//------------------------------// // Chapter 20: October 9, A Bird in the Hoof // Story: Yet Another Human In Equestria Story // by Bardic_Knowledge //------------------------------// Yet Another Human in Equestria Story By: Bardic Knowledge Chapter 20: October 9, A Bird in the Hoof I stretched and stifled a yawn as Trixie and I headed for Sugarcube Corner. I had woken a few hours early to make sure I could get to the Princess's party on time. The night before, in my weekly report, I made sure to tell Princess Celestia about Fluttershy's attempt to heal Philomena on her Burning Day. Trixie also knew, but I made sure not to mention it to anyone else. The Royal Guards stood in position at the door of Sugarcube Corner and I nodded to them as we passed. Inside, Princess Celestia and the Mane Six other than Fluttershy were already present, along with a few other citizens of Ponyville that were, essentially, high in society. The food was still being brought out (Pinkie was helping), and Rarity was proudly showing off her dress to anyone who would listen. Applejack sat a, supposedly, respectful distance from the Princess, her hat hanging from the back of her chair, while Dash was happily regaling the Princess with her athletic achievements. “Oh, good, you're here,” said Twilight, who had been pacing by the door. “Now we just need Fluttershy to get here and I can properly introduce everyone to the Princess!” Her mane was in order, so she wasn't gearing up for a breakdown, but she still looked pretty frazzled. “Calm down, Twi,” I said, shaking my head slightly. “She's met us before, you know.” “I-I know, but not in the capacity of you guys as my friends. I just hope she approves.” By this time, Trixie had left us, moving along to the head table and pouring herself a cup of tea. “I'm sure she does-slash-will. The interesting question is: does your family approve of us?” “Oh, uh...” “Been forgetting to write them?” “Kinda, yeah. I've been so caught up in my friends... I should write them after our luncheon is done.” “You do that. In the meantime, I'm gonna talk with Princess Celestia.” I stepped away from the door and approached the head table, sitting to the Princess's left. There weren't any chairs, so I would be sitting on the floor, the table at neck height. Nevermind, I'll stand. “How has Ponyville been treating you, Joe?” asked the Princess. “It's been a calming week. I think the next book I transcribe will have more comedy to it, though.” I rubbed my arm, feeling the scars under my coat. I had yet to order new weapons. The Princess put a hoof on my hand. “I understand. I've had to do something similar in the past, and it never gets any easier.” “If it does, then we should worry.” Princess Celestia looked mildly surprised, but nodded. “You've heard this lesson before?” “It comes up a lot in various Naruto fanfics. Er-” “No need to go into detail, you can write about it later.” “Alright.” By now the food was all on the table, Fluttershy was at the door, and Rarity was worrying about food stains. I browsed the table with a wary eye, looking for something I wouldn't mind eating. It was tough to find something I liked at a Pony gathering, considering my favourite foods tended to have meat in them. I did eat a salad on occasion, but I didn't care for the tastelessness. Once I found something, I just picked it up and started eating it. I knew that while Rarity would demand proper etiquette be observed, Princess Celestia was a bit more laid back and willing to let things slide. At the very least, this let Applejack not worry about eating things in the right order in this version of things, and she dug in herself. “You gonna eat that?” cried Pinkie, leaping onto the table in front of Celestia before nomming a cupcake off the plate in front of her. Then she was quickly yanked away by Mrs. Cake. “A thousand pardons, your highness,” Mr. Cake said, genuflecting. “It's quite alright,” replied Celestia, smiling at Pinkie's antics, “thank you.” She sipped her tea. Well, I say sipped, but the tea cup was emptied in that sip. Something Mrs. Cake noticed immediately. After a series of instant refills, Princess Celestia smirked to herself and pretended to take a sip, making the cup overflow. “And thus began the legend of Trollestia,” I said, semi-ominously. “'Trollestia?'” asked the Princess. “Ah, back on Earth, people who play pranks in, usually, mean-spirited ways are known as Trolls. Some do it just to annoy people, some do it because the people they're pranking can laugh with them. But that little scene there, combined with the 'two tickets for six ponies' thing way back when, created the fanon theory that you were a massive troll who played pranks on the entirety of Equestria.” “I do have fun with pranks, but Luna had the Element of Laughter and was more inclined to play them. Oh, the times we had at the old castle...” She shifted slightly, and I had a feeling she was looking in the direction of said old castle, reminiscing about days gone by. After a moment she shook herself out of it, noticing that Fluttershy had sat down beside her. I was then treated to Fluttershy's introduction to Philomena, who looked a right mess. As I was about to make a comment about what I was going to be writing next (as seeing Philomina made me think of Harry Potter's Fawkes), a guard approached and whispered in the Princess's ear. “I'm sorry, everypony,” Celestia announced, standing. “I'm afraid I have to cut the party short. The mayor has requested an audience with me. Royal duty calls. Thank you for a wonderful time. It's been a joy getting to know you all better.” Just before she left, she looked me in the eyes before flicking them in the direction of the door. I'm guessing that means she wants me to follow her. Just