//------------------------------// // Chapter 8 // Story: Palace Perils // by Rated Ponystar //------------------------------// Palace Perils By The Rated Ponystar Formerly Edited by Fernin, tayman2037, and Clavier Edited by: Adjudicator and Unnamed Pawn This chapter is dedicated to anybody who has suffered injury or loss from ice cream related incidents. Especially to those who were victims of the Ice Cream Factory Destruction of May 10, 2002 from the terrorist organization known as K.N.D. who sabotaged the factory’s heating system that lead to the injuries and deaths of many suburban citizens. ... Who does put a heater in an ice cream factory? *** “Say it,” ordered a smirking Colgate. Cheerilee mumbled to herself as the two of them continued to follow their guide further into the strange lab. The vats of ice cream, each helpfully advertising various flavors, was being mixed with the strange blue liquid and later processed into cartons and labeled such. Cheerilee was more worried about the armed guards who looked to be as tough as the royal army than she was the dessert. One wrong move and Ponyville would have to search for a new teacher. “Just say it,” taunted Colgate, making Cheerilee grit her teeth. “You know you want too.” “Fine,” muttered Cheerilee. “You were right...” “Ha! And you said I was crazy!” shouted Colgate before Cheerilee covered her mouth. A few of the nearby workers stared at them for a few seconds before going back to work. “Do you want to get us killed?” whispered Cheerilee. “Look, I admit it. Something fishy and most likely illegal is going on here, but for now play it cool, or else we’re the ones that will be iced!” Cheerilee removed her hoof while Colgate nodded. “I see; we pretend we’re part of their evil plan to destroy the world’s oral hygiene, and then, when they’re not looking, take them out from behind! Brilliant!” “Sure, whatever,” said Cheerilee, rolling her eyes. They stopped as their guide told them to wait and watched him march up the stairs to the evil cow scientist, who was busy sitting in a chair, stroking his beard. Bowing before his leader, he said, “Doctor Fuu Moochu, the final preparations are almost complete. We’re about ready to send out the mind controlling ice cream.” “Excellent, Number Two!” shouted Fuu Moochu, rising from his seat. All the workers quickly stopped working and focused on their leader. “Everypony, your work is appreciated. Once I have taken over the world, I shall gladly reward you all by not liquefying your families and offering a discount coupon towards any ice cream you may buy in the future from our company.” “Uh, sir,” asked one guard, raising his hoof. “Wouldn’t that put us mind control since all the ice cream you have is now going to erase all free will?” “Yes, but it’s fifty percent off! That’s a good deal I say!” shouted Fuu Moochu, laughing. “Um, sir, but what if one of us was lactose intolerant?” asked one of the science workers. The room suddenly went silent as Moochu’s eyes widen in shock before they narrowed in utter rage. The scientist gulped, nervously making his way backwards before two guards caught him and forced him to stay still. “What... did you say... you were?” asked Fuu Moochu. “I...I’m allergic... sir, to...to milk...” said the shaky scientist through chattering teeth. “I see... well then, I have another gift for dairy haters such as yourself...” He pointed his hoof at the poor soul and ordered, “Take him to Detrot.” Everypony gasped as the scientist was dragged away by his rear legs, screaming and hollering. “No! Sir, no! Anything but Detrot! Please! Kill me! Torture me! Make me watch Transponies: Revenge of the Fallen, but not Detrot! Noooooo!” Cheerilee and Colgate watched the screaming scientist until he was out the door to his awaited trip of doom. Colgate shook her head. “That is one, sick, evil cow.” “Yeah,” muttered Cheerilee. Fuu Moochu cleared his voice and gave out an evil laugh. “Now that that’s over with, let us finally begin! For a long time I have tried to conquer the world, but now at last my dream is at hoof! Soon the world shall bow before me and-” “Incoming call from Animal Experiment Labs,” announced a computer-synthesized voice Moochu groaned and turned to his giant computer screen showing a video feed from inside what looked to be a lab with mutated animals in giant test tanks. A guard saluted on the video screen before saying, “Sir, I hope I didn’t interrupt you.” “Oh no, captain, I was just about to give my big, dramatic, evil speech. Not like it was anything important,” muttered Fuu Moochu who muttered something about a gas chamber before turning his attention back to the screen. “What is it?” “Sir, I think we may have an intruder. Everypony in this section of the labs has been knocked out. What’s worse, experiment Three Four Two has escaped, but we’re doing our best to contain it.,” said the guard, just as a slimy tentacle holding a screaming unicorn guard by the waist was seen, smashing him against the wall. “Help! I can feel it’s acidic slime digging into my flesh! It burns!” screamed the poor soul before he was dragged off screen screaming. The guard appeared nonplussed at the situation devolving around him.  “Sir, we think it might be... him...” Whispers of fear began to spread amongst the gathered henchponies as Fuu Moochu flared his nostrils and cursed. Colgate and Cheerilee looked at each other in confusion. Who was him? Fuu Moochu looked at his guard and belted orders. “Double all patrols! Make sure to check every ventilation shaft we have! Keep all red barrels in locked containments, and for Faust’s sake, if somepony sees a cardboard box lying around in the middle of nowhere, don’t ignore it! I still haven’t forgotten when he used that to slip into the control center and stop the missiles in Saddle Arabia...” “Will do sir, but what about the loose experiment?” asked the guard. “Dear Faust, it’s trying to shove my skull through my mouth! How is this possible?! Augh!” Fuu Moochu waved his hoof in the air nonchalantly. “Eh, just eliminate it; if it escapes, I’m sure it will crawl into the sewers with its tentacles and become the next Canterlot myth or whatnot. Over and out.” Number Two cleared his throat and said, “Sir? Perhaps we should alert the other lab in section Forty-Nine? Just in case he “Good idea, Number Two. Computer, get me in contact with the Biolabs Division,” commanded Moochu. The screen soon showed a griffin with a lab coat and goggles who saw his boss and bowed. “Doctor Clavier? I’m letting you know that one of our labs got hit with an intruder. We think you should be on the lookout for him as well. Especially considering you're carrying all the dangerous chemicals and such.” “Don’t worry, sir,” saluted the griffin. “Despite the danger, my team and I have never had a single problem in our labs! We’re always alert, both with and without our work. Nothing can possibly-” he turned around and gasped. “Wait! Stop! Noooo! You have the mixture all wrong!” A loud explosion followed by panicking screams made everypony in the main control center wince as static filled the screen. An “experiencing technical difficulties” message soon flashed on it and everypony was silent. Number Two stepped forward. “Um, shall I start preparations for the letters to their families?” “Yes, and while you're at it, let’s also send them cheese and wine,” muttered Moochu as he nervously turned toward the crowd of silent workers. “Yes... well, um... where was I? Oh right,” he cleared his throat. “Now I shall rule the world and nothing can stop me! Muaahahaha! Now the time is right too-” “Incoming new transmission.” said the synthesized voice from the monitor. Moochu facehoofeded and groaned to himself as his face reddened and yelled at the computer. “Who dares to interrupt me when I’m about to do my evil speech? Whoever it is, I will drown you in liquid nitrogen!” “Fu Moochu! Don’t ever use that tone of voice with me, young calf!” said an elderly voice. The evil cow eyes widened considerably as an old cow with grey hair and big glasses appeared on the screen, glaring. “You were supposed to call me yesterday! What kind of son forgets to give his dear old mother a call to see if she was okay! I could have had a heart attack, and you wouldn’t know until it was too late.” “Moooommm!” whined Fu Moochu, gritting his teeth. “How many times have I told you to not call me when I’m doing my evil projects!” “And how many times have I told you to get a real job!” argued Mommy Fuu as she continued to ramble on. “All the other girls at my bridge club tell me how proud they are that their sons are lawyers, athletes, and teachers, but what do I have to tell them? My son is a criminal who’s trying to take over the world and is wanted in nearly every country! Where did I go wrong with you? At least my other son didn’t grow up to be evil.” “My brother works for the IRS! How much more evil can you get than working for those soulless demons?” pointed out Fuu Moochu. “It’s a well respected job. And another thing!” shouted Granny Fuu, pointing her hoof. “为什么不是您讲话在您的人民讲话!是您羞愧？!”   “它是一个自由的国家!我可以做什么我想要!” cried out Fu Moochu, crossing his hooves over his chest.   “噢和这是从某人设法做他自己的专政。那总是您的问题，您是伪君子。” huffed Granny Fuu.   “跳跃在坟墓，巫婆!” “您是耻辱!” “Cover me, I’ve got a plan!” whispered Colgate, quickly disappearing into the crowd. “Wait, Colgate!” shouted Cheerilee, but before she could do anything, Fuu Moochu’s continued argument with his mother drowned out her cries. *** Although they had been tasked to find the heater and activate it, both Bon-Bon and Berry had ended up lost in a matter of minutes. The two of them tried finding another map to guide them towards their destination, but any they found were near a few other workers or guards. Since they didn’t feel like testing their luck a third time, the two mares decided to avoid as much confrontation as possible. “Hey, Bon-Bon?” asked Berry as they were walking through the fourth floor. “Don’t you think this place looks a bit weird for an ice cream factory?” “How so?” asked Bon-Bon. The two stopped as Berry pointed back the way they came. “Well, what kind of ice cream factory has armed guards? Not to mention some of those rooms we passed were a bit... disturbing.” “You mean that one where the cows were getting whipped for whipped cream?” asked Bon-Bon, tilting her head. “Well, that and the ones that said ‘Torture Room’, ‘Armory’, ‘Attack Dog Kennels’, and ‘Brain Draining Machine’. Unless we’re back in school, I doubt that last one is needed,” pointed out Berry. Bon-Bon rolled her eyes. “You're overthinking things. Berry. I think all our time dealing with Colgate’s insanity has messed around with your head.” She continued to move around the corner. “Sure, this place is a bit weird, but it’s not like it’s some kind of evil base.” Bon-Bon turned her head back forward only to find herself slamming into a heavy muscled earth pony in armor. He and his two buddies leveled spears at the two stunned mares. “Who are you?! What’s your clearance level?” “Uh...” said Bon-Bon slowly getting up. She glanced at Berry, who looked just as confused and scared, before she turned back towards the guards. Smiling sheepishly, she said, “Well, it looks like we made a wrong turn. We’ll just be heading back to our work stations and--” “And what work station would that be?” asked the guard, growling. “Uhhh...” The stallion grinned and turned to his fellow guards. “Hey, boys? I think we got ourselves a few spies. Why don’t we take them to the torture room and show them what we do with spies?” The two friends gulped as the guards inched closer, ready to apprehend them, when suddenly a small black marble like objects slipped between the entrance holes of a vent. When it landed, it bounced on the floor, getting everypony’s attention before it unleashed a thick smokescreen. Everypony coughed and tried to see through the obscuring fumes as a small figured kicked the ventilation panel open and dropped down. Berry Punch and Bon-Bon could only just make out a small figure suddenly leap across the room and bring down the guards with cries of pain. The two tried to get a better look, but the smoke was too thick. When it finally cleared up, the two were shocked to see all three guards laying unconscious on the ground. But what shocked them even more was the fact of who, or what, it was that had been standing over them. They rubbed their eyes to make sure they weren’t dreaming of an alligator in a tux, smiling up at them with a calm expression. Two times they did this, Bon-Bon even slapping her own face to make sure that this was real. “You know, ladies, if you wish to take a picture in thanks for saving your life, all you need to do is ask,” said Gummy with a suave growl. *** Lyra had to admit, she loved it when a plan came together really well. With the chaos still steaming from the biggest food fight in Equestria, and Princess Luna still in the bathroom after eating one of her own poisoned cakes, she was able to gather all the remaining ones onto a large platform cart. Wiping the sweat from her brow, she looked at all ninety-nine remaining cakes and smiled before leaning a bit to the right to avoid a double chocolate fudge ice cream cone. “Alright, now to get these things out of here.” Meanwhile, Philomena was coming out of the bathroom, still a bit green and holding onto her stomach while the guards tried to comfort her. If there was one thing she was grateful for while in this body, it was the power of an alicorn’s immune systems. “Princess Luna, are you alright? Should we get a doctor?” Philomena was about to answer until she saw Lyra dashing away with the cakes and gasped. “Stop that unicorn and get those cakes back! Now!” ordered Philomena, pointing at the fleeing thief. The guards only looked at each other with hesitation for a brief moment before chasing after Lyra. Lyra, in turn, saw that she had been spotted and rushed even faster, ignoring the food that managed to hit her in the face. The chase soon lead though the front doors and outside where Lyra came to a halt, trying to find an easy way to escape. This was enough for the three guards to tackle Lyra, but the impact caused her to lose control of the cart, their momentum giving it a final shove that slid it out into the street, slowly accelerating downhill. “The cakes!” cried Lyra and the three guards as they got up and started chasing after it. The cart continued to descend down into the streets, wildly careening left and right as Canterlot nobles dived out of the way and screamed. A couple of times the cart hit some bumps and some of the cakes fell onto the pavement or splattered the fashionable manes of screaming mares. Lyra and the three guards continued to chase after it, but Lyra was still no match for