“We now return to Big Daddy.” The TV announcer said as I was sitting down on my couch, watching TV.
“I have to go to the bathroom.” Julian McGrath said.
“You what? B-but u-uh-uh we-we’re going to be there in a minute.” A Big Daddy Bouncer from Bioshock said.
“I have to go now!” Julian whined.
“Hey, didn’t you pee enough in bed already?” the Big Daddy asked, and Julian shook his head. “B-but we only have… nine minutes to get there.”
“But I have to go to the bathroom!” Julian whined.
“Alright, let’s go.” The Big Daddy said as he took Julian over to a restaurant nearby so he can pee on the building.
Julian was just standing there by the building, but then he started to whine again, “I can’t do it.”
“What do you mean you can’t do it? You said you gotta go, just go.” The Big Daddy said.
“I’m scared; could you do it too?” Julian asked.
“Alright, and we’re off.” The Big Daddy said as he turned around to face the building.
Just then, I heard a knock on the door. “It’s unlocked!” I yelled.
“No it’s not!” Spike yelled from outside.
“Try the window!” I yelled. Spike then takes a running start and leaps towards the window and crashes into it.
“No it’s not!” Spike yelled.
“Try the toilet entrance!” I yelled.
“Oh c’mon, I hate the toilet entrance! I always get sick and my picture always comes out wrong!” Spike whined.
“What’s the toilet entrance?” Crystal asked as her and Engineer joined him in front of my front door.
“I’ll show you.” Spike opens a secret panel inside the doorbell, he pushes the red button in it, and the three of them fall inside a trap door and onto a rollercoaster car.
“Please keep your hooves, legs, muzzles, and wings inside the car at all times, and watch your kids please.” The voice in the PA instructed them as the safety bar firms tightly on their legs.
“Oh snap! The toilet entrance is a rollercoaster, huh?” Crystal asked.
“Does it have loopty loops? Ah can’t handle those.” Engie asked.
“Luckily it doesn’t, but it does have a lot of quick turns and ups and DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWNS!” Spike yelled as the ride started in the middle of his sentence. The rollercoaster car started going up and down, sideways; Crystal had her hooves up, having the time of her life, Spike just sat there green faced, and Engie was frightened, and as Spike was barfing into a bag, there was a flash of light, and from my bathroom, I walk inside and flush the toilet. After I flushed the toilet, Spike, Engie, and Crystal popped out and landed in the middle of my bathroom floor.
“Sup brahs?” I asked.
“That was pretty intense, partner. Ah was so glad it started unexpectingly, instead of those rollercoasters that just go up, and then down right after you say ‘here we go’. Ah really don’t like rollercoasters that have a slow start.” Engie said.
“That was fun, can we do that again?” Crystal asked.
“Show me my picture first! I wanna see my picture!” Spike demanded as a picture slides out of the slot near the toilet. He takes a look at it, and the picture shows him barfing in a bag, Engie with his hooves on his eyes, and Crystal with her hooves in the air and a tensed-out face. “Aw man, I always have my eyes closed during the picture!” he complained.
“So what brings you three here? Since you tried out the toilet entrance, this must be something important.” I assumed.
“It is! Since I always see Twilight at the end of the day, I wanted to show you this first.” Spike gave me a flyer to look at.
“The Ponyville Unicorn Games, huh?” I read it.
“Twilight entered that event once before, and I gotta say, it was no doubt she’d be a winner, especially after the intense magic she did when an Ursa Minor came to town.” Spike said.
“Oooo, Ursa Minor! Wait, what’s an Ursa Minor?” Crystal asked.
“Ah believe it’s a star system, but it’s actually called the Ursa Major.” Engie said.
“Actually it’s a creature in the Everfree Forest. It attacked the town after a couple of colts named Snips and Snails awoken it from its slumber.” Spike explained.
“Oh yeah, I know those two. They visit my shop all the time and pig out.” I said.
“So why don’t ya kick them out?” Engie asked.
“No way, brah! I’m getting a lot of money for their visit! At this rate, I’ll be richer than Bill Gates!” I said.
A cutaway shows a mail pony arriving at Bill Gate’s mansion, but as he walked to the gate, the gate itself asked, “Hey, what do you think you’re doing here?”
“Whoa! A talking gate!” the mail pony said surprisingly.
“Yeah, I’m a talking gate.” The gate said.
“Wait, you sound a lot like Bill Gates.” The mail pony assumed.
“Eeyup! Bill GATES, get it? After my death, I bought myself some surgery so my soul can be always on my gate, so I can keep out the intruders so they don’t steal my private helicopter, my collection of solid gold Windows logos, and keeping out the Apple folks.” Bill Gates said.
“Umm, ok.” The mail pony said. “So what do you want me to do with this mail?”
“Oh if you wanna give me my mail, you’ll have to go through me!” Bill Gates said as he opened himself to let the mail pony in. “Heh, get it?”
“I’ll also need a signature.” The mail pony said.
“Oh, then you’ll need to talk my great-uncle, Angel.” Bill Gates said.
“So where do I sign?” an angel statue asked. The cutaway ends.
“The Unicorn Games sounds like a great idea for you, Flare! You can show off your awesome magic spells!” Crystal said.
“Just because I have awesome magic spells doesn’t mean I have to show them off so other ponies can call me OP.” I said.
“Nopony’s gonna call you OP, partner. Your spells is what makes ya unique, and for those who disagree can just shove it!” Engie said.
“That doesn’t sound very appropriate, Engie.” I said.
“What? Doesn’t everypony shove stuff in other pony’s faces, especially Pinkie?” Engie asked.
“Oh, faces, I thought you were talking about, ummm… anyways, you dudes think I actually have a chance at winning?” I asked.
“Of course you do! You got that flare spell, that water squirter spell, the hornsaber, bubble shield, that giant laser spell, you got it all!” Crystal said.
“The Shoop Da Whoop spell? I dunno about using it in front of all those ponies. It seems a little OP, even though I get exhausted pretty easily while doing that spell.” I explained.
“What do ya need to get back on your hooves again after usin’ that spell?” Engie asked.
“Well, my magical powers can be fueled up instantly with caffeine normally.” I said.
“So we’ll just bring some Pepsi along with us.” Engie suggested.
“Nah, too much caffeine. Not only will that make me look even more OP, but too much caffeine makes me blink a lot.” I said.
“Ah guess a weeping angel knows what to make ya weak.” Engie said.
“I make some nice freshly brewed iced tea though, so I can use that instead.” I said.
“Sounds like a good idea to me!” Crystal said.
"So how about training?” Spike asked.
“What?” I asked.
“Training; you need to train in order to win the games.” Spike said.
“Alright, but who’ll train with me?” I asked.
“Duh, me of course!” Spike said.
“But what will Twilight think? Aren’t you suppose to be helping her?” Crystal asked.
“Come to think of it, she is participating.” Spike thought.
“What about Rarity?” Engie asked.
“Oh right, what would she think about that? She needs me.” Spike said.
“Rarity’s using you for free labor, dude.” I said.
“Oh now that’s just bogus. Of course she doesn’t use me for free labor, she cares about me. Just as much as you cared when you locked yourself inside your carriage.” Spike reminded me.
A cutaway shows me locked inside a carriage with the keys on the outside. I had my face on the window, hoping somepony would rescue me. Just then, I finally saw Cherry Fizzy walking by; “Hey, you there! Can you help me get ou- oh don’t you walk away from me, mister!” After a bit, I saw Dizzy Twister walking by. “Hey, dudet? Dudet, hey! Free pizza if you help me out of- oh c’mon, free pizza! Who can say no to that? Oh forget you!” Right after, Meadow Song walked by and looked down at my keys. “Oh good, you’re here! Can you take those keys and unlock these doors for me?” Meadow Song picks up the keys, looks around the parking lot and runs away. “Wha-wha-WHAT?! Those are not yours! You thief! You thief! RAAAAAAAAAH!” I started to spaz out, and I shook the carriage back and forth, and after all the shaking, the carriage gets knocked over to the side. “Sigh. Why did I leave Mareami in the first place?” The cutaway ends.
“So how about we help you train for the games?” Engie recommended.
“Choo-choo!” I said.
“So is that a yes?” Engie asked.
“Did I say yes? No I did not; I said ‘choo-choo’.” I corrected him.
“So ya don’t want us to help?” Engie asked.
“Of course I want you to help! I need somepony to set up targets and such, and couch me.” I said. Just as I figured out what I said, I corrected myself, "I mean coach me, sorry. My system has an automatic spell-check."
"A what now?" Engie asked.
“I can help with the coaching. I coach Twilight with her magic all the time.” Spike said.
“And ah got a lot of targets back at mah place.” Engie said.
“What can I do?” Crystal asked.
“Do what you do best, Crystal! Get us snacks and drinks, and be our towel girl.” I said.
“Towel girl?” Crystal asked.
“Yeah! Sound like fun?” I asked.
“Well…… OF COURSE IT DOES! I love being the towel girl!” Crystal said excitedly. “Almost as much as I love being that one hipster girl that everypony hits on at Comic-Con.”
“Wait, you’re hipster? Ya don’t look hipster.” Engie said.
“Looks ain’t everything, my dear Engineer. Black shirts don’t really suit me, and I always lose my glasses.” Crystal said.
