//------------------------------// // The Mysterious Mare Do Well // Story: A Dream // by totallynotabrony //------------------------------// “What are you working on?” asked Sweetie Belle, quite unexpectedly. I slammed my head against the underside of the vehicle in surprise. “Don’t sneak up on me like that.” I crawled out, rubbing my injury. “It’s an experimental crew-served VTOL.” She nodded, either understanding or just not caring. “Where’s your friends?” “Apple Bloom is in detention for goofing off, and Scootaloo is at the Rainbow Dash Fan Club meeting.” “Rainbow has a fan club? I’m disgusted, yet not surprised.” “Well anyway, I should be getting back. Rarity will start looking for me soon.” She ambled away. I glanced up at Captain Falcon sitting above me. “You were supposed to warn me.” He shrugged. “That filly’s a ninja, you know.” The bird turned away, preening the feathers of one wing. I went back to working on the new aircraft. In the interest of indestructibility, I had made sure that it was built like a tank. A flying tank. In fact, even with twin rotors and improved engines, I was unsure whether it would even get off the ground. I was still debating what to call the machine. Perhaps something would come to me after the first flight. I went for a walk down to the hardware store to pick up a few things. On the way, I saw a balcony full of senior citizens nearly fall to their death. Rainbow saved them or something. I approached the scene to check out what had happened. The balcony support structure had failed. I shook my head. Some pony designer was about to get fired. Thinking about it more, the civil engineers around here were terrible. That steep downhill road leading out of town ended at a cliff, for God’s sake. Things were always rolling down there only to be saved in the nick of time. Rainbow was signing autographs in the town square when I came back. I skirted the line and kept walking. “Help, help!” somebody cried. Looking around, I didn’t see anything. There had been a hot air balloon passing overhead earlier, but I didn’t see it now. Must have gone behind a building or something. What I did see was a pony in a purple outfit with a cape and a hat. It was not Nightmare Night, so I saw no reason for anyone to be dressed up and hiding their face. The pony jumped away over the rooftops. There had been screaming for help and a masked pony was spotted. I put two and two together. “What’s this?” I said. “A villain? Sounds like a job for…” Failing to come up with anything cool, I lamely finished “…me.” I smiled, though. I had been slacking on my vengeance and justice duties lately. It was time to be awesome. No, not awesome. That sounded like something Rainbow would say. I would have to come up with a better catchphrase than that. I shook my head. Actions now, words later. I ran for the library. “Captain! There’s a mysterious pony in town who is up to no good! Come on!” The bird joined me in the cockpit of the aircraft. I fired up the engines and got the rotors spinning. I buckled my seat belt (safety first) and jammed the throttles to the stops. The vehicle shot into the air much faster than I had planned. It was apparently higher performance than I thought. Struggling to put my sunglasses on and fly at the same time, all the while without fingers, I lost control and crashed into the school. Cheerilee emerged from the wreckage, coughing. "“What’s the meaning of this!” “Sorry, I had a little accident. I’m currently in pursuit of ponies unknown who are up to no good.” “That sounds cool,” said Apple Bloom, who had been serving her punishment for goofing off. She clambered aboard the aircraft. “Apple Bloom! What about your detention?” “Sorry Ms. Cheerilee. Ah have’ta go save Ponyville.” She picked up my sunglasses from where they had come to rest and put them on. “Deal with it.” I gave her a brohoof and fed the engines more power, somehow disentangling the machine from the building. It looked like it had received only superficial damage. The aircraft, that is. The school was going to need a new roof. We roared away. “What does this pony look like?” asked Apple Bloom. “Well…kind of like that.” I pointed to a faraway purple-clad speck that was currently saving a group of tourists in a cart from falling to their deaths. “But evil,” I added. “They should really put a barricade on that hill or somethin’,” said Apple Bloom. Captain nodded in agreement. “Yeah. Anyway, I don’t know who that was that stopped the wagon, but I’m sure we’ll find our pony soon.” A cloud of dust was rising from the center of town, so I pointed the aircraft that way. When we got there, a construction site of a new building