the athletically trained guards. Knowing she needed an advantage, she tried to think of a list of spells that could help her and only one came to mind. It maybe a bit untested, but hands, don’t fail me now! cried out Lyra as she concentrated her magic on her horn. A yellow wisp of energy shot out and came into the form of a hand that shot out. The guards were stunned by the strange magical limb that came right over their shoulders and grabbed the handle of the cart. Lyra pulled herself forward and continued to hang onto the handle, blowing the fuming guards a raspberry as she shot past. Just as she was about to bask in her glory, the guards all jumped towards her, grabbing Lyra by the hooves and the others grabbing their partner’s, forming a chain that was hanging in midair. The ponies all yelled as the cart turned to the next street. “Under the orders of Princess Luna, we demand that you halt!” cried the guard closest to Lyra. “You will cease and desist before we,” he then gasped as he saw where the cart was heading towards, “head straight for the farmer’s market!” The four screamed as they crashed through a tomato stall, but didn’t stop there as tons of other fresh produce stalls were smashed along the way. Farmers screamed in despair as their hard work was ruined. Children accompanying their parents for this boring festival cried out for joy in hopes of going home and playing their video games. Pigeons and hobos fought to the death for just a scrap of the free food that had appeared all over the streets for the taking. “My tomatoes! Now how will I feed my family?!” “Somepony call the guards!” “Give me that broccoli, you rat with wings!” “My cabbages!” With tons of smashed peas, corn, and other vegetables coating the group, the head guard soon lost his grip on Lyra, and all three went flying into a nearby manure bag stall. Landing in the smelling pile of bags, one of the guard groaned before looking at the one who let go. “Well I guess I can safely say that your grip is a load of cr-” “No! We are not using that joke!” shouted the other guard. “Too obvious.” Meanwhile, Lyra was sighing in relief that everything had turned out alright. But just as she thought she was in the clear, the cake-laden vehicle finally stopped with an abrupt collision with a wall, hurtling Lyra over the cart to stick horn-first into a tree. With a grunt, her rear hooves rose up to push hard against the solid tree, only for her to pop out like a cork and flop backwards onto the hard ground, promptly passing out. Two ponies, hearing the commotion, stepped out the front door and looked around. “Do you see anypony Nurse Scope?” asked a pink unicorn in a nurse outfit. “No, Nurse Tenderheart, but look at this,” a white unicorn said, pointing to the mysterious cart of cakes that had appeared. “Somepony was nice enough to leave all these cakes here. I think our patients will enjoy these cakes, especially the ones in the children’s ward.” “Oh, I agree. I have a feeling everypony will enjoy them,” said Nurse Scope as they began to bring in the cakes one by one into Canterlot General Hospital. *** Philomena, who had finally managed to drag herself out of the ongoing war inside, managed to reach the exits and looked around for the cart of her poisoned cakes, but they were nowhere to be found. Growling, she pounded on the ground over and over again. “I swear, if I see that unicorn again I’ll take her horn and stab her right where the sun don’t shine! I bet Luna was behind all this. Well, she may think I’m done, but I’ll show her who's boss! I’ll make her regret even coming back from that moon of hers and interfering with my life, or else my name isn’t Philo-” A large explosion, followed by terrified screams erupted from behind Philomena, knocking her off her hooves and onto the pavement. Shaking her head, she looked behind her and gasped at what she saw. “Is that a...” *** 10 minutes Earlier *** “So let me get this straight,” said Bon-Bon, as she and Berry Punch continued following, of all things, Pinkie’s pet alligator through the dangerous halls. A large line of knocked out guards peppered the hall behind him, broken limbs twitching. “You’re part of a secret organization of pets who are actually agents protecting the world from villains. And this entire ice cream factory is a cover up for an evil scientist known as Fuu Moochu, who happens to be your arch-nemesis?” “Pretty much sums it up,” said Agent G as he shot two drug darts from his wristband, causing a final pair of guards to crash face first into the ground mid-charge. “Just when I thought Equestria couldn’t get any weirder,” muttered Bon Bon. “And you ask why I drink so much,” said Berry Punch, following the tiny alligator spy. The three of them continued on until they were at the corner and pressed flat against the wall, three heads popping around the corner to peek ahead. On the far end of the hall, leading to the heater control