As time went by, Crystal, Engie, Spike and I went over to the fields next to Sweet Apple Acres where the contest is taking place. I’m currently wearing a headband, and a shirt that says: ‘Hug here for Pony Cheer!’ I started jogging in place with my eyes closed and sweat rolling down my face. Come to think of it, I think sweat is what caused a hay-load of pimples on my forehead when I was younger. Anyways, Spike was standing next to me with a stop-watch, a cap, and a whistle; Engie was up ahead getting the targets ready, and Crystal was holding a bottle of water for me. I took a drink of the water and got myself ready.
“Hmm, this water tastes funny, Crystal.” I commented.
“This isn’t water, this is a bottle of your sweat. Your water is still over there on the bench.” Crystal pointed out.
"Alright Flare, you ready?" Spike asked.
"Ready as spaghetti; with my famous secret sauce on it! Mischievous face!" I said.
"Alright! Show me what ya got!" Spike held up the stop-watch and was just about to start it. "Annnnnnnnnnd..... GO!"
As he started the stop-watch, I went into my satchel and took out some stuff and showed them to Spike. "Alright, I have 40 bits, some gum- I'll take that now." I took the gum and started chewing it, and blew a bubble. "I also have some business cards for my business, my Ipod, my phone, and a picture of Fluttershy she gave to me one day. She says I should always have this picture with me, it gives me good luck.” I said. "She's such a good mom!"
“Alright, now that you have your stuff out of your way, it’s about time you showed off your magic.” Spike said.
I started to stretch out, I spat out my gum, then stretched some more, and I stretched in so many different ways, some that you wouldn’t expect a pony to do. My hooves are pretty flexible. After I stretched out for a while, Spike looks at his watch and asks, "Are you quite finished?"
"NO! I'm just about to get started!” I yelled.
“I believe you stretched yourself out good enough. So how about showing off your magic?” Spike asked.
“I got some training montage music that’ll come in handy!” Crystal said.
“Play it!” I said. "As long as it's not that death metal music again, or as I call it: music sang by demons."
The training montage music starts playing in the background; I started running around the race track with Spike on my back yelling with a megaphone demanding that I go faster. I then did push ups, pull ups, sit ups, and jumping jacks with Spike blowing his whistle and writing on his clipboard. To be honest, I’m terrible at push ups, pull ups, and sits up; alright at jumping jacks though. I then started to lift some little weights, punching and bucking a punching bag, I then started lifting one of those bigger weights along with Crystal watching over me, but Crystal sees a butterfly flying by and she starts chasing it and with her gone, I ran into an accident with the weights because the whole bar just slammed down onto my neck and I started to choke and moving my hooves around. A lesson to you all: don’t EVER lift weights unless someone’s there with you, otherwise you’ll choke to death.
After the montage I took a deep breath and laid on the ground. “C’mon, Flare! You can’t be tired yet!” Crystal said.
“I STRONGLY DISLIKE exercising!” I said. “Why did we do all that?”
“We gotta get ready for the games of course.” Spike reminded me.
“Yeah, but isn’t the Unicorn Games mostly on magic and not physical movement?” I asked.
“There’s always an obstacle course at the end of the games, so you’ll need to be ready for that.” Spike said.
“Wait if you hate exercisin’, why do ya have an exercise room at your house?” Engie asked.
“I just have it there to show off in case the ladies ever come over.” I said.
"Oh. So you lied then." Crystal said with an aggravated tone.
“So Flare how about showing us your unique spells?” Engie asked.
“You make it sound like these spells are uncommon, and I’ll have you know, only one of them is.” I said.
“FLARE spell, GO!” Spike yelled.
"M-I-T-E-L-Q-V-X.... wait what?" I asked.
Didn’t really expect Spike to yell that so loudly. Anyways, my first spell was shooting a flare into the sky and it lands at the other side of the arena. Spike takes out a tape measure to measure his distance and he gives me a thumbs up, and I let out a squee as I smiled, and then Spike writes on his clipboard again. After that, I activated my hornsaber and started cutting up fruits and veggies, and made up a salad. Spike stops his stopwatch, looks at it, and nods his head to me, and then Spike writes on his clipboard again. Now for the next exercise, I looked deeply at a building with a sign that says; ‘Ready for demolition.’ Seeing that building over there, since it was gonna get destroyed anyway, I knew what to do, so I activated my horn and shot a giant laser through the building and it gets demolished. I smiled and danced around along with Crystal who gave me some water, and when Engie started dancing, I stopped because I don’t dance with stallions. Right after, Spike writes on his clipboard again. Now if we take a look at what Spike was writing on his clipboard, all this time he was drawing a picture of Rarity and himself getting married.
The last exercise as you can see is sort of a reference to something particular. I activated my horn while I was standing on my front hooves upside down, and used my telekinesis spell next. Of course I have telekinesis! All unicorns have that! That’s like our first plasmid! Get the reference? Well that wasn’t really the reference I was talking about before. I started to grunt and sweat real hard; then the objects around me suddenly started to float, including Spike, and one of Engie’s machines that he was working on while I was training, but he got a little upset to see it floating in the middle of his work.
“Yeeeeees, feel the magic flow around you.” Crystal whispered. “Concentrate, concentrate. Let go of all thoughts, and keep your mind at peace.”
“You know, I can’t really concentrate with you whispering at me.” I said. “It’s no wonder Luke failed Yoda’s training; Yoda kept telling him to concentrate and all that. His talking really doesn’t help, and neither does yours, no offense.”
“How was that offensive?” Crystal asked. Just then I started to lose my balance and fell on the ground.
“Ya alright, partner?” Engie asked as he helped me up.
“The side of my neck hurts; I could use a massage.” I said.
“Shall we take you to the spa?” Engie asked.
“I dunno, it’s normally awkward when I’m around that spa.” I said.
A cutaway shows me walking into the Ponyville spa; I walked up to the front desk over to Aloe. “Ah, Mr. Gun! Welcome back!”
“How you doing, Lotus? My neck’s been aching and I could use a massage.” I said.
“I’m not Lotus, I’m Aloe.” Aloe corrected me.
“Oh… well, umm…. Wow.” I blushed.
“It’s no big deal. Nopony can tell us apart sometimes.” Aloe said.
“I know, but I’ve been coming here for weeks now, I should be able to tell you apart by now.” I said.
“It’s ok, now please take a seat and we’ll be ready for you in about 10 minutes.” Aloe said as she gave me a clipboard with a spa application on it. I grabbed the clipboard and I sat next to Flitter in the waiting room to fill my application.
“Hey, Cloudchaser! Nothing like a nice relaxing day in the spa, huh?” I asked her.
“I’m Flitter.” She corrected me.
“I can never tell twins apart. Don’t you, Lucky Clover?” I asked Meadow Song.
“C’mon, Lucky Clover and I don’t even look the same in any way!” Meadow Song complained. The cutaway ends.
"Wow! I have to say Flare, you have great talents with your horn. You can't lose with that shoop da whoop on your side!" Spike said.
"Thanks, brah. I'm going to win this thing! Like it or not! So what's the prize?" I asked.
"The prize is a trophy and a day with the princess in Canterlot.” Spike said.
"Princess Luna?” I asked.
"No, Celestia.” Spike said.
"Sad face. I wanted to spend time with Princess Luna. Why does Celestia have to keep taking all the credit for everything? They never show Luna anymore. So what she wanted to let the moon stay up forever? It sucks for the other side of the world; they'd be getting sun forever, so it really doesn't matter. And besides it's all in the past, let Luna have some credit. Don't let Celestia take all the credit!" I complained.
“Ah don’t really know the princesses personally that much, but either or, a day with a princess is a big thing, partner.” Engie said.
“Why don’t you like Celestia?” Crystal asked.
“I didn’t say I didn’t like her, I appreciate all she does; I don't believe in that Trollestia nonsense that other's come up with; it’s just, Luna doesn’t go out that much, and I’m thinking she’s holding her back.” I said.
“Well, you’ll find out once you win that competition!” Crystal said.
“You’re right, Crystal!” I said.
“I didn’t know my name was Right Crystal.” Crystal thought. Just as we pass Carousel Boutique, Spike stops us for a sec.
"Oh, I'm going to go see what Rarity is up to, alright?" Spike informed us.
"No problemo brah! I'll see you tomorrow! If you need me, I’m going to be making a list of twins in this town so I don’t get confused.” I said.
“If yer makin’ a list, you should check it twice.” Engie suggested.
“Good idea!” I said. Spike separates from us, and runs inside Carousel Boutique so he can see ‘beautiful future bride’. Lawl!
"Bye Flare, I'm rooting for you tomorrow! You're gonna win!" Spike cried out from the boutique as the three of us already walked ahead, so Spike walks inside Rarity's shop and sees Rarity making an outfit for her cat Opalescence.
"Oh Opal! Don’t you look divine! It'll be perfect for when I win the unicorn games! Don't you think it's fantastic?" Rarity asked Opal. Opal rolls her eyes as the sweater Rarity made for her felt kinda tight for her. “C’mon, Opal, if we’re going to be visiting Canterlot after I win the games, you’ll need to look the part.”
"Hi, Rarity!" Spike said in a seductive voice.
"Spikey-wikey! Just the dragon I wanted to see! Come, I made a new fabulous outfit for the Unicorn Games, and I need your opinion on it.” Rarity requested.
"Sure! I bet you'll look great!" Spike said.
"Oh Spike you're such a sweetie!" Rarity said as she walks into her changing room to put on the new dress for the games. As Rarity gets changed, Spike looks over at Opal and sees the outfit Rarity made for her.
