You know what I’ve been thinking about lately? The fact that pegasi have their own city only accessible to them but unicorns and earth ponies don’t. What’s up with that? Anyways, I’ll get back to that story in chapter 11; let us continue.
Two days have passed since I went to help out AppleJack with her kitchen, and AppleJack isn’t the only one doing a bake sale for the Dodge Junction project; the Cakes over at Sugarcube Corner were too helping to gain money for the project. While the Cakes were getting stuff ready outside, Pinkie Pie was cooking up some delicious brownies from a special recipe the Cakes gave her. She takes out the brownies from the oven and gives them a nice big sniff.
"Mmmmm! Delicious! I want to try one!" she said to herself as she was about to take a brownie.
Mrs. Cake slaps Pinkie's hoof away and said; "Ah ah ah! No touchie, dear! These are for the Bake Sale!”
“Indeed, Pinkie. Dodge Junction is in need of our assistance to rebuild. They’re really relying on us for this bake sale.” Mr. Cake said.
Pinkie squeed and said, “Sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Cake, my tummy is just making that rumbly sound and it craves brownies.”
“Rawr! Rawr! Gimmie brownies! I crave brownies! Nom nom!” Pinkie’s stomach said. The Cakes were confused to how her stomach sound talked without her mouth moving, and unless she was a really good puppeteer like the guy from the really old Nestlé’s Quik commercials, or Pinkie was just being herself again.
"This bake sale is going to be splendid!” Mrs. Cake said excitedly. "The customers are going to be lining up for our new brownies!"
"And with our new secret ingredient, nothing can stop us!" Mr. Cake added.
"What is the secret ingredient?" Pinkie asked.
"It’s a secret, Pinkie.” Mr. Cake said.
“Ooooo the secret ingredient is a secret, huh? I didn’t know secret was edible.” Pinkie said.
"It's almost time to open!" Mrs. Cake said as her and her husband picks up some trays of brownies and walks outside to start the sale. "Everypony is going to love our brownies!"
"C'mon honey, let’s make ponies happy.” Mr. Cake said as he led the way out the door.
"Pinkie dear?" Mrs. Cakes called Pinkie as Pinkie stood on her back hooves, saluting.
"Yes ma'am, Mrs. Cake ma'am!" Pinkie shouted.
"We're going to bring some of these brownies outside. Can you look after everything until we get back?" Mrs. Cakes asked politely.
"You can count on me, Mrs. Cakes! Your favorite employee Pinkie Pie has it all under control!" Pinkie said, still saluting.
"Thank you dear, and make sure you don't eat anything." Mrs. Cake said.
“Yes, sergeant Cup Cake, ma’am!” Pinkie yelled.
“At ease.” Mrs. Cake said as Pinkie tilts over towards her front and falls face first to the ground, and as she falls to the floor, the impact of her fall makes it sound like she’s made of plastic. Just then, another Pinkie Pie peeks out from below the table in the middle of the room; she pops out, pushes the plastic dummy of her out of the way, and starts guarding the leftover brownies.
Pinkie Pie guarded the all the sweets for 10 minutes. She marches back and fourth, making sure nothing happens to the baked goods. She looks closely at the brownies, and says with her eyes zoomed towards the brownies; "I have my eye on you!” She walks back then pointed to her eyes to the brownies again, and then walks back and forth again, looking at every corner, making sure nopony pops out and ambushes her.
Pinkie Pie then hears a noise coming from the kitchen, and she hops behind one of the plants in the room; she hid there so well that none of her body has shown from either side. Pinkie then tip-hooves to the kitchen, hides under the table, behind chairs and more plants, and eventually sneaks into the kitchen. Then she bursts out yelling, "FREEZE!" and aims her cake frosting squeezer at what she thought was a trespasser, but there was nopony in the kitchen. "Hm?" she said to herself. "I could've sworn that there was...." Pinkie Pie paused and then screamed; "THE BROWNIES!"
Pinkie runs into the main room and yells, "AH HA!" and then she shoots her frosting at the door thinking somepony was there, but nopony was around. Pinkie Pie continues guarding the brownies, aiming her cake frosting wherever she can find a trespasser. Whenever she hears the slightest noise, like a squeak on the floor, or a furniture item moving, she squirts cake frosting on it. The room's a mess now, but the brownies are still unfrosted. "Hm. I guess I'm just over-reacting." Pinkie said to herself and giggled. "Nopony's going to come in here and steal the brownies..."
Rainbow Dash then pops out of nowhere and jumps on Pinkie, holding her down. "NOW SPIKE!" she yelled. Spike pops out and starts running to the brownies as he was about to grab one; Pinkie throws Rainbow Dash outta the way and jumps on him, holding him down. While Pinkie was holding Spike down, Rainbow takes Pinkie's frosting squeezer and aims it at Pinkie. "You're finished!" Rainbow said to her with an evil smile.
Pinkie gets nervous and starts shaking, but then Pinkie smiles at Rainbow and Rainbow gets confused, but out of nowhere, Pinkie takes out two smaller frosting guns and starts shooting Rainbow with them, and the only thing Rainbow has right now was a face full of frosting. "NO! ALL THE SUGAR! IT BURNS!" she yelled as she falls knocked-out on the floor.
"Victory is mine!" Pinkie cried, but out of the flash, one of Pinkie's guns gets knocked out of her hoof after water got squirted on it by something. "What the hay?!" she yelled to herself. She looks at the door and gasps. "YOU!" she smirked and said, glaring at the a pony with a ninja outfit at the door. The ninja takes off his mask and it's revealed to be none other than me!
"Mischievous face!" I said. "ALL YOUR BROWNIES ARE BELONG TO US!"
"You want the brownies? You'll have to go through me first!" Pinkie said, locking and loading.
Pinkie and I started glaring at each other, eye to eye, and the screen crops out to our eyes like in those ninja or western movies, and we were getting ready to fight. Pinkie Pie takes out her red frosting squeezer and aims it right at me. "Ooooh! A red squeezer! You're good, but are you good enough to defeat the awesome and leet power of the one and only Flare Gun?" I taunted.
"What? With this red frosting? No, no way, Flare." Pinkie said.
“Oh yeah? Then how do you propose to defeat me then?” I asked.
"Because I also have blue!" Pinkie Pie takes out a blue frosting squeezer and aims it right at me.
"Time for Super Smash Ponies Brawl!" I yelled as the two of us gotten into our fighting poses and were about to fight.
Spike took out his microphone and yelled; "3-2-1 FIGHT!"
