//------------------------------// // TwilightUCrazy // Story: At The Drop of A Hat // by Tchernobog //------------------------------// If Applejack had anticipated that she would have woken up that morning and gone on a crazy chase across all Equestria just to retrieve her hat, she would have weighed her options, then rolled over and gone back to sleep. Unfortunately, life had not given her precognition as her special talent. The ability to procrastinate didn't come up in her repertoire either. Applejack got up from her bed, ran a brush through her mane, grabbed her Stetson and trotted outside to inspect the orchards after breakfast. Typically, the most exciting thing to happen to her during her march up and down the rows of sweet-smelling apple trees involved seeing some of Fluttershy's darn critter friends sneaking off with some of her crop. And Fluttershy always viciously protested traps she laid down, calling them unnecessary cruelties. Nopony ever argued with Fluttershy and won. Instead, she resorted to leaving Winona out to patrol the farm. Ever since, it had seemingly put a stop to all crop theft. As such, she hadn't been expecting anything exciting, except for perhaps knocking a sleeping Rainbow Dash out of one of her trees. She could always spot such occupied trees with all the apple cores that littered the ground around the trunk. No, her excitement came in the form of a fierce gust of wind that swooped in and scooped her hat off her noggin like a kite. Applejack raised her hoof to try and catch it, but was an instant too late. “Consarn it,” she grunted, taking off in a run after the wayward Stetson. She dove for it, but another fierce gust sent it spiraling off several yards further. She landed on her stomach, knocking the wind out of her like she'd been kicked in the gut. She pushed herself up again, growling at the runaway hat. She bolted by a tree whose grounds were littered by apple cores, and snatched at the brim, successfully pinning it to the ground. “HA!” she smirked. “Surprise cowgirl!” came a cracked voice from overhead. Applejack's ears twitched and she looked up just barely in time to see a blue rainbow-maned pegasus plowing into her from one of the tree's upper branches. The air was forced out of her lungs again as Rainbow Dash hit her with more force than one of Mac's runaway wagons. Her hat rolled down an incline from the impact, bouncing down the slope along its brim. “Dangit, Rainbow!” she growled up to her colorful friend, and shook the cackling pony off her back before continuing her pursuit. She charged down the incline, spotting her hat in the midst of a thick circle of trees, and she ground to a halt in horror. One of Fluttershy's rabbit friends was sniffing at the Stetson, probably smelling the apple scent all over it. It looked up from its curious browsing and over to the hat's owner standing not five yards away. It blinked several times at her and twitched its nose. Applejack set her jaw firmly, and a fire awoke in her eyes. “Don't. You. Dare,” she hissed like a rattlesnake through clenched teeth. She edged closer. The rabbit's ears flicked. She planted a hoof softly. Five feet from her hat. “'At's right... nothin' to be a-scared of... just want mah hat back...” The rabbit twitched its whiskers and sniffed. “Easy does it...” Five inches. Applejack glimpsed at her hat, taking her eyes off the rabbit's for just a moment. She instantly regretted it. With her gaze off the rabbit's eyes, the undersized demonspawn knew exactly what she sought to reclaim. The rabbit, released from its mesmerizing spell, snatched the Stetson up in its mouth and bolted from the scene like its tail had caught fire. Applejack's rage ignited instantaneously. “GIT BACK HERE YA WORTHLESS FLEABAG!” she bellowed, her roar echoing across the orchard as she thundered after her victim. “AH'M GONNA MAKE A PAIR OF SLIPPERS OUTTA YOU!” Attracted by the noise, Rainbow Dash flew up from behind and landed in a sprint alongside her. “Oh! AJ! Is this a race?!” Her voice broke excitedly. Applejack didn't spare her a glance. Her eyes honed in with lethal intent on the retreating white pair of fuzzy slippers she planned to make out of the undersized terrorist. “Oh! Let me play!” Rainbow exclaimed. “Firsttothelibrary! Threetwoone-” She never got to finish her challenge