had collapsed, and cloaked figure was running away. “Aha! Our villain strikes again!” I discounted the idea that it could have been the same pony that stopped the cart. It was impossible to be in two places at once, right? First the balcony and now the building. Equestrian civil engineering really was terrible. I shrugged it off. We had a pony to find. A few minutes later, Apple Bloom said, “Hey, do you see that?” She pointed at a flow of water seeping from a crack in the nearby dam. Christ, was this pony some kind of anti-engineer? I flew in closer. There, standing next to the destruction, was the mysterious pony. Landing the helicopter, I jumped out. “Hey you! I don’t know what your game is, but if the dam is your target, go right ahead. I’m in the petroleum business myself, and eliminating competition from hydroelectric sources would be a big help.” What can I say? I know an opportunity when I see one. Something big and heavy hit me from behind and I blacked out. Apple Bloom was prodding me when I woke up. “Are you all right?” Judging from the reflection of myself in the sunglasses she wore, probably not. “What happened?” “That mystery pony was a unicorn and used magic to hit you in the back of the head with a rock.” “All right,” I said struggling to stand up. “He’s going down.” “She,” Apple Bloom corrected. “No way is a stallion that slim, even with an outfit like that.” “You calling me fat?” She laughed. I didn’t think it was funny. On the way back to Ponyville, I contemplated my game plan. After several minutes of thinking, I couldn’t come up with anything more specific than “kick her ass.” Oh well, that would be good enough. Down below, I spotted Rainbow chasing the very pony I was looking for. Excellent. “Apple Bloom, take the controls! Get me in close!” As the machine roared overhead, I dove out the door with the intention of tackling the mysterious mare. She jumped aside at the last moment as if she knew I was coming, and I faceplanted into the dirt. “That looked painful,” said Rainbow, skidding to a stop. “Uuughhhhhh. Mom was right. I think I actually did break my neck doing that.” Everything hurt too much to move, and I lay facedown on the ground. “Wiggle your hooves,” she said. I tried. “We have to stop this before things get out of hand,” I heard Twilight say. “They already are,” I muttered. “You’re Mare Do Well?” shouted Rainbow. “Who’s that?” I asked. “You too, Applejack? Pinkie?” I was clearly missing something important, but there wasn’t much I could do about it. The other ponies talked among themselves for a while before the remembered me. There was some conspiratorial whispering before they rolled me over. I blinked in the sun. “Come on,” said Rarity. The rest of the ponies had gone. “I’ll take you home. Can you walk?” “Let me see. No.” At least I could wiggle my hooves, so I suppose my spine wasn’t broken. She sighed. “Let me help.” Her horn glowed and she dragged me through the street back to the library. Rarity was good with finesse, but didn’t have quite the strength that Twilight had, and couldn’t get me off the ground. I ended up back on the couch. I was covered in dirt, and Rarity said that she would be by the next day to clean things up, assuming I felt better. I hoped I did. I had a mare to kill. “What do you know about this mysterious masked pony?” I asked Twilight. “Huh? Oh. We took turns dressing up and saving the day in order to make fun of Rainbow and teach her some humility.” She explained how everything I thought I had seen was incorrect. “So you guys were actually heroes instead of villains.” “That’s right.” "You could have at least let me in on the secret. I wanted to make a fool out of Rainbow, too." Twilight laughed. "Knowing you, it probably would have devolved into violence and crude humor." "Eh." Later, Twilight went somewhere, maybe to one of Pinkie’s forced parties. I managed to sit up. There was still a Charlie Foxtrot of pain banging around in my body, but I was improving. I stumbled off the couch and went to find something to drink. I wondered if Twilight had left a pot of tea upstairs in her bedroom. I didn’t find the teapot, but I did spot something else. Folded neatly on her bed was a purple cape and a matching hat. Cold realization hit me. It had probably been her that had chunked me in the head with a rock. Twilight could have killed me. I laughed, suddenly. Strange as it sounded, I understood. If I’d been her, I probably would have done the same thing. It was at that moment that I forgave her for all the harm she’d done me. I had been a terrible pony, and probably deserved it all. Either that, or I had suffered more brain damage than I thought.