//------------------------------// // Sweep the Floor // Story: Rainbow Burger // by KelGrym //------------------------------// Rainbow Burger by Kel Grym Three hours went by. Things remained the same. Pinkamena stood by the window taking orders as time dragged on. She peered over into the kitchen where the other ponies worked. She looked at the kitchen floor in disgust. Lyra needs to sweep. Pinkamena’s headset beeped. “Hello, thank you so much for choosing Rainbow Burger, Equestria’s number one family friendly, fast food, soy burger restaurant! How can I make you smile today? Would you be interested in one of our combo deals?” She greeted per her usual cheery manner. “No, I think I want just a rainbow burger, no cheese.” The voice on the headset said. “Would you like mayo or mustard with that?” “Mayo.” “Okie Dokie Lokie, so that’s just a rainbow burger, mayo, no cheese, with all the vegetables, correct?” “Yeah. I also want Dr.Pampa and a medium fry with that.” Pinkamena let go of the intercom button and growled under her breath. The customer just basically asked for a number one combo. Stupid bucking idiots can’t read the sign! She pressed the intercom button and said, “Absolutely positively, so that’ll be a number one, mayo and cheese, with a regular Dr.Pampa and medium fries. Would you like a cupcake with that, sir?” “Um…no, and I didn’t order a number one. Just the rainbow burger with fries and a drink.” The customer responded. Twit. “The rainbow burger with fries and a drink is the number one, sir,” Pinkamena replied doing her best not to let any of her contempt seep into her voice. There was a pause on the other side. “…Oh. Ok. How much is that?” “4 bits and 84 bittybits.” Another pause. “Do you take dollars?” Dammit! Bucking out of towner! We don’t take interdimensional currency! We have a sign outside, but obviously you can’t read to begin with! Stupid illiterate fuck head! She screamed inside her head. “Oh no, I’m so sorry, but unfortunately we only take Equestrian bits. Don’t worry though, if they sign bill 46-C in the Fall, then the franchise plans to accommodate all currencies, but not until then.” She waited for the customer to respond. He was probably going to leave. “Oh, alright. That’s cool. Uh, I guess I’ll come back another time,” the customer said and then drove off. Pinkamena slumped down on the window counter. This was why she hated the window. Idiots. Idiots all the time. Either they’d do what that human did, or they’d take forever making up their minds on what they want then change their mind at the last minute after their meal was halfway done. Pinkamena seen it all and as much as she wanted to tell them off, curse at them, or jump out the window and outright strangle them she couldn’t. Her job demanded it, and her professionalism wouldn’t allow it. Pinkamena looked at the time on the terminal screen. 9pm. Breaktime. She walked to Sombra’s office and knocked on the door. Sombra poked his head out. “What do you want?” he asked. “I’m going on break.” Sombra blinked. “Didn’t you already go on break?” “No.” “Are you sure?” “Yes I’m sure. You can check the terminal time sheet, if you want.” Sombra thought about it. He could, but that’d be more work. “I’ll take your word for it. Twenty-two minutes, but that’s it.” He said before ducking back into the office. Pinkamena rolled her eyes and headed back to the kitchen. “Hey Big Mac!” she hollered. The red stallion turned towards Pinkamena. “I’m going on break. Just make me the usual. I’m about to ring it up.” “Eeyup,” Big Mac said as he pressed a button on the side of the grill. A frozen patty shot out from the chrome on the back of the wall and on to the grill. Big Mac went over to the sink and dipped his hooves in a sanitation solution before he walked over to the grill on his hind quarters. Equestria enforced strict equal opportunity laws on all businesses, but sanitation was big deal to humans for some reason. It was probably due to a weaker immune system. Even though a ponies’ mouth did not have near the number of bacteria that human’s had, using a mouth to handle anything that touched food was a big no-no so a lot of changes in the human fast food restaurant model had to be changed to accommodate ponies. On one side that meant more money for the restaurant to spend, but on the other it actually made the process of getting food out to the customer much quicker. If the machine that shot meat out onto the grill ever malfunctioned, then the managers would have a human or unicorn put a box of patties in the cooler and have them take over the grill and put the earth pony or pegasus somewhere else. Pinkamena walked over to the terminal at the front counter after she grabbed her book satchel from the hanger wall and punched in her order. She began to put in her employee discount that’d negate the cost when she noticed something strange. She couldn’t find the employee discount button in the functions list. What? Where did it go? She could hear Chrysalis snicker behind her. “Oh what’s wrong? Having a little trouble there?” Chrysalis asked. Pinkamena turned a wrathful eye on her. “What happened? Why can’t I find my discount?” A grin spread across Chrysalis’ lips. “There is no employee discount.” Pinkamena’s expression darkened. “What do you mean there’s no employee discount?” “Just exactly what I said, Pinkie. New company policy and all that.” Chrysalis was enjoying this way too