to the farmpony before she rag-dolled face-down into the grass like a sack of dirt. Applejack extracted her leg from between Rainbow's two front limbs, and didn't bother looking back. In any other circumstance she would have laughed until it hurt to breathe. Her emotions had become so consumed by a molten hatred of the fleeing rabbit however, that her sense of humor had been turned off to further fuel the speed of her hooves. She leaped the border fence surrounding her farm, and continued after the miniature menace. The rabbit bolted out into the green meadows on the outskirts of town and towards a hill up ahead. The weight of the Stetson slowed it down and, at what felt like a snail's pace, Applejack found herself closing on her target. Just a few more seconds and she'd have it. “Ah got ya now ya little-” The white rabbit suddenly vanished before her eyes. Applejack found her hoof caught in its hole, and fell to her face. Her head screamed with pain as her muzzle reverberated with the burning sensation of a liquid agony. Looking up through the blur of tears and her swirling vision, she saw her opponent clutching her hat, peering out the other side of its burrow. Then it ran again. With a furious growl that could shake the scales off a rockodile, she stamped to her hooves again and took off, a cloud of dust in her wake. The rabbit peaked another hill before freezing in its tracks as a large shadow loomed overhead. The long-eared rodent looked to the sky, prompting Applejack to do the same. She swore she could hear her quarry scream as the eagle bolted from the blue, its talons outstretched. The bird of prey swooped. Grass flew. The wind gusted. Instead of the eagle returning to its nest with its juicy, meaty prize, it clutched her Stetson in its grasp, and soared on the thermals back to altitude. “GIT BACK HERE YA STUPID BIRD SO AH CAN STEP ON YOU!” Applejack shrieked, changing her target. The eagle soared off towards the center of Ponyville. She had to double-time her pace to make her way through the crowds and around buildings just to keep track of it. Perhaps ditching Rainbow Dash hadn't been the best idea. Her mind raced as she looked around for anything she could use. A pair of rocks caught her eye sitting at the edge of the road. She scooped them up with a hoof and tossed each into the air just above her head. Swiveling in place, Applejack raised her hindlegs and kicked with all her might. One rock missed its target. The other nailed her target right in its tail plumage. The eagle shrieked in surprise and loosed its grip on the Stetson. Applejack sneered in triumph and charged after her hat, following it as it blew left and right on the formidable wind. She chased it towards the railroad tracks, before the breeze scooped it up and twisted yet again. Her hat then nosedived. It shed height quickly and fluttered over a dense crowd of travelers at the train station. She dove into the thick throng of ponies. She pushed past several well-dressed stallions, magnificently-groomed mares, and stepped over foals aplenty. She managed to catch sight of her hat on top of a luggage rack nearby. Little... bit... closer... she grunted, and shoved a hoof out of the crowd, reaching as far as her leg would stretch. With a wicked twist of fate, however – Applejack swore she could hear evil laughter in her ear – a baggage handler pushed the cart onto the train. “Aw horseapples!” she scolded. With a mighty grunt of effort, she pushed her way out of the crowd, and landed in a heap at the entrance to the train, her muzzle laying at the feet of a rather large-looking conductor. “Ticket please,” he growled. It took Applejack a moment to gather her thoughts enough to form a response. “O-oh, no sir. S-see Ah'm not on this train-” “Then why you wastin' my time?” From the sound of his accent, the large stallion had his roots in the Broncs. “Uh, see sir, mah hat's on that luggage rack in there'n Ah was just wonderin' if Ah could-” “No ticket, no entry,” he snorted. “ALL ABOARD!” a conductor towards the end of the train shouted. Hayseed! “Sir, please! Ah'm beggin'-” Before Applejack could finish her statement, however, the train's door slammed shut in her face and locked tightly. Applejack sagged to her rump in disbelief, and watched helplessly as the train pulled away from the station...