It was dark all around me, but dimly lit at the same time when I awoke. It was a strange feeling, drifting between consciousness and unconsciousness. There were voices all around me as I half-dreamt, voices that slipped in and out of focus.
Shut up, it’s Saturday. Five more minutes, Mommy. I thought groggily.
“…did you have to be so mean, though?” The darkness faded, and a slightly fuzzy moving blob of yellow came into view, then just as gradually faded away. I couldn’t tell what it was.
I fought to stay asleep. I was still tired. I wanted to sleep just a little longer.
Purple. There was purple there now, a lighter shade with a few blobs of lighter and darker areas. It came through clearer now; I could just barely make out a shape before it faded back into darkness.
“… just a harmless sleep spell…buy some time…figure out…harmless…… diplomatic approach…whether or not… potentially dangerous… Shadow ponies…”
Wait, shadow ponies? Dangerous? In a split second, I remembered where I was, what had happened just before I was conked out.
That realization jarred me awake. Everything snapped into focus. I could see the room around me. I was still in the library; I guess they hadn’t been quite strong enough to move me. Around me, facing away, were the two multicolored ponies from earlier, plus four more.
There was a pink one with curly hair and a big smile that never seemed to vanish, who was bouncing up and down non-stop. The next one was a white unicorn with curly purple hair and way too much makeup for a horse. The third one was orange and sported a brown Stetson and a blond mane tied up at the end. The last one was a pegasus; sky blue with a short, spiky, rainbow–colored mane. I wondered how long it took that pony to dye it every morning.
They were all standing in a group, apparently in a discussion, their attention away from me. "Look, Fluttershy," Said the blue one, "All I've been saying is that it was the best thing to do to stop this thing before it could do any harm. I mean, without the elements of harmony on our side, who knows what this thing could have done! These shadow ponies are supposed to be evil!"
The purple one gave her a look. "While Rainbow's right that we do need to be cautious, I believe we need to think this through rationally, which is why I cast that spell to put it to sleep. We just need to keep it unconsious until the princess replies to the letter I sent her" She looked down at the floor sheepishly, "Though I'll admit I did act a bit on impulse when seeing it, especially after reading about some of the evil things shadow ponies did in the past..."
Oh, so they magically drugged me. How pleasant.
The orange pony with a cowboy hat spoke up. “Ah know this critter’s s’posed t’ be dangerous an’ all, but don’t you think that’s a little… excessive? Ah mean, all it really did was meet Fluttershy in the forest and come into this here library to read a book,” She looked at the purple one seriously, “Last time ah checked, those things don’t necs’sarily make somethin’ ‘Evil.’”
Yes, listen to the orange one. She sounds like she’s got a good head on her shoulders. I urged. The purple one and the blue one looked amongst each other, not looking entirely convinced.
I opened my mouth to say something, but all that came out was “Ihmnharglagurfmhgah.” What I had actually meant to say was “I’m not evil, you morons,” but when I started to move my lips and tongue, they responded sluggishly and only made half the movements I intended them to. They felt like they were made out of lead.
No, scratch that, my entire BODY felt like it was made of lead. I could barely move my index fingers; it was like some invisible force was keeping me pinned down. Couldn’t move, and I couldn’t talk. Well this was turning out just perfect.
What's more, my half-gurgled response only succeeded in bringing everyone's gaze uncomfortably on me. Suddenly I was at the center of attention, which wasn't a very nice thing, as their looks did not seem very flattering.
“You’re all being so silly!” the pink one said, zipping up to me at a near-impossible speed, “Why don’t you just ask her? She’s awake now, and it’d be much simpler than just sitting around arguing like this! After all, you said that this shadow pony said something to you in the forest, right Fluttershy?" She looked at the yellow one with a big grin, who nodded in response.
The purple one looked at me inquisitively. “Uh, Pinkie, I’m not quite sure she’s able to right now… the immobilization spell is rather thorough when it comes to voluntary movement...”
The yellow one pitched in. “We should at least give it a chance, like we did with Discord…”
The purple one paused, putting its hoof against its muzzle as though thinking. “Well, the spell I cast on it SHOULD keep it immobile so it can’t hurt anypony… I’d just have to make some alterations to the existing spell and reinforce it before it wears off…” she trailed off.
“And besides!” Piped in the pink one cheerfully, “You can always just zap her to sleep again if she gives us any trouble!”
