“Um...say what?”
I stared at the old man before me, raising an eyebrow as high as it can go to express my skeptical confusion at what he'd just told me.
“What, did you not hear me? I was certain I had spoke loud enough for my words to have reached those little ears of yours,' the old man regarded me with shimmering amusement in his eyes. He sat across the table from me in the little game shop, and boy was he a sight!
He sat in the chair with one leg crossed over a knee, leaning forward in our conversation with the kind of interest that I'd describe as either disturbing or unsettling... yeah, probably both. He wore a strange sequin suit of multiple colors, the torso of the jacket being mostly a dark brown, with a splotch of purple and blue on his sides, closer towards his back. The left sleeve of the sequin jacket was a golden yellow, like the kind you'd see on a eagle's claw, the right sleeve was a light tan. The tail of the coat was a rich brick red, and the way the material sparkled under the overhead lights made me think of a dragon's scales. The sequin pants were the same, with the left leg a darker tan than the jacket sleeve, more of a milk chocolate, while the right was a grass green. To add to this loony ensemble, the old man wore mismatched shoes. The left shoe looked to be a boot with a really thick sole, I think they're called 'platform shoes'? Anyway, he also wore a high-heel on his right foot, and I was appalled to find he pulled it off very well.
“No, I heard you, I definitely heard you, dude,' I sighed, rubbing the side of my jaw. The looked up into his strange looking face. I couldn't help be think he looked kind of familiar....” I just was caught off by that joke.”
“Hmm? While I love a good joke as much as the next guy, I'm afraid I didn't mean it in any way to be taken as one,' he glanced down and took interest in his nails as he talked. “Besides, it wasn't even remotely funny, so I don't see why you'd make such a mistake. Now, if you want to hear a joke, I got a really killer one about the a genie and a banana cream pie....”
I forced a grin. “I'm sure it's just hilarious, but I'm not really interested in any jokes right now...” I said calmly and with an apologetic tone.
The old guy frowned, then shrugged as if it didn't matter one way or the other. “Have it your way.' he said, sounding like he was getting bored of the conversation. “Now, do I need to repeat myself or did you decide to take me up on my offer yet, hmm?”
I leaned over the table, propping up on my elbows and resting my chin on the palms of my hand. He couldn't possibly be serious about what he just said, nobody is that far gone and deluded, are they? My eyebrows came together, scrunching up as I set a level gaze at the guy.
“The offer to send me to Equestria...” I said carefully, trying to seize this guy up. My brown eyes meet his weird yellow, bloodshot ones. I swear he looks so familiar, I just can't remember where I remember him from... Maybe we met at a convention? The might be it. He did just come up out of the blue and struck up a conversation about My Little Pony with a random person he'd never spoke to before. Comb my brain as I might for any other possible explanations, and unfortunately I pulled up a blank. There was just no way he'd know I was a brony otherwise. I had walked into Muse Comics and Games about two hours ago, around noon on a Wednesday, to get my monthly fix of comics. I'd bought my favorite superhero mags and took them to the gaming area in the back of the store to sit and ride them. I was pretty big, a good 5'11” with broad, broad shoulders and shaggy head of brown hair and beard that made me look like Grizzly Adams. I was wearing my AC/DC hoodie and had rolled my sleeves up to flaunt me sinewy arms in the chance that the cute girl at the counter would check me out( not gonna lie, I am pretty nervous when I like a girl, and my go to had been to try to get them to notice me by giving a free 'gunshow'....It's embarrassing to think about, but shut up, I'm desperate kay?) when the old man had seemingly appeared out of nowhere, asked to sit down and idly mentioned something about the new season of Friendship is Magic. We got to talking after that, sharing our favorite ponies and favorite moments. We debated the quality of the 3rd season, a nightmare of a topic that most bronies seem to be 50/50 on, we started laughing about the plot holes and mistakes made by the characters, and so on and so forth. It was a really good conversation too, the old guy really knew his stuff (That gave me a sense of deja vu, that sentence....I'd heard something like it before......).
