Fallout Equestria: Viva Las Pegasus -- Tales of New Pegasus

by hailetheking


Chapter Eleven: Bachelor Party!!!

Fallout Equestria: Viva Las Pegasus -- Tails of New Pegasus
Chapter Eleven: Bachelor Party!!!

-----

“So, Metronome, big wedding coming up, eh?”
 
“Yes, I noticed.”
 
“Really now?” I laughed.
 
I was by her side, watching the construction ponies setting up a grand stage front of the music school. Metronome was literally in knots trying to arrange this wedding, and right now she was barking orders at anypony not doing their job right. The blunt of the work got placed on Metronome, since Dee was the bride and it would seem wrong for her to do the heavy lifting, and although she was happy to oblige, the stress took its toll on my sister, arranging a grand wedding in only a few days.
 
I noticed she was worriedly looking over a clipboard of what I think was a list of materials. “Anything wrong, sis?”
 
“It’s nothing,” she dismissed me, obviously not wanting my snout in her business. All these years and she still remained distant.
 
“You sure?” I persisted, hoping to help her any way I can.
 
“Of course, now I’m busy,” she said, ignoring me while she was closely observing the workponies for any mistake. “We’re just a bit behind schedule, HEY YOU!” she barked, alarming the whole work crew, “GET YOUR FLANK MOVING! WE’RE FOLLOWING A DEADLINE!” Metronome yelled as a brown pony with sacks on his back perked up and quickly trotted towards the site.
 
“I can see you’re busy. Should I-?”
 
“Yes, Boulder. Get out, I need to focus,” she coldly commanded.
 
“Alright then,” I smiled, “just get a hold of me if you need anything.”
 
I trot away, towards the Music School behind the stage when I felt a hoof on my back.
 
“Wait,” Metronome looked at me apologetically, “Bouldy, I didn’t mean-“
 
“Nah,” I waved my hoof dismissively, “it’s no problem. I understand.” I gave her a warm smile to let her know I wasn’t really bothered by the way she dismissed me. She may act like she doesn’t care, but there are times she slips.
 
“Okay,” she gave a deep sigh of relief, but as soon as that came, her strict demeanour returned, “now stop bothering me.”
 
“Alright,” I rolled my eyes, “I’ll get out of your mane. I’ll be with Misfire if you need anything.”

-----

The Stringers lounge wasn’t all fancy or clean, but it was fine enough. It was a fixed up classroom, decorated with looted diner stalls and a long picnic table at the side of the room, and in one corner, two soda machines and a bunch of refrigerators stood, in case anypony needed a drink or a nibble. On my usual booth, over by the window with a very scenic view of the large gray wall of some ruin, I saw my lieutenant hanging around with an orange unicorn colt.
 
“And that’s where foals come from,” Misfire grinned at Sundown, who was probably ignoring every word he was saying, full attention diverted on the book surrounded by a blue mist right in front of him. Misfire’s ears dropped and he put on a frown a few seconds afterwards. “You weren’t listening, were you?”
 
“I’m not a foal,” Sundown rolled his eyes in annoyance, “I know that foals don’t come from plants on the ground.”
 
“Then where do foals come from, hmm?” the maroon pony nudged Sundown, smiling smugly as he watched the colt put his book down and ponder on the question.
 
“I don’t know,” Sundown sheepishly answered, shrinking in his stool in embarrassment.
 
“It’s because they come from plants! They start as beans!”
 
“Filling up the colt with your bullshit again, Misfire?” I chuckled as I pushed Misfire to the side of the stool, taking a seat.
 
“The colt’s a smart one, I’ll give you that,” he goofily grinned in response. “You see, foals come from-“
 
PAK!
 
“Don’t finish that sentence,” I told him as he rubbed his cheek, now colored red in the shape of my hoof.
 
“Oww,” he grumbled, “I get it.”
 
“So, Sundown, shouldn’t you be in class?” I asked the foal, who resumed reading his book and tuning us out.
 
