//------------------------------//
// What did you just say about me, you little foal?! 
// Story: The Adventures of Schadenfreude 
// by Daemon McRae 
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Chapter 2: What did you just say about me, you little foal?!

Have you ever seen your boss have an aneurism? No? Call the leader of the free world “Sunbutt” in front of him. Go on. I’ll wait.

So I’m standing there talking to Princess Celestia, who yes, I have met before, when my boss interrupts. Rather rude of him, I might add. “Are you out of your mind?! This is Princess Celestia! You should at least show her some respect!”

Rolling my eyes, I nodded. “Yeah, yeah. Hello, Princess Sunbutt.”

While my boss fumed, and readied another verbal response, Princess Celestia stepped in front of him and gestured for him to relax. “I see you haven’t changed since we last met, Freude,” she said dryly, with just a hint of humor in her voice.

I shrugged and smiled over her shoulder at what I suspected was my soon-to-be EX-employer. “Of course not. It’s on the list, remember?”

The Princess smiled. “Ah yes. Number seventy-five: Schadenfreude is not permitted to feign, fake, imitate, or otherwise portray any change in his personality, as it scares the locals. Well, legal obligations aside, I am here to deliver some good news: you’re fired.”

My boss’s reaction was immediate: he jumped about ten feet in the air, and cheered loudly. He then proceeded to dance about the room.

I sat back on my haunches and whistled in appreciation. “Wow. I’ve made such an ass out of my self the leader of Equestria has to fire me in person? Balls on toast that’s impressive.”

I saw the corner of her eye twitch, and she coughed into her hoof. She then gave another, more meaningful cough, and one of the guards standing on either side of the room (whom I had pointedly ignored up to now), stepped forward and took out a pen and a pad of paper. “Number one hundred and thirty-nine: Schadenfreude is not permitted to use the phrase ‘balls on toast’ in the presence of any of the Princesses.”

“Oh, come on!” I protested.

She shooed the guard away with a hoof, and returned her attention to me. “There’s another reason I have come to talk to you, Schadenfreude. Aside from firing you, and adding to the list, I have something of import to ask you.”

I spared a glance to my still-celebrating ex-boss, and returned my attention to Celestia with a deadpan stare. “And what, exactly, is that?”

“I’d like to offer you a job.”

The effect was immediate. My ex-employer all but fell out of the sky mid-skip, and crashed into a trash can. I felt warm and fuzzy all over. He then scampered his trash-laden ass over to where we were standing. “Wh-wh-what?! Princess, you can’t be serious!”

Now, while many of you may understand my un-boss’s protests, there is slightly more to it than just him wishing me to be unhappy: to be offered a job by the Princess is to be offered a job in the Castle. Which means room, board, and amenities are all basically paid for. On top of a rather decent salary. The maids, butlers, cooks, and cleaners of the castle will do basically anything you tell them to. The pay is that good.

Needless to say such an opportunity was very distressing to somepony that took glee in watching me get shit-canned by a Princess.

Said Princess turned to my old boss, and raised an eyebrow. “Surely you did not think that I came all the way out here just to fire him for you and make a small business transaction? Any one of my guards could do the same. No, I have a very special position at the castle in mind for him,” she said, returning her attention to me. “Schadenfreude, I believe I may have finally found a job that makes full use of your special talents.”

It was my turn to be confused. “How the Tartarus did you do that?!”

She responded with a smile. A slow, creepy smile. The kind of grin Discord would get if anyone were to ever introduce him to silly putty.

...number ninety six, just so you know.

Her grin stayed for a second, like she was savoring the moment. Then she said, rather calmly, “I believe you remember my nephew, Blueblood?”

My face had never hurt from smiling before.