“Yes, that's the very one I'm talking about. Good, it seems you do listen after all,' the guy chuckled, using a long nail on one finger to pick at his teeth about this one particularly large canine that hung over his lower lip. It was like that one tooth was to big for the guy's mouth and had no choice but to stay exposed to the world, away from the comfort of all his little teeth comrades and friends and family.... It made me conscious of my own choppers, which I ran my tongue over from the privacy of a closed mouth. Everything felt alright to me... “Now, what do you say? It's within my power to let you experience Equestria for yourself. “
I watched the man for a second before responding. “That would be great...if it actually existed. Which it doesn't' I stated firmly, both to the poor deluded man in front of me, and also to my own over-active imagination that had started to get me excited. “The world of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic isn't real, so it's impossible for you to send me there.”
“Oh please, sometimes I get so tired of hearing things like that,' the gentleman before me made no effort to hide the roll of his eyes. “Nothing in life is truly impossible, my young brony friend, as long as you keep an open mind.”
“Science would disagree with you...” I pointed out. Science had proven that some things just weren't ever going to happen. Not that I knew the exact way it said so, but I did know that I couldn't go dimension hopping like that.
“Oh, science shmience!' he waved his hand in a dismissive way, snorting at the word. “I've proven science wrong so many times in my life, I'm surprised Science hasn't hung it's head in shame and embarrassment by now. No, my intelligent young man, Equestria is as real as you or me. Ponyville is a real place, Canterlot is a wonderful city, and of course, the ponies are real. Twilight Sparkle is really a magical princess egghead, Applejack is an honest, hardworking mare who farms the best tasting apples you'll ever eat, Rainbow Dash is really as loyal and full of herself and her speed as the show says, Pinkie Pie is...well, Pinkie Pie, Rarity really does own a fashionable clothing shop, and dear, sweet Fluttershy is just as adorable and kind and timid as the all the fanboys love her to be. And you could meet them easily, with my help.”
I'd be lying if I said a little spark of hope didn't flicker into my heart as I listened to the smooth voice of this old chap....Gosh, he really sounds like someone I've seen on TV....A character from Star Trek, I think? Anyway, the way he spoke of the world of Equestria, though it was sparse of detail and short, he really sounded sincere in his explanation...he sounded so sure of what he was saying, that my favorite show real existed, in some place somewhere. It sounded really good, too....I bit my lip. It was clear I was struggling with my desires and my rational mind.
“But...that can't be true.” I said finally.
“And why not?” he asked innocently.
“Because it's not real.”
He smirked. “And who's to say this is?”
I blinked twice at that, and gaped up at the man. “What?”
“How can we tell, really, what's real and what isn't real, hm? Who's to say that this world exists at all? Maybe this is all just a dream? Maybe this life full of science and physics and mankind is the cartoon, made for the entertainment of the foals of My Little Pony, to give them something to watch and learn life lessons and morals from? How do we define 'existence'?” he argued. I smiled, because I was mostly awake during class when we discussed this back in high school.
“Something exists if it is witnessed, if I'm not mistaken,' I said in my own words, because honestly I couldn't remember anything scientific and defining after all these years. “Therefore, by playing witness to you and the stuff around me, I can determine this is real.”
I crossed my arms smugly and leaned back in my chair. Aw yeah, I got you, dude! Let's see you come back from that.
He chuckled. “And you watch the show, do you?”
I frowned, confused. “Uh..yeah, we talked about that.”
“So, would you say you...'witnessed' the episodes of the show?”
“Yeah.”
“So by your logic, and correct me if I'm wrong,' he started, making me realize what I'd just admitted to. “if the only defining thing that allows something to exist is by being witnessed by another living being, then would that not mean that the world of My Little Pony would exist? Be your definition?”
I hesitated. “Well.....I guess technically.....that interpretation of what I said could be...valid...' my words came out cautiously, as if a wrong word would jump back around and bite me. “But!-”
“But nothing, my dear boy! We've established that Equestria exists, and since it exists, you can indeed visit it, now can't you?' he cut me off, a smug expression on his face. He stood up. “Now, since you can visit it, that means I can send you there, and since I can send you there, you can simply agree to my offer and enjoy the ride, as it were.”
