//------------------------------// // Some Vehicles Provided By AMC // Story: Runnin' On Empty // by AlwaysDressesInStyle //------------------------------// The six ponies had returned to the track and five of them were sitting in a circle on the floor of the NEMCO #97 garage. Rainbow Dash, meanwhile, was lying on the hood of the racecar, commanding the attention of the other mares. “Rainbow, darling, wherever did you get those simply dreadful socks?” “Socks?” Rainbow Dash looked down. “Huh, I don’t remember putting any socks on. Hay, I don’t even remember owning this pair of socks. And what’s this thing?” She removed a small, round piece of fabric from her back. “That would be a doily. They’re used to cover pieces of furniture.” “Furniture? But what’s it doing on my back?” “Were you asleep at the time?” Twilight blurted out. “Yes. Why?” “Because I think Bill…” Twilight was cut-off mid sentence by a white hoof. “What Twilight is trying to tell you is that it’s a gesture from Bill to let you know exactly how awesome he thinks you are.” “Awesome! He’s awesome and I’m awesome! So that means this doily must be double-awesome!” Twilight glared at Rarity out of the corner of her eye and the white unicorn whispered to her, “What? I’ll have you know that I was completely honest. Not my fault Rainbow took it as a compliment.” “But that’s why I called you all here. I need your help. Or rather, Bill needs our help.” “With what?” “It turns out he’s considered washed-up and his car owner wants him to pull out of the race early. Not because there’s a problem with the car but to save money. I gave him enough money to cover the whole race – thankfully our bits are solid gold and gold’s worth a small fortune here.” “So then what’s the problem, sugarcube? Sounds like you already solved the issue right nicely.” “The problem is the car’s slow. Really pathetically slow. As in Twilight could beat it in a race on hoof.” “What do you want us to do about it?” asked Twilight, huffing slightly at the insult. “I want to rebuild his car tonight and make it fast. But I don’t have the skill to do it solo.” “You need unicorn magic,” replied Rarity. “And since my date with Dale did not go as well as I expected it to, I’d be more than happy to help.” “Yeah, it beats hangin’ out with that Jeff Gordon fella. I swear if’n he tries brushing my hair one more time ain’t nopony gonna hold me responsible for what I do to him. No court in Equestria would convict me. Count me in.” “Spending all night researching race cars and NASCAR rules sounds much more fascinating than listening to Tony crunch potato chips and break wind. I think I can actually hear him getting fatter.” “This sounds like a job for Agent Double-O π! Cause πr2. But pies aren’t really square at all, so I don’t why Twilight always says that. Actually pies are round…but cornbread are square! So call me Agent Double O Left Field. The ‘o’s stand for “Out” and “Of” respectively. Even with all my training Jimmie Johnson is totally boring so of course I’m up for a party! An epic racecar building party! I’ll bring the balloons, the snacks, and the jams!” “I would be happy to help. Uh, Kurt's otherwise occupied at the moment or I'm sure he would volunteer his help as well.” “Thank you girls. It means a lot to me and I know it’ll mean a lot to Bill when he wakes up.” “You mean he’s not going to help?” “He doesn’t even know I’m doing this – he’s been passed out asleep for hours.” There was a knock at the door that startled all of the gathered ponies. “Who could that be? Nobody knows we’re here…” Rainbow Dash motioned for the others to be quiet as she opened the door. Standing on the other side were four older gentlemen. “Is there a Pinkie Pie here?” “Yepperdoodle! That’s me!” “We finally found you! We heard you’re the best at parties.” “I am!” Delma Cowart kneeled in front of Pinkie. “Teach us, oh wise one.” “On one condition.” “Name it, oh wise mare.” “Help us rebuild this racecar so it has a shot of winning tomorrow.” “You do realize between the four of us we have exactly five NASCAR Cup Series wins, right? And four of them were by Morgan and the other one was by Lake. Delma and I never even cracked the top ten.” Twilight Sparkle looked up at the four drivers, recognizing each of them. “But all four of you have something in common – you’ve all owned your own race teams and I’d be very surprised if you didn’t work on your cars