[Blazing's Entry]
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?
Eh... I guess, if I don't have a choice.
It's not as if I was planning something for tonight.
[End Entry]
The emptiness fades and is slowly replaced by darkness which in turn disappears when I open my eyes. Nothing hurts, in fact everything feels completely fine. My changeling regeneration? Hardly.
I'm standing in a cavern with bones lying around. Looking around curiously, I don't feel even the slightest pang of fear. Dying somehow gives pony a perspective on being scared for one's life.
Being angry is the correct term for my mood. Can't a soul find peace even after death? At this moment I'm hundred percent sure why all the zombies in movies are so annoyed.
"Greetings, my name is Scream and I have summoned you from the dark abyss to do my bidding," says what on first glance appears to be a golden alicorn.
Her beauty aside, I have only one thing on my mind.
"Hi, I'm Blazing Light and I don't give a crap. Send me back, I enjoyed being dead. No alarm clocks in sight."
Scream's attempt at mysticism to impress mortals fails miserably.
"What's there to enjoy?" she asks curiously.
"Finally I don't have to worry about making myself look like an ass aside from the blue face in the casket."
"Most ponies would love having another chance at living."
"Most ponies don't suck so badly the world is much better off without them in it. Aside from most politicians that is."
Scream smiles as if remembering something.
"Alright. Is there really nothing you desire?"
"Nah. I was a stain on my family name and a complete bastard to everyone just to keep them away from me. In the end I got really lucky to have had a chance at finally being useful to somepony without them having to be uncomfortable thinking they owed me something."
As I say it I realize I would give anything for things to go back to normal.
"You might be surprised but she was sad to see you go."
"And she'll get over it. There are tons of ponies who'd love to be her friends."
"That might not be true for long. A conflict is coming to Equestria which will put her in danger and you have a place in it. On a sidenote though - you are probably the first pony who isn't drooling with desire in my presence. Do you not find me beautiful?"
She is the living incarnation of everything that makes my blood boil and look for tickets for a southern vacation but me and mares don't go well together. It's not about orientation, it's about being close to somepony.
"Lady, there is no possible way in Tartarus you would even think about me in that way so why should I bother with wild fantasies?"
"You're mean. Also, completely wrong," she fakes being hurt.
"Don't even try the 'hurt puppy' look. Chokey kept using it on me every single time she wanted something," I deflect her attempt completely. Alicorn or not, I'm more than used to her type.
The hurt puppy look graduates into the sodomized kitten one.
"I bet it worked every single time," she smiles victoriously.
She bets right but there still is something known as going down fighting.
"Can't you find somepony more useful? I think everything including trees falls into this category."
"Nope. Can't repeat the spell anyway so you are my only hope, brave defender of Equestria."
I've always believed that heroes are born but being forced into their roles by manipulative mares suddenly comes as a more logical conclusion. Still, I need to get my anger out on somepony, at least a bit. I say something which would have been much more effective if the mare I was talking to wasn't the alicorn of lust.
"Blow me!"
Scream just smiles hungrily and licks her lips.
"I knew we would come to an understanding."
Her predatory expression is enough for me to take few steps back and realize my mistake.
"Eeeeh... maybe later? Say, how's the weather here? I mean... what do you actually want from me?"
"Awww. You make me so hot and don't even accept responsibility?"
"I'm not really sure... umm I don't think I can help with that. I'm not really that experienced with... technical issues. I can get you a pizza delivery colt if you want... ehm?" I grasp for the only scenarios I know from magazines.
In growing panic I almost fail to notice Scream's amused, amazed expression turning into real hunger. I continue with my trail of thought.
"Or a plumber... say, how are the pipes in this place? I know a good-"
The reality blurs and I am now wearing a set of overalls complete with a fully equipped toolbelt. Scream's ravenously hungry expression and changeling-like sharp teeth work like a cold shower and I'm not sure I could get my equipment working even with the help those special pills I kept getting mail about. She spreads her legs.
"Pipes need some serious cleaning. NOW!"
Being thrown into an area known to me even less than quantum physics feels crazy but others manage to do this without any special training, right?
I lean in between her legs and an unfamiliar but not unpleasant smell reaches me and brings with it the images of sweat, spices and expensive parfume. I breathe in and involuntarily shake half in panic, half in...
... nope, just panic.
Less breathing. Less breathing! Alright, what are the chances of me being the worst mate she's ever had? Hundred percent! Logically...
Not that high? Good. Now calm down and prepare the battle stations.
WAITWAITWAITWAIT! What if I am the worst?
She will kill me, oh wait... ummmm. BOO!
What?
Startled by my own head I open my eyes and realize my nose is almost touching the wet treasure trove and my ears are burning not only from embarrassment but from Scream's legs grinding them slowly. The point of no return is here so... maybe just a bit?
For the first time since my ressurrection I put my mouth to good use.
Having no idea about passing time, I keep going on until her soft moan sends shivers down my spine and she gently pushes me away.
Well I ballzed that up. Now she's mad.
"I think I have to let you go otherwise I might be tempted to keep you here forever," breathes out Scream and closes her eyes, enjoying the last quakes of her body.
"Huh?"
"See you soon."
Confused, I look at Scream breathing slowly with her eyes closed and then everything blurs.
I'm standing in my grey apartment with sticky fluid dripping from my nose. On instinct, I go to the bathroom to wash my face and Scream's scent is replaced by the lingering smell of Rotgut which is so close to me.
To my surprise and horror, I don't feel the slightest bit of desire to pop open a bottle. Is it possible that I won't need to drink ever again? I grin to myself at that insane idea and take stock of my surroundings.
To the rest of the world I'm dead, no big change there. Unfortunately my, let's say, saviour was too preoccupied with her nether regions to tell me what she wanted from me. The problem is that I have no way of contacting her and I have no idea how long I was away.
I'm hungry, that is the clearest thing on my mind. The plan is then to withdraw some money from the bank and then eat the entire selection of Donut Joe's shop. I push the door of my apartment and slam my face into it when it fails to open.
Ooooh kay? Trapped in a cold, empty, third-floor apartment? Perhaps some drink really will be useful. This time I have a good reason for opening my storage closet and taking out one bottle of a very expensive, sweet wine. I drink the usual spot-removers because of my mood but these bottles are something I was saving for a special occasion. I think this counts as one and also they work as a good source of energy for the body.
I forget the effect of sweet wine on a completely, literally, empty stomach and just one glass is enough to make me crawl into the bed, snuggle my Spitfire body pillow (don't judge me, they are really comfortable!) and slip into the darkness disregarding the new day dawning on the other side of the window.