The white one looked at the pink one inquisitively, “Darling, what makes you so sure this is a girl?”
The pink one paused and looked at the white one. “I dunno. It’s just a feeling I get.”
The purple one stepped forward. “All right, I’ll trust your judgment. But if it looks like it-she- is going to try anything, I’m putting her back to sleep, got it?” All the ponies nodded in response. The blue one, who had looked like she was about to protest, frowned, but gave a begrudging nod.
The purple one stepped forward, her face scrunched up in concentration, and lowered her horn against my forehead. It glowed a soft purple. It was much less blinding than the laser beam of death she had shot at me before, but I still ended up flinching as much as my immobilized body would allow. After a few moments the horn’s light cut off and she stepped back. I worked my jaw, getting used to the freedom of being able to move it.
Then I spoke up.
“It’s about freaking time, you sack of shit!”
Oh yes, I was making an excellent first impression. Or second impression. Whatever, you get the idea. The sad fact was, being blatantly rude to my captors was the first in a long, long, long string of very poor decisions.
In my defense, I didn't exactly have the best impression of them either. I had been blasted and screamed at on sight, and the way I saw it, they were basically judging me based on my appearance. Just like every other human I've ever met, I scoffed bitterly, And I actually let myself believe for a moment that you ponies might be any different.
In case it wasn’t blatantly obvious by now, I was not a very happy girl. I had been called evil at least fifty times now, magically bound, gagged, drugged, blasted, and had to listen to them talk about what a ‘big bad dangerous bad guy’ I was. So, yeah, I was kinda taking it out on them.
The ponies flinched back, and the white one with too much makeup gasped dramatically, threw her hoof to her forehead, and outright fainted on a fancy red couch that appeared out of nowhere. The orange and yellow ones cried out her name and rushed to her aid, and the blue one glared at me furiously. The ponies had obviously not been expecting that kind of reaction. Or perhaps it was my foul mouth they were reacting to. Either way, the blue one flew up to me, getting right in my face. “What’d you just say, you punk?”
Oh, how cute, little miss rainbow butt is trying to act all tough and intimidate me! I thought. How utterly naive and pathetic.
“You heard me, you blue bitch.” I spat with a sneer, making extra sure some spittle landed on her face.
The blue one’s face contorted in anger, “Why you-!” She was cut off when a purple hoof came to rest on her shoulder, or whatever the heck equated for a shoulder on a flying blue horse.
The purple pony shook her head. “Rainbow, stop. I’m sure there’s some reason for her animosity towards us.”
“Oh, like you’re one to talk! Getting blasted by a purple death beam isn’t exactly fun you know.” I glared at the purple pony.
The purple pony grimaced, obviously not happy with my badmouthing.“With all due respect, the book on shadow ponies says…”
“Oh pthhhb!” I spat a razzberry for emphasis. “I know what the freaking book says! Don’t you think I could hear you yammering on about it when I came here? How I'll have to be 'dealt with soon'?”
Had I been less peeved about being held captive by a bunch of ponies for simply existing, I would have noticed that I had just openly revealed that I had, in a way, been spying on them and how suspicious that made me. I would have noticed that the purple one (oh, yeah, now I remember-her name was Twilight) narrowed her eyes at me in response to my remark. I was really digging my own grave with this conversation.
"Uh huh..." remarked Twilight. She looked like she was about to say something else when a green and purple lizard walking on its hind legs came downstairs. "Hey Twilight!" it called in a decidedly male voice, albeit kind of childlike. He flew down the stairs as fast as his little legs could carry him, waving around a rolled up piece of paper with a ribbon tied around it.
I just stared at the spectacle. You know what? I'm not even going to say anything on this one. I conceded.
The over-sized lizard froze upon seeing me, but handed the piece of paper to Twilight. “I just got the reply from Princess Celestia…” he continued.
"Thank you, Spike," she replied, to which the lizard nodded. She picked it up with her telekinesis and unrolled it.
“Ooh, what’s it say, what’s it say!?” cried the pink pony, zipping up to the letter before I could blink. Damn that pink one is FAST.
Twilight nodded at the pink one and began reading aloud.
“Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,” I snorted, but she continued, ignoring me.
“I was honestly rather surprised when you wrote me about your predicament. As you know, Shadow ponies are reportedly dangerous, but I have no idea what to think of this strange new offshoot. Nevertheless, I think it’s best if I let you handle this situation. I trust your judgment and ability to resolve this without a crisis. You’ve proven yourself capable many times already.
