Chapter 15
Rick was woken up by the unexpected sound of roaring. Then the sound of someone crying and then someone else nearly repeating one of Rick’s favorite mantras, “…no one treats Fluttershy like that. No. One.” It took a moment, but it finally registered, they were watching the show again. He got up, got dressed and went downstairs.
He managed to catch sight of the television just in time to see a griffon snatch a purple tail from Rarity with a very snide attitude before being blindfolded and spun around by Pinkie. Apparently, this griffon, identified as Gilda, didn’t trust Pinkie because she immediately turned around and went in the wrong direction.
“I thought you all were still on the fence about this,” Rick said.
“We are, that’s why we decided to give it a chance,” Twilight answered.
“That’s right, Darling. You should have seen the last one.” Rarity stifled a giggle, “it was all about Dear Applejack trying to harvest her entire crop alone while still trying to help everypony in town.” Her giggles were no longer stifled.
Rick ignored her slip with ‘everypony’, “but that sounds noble to me, what could possibly be so funny about that?”
“That ain’t wut she’s laughin’ at.” Rick turned to AJ, “they exaggerated my clumsiness. Ah, admit it’s funny ‘n’ all, but it was over thu top.”
Rick looked back to the television in time to see Rainbow Dash berating the griffon. Then when Rainbow and Twilight apologized to Pinkie, it was made obvious that this was the standard wrap-up that so many kid’s cartoons have. “Yeah, I can see that.” He picked Fluttershy up out of her seat on the couch, turned and sat down, placing Fluttershy on his lap. She giggled a little bit as a light blush formed on her cheeks. “How close are the storylines to the real thing anyway? I think it would be pretty neat to see how you girls got to be such good friends.”
“Oh, it wasn’t easy,” Fluttershy offered, “we were already pretty good friends after the thing with Nightmare Moon, but, um, we did become really good friends after some scary things happened.”
The next episode had started playing. Spike was shown cheering Twilight on about something. As soon as Twilight, the real Twilight, saw a mustache appear on Spike’s face, she groaned. Rick figured she must know what was coming up next. Now he was really curious.
“What’s wrong, Twi?”
“I know what, or should I say ‘who’ is coming up.” She turned to him with a look of disgust on her face. He could only hope it wasn’t for him. “Trixie, the great and powerful,” she spat the words.
“That little…” Applejack started but didn’t quite know how to finish, Equestria never did get the art of swearing. “She humiliated meh, Rainbow ‘n’ Rarity.”
“Yes, and if it weren’t for Twilight, Ponyville would have been destroyed by an Ursa Minor.” Rarity added while placing a reassuring hand on Twilight’s arm. Rick decided not to point out that that was just a constellation here.
“That sounds impressive,” Rick tried.
“Oh indeed it was,” Rarity defended. “As powerful as Twilight is, the strain still caused her nose to bleed.”
“Wow, seriously? Well, I’m glad I met her after she was reformed.” Rick shook his head in disbelief.
They watched as Trixie strutted around on stage, performing feats of magic that even Rick could outdo, all the while Spike, Rainbow, Rarity and Applejack scoffed. Twilight was visibly upset by this. She had apparently thought that since her friends were so disgusted by this magic user and she was far more powerful than Trixie, then her friends might hate her for using magic too.
Rick couldn’t help himself anymore, “is this really how it went down?”
“Not exactly,” Applejack growled.
“Yes, this is a very lax retelling,” Rarity agreed, “and I did not run off crying.”
“Yeah, bawling is more like it,” Twilight teased.
“Says the one that hid in her library,” Rarity hissed.
“Ladies,” Rick interrupted in a fatherly tone, “if you act like children, then you can’t participate in any grown-up activities.” The response was a general, “NO, NO, WE’LL BE GOOD!” shouted in a minor panic. “Alright then. Now, let’s watch Twilight kick Trixie’s backside and head out onto town.”
*****
“…if I’d known there was a bowling alley back home, I never would have challenged you girls,” Rick sulked a little as they walked to the truck.
Rick had brought them to a bowling alley thinking they could have some fun and he could show off a little. It hadn’t worked out that way. Rick had held his own at first, but only due to his advantage of experience with a human body. By frame four, it had become obvious that he was in way over his head.