“Lessons are postponed since nopony would teach. Miss Cleff is getting married and Metronome is too busy preparing the wedding. Don’t you remember me telling you?” Sundown stated dully, not letting an ounce of his attention leave his book.
 
“Tell me about it,” I rolled my eyes, “Metronome’s been stressing out like crazy.”
 
“Well, can you blame her?” Misfire piped up from my side, “Hey, but since she’s busy, you’re free to go to the party!”
 
“Party?” I ask, now fully awake and facing the pony to my left, “What party?”
 
“Nadyr’s Bachelor Party! Don’t you know?” he asked, looking as excited as ever.
 
“That bitch didn’t invite me!” I slammed my hoof on the table. “Somepony’s getting a beatdown.”
 
“Hang on, I just got news now, and it’s not Nadyr hosting it,” Misfire justified, putting a hoof over me to hold me back. “It’s actually Saddle, and it’s at Four Little Diamonds!”
 
“Wait, the BUCKMARE!?” I shouted in disbelief.
 
“Yeah, him. Can you believe it? It’s a surprise, so nopony tell Nadyr.”
 
“One minute, we’re all ready to shoot each other, and the other, we’ll all go binge drinking in a bar?” I chuckle, before clapping my hooves. “Great!”
 
“Wait, what about Sundown?”
 
“What about him?” I look at the colt still reading his book, barely paying us notice.
 
“Well, as far as I can tell, Metronome would be too busy, and I will NOT be stuck in foalsitting duty while you have fun.” Misfire made an ‘X’ with his front legs to fortify his point.
 
“We take him with us, duh.”
 
“What?” Misfire and Sundown look at me in unison, with a questioning look in their eyes, as if to say ‘are you serious?’
 
“Yeah, he’s old enough now, I don’t s’pose it’ll do him any harm,” I bellowed out a hearty laugh afterwards.
 
“I guess so!” the maroon pony smiled in response, “Congrats Sundown, you’re gonna be a stallion today!” He patted the blond mane on Sundown, who only sighed in exasperation.
 
“Am I the only one wondering how I’m still alive?”
 
“Sheer luck, by the looks of it!”
 
Both of us laughed once more, while Sundown simply rolled his eyes and continued reading his book.

-----

“Hurry up, fucker!” I goaded Misfire, who was taking a bath after oversleeping. “We’ll be late!”
 
We were on a schedule. One of the Stringers came up to us and told us it was our responsibility to bring Nadyr to the Four Little Diamonds for the surprise, because apparently, everypony else already called dibs on not doing it. So we had to get the groom early on, convince him to come with us to the Four Little Diamonds, then we can start the night of chaotic fun.
 
“Right, right, right,” he muttered as he quickly bolted out of the bathroom, fully dressed and prepped to go. “You ready Sundown?” he smiled at my young companion, who was hiding behind my leg.
 
“I guess so,” he quietly responded, looking away and not even
 
“Poor thing was always crazy shy,” I chuckled, “come on, Nadyr’s waiting.”
 
We trot down the hallway, ready to get crazy, when in front of us, a white mare looked at us with piercing eyes through her glasses. “Where are you going?” Metronome asked us, eyeing Sundown in particular.

“Well, there’s this bachelor party for Nadyr in Four Litt-“

“Why is Sundown with you?” she sternly asked us.
 
We’re treading on thin ice here....
 
“Uhh... you see, you’re really busy....” I mutter softly, trying to avoid eye contact. “And I couldn’t leave the foal alone...”
 
“And you’re bringing him to the bar?” Metronome lowered her glasses and glared at Misfire and I. Jeez, if looks could kill, we’d be massacred right now.

“Come on, there’s no other way around it,” Misfire tried to reason with my sister,
 
“You could not go,” the mare hissed at him.
 