much. The things Pinkamena thought about doing to her would make career serial killers wince. “And I take it since your assistant manager, your discounts still in place?” Chrysalis chuckled. “Right you are. Looks like you’re just going to have to pay for your meal just like everyone else or bring lunch to work with you.” Pinkamena fumed then stared off for a moment at the ceiling. She was imagining what bug guts looked like splattered on a semi’s grill. If only changelings didn’t fly. “Hello, Equestria to Pinkie, are you there?” Pinkamena snapped out of her fantasy. “Oh sorry. Just got lost in thought…don’t you think it’s a pity jet’s are banned from Equestria?” Chrysalis furrowed her brow and said, “I fly to work, of course not! Were you imagining me getting sucked into a jet engine?” “Something like that. By the way, Big Mac’s already making my burger.” “Oh really?” “Really.” Chrysalis pondered this for a second. Or pretended to. “Well I guess I’ll just have to tell him to put it on the side and use it for the next customer. Too bad Pinkie, but thanks for telling me.” Pinkamena was about to chip a tooth. “Don’t call me Pinkie.” Chrysalis’ smirked and said, “But that’s what your name ta..” “Car.” Chrysalis’ headset beeped. She grimaced and said, “You’ve got 19 minutes left on your break.” She left Pinkamena for the window in a huff. Pinkamena gave up on her order and went to sit at a table. She couldn’t believe they took the employee discount away. Wasn’t there a law against that? She was furious. The employee discount was the one thing that made her job bearable. Now it was gone. Greedy no good corporate bigwigs Laying her head on the table she was already thinking about how she was going to move her budget around. She was seriously thinking about quitting. Turning her head she noticed the television mounted in the upper corner of the dinning room. A Rainbow Burger commercial was playing on the screen. She saw the colors of the rainbow shoot around different corners of the screen against a black background before it separated in two, morphing into the shape of the company mascot’s mane and tail. The mane and tail moved around the screen as if attached to a pony against the blackness. The invisible pony trotted up to the screen and whispered to the audience. “Psst. Hey,” the mascot’s voice said on the t.v, “I got an awesome secret to tell you. Can you keep a secret?” The invisible figured paused then the sound of light switched could be heard clicking on. The black background disappeared with the click revealing a cyan colored pony filling in the space between the prismatic mane and tail standing in front of a Rainbow Burger restaurant. The company mascot let go of the cartoonish light switch that zipped upwards off screen and exclaimed, “Well I hope not! Cause now you can get our trio of extra large cupcakes for only 3 bits! That’s right! 20% off, 20% cooler cupcake deals are back! Tell everypony, tell everyone!” Rainbow Dash then flew into the air forming the familiar rainbow arc that was the company’s logo with her rainbow contrail. The rainbow logo with the two clouds connecting the ends lingered on screen as the background turned to black again. The voice of one of those commercial narrators spoke at the end saying, “20% off, 20% cooler…It’s back.” The commercial ended there and the news came back on. This is all that bitches’ fault. The company mascot served to Pinkamena as a symbolic mental punching bag for all her pent up frustration. She thought about several different ways to kill Rainbow Dash. Decapitation, evisceration, drowning, burning and sawing her wings off usually came to mind. She knew it was just an actor with a dyed mane and tail, but it would be gratifying if she could listen to her screams emitting from an oven set to broil. As she mused on these thoughts she heard a tray placed down in front of her. Looking up she saw her order on the tray and Big Mac beside her. “I thought Chrysalis told you to set that aside?” Pinkamena asked. “Eeyup.” “But won't you…” “I paid for it,” He said, cutting her off. Pinkamena smiled. “You didn’t have to do that. Thanks.” Big Mac smiled back at her and said, “Don’t mention it.” She noticed his hat and name tag were gone. “Already off the clock?” “Eeyup.” “Guess I’ll see you tomorrow, then.” “Eeyup,” Big Mac said as he began to leave. Right before he got to the door he paused. He looked over his shoulder to her and added, “Take it easy, Pinkie.” She smiled one more time and said, “I’ll try. Thanks again for paying my meal.” Big Mac nodded at that and left. She focused her sights on the burger in front of her. She hated these burgers. The burger itself wasn’t that bad, it was just sickening after eating there for so long. She unwrapped the burger from its paper bindings and began to inspect the contents. Aha…just as she thought. Big Mac slipped in some cheese and jalapenos. He always did have her back. Just as she began to chow down on her meal a turquoise unicorn sat down in the chair across her table. Lyra Heartstrings grinned at Pinkamena. Pinkamena stared at her. What did this cunt want from her? “I heard him call you Pinkie.” Lyra said conspiratorially. She blinked at the unicorn and took a bite out of her burger. “You don’t let anyone call you Pinkie,” Lyra said. A mischievous smile grew on her face. She continued, “Why didn’t you tell me you two were rutting?” Pinkamena put her