He leaned over the table and put his strange face intensely close to mine, making me flinch back a bit. “Well?” he sang, expectantly, a wide smile forming on his face.
“....okay, let's say, for the sake of argument, I believe that what you say is true; that Equestria actually exists and you have the power, somehow, to send me there... Why would you do that for me?” I expressed one of my concerns about this offer. Not admitting anything here, just trying to keep an open mind and all....
His smile grew bigger and his eyes danced with merriment. “Why not?' he answered jovially.
I sighed. “What, you telling me you're just bored and sending people to mystic land of ponies and friendship to stave it off?” my question hit the air with a deadpan flair to it. Very proud of how developed my deadpan has become, so very dry and sarcastic. A good combo, if I do say so myself.
“That's right.' he said, a genuine happiness to his voice.
Hm....well okay then...
I stroked my furry chin with a contemplative hand, and my brow furrowed in thought. If this guy did, by some way granted by God(or Celestia, as it were), have the power to send me to Equestria, and I accepted, I had to wonder what I'd end up as. I was not a fool, I'd read enough fanfics about humans being sent to Equestria, and not all of them had the human get to keep their form. A lot of them, more often than not, were turned into something else.
Heck, I think the worst one was what happened to the guy in that one fanfic, where he got turned into a Diamond Dog. Sure, he eventually owned it as his own and got by well after a bit, but I don't know if I have the emotional fortitude to suffer through that like he did. So, I need to be very careful about this.
“Will I be a human when I get there?” I asked him, thoughtfully.
“Unfortunately, do to some laws of dimension traveling or something like that, you will have to change into something that actually exists in the world naturally.' he replied. I didn't quite believe him, not completely. He had an air about him that suggested he could send me there as a human, but for some reason he didn't want to, thus the weak reason.
“Alright, that's fine I guess...' he seemed satisfied that I acquiesced. “But, I don't want to be something random! I want to be a pony....I know! Can you make me my OC?” My face lit up at the idea. Oh, that'd be sweet if I got to be one of my own characters! And I knew just the one to be too. I'd be my character Ferty, a laid-back Earth pony with a love of watermelons and the means to grow them. I grinned as I remembered the times I roleplayed as the stallion with fondness. Really wish I could've remembered my password for his Twitter account....
“I can certainly make you an original character, with all the backstory and established relationships intact.' he laughed, puffing his chest up in a proud manner. Awesome! So, that means the characters I met during my roleplay would recognize Ferty? That'd be awesome! That would really make the trip that much more easy and fun. A fantasy ran through my head, of my big strong Earth pony with the red coat, purple mane and blue sunglasses hanging out with the friends he made, joking around with a pony as cool as Vinyl Scratch, or having friendly fruit selling competitions with Applejack. I couldn't wait!
“Yes! Okay, yes, I'll take you up on the offer if you can do that!' I said with much excitement, and stuck out my hand to shake on it. “Deal?”
The old man chuckled and I could've sworn his eyes flashed with a malicious intent as he gripped my hand in his. “Deal.' he said simply.
“This is gonna be super awesome! Thank you so much,' I nodded at him, my hopes up to really high levels.
“You're very welcome, my friend...' he purred, still holding onto my hand. I tried to pull my hand back, but his grip was like a steel trap. Suddenly, I was starting to get nervous, my palms were sweating....wait, that wasn't because of my nerves....the man's hand started to emit such heat that I was afraid my hand might melt. I started to struggle, trying with all my might to pry my hand from his strong mitt. “Have a fun trip, and remember: You asked for it~' He whispered, before bursting into a cackle. My eyes widened in surprise, as the heat grew to an intolerable level, causing me to hiss through my teeth in pain. I finally managed to wrench my hand from the stranger's grip and looked at my hand, to assess how badly I was burnt.
My breath caught in my throat.