personally.” “Can’t run a race team on peanuts and afford to pay people to do things you can learn to do yourself.” “Race teams run on peanuts? Oh! Can we make peanut butter cookies?” “I…guess?” Morgan could see no reason why not to. “Yay! Let me go get my party cannon and we can really get this party started!” “Cannon?” Lake asked while Delma scribbled it down on a notepad. Brian France sighed as he stared out over the darkened racetrack. How had things gone this wrong? Sure, he had let Dale Junior take first pick and he had ended up with Rarity, but the other ponies had been handpicked to go with their respective drivers. Okay, Danica Patrick turning the offer down and Tony Stewart taking over was unplanned also, but still, four of the six should have been perfect matches. Where did they go wrong? He had paired Jimmie Johnson with the pink party pony since he was the most likely to actually win the race, and that meant an epic Victory Lane celebration. Kurt Busch was trying so hard to turn over a new leaf, and what better way to prove that than to hang out with the timid Fluttershy? Trust his old habits to die hard. He really should have seen that one coming in retrospect. Kyle Busch getting thrown in jail was hardly surprising – even getting into a fight with his own brother wasn’t surprising considering they had feuded several years ago until their grandmother made them make up over Thanksgiving dinner. Hitting someone over the head with a folding chair was a new low, however, even for one of the Busch brothers. He cringed as he anticipated even more comparisons between NASCAR and professional wrestling. Bill Elliott’s record qualifying laps at Daytona and Talladega would likely stand for the rest of NASCAR’s existence unless they determined a safe way to let the cars go that fast again without ending up in the grandstands. So of course pairing him with Rainbow Dash, fastest of the pegasus ponies should have been a great match. But Jeff Gordon could get along with almost anybody, and Applejack could get along with almost anypony. So why were these two butting heads? And then there was the sheer volume of property damage that had been racked up thus far. Who would have expected adorable pastel ponies to be this destructive? Even the Transformers promo in conjunction with their third movie hadn’t caused any problems. None of the fans had even suspected that the movie cars they saw taking parade laps were actually real Autobots in disguise. And somehow the giant killer robots had managed to be better behaved than the pretty little ponies. The irony was not lost on him. Oh well, in less than twenty-four hours the whole farce would be over. Maybe, just maybe, it would all be worth it in the end. If nothing else, the news outlets were covering the ponies’ antics in Las Vegas with fervor. The ratings for the race should reflect all of the media coverage. After all, NASCAR had caught the most important break in the sport’s sixty-five year history with the fight between Bobby & Donnie Allison and Cale Yarborough in the 1979 Daytona 500. Any advertising is good advertising. The audience loves drama, after all. “Phil Barkdoll builds the motor…” Pinkie was in the midst of one of her impromptu song cues. “Listen to the unicorn. Don’t you remember? We built this racecar. We built this racecar on….” “Rock and roll!” the rest of the gathered ponies and drivers shouted. As in any cheesy ‘80s movie or TV series worth its weight in dealer overstock DeLoreans, there was a musical montage going on. Third-hand parts that were barely adequate were hastily removed from the #97 and either rebuilt or replaced. The main problem was that there were a multitude of parts that the higher financed teams had that were unavailable to them. “So what do you think?” Rainbow asked. She tried to play it cool but her friends could tell she was stressed out. She was antsy, pacing back and forth and staring at the car. Twilight looked at the engine in front of her and flared her nostrils. “I think we’ve done all we can do but that’s not going to be nearly enough.” “I think I have a solution!” Pinkie Pie hopped excitedly. “Maybe we can get this thing as awesome as Rainbow Dash wants it to be! Be right back!” In a flash of pink, the party pony was gone. “Hey Denny! Wake up, Denny!” Denny Hamlin cracked an eye open and looked at the alarm clock. It was quarter after three in