system, were two more unicorn guards standing in front of the door. Gummy rubbed his chin. “We need a distraction. Can you ladies help me deal with this?” Bon Bon and Berry looked at each other before shrugging. Turning back to the secret agent, Berry then asked, “Sure, but how are we gonna do that? Bon Bon here can’t seduce anypony even if they were blind—” “Hey!” “.. and unless you’ve got a bottle of wine, I’m useless.” Gummy pointed to the long list of knocked out guards behind them. “Well, we have a few options; I suppose we can use the uniforms over there to help. But how do we go about this?” “Hey, I got an idea!” said Bon Bon. *** “Did you hear something?” asked Guard A to his partner, who was lazily leaning on the wall. “Only the sound of the clock ticking,” muttered Guard B, who moaned. “Can I ask you something? Why are we here?” “Hmmm,” said Guard A, rubbing his chin. “It’s one of life’s great mysteries isn’t it? Why are we here? I mean, are we the product of some cosmic coincidence, or is there really a God watching everything? You know, with a plan for us and stuff. Are we just the pawns in the grand scheme of a great game of fate where our lives are decided by us, or are we free to change the world as we see fit? Why is our purpose here on this planet? Some grand and noble concept that will allow us to ascend into a higher plane, or merely to develop whatever we can with the knowledge we have? I don’t know, dude, but it keeps me up at night.” ... ... ... “... what? Dude, I was talking about why are we guarding the heating room? I thought we were getting the Biolabs this week?” asked Guard B, shaking his head Guard A’s eyes widen and he blushed. “Oh, uh, I might have lost that patrol in a game of poker last week.” “Should have known, you never know when to fold,” muttered Guard B, who sighed. He then turned to the door and asked, “Who does put a heater in an ice cream factory?” “No idea,” replied Guard A. “Hello, fellow evil guards!” Both guard ponies looked up and saw Bon Bon and Berry Punch, dressed in guard gear, walk up to them with nervous smiles on their faces. Berry kept her smirk up as she continued, “It sure is a great day to be guarding evil things, huh? Man, I feel so evil I bet I could... uh... pop balloons at a foal’s first birthday part and not feel any regret for it. Ah ha ha ha.” The two real guards just stared at the mares who were now sweating. Still faking a toothy smile, Berry Punch whispered, “It’s not working... we’re screwed...” “Keep to the plan,” whispered Bon Bon. “Are you two alright?” asked Guard B, his tone wavering with uncertainty. “Something’s not right here...” “What do you mean, fellow guard,” laughed Berry, horribly so. “We’re just... um...” Bon Bon sighed, “Oh, Berry, just stop it, you're doing it all wrong! You’re never gonna earn your paycheck if you keep forcing the role. I keep telling you to relax and not focus on their faces, but their manes if you're too nervous.” Smiling at the confused guards, she said, “I’m sorry boys, she’s new, but she is getting better. Anyway, we got lost. Can you tell us where the birthday party is?” “Birthday party?” asked both guards. Bon Bon gave them a sly, seductive look. “You know? The birthday party we got hired to strip for? Why else do you think we have these uniforms? It’s for a ‘surprise inspection’, duh.” The two guards blinked while Bon Bon did her best to keep up her confident expression. Even now she could feel her heart beating like a drum inside her rib cage. The two guards looked at them, up and down, judging them. One doubt and it would be a whole world of trouble. “So you expect us to believe you two ladies are walking around in a restricted zone because you’re strippers for somepony’s birthday?” asked Guard B, flaring his nostrils. “Um, yes?” whispered Bon Bon. “Well, all I got to say is...” “Wait a minute, I know you!” shouted Guard A, pointing at Bon Bon. Berry and Guard B stared at the confused earth pony mare while the pointing guard continued. “Yeah, I remember! You went to Manehatten U, right? Class of ‘98? That frat party we had before the big finals in senior year!” Bon Bon’s eyes widened at the mention of this, her creamy coat paling. “I... I don’t...” “Oh, please, do go on,” motioned Berry as she started grinning at the sight of an embarrassed Bon Bon. “Oh man, this crazy mare was so drunk that she had the whole house rolling. She gave the best shows the way she shook herself and danced so wildy. The police had to call the S.W.A.T. team just to calm her down and stop all the guys, and some of the girls, from jumping on her like lions to a steak. Hey, can you still do that thing with the handcuffs, molotov cocktails, live eels, and three bottles of gin?” “Anyway!” interrupted Bon Bon, who was bright red now. “Can we please pass so we can go do our jobs?” “No problem. Let them pass, dude. After that night, there isn’t anything else this mare could