//------------------------------// // Outrageous Fortune // Story: Rude Awakening // by ponyaddict //------------------------------// Acting quickly, I grabbed the tape measure and halted its progress as it reached my knee. “Um, maybe we should think of some other way to do this,” I said. “Oh. Oh!” Rarity's eyes widened. “Yes, I see how this would be problematic for you. Once again I find myself having to apologize, I didn't quite consider what measuring for these 'pants' would be like for you.” She pondered for a moment. “If you'd like I could do something that doesn't need to fit as closely, a skirt or something similar. Do colts wear skirts or dresses where you come from? Oh what am I saying, if you're in Equestria you shouldn't be dressed like a mare...” We both thought for a moment. “Maybe if I held the top end of the tape measure, that would probably work.” “And here I am, being blind again. It never even crossed my mind to ask you to hold it since you weren't a Unicorn.” Taking the end of the tape measure from here I resumed my fitting posture and carefully positioned my end of the tape measure where it needed to be. I was very grateful that Rarity was studying the other end of it down near my foot. With that number recorded, she went on to measure the other sizes she would need for the first draft pattern. “All right, that about wraps up the numbers I'll need. Giving a conservative estimate, I'd say the first draft should take 45 minutes to an hour. I'm sorry it's going to take that long, but I'm in fairly new territory, you see.” “I understand completely. I'm just glad you're helping me out, what with me having no money and all,” I admitted carelessly. Rarity's eye twitched. “No money, you say?” Her face began clouding with irritation, bordering on anger. I panicked a bit, realizing my mistake a little too late. “I can work for it to make it up to you, but I really need your help.” Well, nothing for it. I might as well tell her the full extent of my troubles. “In fact I... may not have been entirely straightforward with the story of how I got here.” She began backing away slowly, and out of the corner of my eye I could see a small cloud of needles lifting off a table. “You're not a fugitive, are you?” I shook my head. “A carnivore?” “Omnivore.” She was beginning to look a little more relieved. “Eldritch horror masquerading as a seemingly harmless creature?” Why was this the last question? I shook my head. “Then continue.” I sighed, easing up a bit. Before noticing, that, yes, I was still buck naked. This didn't seem to be bothering Rarity much anymore when she wasn't doing anything involving the bits I wanted very much to conceal, but I was still very aware of it. “Um, before I begin I have to ask something I'm going to feel like an idiot for not asking sooner... do you have a towel or scrap bolt of cloth I could use to cover up a bit while you work?” “Of course. I wish you had asked sooner if you're truly that uncomfortable with the au naturel look. I'll be right back,” she said as she began trotting for the door. Which reminded me why I hadn't asked her to do anything that might involve leaving the room before this. The Twilight Sparkle plushy was still sitting in her path to the door where my terrible throw had left it. Well, I thought to myself, I'm screwed now. Coming across the toy, Rarity eyed it curiously. She inspected it for a few moments. “Hmm, it seems my sister has a talent for making stuffed animals,” she seemed to say to no one in particular. She then leaned down, grabbed the doll in her mouth, and trotted out of the room. I stared at the empty doorway for a few moments, doing an impression of the initial reactions I'd been getting today. I had used that... in front of my... and then she... with her mouth... I vowed, then and there, that I would never let her learn where that doll had actually been today. On the other hand, the reason I was disturbed by Rarity's handling of the doll was likely the reason for Twilight's panicked reaction. I wasn't a Equestrian society expert, but I imagine showing up in someone's bathroom holding a likeness of them in a suggestive manner was a meaning that crossed cultural divides, that meaning being: 'there is something seriously wrong with this man and you feature in his fantasies'. I blanched as I started to piece together the current state of my personal slice of Shakespearean Hell. One, Twilight Sparkle was the only pony in town with the knowledge or connections to get me back home. Two, Twilight Sparkle thought I was stalking her, and had tried to buck me in the chest at our first meeting. Three, Twilight Sparkle was now hunting me, possibly accompanied by at least the fastest flier in town and perhaps more of her friends. Four, Twilight might be on her way here eventually to get Rarity to help search for me. Five, to explain to Rarity why Twilight was mad at me I might have to mention the doll. Six, Rarity had picked up my former decency screen with her mouth and I had made no move to stop her, possibly painting me as a pervert in her eyes, too, if revealed. Or at least inconsiderate. Seven, I was, for the moment at least, still in my birthday suit. Trying to look on the bright side, I took stock of what was going my way. Rarity was fetching me a towel which would suffice to end my nudity in the short term. Two, she had agreed to make me a set of clothes at a moment's notice without much question, living up to her reputation of generosity in spades. Three, I had eluded the mauve magician for the time being. The list of good was shorter than the bad, but if I phrased my explanation to Rarity well enough I could hopefully knock out a few of the bad points at once and line the rest up to be solved in time. Speaking of time, it was taking a fair bit of it for Rarity to get back. I began to get nervous, the longer she delayed the less time I would have to explain what was going on before Twilight inevitably arrived. Things must have taken a turn in my favor, as