The tips of my fingers had turned an ash gray, and slowly started to crumble away. The grey color slowly worked its way up fingers, as I watched in abject horror as I disintegrated in real time. I let out a surprised yelp of pain, as I held up my other hand, seeing the same process starting their. My mind raced and tried to think up away to get out of it. Who should I call to fix this? Ghostbusters? The Sorcerer Hunters? Doctor Who? Heck, I'd take help from the freaking Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles at this point, as long as they could help me! My heart raced faster and faster, convinced I was going to die.
I was going to die. That had to be what was happening.
And it's my own fault, too! I let my fanboy optimism and my stupid imagination make me believe this murderer in brony's clothing, thinking I was going to go to the land of milk and honey, but instead I'm going to the afterlife. Son of a bitch.
Not much was left of me at that point, my head and part of my upper torso was all that was left. I found my eyes drawn to the man, who still stood there, watching these happenings with a sick enjoyment. He wiggled his fingers at me in a taunting manner and I glared hard at him. That bastard, I'll get him back some how... I will haunt this mofo like a boss! Look forward to a ghost-infested wherever-you-live, you old goat! Vengeance shall be mine!
My eyes widened, as a thought hit me just before I was completely eaten up. That asshole did this before the new episode on Saturday! Damn it! How cruel is life going to-
I lay in an infinite void of black. I felt nothing. I thought nothing. I was nothing. There was nothing all around me, and I was at peace.
“Wake up...”
Huh? Was that a voice?
“Honey, wake up...”
Nah, it couldn't be. I couldn't be hearing things, I was dead. The only way I could have been hearing something in the afterlife was if I actually believed in an afterlife, which obviously I didn't, so there for there was no possible way that I was hearing anything. I was dead. I was nothing. Food for the worms, baby. That's all we are once we kick the bucket. And I did indeed kick the bucket, there's just no amount of medical attention in the world that can fix 'turned into ash and faded away'. I don't care how far technology has come. There's just no way!
I felt something hard, yet soft at the same time, poke me in my side. I wiggled around in my state of death, and groaned my protest to the prodding whatever it was. Geez, can't a guy get any peace after he was vaporized?
“Come on, sweetie, time to get up,' the voice was more distinct now. It sounded rather angelic, with a bit of a husky tone it, a very pleasing feminine sound. “We're almost at there, we're going to have to get off the train soon.”
“Ah, just let the poor girl sleep, Dusk.' a new voice piped in. It was clearly male, and sounded a bit raspy. “We got another good thirty minutes or so, she can nap till then. ' the voice yawned. “Kid's got the right idea...”
I tried to process what I had heard, but my mind was finding it hard to give a damn. It was as if my head was full of tapioca pudding and my brain had to swim through it to focus on any thought. I wiggled and rolled over onto my side, subconsciously noting how akward my body felt now.
“She's slept the whole trip, Sunflash,' the female voice protested, taking on the familiar tone of “I'm the woman and I'm right' that many ladies took with their husbands. I assumed the voices were married, anyway... it was hard to think with my pudding brain. It also sounded like they had a daughter, apparently. “At this rate, she's going to be up all night and throw her sleep schedule out of whack.”
The male voice didn't respond with words, though I heard some hearty snoring. The female, “Dusk” apparently, sighed.
I wiggled around again as the prodding started up again. “Kiwi, wake up. Right now, young lady.” Dusk said, her tone leaving little room for negotiation.
“Can't, dead' I murmured in a voice different from my own. I was going to roll over again, but I froze. Maybe it was because of the lilting girl voice I had just spoken in, or maybe it was the weird protrusion sticking out from my shoulders, but I suddenly realized that several things were wrong. For one, I realized I was very much alive. I was breathing and everything. So, cool, yeah that was a plus. I had expected to be dead though, so I considered it to be wrong. But whatever.
I opened my eyes and sprang upright. I looked about me, and realized that I was indeed on a moving train. I was standing up on one of the benches, my feet sinking slightly into the comfortable red velvet cushions that a glance up and down the car told me was attached to each bench.
