//------------------------------// // Introductions // Story: Lunar Lunacy // by Abramus5250 //------------------------------// Chapter One Introductions “What the hell? Where am I?” the creature asked, shaking his head as he rose from the pile of dust underneath him. To think, he had just been on his way back from his physics class, and then- FOOM -he was lying face down, covered in dust. Pushing himself off the ground with one hand and readjusting his glasses with the other, the creature looked to his right and saw a vast wasteland, white and gray and utterly lifeless. “That’s nothing new,” he muttered, knowing full well Wisconsin looked like this during the winter. Only... wait, there weren’t any trees. Or buildings; he’d been in the middle of a city the last he remembered, and... “Greetings, stranger. We welcome you to our presence,” a voice said, and looking straight ahead of his, the creature saw... a pony? Well, it sort of looked like a pony, if ponies were colored by someone high on acid and had grown wings and a horn: the pony, not the person who colored them. Deep blue, almost purple, and wearing what he could only assume was armor, and it’s mane seemed almost like a trail of smoke. “How hard did I hit my head?” he muttered, pressing his face down into the dust once more. “I don’t think I hit it that hard...” “We are glad to see thou knoweth thine rightful place, but thou need not be so modest; bowing before us is merely a formality,” the pony said, and at that moment, the creature knew he wasn’t unconscious, or suffering some severe head trauma. How? He saw the dust move with the pony’s encroaching steps towards him. That kind of stuff you don’t notice in a dream or a delusional state, or at least, he wished he could. Trouble was, he’d never done drugs before, and he believed he didn’t have a history of mental illness... “Creature, what is thine name?” the pony asked. “Uh... um... Ben?” Ben replied. Okay, so, this was definitely the strangest thing that had ever happened to him. Here he was, talking... Wait a minute, where exactly was he? “What’s your name?” he asked in reply. “We are Nightmare Moon, true heir to the throne of Equestria and Queen of the Night!” the pony said, flashing her fangs as she said “night”. Whoa, pony with fangs? That wasn’t encouraging; was he going to be her dinner or something? “Where... where exactly am I?” Ben asked, trying to rise to his feet. Only, when he pushed off the ground, he flew up a good three feet and flailed wildly before settling back down onto the dusty ground. The hell? Had gravity gone insane too? “Thou art on the moon,” Nightmare replied simply. “We have summoned thee to be our companion during our exile.” At the word “moon”, Ben stopped blinking and instead stared at the creature like she was made of cheese. His breathing slowed down, and for a few minutes, he looked like he was on the verge of... well, it was hard to tell, but the pony thought he looked constipated. “Are thou alright? Is thou cold?” the pony asked. “We have had others before, but most died due to the moon’s harsh landscape. We have thus granted thee with several enchantments that will ensure thine survival.” Ben started to laugh, a low little chuckle that sounded hallway between a crazy guy’s maniacal laughter and a sob. Crying and laughing at the same time. Craughing, if you will. “What does thou find funny? Is it something we said?” the pony asked, taking another step closer. “Well, that clinches it; I’ve definitely gone crazy,” the creature called Ben said, slowly pushing himself to his feet. “There’s no way any of this is real, right? You’re just a figure of my imagination, and this is all probably some dream brought on by my exhausted brain. I mean, come on; you're a talking pony, and I’m on the moon? That can’t be right: I’ve never dreamt of that before, and I’m pretty sure I don’t know anyone who has done that either. Look, I’ll prove it to you: this is a dream, and I’ll start flying any second now.” Ben thrust his arms up into the air like an idiot, striking what he must have thought was some sort of heroic pose. Nothing happened. “Any second now.” Still nothing happened. “Come on, any second, I know I can do this, I’ve done it before.” Then something marvelous happened, something utterly outrageous and- no, wait, nothing happened at all. “Are thou mocking us?” Nightmare Moon asked the strange and possibly mentally unstable creature, her tone taking on a slight edge. “We do not take insults lightly.” “Oh, come on, you’re threatening me in a dream? That never works,” Ben said, fanning his arms out like some stupid eagle. “Come on, I had a dream like this last night, only I was breathing fire, and I was riding a plane like a surfboard.” “If thou wishes to test the credibility of our claim, then thou may simply turn around.” Nightmare Moon wasn’t sure what to make of this “Ben” character. On the one hand, if they were always like this, then her time here would not be very boring at all. However, if indeed he was crazy, she might have to kill him, or at least restrain him in some way. With a scoffing noise, Ben did as she said and turned around. Yep, up there was Earth, same as- No, wait... those continents were all wrong: one even looked like some giant dick. And... wait, what? “What is that?” Ben asked, pointing to a shrinking, pulsating... orb. “That was the portal through which thou has come to be in our domain,” Nightmare Moon said slowly, as if explaining to a mildly slow child. In a flash, it was gone, and with its departure, Ben’s posture changed. His arms fell down to his sides, his head bowed, and he started whispering to himself. The pony could not make out the words, but it sounded an awful lot like “oh shit, oh shit, what the hell, oh God...” “Pray tell, who is this “God” of which you speak?” the pony asked, stepping up alongside the creature. Ben simply turned to look at her, and tentatively, reached out and touched the very tip of her mane. It curled around his finger like a silken snake, and he froze. “Jesus Christ, you are real,” he muttered. “This... this is all real.” “Who is this “Jesus of the Christ” fellow? Does he know God?” Mightmare Moon asked. This creature sure seemed to know plenty of others; hopefully his disappearance wouldn’t be noticed. Then again, after the fiascos she watched unfold after the legion and Croatoan debacles, she thought that the whole “dimensional freezing” idea was one of the best she had ever had. With luck, it would hold long enough so that if she ever grew tired of him and/or escaped her exile, she could send him back and nothing would have changed in his world. Hopefully, anyway. There was still no telling just how long this creature would survive with her on the moon. After a few more minutes of silence, the pony looked from her stolen kingdom, far away on the Earth, and then back to the stricken... thing. “Ben, was it? What does one call thineself?” “Um... a person?” he said, sounding both confused and very, very depressed. “A human?” “Human? That is the name of thine species?” the pony asked. “Y-Yeah,” he replied. “What... what about you?” “We are an alicorn, the most noblest and powerful of all the pony races,” she replied. “Come, we have much to discuss in our castle, you and us.” As she walked off, Ben gave one last glance where the portal he had traveled through had vanished. He was stuck on the moon, probably an alternate moon, orbiting an alternate Earth in an alternate universe. He wanted to cry, but somehow, he couldn’t bring himself to. What good would tears do him now? There was no way home, so far as he knew, and maybe... he’d just have to live with that. There would be time to grieve later, when he was alone and likely a good ways away from this... alicorn pony thing. Right now, as he turned away from the alternate Earth far away, he did the only thing he could do. Hoisting his backpack and readjusting his glasses, he set off after the pony, taking care with every step. After all, the gravity here was far weaker than where he was from, so walking wasn’t exactly easy.