Six words.
Rainbow Dash muttered them one after another… then again… and then a third time.
And somewhere between the bleary blinks of molasses time, she realized that she couldn’t remember ever falling asleep to trigger saying them in the first place.
That’s when her eyes fluttered open, and her brain promptly screamed at her for doing so.
“Oh… unnnngh-ohhhhhhh…” She curled her forelimbs over her face and rolled onto her side. Her neck and wings were stiff from lying on the front steps to her cloudstone home, but none of that compared to the violently stabbing brightness that was invading her eyelids with each throbbing second. “Mmmmmnngh… ugh… darn it? What? What was… how…?”
Her pulsating mind tried connecting the dots. But all she could remember was some ridiculously silly pony hiccuping, downing mugs of cider, and rambling incoherently about a basilisk’s lair.
“Did I… mmmnngh… did I just dream up last week?”
There was no answer, save for the violent echoes emanating through her own skull. She sat up, and instantly reeled from dizziness. The pegasus could barely lift her legs; they were as numb as icebergs. In fact, the only sense she was absolutely certain about was pain, and there was only one explanation for that.
“Friggin’ A… I drank four mugs of cider, didn’t I?” Rainbow Dash sighed, blinking into the sun-soaked treetops and rooftops of eastern Ponyville below. “Nnngh… if Fluttershy ever found out, she’d kill me.” She yawned, then rubbed her muzzled, wriggling it, then rubbing it again. “Well, no, she’d hug me first, kill me, then hug me right after.”
As if on cue, an equine figure flapped into view, her soft feathers breaking the sunlight.
“Gah! It’s n-not what it looks like!” Rainbow scooted backwards against the door. “I swear--” He blinked. “Oh…” Her entire body deflated as her face smiled tiredly. “It’s just you, Derpy. How’re things--Ullllp!”
Derpy shoved a thick wad of envelopes into Rainbow’s mouth. Smiling, the wall-eyed mare turned towards the mailbox and patted the metal chassis. “Looking nice and healthy today, Rainbow Dash!” She pointed at the pegasus. “I delivered your mail! Gotta go! See ya!” She flew in a lopsided corkscrew towards the next house at sea level several meters away.
Rainbow Dash shook, quivered, fidgeted, and at last spat the envelopes out. They slid to a stop along the edge of the cloudstone stoop, almost teetering off the foundation of the hovering home completely.
The pegasus slid her tongue around until all the taste of envelopes was gone. With a groaning sound, she hobbled over, crawled towards the letters, and tried scooping them up in her useless hooves. The limbs were just too numb to accomplish the task. So, sighing, she gave her fuzzy nose a final rub, leaned down, and clasped the items in her teeth.
She instantly winced from the taste of envelope again. “Mmnnghhhfff… Lkkkff faf fmmef. Imf wikfe a fwiggff eafff fponyff…” She swayed a bit with the effort, but she eventually made her way indoors. Once within her living room, she stripped her saddlebag off and tossed it onto the floor. A pocket opened, rolling out the pill container. The thing rattled across the entire space of the living room, forcing Rainbow to look at it. She rolled her eyes back and trotted over to a table, spitting the envelopes onto the top of it.
Muttering tiredly to herself, she used the joints of her elbows to sort the envelopes apart, twirling them until they were legible to her bleary, blinking eyes.
“Hrmmmf… Saddlestakes… Flier Club… Saddlestakes… Banner Company--Ooooh, that might be my check! Ahem…” She flipped to another pair. “Office of Mr. Green Saddle… Canterlot Couture… Meh.” She turned around, tossed her shoulders, yawned, and limply flew her way towards the bedroom.
A beat.
The air practically thundered as she snapped back to the table, wide-eyed. Flailing her legs like ragdoll limbs, she finally grasped the second to last letter again, holding it barely a centimeter from her twitching vision.
“Office of Mr. Green Saddle?!” She panted, panted again. “Crud…” She zipped to the front door, flew it open, and stared out at the front stoop.
The glaring “For Lease” was still there, glimmering pathetically in the morning light.
“Megacrud!” She flew back in and darted towards a calendar, panting even heavier. “Super Green Pegasus Commander Summoning the Megacrudzord! Crud!”
She looked at a clock on the wall and her teeth began chattering.
It was only eleven o’clock. She still had time. Barely.
Stifling a squeal, she dropped the envelope, flew into the bathroom, and headbutted a patch of clouds. Thunder rumbled, and she tossed herself into the shower stall, waiting… waiting… and finally bearing the brunt of a full spray of nightmarishly cold water.
“Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh!” she yelled into the frigid torture of her awakening muscles.