be but a stripper,” said Guard A, nudging his rolling eyed partner. “I sell candies, I’ll have you know!” growled Bon Bon. “Yeah, I’m sure you sell your candy alright,” giggled Guard A as he opened the door, letting the two pass. A pissed off Bon Bon and a smiling Berry continued down the hall, neither of them speaking. Then Agent G, popped out of Berry’s uniform and looked at Bon Bon with a smile. “So, ‘98, huh? How was that year?” “Shut up or I’ll turn you into a purse for some old lady,” grumbled Bon Bon. After they reached the end of the hall, Bon Bon slowly opened the only door in the area a crack, taking note of the two heavily armed guards watching the security cameras while three technicians were operating various machines. Bon Bon quickly closed the door and told the others what she saw. “Okay ladies, I’ll take care of this one,” said Agent G, getting out of Berry’s uniform. He pulled out, from out of nowhere, a small toy robot. The girls raised their eyebrows and were about to ask how he got it when he quickly answered, “When you live with an owner like Pinkie Pie, you tend to learn a few things.” He wound up the toy robot and asked Bon Bon to open the door for him before he let it loose. Its noise attracted the attention of the five occupants who gathered around the scuttling object. One of the employees walked up to it to pick up with his hoof, only for a cavity to open up and fire a taser wire at the earth pony, zapping him with a bolt of electricity that left him twitching and unconscious. The guards quickly leapt into action to grab the dangerous object, but before they could jump on it, the back of the robot folded back, revealing a mini-jetpack. It activated it and flew into the air as the two guards crashed into each other head first and were knocked out. The remaining two employees tried to flee, but the robot flew in their way and open its mouth, revealing a small cylinder that shot out a green gas, quickly putting them to sleep. Bon Bon and Berry watched as it then settled back down on the ground before turning off. It only took forty-five seconds to accomplish this. “Jeez, if that little thing can do all that I’d had to see what those Gunpon models from Neighpon can do,” commented Berry. “Oh, we can’t use those models anymore. Not since the destruction they caused when the Star Ponies invaded Equestria seven months ago and the splash damage they caused wiped out Ponyville an eighth time,” laughed Agent G before slapping his mouth. “Wait?! What?!” shouted both mare’s before Agent G quickly put on sunglasses, turned around with a metal pole with a flashing red light and clicked the button that resulted in a bright white flash. Their eyes widened as the memory eraser went to work, quickly wiping out that last sixty seconds from their brain. Taking off his glasses, Agent G wiped the sweat of his forehead. “Close one.” “Um, what happened?” asked Bon Bon shaking her head. “What were we talking about?” “I don’t remember,” said Berry Punch, looking around. Coughing into his claw, Agent G said, “Well, we’re wasting time. Let’s get those heaters on, shall we?” Agent G went to work by rushing over to one of the computers and hurriedly typing away. When he was done, he tapped his communicator wristwatch. “HQ, do you come in? I’m at the maintenance systems, patching you in.” A small link cable came out of the wristwatch that Agent G quickly hooked up to the computer, letting Opal on the other line get to work. “Good work, Agent G. I’m hacking into their systems now, shutting down alarms, stealing their data, and... there we go, heaters are on.” The results were quick as all three of them quickly felt the room get warmer, a much needed relief.  “Well, what do we have here? Take a look at camera number four. I think your two pony friends will be interested in seeing this” Looking at camera number four, Berry Punch and Bon Bon looked in disbelief as every guard was pointing their guns at a single pony who was holding something right over one of the ice cream vats. “Colgate?!” ***Seven Minutes Earlier*** There were some days Luna often thought back to her time as Nightmare Moon, where she was feared by all. While she truly regretted her actions, there were those few days when she often wished she could just turn into her former cruel self one more time to rain unholy horrors upon those that annoy her. Mostly Philomena, the nobles, Philomena, Blueblood, Philomena, One Destination, and, just recently, anything disco related. Now a certain childish stallion with a doll fetish was slowly getting to the top of her list as she was forced to “kiss” Huffy the Magical Dragon, who was now apparently her “husband.” The stallion who had captured her continued to making kissing noises before putting them in their respective chairs. “Well, everypony, now that Huff and Miss Phoenix have gotten together, I think it’s time we all have some more tea!” Before the