“You look good in that, Opal! You look like Brittney Spears in that.” Spike said. Opal glares at Spike and walks away. “Wow, I tell a cat they look like a celebrity and they get offended.”
“Oh Spikey dear!” Rarity called out as she trots out of her changing room, and shows Spike her outfit which was a sparkly dark blue dress with magic wands on it. Just as Rarity poses her outfit for Spike, the background turned pink with butterflies on it.
"Wow, Rarity! You look wonderful!" Spike said impressively.
“Do you like my background changing spell as well? The pink one with the butterflies is my absolute favorite.” Rarity said.
“Mine too.” Spike lied. “Oh shut up, narrator!” You’re not supposed to hear me, I’m the narrator. Only Pinkie is supposed to hear me. “Whatever.” he shrugged.
“I’m so glad you like it! It would be an honor if you helped me train for the Unicorn Games, dear.” Rarity requested.
"Of course!" Spike said.
“Good! Now for the first thing I’d like to practice on is giving you a fabulous coach outfit!” Rarity activates her horn and lots of her supplies start floating, and as Rarity uses her magic, she makes another outfit, Spike's size, and once she was done, Spike was wearing an old-style 1700s American outfit. "Oh Spikey, you're adorable!"
"Wow, this is a great outfit, Rarity. I'm rooting for you tomorrow! You're definitely going to win!” Spike said.
"Thank you, dearie! I mean, I don’t want to sound like I’m better than any other unicorn. I’m sure there are others just as fabulous as me. Twilight for example.” Rarity said.
“It’s true, no magic can be as awesome as Twilight’s, but none can be as fabulous and creative as yours, Rarity!” Spike said.
“Spike, you’re such a gem! You’re more of a sweet talker than a cupcake!” Rarity said.
A cutaway shows Rarity visiting Sugarcube Corner. “Hello, Rarity! Can you eat me?” a cupcake asked her.
“No thank you, Mr. Cupcake, maybe later.” Rarity said.
“But I wanna die!” the cupcake said cheerfully. The cutaway ends.
“Now, it's getting late, I suppose Twilight would want you back home, but thank you so much for helping me train for the games! I’m surely going to win for sure! Here, take this for your troubles.” Rarity uses her magic to grab a gem out of her trunk and gives it to Spike.
"And this the third reason why I love Rarity; number 1: the gems, number 2: her mane, number 3: the fact that she loves Caddyshack like I do!” Spike explained. “Anyways, it was great seeing you, Rarity! Glad I was here to help!”
"I'll see you tomorrow! Root for me!" Rarity said as she waved to Spike as he walked out of the boutique. Rarity then observes Opal and said, “Oh, my dear Opal, seeing you in that sweater, you remind me of Brittney Spears.” Opal sighs, walks over to the kitchen, jumps onto the counter, takes off her sweater and throws it down the sink drain, and then turns on the garbage disposal, shredding the sweater into a million pieces. See? That’s why no one should wear tight sweaters; otherwise, you’ll look like Brittney Spears.
Anyways, Spike walks back to the library and heads inside, only to find Twilight using her magic to organize her books around her library, and do her chores at the same time. "Hey, Twilight!" Spike said.
"Oh hey, Spike!" Twilight said.
"Wow! You're doing everything around your house yourself.... at the same time?" Spike asked in shock.
"Well I don't need to brag, but yes. I hope you don’t mind me practicing my magic to do your chores for you.” Twilight said.
“It’s no big deal; I can finally catch up on my fanfic.” Spike said.
A cutaway shows Lyra along with Bulk Biceps drawing their human OCs on a couple of pieces of paper, and Lyra shows her’s first; “Check this out, Bulk, it’s my human OC; she’s an average woman that loves to be athletic, and she works at a Hershey’s Chocolate Factory because of her love of chocolate.”
“Here’s mine!” Bulk Biceps shows Lyra his human OC which was a steroid-junkie ballerina princess.
“He seems OP, dude.” Lyra commented. The cutaway ends.
"Wow! I must say after doing this, and doing what you did when Trixie was in town, you're really the most talented unicorn in Ponyville! I'm rooting for you tomorrow! You're gonna win!" Spike said.
"Thank you Spike! I’m going to definitely try my best to win, for sure, I mean, if I do it's great, but others winning would be just as good too! As long as you're rooting for me, I'll be alright!" Twilight continued working on her magic, and suddenly, she spots the outfit Rarity gave him. “Spike, where’d you get that outfit?”
“Oh this? I… umm….” Spike thought if he was at Rarity’s, Twilight might've thought he was just helping her win the Unicorn Games instead of Twilight; same goes for him helping me out a couple hours ago and Spike didn’t want Twilight to feel betrayed.
“I bought it at Walmart.” Spike lied.
"Walmart?” Twilight asked.
“Yes, Walmart.” Spike said.
“But the nearest Walmart to here is in Baltimare. You went all the way to Baltimare just to buy that outfit?” Twilight asked.
“What? You think I can find this kind of clothing here in Ponyville? I like Walmart, even though it’s driving Kmart and most grocery stores like Win-Dixie out of business.” Spike said.
“Right; so you want to help me out in practicing for the games?” Twilight asked.
“Sure! Not that you’ll need it; you’re going to be winning the games regardless, just like last year!” Spike said.
“Spike, you’re such a sweet-talker, just like that cupcake I met at Sugarcube Corner.” Twilight said.
Another cutaway takes place with Twilight visiting Sugarcube Corner. “Boy, I’m stuffed!” she said.
“Got room for a cupcake?” a cupcake asked.
“No thanks, I can’t eat another bite.” Twilight said.
“Why won’t you let me die?” the cupcake asked cheerfully. The cutaway ends.
So for the rest of the night, Spike and Twilight were practicing for the Unicorn Games together. Spike did pass out in the middle of the night, but they continued in the morning. Twilight practiced as much spells as she could for the games, or at least the ones that she thinks would interest other ponies; for example, the spell she used to bring her books to life in her library, and the spell did half-work; even though Twilight wanted the books to walk themselves onto the shelves, they just tried killing eachother, which forced Twilight to stop the spell. After that, she tried her ignore spell on Spike so he would stop eating the gems that were sitting in front of him, and even though it worked, Spike started drooling when he looked at Twilight. I guess it’s a good thing Spike likes to eat gems, it stops him from eating ponies.
Some other spells that Twilight used to practice with also include turning an inanimate object edible, make an object play polka music (foreshadow for future chapters, wink wink), her teleport spell of course, a spell that turns raw sewage water into fresh drinkable spring water, but when it was time to test out if that spell worked, neither Spike nor Twilight volunteered to drink it regardless, so they tried it on a random pony outside, like what those ponies do on those Febreeze commercials, and finally my favorite: a spell that turns mud into oatmeal. I know, Pinkie, it is crazy!
“Twilight, you’re a natural! You’re going to totally own that competition!” Spike said.
“C’mon, Spike, I wouldn’t say ‘own’, but I have the feeling you might be right.” Twilight said.
Just then, there was a knock on the door of the library. “It’s opened!” Twilight called out. The door slid opened, and on the other side of it was Rarity.
"Oh, it really is open." Spike said.
"Why wouldn't it be?" Twilight asked.
"Just a little experience that happened this morning." Spike said.
“Spike, good you’re here! I need some further assistance in practicing for the games, darling.” Rarity requested.
“Wait, hold on a second, Spike’s training with me right now.” Twilight corrected her.
“Well, I never!” Rarity said.
“Spike what is this about?” Twilight asked.
“I’m…. practicing with both of you for the Unicorn Games, so what?” Spike asked.
“So what? SO WHAT?!” Twilight yelled.
“Darling, it’s either me, or her!” Rarity said.
“Don’t make me choose!” Spike freaked out.
“You have to choose, Spike, because if you don’t, I’ll never have you help me out again.” Twilight promised.
“YOU WOULDN’T!” Spike yelled.
“I would never date if you don’t train with me, darling.” Rarity promised.
“Choose! Choose! Choose! Choose! Choose! Choose! Choose!” Twilight and Rarity both chanted at Spike. Spike started getting very uncomfortable and tried to back away from the two mares who were trying to get Spike to resist. Spike kept backing away until he walks upstairs towards the bedding areas.
Suddenly, Spike’s train set started riding towards him, and the toy train starts blowing it’s whistle, but it’s whistle makes it sound like it’s saying, “Choose, choose!” Spike then trips and falls on Twilight’s bed as Twilight and Rarity continued to chant very closely at his face.
"Heeeeeeey laaaaadies!" I said as I was standing on my hind legs, posing, and giving them a mischievous look on the staircase. "Awwww! Playing around in bed together? How cute is that! Lion face."
"What is it, Flare?" Twilight asked.
"I heard your conversation. Looks like we really have some competition!" I said.
"You're competing in the Unicorn Games too?" Rarity asked.
"Roger that! Mischievous face! And I got my bro Spike here to root for me in the contest, and he’s been training real hard with me! Right Spike ol bro?" I asked.
"Well.... uhhhh...." Spike froze.
"Spike? You promised Flare you were rooting for him? WHO ELSE ARE YOU ROOTING FOR?!” Rarity yelled.
"Spike, you said it yourself. You're rooting for me, remember?" Twilight asked.
"I don't think so Twilight, he said he was going to root for me first!" I corrected her.
"Spike, I'm your best friend! You've known me all your life!" Twilight said to Spike as she smiled at him.