Regardless, if you think you need my assistance at any time, feel free to send me a letter, and I’ll be happy to help.
Sincerely,
Princess Celestia.”
Twilight rolled up the yellowed parchment and floated it over to the big round table, where she left it sitting. The lizard went back upstairs, muttering something about lost sleep. “What on earth do ya think that was all about?” asked the orange one.
Princess Twilight Sparkle (ha ha, I can't believe how ridiculously, stereotypically girly that sounds) looked around the room, making eye contact with every pony in the room. “I believe this means it is our duty to ascertain whether or not this creature is evil.”
“And dole out some flank-kicking if she tries anything,” added the blue one, bucking into the air for emphasis.
"F%^* you." I spat at the blue one.
Twilight shot both me and her a look, as though not sure who to be more frustrated with, but remarked, “Yes, I suppose, but only if it comes to that.”
"So Princes Sparkle-butt, what normally constitutes as a bad guy for you people?” I grinned, adding a mocking, sarcastic tone, “Oh no! Badboy McSparkebutt just littered! Right after he jaywalked! To the candy cane jail with him for a stern talk and a time-out!”
Princess Twilight Sparkle shot me a look, but gave what I assumed was her very best dignified reply. “I don’t know what kind of idea of evil you have, but anything that threatens to shatter the peace and harmony of Equestria will be dealt with harshly.”
The blue one stared at me sternly, her words a very thinly veiled threat. Obviously these ponies knew nothing of subtlety. “Discord was trapped in stone for a thousand years for his evil. Nightmare Moon was banished to the moon for hers. If you try anything…”
That successfully shut me up. I gulped. Yeek. I didn’t expect that kind of hardcore punishment. I was getting less and less confident with my situation by the minute. It didn’t help that their description of what evil was incredibly vague. For all I knew, being a bit grouchy one morning could be a capital offense. They had been pretty quick to blast me for entering this home unannounced.
This is bullshit! They’re going to judge me unfairly… I thought, realizing the desperation of my situation. They’re insane. They’ll trap me in stone forever. I can’t let this happen, won’t allow this happen, I’ll destroy them all before they get the chance-!
I had to stop myself right there. Panicking wouldn’t do me any good. I wasn’t about to be trapped as a lawn ornament for ten times longer than I ever expected to live for. I had to get out of here, and fast. I began working my brain overtime to formulate an escape plan.
Step one: I needed to buy myself some time. The best way to do that, I decided, is to act compliant. Play along with their little game. Answer some questions; ask a few if I needed to.
“Okay then…” I said, carefully withholding all curse words. “I guess we should start with introductions then..?”
“But, um, first, let me sit up so we can talk face to face!” I added quickly. I tried moving a little, carefully veiling my actions as an attempt to sit upright. I still couldn’t move, so there was no way I would be able to just jump and bolt, plus I had no idea as to the upper weight limits of their telekinesis. I’m going to need a way to distract them. “Uh, a little help here please?”
Twilight smiled, obviously pleased with my sudden display of civility. “Of course. Here, give me a moment...” Her horn glowed purple for a moment, and a whole row of books on the shelf was enveloped in the same purple aura. They turned over into a vertical stack, and I felt my torso being lifted upright as the books settled down behind me. I fell back against the books, which, surprisingly, held my weight. Note to self: unicorn telekinesis is really strong, or at the very least Twilight’s is.
“Now, as I’m sure you already know, I am Twilight Sparkle. These are my friends: Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash.” She gestured to the pink, orange, white, yellow, and blue one, respectively. She turned to me. “Now, I’m sure you understand that I’ll have to ask you some questions…”
“I’ll be happy to answer them!” I piped, with a cheeriness that anyone who knew me would know was very unusual for me. “By the way, you can call me…” I trailed off. Should I stick with my real name, or go with something else? Some stories with magic in them had ways of controlling others if you knew their real name. For all I knew, they could have a Death Note. No, I needed an alias…
I took a long moment to think before finishing. “...Abyss. Call me Abyss.” Yes that sounds sufficiently badass, I mused with a grin.