“Well too bad,” Rarity snarked, “now, the victors wish to be entertained.”
“Yes, Your Majesty.” Rick scooped a giggling Applejack up in his arms and sped up a little.
“Hey, I meant me,” Rarity whined.
“But you said victors, AJ won,” he called back.
“He’s right ya know,” Applejack called over his shoulder.
“Bu-but, what about the rest of us?”
“Rar-Rachel, he’s joking,” Twilight reassured.
Rarity blushed a little as Fluttershy wrapped her arm around her and they walked to the truck. They all climbed in and headed off to do something else. Applejack had suggested miniature golf and everyone agreed that would be a good idea.
*****
They were now enjoying a game of miniature golf at a course built to look like a cartoonish hillbilly farm. That’s not to imply the course was cheaply decorated, quite the contrary. Dotted throughout the course was fiberglass pigs, ducks and cows, some were even dressed in the standard overalls. Speakers were hidden all over in fake stones and real bushes playing music, voices and sound effects. There was even an outhouse that would play noises resembling a toilet flushing, grumbling and mumbling, and even flatulence while shooting water out of a chimney, high into the air, and into a pond whenever a ball was hit under it.
Even Rarity, who is normally fully against such scenery, was enjoying herself to no end. It was even more enjoyable for everyone when Twilight’s geometric expertize was made pointless by the little secrets that would know a ball off its path or tubes that would spit the ball out further down the green. This made the game a level playing field for everyone and therefore more fun.
Heck, even when Asshole and his chuckling friends came by. They simply had them play through. The only negative was that Fluttershy hid behind Rick while the others scowled at Asshole. In the end, Applejack won. The other girls teased her that she was simply in her natural element and had the upper hoof.
“Did you girls enjoy yourselves?”
“Oh, absolutely,” Fluttershy said.
“Marvelous, Darling,” Rarity agreed, “even if those hooligans did show their faces again.”
“Yeah, Ah’m almost hopin’ ya’ll’ll knock their block off one uh these days, Rick.”
“Now, AJ, we don’t want any unnecessary violence,” Twilight said with a not very well disguised smirk.
“Well, one never knows what the future holds, AJ. I would of course much prefer we simply never see them again. And in five more days, that will become a certainty.” Rick opened the door on the truck for Twilight who slid over and let Rarity and Fluttershy take their seats behind her. “Well, ladies, there’s plenty of light left in the day, what say I show you some human magic?” Judging by their collective squeals, he guessed it was a good idea.
*****
“…you said human’s couldn’t do magic and it didn’t exist in this world,” Twilight pointed out as they took their seats in the theater.
Twilight and Fluttershy sat on either side of Rick and Applejack and Rarity sat beside them. The theater itself was not very large and it was pretty much what one would expect. The seats were only marginally comfortable and were red. The walls had red curtains, same as the stage, and there were gold painted columns in in each corner, along the walls and on either side of the stage.
“True, I did say that, but I’m not AJ, I can lie.”
“But, d-did you,” Fluttershy asked.
“Tell you what,” Rick leaned in and kissed Fluttershy’s forehead, “pay close attention to the show and you’ll figure it out.” He leaned back in his seat smiling, and spread his arms out across the backs of the others. Due to the size of his arms, he was able to not only surround Twilight and Fluttershy, but also place his hands on the shoulders of AJ and Rarity too.
Before he could explain, the curtains parted and a man in a tuxedo, complete with cane and top hat, stepped out on stage. He spread his arms and two doves flew out of his sleeves. He bowed deeply as the crowd applauded. After he straightened up, he indicated to one side of the stage and a women in a sequined leotard, cuffs, bow-tie, high heels and fish nets joined him on stage and was introduced as his assistant.
Rick had been to a few magic shows in his time and knew about the plants in the audience and even a few of the tricks behind the tricks. They did the sawing-a-woman-in-half tick. Simple, a deeper bottom inside the box thanks to a rigged table and false feet stuck out the bottom. In short, the woman was all on one end. Fluttershy’s burying her face in Rick’s chest while the others gasped told him they didn’t figure it out.