"Spikey wikey, don't listen to them! I know you want to root for me!" Rarity said Spike as she fluttered her eyes at him.
"C'mon Spike, we're bros! Bros for life, brah! You wouldn't want to let a bro down! That's breaking the bro code!" I said.
"I got a big juicy Ruby, just for you!" Twilight promised.
"Non-sense, I'll give you my entire collection of rubies!" Rarity promised.
"Rubies don't even last long! I'll give you my spare XBUCKS 360; it'll last longer. Well, unless it has the red ring.” I promised.
"If you root for me, you don't have to do any chores for a month! I'll serve you! Anything your heart desires!" Twilight promised.
"I'll take you on a romantic vacation! You and me!" Rarity promised.
"I'll take you to ComicCon with me! You'll love it!" I promised.
“CHOOSE! CHOOSE! CHOOSE!” the three of us started chanting again. Spike began to scream on the top of his lungs until he woke up on his bed, escaping the nightmare. Spike nervously looked over at Twilight who was still sleeping in her bed and he checked the clock; it was 4 AM.
Spike sighed and said to himself, “I can’t choose. All three of you mean a lot to me, and I won’t let that spoil our friendship. It’s all or nothing! As Celestia as my witness, I’ll make sure none of my friends suffer with broken hearts because of my stubbornness!”
“I’ll tell you what’s stubborn: the cleanliness of bathrooms!” a skinny Vaudeville stallion said to Spike as he started to sing and dance. “Oh I had to take a poo today, but then I went and took a seat; oh the seat is all wet, and I don’t know where the toilet papers went, why doesn’t anypony clean those thiiiiiings!” as the Vaudeville stallion stopped singing, Spike just looked at him awkwardly. “Play me off, Johnny.” The stallion whispered to another fat Vaudeville stallion who played Galloping Gertie by Sam Fonteyn on his piano.
“Aren’t you two supposed to be dead?” Spike asked.
“After the afterlife, you become a pony.” The skinny stallion said.
“Ah, well I bet a lot of people are going to be pleased to hear that.” Spike nodded. Friendship is Epic is not responsible for any sudden deaths because of the lies this story makes.
The next day came, and it was time for the Unicorn Games. Everypony in town was at the bleachers cheering on, and the contestants on the field were getting ready for the games to begin. Pinkie Pie had been hopping around the bleachers, selling her sweets to the audience. “Cupcakes! Get your cupcakes here! Fresh from the oven! We got chocolate cupcakes, vanilla cupcakes, strawberry cupcakes, blueberry cupcakes, and even cupcake flavored cupcakes!”
“Hello? Yeah I’d like a cupcake please!” Meadow Song yelled out at Pinkie.
“Good call! Cupcakes are going to be the best thing I’m selling today!” Pinkie said.
“Really? You’re selling something else?” Meadow asked.
“Of course not, silly! How can I hold anything else in this tray? Duh!” Pinkie said.
“Ooooook, I guess I’ll take that cupcake.” Meadow pointed.
“Hurray! I’m going to be slaughtered today!” the high-pitched cupcake cheered.
“On second thought, I think I lost my appetite.” Meadow said with an uncomfortable tone. Meanwhile, over on the field, the unicorns were stretching out and practicing their spells before the contest, including Twilight and I. I was using my hornsaber spell to whack a punching bag with and Twilight uses her magic to make an earthworm read a novel about the history of turnips, but if you look inside the book, he’s actually reading a magazine on earthworm models. Lyra was participating for the games as well, using her magic on a harp, and there was a new brown unicorn wearing blue armor who’s also participating in the games by using his magic to make the water inside of a glass float out without a single drop falling on the ground. Comet Tail was also there; he uses his magic to turn an ordinary daisy into a bowl of beans for his pet skunk. After the skunk eats the beans, it toots a little, and it’s stink affects the rest of the unicorn contestants including Amethyst Star, Lemon Hearts, Minuette, Twinkleshine, Vinyl Scratch, Twilight Sky, and my friend Adventure 'Keith' Blade, which makes them all pass out and unable to participate in the games; afterwords, Comet Tail gets disqualified, which only leaves Twilight, Rarity, Lyra, the brown armored pony, and I as the only contestants left.
“Morning, dearies! Such a gorgeous day, isn’t it?” Rarity asked as she joins up with the rest of us in the field, wearing the dress she made for the contest.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked as I smirked at her.
“Nothing, darling. I was just wishing you all the best of luck!” Rarity said with a positive tone.
“She seems to have a large amount of enthusiasm today; I don’t trust it.” I whispered to Engie suspiciously
“Just ignore her, Flare. It’s unlike a pony to wear a beautiful dress like that during a competition.” Engie whispered back.
“Howdy, unicorns! Ah just wanted to wish y’all good luck for the games.” AppleJack said.
“Thanks, AppleJack, and thanks for letting us use your field as the spot to hold the games.” Twilight said.
”It’s mah pleasure!” AppleJack said. “Y’all ready to play?”
“Just remember, this isn’t a game.” Rainbow Dash said as she flies in.
“Uhh, actually Rainbow, it-“ AppleJack tried to correct Rainbow.
“You all are participating to for one whole day with Princess Celestia herself! Only one of you will be able to win, so keep your guard up, and your eyes pealed, because you’ll never know when somepony’s going to pounce!” Rainbow explained as she jumped behind me.
"AAAH! DON'T DO THAT!" I yelled as Rainbow startled me. "You know I get startled easily!"
“Its okay, Rainbow Dash. I’m not worried one bit!” Twilight said.
“Sounds kinda suspicious to hear you say that, Twilight.” I said with a suspicious tone.
“You up to something, Sparkle?” Crystal asked with the same tone as I.
“There’s really nothing to worry about, it’s only a game.” Twilight said.
“Of course you’re not worried, you’re Princess Celestia’s student! You know magic better than any of us!” Lyra said.
“C’mon, I’m not trying to sound superior or anything.” Twilight said.
“Relax, Twilight, they’re just trying give you lies so you’d go easy on them in the contest, but I know for sure that you will do your best!” Rarity said as she pats Twilight on the back.
“Thanks, Rarity. It’s good to be in a competition with a friend.” Twilight smiled.
“Do I sense an alliance?” Crystal asked.
“Ya better watch it Twilight, because she’s gonna stab you in the back at the last second.” Engie whispered to her.
“Engie!” Twilight yelled.
“Now don’t y’all freak out, alright? Remember, it’s just a game. These games are goin’ to be just nice clean fun. All of our contestants will be winnin’ a prize in the end just for participatin’, so no matter what, y’all will leave as winners!” AppleJack said.
“Thank you, AppleJack. See? There’s nothing to worry about, it’s only a game.” Twilight said as she glares at us.
“Oh snap. That glare ain’t a good sign.” Crystal whispered to me.
“Ah wouldn’t worry too much ‘bout her, ah’m worried ‘bout him.” Engie whispers as he pointed to the brown pony with the blue armor, teal eyes, and blue and green wavy mane. “He seems pretty quiet.”
“He seems shy.” Crystal said.
“Don’t let that fool ya. Remember, Flare, don’t let yer guard down.” Engie informed me.
“Thanks, Engie!” I smiled and nodded.
“Good luck, partner!” Engie said.
“Won’t need it.” I said.
“Now that we’re all calm and ready, let us begin these games!” AppleJack said, but just then, AppleJack gets hit in the head by a Microsoft Pad. “OW! What in tarnation?”
“Yeeaaaaah! That’ll show you, Apples! Microsoft rules!” Bill Gates’ gate yelled as him and his angel statue starts throwing Microsoft technology at her and Big Mac until they run away. “That’s right, you thieves! RUN!”
After a few minutes went by, Fluttershy signaled her birds to start singing as AppleJack was just about to start up the games. "Good morning, everypony, and welcome to the 10th annual Ponyville Unicorn Games!" AppleJack said while speaking on a microphone. "Today seems like a nice day for some unicorn magic, wouldn’chya agree Big Mac?”
“Eeyup!” Big Mac agreed.
“And it looks like our contestants are getting in their positions, and we’re sure going to have a fun party after this!” Pinkie said on the mic.
“Pinkie? You aren’t an announc- nevermind. Ya got that right, Pinks, and as soon as the contestants are in position and are good ‘n ready like Granny Smith’s homemade pies, we’ll be ready to start off the games!” AppleJack said.
"Good luck ladies! You're gonna need it! Winky face.” I said.
"Thank you, but I don't need your luck. I can win this contest with my eyes closed!" Lyra said.
"Oh that can be arranged!” I smirked at her. Twilight felt a little upset, which worried Rarity.
“What’s wrong, Twilight?” Rarity asked.
“You afraid you’re gonna lose?” I teased.
“Limit your teasing, Flare, that’s the next step of your friendship lesson.” Rarity advised me.
“Jeez, these friendship lessons are tough!” I complained.
“I’m feeling a bit troubled, Rarity. Spike hasn’t shown up for the games at all.” Twilight said.
“He might be running a little late, dear. Maybe he had to find something to snack on along the way.” Rarity said.
“I hope you’re right. It isn’t like Spike to just not show up unannounced.” Twilight said.
“I’m really gonna be upset if he doesn’t come. Everypony in town is here, and I’m tired of seeing Spike left out.” I complained.
Rainbow Dash blows her whistle and said, "Alright unicorns, let's show Equestria what you're made of! We're just about to start, so get ready, stay cool, and be awesome! Not as awesome as me, but you know."
