//------------------------------// // You Aren't Made For This Geiger // Story: An Exceptional Discovery On The Nature Of Pony Names // by L Pondera //------------------------------// He lay in the ditch groaning for some time, wondering just how many bones had he broke. To his astonishment he was able to roll over on his hooves and get up. A quick test of his limbs showed he hadn’t broken any. Though he had a badly bruised left flank and rear. “Not broken into little pieces? I am… I’m not dead! Still hurts worse than when that crystal blew up in my face.” Geiger announced aloud to the world's deaf ear. Though he had escaped Fillydelphia and the treasury’s villainous plot. He was by no means safe now. Worse still, he didn’t exactly know where he was, or even where the train was heading. “Where in all of Equestria am I? Let’s see, the train was heading south to southeast, and… wait. I’m not a geologist! How am I supposed to figure any of this out?!” He moaned to the sky above, before trudging along the tracks after the train. “Maybe there will be a fork, I can just take the… Oh wait.” ----------------- Meanwhile! ----------------- “Yes I am aware that the transfer won’t go through for the next twelve hours…” Scribe was saying over the phone back at the Baltimare station. She was still buzzing from the rush of her encounter with the thieving scientist Dr. Geiger. She could just imagine him stroking a cat on his lap while he cackled to himself. In his dark lair, full of unimaginable evil science. She giggled to herself as she imagined him with an eye patch. Such silliness conviced her she could ride a desk at the Collections Department, not being thrown into the frey. So long as she proved unremarkable enough. “Well Miss Scribe, has Geiger been informed of the situation?” There came from the phone an unfamiliar ice cold tone from the other end of the phone. “Ah, Mister Pewter, Kinsley Wages has told me all about you. Though he failed to mention the sheer authority of your voice. Indeed Doctor Geiger is most aware of his situation.” Scribe said taking note that Kinsley had failed to warn her of the blood chilling aura Mr. D. Pewter possessed. “Indeed, Miss Ranger Scribe. That is most welcome news. I also understand you applied for the Collections Department, I hope this isn’t because of-” Mr. Pewter was saying. “You don’t have to worry about that. I understand the limitations of what I would be allowed to do. I assure you, things won’t end up like… that.” Scribe said, not eager to interrupt some one like Mr. Pewter, but certainly less eager to hear mention of THAT again. “I see Miss Scribe, well, if you are entirely certain about that, then I suppose I’ll move your transfer through right away. Within the hour, you’ll be one of our leading field agents for the collections department. And as your first order, you are to relocate Doctor Geiger, and post his position back to us. Oh, and Miss Scribe.” Here it comes… “Be sure to persuade him to surrender to authority. I can tell you have a talent for that sort of thing.” Mr. Pewter said, his voice growing into an eerie fatherly tone, though still as cold as a windago’s kiss. “Wait, field agent?” Was all Scribe could say before the line went dead. “Well, he doesn’t seem mad about the interruption… but man his voice gives me the chills. I suppose that’s why he is head of collections.” She rubbed her shoulders in an attempt to warm herself up after that call. "He must've looked me up. Of course he would have access to those files." She sat there slightly disappointed that the last thing she wanted happened. Then again, maybe she would just be the one who knocked on doors, right? Yeah, that sounded perfect. Then it dawned on her. “Within the hour?! I am a field agent for the Collections Department, and I get to hunt down that sinister… well, eccentric Doctor Geiger! I can finally bring some fiends to justice.” She bounced around with all the excitement of a school filly, and held nothing in reserve when she sprang out of the station and over to a place she knew. She was going to gather her gear for the best job she could imagine, well, outside the previous job she had. Or was that the worst job? She couldn't really recall, the memory was full of mised emotions. ------------------ Now Back To! ------------------ Geiger had finally limped his way down the tracks enough to spot the city before him. It wasn’t an unwelcome sight, that is, until he recalled that he was supposed to be fleeing the Royal Treasury and their goons at the Collections Department. This was certainly a massive oversight, having entirely forgotten about the grant. He certainly deserved this kind of punishment. Once inside the city, he slunk about, trying to keep out of view. Not many guards were on patrol, but enough were to make a very un-stealthy scientist go out of the way to get around. With the use of his unicorn magic, he was able to view the inside of one guard’s saddlebag, and as expected, there was a photo of him enclosed, along with some writing. Deciding a pegasus wouldn’t notice, he used his magic to bring the photo to him. Geiger then began to read; “Wanted, Doctor Magic Geiger, for theft of funds from the Royal Treasury Department, issued by the Collections Department of the Royal Treasury. The thief is expected to be a minor threat, but caution is still advised, as he was a top scientist in the field of magic detection, and may know some spells that- WAS?! I was a top scientist in my field? I may have resigned from the department, but that doesn’t mean I am no longer a leader in my field!” He fumed as he shouted aloud. Luckily for him, the guard down the street wasn’t in the least bit interested; after all, his shift was almost over. And though Geiger was still angry over how instantly he had been demoted to a WAS of all things, he was