//------------------------------//
// The Crystal Empire, Part 2 
// Story: Responses To A Disgruntled Friendship Student 
// by keaton-furman-prower 
//------------------------------//

Dear Twilight Sparkle:

First off, that crystal meth atmosphere must be getting to you head. It’s starting to affect your brain pretty badly.

Anyway, I’d like you to find that door and bring it to me. I can only imagine the horrible things that I will be able to see happening to you. Hopefully things that I can do without anypony but you realizing it.

But anyway, kudos to your friends for continuing the festivities even as an evil lord of darkness approached them. Especially Fluttershy. I’m honestly surprised she was brave enough to go into the jousting ring with Rainbow. Maybe next they should have asked her to sing.

But back to you now. Why are you talking to me about Luna?! I was your mentor, not her! Or are you saying that you’ve been taking lessons from her now? Oh well, I suppose since she’s the princess of the moon, she won’t have much trouble living there.

Also, you got outsmarted by a black cloud who speaks in crystalese and is obsessed with stairs. How pathetic can you get? Now Fax Machine gets to be a hero for once! At least he’s still as clumsy as ever, or I’d be pretty depressed right now.

Oh, and Shining Armor is really good at throwing things. Like his wife. At a baby dragon. Who is hundreds of yards away. Seriously, how is he not an athlete?!

Finally, I must admit that it's a pity the bald apes are extinct. From what I've heard, they sacrificed some of their own people to their false gods! While we all know that the one true God is King Hasbro, I must admit that's a sacrifice I could enjoy.

Your gleefully trollish former teacher, Princess Celestia.

P.S.: I think I'll install a stained glass window of your Fax Machine at your library. I know how much you enjoyed seeing the one I have at the castle!

P.P.S.: Beware Cadance. She thinks you need to be sent to the rainbow factory.





Dear Princess Cadance:

I know that Twilight has been a bitch as of late, but I think you could probably help her a lot if you showed her some love like you did when she was a filly. Maybe if you took her on an educational tour through the rainbow factory you’ll see some of little Twilight come back?

Your very favorite aunt, Celestia.

P.S.: Please don’t worry if you get a letter from your doctor warning you about the presence of foreign magic in the memory centers of your brain. It’s probably just Twilight’s presence in your vicinity.