//------------------------------// // Mobius and Scattershot // Story: Guardian Angels: Prologue // by Scattershot //------------------------------// Chapter 4 Mobius and Scattershot Twilight was still shaking a little, borderline hyperventilating, damp from her dousing (so was Sam), and flush with anger and embarrassment. It was probably the second-least dignifying she had ever looked. Or third… “I…! Hate…! Him…! He…! Is…! So…! Infuriating!!” she gasped for the third time. “Calm down, Twili-“ Dash started. She decided to ride the carriage home since Twilight was so distressed. “DON’TTELLMETOCALMDOWN!!” Twilight snapped. “Okay, jeez!” Turning to Sam, Twilight asked. “How do you stand him?” She sounded calm, though that was mostly because didn’t have the energy to stay angry anymore. “By not taking it seriously,” He offered easily. Twilight cocked her head. “You can do that?” “He’s not normally like this,” Sam admitted, “I think it’s obvious that he’s… less than comfortable with our situation. I’m havin’ a great time, though!” “So he’s not always totally rude, and disrespectful, and abrasive?” Twilight grumbled. “Well…” “Right…” she sighed. “I don’t think they’re so bad.” Dash mumbled, “Sure, Jacob can be pretty rude sometimes, but he means well. And you’ve been real nice, Sam.” “I can’t believe you’re defending him,” Twilight gasped, “Yeah, Sam is nice, if a little weird. But Jacob is such a… a… lout!” Dash traced circles in the floor with her hoof; she didn’t know why she was defending him either. Or why she was still in the carriage now that Twilight was herself again. Or why she wasn’t hiding in a cloudbank right now. When the three heard a groan emanating from the pony in question, Twilight’s face drained from irritation to a tired sadness. “Next time, Sam,” she sighed, “hit him harder.” His face brightened to the point that it looked like it was glowing. “Will do!” “Am I sane again?” Jake groaned, not getting up or opening his eyes. “I have fingers, right?” “You’re still a pony, Jake.” “Damn it.” He got up and shook the stars out of his vision. “I think you gave me a concussion.” Before Sam could give a witty comeback, Twilight shot Jake a death glare. “Well, you’re giving me an aneurism,” she sneered, “So deal with it.” They both glared at each other, but Jake quickly let it go. Twilight waited for a snide quip, but when none came she moved on. “I have to introduce you to my friends…” she sounded like she might cry. “Don’t sound too excited,” Jake quipped. There it is. “Okay, you can’t act…” Twilight paused to find the right words, “You can’t act like you.” “Uhhh, we can’t turn off the snark,” Sam said completely unapologetically, “It’s a sickness with no cure.” “I think she wants us to act ‘normal’,” Jake guessed. “Isn’t that what I just said?” “Please,” she emphasized, “Don’t act all crazy and violent. You’ve already traumatized Rainbow Dash!” Dash looked up from the carriage floor at the sound of her name. “Wha-? Huh?” “See?” “We’ll do our best!” Sam smiled, more than willing to ease Twilight’s burden. “You can do your best,” Jake corrected, “I make no promises.” Sam cantered over to Twilight and whispered in her ear. “Don’t worry. If he does something stupid, I’ll knock his ass out again.” “Well, I don’t want him hurt,” she whispered back, “I just want him quiet…” “Jeez, get a room,” Jake barked. “I take it back,” Twilight deadpanned, “Do whatever you have to do.” He nodded and returned to his original seat, ready to sock Jake at any opportunity. Then he perked up. “I just thought of something,” he said, “Shouldn’t we have pony names?” He was immediately batted by Jake’s wing. “Under no circumstances.” Twilight seized upon Jake’s aversion instantly. She tried not to smile, but a tiny grin creped through momentarily. “That’d probably be best,” she said calmly, “It would be easier for you to fit in that way.” “I don’t want to fit in!” Jake tensed, “I want to do the exact opposite of fitting in!” Now she knew she had him and she wasn’t letting go. “No, I insist! You’ll need to live in Ponyville, and you’d stand out as Jacob and Sam.” Jake opened his mouth to speak again, but stopped. He noticed the… well, sparkle in Twilight Sparkle’s eye. “Wait a minute,” he eyed her carefully, “Do you want this because you think it’s a good idea, or because I don’t?” She glanced at Sam and noticed that he had seen the glee in her eyes too. She dropped the act and grinned just as widely as Jake had when he finally got a jab at Celestia. “Both,” she admitted, “But it is still a good idea. So what’s your name again?” “I could go with Deadeye,” Sam suggested. “Wouldn’t that shorten to Dead?” Dash asked. “Oh, ummm… How about Scattershot?” “You are pretty scattered,” Jake nodded. Sam tried to give him a good right hook, but he ducked. “Ha!” The instant he popped his head back up to laugh, Sam’s hoof buried in his face. “Ow.” “Scattershot would be fine,” Twilight smiled. “Nice to meet you Scattershot,” Dash added. “Thish ish shtupid,” Jake said from behind Sam’s hoof. He yanked his friend’s fist out of his face with his fingerless hooves. “And I hate cartoon physics!” “So what are we going to call you??” Twilight asked Jake wickedly, “Fluffy Feathers?” “You can call me Jacob.” “Lil Cloudy?” “Jacob.” “Bird Brain…?” “Most birds actually tend to have large brains proportionally to their body sizes,” Jake corrected. “I think we should go with Bird Brain.” Jake glared daggers at Twilight as Sam, or Scattershot, was lost in uncontrollable laughter. “Why not Mobius?” Dash piped up. Dash’s suggestion made Jake realize something. He’d never really taken a look at his ponyfied self. “Smoky blue? Sky camo? I’m colored like Mobius One’s Raptor.” He thought for a moment. “Mobius… I could live with that. Good call.” Dash smiled. “But how’d you come up with that? I doubt Ace Combat 4 is a thing around here.” Dash’s smile faded into confusion. “But… it’s on your Cutie Mark.” “Mobius” tensed again. “My what?” “You have a Cutie Mark,” Scattershot informed, “I thought you would have known that.” “I’m an optimist,” Mobius grumbled sarcastically. He craned his head around to inspect his new flank. When he saw the mark in question, he tensed even more. “I kind of guessed you aren’t ponies from Mobius’s outburst before,” Twilight said, “But don’t… um… your kind have Cutie Marks?” Scattershot shook his head. “We’re not so lucky to have our special talents printed on our bodies.” Mobius suddenly grabbed Scattershot’s shoulders (again, doing something that should have needed fingers without realizing it) and looked at him with bugged out eyes. “I have a fictional fighter squadron’s insignia tattooed on my ass!” Mobius said, something between rage and terror in his voice. He started shaking Scattershot violently as he continued his panic attack, “Why the hell am I here?!?!” “I- Don’t- Know- Stop- Sha- King- Me!” “Please, please just stop…!” Twilight almost whimpered, “It is soooo exhausting dealing with you. And I have to get everypony to meet you, and Pinky’s going to want to throw you a welcome party, and I need to find you a place to stay…” The rest of the ride was spent listening to Twilight mumble to herself. Scattershot kept quiet because he felt sorry for her. Mobius kept quiet because he was enjoying the mental breakdown of two ponies.