//------------------------------// // Ch 18 - Full Circle // Story: Diplomacy by Other Means // by Georg //------------------------------// Diplomacy by Other Means Full Circle “When a newly acquired State has been accustomed, as I have said, to live under its own laws and in freedom, there are three methods whereby it may be held. The first is to destroy it; the second, to go and reside there in person; the third, to suffer it to live on under its own laws, subjecting it to a tribute, and entrusting its government to a few of the inhabitants who will keep the rest your friends.” — N. Marechiavelli, The Princess Royal Guard Commander Buttercup looked across his office with an expression of confusion mixed with frustration that was the only thing that kept him from breaking out in hysterical laughter. Over the centuries, there had been a least a half-dozen Guard Commanders who had left their post wrapped in a straitjacket, and he was starting to think that was the only way out of the situation he found himself in now. Standing nervously by one of the chairs was his ‘favorite’ Optio, Pumpernickel, who in this situation was the least weird thing in the room. Little dark dots of nearly healed stitches criss-crossed his entire body along lines shaved into his silky coat, making him look a little like a Nocturne who had been pieced together from corpses and given life in some mad unicorn’s castle. His armor was still absent, since he was theoretically on sick leave until the last of the stitches were removed, and without it he should have seemed smaller in some fashion. Instead he bulked with a commanding presence the young guard had never radiated before, with the other three occupants of the room giving him deferential looks, and darned if Buttercup had not nearly saluted first when the mismatched group had entered the room. The second weird presence in the room was Pumpernickel’s wife, Hoofmaiden Laminia, who sat in perfect tranquility next to her husband while wrapped in the steel of a Night Guard. There was a distinctive gap allowing for expansion at the bottom of the curvey armor, and Buttercup was starting to think she intended on wearing it every day until she gave birth. Hopefully, she would emerge from her steel shell in the delivery room before the foal emerged, but he was beginning to wonder. And the third and fourth strange things… Pumpernickel straightened up at a nod from his superior officer and saluted. “Optio Pumpernickel of the Royal Guard, Night Division, hereby presents two Guard Candidates for inspection by the Commander. Cadet Candidate Radiant Dawn Touching The Mountains With Golden Light, Cadet Candidate Brilliant Lightning Stabbing Through The Clouds To Ignite The Trees, step forward!” The two big griffons stood up and stepped forward, triggering an instinctive impulse to step back in the Guard Commander that he successfully hid. “We have petitioned the Wingmaster of our aerie for permission to join the Royal Guard of Equestria, and serve the Princesses with honor,” they chorused simultaneously. “Long Live Princess Celestia and Princess Luna.” Commander Buttercup made as if to respond, paused, walked outside his office door and looked around, and then came back inside. “You two are serious, aren’t you?” “Yes, sir!” The taller female regarded him levelly, blinking her green eyes once in the lamplight that filled the commander’s office. There was a subdued glimmer of gold from one primary feather that matched the smaller male’s wing, and they wore identical archaic golden helms with the night vision enchanted eyepieces pushed up on their foreheads, but other than that, the griffons were naked. Naked clawed leonine paws, naked talons, naked razor-sharp beaks… The Guard Commander pulled himself away from that line of thought and shook his head. “I thought it was bad when Optio Pumpernickel came back from his mission and reported in. Did you know there are four, yes, four new legal ponies in the Night Guard dedicated to the paperwork caused by the antics of this—” Buttercup considered the extremely nearby positions of the new Cadet Candidates, as well as their supposed diet and changed his next word “—armored idiot? “And now if I let you two into the Academy, the Griffon Empire will shit a brick, no, a whole street full of bricks. The War Council will scream, the various aeries will all collectively moult on top of me, and that’s not half of what the pegasus clans will say. I’m going to find a big steaming pile of mixed poo on my doorstep every day until you two retire, at the very least. Are you positive your Wingmaster can’t be convinced otherwise?” Both griffons looked over at Pumpernickel, who shifted uncomfortably before responding. “The Wingmaster’s heir argued until she was blue in the face, and then Gilda sent them here. I tried to talk them out of it, but you know how bad I am at convincing anypony to do anything.” The commander shot a vicious look at Pumpernickel, before plunking back down at his desk. “Well, it’s your funeral. You two mated?” “One year and three months.” “One year and four months, Stabby.” “I thought we agreed not to count that first month, Dawn.” Both griffons stiffened to an immediate halt as Pumpernickel cleared his throat. “Sorry, sir. Allergies.” “Yeah,” muttered Buttercup. “First mares, now this. Next Academy class starts next week, so try not to kill anypony. Next thing you know, the Royal Guard will be letting in Minotaurs like the Municipal Guard. Welcome to the Academy, Cadets. Dismissed.” One griffon elbowed the other. “That was a joke, Stabby.” “But I thought the Wingmaster said they were going to have Minotaurs in this class, Dawn. It would certainly make it more interesting.” The male griffon cocked his head at the commander, only to have Pumpernickel clear his throat again. “Dismissed means get out,” said Pumpernickel, gesturing at the door. “Beg pardon, Wingmaster,” said Dawn with a deep bow and a curl of one wing. To her side, Brilliant Lightning duplicated her motion. “As new Cadets, we have much to learn.” “Then I suggest we start now,” said Pumpernickel, walking out the door. “We’ll start at the bookstore. Once we pick up the thirty or so books you will need to read before class starts, we can get your reading list for class, your quarters picked out, measurements, armor polish, and an introduction to all the other wonderful toys you’re going to learn to hate over the next two years. Then…” The Commander watched them leave with a growing sense of relief. Both griffons would be under the command of the Academy Commander until graduation, and since that was two years in the future, the possibility of Buttercup’s retirement was looking better and better. Upon his retirement, the Academy Commander was slated to move up into his position, and a very promising Lieutenant Commander of the Night Guards slated to move up to the Academy, and so on, and so forth. It reminded Buttercup of his own early formative years in the Night Guard, which had not been nearly as exciting as Pumpernickel’s, but perhaps with a bit of polish, the young Nocturne could continue to grow, and maybe someday he could be Commander Pumpernickel of the Night Guard. Commander Buttercup shook his head and laughed at the thought.