//------------------------------//
// The Forging Of A Bond 
// Story: A Beautiful Swallow 
// by Skijarama 
//------------------------------//

    It came as a surprise to my fellow students that I had gotten my cutie mark, but most were unsurprised by what it meant. To me, the red quill represented my love of writing, while the tear coming out of it represented the sadness I liked to convey in my writing, along with my own newfound inner turmoil. As I said before, I was never the same after I was attacked by Dusk Raider, and it was, as far as I was concerned, represented by that tear. The nightmares, the more pessimistic attitude, my blunt behavior towards my friends all lined up with that tear coming from the quill.

However, something was beginning to enter my mind. It was a worry, and a want all at the same time. It was confusing honestly, that I could be afraid of something, and  have that same fear fill me with a warm, wonderful feeling of hope and longing. This concern of mine pestered me for weeks after I got out of the hospital. The concern itself was Swallow, who made as much time as possible to be near me, comfort me, and help me. Something about her was making me feel unusual. Something about her presence set my body on fire with a sort of joy I hadn't felt before. I was concerned as to why I felt this, but at the same time I didn't want it to ever go away.

I asked myself repeatedly what the feeling meant, trying in vain to find an answer. The events of one day's walk around town would begin me on the road to the answer I sought...


<^><^><^><^>


After eating breakfast, which was a fairly silent event for me those days, I stepped out into the warming air. I took a deep breath, and began my slow trot down the street. I had no destination, and I was in no hurry. My slow trot carried me through to the marketplace, where various ponies were starting to go about setting up various stands. I didn’t care, really. My mind was focused much more heavily on the when Dusk attacked me so many weeks ago. It was still haunting me horribly.

A chill ran up my spine, and my forehead gave a throb of protest at the memory. I wanted to shove the memories out, and forget I was ever attacked, but every other thought somehow looped back around to those few sickening minutes where my head was almost caved. I stopped and shook myself, then glanced around. I was a little outside of the market now. I made my way further into the carefully planned rows of houses and buildings. I recognized this area, now that I thought about it.

Sure enough, I saw Teal Bucklers house not far away. It was a simple home, structurally similar to mine, and 2 stories tall. I barely gave it a glance as I passed. Buckler and I hadn't spoken in a while, and I had no desire to communicate. It's not that I was angry at him, far from it, I was just not really social after that mess with Dusk. Even though I didn't even give the house the courtesy of a complete look, I guess Buckler was at the window and saw me. The front door to his house opened as I passed, causing me to halt.

Buckler stepped out, closing the door behind him. “Nettle,” he greeted, though not in his typical manner. There was none of the usual warmth or friendliness to his tone. All I could pick up was a distinct sense of worry and concern. I didn't respond, save for a simple nod. He came up to my side as I started walking again. “Can I talk to you?” he asked.

“Depends on what you want to talk to me about,” I said, glancing over at him.

“A few things, actually. First off, Waltz and Brimstone have been getting worried about you. You haven’t been talking to anypony in our circle for a while now,” he said, keeping pace and meeting my gaze. I sighed heavily.

“I just don't want to talk much these days. I’ve been very... distracted lately, and just need some time. Let them know I'm doing fine,” I answered.

“Well, alright. Just try and get in some time to talk to us at some point, okay? You're even worrying me,” Buckler said, looking down slightly. I dismisses him with a snort, but made no further comment. We walked in silence for a few moments. Finally, Buckler looked back up at me. “By the way...”

“Yes?” I asked.

“I heard about what happened with Dusk, his motivations and such,” he scoffed, “He's in jail at the moment, right?”

“Going to stay there, hopefully,” I replied coldly.

“Well, according to the ponyville confidentials, he was attacking you out of a kind of jealousy or something. Over Swallow?” he asked carefully, falling behind ever so slightly.

“He thought I was a threat to her, so he tried to beat my skull in,” I explained. He nodded.

“And I’ve noticed that, well...” he hesitated. I paused and turned to look at him. He gulped and continued. “You and Swallow have spent every second possible with each other. I don't mean to pry, but is there something between you two?”

“No. If there’s anything coming from her end, I haven't seen it,” I replied. A silence followed. I continued walking a moment later. Buckler didn't follow. As I walked, thoughts began to drift to and fro in my mind. I slowly began to arc my way in the direction of my house, lost in thought all the way. I honestly had no real idea how much Swallow cared about me. A lot, apparently, given that she was one of the only Ponies to keep herself close to me after I became so harsh. But she was closer than the rest.

