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// 5: Luna's March to Somewhere 
// Story: The Moon Isn't All Bad 
// by Ze Guest 
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Luna had been waiting a very long time for this. The idea just came to her for no particular reason yet, she felt it needed to be done. Now, this was going to be different from most of the things she has done on the moon. She wouldn't even call this a battle. It was more like insanity. Total war. That's what it was! 

Her eyes opened as that same song that always played started again. 6:00. Funny. She could have sworn she set for 9:00 the night before. Could have been a dream though. But alas, she was awake and time is unforgiving. But now, now, her patience has brought her to what she was about to do today. She rushed into the bathroom and prettied herself up. Brushing her hair, mascara, all the girly stuff. 

Hickory sat in the library (Yes, Luna had the audacity to build a library. Problem?) and was reading. And by reading, I mean wondering what the words would be in the books since they would fall apart by a single touch. The result of "reading" left a very messy and imperfect floor. Luna, instead of stomping the former wordless books, remade them the put them back in size order.

After fixing everything, having breakfast and sharing petty squabbles with a mute and deaf friend, Luna walked outside to a most beautiful sight. The buildings were all set, the railroad tracks were finished. All 280 miles of it. She looked at her army of 100,000 stallions in order, waiting to be brought to life.

What you are asking is: Are we supposed to believe that Luna did all of this? 100,000 ponies and 280 miles of buildings, all by herself?  The answer is: Yes. Yes, you are supposed to believe that. The power of imagination! But, while it would be fun to senselessly destroy an innumerable amount of buildings, what would be even more fun is to have a resistance. Perfect! She went to work and finished at the exact same time. 

The resistance was a lot smaller then her army. That was the point. Luna and her army were instantly going to wipe those guys off the face of the moon. Gladly. Muskets were handed out to the now animate stallions and dragged Hickory out of the house, still fruitlessly reading. They were about to go on a march. A march in which the moon has never seen before. A march of destruction and total fun.

One stallion was helping Luna aim a canon at a local hospital. Luna never actually fired a cannon before nor ever tried until now. This took numerous tries, however. The first time, she shot the stallion who was originally helping her. The second try was a dud and the third try she actually took off Hickory's leg. She instantly replaced it with a new one. Hickory was just happy it didn't hurt this time. Luna aimed on the fourth try and got a perfect shot. The building crumbled on top of hundreds of ponies. She was laughing as hard as possible. 

The resistance started coming little by little. Of course, 100,00 ponies against 200, who the heck do you think is going to win? This time, the resistance was just ponies. Why? The writer- I mean- Luna got lazy. Writer? What are you talking about...? Anyway, Luna and her army instantly trumped the resistance in a second's notice. One of them went over to her and tried to put a gun to her head but accidentally landed on Luna's horn. So basically it was assisted suicide. Nothing wrong about that. Not at all. 

Luna happily pranced up to a railroad track. Jovially smiling all over her big face. She turned to see a makeshift train rushing in to help the resistance. Well, not anymore! Luna thought happily. She used her magic to pry the iron rails off the track and tied them up like one would a bowtie. The train instantly derailed and launched into the air. 

At the same time and relatively the same place, a mare was running from the destruction. The mare tripped over some debris and hit the ground. She turned her head only to realize that a flying train was about to hit her smack in the face. Luna smiled a cheesy smile and waived good riddance to the poor mare.

Luna walked up to a very large plantation and kicked down the doors. She and a few of her allies walked themselves to the cellar. Luna, being the only one with use for it, took all the food that was stored down there. She took all the jewelry and basically everything valuable to the owners. Of course, even though she was a princess and they were soulless piles of sand, Luna gave her thanks. They weren't very welcoming. Rude.

Luna was having the time of her life. What could possibly be more fun than destroying houses and killing ponies? Luna and the army were headed towards a factory town. For about an hour, they all had fun mindlessly destroying things and trashing the city until they ran into a militia. This militia contained about 2,000 ponies. But what about Luna's army? Oh, she only had 100,000 freaking ponies on her side. So who do you think is going to win?

A stallion charged at Luna with a musket in hoof. Luna shot him by accident. She was aiming at the guy next to him but he just kind of got in the way. But she did end up killing the guy she was originally going for after. A group of them all charged Luna. Panicking, she dove for cover behind a cannon. A loaded cannon. With nopony using it. Luna popped out of cover. She could have hit the enemies charging for her, but they were right next to a building. A very flimsy looking one at that. She used her magical magic to aim the cannon at the building. She pulled the string on the top like the stallion who she didn't kill showed her. 

The next second, the building collapsed on top of them. Luna was trying to hold back a laugh. But... why? As quickly as she could, she slipped behind a building that wasn't yet obliterated. Oh, if only she could hear herself laughing right now. It must have taken her fifteen minuets to finally pull herself together because by the time she had, the battle was finished and her army was ready to move on.

More obliteration and pillaging ensued after that battle. Nothing too different. Luna and the stallions were getting close to the end. Though, Luna felt it went all too quick. But it was still worthwhile. The army was all prepared to capture a fort that would be vital to her success. There were, no doubt, enemies inside. Waiting to defeat her. 

Moon rocks flew like cannon balls as the battle raged on and on. Luna shot and killed and repeated. In fact, she was able to find a sword. Boy was she happy to see a sword again. She pulled it over to her. An enemy was chasing one of her allies as he tried to reload his gun. Luna snuck up behind him and tapped his shoulder. 

What Luna wasn't expecting was him to draw his sword. The two of them clashed their weapons together. The stallion raised his sword and brought it down. Luna met it with her own at the last second. He backed up and took another swing. This one, a little lower, by the knees. Luna's sword stopped the other one from going any further. Luna outstretched a foreleg and her hoof met his face. The stallion hit the ground and Luna stood over him. She lowered the sword. 

The army rushed into the fort and tore it apart. Enemies tried to fight back but they simply didn't stand a chance. Luna found a stallion and, with her sword, chopped him up into little bite-sized pieces. Another one she found she carved into a dragon-like shape. He looked like a miniature Discord. My, how she hated Discord. She chopped his head off and pranced away. 

The rival army finally decided to throw their hoofs in the air and admit defeat. Luna and her army was able to take over the fort. They rejoiced with their victory. Luna took some champagne she took from one of the plantations and launched the cork. After the whole party concluded, she turned the stallion's back into piles of dust. She flattened the land in which she quite happily destroyed. 

Hickory and Luna finally got home. Luna jumped on her bed and looked up a the calendar. She had been here for at least 300 years now. "Time flies fast when you are having fun." She said, drifting into a long sleep. Thinking what other ideas will fill her mind. 

Hickory sat back in his chair down in the library. He put his quill down and smiled. His work was going to be of good use. He stood up and knocked all of the fake books on the floor. He rubbed his hoof along the wall until a small section started to crumble. In it was a pile of paper, bound together by a few straps of leather. He put another piece of paper in there, added it to the other papers and closed it up. Hickory then picked up the pile of crumbled books and put them back in size order. He smiled again as raised his ear. Luna was snoring loudly like always. A couple hundred more years... he thought.