Pinkie squeezes out frosting from her frosting squeezers and the frosting comes flying towards me, so I jumped behind a table, and knocked it over so I can keep cover from the frosting. Since I don’t have a frosting gun, I got magic, I used my water squirter spell to squirt water towards Pinkie. Pinkie hops behind the counter, and takes cover behind it. Pinkie keeps squirting frosting at me while dodging my water; I did the same thing, but with my own weapon. Both of us were clean still, so we were still neck ‘n neck. Pinkie jumps out in the open with her guns aimed right at me, and then I squirted the guns out right out of her hooves.
"Hey no fair!" Pinkie whined. "Your weapon is stuck onto your head!”
"Who said life was fair? Welcome to Ponyville, sister!” I taunted. “Lawl, lawl, lawl, lawl, lawl, lawl, lawl, lawl, lawl, lawl, and one more lawl for good measures. Now, Pinkie Pie, prepare to be eliminated!”
“Alright, just gimmie a second.” Pinkie requested as she takes out a bathing hat, and places it on her head.
“Good idea, her hair is always straight when it’s wet, and Pinkie with straight hair always scares me.” Spike said.
“Ha! I ain’t scared of it!” Rainbow said.
“Says the pony who cried after she read Cupcakes.” Spike reminded her.
“I wasn’t scared; I felt incredibly insulted!” Rainbow corrected him. “I mean yeah, Pinkie was crazy one time, but she’d never turn do anything like turn your friends into cupcakes!”
“Want a rainbow cupcake, Dashie?” Spike teased her, holding a cupcake at her face.
Rainbow panicked and smacked the cupcake out his claw. “DON’T DO THAT!” Rainbow yelled.
“Don’t be insulted, Dashie!” Pinkie comforted her. “It’s only a story, remember?”
“Lawl remember, Dashie?” I added.
“Right, right…. Yeah.” Rainbow nodded.
“Anyways, enough of all that. FINISH HER!” I yelled as I aimed more horn towards Pinkie to finish the fight. I was just about to squirt Pinkie with my water squirter, but then only a few drops of water dripped out of my horn. "SHOOT! Out of ammo!"
Pinkie then takes one of her frosting guns that were knocked out of her hoof, and she squirted me in the horn, and my horn was full of frosting. “Now step aside, Flare Gun, for I have won this battle!” Pinkie said.
“Tis but a scratch.” I said.
“A scratch? I covered your whole horn with frosting, so you can’t use it anymore in this game.” Pinkie said.
“No you didn’t.” I said.
“Then what’s that?” Pinkie pointed to my horn.
I looked up at my horn and said, “I had worse.”
“Liar!” Pinkie said.
“Nope.” I said.
“Liar, liar, fire on pants!” Pinkie said.
“Don’t be ridiculous, I ain’t wearing pants.” I said.
“Still think you’re able to fight?” Pinkie asked. I shouted a cry of berserk and I grabbed Rainbow’s frosting gun and started firing at Pinkie, but missing every time, and Pinkie fired back until both of my hooves were covered in frosting.
“Victory is mine!” Pinkie cried. “Once again, haaaaaa haaaaaa, Pinkie Pie, haaaaa haaaaaa, the undefeated champion, haaaa haaaaaa, ha ha haaaaaa!” But as Pinkie was thinking she was in a wrestling stadium, I stood up on my hind hooves and started kicking her, and she knocked over to the ground.
“Come at me, jack!” I yelled as I continued to kick her.
“You are indeed brave, sir knight, but the fight is mine.” Pinkie said.
“No it isn’t!” I said.
“You can’t use your horn or hooves anymore though.” Pinkie said.
“It’s only a flesh wound.” I said.
“Good point.” Pinkie nodded as she shot both my legs with frosting and I fell on the ground.
“Alright, we’ll call it a draw.” I said.
“Fair enough.” Pinkie shrugged. “Come, Dashie.” Rainbow Dash clopped her hooves together as it looked like Pinkie was riding a steed away from the battle.
“Oh I see, running away, eh? You pink monster! Come back here and get what’s coming to ya! I’ll bite you’ll legs off! I still got my teeth!” I yelled.
"YAY! I WIN, I WIN, I WIN!" Pinkie cried, dancing and hoping around the building.
I got up from the ground and said, "Great job, Pinks! You're pretty good at this game! You surely know how to guard your brownies!”
"Yeah! The way you squirted Flare and how he fell over was AWESOME!" Rainbow said.
"Thanks! Since I was bored while I was guarding the brownies, I really needed something to do, so I called you guys, and we played this game! IT WAS REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY FUN!" Pinkie said as she jumping up and down again.
"Alright Pinkie, you don't need to repeat yourself, we all know what we did." Rainbow Dash said with a smile as she placed her hoof on Pinkie's shoulder.
Mrs. Cake and Mr. Cake were walking back inside to get some more brownies, and once they came in, they gasped after they saw the mess. "What happened here?" Mrs. Cake asked.
"Oh yeah, there’s a mess in here.” I observed the room and said. “I didn’t even notice.”
"We know that. But why?" Mr. Cake asked.
"Sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Cake. I was so bored in guarding the brownies that I wanted to guard them while in action..... and fun!" Pinkie said with a smile.
"You guys should've been here! It was an EPIC battle!" Spike said.
"Well in that case, you four are not having any brownies until you clean this place up!" Mrs. Cake gave each of us some cleaning supplies to clean up the mess.
"Oh c'mon! I just got out of Twilight's house to avoid doing chores, and I just come over here to do some anyway?” Spike complained.
"Looks like you're going to be doing double-chores by the time this day is over." Rainbow Dash teased Spike and laughed.
"We're going to be having the sale, and if there's anymore, and if you do good in cleaning this mess, we'll give you some on the house." Mr. Cake promised.
“I really don’t like it when ponies say food’s on the house.” Spike said.
A cutaway shows Spike at my pizza shop, walking out of the restrooms with a toilet plunger. He walks on over to me and said, “Alright, Flare, I unclogged the toilets in the restroom for you, so where’s that pizza on the house you promised?”
“Over there.” I pointed on top of the house across the street from my shop which showed a pizza box on the gutter.
“You’re kidding, right?” Spike glared at me.
“Go ahead and get it. It’s yours.” I said.
“Why can’t you get it? You have magic. You can just levitate it off.” Spike said.
“Oooo, I would, but…..” just then, I used my magic to pick up some cleaning supplies to clean the tables in my shop. “My magic’s kinda full right now.” Spike rolls his eyes, and then he walks over across the street, and started to climb the slippery gutter to retrieve the pizza. Once he got to the roof, he opened the pizza box and made a disgusting look. “Ew! There’s ants all over it!” Spike just shrugged and ate the whole pizza in one bite, since he didn’t care for the ants. Down below I started to laugh.