All of a sudden, Sundown pushed his way in between us and towards Metronome. “Umm... Metronome?” he sweetly called her, shyly looking down to the floor and kicking idly using his left front hoof.
 
In an instant, Metronome’s face softened as she looked down to the cute little innocent colt. “Yes? What is it?” she knelt lower and gave a warm smile to the young foal.
 
“Well, I’d hate to be the reason that Nadyr doesn’t enjoy himself because it’s his special day tomorrow,” he softly mumbled, “and I can take care of myself, I promise,” he looked up at her with cute, beady blue eyes.
 
“I- oh, but- ugh, okay,” Metronome sighed at the sight of the colt, “fine, I’ll let you go with them, but promise you won’t get into trouble, okay?” she caringly told him as she put a hoof on his shoulder.
 
“Thanks Metronome!” he smiled as he wrapped his forelegs around my sister’s neck.
 
“No problem,” she smiles back, “Now go have some fun.”
 
Sundown breaks the hug and proceeds down the hall, but as we were about to follow, Metronome stopped both of us dead in our tracks.
 
“Listen, boys,” she hissed, back to her reprimandy mode again, “I’ll allow Sundown to go with you because he’s a great colt. But...” She leans in closer to Misfire, staring him directly in the eyes, “if any hair on his mane gets out of place, I. Will. End you,” she leaned forward on every word until Misfire was already about to fall because he was too backed up. “Okay?” she resumed her original position, allowing Misfire to stand straight once again, but we replied only with silence, until Misfire piped up.
 
“Meeeeeeeep,” he squealed, eyes wide open with fear.
 
“I’m glad we have an understanding, gentlecolts,” she gave us a sweet smile before trotting past us.
 
“Scary,” I commented. “Come on, let’s go,” I nudged on Misfire to go, but from his expression, I figured he was still a bit spooked.
 
Sundown was waiting for us by the stairs, taking an eyeful of Misfire as we slowly trotted towards him. “Not good, I assume?”
 
“Not good at all,” I agree, also looking at the maroon pony next to me.
 
“You owe me one for that stunt back there by the way,” he told me as-a-matter-of-factly.
 
“Yeah, I guess so,” I gave a soft laugh. “Let’s hurry, Nadyr’s waiting downstairs.”
 
Downstairs, we saw a black zebra with faint white stripes, sporting his trademark beard and mohawk, hanging by the empty lobby of the school, tapping his hoof in impatience until he saw us. “Hey!” he called out. “Come on, I didn’t get called out just to wait.”
 
“Right, of course, Mister Black,” I teased him with his handle, making him roll his eyes in response, “we don’t want to endanger your big wedding with the boss lady!”
 
“Come on, what was it I was being called for again?” he inquired.
 
“It was for... ummm...” I mumbled, quickly scrambling my thoughts in order to think of an excuse.
 
“The Stringers planned on singing a surprise song for Miss Cleff, and they wanted the groom to see it first and judge it.” Sundown chimed in, saving my ass.

“Oh?” the stallion giggled, “is that so? Man, I’d pay to see this. Come on, let’s hurry.”
 
“Right behind you,” I tell him as he exits the building. “Thanks for the save, kid,” I winked at Sundown before leaving with Misfire.

-----

After walking a few minutes, Misfire suddenly stops dead in his tracks, right under the darkening night sky of the city, with the bright lights slowly coming back to life.
 
“Hey, is something wrong with him?” Nadyr asks, looking back at the frozen maroon pony.
 
“I... don’t quite know,” I reply, approaching Misfire.
 
“Hello?!” I wave my foreleg in front of his eyes. “Misfire!? Snap out of it!”
 
“You know that thing with Metronome a while ago?” he emotionlessly says, still staring into space.
 
“Yeah?” I respond, worrying a bit. Did she scare him a bit too much?
 
“That...... That was crazy hot. I’ve been rock hard for the past five minutes.”
 
“AUUUGH DUUUDE!” Sundown yelped in disgust.
 