The levitating-assistant trick, another easy one. A small board attached to an ‘S’ shaped arm no a lift hidden behind the curtain. The assistant would lean into the board that reached from the shoulders to the hips, and then laid back as the board rotated to a flat position. The magician would then take the metal ring and run it down the body and swing it in a practiced path over the arm that appeared to prove the complete absence of strings and/or lifting arms.
There were other standards, the linking rings, the self-minding rope, and of course, card tricks. These, Rick never really figured out. It seemed as though the others couldn’t figure them out either. They could tell Equestrian magic wasn’t being used, but that was as far as they could tell.
“That was amazing!” Rarity cheered along with the rest of the crowd giving a standing ovation.
“It really was like magic,” Twilight admitted.
“Yeah, it was amazing wasn’t it?” Rick agreed. “Too bad it was all an illusion.”
“What? Really?” Twilight almost seemed disappointed.
“Yep, I told before, there was no magic here,” Rick said, being brutally honest. “Luckily,” Rick’s soft drink floated up from its cup holder on its own, “we know a place where there is some.” Rick spotted a little girl out of the corner of his eye, she was staring at him and the floating cup. He winked at her and plucked the cup out of the air, but not before putting a single finger to his lips. “Come on ladies, it’s getting late and I’m missing the cabin.”
*****
“We told you then, dear Fluttershy, we did not blame you for anything and we still value you as a friend.
They all sat on the sofa, this time it was Applejack sitting on Rick’s lap, and they were watching an episode of their own lives. This one was about them trying to roust a sleeping dragon to prevent its smoking snores from blocking out the sun. Apparently, Fluttershy had been too scared to traverse the mountain and face down the dragon without her friends prodding her the whole time.
“By the way, where’s Twilight?” Rick asked.
“Oh, she went upstairs to change,” Rarity replied.
“Hey, ya’ll think maybe it’s her turn ta go hog wild?” AJ asked, snickering to herself.
It was at that moment that Twilight popped into the room, literally. The only thing that preceded her arrival was a brief, blinding light. Once Rick could see again, he was very glad he could.
Twilight was wearing a bunny suit, complete with fluffy tail and ears. She even had the tie, cuffs and fish nets, just like the magicians assistant. She was also wearing a coat with tails, a vest and an oxford shirt. She bowed and a wand poofed into her hand.
“Oh-ho-ho, it seems as though someone likes wut he sees,” AJ quipped from Rick’s lap.
“I-uh-um, well… look at her. What’s not to like? Heck, I wouldn’t be surprised if I wasn’t the only one.”
Twilight interrupted the giggles coming from the couch by clearing her throat loudly. “Introducing, the Amazing Sparklini!” She bowed at the clapping coming from her audience. Another flash of light and her wand turned into a bouquet of flowers, real ones too. She handed the bouquet to Rarity who sniffed the fragrance deeply.
“Thank you, thank you. Now, for my next trick, I will need a volunteer from the audience.” Applejack was lifted into the air before Rick was teleported to Sparklini’s side. AJ was then allowed to fall from thin air onto the couch.
“Uhh… I guess I volunteer,” Rick snickered to hide to worry slowly building in the pit of his stomach.
“Nothing up my sleeve,” Twilight lifted her arms one at a time and demonstrated that there was indeed nothing up them, “and nothing up my assistant’s sleeves.” To prove this, Rick’s shirt suddenly disappeared.
There was another round of applause, “wut ‘bout his pants? Check thar too?” Applejack teased.
“Silence, please,” Twilight commanded. She raised her hands into the air. Rick’s body became completely rigid and started to float a few feet off the ground. More applauding and bowing.
Rick was set back down onto his feet. “Thank you,” it was a simple spell, but they were having fun. “Now keep your eyes on my assistant.” Twilight waved her hands around in exaggerated movements. Another flash of light and Rick was gone, leaving behind only his pants and boxers. This time, there was actual cheering coming from the couch. “Thank you all so much. And now, I must bid you farewell.”
After their vision came back, Fluttershy, Rarity and Applejack looked around and found no trace of Rick or Twilight.
“Oh, I hope their okay,” Fluttershy said with worry in her voice.
They looked up at the ceiling as the sound of giggles seeping through the floors.
“Darling, I’m sure they are just fine,” Rarity reassured as she turned the volume up on the television.