“Urgh, more combat?” groaned Vinyl Scratch. “Do we have to?”
“You’re currently surrounded by a group of angry villagers who want their sacred tablet which wards off evil to be returned,” said Natural Twenty. “Unless Octavia wishes to return the tablet-”
“Like hell I’m giving up loot this good!” Octavia growled.
“-then I doubt that you can convince them to not attack you.”
“Don’t worry Octavia, I’ve got this. I can just fly us out of here, remember?” said Vinyl Scratch, grinning.
“Aside from the fact that the villagers have spears and bows which they will target you with if you do that,” began Natural Twenty, “there’s also the fact that this village may or may not contain the tablet you two are currently looking for.”
“Damn, didn’t think of that,” said Vinyl, grimacing. “Any ideas you’ve got, Octavia?”
Octavia frowned as she put a hoof to her chin in thought. “Hmm… can we see the village’s chief around anywhere?”
“You can see the chieftess of the village, yes,” confirmed Natural Twenty. “She is standing at the forefront of the group of villagers.”
“Very well then, I shall approach her and say, ‘Hello, wise chieftess. Is there a reason why the humble members of your village are surrounding my companion and I?’”
So you’re trying to avoid combat with diplomacy, eh? thought Natural Twenty. Good luck with that – you brought this upon yourself when you stole the tablet, and I am not letting you off easily. “The chieftess replies, ‘We heard the village alarm, signalling intruders to our village. According to our sentry, you two have stolen our sacred protection from evil.’ Whilst she’s saying this, the villagers are all preparing their weapons to attack at a moment’s notice.”
“I reply, ‘What do you mean? We are simply two humble travellers, looking for rest and shelter from the harsh Amarezonian wilderness. Why would we steal anything of yours?’”
“Hmm…roll a persuasion check,” said Natural Twenty. “She’s not going to believe you straight away.”
Ha! This should be easy enough, thought Octavia. Persuasion is my cutie mark skill – with the boost it gives me, talking our way out of this will be no trouble at all. “Sure,” she said, picking up a d20 and rolling it. “Two?!” she gasped a moment later, looking at the result.
“Unfortunately for you, the chieftess sees through your lie immediately, and orders the villagers to attack.” Natural Twenty grinned as he started getting some figurines out of his bag for the game mat. “Roll for initiative, you two.”
“Not just yet,” Vinyl said, grinning. “I haven’t executed my plan yet!”
“…Oh Celestia, we’re all doomed,” said Octavia, facehoofing.
“Yes?” said Natural Twenty, ignoring Octavia. “What exactly do you plan to do against a group of villagers who are literally about ten seconds away from attacking you?”
“Ten seconds, huh? Perfect,” said Vinyl. “Don’t worry Octavia, I’ve totally got us out of this.”
“What exactly can you do in ten seconds, Vinyl?” Octavia asked. “And more importantly, are you going to try and give back the tablet to spare our lives? Because you can’t have it! It’s mine!”
“Just sit back and watch,” Vinyl replied. “Natural Twenty, I’m going to use my utility talent Illusionary Mask to ‘conjure an illusionary mask that makes you appear in a favorable manner to all that
see you’,” she said, reading from her character sheet. “It says that the preparation time is five seconds, so I have enough time to do it.”
“Right then,” said Natural Twenty. “That still doesn’t save you from the ponies about to attack you.”
“It will in a moment. See, I’m going to use the mask to make myself look like the village chieftess.”
“…What?” Natural Twenty asked.
“You heard me,” said Vinyl, her grin growing larger. “With the mask, I’ll command the villagers not to attack Octavia.”
“Flaw in your plan there, Vinyl,” Natural Twenty said. “The real chieftess is still right there, and she’s not going to let anypony be fooled.”
“Won’t have a choice when I’m done,” said Vinyl. “I’ll use another of my utility talents, He Did It!, to convince the villagers that the chieftess is actually me in disguise, and in possession of the golden tablet.”
“You realise that you’ll still have to roll a persuasion check for all of this, correct?” Natural Twenty asked. “The chieftess will roll to convince everypony that you’re lying. I’m also giving you a negative ten penalty to your roll since the villagers would know the chieftess quite well.”
“Fine,” said Vinyl, grimacing. She rolled her d20 as Natural Twenty rolled his. “Natural twenty!” she chimed out happily.
“Yes?”
“What? Oh, I meant that I rolled a natural twenty,” Vinyl explained. “So between that, my persuasion base skill, and the fact that my illusionary mask gives me a plus-four bonus to persuasion checks, I think that I should be pretty good to convince the villagers.”
“Oh really?” asked Natural Twenty, a smug look on his face. “Because I rolled an eighteen, and what with your penalty and all, I believe that I win. The villagers will hesitate, but the chieftess will still convince them that you’re yourself.”