able to collect himself enough to slip back into the shadows and continue on. And with the rumble of thunder, and a wet drop landing on his nose, he decided to find some shelter. Unfortunately for him, he hadn’t a bit to his name, and without any money, he wasn’t about to get a motel room. Not tonight. “I can smell the tetanus from here.” Geiger said to himself as he approached a rusty steel crate. It was out of the way, and rather dank looking, laying about other junk in a field surrounded by walls, like a future junkyard. The cold soaked Geiger wasn’t happy about this, but a roof is a roof. And as he lay down in steel crate, he felt his stomach rumble, it's anger clear. Now that he thought of it, he hadn’t eaten for nearly three days. And now, his body had enough, and was staging a massive protest, and possibly, a revolution. Two blocks away, on the roof of an apartment building, was the night vision gaze of Scribe being cast down on the wet Geiger as he curled up into a ball inside a steel crate. “Serves you right, criminal scum!” Scribe said to herself as she lifted her goggles off her head and tucked them back into their bag. She had gathered all her supplies, and set out looking in every nook and cranny that wasn’t filled with activity. Even though Geiger was a thief, he certainly wasn’t a criminal, and as she could tell, he was likely to make every rookie mistake of any two-bit crook ever. And after what he yelled when he so foalishly jumped the train, was a clear hint that he knew next to nothing about what he was doing. “Sleep tight Doctor.” Scribe said to herself as she marked his position. She was starting to get cold from the rain, her black suit wasn’t water-proof, in-fact, the only thing it did was make her look like a super cool spy. She bought it purely for that reason, helping her get into the mindset, the one that let her sneak up on ponies, even if they were backed into a corner and searching for her. It wasn’t the kind of thing a desk jockey was expected to be good at. Then again, she wasn't always a desk jockey. She shook herself off and pulled out her canopy and laid down, she would sleep in short intervals, checking on the doctor, making certain not to lose him. It was after all, her new job. Not entirely different from the last one. ---------------------------------------------- The Next Day! Ahhh! Yelling at you! ---------------------------------------------- With the sun peeking through the gap between buildings, just enough to let the perfect ray beam right into Geiger’s closed eyes. And with the burning fire cast into his eyes as they opened, Geiger could only howl as he shuffled into the corner of the crate, away from the light. “Curses you villan Celestia.” Geiger said as he rubbed his eyes. The second thing to happen, was the riot his body was planning, finally broke out. The pain in his stomach, and the weakness of his limbs, the first victims. He would have to find food soon, least the riot reaches an inferno and they take the capital. He shuffled along the street, sniffing the air as he searched for a source of food. His search halted as he looked at his reflection. What he saw was a filthy looking stallion, which was bruised and tired looking. Like a hobo pony he once saw outside the Canterlot Magical Studies building. He looked at himself and felt shame. Shame at what he had become. Shame at his short sighted actions. He used to be the best in the field of magic detection. Now he was just a bum, fleeing the law. All because he had to make that discovery, and then burn it all up. “Should’ve just turned it in. Right now I could be dead asleep, day after a massive party. NO! No, I won’t second guess my choice right now! I know I made the right choice.” Geiger mumbled to himself as his tired face turned into one of resolve. “Can I help you?” Said the diner mare as she stuck her head out of the diner. She had seen this homeless pony glaring into the window. “Or do I need to call the guard?” She threatened. “N- No. I’m just hungry. I don’t have any money, but I can do something, anything for a meal.” Geiger said, as he pleaded with the diner mare. “I’m sorry, but no work for you here. I can’t help you sir.” She gave him a sympathetic smile, before slipping back into the diner. Geiger just nodded, letting his head drop, fixing his gaze on the ground. It wasn’t long before a shadow came into view, and it seemed fixed on him. He lifted his head up, but instead of a kind stranger, it was the worst possible thing! “Hello Doctor, how are you today.” Said Scribe, having taken off her spy suit, in order to follow him from the ground level. Since leaping building to building would be far too suspicious. “Miss Scribe, here to bring me in?” Geiger asked as he tried his best not to panic. “I told you Doctor, I don’t have the authority to arrest you yet.” Scribe said, letting her sweet warm smile and soft tone convince for her. “Right… Well then what are you here for?” Geiger asked, remembering how the last time he fell for her smile and soft tone, he had been horrified by her next words, and the violence they conveyed. “Why don’t you come inside, have a seat with me.” Scribe said, as she held open the door to the diner. With caution, Geiger stepped inside and followed Scribe to a booth. “What will you folks be having.” The diner mare asked, eyeing Geiger over, and then blatantly staring at Scribe for a minute. “Right. I’ll have the hay omelet, and whatever he wants.” Scribe said as she used her magic to quickly check a menu, and then tossed it to Geiger. “Uh… the same please” Geiger said, not even checking the menu. “Right. Order will be right up, two glasses of orange juice ok?” The diner mare said nonchalantly before she tucked the menu back into her apron and scribbled on a pad. “Yes, thank you.” Scribe said as she flashed her