the morning. “Who could possibly be…” His thoughts were interrupted when a trumpet started blaring Reveille. The driver of the #11 Fed Ex Camry shot out of bed and landed on the floor with a thud. “Silly Denny! It’s party time!” “At this hour of the morning?” “Well duh! The party’s been going on for hours and you’ve been sleeping through it! Where’s the fun in that?” “But I need to be well-rested for the race.” “Sounds like somebody just doesn’t want to have any fun.” Denny debated for a few moments before finally agreeing to go with Pinkie Pie. In addition to satisfying his curiosity, when was an opportunity like this ever going to come up again? “All right, count me in.” “Woot! I knew you’d eventually listen to the voice of reason.” “I thought Twilight was the voice of reason?” “She is! But the voice of illogic is very persistent to the point where you eventually agree anyway. By not making me bug you, you’ve listened to the voice of logic.” “That makes far more sense than it should.” “Nice jammies!” Denny looked down at the pajamas he was wearing. They were emblazoned with Fed Ex logos, as was most of his wardrobe. “Gift from my sponsor.” “They look snuggly warm!” “Uh, they are.” “Can I have a motor for Bill Elliott?” “Sure. Wait…what?” “Yay! I told everypony you’d help us out! Thank you so very much!” Pinkie dragged Denny behind as she bounded over to the Joe Gibbs Racing garage. “We’ll just, uh, take the engine out of my… teammate’s car. Yeah. I heard Kyle got himself arrested last night so it’s not like he’ll be needing it.” “Sounds good to me! How do we get the engine out?” “We need… a whole bunch of equipment I don’t know how to operate.” “Eh, I have a better idea!” Pinkie Pie pulled a harness out of nowhere and attached it to the car, and then she slipped it over herself. “We’ll just take the whole car with us for now.” “Is that necessary?” “Well, I could Sawzall the car in half and just take the front section. Kyle seems like a big meanie so maybe I should do that.” “He won’t be driving this car tomorrow. Apparently he’s in jail. The only real surprise is that he requested Jimmy Spencer drive this car in the race in his place.” “Who’s that?” “Well, he used to be a racecar driver but he hasn’t run a race in years. Now he does some commentary. Back in the day they called him Mr. Excitement but I’m not really all that familiar with him. His career was wrapping up around the time mine was just beginning.” “Well, if he’s called Mr. Excitement he must be my kind of driver!” “I thought Jimmie Johnson was supposed to be your driver.” “But he’s soooooooo boring. I mean his idea of a fun time is to go to the airport and watch the planes land. I mean, that was super duper cool for the first ten planes or so ‘cause they come in all swoosh and screech! But it gets repetitive really quickly. And planes don’t have nearly the aerial maneuverability of Dashie. Boring.” Pinkie stopped at the entrance to the NEMCO garage area. “Well we’re here. Are you ready to party… Pinkie Pie style?” “As ready as I’ll ever be.” Don’t Stop Believin’ was blaring from the stereo as they pushed the M&M’s car next to the NEMCO car. Twilight’s horn was glowing purple as Lake Speed was explaining gear ratios to her. Applejack was holding down a piece of sheet metal as Morgan Shepherd was lightly tapping it with a hammer. Phil and Delma were looking at an instruction manual and arguing about something in the contents, while the remaining three ponies were huddled together sleeping. “I brought the spare parts you requested, and as an added bonus I threw in Denny Hamlin absolutely free! But that’s not all! If you ask politely, right now, I have cupcakes to give away! Raspberry frosted because pink is totally the best color!” “So you agreed to give us your car’s engine, Denny?” “Well, not exactly. Since my teammate is in jail I’m giving you his engine. Our team has backup motors and they’ll just put one into the car before the race tomorrow. Technically I should give you the backup motor but it’s in the backup car, which is in the hauler, which I don’t have keys for. So instead you get a Joe Gibbs Racing primary car motor. So Bill’s car is going to be about on par with mine, which should give him a good shot of finishing well. What you’re really going to need to work on is the handling.” “Already have it covered. I analyzed all historical data, and then factored in all of