“I-I can’t believe you just ate that!” I continued laughing real hard.
“You’re kidding, right?” Spike asked.
“That pizza has been up there for a week already! I have your pizza right here!” I said.
Spike started laughing along. “Jokes on you, that pizza was delicious. I don’t mind stale pizza that’s full of ants.”
“I know you don’t; that’s why I put Mountain Dew in it.” I said.
“MOUNTAIN DEW?!” Spike yelled as his mouth caught on fire. “SPICY!”
“HA! I did my homework, brah. I know Mountain Dew is spicy to dragons.” I laughed again, but just then Spike fell off the roof and landed on my head, and I passed out.
“HA! I did my homework too, dude. I know you have a sensitive head.” Spike said, but as he laughed at me, I didn’t respond to his laugh because I was knocked out. “Flare? Flare? Hellooooo? Wake up, sleepy heaaaaaaad.” This lesson to you all: if you choose gags and pranks, then gags and pranks will choose you. The cutaway ends.
After a while went by, we all pitched in at cleaning up Sugarcube Corner, and we finally got finished after a couple of hours. "There we go, good as new!" Spike said with a smile.
“I know it wasn’t hard at all!” Pinkie said as she licked the last of the frosting off the walls with her really long tongue. “Mmmm! Tastes like plaster!”
"Isn’t that unhealthy?” Rainbow asked.
“Heck if I know. I never gained weight from eating plaster. In fact, I lost 20 pounds by doing so.” Pinkie said.
“Well I dunno about you guys, but I’m ready for some brownies!” Spike said.
“Yeah, I’m with Spike with this one.” Rainbow said.
“I sure do less then three brownies, almost as much as I less then three it when Princess Luna comes into town!” I said. “I still dunno why she doesn’t come often.”
A cutaway shows Luna arriving in Ponyville in her carriage, and she steps off it and yells in her Royal Canterlot Voice, “Good citizens of Ponyville! Your princess of the night has arrived!” Just then, Luna gets whacked in the head by Granny Smith’s cane. “Ouch!” Luna yelled in her regular voice. “What was that for?”
“Back in my day, we only had one princess!” Granny Smith said as she whacked her again.
“Ow! What does Celestia have that I don’t?” Luna asked.
“Celestia doesn’t make it night time forever.” Granny Smith said.
“Oh great, not this again!” Luna said with an annoyed tone.
“Also she helped me cross the street once, such a dear she is.” Granny Smith said.
“Want me to help you across the street?” Luna asked.
“What? Ya think ah can’t take care of myself?” Granny Smith asked as she whacks Luna again and walks away.
“Senior citizens never seem to get along with me.” Luna said, rubbing her head. The cutaway ends.
“Right, now I remember.” I said.
So then, we all ran outside to get some brownies. Our mouths were really watering out of the fact the Cakes are giving us free brownies.
“Mmm, mmm! I can taste the brownies now!” Spike said.
“You can taste brownies before eating them? That’s amazing!” Pinkie said shockingly.
“I have my ways.” Spike teased.
“Holy Wizard of Strength!” I said shockingly.
“You know, I still have no idea what that means.” Spike said.
“What the hay is going on here?” I asked as I saw ponies in hazmat suits, and using tongs to take each of the brownies into a biohazardous container.
"What's going on here?" Rainbow asked.
"We had a bit of a problem with these brownies. It seems they were a bit hazardous.” A pony in a hazmat suit said.
"Surprise face! Hazardous brownies?" I asked.
"What were in those brownies?" Spike asked.
"Normal brownie ingredients, we don't understand." one of the suited ponies said.
"What happened to Mr. and Mrs. Cake?" Pinkie asked in worry.
Each of us all rushed to the Ponyville Hospital to see what the fuss is about. The hospital was filled with sick ponies, even some that couldn’t go into rooms because they were full. "Are these poisonous to dragons?" Spike asked the pony in the hazmat suit.
"Holy Wizard of Hope!" I said.
"Hey, Flare? Are you going to tell us who those Wizards are yet?" Spike asked.
"Not now, brah! We have an emergency situation here!" I said.
“Wow, this is just the time AppleJack and I accidentally made hazardous muffins.” Pinkie said.
“I don’t think they were hazardous, Pinkie.” Rainbow corrected her.
“I don’t care, they were delicious to me! Muffins with potato chips, root beer, earthworms, it was all so good to me!” Spike said.
“How did you know the ingredients?” Rainbow asked.
“I have super strong taste buds. Like remember the time you bought me a vanilla and chocolate cake for Hearts and Hooves Day?” Spike asked.
“Yeah.” Rainbow said.
“It was actually a chocolate and vanilla cake.” Spike said.
“What’s the difference?” Rainbow asked.
“That is a HUGE difference, sista!” I said. “Vanilla and chocolate cake has more vanilla than chocolate, because most cakes have three layers with frosting in between, and chocolate and vanilla cake is the exact opposite. Get your fax machine straight, Dashie!”
"Mr. and Mrs. Cake!" Pinkie Pie said as she rushes over to them.
"Oh dear, Pinkie! This is not good! We're on the verge of a lawsuit!" Mrs. Cake said in worry.
"Yes, it seems our brownies were poisoned!" Mr. Cake said.
The four of us gasped in shocked. "Poisoned?" Pinkie asked.
"It's not deadly is it?" Spike asked.
"No, it's not deadly." Mr. Cake said.
"Phew, that's good." Spike said in relief.
“Life, death, it’s all the same if you’re ginger.” I said.
"But it can cause disabilities, loss of memories, not able to walk anymore, loss of strength, loss of flying, loss of unicorn powers, and maybe even blindness." Mr. Cake explained.
“My glasses. I can’t see without my glasses!” Velma said as she walked by, trying to look for it.
“Ma’am, you’re still wearing your glasses.” Nurse Redheart corrected her.
“That’s impossible, this must be a technical error because the only time I’m blind is without my glasses.” Velma said.
"That's not good! This is totally going to ruin the town’s reputation, and a chase for me to be a Wonderbolt.” Rainbow said.
“How will that ruin your chances of being a Wonderbolt?” Spike asked.
“With most of the town sick, they’ll think I’m sick, and they don’t let sick ponies be in the Wonderbolts.” Rainbow explained.
“Jeez, Rainbow, you’re sometimes as stubborn as Veruca Salt.” I said.
A cutaway shows Veruca Salt after she fallen through the rejection door after being considered a bad egg, along with her dad that jumped in after her. “Dad, I want to get out of here.” Veruca said.