I thought back to how I felt whenever she was nearby; I always felt safe, secure, protected and above all, wanted. She wanted me to keep being her friend. Everypony else was perfectly happy to step away when I changed. She alone was there by my side at all times, comforting me, helping me, caring for me. I suddenly realized the track my mind was taking, and shifted gears a bit. There was a feeling I'd overlooked. It was a very subtle, almost inconceivable pinch in my chest, and I only ever felt it when around her.

My mind continued to wander in this pattern, a question beginning to bloom in my mind. Did she ever feel the same thing when around me? I had no idea, but an idea on how to find a clue sprang to mind. I made a beeline for my house, deciding my parents would be the best source of information on this topic.


<^><^><^><^>


Closing the door as I stepped in, I noticed Dad and Noctis were both gone. Mom on the other hoof, was sitting at the table, engrossed in a book. I made my way to the table and sat down. Mom glanced up as I did and smiled at me. “Hello, Nettle. How are you?” she asked, the smile on her face holding a sort of sad tint.

“Meh,” was my response, resulting in Moms smile fading. She set her book down, and stood up from her seat in order to take the one next to me.

“Nettle, what’s on your mind?” she asked quietly, and I glanced back up at her.

“A lot of things, actually. I have a question for you.” I said.

“Oh? What is it?” Mom asked, wrapping her foreleg over my shoulders.

“What exactly do you feel when around Dad? Like, can you describe the sensation in a way that anypony could understand?” I inquired, opting to now stare straight ahead. Mom hesitated, looking down at me with an unreadable look.

“What brought this on?” she asked.

“Just give me an answer, please,” I replied, followed by a silence from both of us. It wasn’t an awkward silence or a tense silence. It was a thoughtful, considering silence. After a few moments, I got my answer.

“Well, it’s hard to describe it. Whenever I’m around him, I feel warm, like his mere presence is wrapping me up like a fluffy blanket. I also feel loved, for lack of a better word,” Mom described, not really giving me the answer I wanted.

“Can you describe the latter sensation?” I asked, looking back up at her again.

“I can try. You remember how when your grandfather died we were all filled with sorrow?” she asked, and I suddenly didn’t like where this was going. I nodded, and she continued, “Imagine the polar opposite. The ice that filled your veins melting away into a warm stream that carries you away, and you’re enjoying every second of it. It’s warmth far more comfortable than the warmth you feel when you first wake up under the blankets. It lights up all of your senses, and gives you a sort of elation. And you never want it to go away because if it does, you will be left hollow.”

That made a lot of sense, actually. It didn’t line up completely with what I was feeling around Swallow, but it was pretty close. Silence prevailed for several moments before I responded, “Thank you for telling me that.” Mom smiled at me, and gave my shoulder a pat.

“You’re welcome, Nettle. But tell me, what exactly brought this on?” She was giving me a warm smile now, but there was a sort of knowing mischief to it that made me uneasy.

“That’s my business,” I replied before slipping out of the chair, and making my way for the stairs.

“Nettle,” Mom called softly, and I turned to look at her. She hesitated, and then said, “If you’re feeling the same thing about somepony, you don’t need to hide it. And further, don’t be afraid of it. You never want to hide from your own emotions. It will do nothing but rip you apart from the inside out.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” I replied, and headed up.


<^><^><^><^>


I didn’t sleep well that night. Of course, I hadn’t been sleeping well for quite some time now, but tonight was different. Instead of the typical nightmare, the night’s dream was very different. I found myself awake inside a strange void. I was lying on my side, and a strange sense of calm, collected peace washed over me. As I glanced around, the void began to take colors, shapes, and defining features. Soon, I was in a sort of glade, surrounded by trees on all sides. The glade was surrounded by a circle of trees, the floor blanketed by bushes and other plants. The occasional firefly danced by, and the air itself felt pure. The moon was high in the sky, the craters of Nightmare Moon still etched into its surface. The night sky sparkled with a million stars. It was strange, but I felt safe here.

The place was completely foreign to me, but somehow, I had never felt safer. The ground itself was also rather inviting, given the dozens of multi-colored flowers that covered it. I felt warm, and protected.