our competitors’ current setups. I’ve found the perfect setup for this weekend.” “Isn’t anybody going to ask for a cupcake?” “I’ll take one, Pinkie Pie.” “Me too!” Pinkie passed out cupcakes to Delma Cowart and Phil Barkdoll. “Nobody else?” She pouted. “Oh well, more for me!” She opened her mouth wide and slid the rest of the cupcakes in. “Yummy!” “So much for seconds…” Phil mumbled. “Oh silly Philly! I made sixteen batches of cupcakes. There are plenty more to go around!” Twilight levitated the motor out of the #97 Toyota and replaced it with the motor from the #18 car. “Well, I think our work here is done for the night.” She waved a hoof at Rarity, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash who were sprawled out asleep on a couch in the corner of the shop. “I think these three have the right idea. Let’s get some shuteye before the race.” Michael Waltrip enjoyed the tranquility of walking down the pit lane first thing in the morning. The sun was just peeking over the horizon, the only sounds were birds chirping, and the first rays of light reflected off the grandstands. It was a picture perfect moment. If not for the crumbling and cracking pavement underfoot. Michael took another look around. “This is Rockingham… I’m at the wrong track.” “Heh, I never get tired of hearing you say that.” Pinkie Pie giggled. “Definitely your best commercial! Anyways, I do believe that it’s time for me to fly. Bye now!” “Wait! You can’t just leave me here…” Michael’s words fell on deaf ears. Several thousand miles away, morning came far too early for the ponies that had worked through the night. Rarity was the first to awaken, and to her dismay found that Rainbow Dash’s head was using her withers as a pillow. Worse yet, the rainbow-maned pony had drooled all over her. “Ugh,” she grimaced as she levitated the still dozing pegasus off of her. “I wonder what happened to Fluttershy? I know she was resting here with us as well. And poor Twilight, she looks absolutely exhausted. Deep bags under her eyes, tsk tsk. That mare really needs to take better care of herself. I shall let her sleep in – the poor dear’s earned it.” Rainbow Dash rolled over and started fumbling about searching for the ‘pillow’ she had been using. Rarity decided this would be a good time for the prismatic pegasus to stop snoozing and levitated her away from the couch they had spent the night sleeping on. Rainbow just flopped over like a ragdoll in Rarity’s magical aura, snoring. “You are most incorrigible, Rainbow Dash.” Rarity walked out of the garage and onto pit road, levitating the dozing pegasus behind her. “Excuse me, miss. Are you by any chance Rarity?” “Why yes,” Rarity replied, fluttering her eyelashes. “Package for you. Sign here.” “A package? Here? Why, that does seem most odd.” “I don’t send ‘em, I just deliver ‘em. And if you could direct me to a Rainbow Dash and a Twilight Sparkle I’d be most grateful.” “Well, this floating blue lump of laziness is Rainbow Dash. And if you follow me, I can take you right to Twilight Sparkle.” “Great. Let me grab all your packages out of the truck and then you can lead the way.” The deliveryman unloaded a white Fed Ex truck and loaded the three large crates onto a handcart. He followed Rarity into the NEMCO garage area. Rarity promptly released her grip on Rainbow Dash and the slumbering pegasus tumbled to the ground with a thud. “What happened?” “Why, it appears you must have rolled off the couch, darling. Are you okay?” “I think so. I landed on my head so I should be fine.” “That explains a lot, actually. But I’m glad you’re up. You’ve received a package!” “Awesome! Only been here two days and already everybody’s giving me stuff. Rock on.” She slipped on her sunglasses and posed for a nonexistent camera only she could see. Rarity rolled her eyes. “Be a dear and wake up Twilight. Gently. She worked very hard last night.” “Yeah, yeah,” Rainbow dismissed Rarity’s concerns with a wave of her hoof. She poked Twilight. “Time to get up.” “Five more minutes, Spike.” “But by then the book burning monster will have completely consumed the library!” Twilight jumped to her hooves. “Why didn’t you say so in the first place? Spike?” Rainbow Dash collapsed on the floor in a fit of giggles while Rarity glared at the hysterical pegasus. Twilight just looked from one to the other and blushed sheepishly. “How long was I out?” “Not nearly long enough, I’m