“Well you know what, Veruca? You can’t always get what you want! Just because we’re rich doesn’t mean you should be spoiled! You know what? I don’t know why I jumped in after you. It took me a moment to realize I hate you and I should’ve dumped you off at an orphanage. You know, you and that kid Charlie should switch lives. You should live in a poor home, and never get ANYTHING you want! Is that what you really want, Veruca? Is it?” the dad asked.
“N-no.” Veruca said.
“Wow, you finally don’t want something; that’s an achievement unlocked right there! If my life was an XBUCKS game, this would be an achievement worth 500G! Just be lucky you’re not Charlie, because maybe being poor would teach you a thing or two about a word you may not know: RESPECT!” Veruca’s dad explained.
“Dad?” Vercua asked.
“What?” her dad asked angrily.
She smiled and said, “You passed the test. You finally stood up to your own daughter.”
“What?” her dad asked.
“I was only being like that to teach you how to use discipline, and you know what? You did it. I never thought you had it in you.” Vercua said as she gave her dad a hug.
“Oh… wow… I guess I did.” Vercua’s dad smiled and said.
“So you’re not going to send me away?” Vercua asked.
“Of course not. You’re my daughter and I love you.” Vercua’s dad said.
“Good. I want your phone.” Vercua demanded as she pushes him away. “I want to watch videos on YouTube. My phone battery died.”
Vercua’s dad was silent for a second, and then gives her his phone. “Ok.” The cutaway ends.
"That's not the worse part though." Mr. Cake said sadly.
Spike walks over to the beds and uncovers one of them and reveals Rarity. Spike became in shock. "RARITY!" Then Spike uncovers another bed, "TWILIGHT!"
I walk over to a third bed and uncovered it. "SURPRISE FACE! MAMA FLUTTERSHY!"
And Rainbow Dash uncovers the fourth bed, and guess who that is? "APPLEJACK!?"
"Oh no! This can't be good!" Pinkie said as she started to spaz out. She runs over to the doctor and yells; "DOCTOR?! IS THERE A WAY TO CURE THIS SICKNESS?!"
"My dear child, I have no idea. None of us do." The doctor said sadly.
"I totally lost my sense of humor." I said. "I uncovered some more beds, and I found Lyra, Bon Bon, Engie, and Crystal all out-cold, and I'm not even going to joke around by saying that they're cold; I mean they're like in a deep sleep!" Then I started to giggle a bit, and then I slapped myself in the face and started having a full conversation with myself. "NO! DON'T LAWL! THIS IS NO LAUGHING MATTER! But Flare, it's funny! NO! YOUR FRIENDS ARE ALL POISONED! But Flare, it's impossible to lose your sense of humor. I SAID NO! YES! NO! YES! NO! OH YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME PAL? BRING IT ON WEAKLING!" Just then I started beating up myself. "IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?! IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?! OBI-WAN NEVER TOLD YOU WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FATHER!"
Rainbow Dash flew over to me and grabbed my hooves away from my face to stop me from hitting himself. "That’s another friendship lesson for you. Don’t beat yourself up over things that aren't your fault.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked her.
“Wait, what are you talking about?” Rainbow asked.
“I have nooooo idea.” I said.
"We need to find a cure somehow." Pinkie said, and then she runs over to the passed out Twilight. "Twilight, talk to me; how do we find a cure?" Twilight didn't move or say anything, but she did droll a bit. “Hmmm. Yeah, that's right! Good idea, Twilight! I’ll do it!" Pinkie smiled and then she started singing to herself and hops over to the hospital exit.
"Uhh, what did you tell her, Twilight?” Rainbow asked her, but then she glared over her remark and shook her head. “Listen to me, I’m talking to a passed out Twilight.”.
"She said go to Zecora’s!" Pinkie zoomed back in the hospital and said.
"Does she understand drool language?" Spike asked.
“I know my sister does. She saw me drooling in my sleep once, and she knew I was dreaming about leopard skin furniture.” I said. “Eeyup. Leopard skin furniture.”
So the four of us all traveled into Everfree so we can meet up with this zebra named Zecora. This was my first time meeting her, so I was pretty confused with her rhyming. So we discussed to her about the hazardous brownies the Cakes were selling, and she observed them real closely to see what ingredients were inside, and knowing if she can find a cure or not.
"Hm, just as I thought. These brownies have poison. A mixture of cavaleaves, green apples, and berries of boysen." she said. "For all these mixtures to come together in something sweet, it'll give you disabilities after you eat."
"So these brownies had the mixture of cavaleaves, green apples, and boysenberry?" Rainbow asked.
"Not boysenberry, berries of boysen. There's a different between the two, one can create poison." Zecora said.
“This zebra is really starting to confuse me. I wouldn’t be surprised if her decedents turn out to be rappers.” I whispered to Spike.
"The cure you seek is in a cave. It'll tell you the item that you can use to save." Zecora explained. "The item is not an ingredient, but a grail. It has jewels, it's gold, and all who searched it, had failed."
"Hmph! Easy squeezy! There is nothing the great Rainbow Dash can't handle!" Rainbow said.
“That’s not what I saw when you read Cupcakes.” Spike teased.
“Oh will you shut it with the Cupcakes thing already?!” Rainbow yelled.
"Do not underestimate this quest. You must listen to me, for the best." Zecora said.
"Sure, let's ask the poet zebra for information. Maybe after this I can go on vacation!” I teased. “You see what I did there? I added to your poetry. This should be a Hearth’s Warming Carol.”
"The cave you seek is in the mountains beyond this jungle, the mountains had lots of earthquakes, and it makes it rumble!" Zecora said.
“Is that really the best you got?” I asked.
"The entrance to the cave is on top of that peak, and there are traps along the way to the item you seek. Unavoidable, those traps maybe, but if you look around and then avoid it, you can see." Zecora said.
"Pshaw!" Rainbow said. "I read plenty of Daring Do books to help me withstand any trap! Her and I are like twins." Rainbow said.
"I can see the resemblance." I said as I looked at a Daring Do book cover.
"So what's a cup gonna do that's gonna cure these ponies?" Spike asked.
"I have a recipe that can cure this ill. Red apples, spinach leaves, and pickles of dill." Zecora explained. "The cup has magical powers to makes this cure work, also Flare Gun, you’re acting like a jerk.”
“Did you just make up that rhyme just so you can say that?” I asked.
“Meet me at the hospital once you have the grail. Now go on to your quest, which you must prevail.” Zecora said.
"Don't worry Zecora, we'll bring back the grail, and cure all the ponies in Ponyville that's infected." Pinkie promised.
"Well, c'mon guys! Time’s a wasting!" Rainbow said.