My heart rate increased, and I breathed quickly as I finally noticed the passengers on the train with me. Little equine figures littered much of the booths along the car, some sitting on their haunches and looking out the window at the colorful hillsides passing by, some were napping, others were traveling in groups, talking and laughing. Everywhere I looked, a rainbow of pastel colors shot out at me. The train and it's inhabitants looked very much like the show. The world seemed rather cartoony, I had squinted at the other passengers and was amused to find that the ponies had outlines! Outlines! Not much more cartoony than that! And the strange thing was, it looked good. I was in awe at the lush detail and beauty of the things around me. The show does not do the visuals justice. It was just....there was no definite way to describe how great and wondrous everything looked. How natural it was in it's own universe. I felt the urge to salute the beauty around me, but luckily I managed to keep my hoof down.
Wait...
I blinked and glanced down at myself and a squeak of a gasp emitted from my throat, much to my later embarrassment. Instead of the light peach tone of a human hand I had originally expected, there was a lime green hoof staring back at me. I opened and closed my mouth dumbly, and looked all over me. I craned my neck over a shoulder and saw my small pegasus body. I couldn't get a good view though.
“Kiwi, honey...are you alright? What's wrong?” the voice spoke to me, in concern. I turned my head to the source and was dumbstruck by the sight. Sitting on the bench next to me was quite possibly the most beautiful mare ever seen before. She had a long, luscious, silky mane of a mango orange, with a matching tail, both immaculately taken care of. Her coat was a pineapple yellow, brushed to perfection, her whole body seemed to shine, even her cutie mark of a spotlight. Her face had such a gorgeous appearance, and not a bit of make-up adorned her lovely features. Her bright malachite eyes were big pools of color, brimming with intelligence and an alluring promise of some kind. Even her look of worry as she stared back at me was flawless, accented by her horn and beauty mark under her right eye.
A loud snore brought me to snap my head to the bench across from us, and my eyes widened again. At least they were getting a good workout.
Laying draped across the whole bench in a less than flattering pose, was pony I recognized. That blue coat, that spikey mane, those wings. Instantly, my mind went back to the episode were the mane six explained how they got their cutie-marks. I remembered the Rainbow Dash foal in the flashback, sitting on this stallions shoulders. It was Rainbow Dash's father/brother! I don't know! The jury was still out on this guy in the brony community. Some people thought he was her older brother, some people thought he was her dad. It depended heavily on each person's own 'fanon'.
I turned my attention back to the mare besides me.
“Uh...um, w-where is the bathroom on this thing?” I asked hesitantly.
The gorgeous mare blinked twice and pointed a hoof down the aisle past me. “It's at the end of the car, there on the right dear.' she said, seemingly over the strangeness I just exhibited. “Are you gonna be okay?” She regarded me with a motherly concern.
I forced a big smile, showing my pearly whites. “O-ofcourse! Just...gotta use the restroom, that's all. Don't worry...heh heh,' I reassured her nervously. She raised a skeptic eyebrow, but said nothing.
Carefully I slid off the seat, and lowered onto all fours. I concentrated hard, I had to do this right or risk giving the nice lady pony reason to worry. Just one hoof at a time. Right front, right back, left front, left back, good so far. I wobbled for just a second, and there was a moment were my coordination faltered and I almost tripped, but with my mind on the task I quickly made it to the designated bathroom.
The door looked a lot like an airplane bathroom, the little sign currently read “Vacant”. I blinked and wondered for a moment how I was able to read that, and for that matter was able to speak the language, but decided that that's a worry for another time.
I walked into the little room, and pushed the door closed behind me. With a bit of effort, I managed to turn the latch and lock the door behind me(found out brass tasted nasty in the process,yuck!).
The bathroom was very small, as would be expected. It was no bigger than the average closet, with just enough room to fit a toilet and sink into, with a bit of room to move around.