“FOR FUCK’S SAKE MISFIRE!” I yell, taking a step away from the red stallion.
 
Nadyr just looked at us, puzzled as to what we were talking about. Out of context, it seemed really wrong.

-----

“SURPRISE!” everypony yelled as we entered the bar.
 
“What’s this?” the half-zebra looked around, still recovering from the shock.
 
I put my foreleg over his neck, “A bachelor party! You’re one of us, even if you are still technically outside the gang.”
 
From the crowd of ponies emerged a fat, gray, earth pony. “You there!” Saddle Buckmare, owner of the Four Little Diamonds, cried. “You’re about to get the ball and chain! Let me show you a great time!” he approached the Stringer external member.
 
“Yeah!” the crowd cheered in unison. Nadyr wasn’t in the gang, but he’s been regularly called for his services, and the Stringers members have come to accept him as one of their own, even if it wasn’t official.
 
The drab, dull bar was filled with ponies, some wearing the Stringers jackets, well others wearing the padded leather with the Four Diamonds, but everypony had a big grin on their face, with either a mug of beer, a bottle, or a cup in their hoof. Some of the guys had already started, since I caught a few of them stumbling here and there.
 
“Looks like a great party,” the half-zebra smiled. “You arranged this?”
 
“Of course,” Saddle stretched his forearms in a welcoming fashion, “we’re on the same boat now, aren’t we?” he chuckled.
 
“Come on you two, enough with the formalities!” I placed one foreleg around each of their necks, “let’s get drinks!”

-----

An hour later, we were all buzzed, and the whole place smelled of booze, and with a hint of puke. It was story telling time, and there was a whole crowd swarming the round table where Nadyr, Saddle, some old pony and some griffin were sitting at, eager to hear the story.
 
“And then the junkie, with broken forelegs, he tried to charge at me full speed, right?” I said, with a lot of eyes in the bar on me as I stood on the round table. “So I my horn was all orange, ready to fuck shit up, then all of a sudden,” I stopped for dramatic effect, “his brains blew out right in front of me! I look across the street, and see Nadyr over there, still in the porta-potty with the door wide open, still shitting, with a pistol in his mouth!” Everypony broke into laughter, while Nadyr just rolled his eyes.
 
“I saved your flank!” he objected with a smile.
 
“All right, all right, let’s be fair,” I bellowed, catching everypony’s attention. “Let’s not make fun of Mister Black, because after all, I did see a lot of him I never intended to that day, at let me just say,” I chuckled, then wolf-whistled, “he’s got a lot going wrong for him down there too!”
 
The crowd once again howled with laughter, and I think Saddle even began choking on some peanuts as I told the joke. Nadyr, being the good sport, just slammed a hoof to my nuts as I was on the table.
 
PAK!
 
Once again, the crowd got drunk with laughter (and booze, mind you.) I was laughing too, even though I was in pain, then I puked all over the side of the table because of the drunkenness and the groin hit, the griffin barely avoiding the big spill. “Aww, gross!” she shrieked as she backed away, and everypony but her laughed at the sight. “What was that all about?” the griffin whined in disgust.
 
“That was you displaying great reflexes, dear!” her boss laughed, “no wonder I hired you!” Saddle was leaning on the old pony, his face barely showing any sign of awareness in him. The fat flank was drunk out of his mind.
 
As soon as I recovered, I was once more standing over the crowd on the table. “Alright, alright, who else wants to tell a story about the groom?”
 
Somepony at the back of the crowd raised his hoof. “Oh! Me!” He ran up to the front and took my place as I stepped down and blended into the crowd once more. “Let me tell you the story of Nadyr and the toaster-shooters.”
 
“Alright,” he began, “so this one time, a bunch of us were hanging around. Then somepony came up to us, told us we were being called. Then Miss Metronome, the bitch-“
 
“HEY!” Everyone in the room turned to me and backed away, knowing shit might be going down. “Don’t you fucking say that about her!”
 