“Alright you three have fun.” I said.
“You’re coming with us.” Rainbow said.
“Says who?” I asked.
“Says me.” Rainbow said.
“C’mon Flare, it’ll be fun!” Pinkie said.
“You want me to risk my life over a cup?” I asked.
“Exactly!” Pinkie said. “Isn’t risking your life fun?”
“Now that I think about it…… umm…. no it is not.” I said.
“Oh alright, Flarey, you don’t have to go.” Pinkie smiled and said.
“He doesn’t?” Rainbow asked.
“Of course I don’t.” I said.
“I mean, it’s not like this is a Friendship Lesson or anything. I know you said wanted to make all the friends you wanted, and being a hero can help you make friends with EVERYPONY in Ponyville, but it turns out you don’t really need that, do you Flare?” Pinkie asked.
“You know, I doubt you three would last five minutes without me. Let me come along to keep you girls safe.” I suggested as I walked out of Zecora’s hut.
“Wow, Pinkie, how did you get him come along?” Spike asked.
“I just repeated what a fortune cookie said. How to learn Chinese: 医生猪屁股. Lucky numbers are: 92, 19, 45, 20, 10, and 95.” Pinkie said as she hopped out of Zecora’s hut, and then Rainbow Dash and Spike just looked awkwardly at eachother.
So we all started walking around Everfree to get to the mountains in the middle of the forest where the goblet is supposed to be. As we walked, we talked, we walked ‘n talked, we talked ‘n walked, we walk the talk, and talk the walk, and when we talkitity talk talk, we walkitity walk walk, and when we walkitity walk walk, we…. Umm…. well, I think I made my point.
“Alright, so what would you all rather do? Not be able to walk, or have Zecora talk about her life for the rest of your life?” I asked.
“I prefer not walking, for sure!” Spike said.
“What? Zecora has a super de doper fun life!” Pinkie said.
“Super de doper? What are you, Barney?” Spike asked.
“Guys, we can’t fool around right now; there are lives at stake here!” Rainbow said.
"How would you like your stake? Medium rare?” I teased.
"What?” Rainbow asked.
"C’mon Dashie, don't be that way! Let's be happy and find the grail so we can cure everypony in town and we'll all live happily ever after! The end! But before then, we have to start off with once upon a time in the magical land of Equestria, with two regal sisters who ruled together and stuff.” Pinkie said.
"I’m just saying, Pinkie, this is a more waste of time right now than when Fontaine lied about his identity to the main character of Bioshock.” Rainbow said.
WARNING! This next cutaway gag contains spoilers to the game Bioshock. Please skip it if you don’t want spoilers!
A cutaway shows Jack, the main character of Bioshock, walking inside the control room after Ryan used the self-destruct countdown to Rapture. “Now would you kindly shut down that machine!” Atlas demanded. Jack takes the genetic key to Ryan’s self-destruct machine, inserts it to the slot, and the countdown stops. “Ahhhh, nice work, boyo!” Atlas chuckled. “There ain’t no Atlas, kid, never was, the name’s Frank Fontaine, and I believe when I said ‘would you kindly’ might’ve had something to do with you doing everything I said.”
“Excuse me?” Jack asked. “You mean after all that Atlas nonsense, you’re saying I was actually your slave this whole time?!”
“Sorry it had to be that way, kid, but business is business.” Fontaine said.
“NO! Don’t gimmie any of that! You’re an idiot!” Jack yelled.
“What do you mean?” Fontaine asked.
“I was forced to follow all your orders, but you still lied to me about your identity?” Jack asked. “Why couldn’t you just talk to me in your regular voice and say ‘would you kindly go up to Ryan’s office and kill him’ so I wouldn’t have you hear that ridiculous fake voice of yours? Actually, your real voice sounds ridiculous, go back to your fake one.”
“Hmm… I guess I haven’t thought about that.” Fontaine said.
“You haven’t thought of that! Not only am I your slave, you also told me lies for what reason? If you would’ve just given me your orders and all that before, I wouldn’t be wanting to really kill you right now, you moron!” Jack yelled. “I mean, maybe then I wouldn’t even know Ryan was actually my father and I wouldn’ve killed him! Same thing goes with the Little Sisters. If you really didn’t want me to rescue them, why didn’t you say ‘would you kindly’ then? Huh? You’re an idiot, Fontaine. No wonder Ryan wanted to end you in the first place.
“Would you kindly forget everything you said to me and never talk back to me again?” Fontaine asked.
“Ok, Atlas, I’ve stopped the self-destruct sequence. You’re so trustworthy and awesome, and I love your voice!” Jack said. The cutaway ends.
“I didn’t know you played Bioshock.” I said to Rainbow.
“I don’t.” Rainbow said.
“Then how did you know all- riiiiiight. You know what? Nevermind.” I said.
So as we continued walking through Everfree, we started hearing strange voices coming from all around us which was starting to scare Spike. “Do we have to go through here to get to the mountains?”
“Hey, here’s an interesting theory; did you know that 9 out of 10 medications in all of Equestria comes from right here in Everfree? It’s true. Not only is this place enchanted, it’s also the home to cure most pony diseases.” I said.
“Yeah, I kinda figured that.” Spike said.
“How?” I asked.
“I live with a librarian.” Spike said.
“So Twilight’s a powerful unicorn AND she’s smart! Sounds OP to me.” I said.
“Hey, don’t call Twilight OP. She uses her powers for good.” Spike said.
“So why is it that if Twilight’s OP she’s fine, but for everypony else, everyone thinks it’s too godlike and shameful?” I asked.
“Hang on a second, guys.” Rainbow stopped us.
“What’s wrong? Need to tie your shoe?” Pinkie asked.
“Pinkie, you know perfectly well that I don’t wear shoes.” Rainbow said.
“Oh yeah, then what’s that your hooves are on?” Pinkie asked, pointing to Rainbow’s hooves that are buried under a pile of dirt that she’s sinking in.
“Sweet Celestia, THIS IS QUICK SAND!” Rainbow panicked.
“QUICK SAND?!” Spike yelled.
“Hey, you wanna hear another interesting fact? A day on Jupiter’s moon lasts only 5 hours.” I pointed out.
"Wooooow!" Pinkie said with an impressed tone. "That is like EVERY Saturday and Sunday here on Earth!"
"I know right?!" I asked.
Rainbow started flapping her wings real fast, and tried her hardest to escape the quick sand, but the only thing she was successful in is sinking even deeper. "Why did I have to stop flying for just ONE SECOND?!" she yelled.