I looked to the toilet, and looked in it to sate my curiosity. The rapidly moving railroad track zoomed by below me and I shuddered. So, if someone did their business, it would end up like a drunk hobo would if they slept on the tracks of an oncoming train. I turned my head from the porcelain throne and rid my head of those gruesome thoughts.
I trotted the few feet from the toilet to the seat, and stood up on my hind legs, balancing my front hooves on the counter. The was a mirror pinned to the wall just behind the sink's faucet, and I looked into it. A young, cute pegasus filly stared back at me with the same expression of anxiety I was wearing. I looked to be about the same age as the Cutie-Mark Crusaders. My thin face frowned, taking note of a familiar pair of malachite colored eyes staring back at me.
“So she's my mother, I'm guessing...' I muttered to myself, lifting my chin up and turning my head from side to side. My coat was lime green and my mane was an emerald. I flexed some muscles in my back until I found the ones that controlled my wings. I spread them out, and noticed just how big they were on such a small filly like me. I wasn't sure what the average wing-size was for a pony, especially at this age, but it seemed to me that I had bigger than average wings. I couldn't help but feel bad for Scootaloo, who had the opposite problem as me.
Speaking of...
Now, I'm sure lots of you would frown upon this next part, but it's not like I did it for the thrill or anything. And it was my body now, as far as I knew, so with a certain question in mind...
I checked out a foal's plot.
With the reminder of a my new body's young age, and having just thought of one of the CMC, I was curious. Unceremoniously, I twisted around and lifted my green flank up to lean against the counter, and looked into the mirror. My flank was thin and athletic, but more importantly, it was blank. I readied myself for any teasing I would be subjected to by a certain Alpha Bitch and her lackey, if this train was heading to Ponyville like I assumed it was.
Ponyville.
That's in Equestria.
My face lit up into an excited grin of joy and expectations. It had worked!
I had no choice but to accept it, and the warm feeling of elation in my little chest told me that I wasn't exactly adverse to the idea. My attention was drawn to a certain detail as my flank was still pointed at the mirror that would make Rule 34ers blush, but just made me sigh as I dropped off the counter and exited the bathroom.
“Okay, so my manhood is gone, but that's just another piece of evidence that I'm neither dead nor dreaming...' I lamented to myself quietly, my cute filly voice sighing as I spoke.
Making my way back to the booth my parents(?) occupied. Some random ponies smiled and waved to me as I passed, I gave a small smile and a nod in response. They seemed like a nice bunch of ponies.
“Welcome back, Kiwi,' my mother smiled as I climbed back to my seat. I noticed that the male pegasus was up now, studying what looked like a map. “You were gone a long time, were you exploring the train?”
Huh, was I really in the bathroom so long? A quick glance out the window told me that, yes, I had been checking myself out for almost 30 minutes, if the train pulling into Ponyville's station was anything to go by.
“Uh...yeah, that's totally what I was doing! Trains are, uh, awesome!' I did my reasurring smile again, but then blinked and raised an eyebrow. “...Kiwi?”
The other mare matched my eyebrow raise. “That is your name, right? Kiwi Blitz, remember?” she said slowly.
Kiwi Blitz?....that sounds familiar...
The stallion laughed, and he got to his hooves. “Ah, lighten up, Island Dusk! She's just playing with ya, of course she didn't forget her own name. Nopony could do that, heh.' he chuckled and ruffled my hair with a wing. His eyes twinkled with affection. “Pretty good joke,though, Ki. You were pretty convincing too. Hey, maybe when we see your sister, us three can go pranking, eh?”
I laughed nervously, as I stepped back down from the seat and followed my parents out the booth and towards the open door. I cocked my head as a thought occurred to me.
“Sister?” I asked, confused.
My 'dad' chuckled and rolled his eyes. “Oh, please... as if you could forget your sister.' he shook his head, and looked at me from over his shoulder. “C'mon, Rainbow Dash is waiting for us.”
I went still from shock.
Rainbow Dash...is my sister??
That....that-!
I sighed heavily.
That is n00b level OC building.... Damn it, old man! You're making me look lame in front of the other bronies!