The whole crowd fell silent for a few moments, before some mare in the crowd blurted out, “Aww, that’s so sweet! Defending his sister!”  All of a sudden, the whole room began teasing me with being soft and whatnot.
 
“I- I- I... Oh come on guys,” I stammered, “It’s not wrong to love your family members. I love my sister, and-”
 
“I love your sister too!” A voice rang out from the back of the room. And then everypony lost their shit.
 
“OOOOH!”
“SHIIIIIIIT!”
“Did he really just say that?”
“Man, below the belt!”
“That’s against the bro code!”
“Shit’s going down!”
“I got ten caps on Boulder beating the shit out of whoever that was.”
 
The crowd murmured, some ponies just stood up and shouted because of the solidness of that comment, others laughed their ass off, but everypony knew that something good was going to happen. The crowd actually parted ways for me, isolating the stallion that made that comment.
 
I angrily stumble up to him and look him in the eye. “You mind repeating that, boy?”
 
The stallion just gave me a goofy smile, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry... what I said was...”
 
He then proceeded to try to climb up the nearest table without tripping, then he stood on his hindlegs, elevating him like a beacon amongst the sea of ponies. “I WOULD LIKE TO POUND METRONOME’S PLOT SO HARD ALL NIGHT!” he bellowed to the crowd, slurring and emphasizing every word while looking me straight in the eye, as if to mock me.
 
“Dammit, get down here!” I bite on his tail and yank him down, causing him to crash into some ponies. “Let’s rumble!” I growl at him as I land a hoof to his face. The stallion, still drunk, but aware enough to fight, returns the punch. Out of nowhere, Misfire comes in and bucks the stallion in the face, prompting his friends to join in the fight. Looking around, I saw some random mare just buck a stallion who was uninvolved, and more like that happened until the place was literally a madhouse. I spotted Saddle under a table while I got slammed to the floor by three unicorns, and I was able to catch a glimpse of Sundown reading his book by the door, so at least I knew he was safe. Now, all I needed to do was to get out of this alive...

-----

Later on, the fighting got tiring and everyone went back to drinking, puking, and laughing like nothing ever happened. In fact, I was even sharing a drink with that loudmouth I picked a fight with, along with Misfire and another Stringer. We were just chatting it up when out of nowhere, the lucky groom joined us.

“Hey!” he cheerfully greeted, although it was more of a mumble, which meant he was super drunk. He was looking surprisingly fine, suit wrinkled a bit but no bruises. It’s either he was a really good fighter or he dodged the fight. Knowing Nadyr, it’s the first.

“It’s the lucky groom!” Misfire yelled, putting a hoof around the half-zebra. “Come on, how’s it feel to get it down with the boss lady?”
 
“Is she great in bed?” The loudmouth asked, before being nudged by his friend.
 
“Inappropriate!” His companion reprimanded.
 
“Nah, it’s fine, and I don’t know yet,” he gave us a toothy smile, “but I’ll tell you as soon as I find out.”
 
We laugh about it and continue to chat for a while when I realize something. “Wait, you’re technically one of us now, right?”
 
Nadyr rubbed his beard thoughtfully, “Yeah, I guess so.”
 
All of a sudden, I was sharing a devious smile with Misfire and the two other Stringers, then we all looked at Nadyr.
 
“What?” he asked, obviously a bit creeped out.
 
Ignoring him, I stand up on a table and call the gang to attention. “STRINGERS!” All ponies in the signature Stringers jacket turned to me, much to the confusion of the Buckmare employees. “We are considering Nadyr one of us, and he’s getting married tomorrow, so....?”

“TWENTY-ONE BOTTLE SALUTE!” the Stringers shouted in unison.
 
“Wait, what?” Nadyr looked around, still having no clue what was going on. The Buckmares also had no idea what was going in, as they harboured the same look Nadyr had.
 