The orange pony, Applejack as I now knew her, nodded with satisfaction. “Seems like y’all’ve got a handle on this. If ya don’t mind, Twi, I’ve got some chores left to do back on the farm, so if y’all will excuse me…”
“Goodness!” Rarity, I think she was called, exclaimed, “I just remembered, I’ve got a new shipment of fabrics coming in! Oh, Twilight, I hope you don’t mind, I’ve been simply dying to try out some new designs…”
Fluttershy added, “I need to go home and feed Angel…”
“Ooh! And I’ve got to go plan out a ‘Welcome to Ponyville and yay for not being totally evil’ party for Abyss!” cried Pinkie, dashing out the door before any of the others could stop her or say anything in response. She doesn’t even realize I’m not going to be staying here too much longer with you crazy ponies… I mused. Too bad, might’ve actually been a pretty killer party.
Twilight nodded. “It’s fine. I think I can handle it, but I’ll call you if you if I need you.” I almost laughed out loud right then and there. Unbelievable! How trusting and naive these ponies are!
And with that, the other three left, leaving only me, Twilight, and Rainbow Dash in the room. She looked at Rainbow Dash. “Rainbow, are you planning on leaving too?”
Rainbow snorted. “Nah, I think I‘ll hang around here a bit longer. I still don’t quite trust Abyss,” she said, giving me the stinkeye. Oh I really wished I could have flipped her off right then. Still, I’ve gotta hand it to her, she’s got a lot more sense than the others…
Twilight nodded. “All right, then. So to start,” she said, turning to me with a piece of parchment and an old quill pen floating in midair in front of her, “How exactly do you feel about the state of Equestria, and ponies in general? What are you, and is it true that shadow ponies were once average ponies corrupted by a dark force?” Her eyes held a look about them, much like those of a curious young child.
I was struck by the sheer bluntness of her statements. “I, um, uh…” I stuttered, before regaining my composure. “Look, I’ve never heard of Equestria before now. Is this some new country way off the map? Where I’m from, I’ve never heard of any nation with talking technicolor ponies.”
She stopped, and looked at me in surprise. “You mean you’re not from Equestria?”
“No. Could you explain this whole pony and magic business to me?” I asked.
I regretted asking almost instantly. I ended up getting an hour-and-a-half lecture about the intricacies of pony society that would have given most of my college professors a run for their money. When it was over, I notice Rainbow conked out on the floor, snoring loudly. I did manage to figure out a few things: I wasn’t exactly in America anymore, and I had my doubts whether this was even Earth I was on. Equestria was where ponies of three kinds lived under the rule of a diarchy, with two alicorns (which was apparently what Twilight was). How the hell was I supposed to get back home now?
I sighed. “Geez, people back home would never believe this crazy story… the part abut magic alone would get me laughed out of the state.”
“There are more of your kind?” Twilight exclaimed in surprise and more than a little worry.
“Yeah,” I said quickly, realizing I had said something wrong, “but, uh, not exactly in this state, I mean! We’re called ‘humans,’ and… I guess it would make sense that you’ve never heard of us before. I’m not even sure where home is anymore. I don’t know about any ‘dark force’ but that would kind of explain my situation a bit… especially this whole 'new magic' part...”
I frowned. I was forgetting something… What was it? It suddenly clicked in my head. I had been so caught up in this whole pony craziness, I’d forgotten what I’d started this conversation for. Distraction. I still had to get out of here.
“If you don’t mind, could you tell me what you ‘humans’ are like? What do you think about them?” Twilight asked, scratching something down on her parchment.
My expression darkened. I twitched. War, famine, racism, I recalled with a scowl, I have nothing nice to say about humanity. Always cheating you, always looking down on you... I’m sick of it! Sick of them all! The more I thought about my dealings with people, the angrier I became. Perhaps it was, in part, because of my mood just before I was thrown into Equestria. Humanity hadn’t exactly left a very nice last impression.
My earlier fears of whether I could get home or not were washed away. I didn’t care if I never went back or not. I’ll be just fine without them! “I don’t care about them…” I muttered.
“Pardon? Could you please repeat that?” Twilight asked, straining to hear me over Rainbow's loud snoring.
I exploded. “I said I want nothing more to do with them! They can all just go to hell!!!” I screamed at the peak of my rage. Looking back on it, the sudden burst of anger seems almost unnatural. Like my usual frustration was being amplified. Normally the way others acted never wound me up so much; I would just scoff or curse under my breath and hole myself up somewhere quiet for a while.
Something happened in that instant. I don’t know whether it was instinct or anger that activated it, or the fact that I snapped. But somehow, in that instant, every shadow in the room leapt up and slammed themselves against the ground at once. Nothing was damaged, but it still shook the entire room with tremendous force. Rainbow’s eyed shot open “Wha- Who? What’s going on?!” she screamed.
