The guide has this to say about tea.
Tea is an extremely odd substance. Almost every civilization has invented some variation of it, yet very few actually like it. One of those extremely rare cases used to be humans, which are now extinct. While two may be alive, that is not enough to say they are not extinct, and since the guide prides itself on not being behind the times, and instead being ahead of them, the human species can be considered to be extinct. Now back to tea.
Tea has interesting mathematical properties.
When ordering tea at a restaurant, the numbers on the bill dance around more actively than ever imaginable.
Due to this, many people wonder what would happen if somebody ordered tea in a bistromathematics engine.
******
Arthur stared around blearily. All he saw was a blur.
This must be the afterlife, he thought.
He stated so out loud.
"I agree." Said a voice that did not sound completely unlike that of Ford Prefect.
"Rather pleasant one."
"Hmm."
Ford was about to ask Arthur to stop stating the obvious, but he remembered that then his brain would start working.
"Rather white place, eh?"
"Quiet down Arthur. I need to see if it has a bar."
"Indeed it does." said a new voice.
"The bar is a part of the bistromathematics engine, which powers the ship you are now on. The Teabag-1."
There was only one person Arthur or Ford knew who knew about bistromathematics. For the sake of not causing anyone stress, we shall state the person was Slartibarfast, as stress is one of the leading causes of death in the universe.
However, Ford was too busy to make this observation. He was too busy placing a rather large order of Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters.
Arthur stated the most obvious and logical thing he could at the moment.
"What."
He repeated the word a few times, but since nobody seemed to pay attention, he stopped. He now understood he had two choices. One was he could try to understand Slartibarfast.
Two was that he could eat something.
He wrestled with the two, mind supporting one, and body supporting two. However, the stomach suddenly received backup
in the form of a large rumble, and the body won.
Arthur seeked out the bistromathematics dining table, and ordered the most dangerous, mathematician- damned drink in the universe.
"Waiter, could I please have some tea?"
***
Twilight Sparkle had just finished her book, The Newcomers Guide to Ponyville, when she heard the sound of a thousand ponies saying- "Tea". She saw no reason for a thousand ponies to be nearby, and no reason for them all to only say a single word, so she went out to investigate.
The first thing she saw was a massive something that was gold hurtling towards her backyard.
On fire.
At a rather dangerous speed.
About a minute earlier...
"My name is Eddie!
Hello!
And I am here to say-"
"MAKE IT STOP!" cried ford, who was already suffering from a mother of hangovers.
The guide has this to say about AI's singing.
AIs are bad at singing. Or choosing songs. Or anything related to music in particular. The only way they can sing a minorly acceptable song is if they suffer from a dimensional anomaly, which is incredibly rare. Of course, nobody has actually tested this theory, so this relies on sole deduction.(read- a mad man's ravings.)
"Where did Eddie come from anyway?" asked Zaphod, as he hummed along to the tune.
"Well," answered Slartibarfast,"It appears that due to the Earthling's order of tea, the fabric of space time has been snapped in two. This means that we have been-"
Everything else which he said was ignored as Zaphod, deciding that what Slarti was saying was boring, went to have a drink.
This was a major mistake, as the ship materialized in the sky above a quaint little town about thirty two point three-seven seconds later.
The guide says this about materializing while drunk-
Don't do it.
Which means that several hitch-hikers HAVE tried it, and have been given the mother- no, the mother AND father AND son of all hangovers.
The ship shuddered as it crashed. A spike of metal shot up for no reason and hit the robotic waiter who was carrying the tea, swiftly dismantling it. An apple hit Arthur in the face and knocked him out for a grand total of five seconds.
Trillian, who was using the bathroom, suffered a unfortunate accident.
Zaphod fainted due to the family of hangovers inhabiting his head.
Slartibarfast continued droning on about space time, not caring one way or another.
The ship stopped.
Ford pushed the door and looked out. He looked back in and banged his head on a table. He then looked out again.
Before passing out, he asked-
"How many drinks did I have?"
In order to prevent anyone from getting tense or worried, we shall tell you that when he awoke, he was informed he had had seven.
What, did you think the chapter was already over?
Back in time a minute, but forward in time a few seconds,
What seemed like a flap of the strange metal object flew out, and crushed the hairless ape that had been wearing an odd T-shirt that said 'Brony and proud'. There were gasps all around, and even more gasps when the beast coming out of the hole came out. It was a somewhat similar ape, but it had a magical aura about it.
Or, as the more sensible people around it said, it was completely drunk.
It stared, muttered something about a number of drinks, and fell down.
Another ape came out. It looked around, and spotted Twilight. It marched towards her, purpose in its stride.
It stopped in front of her, and looked at her, terrifying as it was tall, and it spoke.
"Now listen here, and listen very carefully. I have a question to ask you. It is a matter of life and death."
Twilight's ears flew up at the sound of the word 'question'. She was a genius. She could answer any question this monkey thing could possibly ask.
It looked at her. Then slowly and delibrately, it said-
"Where.Can.I.Find.Some.Tea.?"