I enjoyed my walks home with Short Order. Summer evenings in Hoofington tended to be warm, and the setting sun’s glow was just enough to navigate home by. The tidy cobblestone roads weren’t packed; there were enough ponies out that it felt safe.
Still, Short was a gentlecolt, for better or worse. Ever since our first date at his restaurant, he insisted on walking me home. Even though he was barely six months older than me, he held an old-fashioned sense of honor about that sort of thing.
“Did you enjoy dinner, Max?” He tilted his head to look at me while we walked.
I smiled up at him; he’d decided against using my nickname four months ago. After my initial push, though, I didn’t really mind. “Yep. Reminds me of the first time I had Canternese.”
We walked together in quiet; part of what I liked about Short was that he didn’t need to fill every waking second with chatter. I liked being around him.
However…
As we turned through intersections and walked our familiar path, it started happening again. Or at least, I noticed it between us:
Distance.
We were two ponies, out on a date. We’d been dating for months at a pretty steady rate without any major personality hiccups. I liked him, and from the vibe he gave me, he liked me back. But, he had some pathological fear of contact or something.
Oh, if I pointed it out, he’d drape a hoof over me and we’d walk in a romantic embrace. I liked it there. For my first boyfriend and real shot at a relationship, his presence was more than comfortable. He was fit, he was gentle, and he smelled nice; the problem came from how I had to initiate any sort of contact.
I closed the gap between us during a right-hoof turn. Just like always, he started walking three-legged to hold me as we walked the final leg of our journey.
My apartment complex was a two-story house whose paint complimented the tiny evergreens that framed the front door. There was a cozy little landing outside the front door, where visitors could ring a bell and wait to be greeted; it was in that landing where Short and I had what I knew was going to be the same conversation as always.
“I’m glad you enjoyed tonight.” He smiled as he took his hoof off my shoulder.
I returned his smile and tilted my head in. “It was fun.” After a pause came the same question as usual: “Do you wanna come in for a little bit?”
The same headshake answered. “Thanks, but I have to get up early tomorrow.”
I tried not to let it bother me. He did work mornings in his restaurant, the one he owned. He had responsibilities. Or heck, maybe he was just really, really clueless about dating.
Still, I couldn’t keep making excuses for him. I had a job that needed me to get up early. If he didn’t know what I meant by “come in for a little bit”, I wasn’t going to bend over and show him, either. It’d been a year since I last went to Stalliongrad and drowned myself in mindless, drunken fun with a local stallion or two; in that time, I liked to think I’d earned back some self-esteem.
Yet, every time Short turned down my offer or I had to ask him to hold my hoof or hug me… I sighed, out loud. It hurt.
“Is everything all right?”
I grinned and shook my head. “I’m not sure, Short. Is there something wrong?”
After a few flustered blinks, he stammered, “I… I’m…” He frowned and then gave up. “Huh?”
My hoof pointed up at the direction of my unit; of the four apartments that made up my building, it was the one on the top left. “You… do know what I’m really asking about, right?”
He nodded, and his cheeks reddened.
Good grief. I let my hoof fall and tried to keep my frustration off my face. “But every time, you say no…” I paused before shrugging. “Why?”
Short swallowed, hard, but his voice actually cracked as he answered, “Because, I… I like you. A lot.”
We’re the same age, we’re the same age… I repeated a little mantra in my head. My bottom eyelids rose as I pointed out, “That’s a weird way of expressing that.”
“I mean, I don’t want to…” He brushed the back of his head and looked away. “Be… awkward.”
“Well we are past that point.” I bit off the last few words, but I tried to do it in a light, friendly manner.
He shook his head and looked down. “Well it’s…” The rest of whatever he said got lost to mumbles.
Then, it hit me like a dead fish. I kept my hoof on the ground instead of smacking myself for not seeing it sooner: “You’re a… you haven’t been with anyone before, have you?”
He kept staring at the ground, but offered a tiny sideways twitch of his head.
