//------------------------------// // Sweet Dreams Are Made of This // Story: Cause, Effect, and Consequences // by Coltsguy //------------------------------// Water, water everywhere and oh do I wish it was Pepsi. Yeah, that sounded absolutely stupid. Still, I was not too sure how I ended up on a plain, bare bones, wooden raft in the middle of an ocean. It just didn’t connect to what was going on at all. I think I remember getting home last night. What happened after that though? I just don’t know. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if Discord was pranking me hard right now. “Tis a very bleak dream thou art having this night Seth,” a voice exclaimed from above me. I looked up to see Luna flapping her wings to hover above me. Wait. Did she just? “This is a dream? This seems really odd for one of my dreams.” Luna quickly came down and landed on the raft with me. To my surprise, the raft didn’t even shift with her sudden addition to it’s weight. A testament to the ‘this is a dream’ part of my brain. “Indeed, this is a dream. I have dominion over this realm and therefore know it quite well.” “You know, if that’s true, then this is now a lucid dream for me. Lucid dreams are malleable. Let’s change things up a bit.” A wave of my hand and the night fell as the sun became the moon. Not the moon from Equestria, but the one from Earth. Trust me when I say that there is a strong difference between the two visually. Additionally, the water turned into a grassy plain as far as the eye could see. Where the raft once was, a large blanket took its place as a picnic basket sprouted in the middle. For the record, I thought about turning Luna into a human too, but I don’t think she would’ve appreciated it too much. “Your ability to manipulate your dreamscape is impressive. Most ponies are unable to do so.” “Humans can do that with lucid dreams. Well, that’s what I’m told. I’ve never had one until now.” I proceeded to sit down on the blanket across from Luna. She quickly followed suit, though for her it looked more like laying down. “So Luna, I wasn’t actually having a nightmare. Does that mean you were just here to check up on me?” “Quite so. I believe I mentioned this to you on the previous occasion.” “You may have, but I don’t really have the greatest of memories. Back when I had magic, I had a great memory thanks to it’s magical assistance. Luckily, I haven’t had too difficult of a time with it while I’ve been here.” “A fortunate circumstance to be sure,” she said dryly. Silence seemed to take over as the two of us sat there. Neither of us were really good at social interaction. Luna at least had an excuse of being locked away in the moon. All I had was my Asperger’s to hide behind. Sure it was an excuse that I used quite a bit in order to avoid certain things; kind of like I sometimes did with my diabetes. Still, I couldn’t really use that excuse in that situation. Maybe I could use it to restart the conversation. “Sorry. I’m not the best conversationalist. I’m a bit introverted sometimes.” “We believe that quite readily,” she stated without almost any hint of emotion behind it. Silence again. Damn, that was a bust. You know, talking can be hard. Oh wait. Why don’t I try something that works with me? If we’re alike, it might just work for her. “You know, this is the first time I’ve tried putting a night sky together. Is this any different from what yours looks like?” “It actually seems quite similar to ours. The moon looks different, however.” “That’s because it’s the one that orbits the planet where I come from,” I said helpfully. “It looks almost like there is a face on it. Was there a being that was confined to your moon in a similar manner to the way we were?” she asked in an increasingly interested manner. “Not as far as I know. There are many legends about the ‘Man in the Moon’ but-” “The ‘Man in the Moon’?” she interrupted. “A title that is again similar to the tale of my banishment.” “I know. It’s because of the t.v. show aspect again.” I watched as her expression became sullen again. I had forgotten that Celestia said she hadn’t taken it as well. I guess she drew a parallel to that or something. To that, I stood up and walked over to her. Then, without a word, I dropped to my knees and gave her a hug. “This is the second time thou hast hugged us without prompt.” “You looked like you needed one so I just did.” “You may release us now,” she said with some irritation. I did as she asked after one last squeeze. I then kept on my knees in front of her. “I think I told you this already, but there are lots of people who like you where I’m from. Don’t ever think that you aren’t appreciated because that’s just not true.” “Thou did already say this. It is not why I am upset.” Yeah right. Well, that might be true. You’re never really sure what anyone is really thinking. “Would you like to talk about it?” I asked helpfully. “Perhaps another night. This one is sadly over.” I looked around and saw the world turning slowly white. “I see now. Well, you’re always welcome in my dreams. Just be sure to knock first. You never know what’ll show up here.” She smiled and then faded out. I got up to my feet as I waited for the dream to end. Of course, just before that happened I realized something. “Aw man! A lucid dream and I didn’t get to do any cool stuff!” I awoke with a start. Not because of the dream I had, which I could still remember for now. No, this was caused by the fact that the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was the face of Discord. I didn’t really mind his face. It was the fact that he was so close I could feel his breath that made me really uncomfortable. At least his breath smelled nice. Very minty. “Time to get up! Rise and shine!” He emphasized the shine part by giving himself a near blinding light coming off of his body. I took one of the pillows and used it to shield my eyes. “Come now. You should really get up. The sun has already risen and you have quite a day ahead of you.” I really didn’t like the way he said that. In response to his statement, I simply rolled to my side and shut my eyes. “Awww, looks like somebody’s not a morning person,” he said mocking me. “No shit Sherlock,” I responded with some irritation. “Well that’s fine. I suppose that merely gives me the opportunity to wake you up in more… creative ways.” I tossed my pillow at him and pushed the covers down to my waist. I then pulled my weary self up to a sitting position. I didn’t know what he meant by that and I knew I’d rather not