stallion could pour, a knock on the door quickly spooked him out of his chair as he fumbled around. He started trying to put away the tea set and toys, squeaking out, “Uh, just a minute!” “Topsy? Son? Is that you in there?” asked a male voice. “Y-yeah, Dad!” cried Topsy as he looked around in a panic. “I’m... uh... just getting the mop!” “But I have the mop,” said Topsy’s father as the door opened, revealing a dark grey unicorn in a janitor uniform, his balding head covered by a small grey cap. “What’s going on... in...” The room fell into silence as the janitor stared at the blushing Topsy holding all his toys in his magic. Luna did her best to remain still and wait to see how things would turn out. The janitor slowly covered his eyes with a hoof, shaking with rage. “Oh, you have got to be kidding me.” “Dad, it’s not what it looks like,” said Topsy, hiding his dolls behind his back. “I knew it. I knew it from the beginning! I told your sister, I told your mother-bless her soul in heaven-that the moment we brought you that Sailor Mare action doll with clothing accessories that you were gonna end up like this!” shouted the janitor, throwing the mop against the floor. He pointed at his son and continued, “It was all supposed to be a phase, but this is what I come into my work office to find?! My unmarried son can’t seem to grow up like a real stallion because he’s too busy playing with dolls, at the age of thirty-five! I’ve had enough! I’m burning your dolls!” “No! You can’t do that! Dad!” cried Topsy, struggling against his father’s magic to maintain a grip on his toys. “You can’t do this! These are my friends!” “It’s about time you got some real friends!” shouted Topsy’s father, struggling against his son’s magic. “Maybe then I can take you to clubs or stores or something instead of Toys R Us, where I have to keep lying to other customers that we’re getting Tickle Me Equo for your daughter!” As the unicorns’ argument heated up, Luna began tiptoeing towards the door before darting through the entrance and sealing it behind her. She wiped her sweaty brow with a wing. “Glad that’s over with. Now to find the others, so we can stop Philomena,” said Luna before flying down the hallway. Just as she left, another pony was coming through the other side, whistling a tune. He had a dark yellow coat and a grey mop-like mane, which fitted well with his jacket that signaled his occupation as janitor, leaving bare his broom sweeping cutie mark. After a bit of fumbling with his hat, he opened the door and raised an eyebrow as he saw one of the lead workers getting suplexed onto the floor by what appeared to be his partner janitor. He had him in a choke hold while struggling to yank out what appeared to be a Huffy the Magical Dragon doll. Shrugging, he levitated a box of floor wax nearby with his magic and closed the door. ***Five minutes earlier*** Cheerilee was starting to worry. Ignoring the fact that she was in the hidden secret base of a mad cow who was trying to take over the world with mind controlling ice cream, Colgate had disappeared a while ago and hadn’t come back. She left saying she had some kind of plan, but each passing minute only made Cheerilee wonder if she should just try and escape on her own. Whatever you’re doing, Colgate, I beg you to be subtle! “Hey! Crazy evil cow! Turn that ugly butt of yours and face your true enemy!” Cherilee facehoofed. Why, Faust? Why? Everypony in the lab turned around to face the one who had the guts to even say such a thing to the boss. Fuu Moochu, looking red in the face, looked around as Number 2 signaled for all the guards to whip out their weapons. “Who said that! Whoever did it, show yourself so I can vaporize you for such slanderous words!” “Over here!” shouted Colgate, standing at the railing right over the vats of ice cream. She tore off the worker outfit and raised her head proudly. “It is I, Ponyville’s Number One Dentist, Colgate! Member of the Order of Molars! Knight of the Crest Crusaders! Wielder of the White Brushes! Master of Floss-Fu! And—” “Okay! We get it already! You're a dentist! Geez,” shouted Fuu Moochu, rolling his eyes. “What do you want?” “I want you to surrender, Fuu Moochu! Your evil ways of corrupting innocent teeth ends here!” demanded Colgate, pointing her hoof at him. “Oh, and stop mind controlling people, that too.” Number Two growled before he pointed his hoof at the dentist. “I should have known something was off about you.” He turned toward Cheerilee and nodded towards her, resulting in two guards trapping her side by side. “And I am safe to assume your little friend is also with you.” “Cheerilee isn’t afraid! Sure, you might kill her and all, and even me too, but hundreds more will rise behind us to avenge our deaths and bring justice for dental health everywhere!” shouted Colgate. “Speak for yourself, you crazy mare! I want to live!” cried out Cheerilee. “Besides,” said Colgate, looking