I chewed my tongue as I thought about how I wanted to play this out. Finally, I shrugged. “So?”
Short looked back up at me. “I… you just asked. Doesn’t that—”
“Explain some things?” I nodded. “Yeah. That’s why I asked. But I don’t really care, at the end of the night. If we’re in this for the long haul, there’s got to be a bit of a learning curve as we figure each other out.”
For a moment, I thought I’d convinced him. Then, Short’s lips thinned as he once again shook his head no. “I don’t want to rush things. I like what we’ve got.”
“I don’t!”
The words slipped out suddenly, and Short looked as surprised as I felt. A moment’s thought confirmed it, though, and I continued, “I mean, I really like you. You’re fun to spend time with, smart without being nerdy…” I trailed off, not wanting to do the whole cliché of listing all his good points before a criticism. Instead, it was time for a confession: “I hate sleeping alone. Like…” I waved a hoof, trying to dispel just how slutty that sounded. “I’ve got this like heated pillow thing, and that helps, but it’s not the same as knowing that someone’s there.”
“I…” Short crooked his head to the side. “You want me to sleep with you? Like, literally?”
“And in the sexy sense.” I chuckled. “I want the whole package.”
He grinned lightly before it faded. “But, uh… how many stallions have you been with?”
“I dunno. Like, fifty? Sixtyish?”
“Sixty?!” His mouth hung open, and his wide, judgmental eyes seemed to bore a hole in me.
Or maybe that was just the pain I felt.
Far too late, Short righted his face and tried to recover. “I mean... how—er, when?”
“Before I met you,” I cut back. “So if that’s a problem—”
“No!” He shook his head, wide-eyed. “I mean... it’s just... surprising, is all.”
“How?”
“Because you seem... quieter, than that, is all.” He lifted a shoulder.
My glare softened, but I still kept it sharp. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Short flapped his mouth open and shut a few times. Finally, he shook his head. “I... the whole time I’ve known you, you’ve been this quiet mare. I guess you’re a bit more… driven, with the physical side of things, but I…” He trailed off, bobbing his head a little. “I mean, what happened?”
“Does it really affect you, even?” I tilted my head.
He nodded. “I mean, if there’s like a health issue…”
“No.” I shook my head and sighed, and my glare left with my breath. “I was always careful about that.”
He took a few steps towards me and placed a hoof on my shoulder. “Then it doesn’t bother me.”
Weakly, I grinned up at him. “You know, for a while, it bothered me, and I was the one doing it.”
That caused his head to turn. “Then why’d you do it?”
“It was fun. Exciting.” I shrugged. “Dangerous. Some nights, I really, really asked myself that same question, and I hated myself because I couldn’t bring myself to stop.”
Short pursed his lips, but didn’t say anything.
I shook my head. “But that’s all in the past now. I won’t really apologize for it, since I didn’t really do anything wrong, but that doesn’t mean I don’t carry a few regrets.” I blinked and locked eyes with my boyfriend. “And I know it’s not fair to you, but every time you turn me down, every time you just let that distance between us, it’s like there’s a completely new source—”
He pulled me in and kissed me. Our tongues flecked over each others’ at first, and then I pressed farther into him as the embrace continued.
Things only came to an end a few moments later, when Short pulled away for air and whispered, “I’m sorry…”
“Don’t be; you didn’t know.”
He nodded before kissing me on the cheek.
After that, an awkward silence fell over us; it almost felt like we were waiting for each other to say something. At first, I didn’t know what I wanted to say, or what he might be waiting for, but then I chuckled and shook my head. It was obvious.
“Do you want to come in?”
For the first time, Short nodded. “I… uh… yeah. So… lead the way?”
I turned around and lightly smacked his snout with my tail. I might’ve sauntered in a more pronounced manner as I led him through the apartment building’s entrance and up the staircase, but I was okay with that. After our little argument, a little bit of leading would work wonders to get us into the mood.
And as it turned out, Short was pretty decent at following my lead.