signature smile. With a roll of her eyes, the diner mare put away her pad, and went back towards the kitchen. “What is this about?” Geiger whined as he laid his head on the table. “Listen Doctor, I’ve seen a lot of criminals, and you aren’t one of them. You’re a scientist. You’re used to clean rooms, and schedules. Not fleeing the law. You won’t last out there for long.” Scribe said, letting her serious scowl appear, its effect was immediate, the very atmosphere of the diner turning from happy morning, to stormy night of a funeral. Still stunned by the sudden change in tone. Geiger needed an extra minute to digest what she had said. “I know I’m no street wise stallion. I know I would rather be at the institute right now.” Geiger admitted. Before another word could be said, the diner mare brought out their food and glasses of juice. The diner mare seemed just as shocked as Geiger was with the change in atmosphere of the diner. She fled back to the kitchen to escape the tension as the two ate. With their meals finished, Scribe was the first to speak. “Look, Doctor, I have with me some bits. I recommend you rent a room, wash yourself up, and just turn yourself in. You just turn in your research, well, whatever you have and know on it, and worst you’ll get is a few years under lock and key. It’s not so bad, just house arrest for awhile, maybe a fine. But, you won’t be in any more trouble.” She said, serious, but assuring. “Right, well. I- I can’t do that. I decided to destroy my research, and for a good reason. And I’ll stick by that choice.” Geiger said as the riot his body was throwing ceased. “Fine, have it your way Doctor. Just, keep the bits anyway. I don’t want you taking up pick pocketing or anything. Though the offer still stands, turning yourself in would reduce any sentence you receive.” Scribe said, shifting back to her warm passive aggressive demeanor. “Right… Oh, wait!” Geiger said, suddenly feeling angry again, remembering the photo he got off that guard. “What is this supposed to mean?” He said as he slammed it down in front of her. “Ah, well, your certainly aren’t a serious threat, its just your background makes you a potential risk, with all that magic.” Scribe said, trying her best to keep warm and smiley. Not wanting to voice her thoughts. “Was? WAS!? I resign from the research center, and right away, I’m no longer a scientist?!” Geiger said, trying his best not to shout loud enough to alarm the diner mare. “Oh… that? You resigned, so you are no longer in the field’s active list. So you are a ‘was’ now.” Scribe said, smiling with pure amusement. “I- Well- Bah, fine.” Geiger said. Geiger quietly accepted the bag of bits Scribe floated over to him. He would take her advice, and rent a room to get his self cleaned up, but by no means was he going to turn himself in. He did after all, love having his brain in his skull. “Scientist.” Scribe whispered as she rolled her eyes and paid the bill. The diner mare had carefully collected the bits for the bill, and quietly thanked her customers, and following them out, flipped the open sign to closed, then locked up. “It’s going to be one of those days, no thanks.” The diner mare said as she slunk back to the kitchen. Before Geiger could say another word to Scribe, she was gone. Like a phantom or ninja, she had left without a trace. ------- Later! ------- Geiger let out a laugh as he plopped down on the bed with his mane still wet from the shower. The bed was worn out, and didn’t smell too great, kind of like mold, but the room was real cheap and Geiger intended on not spending any more bits than he had to. “If that Scribe is any indication of the collections department’s staff, I’m as good as doomed.” Geiger said, looking out the window. On the roof, three blocks away, Scribe smiled to herself as she looked down her scope. “You’re doomed alright Doctor, though I mean you no harm. Just be ready, I’m not done with you yet.” She said to herself, as she read his lips. She was certainly over trained for desk work. No, she was well trained for other work, even for the Collections Department, she was a tier above the rest. "Anchors ahoy I guess." Scribe mumbled to herself as she though about the situation. So long as no one noticed her unusual level of skill, this migh be all she would have to do. However, if they did, odds were she would be bumped up to capturing captives and the like. One step closer to her old job. Why Mr. Pewter had to bring up THAT, was clear. It was a mark against her, a damning piece of evidence from her past. And it would be the anchor to her future. ---------------- In Canterlot! ---------------- “I want that research. And I want that scientist. If he doesn’t co-operate you are to bring him in, using any and all means necessary. Miss Scribe has tabs on him at all times, if you lose sight of the target, find her.” Mr. Pewter announced to the line of collectors who had gathered before him. “It will be done sir!” Captain Razor Wire said proudly as he saluted. “Excellent, now go.” Mr. Pewter said with a wave of his hoof. With that the collectors about faced and left his office. The collectors were all ex-guard and private security stallions and mares, who had either transferred or been selected to act on behalf of the Royal Treasury and the Collections Department under the treasury. They were a fearsome group, bent on making debtors pay. And now, they were all on the trail of a very unfortunate scientist who had picked the worst time to quit his job. Unlike normal collectors who wore suits and passive-aggressively annoyed you, these collectors were called in to TAKE what was owed. Usually from the toughest and most dangerous. In this case, they were meant to track down a scientist whose research was rather valuable. They weren't being paid to question things, so they went forth, on the hunt.