Shit! thought Vinyl. All that and I still lose?
“Not so fast, Natural,” said Octavia. “I shall use my utility talent Dirty Look to give the chieftess a negative-nine penalty.”
Natural Twenty frowned as he went through the numbers in his head. Then he quickly tried to think of a few ways that he could convincingly give the chieftess a bonus. “…Fine,” he said bitterly, “you convince the villagers that the real chieftess is actually Vinyl in disguise.”
“Huzzah!” cried Vinyl. “Once more, justice and good deeds prevail and save the day!”
“If by that you mean you got away with stealing one of the villagers’ most valuable and important treasures, then yes, justice and good deeds did save the day,” said Natural Twenty in a deadpan tone. “At any rate, as most of the villagers chase after their former chieftess, the sentry who saw Octavia steal the tablet will approach you and ask, ‘Excuse me, mistress, but why exactly are you trusting this pony? I saw her steal our tablet with my own two eyes!’”
“I’ll reply, ‘This pony, Octavia, is now under my protection. I do not believe that one as sweet and humble as she could steal the tablet. From now on, I expect everypony in the village to treat her as though she were me – spread the word.’” Vinyl looked to Octavia and smiled.
“The sentry is suspicious of you, and is going to roll to try and see what you’re up to,” said Natural Twenty. He rolled a die. “Well then!” he said happily. “The guard rolled a sixteen, which with his perception skill, should allow him to see through your disguise, and –”
“Did he roll above forty?” asked Vinyl. “Because according to Illusionary Mask, you need to roll higher than forty to be able to detect my true identity.”
“What?” Natural Twenty asked. Vinyl passed him her character sheet so that he could confirm it. “…That ability is such bullshit,” he muttered. “Very well then, the guard doesn’t detect your true identity, but he still will ask why you two are so friendly all of a sudden.”
“I shall reply that, I am, um…” Octavia started, trying to think of a reasonable excuse for her character to know Vinyl’s.
“My sex partner!” Vinyl exclaimed. “She’s my sexy sex partner whom I have sex with all the time!”
“Not too far from the truth then,” said Octavia, her grin matching Vinyl’s. For his part, Natural Twenty simply rolled his eyes.
“Well, whatever,” he said. “What are you two going to do now? I assume that the mask won’t last forever.”
“Yeah, according to the sheet it lasts for one hour,” said Vinyl. “So I guess we’d better look around the village to see whether the tablet – the one we need for the temple- is here before the mask runs out of juice.”
“And don’t forget that we have to find some good loot!” Octavia pointed out. “So far this gold tablet is all that I’ve gotten, and it’s hardly practical or cool.”
“So then, how do you plan on exploring the village to find the tablet and loot?” Natural Twenty asked. “The village is a wide expanse, with the distance between the two furthest huts being around a half-hour walk. Ponies everywhere will watch you as you go, limiting your chances to steal items. With your mask only lasting for an hour, you will have to explore using the best of your wits – assuming that the items you seek are even here, and not hidden somewhere only the chieftess knows of. Will you manage to beat the clock, or will your mask wear out beforehoof? Can you maintain this façade, or –”
“I go to a nearby guard – or warrior, or whatever – and ask him to take us to the village’s most valuable treasures,” interrupted Vinyl.
“…Right. Didn’t expect that,” said Natural Twenty. “Naturally, as he believes that you are the real chieftess, he takes you to a particular hut – it’s fairy nondescript and pedestrian. Inside is a magical field covering a grey tablet and a sword.”
“Sweet. Is he going to get rid of the magical field?” asked Vinyl.
“He says, ‘Seeing as how you are the chieftess, naturally only you can cancel out the magical field guarding the treasures. I shall leave you to it.’”
“What shall we do, Vinyl?” Octavia asked. “I need that sword! It is probably very cool!”
“Hmm…I’ll try and surround the tablet and sword with my own magical field, and levitate them through the field,” Vinyl said.
“You try that, and it fails to work. The guard watching you says, ‘Your mightiness, what are you doing? Surely you know that that is the most basic of our security measures, to prevent telekinesis from affecting the treasures?’” Natural Twenty said. “His eyes narrow, and he says, ‘Unless – unless you’re not-’”
“I say, ‘Hey idiot, get the hay out of here! There’s some things that only a chieftess can do!’” Vinyl interrupted.
“You are really determined to have the villagers determine Vinyl’s true identity, are you not?” Octavia asked Natural Twenty.
“It’s not fair; it’s ruining all of my plans!” complained Natural Twenty. “At any rate, the guard reluctantly leaves the hut, not used to the chieftess saying such things to him.”
“Right. Now… I think that the safest way to get this stuff is probably to try and disrupt the field,” murmured Vinyl, thinking carefully. “…I dunno whether this will work, but I’ll roll an arcana check to try and disrupt the field with my magical ability.”