afraid. However, you received a package and you need to be awake to sign for it and take delivery.” “That’s odd. And where did everypony else get to?” “I dunno, Twilight.” Rainbow Dash looked around but the pair of unicorns were the only other ponies in sight. The Fed Ex deliveryman wheeled three large parcels into the garage. “Sign here.” The three ponies each signed for their respective packages and clustered around the boxes. “I wonder what could possibly be inside. I don’t recall asking to have anything from last night’s shopping spree shipped here.” “Open me! Open me!” said one of the boxes, which started bouncing around the room. “I believe that one’s for you, Rainbow.” The blue pegasus looked at the box. Sure enough, there was a Fed Ex label with her name on it. She hesitantly untied the red bow on top of the box and slowly peeled off the layers of wrapping paper. Pinkie Pie burst out of the box. “Open me! Open me! Oh, I guess I’m open now. Hmn, the innuendos one can get away with in a children’s cartoon these days. It’s not quite to Animaniacs levels but we’re getting there.” “What are you doing in a box, Pinkie Pie?” “Silly Dashie! Denny Hamlin gets a discount with Fed Ex so he shipped me with you. And he shipped Fluttershy with Rarity, and Applejack with Twilight.” “Don’t you mean he shipped you to us?” Twilight asked. “Ehh…. Something like that.” She patted the purple unicorn’s head. “No need to worry your pretty little horn about it.” Rarity had by this point opened her box, and a very relieved Fluttershy poked her head out. “Are you okay darling?” “Yes. There were airholes. Now I know how Nermal feels.” “Get me outta this here box right now!” “Twilight, I believe that one is addressed to you,” Rarity said, relieved that she would not have to open that particular package. “I’d open it but tampering with mail is a federal offense.” Applejack bucked her way out of the box before Twilight could open it. “Of all the stupid things to do that one really takes the cake.” “Oh yes,” Fluttershy agreed. “It was horrible being stuck in that box.” “No, I mean shippin’ you with Rarity and shippin’ Dash with Pinkie Pie. I’m more a RariDash fan myself.” “I actually prefer FlutterDash in all honesty,” Fluttershy blushed. “You know, we’re right here. Besides, I’m straight. I like stallions, not mares.” “Sure ya do, Rainbow. We’ll keep your secret safe,” Applejack replied. “Dash is right, darlings. I’m straight also. I would think the shrine I have in my boutique to the stallion of the week should be evidence enough of that. Would you please refrain from pairing us together?” “What? I’m not good enough for you, Rarity?” “Now I never said that…” Rainbow Dash hovered in front of the white unicorn, muzzle to muzzle. “So what, exactly, are you saying?” “I, uh, I really like your mane.” “Yes! Now kiss!” Applejack shoved the two mares into one another. “Awww! But I wanted Dashie!” Pinkie Pie pouted. “Oh! But this means they’ll get married. And weddings are just super-duper ginormous parties!” “We are not getting married! Sheesh, what’s wrong with all of you? You can’t just ship your friends together without their consent! I mean Rare’s hot and all…” It was Rarity’s turn to blush. “Why thank you, Rainbow Dash. And I must say you have the most amazing hair of any pony in Equestria. Why, I daresay it’s even more spectacular than the Princesses’ hair. And your athletic build… hehe, well, let’s just say I have your measurements memorized.” She winked at Rainbow Dash and leaned in for a kiss. Catching the hint, Rainbow Dash turned to Applejack. “So when are you and Twilight going to hook up, anyway?” “What?” “It’s only fair. If you get to ship the rest of us, we should get to ship you too.” “Eep, that leaves me with Pinkie Pie.” “I know, right! Isn’t that like the coolest thing ever! I can throw you a surprise party every day! Oh, oh, oh! Your life will never be calm or boring ever again!” “Help,” Fluttershy mouthed as Pinkie Pie dragged her off. After several more awkward minutes where all six ponies professed their love for each of the other five, they decided never to speak of the proceeding fifteen minutes ever again. They sealed that promise with a kiss. “I brought breakfast,” Bill Elliott said as he entered the garage. “I didn’t expect all of y’all to be here. Why aren’t the rest of you with your respective drivers?” “Oh, just having a little meeting