“Here, grab this!” Pinkie held out a stick for Rainbow to grab so she can pull herself out of the quick sand. Rainbow grabbed onto the stick and tried to tug herself out of the quick sand, but it wasn’t strong enough, and the stick snapped it half.
“Hey, Pinkie? Next time can you give me a stick that isn’t just 2 inches long?” Rainbow asked because the stick was actually pretty small. Spike held out an even bigger stick for Rainbow, she grabbed it, and attempted to pull herself out of the quick-stand, as strong as she could, and eventually, she was able to crawl out of there. Rainbow lies on the ground to catch her breath.
“How was the dip, Dashie? Is the sand too cold?” Pinkie asked as she was about to touch the quick sand, but Spike grabs her hoof before she was able to do so.
“Thanks for the help, Spike, but I could’ve gotten out myself.” Rainbow said.
“Oh I beg to differ; you would’ve been a goner without him.” I said.
“He’s got a point there.” Spike chuckled in agreement, and Rainbow just glares at us and continues to hover over a path to the mountain.
“Hey, how about me? I helped too!” Pinkie complained.
“Yeah, if Pinkie didn't get that smaller stick, how would Spike know to get that bigger one?" I asked.
“Nah, that’s just common sense, dude.” Spike said.
“Common sense? Since when did common sense ever matter in Equestria?” I asked.
“Isn’t common sense something you can’t eat a cake without frosting? Because if you don’t eat a cake without frosting, it’s just a brownie, and you can’t eat a brownie without brown, and if brown didn’t exist, it would be a reddie, or a blueie, or even a greenie!” Pinkie explained.
“A green brownie, huh? Sounds like something Burger King would’ve had that time they had green everything on their menu, like green ketchup, and green frostings and all that, you remember?” I asked.
Just as we continued to walk, we heard a noise coming from the bushes, and a slight growl coming from them. “Oh no! Please no!” Pinkie begged.
“Yeah, that sound did sound frightening.” Spike said.
“You have no idea! I hate that growling! My tummy is disappointed! Must…. Find…. Sugar!” Pinkie panicked as she looked around all hyper-venting, and tried to look for something sugary to eat, until she spotted some strawberries in nearby bushes. Just then, the growling got louder, and we all gasped.
"I don’t think that was your stomach, Pinkie.” Spike said frighteningly.
“Knowing Pinkie, brah, it could be.” I reminded him. Just then as the growl grew louder as Pinkie was eating the berries, a group of cat-like creatures jumped out of nowhere and ambushed us. Pinkie spits out the berry she was eating on one of the cat’s faces.
“Yuck! Tastes bitter! Like coffee. Ooo, coffee?! I want some coffee!” Pinkie yelled excitedly.
“Pinkie, now’s not the time for coffee. We’re surrounded!” Rainbow said.
“What are these creatures?” I asked.
“Ligers. Half-lion, half-tiger.” Spike said.
“Is that a Napoleon Dynamite reference?” I asked.
"Hi there! I'm Pinkie Pie!" Pinkie Pie said to the ligers with a smile. "Sorry about the spitting, I promise it won't happen again! Can we be friends?" One of the ligers then roared loudly on Pinkie’s face. “Ew! Say it, don’t spray it!” The ligers kept on roaring at us, and walking around us in a circle, about to pounce on us.
"C'mon! You want a piece of me?!" Rainbow yelled with her hooves up. Spike grabbed on my front left leg and was shaking in freight, and since he was on my leg, I was caught in the vibration.
“They look hungry.” Spike said.
“Of course they’re hungry, they’re ligers.” I said in an obvious tone.
"I realize you might be a little angry, but just a little smile will make all your anger go away! So c'mon, smile! It'll make you feel better!" Pinkie suggested.
“Pinkie, now isn’t the best time to smile either.” Rainbow said.
“I was talking to the ligers, silly!” Pinkie corrected her. As the ligers kept circling around us, Spike noticed smoke coming out of their noses.
“These ligers are magical. They got fire in their systems.” Spike pointed out.
“Great! They’ll barbeque us, then eat us!” Rainbow said.
“It all depends on the correct temperature of their fire breath actually.” I corrected her.
“FLARE!” Rainbow yelled at me.
The ligers began to inhale and were about to breathe fire on us, but I screamed like a little girl and placed my hooves on my eyes, and just then, my horn activated and it created a bubble around us. All of four us crouched down and covered our heads when the ligers started breathing the fire, but the fire didn’t penetrate through the bubble. Rainbow uncovered her face to see what was going on, and she saw the bubble covering us, and realized we weren’t burnt in a crisp. A liger then came up to the bubble and breathed fire on it again, but it still couldn't get through. The liger growled and pointed at us (Rainbow specifically) with its sharp nail, and they all walked away angrily.
"WOW!" Pinkie said excitedly. "I have no idea what just happened, but I’m having a panic attack!”
"Yeah, Flare that was awesome! I didn't know you can create a bubble shield with your horn!" Rainbow said.
"I didn't know either." I said as the shield disappeared after my horn deactivated. "Must be a new spell or something.”
“Yeah, Twilight has those too. She creates new spells by accident at times. I guess that’s what you went through.” Spike said.
“Cool! I got a new bubble shield spell! Now I’m in the mood to playing Halo.” I said.
"Wow! I thought we were dead meat for sure!" Spike said in relief.
“I thought we were gonna be baked goods. If that were the case, I’d totally eat myself!” Pinkie said excitedly.
“Impossible. You’d die before you’re able to eat yourself, and besides I think you wouldn’t be able to eat yourself anyway if you were baked because then you’d be burned to death.” I pointed out.
“That’s a comforting image, Flare.” Spike said sarcastically.
“Feel dat Mareami heat, brah!” I said. “Praise the Wizards! Happy face.”
“How many of your phrases are you gonna say at once?” Spike asked.
"SHTAIRS!" I yelled.
“If you three don’t mind, we have time wasting. Our friends are sick, and it’s up to us to save them.” Rainbow reminded us.
“Alright! Time to become the champions of the wo-WHOA!” I yelled as I collapsed on the floor.
“Flare, you alright?” Spike asked.
“We doing the flop now?” Pinkie asked.
“I’m alright. I’m just feeling very exhausted.” I said.
“Must’ve been the bubble shield spell. New magics can be quite exhausting. We should find somewhere to camp.” Spike suggested.
“But there are ponies in Ponyville that need us!” Rainbow reminded him.
“I know, but Flare’s tired, and he should rest. Let’s find somewhere to shelter for the night. We’ll continue first thing in the morning.” Spike explained.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right, Spike.” Rainbow said.
"Oooooh! I love camping!" Pinkie said excitedly.