"Yeah, tell that to the others!" Lyra teased.
AppleJack starts introducing the contestants. "Our first unicorn is one with love and compassion, she's good with the harp, and has the magic of great understandin’ and love! Please give a big round of applause to Lyra Heartstrings!" The crowd cheers for Lyra as she waves at the other ponies.
Pinkie introduces the next contestant. "Our next contestant knows great magics with anything that's liquid! He’s an exchange pony from a village in the outskirts of Equestria, and has a very silly accent! Give it up for Aquatic Armor!" The crowd cheers for the brown pony in the field.
“Wow, I thought I was the newest pony in town?” I asked excitedly to Aqua.
"Well, I pretty much didn’t have a choice. It got destroyed so long ago.” Aqua said.
"Your village was destroyed? I feel bad, man. I'm so sorry." I said.
"Eh, it's alright. I got over it. It's just me and my sister Wind Racer. It’s pretty lonesome out there, but we do what we can to make sure we’re not bothered.” Aqua said.
"Oh, alright. The names Flare B-T-W.” I said as I held my hoof for him.
"Nice to meet ya. I'm Aquatic Armor." Aqua said, shaking my hoof.
"We should hang sometime. I’m getting kinda tired of hanging with Engie and Crystal all the time.” I teased and chuckled.
Aqua chuckled a bit. “That’s funny.”
"Who said I was joking?" I asked.
AppleJack introduces the next contestant; "Up next is the unicorn that knows the passion for fashion! She knows every little detail, and can be a great distraction for any of the male ponies! Give it up for Rarity!" The crowd cheers for Rarity. Rarity waves and blows everypony kisses.
Pinkie introduces next. "Our next unicorn is the unicorn that knows the magic of friendship! She once saved Ponyville from a Ursa Minor and can preform more magic spells than anypony! Well, anypony I've ever seen that is. Give it up for Ponyville's own Twilight Sparkle!" The crowd cheers. Twilight waves and activates her horn. She uses her magic to take muffins from the snack stand and gives everypony one, and of course Twilight leaves several bits on the stand for seller.
"MUFFINS!" Derpy yelled in excitement as she grabs one for herself, and then she grabs 11 more from the ponies around her, and the ponies she stole the muffins from glare at her.
AppleJack was next to introduce; "And last, but certainly not least: This unicorn knows how to make anypony laugh! He owns the best pizza parlor in Equestria and you'll get a kick outta his magic! Put your hooves together for Crimson Flare Gun!"
As the crowd cheers for me, I stand up on my hind legs and yell; "I'MA FIRIN MAH LAZOR! SHOOP DA WHOOP!" I went back on his fours, places my head down, and a giant laser shoots out of my horn and it hits the snack bar, and food and drinks start falling from the sky, and the audience catches some, and then I bow to the audience. “Beat that, Sparkle!”
“Flare, I didn’t want to destroy the entire snack bar; that was so unnecessary!” Twilight said.
“I’ll pay for the damages, don’t worry. Ooo rhyme! Unnecessary and worry!” I pointed out and chuckled.
"I don't think that even rhy- nevermind." Twilight said with an irritated tone.
“Alrighty then, everypony! Now that we’re all good to go, let us begin the-“ AppleJack gets interrupted from fog that suddenly appears near the edge of the field.
A shadow appears in the fog. "Fillies and gentlecolts!" a voice from the fog started. "Prepare to be amazed by the power of the Great and Powerful Trixie!" The fog clears up and Trixie reveals herself to the crowd.
"What in tarnation?" AppleJack yelled. "Is she suppose to be here? I thought we ran her out of town?"
"I guess she's back in time for the unicorn games. Let's see her get humiliated again!" Rainbow said mischievously.
"Hear this Ponyville! The Great and Powerful Trixie has improved! No more making up stories this time, because the Great and Powerful Trixie will win the Unicorn Games by default" Trixie yelled as confetti pops out from behind her. Trixie twitches as she walks strangely towards the field.
"Well, well, well! The Great and Powerful Trixie! Ready to get out-magiced, again?" Twilight teased.
"Stand aside, worthy opponent!" Trixie said with her hoof out. "The Great and Powerful Trixie will never again be out-magiced, be-because Great and Powerful Trixie...."
"Yawn!" I said. “You bore me sista. Zee zee zee zee."
“Target spotted.” Trixie said to herself as she looked at me. "Well who is this? Another unicorn to humiliate? Well no offense, but not even your pathetic magic can beat the Great and Powerful Trixie;s!"
"Have you even ever seen my magic, Great Annoying Trixie? LAWL LAWL LAWL!" I teased.
“Wow, and you call me annoying.” Trixie said with an irritated tone.
"With my shoop da whoop on my side, nothing can stop the Leet and Hilarious Flare Gun! Duda duh-duh dada! Pony power!" I yelled.
"Don’t you dare steal Trixie’s phrase!” Trixie demanded.
“You shouldn’ve come back, Trixie.” Rainbow warned Trixie as she flew close to her face.
“Indeed, I mean I am a lady, and I don’t mean to use bizarre language, but…. We’re gonna kick your flank right out of the park!” Rarity yelled at her as she and Twilight walk over to their positions so they can start the first competition.
“You will be next, Twilight Sparkle, once I get done with my primary objective, this whole t-t-town will feel Trixie’s wrath!” she yelled.
“Primary objective? What does she mean by that?” Engie asked.
“Don’t know, don’t care. Never met her before, but I wonder what she done before to upset some of these ponies?” I asked.
“Well, whatever she did, I doubt she’ll have a good reputation or odds in winning these games.” Crystal said.
A few minutes later, the first round was about to begin, so AppleJack grabs hold of a microphone and explains the first event. "Fillies and Gentlecolts, time for our first fun event: The Target Range! Each unicorn would have to use their special magic to destroy each target!"
"Wow, AppleJack. Looks like it's going to take alot to break these targets! They look like they're made of wood!" Pinkie said. "Let's see who's the best at destroying the wooden targets! Whoever destroys the target in the most epic way, or at least epic enough to impress Gummy here, wins!" Gummy, Pinkie's alligator, was just standing there on Pinkie's back with an emotionless look on his face.
Rainbow Dash flies up to the sky and blows her whistle, signaling the unicorns to begin. Lyra Heartstrings first uses her harp spell and played it for the target, although the target was still in place. Lyra gets mad and starts playing her harp spell even harder, but nothing happens. Eventually she gets really mad and kicks the target and the target gets knocked down; she then smiles and gives out a squee. Aquatic was next; he used his magic to bring the water from the river nearby and uses it to splash on the target, knocking it over. "I could've done it better myself. Don't you girls, agree?" Gru from Despicable Me who was in the audience asked his three little girls; Margo and Edith nodded, but Agnes, who was on a leash was spazing out in her seat.
"SO MANY FLUFFLY UNICORNS!" Agnes freaked out. "SO FLUFFY I'M GONNA DIE!" Back with the unicorns in the games, Rarity uses her magic to decorate her target. The target does indeed look beautiful, but it was still in place. Twilight uses her power to summon a giant rock, and smashing the target with it. Rarity starts feeling uncomfortable with THAT particular rock around.
"Oh yeah? The great and powerful Trixie can do better than all of you! Watch the power of Trixie to see how true magic works!" Trixie summons a dark cloud and uses lightning bolts that were created by the cloud to destroy the target. "Top that!"
"Affirmative! I'MA CHARGIN' MAH LAZOR!" I yelled as my horn starts glowing, and then my giant laser completely vaporize the target, and the audience seemed pretty impressed. I guess no one seen the Lazor Collection videos on YouTube then.
"Alrighty then! Time to vote on who wins this round! Each of you received a notepad from my Granny Smith. Write down whoever you think that won, and send in your votes." AppleJack explained to the audience.
"Actually, your Granny Smith gave us all a cod." Sassaflash said to AppleJack, holding a big cod in her hooves.
“See? My shoop spell’s the best.” I said.
“Ha! Lasers? Pshaw! No magic can ever beat lightning, especially Trixie’s lighting!” Trixie said as she gets zapped by Rainbow Dash’s personal thunder cloud. “HEY!”
“You said no magic beats lightning.” Rainbow teased as she started laughing and rolling around on her thunder cloud.
"I beg to differ, I really liked what Rarity did to her target." Aqua said.
"Are you kidding? While Flare has that SHOOP DA WHOOP, he's invulnerable!" Lyra said.
“Oh c’mon, dearie, my magic wasn’t half as good as Twilight’s, but did you really have to use that particular rock?” Rarity asked.
“What’s wrong with that rock?” Twilight asked.
“It just… it just gave me flashbacks.” Rarity said.
“Oh, I’m sorry, Rarity.” Twilight said.
"I thought you were good." I said.
“Well, thank you, Flare!” Twilight said.
"But I did better!” I teased as I started laughing. “See what I did there? I made you think I was complimenting you, but… umm…”
“Remember, darling: the teasing.” Rarity reminded me.
“Oh, was that too much?” I asked.
“Indeed it was.” Rarity nodded.
“My bad.” I said.
“It’s ok.” Twilight said.
“What was that all about?” Aqua asked.
“Flare’s learnin’ how to be polite and more friendly to others so he can have more friends.” Engie explained.
“Am I doing good so far, Twilight?” I asked.
“You’re improving, I’ll give you that.” Twilight said.
"And the votes are in! YAY!" Pinkie yelled in excitement. "And the winner is......" just then Pinkie started to laugh.