Off to my right a twig snapped. Glancing over, I saw a white hoof retreating into the shadows beyond the glade. I wasn’t alone, then. “Hello?” I called, slowly approaching the edge where the hoof retreated. 

Two blue eyes looked out at me, looking frightened and bloodshot. The closer I edged, the further the eyes moved away. 

“Hey, are you okay?” I asked. 

The moment I did, the eyes turned away, and I heard hooves galloping away. “Hey, wait!” I called out.

I gave chase, trying to keep myself as non-threatening as I could. Somepony out here was hurt, or scared, and I was the only one who could help; I could feel it. This other entity and I were alone here in this forest. I heard the hooves moving away at an almost unnatural speed, and I found it impossible to keep up. Speeding up, I began to grow cold, and my body felt as though my veins were beginning to freeze. Suddenly, a sensation came over me. It was at first a sort of numb chill. moments later, it felt like my heart was ripped from my chest, the empty space filled with thousands of cold creatures eating away at me.

I crashed to the ground, twitching, gasping for breath, and sobbing uncontrollably. The sound of galloping hooves disappeared, and I was left there for I don’t know how long, feeling like something more important than anything else had vanished forever. I tried to move, I tried to think about something else, but it all went back to that pony that ran away from me. Where was he or she? Was he or she hurt? Why did he or she run? Countless questions and all of them unanswered.

Finally, just like how the glade had been painted around me, the paint was now beginning to melt away from the canvas, leaving me alone in that dark void, sobbing, and incapable of knowing why that pony had ran away, or where they went.


<^><^><^><^>


Morning came. The weekend was over, so it was time to head back to school, much to my dismay. Without lagging, I got my breakfast, put on my scarf and boots, and made my way there. All the while I was thinking about that odd dream. I wasn’t one to think that dreams meant anything in the long run. They usually reflected your mental state, but often didn’t make any sense. That one, however, was one of the most sensible dreams I have ever had.

I began to shove it out of my mind when I saw Swallow approaching me, a wide smile on her face. The white hoof I saw in the dream came back to mind with a vengeance. Was that supposed to be Swallow in my dream? It would make sense, given how much Swallow had been around me lately. I had started thinking about her frequently, so that likely spawned the dream. Still, I smiled in return as she fell into a trot at my side.

“Heya! You doing better today?” Swallow asked, nodding gently towards me.

“Sort of...” I answered, looking away. I could practically sense her ears drooping. “I'm fine, don't worry. I just have a lot on my mind, that’s all,” I clarified, looking back to her with the warmest smile I could muster.

“Well, spill it. What's on your mind?” she asked, voice and demeanor taking on a much more somber theme. I swallowed painfully, trying to find words. I faltered for a moment. Her face was in a worried, pained expression, one which I could not do anything for.

“I... I'm just uncertain of something,” I replied, keeping my voice level. At the time, I found it odd how hard it was for me to simply ask the question I wanted to ask. But the sparks lighting up my body were making that rather difficult.

“Like?” Swallow persisted, looking at me with a now curious gaze.

“I guess I don't really understand you as much as I thought I did. I mean, all of my other friends and I became rather distant after the Dusk incident. You, on the other hoof, have stayed by my side the whole time. You're one of only four ponies to not walk out on me, and I guess I'm just curious as to why,” I explained, looking down at the still snow-covered ground. A silence followed.

“I haven't abandoned you, Nettle, because I care about you,” Swallow said, resting a hoof on my shoulder. I stopped walking and looked back over at her. She had a friendly smile on her face now, one which lit me up, but for some reason felt insufficient.

“How much?” I asked the question before thinking about it. I felt her foreleg tense slightly through her hoof, and she looked at me curiously. I regretted those words almost immediately. Why the heck did I just say that? Why did I care how much she cared? It's obvious she cared a lot to have stayed by my side, why exactly did I need to know more!? I was about to ask her to forget it, when she answered.

“A lot, Nettle. A lot. You're one of the few friends I've made since moving here that I care about as much as my friends at my old home.” Swallow explained, drawing me into a hug. I hesitated, but returned it.

“Thank you...” I muttered, just basking in the embrace for its duration. After a moment, Swallow slowly broke the hug, and smiled at me.

“You're welcome,” she replied before giving me a comforting pat on the shoulder. I smiled in return, and watched as she turned and made her way for the school house. I followed after, not exactly sure still if I was feeling what I thought I was, but I knew this much; I've never had a better friend.