amongst ourselves before we disperse.” Twilight grinned. “We just made a few little modifications to your car. Absolutely nothing to concern yourself with.” “This can’t possibly end well…” Visions of a glittery, sparkly racecar filled Bill’s head. Twilight removed the last of Pinkie’s modifications to the #14 Chevy of Tony Stewart. “Where did she even get this many anvils?” She levitated them all in the air above her and started twirling them around absently. “Hey Twilight!” She turned to look at Tony, completely forgetting about the two-dozen anvils suspended in the air above her. They dropped one at a time on her head, comedically. “That was funny, Twilight. Do it again!” “No thanks, Mr. Stewart. I think I’m just going to lie here unconscious for a while.” “Okie dokie lokie!” Tony turned and bounded away from the flattened unicorn. Fluttershy ever so delicately opened the door to Kurt Busch’s hotel room. “Um, Kurt, I um, hate to intrude but it’s almost time for the driver’s meeting and I thought maybe you should start getting ready for it.” “Oh, thanks, Fluttershy.” He threw the covers off and stepped out of bed. “Eeeeep!” Fluttershy blushed profusely and turned away, covering her eyes with her wings. “What?” Kurt looked down. “Oh, yeah. Pants. They help.” Fluttershy only nodded, not daring to open her eyes. “It’s safe now. I put clothes on. Sheesh, last night we had to push you out of the room for a little privacy. What’s gotten into you?” “Oh, um, well last night you weren’t doing anything naughty. I mean all you were doing was making out a little bit. Oh… oh my. You two did something naughty after I left, didn’t you?” Kurt facepalmed. “There was nothing at all naughty about what we did.” “Oh, that’s a relief.” “We just had sex.” “Eeep! That’s supposed to come after the wedding, not before it!” “So, how about we have some breakfast to break up this awkward silence?” “You’re going to take the pony to breakfast and leave me here alone in bed? Completely naked…” “I…uh… you can come too?” “I was thinking we might order in some room service. If you can get rid of that gawker. Perhaps we can get some whipped cream delivered.” “I…” “But Kurt has a driver’s meeting he has to attend in less than an hour. I’m sure he’ll be back later to um… er….” She dropped her voice to a barely audible whisper, “…to continue having premarital relations with you.” Even whispered Kurt could hear the disappointment in Fluttershy’s voice. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think that would offend you. Can you forgive me?” “She’ll forgive you just fine. But I might not if you take her to breakfast instead of your new fiancé.” “You’ve got to look your best for the race if you’re going to spend the race as a guest of my team. Now sit still. It’s time for the brushie brushie!” “Oh, hay no.” Applejack bucked open the door to Jeff’s RV and raced out into the throng of people filling the infield. “Come back! I’m not wasting this chance to brush a real living My Little Pony’s hair!” Applejack hid behind a trailer as Jeff Gordon ran past. “Phew, that was a close one.” “Oh Jimmie! It’s time to play!” “I don’t think so.” Jimmie laughed maniacally. “I spent all night watching everything from Bugs Bunny to Spongebob and now I know exactly how cartoon physics work! See! I just popped out of that vase!” Pinkie looked at the vase. “Nope. No Jimmie Johnson in here.” “That’s because I’m in this box of cereal now!” He waved the box in front of Pinkie’s face so she grabbed it and opened it. “Nope. No Jimmie in here either. Are you feeling okay?” She bounced into the kitchen to get some milk to pour into the box of cereal. “I feel fine! I am the great and powerful Jimmie Johnson! Nothing’s gonna stop me now!” “Wrong Starship song. We did our whole rebuilding a racecar ‘80s music montage to We Built This City. But thanks for playing! We’ll be sure to give you a home copy of our game along with the rest of your parting gifts.” She grabbed a few random items from the room and piled them into Jimmie’s arms and then she shoved him towards the door. “Thanks for stopping by! Have a great day and enjoy finishing fourteenth in the race!” That snapped Jimmie out of it. “Fire rains down upon Pinkie Pie, smiting her!” “Silly Jimmie! The author closed that big door to the fourth wall after the chapter I sorta wrote didn’t go over so well with the audience. But don’t you worry, I