"What's so funny?" AppleJack asked.
"Looking at paper, it... it.... IT MAKES ME LAUGH!" Pinkie fell back to the ground and started laughing real hard.
"Oooook then.... anyways, our winner is.... FLARE GUN, for his impressive laser-type... spell.... thing." AppleJack said.
"It's called a Shoop Da Whoop, AppleJack!" I corrected her.
"Right... right." AppleJack nodded.
"Oh yeah! Like a boss! LIKE A BOSS! LIKE A BOSS! BOSS BOSS BOSS!" I yelled in excitement as the audience cheered for me. “See? As long as I use my shoop, nothing can stop me!” I was pretty excited to hear my popularity in town going up, but my excitement died down when somepony through a tomato at me.
“OP!” that pony yelled.
“Who said that?! Show yourself!” I yelled.
Trixie then walks over to me and leans close to my face and said; "You might have been lucky this time, but mark my words: this will be your only win!"
"Kay." I said as I took out a pad and wrote down all that Trixie said to me, and then Trixie smacks my notepad away. “Well that wasn’t very nice.”
"You were a loser back in Mareami and you'll always be one! Count on it!" Trixie whispered to me and then walked away.
"I can count! I can count to 1... 2... wait, what?" I asked confusingly. I was quite surprised to hear Trixie say that to me. Why did she say that to me? I mean, I know everypony thought she was a jerk, and I do too right now, but... how did she know I was from Mareami? How did she know I was a.... ahem.... not a winner when I was living there? What's the catch going on here?
After a few minutes went by, it was time for the next event: "Our next event is the Magic of Cookin’!" AppleJack announced. "Our contestants must cook up a great meal! Our judges are Bon Bon, Ditzy Doo, and Berry Punch! After our contestants make their meals, whoever impresses the judges the most will win this round!
“Well, I don’t mean to brag, but I can cook a fine cuisine which may one day be the top meal in Canterlot.” Rarity said.
“Dream on, Rare! I’m a restaurant owner, so I’m pretty much the most experienced cook here.” I said.
“You forget, you have one of your chefs in the contest.” Lyra smirked at me.
“Oooo, I’m not going to do well in this. Spike does all the cooking.” Twilight said. Rainbow then flies up to us and blows her whistle, and all the unicorns started using their magic to cook some meals. Lyra started making a pizza.
"Hey I was going to make that!" I complained to her.
“Hey, Flare, like you said, you got your shoop da whoop by your side; with that you’ll be invulnerable!” Lyra said.
"Okie dokie! IMA FIRIN MAH LAZOR!" I yelled as I then used my spell to destroy all my cooking supplies. "Oops. Well… this is an embarrassing. Can I get some more supplies?” The judges shook their heads at my question. I didn’t get any supplies, so I lost the round. I guess after I was called OP, it kinda hurt my feelings, and I got mad and confused. Well I made my choice, and I’m not going to use that spell anymore in the contest; I made my point, and I’m VERY exhausted right now. I never used that spell three times in one day, I’m lucky to still be breathing, really!
"I guess it's not all the time your shoop da whoop comes in handy, huh?" Twilight asked as she whips up a disgusting looking batch of tacos, Rarity makes a delicious looking cake, and putting figurines of her and a stylish looking pony on top.
“Oh, Trenderhoof, what a dreamy stallion you are.” Rarity said as she fluttered her eyes at the figurines. "You will soon be mine, and then we'll be spending the rest of our lives together! Doing laundry together, cooking, walking around Canterlot wearing fancy clothes and having our heads lean far behind our backs.... those will be the days!" Trixie uses her magic to summon spirits to cook her food for her.
“Is that cheating?” Lyra asked.
“Unfortunately, it’s not. She’s usin' her magic and that’s what the main rule is.” AppleJack explained. And finally, Aqua makes a little ginger-bread village. After that, everypony was done.
"Alright, everypony looks like their done cooking. Now for the judges!" AppleJack said. The judges went over to taste Twilight's tacos first.
"Ew! That's disgusting! I'm not even gonna try this!" Bonnie commented.
“The rules say you have to.” Berry corrected her.
"Look I'm not really good cook. Between the two of us, Spike's the one that makes the meals." Twilight said.
"Aw c'mon Bon Bon, don't be like that! Don't knock it till you tried it!" Berry suggested as she picked up a taco, eats it, then spits it out.
"My turn!" Derpy said as she pushes Bonnie out of the way, takes a taco and eats it. "Hmm! This is delicious!" As she licked her lips, Bonnie and Berry gave Derpy a very disgusted look. They next went over to my destroyed cooking area. They say nothing, and then they walked over to the Aqua's ginger-bread town and tasted it.
“Hey you skipped me!” I complained.
”You have nothing there.” Berry said.
Derpy went over to munch on my destroyed area. “Mmm! Tastes like air!"
"Best thing I had so far, I'll say." Bonnie complimented Aqua’s gingerbread village.
"I agree." Berry said.
"It doesn’t have a taste in it.” Derpy said as she took a taste of Aqua’s village.
"Exactly." Bon Bon and Berry said at the same time as they walked over to Rarity's cake and gave it a taste.
"Hmmm! I wouldn't be surprised if you were going to make the royal wedding cake!" Bonnie complimented
"Aw, the dolls you put on top look so cute!" Berry said.
"Vanilla? Where's the chocolate? This cake lacks chocolate." Derpy said.
Just then, the judges went to check out Trixie's spaghetti that has eyeballs inside. "My fellow judges, I give you the Great and Powerful Trixie's Spaghetti and Eyeballs!" Trixie said.
"Ew! No!" Bonnie said.
"Eyeballs, really?" Berry asked.
"Stop teasing me!" Derpy yelled. And lastly they tasted Lyra's pizza.
"Oh, automatic winner!" Bonnie said.
"But you didn't even taste it yet." Lyra informed her.
"I don't have to taste it to know that it's good." Bonnie smiled.
“Aww that’s so nice, Bonnie, but you’re the judge and it’s your job.” Lyra said.
“I work with you; I pretty much know what it tastes like.” Bonnie reminded her.
Berry was next to give the pizza a taste. "Amazing!” she said impressively. “I got to tell someone about this!" then Berry starts singing and dancing around. "Hey all you ponies, hey all you ponies, hey all you ponies won't you listen to meeeeeee! I just had a pizza, no ordinary pizza, a pizza made by Lyra Heartstrings!" Just then Berry starts giving some of the pizza to the other contestants and audience members. "Hey man, you got to try this pizza. It's no ordinary pizza. It's the tastiest pizza in Equestria!" Then Berry stood on the cooking counters and continued; "AH De ba da ba doo ba da ba de ba da da yeeeeeeeeeaaaaah! Thank you!" Berry bowed as the crowd cheered.
"Looks like we have our winner - Lyra Heartstrings!" AppleJack said as the crowd cheered for her.
“You know, Lyra, I could sue you for using MY recipe.” I reminded her.
“I didn’t use YOUR recipe.” Lyra corrected me.
Trixie got mad and walked close to Lyra's face. "You're messing with the wrong unicorn, sister." she said to her.
“I’m only participating in the contest.” Lyra said.
"Hey leave her alone, Trixie!" Twilight demanded.
"Oh yeah? Who's going to stop me?" Trixie teased.
I growled at Trixie, looking like I was going to attack her. “YOU are messing with the wrong unicorn, sista! Lyra’s my friend, and I don’t want you doing all your mean, meanie…. Umm…..”
“Meanie magical meanie pantsy stuff?” Pinkie asked.
“YES! Exactly what Pinkie said!” I said.
“The meanie magical meanie pants that’s going to be knocked into next week?” Pinkie asked.
“Exactly!” I said.
“The meanie magical meanie pants that’s going to be knocked into next week, and the meanie pants is sized 32?” Pinkie asked.
“YES- wait what?” I asked.
"Very well then, Lyra here is not on my humiliation list, but I know one of you is." Trixie said as she walked and smirked at us and walked away.
“I don’t mean to point hooves, but that unicorn is a real jerk.” Aqua said.
“I met lots of real jerks back in Mareami, brah. Compare her to them.” I said.
“I don’t think I ever met them, mate.” Aqua said.
“And it’s a good thing you don’t, my friend. It’s a good thing you don’t. You know, I thought my life was terrible, but you come from a destroyed village. How did it get destroyed?” I asked.
“It’s a very long story, my village got destroyed by dragons.” Aqua said.
“Umm… that… that’s not a long story.” I corrected him.
“I know, I’ll tell ya the rest another time.” Aqua said. I was thinking about this Aquatic Armor pony until the next contest started; his life seems very interesting to me, I mean, not interesting as in good, interesting as in something I’d like to learn.
Anyways, the next event was a music contest; Lyra was obviously using her harp spell to play a song of the angels which really wooed the audience, Trixie used her magic to create a snake charmer pony which made a bunch of snakes appear in the fields, which scared all of us half to death. Rarity used her magnificent singing voice to woo the audience. Twilight had experience on the piano while she was in Celestia’s school, so she played the pipe organ; I played an accordion, and Aqua played a banjo. Aqua ironically won that round. I mean seriously, a banjo?!