“Barkeep!” I call, looking at the pony behind the bar counter, “21 bottles of your strongest drink, please!”
 
“I don’t like where this is going...” Nadyr muttered, looking awfully unsure.
 
“It’s tradition,” I assured him, “this has happened to many other now-married Stringers,” as a tray of 21 bottles of “Special Applejack Cider Supreme” was brought in front of us.
 
“Drink up!” the loudmouth Stringer egged on.
 
“Where’s the shot glass?”
 
“Shot glass? AHAHAHAHA!” I laughed as I held Nadyr in place with my magic.
 
“Wait, what are you-“ he gulped, before Misfire’s hooves put his snout up.
 
“Drink up,” my lieutenant smiled, stuffing a bottle down his mouth. “Good, good,” he beamed.
 
We continued this twenty one more times, with the whole bar chanting as we finished each bottle. “FIVE! SIX! SEVEN!” they’d chant, and I’m not going to lie, the black beast was tough, but he puked like five or six times, one even got all over a Buckmare mare, who also vomited in turn.
 
At the end, the zebra was panting in relief. “Ugh, finally,” he groaned as he fell to the ground, “I finished the twenty-one bottle salute!”
 
Once again, every Stringer into the room broke into a fit of laughter.
 
“That’s not good,” he croaked in frustration, words barely coherent from the alcohol.
 
“STRINGERS!” I boomed out across the bar. “FORM UP!”
 
In a flash, I, Misfire, and a whole group of Stringers were lined up neatly in front of the laying groom. “Nineteen, twenty- wait, where’s Sundown!?” I ask, counting the number of ponies in the row.
 
After a few minutes, a Stringer came with Sundown, holding him with his teeth by the orange pony’s shirt. “What is it?” the blond pony grumbled, obviously having enough of our shit.
 
I kneel down and look at him in the eye, and put a hoof on his shoulder. “Boy, it’s time you grew up. You’re a Stringer, and it’s time for you to do your duty...” I magically hand him one of the empty bottles Nadyr finished. “Here, go to the end of the line and follow my lead,” I instruct him. The colt was puzzled and annoyed, but nonetheless, he headed towards the end of the line.
 
I trot back to the front of Nadyr’s limp, drunk, figure with another one of his finished bottles glowing above my head, and a whole row of Stringers to my left. “TWENTY ONE BOTTLE SALUTE!” I announce, as I smash the bottle on the groom’s head.
 
CRASH!
CRASH!
CRASH!
CRASH!
CRASH!
CRASH!
CRASH!
CRASH!
CRASH!
CRASH!
CRASH!
CRASH!
CRASH!
CRASH!
CRASH!
CRASH!
CRASH!
CRASH!
CRASH!
CRASH!
CLINK!
 
Wait, clink? I glare at Sundown, who sheepishly lowered his head after giving Nadyr a soft touch with the glass bottle. With a deep sigh, I pick up the bottle Sundown left ungrazed when he hit the zebra’s skull. “No, Sundown, you do it like this.”
 
CRASH!
 
“Haha! Nadyr’s out cold!” I laugh, as Misfire handed me a whole bottle of ‘Special Applejack Cider Supreme,’ and I popped it open. “Bottom’s up!” I say, as I drown the liquid down the hatch.
 
And that’s all I remember about that night.

-----

I was chuckling at the memory, sitting in that bench basking in the afternoon light. The pink pony beside me just stared at me with blank eyes, as if she just saw            .
 
“That was... wow.”
 
“What? You asked for a story, Miss Rose, and I gave you a story!” I beamed.
 
“I asked about the wedding. That had nothing to do with that, uh, party.”
 
“Well,” I sheepishly said, realizing my mistake, “as one of my favourite author says, ‘you have to go backwards, before you go forwards.’”
 
“You read books?” she scoffed in disbelief. “You don’t seem the type.”
 
“Actually, no, that’s just a line Sundown told me once. Anyway, continuing on...”