“Ok, Pinkie and I will get firewood, and you and Flare should get shelter. Sound good?" Rainbow suggested.
"Getting wood is what Pinkies do best!” Pinkie said as she hopped away to get some firewood with Rainbow.
“Surprised you don’t have a coltfriend yet.” Spike teased.
“I can’t really move, brah.” I said.
“I’ll help you all I can.” Spike said.
“Well, at least it’s not raining.” I said. Just then, some storm clouds headed in, and thunder started to rumble, and then right after, it started hailing. “Aw c’mon, hail?! You gotta be kidding me.” I complained.
“Let’s get into shelter.” Spike said. After a little while went by, the four of us met inside of a cave while it was hailing outside. While we were relaxing in the cave and while we were munching on some food we brought with us, and we were sitting by the fire, I was telling everypony a scary story.
"...and then when they were in the kitchen one of the guy's were saying: 'LOOK OUT! There's a ghost behind you!' And then guess what happened next?" I asked them. “You all have to guess!" Pinkie Pie was shaking in fright, Spike was sleeping, and Rainbow Dash just sat there, glaring at me. "Brahs, you have to guess!" I demanded.
"Just put an end to this awful story!" Rainbow demanded.
Just then, I stood up on my hind legs with my arms out and continued. "And the guy turned around, and there was a ghost floating there the whole entire time!" Just then suddenly Pinkie Pie screamed which woke up Spike which startled him, and Rainbow was just a bit startled too, but only with Pinkie’s screaming. "THE END! Or is it? For now. Or is it? Then a skeleton popped out! THE END! Or is it?"
"You call that a scary story?" Rainbow asked.
“That was the scariest story I’ve ever heard! Probably more scarier than the Headless Horse.” Pinkie said.
“More scarier?” Rainbow asked, repeating Pinkie’s incorrect grammar.
“Yes, more scarier!” Pinkie said.
“The only thing that scares me in here is Pinkie’s screaming. That, and I hope there are no bears in here.” Spike said.
“Bears in caves? That’s ridiculous! Bears live in big blue houses.” Pinkie corrected him.
“No they don’t.” Spike corrected her.
“Regardless though; but anyways, I got a better scary story for you! It involves zebras.” I said.
“That doesn’t sound scary, that sounds racist!” Spike said.
“Oh like you weren't racist to her when you first met her.” I reminded him.
“Yeah, good point.” Spike said.
"I got a better scary story for you, Flare.” Rainbow said.
I chuckled sarcastically. “Lawl, yeah right.”
"Once upon a time, there was a pony that sucked so much at telling scary stories, that his friends were bored outta their lives and wanted to punch that pony in the face.” Rainbow teased.
I just looked at her emotionless for a few seconds, and then I said, “I don’t get it.”
"Yeah, Dashie! You just told a story that made noooooooo sense at all!" Pinkie said.
"Fine, I got a real scary story for you, Flare!" Spike started.
"I'm listening.” I said.
"Once upon a time, there was a pony who bought a MAC!" Spike and mischievously.
"Surprise face!" I gasped. "Then what?"
"Then he had no money for internet.” Spike said.
"HOLY WIZARD OF FEELINGS! This is too much!” I said frighteningly.
"But eventually he did." Spike added.
"Phew! That was a close call." I wiped the sweat from my forehead in relief. "For a second there, I thought-"
"But it was dial-up!” Spike said.
"GASP!" I freaked out again. "This story is so scary!"
"So he noticed it was a junky computer, so he bought a PC." Spike said.
"Yay!" I cheered. "PC beats MAC by a long shot!"
"But it was Windows Vista!” Spike added.
"AAAAH!" I yelled as I started shaking, and covering my eyes. "This is so scary! Please stop!"
"But then he upgraded to Windows 7." Spike added.
"Oh that's good! Windows 7 is more user friendly than Windows Vista.” I said.
“I’m starting to get confused.” Rainbow said.
"Then he bought every single video game that can be played on the PC!" Spike said.
"Wow! What a story, bro!" I said excitedly. "So much twists and turns! You'll never know what to expect next!"
"EXCEPT GRAND THEFT AUTO!" Spike yelled. I gasped so hard that time, I fainted. I was so surprised, I'm lucky I didn't get a heart-attack then.
“Wow! That might’ve been much.” Spike said.
"WHOA!" Pinkie cried. "I don't get it."
"How would you know he'd react to that?" Rainbow asked.
"Trust me; I hung with Flare since the first time he moved to town. I know what he likes and doesn't like, and if you look at his cutie mark, you'd know that he'd react to something that has to do with computers." Spike explained.
"Nice!” Rainbow said as she mischievously bro/sister hoofed/fisted Spike.
After a little while went by, Pinkie and Spike went to sleep, but Rainbow couldn’t sleep. Something started to worry her a bit. She was tossing and turning on her sleeping bag, grunting and gasping, and then she finally stood up, rubbed her face, and walked over to Pinkie and I. I wasn’t on a sleeping bag though; I was still fainted from Spike’s story. When Rainbow looked down at us, she said, “You two are reckless and never take anything seriously, but I adore you both, and I don’t want you getting hurt. I’m sorry.” Rainbow then grabbed her things and walked outside in the dark. It wasn’t hailing anymore at least. When she walked outside, she was about to take off, but she was stopped by Spike.
“Rainbow Dash? Where are you going?” he asked.
“Pinkie Pie and Flare Gun are going to get themselves hurt. I was thinking about it and because of them joking around on this trip, they’re going to get themselves or us killed along with them. I have to go on and get the goblet myself.” Rainbow said.
“But, you’re the Element of Loyalty. You can’t just leave them behind.” Spike said.
“But it’s because I’m the Element of Loyalty that’s keeping them behind. I don’t want them to get hurt, so I must go on, alone.” Rainbow said.
“What about me?” Spike asked.
“You’re a kid.” Rainbow said.
“I’ve been in dire situations before, so has Pinkie, and Flare saved our lives against those ligers.” Spike said.
“By accident though.” Rainbow added.
“What about the big venus fly trap we met when Flare first moved to Ponyville?” Spike asked.
“That was just a singing plant. I’m sure we’ll be meeting up with a bunch more dangers up ahead when we get to the mountain. I can’t have them come, I’m sorry.” Rainbow said.
“But, Rainbow!” Spike begged.
“I’m sorry, Spike. That’s my final word.” Rainbow said as she flew off into the night sky.
“Sweet Celestia, Rainbow is more stubborn than Flare when he’s on a swing set.” Spike said.
A cutaway shows me swinging on a swing set, and Spike was standing there begging for a turn. “But I want a turn on the swing set!”
“No!” I said as I continued.