The event after that was a decorating contest, and Rarity won that obviously, no need to go into detail. Alright I’ll go into detail. Twilight made a little figurine out of paperclips, thumb-tacks, popsicle sticks, and a paddle ball without the paddle. Lyra used her harp spell to make Fluttershy’s bird friends to fly together and combine themselves until the shape they made was a replica of a bigger bird, and that’s not all, the birds moved to make it look like the bigger bird shape that made was flapping its wings. That was pretty impressive, but is the harp spell the only spell Lyra knows how to do? Aqua used his magic to make a water sculpture of Starswirl the Bearded, which impressed Twilight big time. Trixie used her magic to gather all the statues around town, and smash them together to create an even bigger statue of Trixie herself. I didn’t know what to make, so I just drew a clown face on Trixie’s statue, and even though it’s considered cheating, the whole town laughed, and you know what? It was so worth it! And finally, Rarity used the tattered cloth from the destroyed snack bar to create a few impressive looking striped dresses. Rarity won the round!
Next came the magic trick contest; Twilight and Trixie tied for that one, since they knew some pretty good magic tricks. Now, it is time for the FINAL ROUND! Pinkie whispered on her microphone, "Alright everypony, time for the final event, and in this event, you must go through this obstacle course, without using magic!”
“Pinkie, why are you whisperin’?” AppleJack asked.
“I can’t talk with my mouth full.” Pinkie said with a mouth full of cupcakes. "But nopony said anything about whispering with your mouth full."
AppleJack rolled her eyes and said, “Now for the obstacle course, first you must balance on the beam and avoid getting knocked over by those hammer thingamajigs going back and forth, because if you get hit by them, you'll fall into a puddle of spoiled apple sauce that SOMEPONY left out of the fridge too long!” She glared at Big Mac and he just stood there,whistling. “Then you must swing from rope to rope and avoid fallin' into the water. If you fall, you'll have to start that part of the course all over again; and lastly, y’all must climb the rock-climbing wall and reach the top and take the flag. Whoever gets the flag first will be our champion!"
"Wow, this looks pretty difficult." Twilight said.
"I agree. I don't want to get water all over my mane.” Rarity said.
"Easy pe-pe-pe-pessy! The Great and Powerful Trixie doesn't need ma-magic to get through this course! She passed through much, much worse.” Trixie said.
"This is going to be possum grade awesome! Parking lot here I come!” I said.
"It's Canterlot, not parking lot.” Lyra corrected me.
"Whatever! I'm still gonna win! Flex! Flex! Flex!" I flexed.
“Good luck, ladies.” Aqua said.
”And guy.” I reminded him.
“Says the pony that screamed like a little girl during the magic trick competition when Trixie turned that carrot into a three-headed dragon.” Aqua reminded me.
“I told you, that was Rarity.” I fibbed.
“I’m only statin’ facts here.” Aqua said.
“Oh where’s Spike when you really need him?” Twilight asked in worry.
"Are you unicorn ready?" Rainbow Dash asked us.
“Ready as spaghetti.” I said.
“Flare speaks for all of us.” Lyra said.
Rainbow blew her whistle and we all ran to the balance beam trying avoiding the rubber things that tried to hit us. Lyra and I got hit a couple of times and fell over, Trixie pushes Rarity and Twilight over, which got them angry.
“AAH! MY MANE!” Rarity cried.
“Did Trixie just push us over on purpose?” Twilight asked.
“Oh it is on!” Rarity said angrily.
“Cheating is never the best solution, Rarity.” Twilight reminded her.
Aqua and Trixie made it over without problems, and they eventually made it to the rope swinging. Aqua was first, but Trixie pushed him out of his own rope and took it. Lyra gets mad, and then pushes Trixie out of the rope swing and she falls into the water and is forced to start over. Lyra, Rarity, Twilight and I finally made rope swing. “Isn’t this fun? I’m having fun!” I said excitedly to the other contestants.
“I’d be havin’ a lot more fun if that blue unicorn wasn’t cheatin’.” Aqua admitted.
“I-D-K what you’re talking about, Aqua. This is more fun than a dwarf is among midgets.” I said.
A cutaway shows three midget ponies along with one dwarf pony inside a grocery market. A midget asks the dwarf, “Can you reach the Alphabits?” he pointed to the Alphabits which is on the shelf right on top of the bottom shelf.
“YES I can.” The dwarf said. The cutaway ends.
“You all are going down! Trixie will be the winner of the Ponyville Uni-uni-unicorn G-g-ga-!” Trixie yelled from behind. "Speech error occurred."
“She’s catching up!” Twilight pointed out as we all started running over to the rock climbing wall and started to climb it. We had a pretty hard time climbing it, and since we can’t use magic and not having fingers doesn’t help; we all slipped a couple of times and fell a couple of rocks, but luckily we didn't fall all the way down to the ground. Trixie and Aqua eventually caught up to us. Luckily back when I was younger, I was able to get away from my bullies by climbing, so I was doing pretty well, and so was Aqua; he was catching up, but I was in the lead. I was almost to the top along with Twilight, Rarity and Lyra behind me. Trixie was getting really upset for being way behind and she lost hope of winning.
"Fine, if I can't win, NOPONY CAN!" she yelled as she shoots a laser beam from her horn at me; Aqua spots the laser and he thought fast by making a water shield to cover me, and I was pretty shocked to see what he did for me.
“Brah, there’s no magic allowed in this contest.” I reminded him.
“No more. I’ve seen too much pain and destruction in my past, and I won’t see another pony fall because of evilness.” Aqua said. At this moment, I thought the Mane Six was teaching me about friendship, but now I see there are others who are teaching me as well. I know magic wasn’t allowed so I levitated Aqua up to my height so we were both tied. “What are ya doin?” he asked.
“We’re winning this together, amigo! You broke a rule for me, I’m breaking a rule for you. Sometimes you have to break the rules for other pony's sakes, and for helping friends out, you’ll always be a winner!”
“I’m proud of you, Flare!” Twilight said from behind. “Now go! Win this thing!” Aqua and I continued to climb up, and we were so close to the top. Trixie started to get angrier.
“Oh no you don’t!” Trixie yelled as she shot another laser over at Lyra, which makes her let go of the rock wall and falls to the ground and lands on her front right hoof. Lyra started screaming in pain.
"LYRA!" Bonnie yelled.
Just before I was in reaching distance of the flag, I heard Lyra’s screaming and I looked down and I saw her, and I saw Trixie laughing evilly. I got so angry, and what Aqua taught me is put to the test. I jumped off the rock climbing wall and landed on the ground with my hooves. "ANGRY FACE!" I yelled. "NOW THAT'S WHERE I DRAW THE LINE!”
“This line?” Crystal asked, showing me a drawing of a line.
“Not now, Crystal! This is personal now!” I said to her as I charged at Trixie, and levitated her and smashed her against the wall. I started yelling in her face, spraying spit on her as I talked; "LISTEN YOU FAKE MAGICIAN: YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST BREAK THE RULES JUST MAKE OTHERS MISERABLE ALONG WITH YOU?! YOU MESSED WITH WRONG UNICORN SISTER! VERY ANGRY FACE! Wow... how many times did I say that?"
Meanwhile, Twilight and Rarity made it to the top and took the flag at the same time. "Looks like we have our winners!" AppleJack yelled. "It's a tie: Rarity and Twilight Sparkle are our champions of this year's Ponyville Unicorn Games!"
"And it looks like they win the free trip with Princess Celestia on a week vacation in Canterlot!" Pinkie added. Twilight and Rarity cheered and danced while hugging eachother, but were unaware of what went on with Trixie and I.
"Well it looks like you lost." Trixie laughed at me. "You see what you did? You think it
was wise to give away your win just to threaten the great and powerful Trixie? You'll never win at anything Flare Gun! One way or another, you'll always be a loser!"
"So? Who cares if I didn't win? Who cares if I didn't win the trip to parking lot?!” I asked.
“Canterlot.” Engie corrected me.
“WHATEVER!” I yelled. “Who cares if I'm not the 10th annual Unicorn Game championship? It's still not right to injure other contestants just because you're a sore loser!” I grabbed Trixie by the cape and said; "Terrible and Sore Loser Trixie, if I EVER catch you in MY town again, hurting other pony's feelings, SO HELP ME WIZARD OF FEELINGS, I'LL MAKE YOU SLEEP WITH THE FISHES!" I threatened her. "I'm going to go fishing, get a big barrel of fish, grab you, and stuff you in the barrel of fish, and lock in there all night long! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?!"
“You don’t scare me, Crimson! He’ll be coming for you!” Trixie said.
“Who will be coming for me?” I asked as I looked at a strange logo on her cape that showed a black circle with a red ‘S’ on it. “And what’s that logo on your cape?”
Trixie pushes me away and then looks at everypony in Ponyville in the audience with an evil look on her face. "Hear me out Ponyville, you may have won this round, but mark my words, you have NOT seen the last of the Great and Powerful Trixie!" she said as a cloud of smoke appears where she's standing. The cloud disappears revealing Trixie in a little girl's tutu. Everypony in Ponyville laughs at her. Trixie starts tearing up and runs away.
"AND STAY OUT!” Rainbow Dash yelled.
I ran over to Lyra who was lying down on the ground, still in pain.. "Lyra, you alright, sista?” I asked.
"I'm fine, Flare. Just a broken hoof is all." Lyra said.
“A broken hoof? How is that fine?” Engie asked.
"Lyra, I am so sorry Trixie did that to you.” I said.
"It's not your fault, Flare. You did a wonderful job! Trixie is now on the run again, crying! I owe you one, Flare!" Lyra said with a smile.