burger down on the table and leveled a look at Lyra that told the unicorn she was a giant moron. “Lyra…” “Yes?” “Big Mac’s my cousin.” Lyra’s eyes widened and a blush made its way to her cheeks. “Oh…I didn’t know that. Why haven’t you mentioned it before?” “Because it’s none of your business. Big Mac never mentioned it to you either…again, because it’s none your business. Lyra huffed and rolled her eyes. “Yeesh, I get it. I’m sorry.” Pinkamena ignored Lyra and continued to eat her burger. She hoped that Lyra would just go away and leave her alone in peace. “Oh, have you seen the new guy? Tom?” She was wrong. Her eye twitched. She knew better than to ask, but she did anyway. “Boulder shoulder? What about him?” Lyra squeed in delight, “He’s been flirting with me! Isn’t that great?” Disgust ran its cold coarse down Pinkamena’s back. She just stared at Lyra with her nose wrinkled and mouth slightly open as if a Griffon flew down from the sky and took a steaming shit in her cereal. Lyra began to squirm under her gaze. “Get the fuck away from me.” Pinkamena finally said. Lyra’s ears fell back against her head, but she quickly recovered. “Oh I see. You’re one of these bigots that disapprove of human pony relationships.” “You’re damn right I do.” Lyra’s eyes widened in shock. She never took Pinkamena as a bigot. “What are you some kind of speciest?” Pinkamena thought about how to answer that. Truth be told, she actually was a card carrying member of ENAH (Equestrian natives against humanity). It wasn’t that she thought ponies or any other species was inherently better than another, but every Sunday the group she went to had a potluck. She usually brought a few bags of chips and got to take wholesome home cooked food back to her flat and coffee was always free there. Also she hated humans, but that was beside the point. “Lyra, humans are disgusting, disease ridden abominations Epona ditched off in another dimension for a reason.” Lyra’s jaw dropped and her eyes widened to saucer plates. “How can you say that!? Humans are great! I mean, yeah, you got good humans and bad humans just like you got good ponies and bad ponies, but they’re not disease ridden!” “They brought the Hominid Flu with them.” “That was over two decades ago! They made the vaccine for that and we made a lot of progress in medicine since then! In fact, we’ve made a lot of technological progress because of what they brought over.” “You call this progress?” Pinkamena asked, gesticulating to the restaurant around them. Lyra rolled her eyes, “Don’t tell me you’re also one of those types who thought things were better in the stone ages?” Pinkie stood up from her seat and said, “Humans were already around before our time, so I couldn’t say if things were better in the stone ages, I wouldn’t know, but what I do know is that I would probably sleep better at night if one of their roads didn’t run right by my flat! I mean, shit, maybe if the humans never came to this world to begin with I’d be living in a small backward town running a damn bakery or something, happier than Bob Marwari smoking a blunt of locoweed, but no, I’m stuck in this cesspit working a bucking minimum wage fast food job with a twit who spreads rumors that I rut my cousin, bangs the hominids that turned the world into their personal shit hole and NEVER SWEEPS THE FUCKING FLOORS!” By now Lyra was shrinking down in her chair as Pinkamena stood towering above her over the table. “B-but,” Lyra began, trying to gain some ground in the argument, “That’s just the kind of hateful attitude that makes so many problems in society today. We need to love and..” “Buck love and tolerance!” Pinkamena said as she slammed her hooves on the table. “Ms.Pie, Language!” Sombra called out from across the counter. “Also, your break is up…get back to work.” Pinkamena soon became aware of herself and looked around. Luckily for her the dining area was empty or she could have potentially had a lawsuit on her hooves. How did she let herself get out of control like that? She looked down to her burger. It was only half finished. She looked back to Lyra. “This conversations over. I’m clocking back in. Don’t talk to me for the rest of the day.” Lyra watched as Pinkamena made her way back to the terminal trying to eat as much of her burger as she could before she clocked in. That entire conversation left a bad taste in her mouth. How did she know she spread that rumor yesterday, anyways? She was about to get up from the table to use the restroom when she noticed something. Pinkamena left her book satchel beside the chair. Lyra thought to herself that she should return it. As she reached down to pick it up she was suddenly struck with curiosity. Oh no, I shouldn’t, she thought to herself. Of course, that would be a violation of privacy, and just plain rude. She was just going to pick it up and take it to Pinkamena and be done with it. Yet, just as soon as she decided to do that, she wondered to herself, Why does she always take it with her on break? Looking to her left, then to her right, then over to the counter where Pinkamena disappeared she opened the flap of the book satchel and peered inside. She saw something strange in there. Making sure no one was looking; she picked up what was inside. It took her a few seconds to realize what she was holding. Slowly, she placed it back into the satchel and closed the flap. A chill colder than death ran up her spine.