find out. “That’s the way! Now get dressed and you can come to breakfast.” As he disappeared in a flash, I willed myself out of the bed. After that didn’t work, I flopped like a fish over to the side of the bed and pitched my feet onto the floor. Then, feeling like a lead weight, I pushed myself up to my feet. I walked over to my dresser, grabbed my glasses, and put them on so I could see if Discord had done anything. Not noticing anything out of place, I then opened the dresser to get my clothes. I stood there for a moment to process what I was seeing. “Discord! Where the hell are my clothes!?!” No answer. I was pretty much just clad in my tighty whities, which I probably shouldn’t have been with Discord a few feet down the hall. I’ll chalk that up to complacency. Still, I don’t do that anywhere other than my room since the dancing incident when I was nine. Though, I will go around the house in shorts, but that’s because I don’t really like wearing shirts. It’s all a moot point in that case anyway since Discord had taken away my clothes. I decided that since he was almost certainly the cause, I didn’t really care if he saw me in just my underwear. I guess it was a good thing Rarity wasn’t done with my clothes yet. That would have really sucked if her brand new clothes were gone already. That probably would make us both pissed. I walked over to the door and took a calming breath. I followed that up by opening the door and strolling all the way to the kitchen. When I spotted him at the table, I was about to start yelling despite the calming breath I had taken. However, the sight of a plate of bacon and eggs stopped my miniature tirade before it even began. “I thought you were going to get dressed,” Discord teased. And just like that, my anger came rampaging back to the forefront of my mind. “That’s because my clothes aren’t where I left them! They’re gone!” “Oh my, how tragic,” he said in his trademark ‘I don’t actually care’ voice. “Dude, I know you like your pranks. They cause all the chaos you love to watch. Still, I don’t think that this will turn out well for anyone involved.” “Oh don’t you worry. Your clothes are just out getting washed. They were starting to smell.” “Wait a sec. There’s a place I can get my clothes cleaned around here?” “Why of course there isn’t! I sent them off to the closest source of running water and let them wash themselves. Ponies washing clothes. Ha! Now that would be quite a sight to behold!” “Yeeeahhhh. I doubt that,” I said seething sarcasm. “Now then, come sit down and eat your breakfast before it gets up. I’ve already had mine.” “Oh really?” I asked as I strolled up to the table. “What did you have?” “Pull my finger,” he stated as he held out his lion’s paw. I shot the draconequus a look of pure incredulousness. “I’m not sure whether or not you’re above the trick that I think you’re trying to pull.” “Come on,” Discord said trying to egg me on. “You know you want to.” Against my most likely better judgement, I reached over the table, getting a wonderful whiff of the bacon, and reluctantly pulled his index finger. To my great joy, no hot air of that kind escaped from his body. To my momentary confusion, there was a clicking sound and his eyes lit up. It clicked for me a moment later. “Did you actually go and eat the damn lamp?” I asked irritatedly. “It was too good of a joke to pass up!” he exclaimed while barely containing his mirth. He then failed and started laughing uncontrollably. I’ll admit that it was a good joke. Of course, describing it and having it actually happen are two different things. I ended up settling on letting out a groan. “Kind of a delayed punchline if you ask me, but yeah. It was a good joke,” I relented. “I’m so glad you liked it. Now, let’s talk about your attire, or lack thereof.” “Yes. Let’s have a chat about that,” I said with some chagrin. “First things first, though. You should eat the breakfast I made before it gets cold.” With bacon in the vicinity, I had no resistance to his request. Bacon and Pepsi were pretty much my two weaknesses in terms of food. I pulled the chair out and promptly sat down. I half expected the food to turn into green eggs and ham or something equally contrived, but since they didn’t I took a fork from the side and started in on the eggs. They were some pretty good eggs. “I’ll admit that seeing you without any clothing is probably a mistake on my part.” I think he just backhand insulted me. “I suppose that I should give you something to wear until your clothes come back.” “I would only need them until I get my new attire from Rarity today,” I explained to him. Hearing that, Discord put his chin in his, well I think it’s an eagle claw. Maybe it’s a talon? Whatever. Either way, he did that and started to look contemplative. A truly strange sight to see for the normally jovial creature. I’m not sure what exactly he was thinking of at the time, but suddenly his eyes turned off with an exclamation of ‘Aha’! He then looked crosseyed like he was looking at his nose. After that, he reached into his mouth, pulled out a lightbulb, and fixated it above his head. Then, he let out another ‘Aha’ and the bulb lit up on cue. “Gross, but clever,” I deadpanned. “Well, it’s come to my attention that you need some new clothes.” I facepalmed hard. “Yes, yes, now that you’re done I see that since I’d rather not look at you while you’re not dressed it’s up to me to deal with the impending catastrophe.” You know, I think he’s just trying to get me riled up with fat and ugly jokes. The jokes on him. I don’t have any problem with my appearance. Well, mentally I don’t. Physically, is a whole different subject. “Since you only need to wear something until you get your new outfits from Rarity, I’ll be generous as well and loan you an outfit until then.” Yeah, that shot out about as many warning flags as you assume it would. “Oh come now. Don’t give me that look. This is as much for my sanity as it is for your sake.” I couldn’t hold off a snort of laughter at the thought that me being dressed would help his sanity. “All right Discord,” I replied with a mirthful voice. “I guess I can at least understand your point of view on the subject. With that in mind, what did you want to give me?” There was a burst of light and I felt something covering my body. I really felt like complaining right there, but it was something I should be grateful about. Of course, that was before I got a look at it. "Do you like it?" he asked gleefully. “That’s it! I’m kicking your ass Discord!”