"Thanks, Lyra!" I said. "Just for that, I'll give you a week paid-vacation! Not including hospital days!"
"Thanks Flare!" Lyra said as a couple of paramedics showed up to take her to the hospital.
Fluttershy flew over to Flare and hugged him. "Wow, Flare! That was very brave of you! Woohoo!" she said very softly.
"Yeah, ah'll say. Trixie looked like she was more humiliated than last time she was here!" AppleJack said.
"You were awesome, Flare! Even though Twilight and Rarity won, you were the winner in my book!" Rainbow said.
“Don’t thank me, thank Aquatic Armor! He’s the one that taught me that lesson.” I said.
“I did?” Aqua asked.
“Yes you did, brah! You broke a game rule to make sure I didn’t get hurt, and I owe you BIG TIME for that.” I said.
“It’s no big deal really. I had nothin’ better to do.” Aqua said.
“What? No friends to hang out with?” I asked.
“Just my sister really.” Aqua said.
“How about you hang out with Engie, Crystal, and I?” I suggested as I placed my hoof around him and smiled.
“Well… sure, why not?” Aqua smiled and said.
“Yay! We have a fourth member of our group!” Crystal cheered.
“Aqua, that is some cool armor! Where’d ya get it?” Engie asked.
“It’s a family heirloom. It’s pretty much the only thing I have left with my family.” Aqua said.
“Praise the Wizards!” I yelled as Twilight and Rarity walked over to me with their trophy. “G-G you two! Great game!" I shook their hooves. "Even though I was so close to winning, I didn't want to see that jerk hurt my friends and get away with it!"
"She might have had us too if it wasn't for you, dear.” Rarity said.
"Don’t thank me, I just got off for Lyra. You two were doing fine. I can't believe I resorted to violence though. I never threatened a pony like that before.” I said.
"I must admit, at times you need to work on that friendship, but you really improved today, Flare.” Twilight said.
“Yeah, I am very impressed!” Spike said, joining with us.
“Spike? Where have you been all day?” Twilight asked.
“I didn’t wanna come. I didn’t want any of you to hate me.” Spike said.
“Hate you? Why would I hate you?” Twilight asked.
“You see, I was training with Flare, you, AND Rarity before the games, but if you found out I was doing that, you would want me to choose.” Spike said. Rarity and Twilight looked at eachother and laughed. “What’s so funny? I don’t get it, did I say a joke? Is my underwear showing? Wait, I don’t have underwear.”
“Spikey, we’d never hate you for training with all three of us, and you don’t have to choose.” Rarity said.
“I don’t?” Spike asked.
“No, silly! You can train with whoever you want!” Twilight said.
“As long as it wasn’t Trixie.” Rainbow whispered.
"Well, the lunch rush is going to be coming soon, and I'm short a chef, so I better get going back to the shop. You two have fun in Canterlot.” I said to Twilight and Rarity.
Rarity and Twilight looked at eachother feeling bad. "You thinking what I'm thinking Rarity?" Twilight asked.
"I agree 100%!" Rarity nodded as she called for me. "Darling, wait!"
“I didn’t go anywhere.” I corrected her.
Rarity rolled her eyes and gave me her and Twilight’s tickets for Canterlot. "Here.... I believe these are for you!"
"Forty-five degree angle mouth face.” I said.
“What?” Twilight asked.
“It’s the colleen slash face; you know, concerned look? Anyways, why are you giving me these?” I asked.
"Cause you earned them." Twilight said.
"No I didn't. You two won, not me." I said.
"Have you ever been to Canterlot before?” Twilight asked.
“Negative.” I said.
“Then here, take a friend with you to Canterlot.” Twilight said.
“I have no idea why you’re giving me all this. All I did was threaten a pony. Is that a friendship lesson? This town confuses me, and I can still see Bill Gates over there throwing old XBUCKS consoles at AppleJack and Big Mac.” I said.
“Flare, to be honest, we didn’t know how much we’d teach you in a short time, so here’s your reward.” Twilight said.
"It would be an honor if you just took the trip to Canterlot. I mean, we've been there before.” Rarity said.
“Wow… I… holy… Wizard… of… Strength. I don’t believe this. I got a crush!” I said.
“Wait, what?” Twilight asked.
“You had a crush on me, I knew it! Nopony is immune from Flare Gun’s charms!” I said with a seductive look. Twilight and Rarity chuckled and shook their heads.
“Oh, Flare.” Twilight said, giving me the ‘oh, you’ face.
“Oh me! That’s right! I’m a winner! This is the Equestrian dream I was looking for! Friends who truly care for me.” I said.
Crystal sniffled and started to cry all over Engie and Aqua. Her tears showered out of her eyes like a waterfall. “I always knew this would be a happy ending.” She said.
"I just wish the princess was here to see us now." Twilight said.
"That can be arranged!" Princess Celestia said as she stood right behind Rarity and Twilight.
"Pur-pur-pur-pur-pur-pur-pur-pur-pur-pur-pur-pur-pur...." I kept studdering but Twilight hit me on the shoulder, hoping that would help. "Princess Coolestia?!"
"Celestia." Twilight corrected me.
"Celestia? Holy Wizard of Hope! Wow, I am so happy face to meet you at last!" I said impressively.
"Likewise!" Celestia said.
“So where’s Luna? She with you?” I asked.
“No, did you want her?” Celestia asked.
“Kinda, yeah.” I nodded.
"Flare, your actions for saving your friends, and standing up for them, won't go unrewarded!" Celestia said.
"Does this mean I get a free keychain?!" I asked very excitedly.
"Uhhhh, no." Celestia said. "I'm giving all four of you a free trip week trip to Canterlot for winning!”
"Pardon me, your highness, but Twilight and Rarity here won, so… that’s two, for all do respect.” Aqua cleared his throat.
“Indeed, Twilight and Rarity DID win the Unicorn Games, but all four of you won over the true meaning of what friendship is about.” Celestia said.
“Ok, I’m lost.” Crystal said.
“Of course, it’s so obvious! Aqua broke a game’s rule to protect me, which taught me to sacrifice my winnings to save the other contestants, which made Rarity and Twilight win, and then they felt Aqua and I deserved the vacation to Canterlot, am I right?” I asked.
“You sure are!” Twilight nodded.
“Good, because my next guess was because Celestia is the ruler and she can do whatever the hay she wants us to do, because hey, she and Luna are the rulers, and we’re supposed to do what they say, not that we give a toot.” I explained. Twilight, Rarity, and Celestia started laughing. “Was that supposed to be a joke?” I asked.
“So Flare, who shall watch the shop while you’re gone and you’re short of an employee?” Spike asked.
“Meh, Pinkie will do it, Flutters can you watch my fish?” I asked her.
“Of course!” she said.
"Thanks, Mama Flutters, but I'll have to program you into the security system then." I said. “But there’s one thing that still puzzles me.”
“And what might that be?” Celestia asked.
“Is Trixie supposed to be a robot?” I asked.
“Definitely!” Pinkie nodded.
“No, she didn’t seem like a robot last time she was here.” Rainbow said.
“Yeah, Trixie’s no robot.” Twilight said.
“How do you know that?” Engie asked.
“Trust me, I know.” Twilight said.
“Alright, so that wasn’t Trixie, that was an impostor.” I said.
“An impostor?” Aqua asked.
“Yes, that means it’s somepony that’s identified as another pony, but they really aren’t.” I explained.
“Uhh, I know what it means.” Aqua corrected me.
"What makes you think she's a robot?" Spike asked.
"Did you see all shuddering, and I heard her say the word 'error'. Only a robot would say that and not make an example of it. Also, when Trixie was crying, I saw her eyes were kinda sparking." I said.
"So.... that wasn't Trixie." Twilight said.
"Yeah, I just said that." I reminded her.
"Well, snap." Crystal said.
"But who programmed her to come here?" Engie asked.
"That logo...." I said to myself.
"What logo?" Spike asked.
“Oh I dunno." I said. "Well, it looks like we’re all good, and as we all take a fall…” I put some sunglasses. “It’s time for a trip!”
Aqua, Twilight, Rarity, and I suddenly started the riding the carriage to Canterlot. "YEEEEEAAAAAH!" I yelled as I played 'We Don't Get Fooled Again' on my Ipod.
Meanwhile, Trixie continued running as far away from Ponyville as possible, with tears still on her eyes, but the tears started shorting out her circuits and then electric bolts shot out of her eyes, and her eyes exploded with smoke coming out of the holes where her eyes used to be. She fell on the ground, and started saying, "Error, error, error. Trixie Model 2.6, deactivating. Primary objective failed. All systems shutting down." As Trixie deactivated, a shadowy figure appeared right behind her. The shadow takes the Trixie bot’s head off and took out her memories and inserted them on his Ipad. The memory contained in that data was all that Trixie saw, including me and I done.
"Well, well, well." The shadow said and snorted. "Crimson Flare Gun moved to Ponyville to live a better life. He seemed to make alot of new friends. Well, I think it'll be time to change that. I'll be keeping my eye on him for the time being. Although, perhaps I should've done better than make a robot replica of the Great and Powerful Trixie. I didn't know she had a bad reputation on these pony folk, but I shall not rest until I bring justice!" The voice said, as he laughs evilly and snorts as he looks at the S logo on Trixie’s cape.
Who is this fella you maybe wondering, well that’s not important, but what is important is that no ponies were actually harmed in the making of this chapter, or cupcakes for that matter.
“Aww man!” the cheery cupcake whined.