smug. “Our other allies are already turning on your factory’s heaters. Soon, your plot will fail and we will be victorious!” “Wait, this building has heaters?” asked Fuu Moochu, as Number Two quickly went to the computer and soon pulled in the schematics of the building. “It...seems it does, sir,” confirmed Number Two, eyebrows raised. Needless to say, nearly everypony, or cow, was looking at the screen in disbelief. A brief silence was in the air before Doctor Fuu Moochu muttered, “Who puts a heater in an ice cream factory?” “Hey! Look at me here! I’m trying to say how I’m foiling your evil plan!” shouted Colgate, stomping on the railway and puffing her cheeks. “Oh, right. Well, what is your so called grand plan? You're surrounded by all my workers and guards with no way out,” pointed out Fuu Moochu. Colgate replied with a sinister grin before she put her hooves behind her back. “Because if you don’t...” She then pulled out a white, fluffy and adorable kitten with a cute blue bow. Her eyes were so innocent and carefree that she had no idea that she was being held over a vat of ice cream being mixed with a deadly mind control poison by an insane unicorn via magic. Everypony look horrified at the sight, while Colgate was still grinning maniacally. “If you don’t stop your mad plan, your cat is going to get it!” Fuu Moochu, like everypony else in the room, was horrified by what this crazy mare was doing. “Are you insane?! First of all, that’s not my cat! Second, that’s a cat you’re holding over a vat that turns whatever falls into it into ice cream!” “Oh, don’t give me that. All you mad scientist guys have cats like these, it’s like in the manual or something,” shrugged Colgate. “Oh for the love off,” growled Fuu Moochu, rubbing his temples. “That’s a stereotype! Seriously, it's bad enough evil mad scientists like me get labeled as psychopaths with obsessions for creating insane plans based on science. But not all of us have white cats as pets, or hold our hooves to our mouths as we cackle, or have strange eyes or goggles, or, worst of all, were all kicked out of our schools for being ‘dangers to society’. Granted that last one happened to me, but I can name three others who finished college with a Masters!” Realization hit Colgate as she looked at the kitty, who was purring, and realized her so called “grand plan” was useless. Nervously, she giggled and rubbed the back of her neck. “Um, well this is awkward... I don’t suppose you’d be letting us go unharmed if I allow you a two for one appointment? With free floss?” The pointed laser guns at her face quickly answered that question. Colgate slowly tried to back away, but she missed a small puddle of melted ice cream and slipped, losing control of her grip on the cat while she knocked over a small table of chemicals that spilled into the vat. Everypony gasped in horror as the kitten was thrown into the air and looked down at the vat with a small “meow” before gravity took control. Everypony winced as its screeches of pain and agony were heard, a few fainting or even throwing up. “W-wait! Maybe she’s still alive!” shouted Colgate, before an ice cream coated tail flew out of the vat and smacked her in the face. “Or not...” “What the hay?!” shouted Fuu Moochu in disgust. “I’m all for liquidizing your enemies and all, but kittens?! That is a line we villains dare not cross! Eliminate her!” Before the guards could do anything, however, the vat started to shake as sparks of magic and lighting began to erupt out of it. The vat itself started to change colors as it began to glow, looking less like ice cream and more like a vat of toxic waste. All the scientists started shouting at each other as warning signs lit up the computers like a Hearth’s Warming tree, and pipes began to burst. Colgate, seeing her chance, quickly jumped off the railing and started running until she opened the door and bumped face first into a confused phoenix. “There you are! Do you have any idea what... what...” Luna, hovering in the air, looked around in confusion as the chaos of the lab began to worsen. “What the hay happened in here?” “It’s a long story, but all you need to know is that I am not responsible!” shouted Colgate, biting her lip. Fuu Moochu hung onto his railing while the room began to rock like an earthquake was erupting underneath them. “What’s going on! Number Two, report!” His second in command looked at the computer and replied, “Foreign chemicals are mixing in with the vat sir, it’s causing a mutation of the ice cream... and... and a living organism?” A large roar was heard from the vat as everypony watched a horrible, huge, mutated beast rose from the vat and broke through the ceiling, everypony in a ten-mile radius and beyond looked at the rising monster and gasped, pointing at it in horror. Just outside of the factory, Philomena was the first to speak at what she was seeing. “Is that a... giant ice cream cat monster?”