after we exited, she looked around and guided me to a slightly more secluded area, setting the guards to watch before she turned to me. “What is it, Your Highness?” “I just received word that there was a break-in at the castle. Do you-” “What?” I hissed. “A break-in? How? Who?” She blinked and rocked back slightly. “You have no knowledge of this event?” “The only thing I know of that was supposed to happen today was Fluttershy attempting to heal a Phoenix on its Burning Day,” I rubbed my beard in thought. “I have read enough that I may be able to figure something out, though. What do we know?” “Curiously, the only evidence of the break-in was the doors to the throne room and the archives had been unlocked and left open, and there were several newspapers missing from said archives.” “That's an odd thing to take... It's like whomever it was had been out of touch and needed to look something up. But that doesn't explain the throne room being open.” Princess Celestia looked pensive, staring vaguely off into the empty space to my left. Her mouth moved, but the only thing I could make out was something like “-ouldn't ee.” Most likely “couldn't be.” “You know something?” “I have a suspicion, but nothing concrete. A... Former apprentice of mine. I must consult with the guards upon my return and see if they can confirm it.” “Will you let me know if you discover anything?” “Of course. Now, I should probably actually meet with Mayor Mare. Would you like to accompany me? Perhaps you can tell me more about how your world sees ours. Or at least how they see me.” “Well, let's see, there's a few different 'versions' of you, so to speak, there's Trollestia, like I mentioned, Tyrantlestia, which made all your punishments for any transgression petrification or moon-banishment, and the rare Cutelestia pics...” I trailed off, thinking, before I muttered, “Is that really all of them?” Not going to talk about Molestia. I shrugged to myself. “Well, those are the main ones I know about other than your canon-self, though there could be others I just don't know about. Oh! Pinklestia!” “Pinklestia?” she asked. “In an attempt to appeal to stereotypes, the first Princess Celestia toy Hasbro released was pink instead of white. Even the little girls they were attempting to sell it to thought that was a stupid idea. They were eventually going to release a properly coloured version eventually, but I never saw it. Might've just been Ionia's Wal-Mart or Meijer never got it.” “And that's how I'm seen?” “Not just you, Luna's got similar depictions in certain places, with different names of course, but my favourite version of her is called 'Gamer Luna.' Because of a future event, and the art of a fellow named John Joseco.” As we walked she asked for more pertinent details of the various depictions, which had me summarizing the “To the MOON” video (from what I could tell, the guards were scandalized. Celestia laughed, especially since I left out the ending involving Luna) as well as a couple other Herd in-jokes. By the time we reached the Mayor's office, she was almost constantly giggling. I didn't think “King Sombrero” was that funny. Regardless, we parted ways at Town Hall, and she promised to get in contact with me if she had any additional evidence of the break-in, just in case I could come to a different conclusion than her. I went to the library to pay Twi for a casting of the memory spell so I could start transcribing the Harry Potter series (and as much as I'd like to, I wasn't going to tweak Half-Blood Prince) to find that she wasn't there. Which meant that she was either still at the function that was wrapping up, or she was on her way to Fluttershy's, where she'd discover the ill Philomena. I wondered briefly if she'd ask me for assistance in finding the phoenix. Either way, I helped Spike out with a couple chores and asked if he'd come to the first session for my Active Exploits campaign next weekend. So far, my only players were Pinkie, Trixie, and Dashie. Er, Dash. And I wanted four players. As it was it was going to be an interesting party, as Pinkie wanted to play a Hobbit, Trixie's character was going to be human, and Dash was basically going to be playing herself. Spike agreed and we chatted for the next half-hour about what kind of character he wanted to play, and, well, that was about it until Twilight burst in, scoured the room, then dashed back out. “What was that all about?” asked Spike. “She's looking for Philomena,” I replied. “Princess Celestia's pet phoenix. She's on her burning day, so she looks really sickly. Fluttershy being who she is, took Philomena home and tried to nurse her back to health, and now Philomena's escaped.” “And because Twilight's such an alarmist, she's panicking about the missing pet.” “Exactly. Whelp, I'm-a gonna go meet them by the fountain in town square, you coming with?” “Nah, I'm going to take advantage of your help and take a nap. Or work on my character some.” “Whatever boats your float.” I waved as I headed out the door. I reached the fountain before Twilight did, though everypony else was there already, and Pinkie started talking my ear off about how much fun she had at the Princess's “party.” Not even a minute later, I saw a small, pinkish shape zip by, followed by Fluttershy and Twilight mare-handling the others as they looked for Philomena. Sorry about the pun. And you know how that song and dance goes: Philomena bursts into flames, Twilight and Fluttershy try to take each others' blame, etcetera and so forth. Just as I started to wonder when even the episodes were starting to become – I think “trite” is the right word – I could feel the scars on my arms begin to itch. All I could think of was to hope the itching wasn't a warning of something dire up ahead.