//------------------------------// // The Plaque Death // Story: Pinkie Pie's Toothache (of Destiny) // by Digibrony //------------------------------// Pinkie Pie's Toothache (of Destiny) by Conrad "Digibrony" Collins Chapter One: The Plaque Death "Sweet Celestia, Pinkie Pie! What in Equestria is wrong with your teeth?!" Rarity shoved her head into Pinkie's mouth, terrified by the state of affairs therein. Pinkie's canines were cavernous with cavities; her gumline a garrison of grime; her molars a morass of mildew. "What're you talking about, Rarity? My teeth have always looked like this!" "How can this be?! How could I never have noticed?! No-no-no-no-no, this simply will NOT do. Pinkie Pie, I am taking you to the dentist immediately!" "Who-ho-ho there, Rarity! Nopony's coming near my precious little toothsies with some big crazy drill!" "Well, we will just have to see about that, now won't we?" Rarity's horn lit up, and with a flash of light, she teleported herself and Pinkie Pie into the lobby of one Dr. Colgate's office. "Hah! Good thing I borrowed Twilight's book on teleportation spells the other day." Pinkie shot to her hooves and bolted for the door. "I won't go back there! You can't make me!!!" Rarity captured Pinkie in a cloud of magic and held her just above the ground as a blue unicorn stepped into the lobby from a back room. "Hi Rarity!" Dr. Colgate said. "What brings you here today? Isn't your next check-up a couple of months away?" "Doctor, we have an emergency on our hands! My friend Pinkie Pie has probably never been to a dentist in her life, and now she suffers from devastating dental decay!" "That is an emergency! Bring her into the back room straight away." Rarity gravitated Pinkie into the back room and sat her down on a mechanical dentistry chair. "You can't hold me forever, Rarity!" "Hush up and settle down or so help me, I will strap you to that chair so tight it will leave bruises!" Pinkie begrudgingly calmed and laid down, striking a menacing glare at her friend. Rarity returned the glare with equal ferocity. Dr. Colgate strapped on a mask and stood over the pink pony. "Now, if you'll just open up, I'll have a look at what you've got going on in there." Pinkie didn't move a muscle. Rarity remedied this with a swift hoof to Pinkie's gut, which caused her to gasp in pain. The moment Pinkie's mouth opened, Rarity magically shoved a rubber stopper into it. "That'll do," Dr. Colgate said, and took a look inside Pinkie's mouth. "By Celestia's mane! Did a bomb go off in here?!" "Doctor, she eats nothing but sweets day in and day out, and I'll bet she never ever brushes her teeth!" "Hough doogh hou-nieh hruh heir teeh?" Pinkie garbled. Rarity removed the stopper from her mouth. "What was that, dear?" "I saiiid, how do ponies brush their teeth? I've seen unicorns using magical toothbrushes, but how are us earth ponies supposed to do that?!" Rarity and Dr. Colgate exchanged surprised glances before the former responded. "You mean you've never seen an earth pony toothbrush before?" "Duh, I just said that!" "I have one right over there," Dr. Colgate said, pointing with her hoof. Attached to a sink on the wall was a metallic mechanism—a large, sturdy clamp with a crescent-shaped brush on its front. "Huh. I guess my family didn't have one, since we lived on a rock farm and all." "Now, if you'll please open up again, I'd like to assess your dental situation further." Pinkie begrudgingly opened her mouth, not wanting to chew rubber a second time. "For the love of Luna... this is like nothing I've ever seen before. In all my years of dentistry, I've never come across such potently putrid plaque!" "What does this mean, doctor?" Rarity asked, distressed. "I don't know. But I know where I can find out. Excuse me for a moment." Dr. Colgate disappeared into another room, returning shortly with an enormous book. (How anypony besides a unicorn could carry such a thing would be a mystery.) Dr. Colgate placed the book on a shelf beside the operating chair. "This is the Plaquronomicon—the life's work of three generations of the Colgate family. Every form of disease known to dentistry is listed and detailed in this book. Give me about half an hour, and I'll find out just what's going on in that mysterious mouth of yours." "What should we do until then?" Rarity asked. "Oh! Oh! Let's go make cupcakes!" "Haven't you learned your lesson today about eating too many sweets?! We'll stay put and wait here. After all, I wouldn't want to risk giving Pinkie the chance to escape." Pinkie stuck her tongue out at Rarity, who returned the favor. The ensuing conversation of ridiculous facial expressions continued until Dr. Colgate spoke again. "Bad news, girls." Rarity and Pinkie shot to attention. "I've learned the identity of Pinkie's puzzling plaque... it's... The Plaque Death!!!" In unison, Dr. Colgate's audience shared a startled gasp, and then asked, "what's that?!" "The Plaque Death. Not seen in nearly two-hundred years, it was the deadliest form of plaque known to pony kind! It prompted the very creation of earth pony toothbrushes, since most of the ponies who contracted it, like Pinkie here, had never brushed their teeth before. To make matters worse, the disease can't be destroyed through ordinary dentistry." "Then what do we do?!" Pinkie begged anxiously. "According to the writings of my great-great-great grandmother, Colgate I, the only cure for The Plaque Death is a mysterious element which she named Colgatium. But there hasn't been a report of Colgatium being used in dentistry for over a century! I have no idea where the element can be found—IF it can be found." "Of course it can be found!" Rarity interjected. "We'll scour all of Equestria if we have to. Pinkie's life could be at stake!" Pinkie felt nervous hearing her possible fate stated so bluntly. "I have just one lead. In the Canterlot history archives, we should be able to find Colgate I's travelogue. If we can find out where she discovered Colgatium, then we may be able to go and mine it for ourselves." "Now that sounds like a plan! Pinkie, go and purchase four expressway tickets to Canterlot!" "Okie Dokie Lokie!" Pinkie gave a salute and dashed off to buy the tickets. "Who is the fourth ticket for?" Dr. Colgate asked. "It is for the best librarian in all of Ponyville. Come along—let us locate Twilight Sparkle!" ~The Plaque Death, end~ (next chapter: Colgate I's Journal)