“As she does that, I shall use my Element of Harmony, Generosity, to give Vinyl a plus-fifteen bonus to the check,” said Octavia. Vinyl picked up a die and rolled it.
“Nine. With my arcana bonus and Octavia’s boost, how’s that?” asked Vinyl.
“Good enough to just disrupt the field. The magic blocking off the sword and the tablet is disrupted, and you can both reach for them,” said Natural Twenty.
“I’ll grab both of them!” Octavia said hastily. To this, Natural Twenty grinned.
“As you’re putting both items into your saddlebags, the door to the hut opens and the guard returns. ‘Your chieftessness, I thought you should know that –’ His voice cuts off as he sees what Octavia is doing, and that you’re not stopping her. ‘Chieftessness, what is going on?’ he asks. ‘Why are you letting this – this outsider take our treasures?’”
“I’ll say to him, ‘Buck off! We need them for all the sex we were about to have!’” said Vinyl cheerfully.
“…Interesting excuse you have there,” commented Natural Twenty.
Vinyl Scratch shrugged. “Hey, it’s been a while since my character has had sex with Octavia’s. Hey, does that make the guard leave?”
“He does,” confirmed Natural Twenty.
“Sweet. Hey Octavia, want to have sex with my character?” Vinyl asked casually.
“Of course,” replied Octavia. “My character will lean forwards, but look back at Vinyl and give her a sultry look.”
“I’ll approach Octavia, and start stroking her flanks with my hooves,” Vinyl said. “I’ll lean forwards a bit, and-”
“Oooookaaaay, I think that we should probably wrap up this session here,” interrupted Natural Twenty.
“Seriously? But we just started!” said Octavia.
“I know, I know,” said Natural Twenty, rolling his eyes subtly, “but we have been playing for quite a while now. It’s nearly six o’clock!”
“So? You got here at like, two,” said Vinyl.
“I realise that, and whilst my special talent is roleplaying-”
“You sure about that?” muttered Vinyl to herself.
“- even I think that a sixteen-hour session is a bit ridiculous,” Natural Twenty finished. “I mean, that fight was simply ridiculous – by no means did I expect it to last throughout most of the night like that.”
“Ha! So you admit that it’s bullshit!” Vinyl exclaimed, pointing a hoof. Natural Twenty waved a hoof dismissively.
“Not at all – I think that it was ridiculous because you two were such terrible fighters.” As Vinyl and Octavia opened their mouths to protest, Natural Twenty added, “Regardless, I shall head home now – I should probably get some sleep.” With that, he began packing up his belongings back into his saddlebag.
“Aww, now our characters are going to be all sexually frustrated!” Vinyl whined. “Natural Twenty, when will you be back for another session?”
“I should be free in a day or two,” replied Natural Twenty, “so I shall probably come around then - after giving notice, naturally.” With everything in his saddlebag, he gave them both a polite nod, said goodbye, and headed out the door.
“Man, this sucks! Right when we were about to have sex!” Vinyl complained.
“Well now, you are certainly eager all of a sudden to roleplay,” said Octavia. “What brought out this change of heart?”
“Well, I hate having to wait for sex, so it stands that my character does too,” explained Vinyl. “And it really sucks that there’ll be no sex going on, since Natural Twenty has left and it’s now just us two in the house.”
Octavia nodded. “Yes, just the two of us in the house… all alone, with nopony around to interrupt us or hear us…” she agreed. She climbed off the couch and walked to Vinyl, and started stroking the unicorn’s fur. “I am in agreement with you one hundred percent, Vinyl… it certainly is a terrible fate when there is no sex going on in this house, and waiting for too long certainly is frustrating…hay, it must have been at least two or three days since we’ve done it…” She started nuzzling Vinyl’s neck as she kept talking.
“Yeah, and our characters would be getting really frustrated, which makes me frustrated,” breathed Vinyl, nuzzling Octavia’s neck in return. “I just really wish there was some way to release this tension, with somepony who would be willing to help me…” There was a moment of silence as the two kept nuzzling each other, with different thoughts going through their heads.
“Oh well!” said Vinyl, suddenly cheerful, “It’s a good thing that our characters aren’t really us, so it doesn’t matter if they’re sexually frustrated!” She gave Octavia a quick kiss on the lips and then got up from the armchair. “I think that I’ll hit the hay; I didn’t realise how tired I was getting. Good night, Octavia!” She trotted out of the lounge room and to her bedroom, leaving the Earth pony alone in the lounge room.
She-she didn’t just…did she? Octavia thought to herself. She made a strangling motion with her hooves as she gritted her teeth. We are going to have to have a little talk tonight. And by talk I mean sex.