no sooner had I begun worrying than the white Unicorn returned to the room with not one but two bath towels. “One seemed like it might be a bit small for your waist, so I brought another to tack on the end just in case,” she explained as she levitated a towel out to me. I took it gratefully and slung it around my waist. It was a bit tight and the length left a little to be desired, only coming halfway down my thigh. It was neither as wide as a barn door or as tall as a well, but I warranted it was sufficient. “I'm going to get to work on those clothes for you, I already have a pretty good idea of what I want to do with them. Though I'm afraid I have a bit of trouble holding up my end of a conversation when I'm 'in the zone', so you have plenty of time to tell that story of how you got here, Sam.” The moment of truth. Well, here goes nothing. “Well, I arrived in Equestria not too long ago.” Looking outside, I tried to judge how much time had passed. With the sun already setting below the horizon it was difficult to say, “My best guess would be about two hours ago.” She stopped working for a moment. “Two hours, you say? But even Rainbow Dash can't make it to the border along the Kestrel Run in less than three hours, let alone two.” She turned around and eyed me suspiciously. “Truth be told, it may have taken longer than that for me to get here, but I've only been awake for about the last two hours. I honestly don't have many clues as to why I'm here.” Rarity pondered this for a moment, her work temporarily forgotten. “In fact,” I elaborated, “I went to sleep in my own bed in my own house in my own distant country last night.” “That's terrible news! How long is the journey supposed to take to get there?” “Which leads into the second problem I have. Though we know of Equestria in my country, it's very sketchy information and none of us actually know how to get here, that's how far away it is. The leading theory I'm working on right now is some spell brought me here, either accidentally or maliciously.” “Did you know any Unicorns who didn't like you? Oh, but you said there aren't ponies in your country...” A small light bulb clicked on behind her eyes. “So then how do you know about magic?” You got me there, Rares. Think fast, Sam... “Magic isn't that big of a thing in our country. There's no easy way to tell who might be able to use it, and there have been very few in history who have been credited with discovering enough to use it. Even they are more like myths than men.” “So do you think it's an accident, then?” “At first I thought I had been kidnapped based on where I woke up, but after realizing where I was I've started putting more stock in the accident theory.” “But where in Ponyville did you wake up that you thought you had been kidnapped?” “And this is where I get to the hard part. I may have done a teensy bit of lying when I told you about me coming here – nothing bad, I swear! I woke up like you saw me, without my clothes, in Twilight Sparkle's first floor bathroom.” I could see her gaze unfocus as she looked into the middle distance, thinking. She started putting two and two together. “If you thought she'd captured you... and she didn't know what was there... Oh goodness, you didn't get in a fight with her, did you?” At this a human probably would have stood up from the workbench, but as Rarity was already standing she simply turned towards me, abandoning the pretense of working while we talked. She lifted a foreleg nervously. “Kind of? No one got hurt. She walked into the bathroom before I could get my bearings. I must have scared her, though, as she tried to buck me in the chest. I escaped out the window after dodging, though,” I explained, trying to avoid any mention of what had scared Twilight. “I see. That sounds... plausible, I suppose.” Rarity relaxed now that she had some confirmation that I didn't beat up her friend over some misunderstanding. “It's a good thing you dodged, too. I don't think she would have liked it very much to find out that she clobbered someone innocent over some minor magical mishap.” “I think I might have liked it even less,” I said with a wink. This got a small chuckle from Rarity. “Though, I may not have left on very good terms. I never did get a chance to explain myself to her, so I think she's still somewhere in town looking for me. That's why I told you she was 'just leaving the big tree house' when I saw her.” Rarity seemed amused at the lengths I had gone through to not lie. “I must say, Sam, it seems like you could give Applejack a run for her money on splitting hairs with the truth, trustworthy lies.” I began phrasing the best couching for my request for mediation with Twilight Sparkle or her search party, when there came the jingling of a bell from the front room. “I'll be out in just a moment!” Rarity called out. She turned to me. “I have to go see who that is. I have the first draft of the patterns traced out on that cloth there on the table, if you like you can help by cutting them out.” “Sure thing, I'm glad to help any way I can,” I said as Rarity levitated the fabric scissors towards me. A frantic Twilight Sparkle chose this moment to enter the doorway, and I'll try and describe the scene as she must have seen it. One of her best friends was wielding scissors at the horrible, perverted intruder from earlier, obviously trying to defend herself. The beast had stolen one of her towels, Celestia knows what for, and had its arms extended, threatening Rarity. As I stared dumbstruck at Twilight, time seemed to freeze for a few moments. If only it had frozen a bit longer. “You!” Twilight spat. “Me!” was the best retort I could come up with. Twilight dropped to a crouch, her horn pointed straight at me. As she began to channel power into it for a spell, I saw Rarity moving out of the corner of my eye. “Wait!” she yelled, as she bounded between me and Twilight. Twilight Sparkle's eyes were screwed shut in concentration, however, and her spell went off, aimed directly at Rarity.