That shocked me enough to partially snap me out of my rage. I realized what I had just done. The shadows retracted back to their original states. Rainbow eyed me suspiciously. I gathered up every last ounce of the shits I had to give about civility and, as politely and sheepishly as I could manage, squeaked out “I-I’m sorry, I’m still not sure how to control that…” I finished it off with an apologetic look at the floor.
Terror sunk in. I had just made a huge mistake. I had no idea how my little fit was going to go over. I really hadn’t meant to, and I hadn’t even had any idea that was something I could do. Was I going to get turned into a statue?
Finally, after a long pause, Twilight nodded. “I understand. It took me a long time to learn to control my magic, and from what I understand, magic is relatively new to you.”
I smiled. Ha ha! Look at me, I’m a master actress! I thought, pleased with how easily they had bought into my performance. What’s more, my little stunt from before had given me an idea. It might work, but I still need a way to keep them busy…
“Okay, I think I’ve heard enough!” Twilight said suddenly, finishing whatever she was writing down on her parchment. “I think I can trust that you don’t intend any harm to anypony.”
“What? But how do you know this isn’t some trick? She could have been acting this entire time! And what about that shadow magic, huh? You saw what she did earlier!” protested Rainbow.
“That’s why she’s going to be kept under close observation until she both learns how to control her powers and knows how to adapt to pony society. And when that happens, she might be able to help with Equestria’s defense in the element’s absence,” Twilight said with finality.
For a brief second, hope filled my chest, and I almost considered letting this happen. Join a new society and never have to deal with people again. Then realization hit me: But that would mean being like a lab animal. Being used by them like a tool, by the sound of things, a SLAVE. They would never accept me as their equal, look how the blue one looks at me even now. They’ll never accept me.
“Besides,” Twilight smiled, turning to me, “You won’t want to miss one of Pinkie Pie’s parties. There’s sweets, games, music…”
Suddenly, I smiled. A very, dark, toothy smile that probably looked fifty times scarier than normal due to my new facial features. “I’m sorry, Twilight,” I said slowly, my voice low.
Twilight regarded me cautiously. “For what?” she asked.
There were two things I had figured out that Twilight was unaware of in that instant. The first was that I still had control of my powers, even if not my body. I had tested it out a little while no one was looking and found that I could still sink into shadows I was touching. Which, in this case, was the shadow of the stack of books I was leaning against. The second part concerned my voice.
You see, some girls were blessed with the melodious singing voice of an angel. They could match any tone you could throw at them and still make it sound, at the very least mildly marvelous.
There were people who had average voices. They were sometimes a bit tone-deaf, but could still manage to make the noises they made sound at least somewhat like a song.
There were people who were bad at singing, completely tone deaf in every way imaginable, and could never, ever ever ever EVER make it into any organized choir worth its salt.
And then... there was me.
I had the disharmonious singing voice of a thousand screeching demons from the pits of hell screaming directly in your ear. I was so bad, that I was blacklisted from every karaoke bar around town to the point that I wasn't allowed to come within five feet from any of them. This, my friend, was my secret weapon: my God-awful singing voice.
The third thing was that, if I remembered correctly, Equines had much, much better hearing than humans, which would make any horrible noise they heard that much more painful. All this added up into my escape plan.
I smiled sickly. “I’m afraid that becoming part of your little pony society isn’t on my agenda.” And with that, I took a deep breath and began to sing.
“TWIIIIINKLE TWIIIIIIINNNNNKLEEEE LIIIIIIIIIIIIIITLE STAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!” I shrieked at the top of my lungs.
Twilight and Rainbow fell to the ground and pressed their forehooves to their ears, quivering in pain. “DEAR SWEET CELESTIA, MAKE IT STOP!” Rainbow shrieked.
I sunk into the shadows. Twilight saw me, and weakly reached out with her forehoof, “W-Wait!”
“HOOOOOOW IIIIIIIIIII WOOOOONDEEEEER WHAAAAAAAAAT YOOOOOOUUUUU AAAAAAAAREEEEEE!!!” I continued my song of pain, and she clenched he hooves harder against her ears, trying in vain to drown out the horrible noise.
I zipped under the door and sped off as fast as I could go, and only stopped singing once I was sure I was out of earshot.