know a few back ways in!” She closed the door behind him. Jimmie pounded on the door. “Hey! Let me back into my RV!” “Can’t hear you, I’m drawing a bath!” She grabbed a marker and started sketching a picture of a bathtub on a wall in the bedroom. When she was done she hopped in. “Nice and toasty!” Jimmie tried one last time to pop out of something inside his motorhome. When that failed he grabbed the heaviest item he could find, a patio chair, and threw it through a window, shattering it. “Heeeeeeeeeeerrrrrre’s Jimmie!” “Meh. You really need an ax for the full effect. Also, can’t a mare get some privacy? I’m bathing here!” “Oh, right. Sorry.” He turned around and was about to walk out of the room when he realized what he was doing. “Hey! Wait a minute…” But when he looked back Pinkie was gone… and so was the bathtub. Rainbow Dash examined the AMC Gremlin she had purchased sight unseen. It was in remarkably good condition for its age. She wasn’t overly fond of the green paint but she loved the white hockey stick stripe on the side. It made the car look menacing. The problem was it certainly didn’t look quick. It wasn’t sleek or aerodynamic, nor did it look like it was designed to go fast. But since Equestrian gremlins were known for being mean critters, she decided not to dismiss it outright until she tried it. She climbed behind the wheel, mimicking what she had seen Bill Elliott do the day prior. The engine turned over and the inline six made a much smoother, quieter sound than the ground-shaking rumble of the NASCAR V8 engines she had fallen in love with. She pressed the accelerator pedal and waited. The car lurched forward and she found herself cruising down the road at a steady 45 miles per hour. She pressed the accelerator to the floor and the car slowly crept up to fifty and then fifty-five. “Oh.” The light bulb finally turned on inside Dash’s mind. “He was going for sarcasm. I get it now. I’ll have to get Bill’s opinion on a really fast car and buy that.” She returned to the track and parked the car next to Bill Elliott’s RV. “Dashie! What is that?” “This? Uh, it’s called a Gremlin. I thought it was cool but it turned out to be pretty lame.” “Lame? But look at it! I think it looks cute and silly!” “You want it?” “That would be like super-awesome-amazing! Can we get it painted pink? Please?” “It’s your car now. Whatever you want to do with it, go for it.” “Thank you very much!” Pinkie Pie enveloped her friend in a hug. “You’re the most amazing pony ever!” “I know.” Dash slipped her sunglasses on and flashed the party pony a big grin. Pinkie had wasted no time climbing behind the wheel. “Huh, this car isn’t nearly as fast as the pace car. That was a nice fast car!” The word ‘fast’ caught Rainbow Dash’s attention. “What kind of car is the pace car?” “I dunno. It was a yellow one with flashing lights.” “Rarity?” “Why Dale! After last night I wasn’t sure if you wanted to see me again. You were so quiet on the ride back, and I thought I caught just a glimpse of a scowl on your face.” “Sorry, I was lost in thought. Regardless, I have a little something for you.” He kneeled down and took out a little box adorned with the logo of one of the jewelry stores they had gone to the night before. Rarity’s heart leapt to her throat – he was proposing! Oh how wonderful! Sure, he was a different species but they would find a way to make it work! Nothing can stand in the way of true love, why that’s what her romance novels always told her and they certainly wouldn’t lie about that now would they? She levitated the box in her aura and pulled out a thick stack of paperwork. “Um, what is all this?” “A restraining order. You’re to stay no less than five hundred feet away from me at all times from here on out. My pit crew will escort you to the required distance.” “But…but…the little jewelry box. The bended knee. What are you doing? I thought you were proposing.” “Yeah, that was the whole point. I know you have some deluded fantasy about your true love sweeping you off your feet, or hooves, or whatever I really don’t care. All I wanted to do was make sure that I broke that ridiculously egomaniacal heart of yours into a thousand pieces. Looks like I did. Bye now!” Rarity stood there crying and didn’t so much as lift a hoof to protest the half a dozen pit crew members who were forcing her to leave the #88 car’s pit stall. “This is the worst possible thing!”