“But you’ve gone for two turns!” he whined.
“Get lost!” I instructed him.
“But it looks like fun and I wanna tryyyyyyyyy!” Spike begged.
“No! I’m doing it! I’m gonna do a big jump off!” I said as I jumped off the swing and landed on my stomach and I started to scream. “AAAAH! GET MOM!”
“MOM!” Spike yelled as he ran off. The cutaway ends.
The next morning came. The sun was shinning. I yawned, stretched out, and walked outside. I sniffed the air, and exhales. "What a beautiful da-“ I said to myself, but I couldn’t finish the sentence because Pinkie ran outside and trampled me.
“I am so hungry right now! Need breakfast! I’d like some French toast and cupcakes!” Pinkie said.
“You eat cupcakes for breakfast?” I asked with my head in the ground.
“Doesn’t everypony eat cupcakes for breakfast?” Pinkie asked.
“No.” I said as I pushed onto the ground to attempt to get my face out, and once I was successful, I stood up and wiped the dirt off my body and vest. “I think you might be thinking of muffins.”
“What’s the difference between the two? Aren’t they the same thing?” Pinkie asked.
“Besides their shape and paper on the bottom, pretty much everything. They got different ingredients, and one has butter on it while the other has frosting.” I explained.
“Hm... I wonder where Dashie is?” Pinkie asked.
“Probably went on her early-morning flying exercises. When she comes back we’ll go on.” I said.
“Yeah, I have confession to make.” Spike said.
“Spike we don’t have time for whatever you have to say. We need to wait for Rainbow and look for that goblet. The ponies in Ponyville are depending on us!” I said.
“You see that’s what I need to talk to you about.” Spike said. “Rainbow ditched us.”
“Spike, I have no time for this. I’m waiting for Rainbow.” I said.
“Flare, she’s not coming back. She went on to get the goblet herself.” Spike corrected me.
“Pfffft! Don’t be silly, Spike!” Pinkie said.
“Don’t be silly? Listen to yourself, Pinks!” I teased.
Pinkie giggled and said, “You’re right!”
“I’m hungry too; I need a grand slam from Denny's!" I said.
“Umm guys?” Spike said, trying to get our attention.
“Hey, you’re silly too.” Pinkie pointed out.
“What makes you think that?” I asked.
“When I needed money and you let me have some, you keep your money inside a peanut brittle can full of snakes.” Pinkie said.
“Of course I keep my money in there. It’s guarded by snakes.” I said.
“Guys?” Spike repeated himself.
“And you also keep money inside the buttocks of Gree-“ Pinkie added but her sentence was cut off by my interrupting.
“Up, up, up. Don’t say it. The buttocks of a super hero action figure who shall remain nameless for his own protection.” I said. “Or… HER own protection.”
“Are you two finished? Because I’d like to continue what I was saying.” Spike asked.
“Yes, brah, we heard you. Rainbow Dash ditched us.” I said.
“So why aren’t you surprised?” Spike asked.
“Just because I was passed out last night and lost all feeling and attention to the outside world doesn’t make me deaf.” I said.
“Actually it kinda does, temporarily though.” Spike corrected me.
“I still don’t know what that word means.” Pinkie whispered in my ear.
“What, ‘temporarily’?” I asked.
“No, the word ‘kinda’.” Pinkie whispered.
“Yeah that word gets to me too.” I whispered.
“I can hear every word you’re saying.” Spike said.
“No you can’t. We were whispering. If we were whispering, that automatically means you can’t hear us.” Pinkie corrected him.
“You two are loud whisperers.” Spike said.
“At least we don’t burp fire.” I said.
“Oooooo burn.” Pinkie teased and giggled.
“Yeah you REALLY got me good, Flare.” Spike said sarcastically. “Also, nice pun, Pinkie.”
Pinkie giggled again. “Pun Pinkie, I like the sound of that.”
After a while went by, the three of us continued our journey to look for the goblet. While we continued walking through Everfree, we had a conversation, and without Rainbow Dash to slow us down on saying we should stay focused on our mission. Pinkie was sniffing on the ground like a dog, hoping to find some clues and making sure we’re at the right path to the mountain. “You know, Spike-“ I started, but Spike interrupted me.
“Yes, I know Spike, he’s a pretty terrific fella.” He teased and gave me chuckley smile. I just looked at him emotionless for a few seconds, and then I continued.
“As I was saying… I’ve been given the matter some thought, and I think I’d be willing to be a house pet to a race of super-intelligent aliens.” I said.
“Interesting.” Spike said.
“Are you gonna ask me why?” I asked.
“Do I have to?” Spike asked.
“Of course. That’s how you move a conversation forward.” I said.
Spike was silent for a few moments, but then he smiled and said in a high-pitched voice, “Why?”
“Mainly because I’d have proof of alien-life existing, so I can learn their cultures, and frankly, I like having my belly scratched.” I said. Just then, just as Pinkie was sniffing, her eyes open wide, and she then flexes in a dog point stance, pointing her nose to the west of us.
“This way!” Pinkie pointed.
“This way to the mountain?” I asked.
“No, this way to the nearest Denny’s, I thought you wanted to go to Denny’s?” Pinkie asked.
“I wish, but we have a job to do.” I said.
“Well, if you’re looking for the mountain it’s right over there, behind us.” Pinkie pointed. Spike and I looked behind us and saw the mountain towering over the horizon. The three of us looked up, and up, and up, and I looked up so high that I fell backwards, but when Pinkie kept looking up… well, let’s just say she has a very flexible neck.
"Yay! We made it!" Pinkie cheered in excitement. "Now all we need to do is get to the top!"
"Really, Pinks? I thought we should go under it and see how that turns out.” I said sarcastically.
“Oooo, you can do that?” Pinkie asked.
“Bazinga!” I said.
“What does that mean?” Pinkie asked.
“It’s from Big Bang Theory. It means you’re joking around.” I said.
“I don’t get it.” Pinkie said.
“What’s funny about that is, I said ‘I don’t get it’ last night.” I pointed out.
"Looks like there's a path over there that can take us to the top.” Spike pointed out.
“If only we had Rainbow Dash here, she’d help us in getting to the top.” I said.
“Or Twilight using her teleportation magic to teleport us to the top.” Spike suggested.
“And others thought I was OP with my Shoop da Whoop and stuff.” I said. And so the three of us started walking up the path to the mountain. It was a pretty steep climb, and we were in a height that would seem deadly if we fell but I wouldn’t want to discuss that.
“Wow, this is very steep.” Pinkie said as she looked down over the edge.
“Obviously. Don’t hang over the edge, Pinks.” I asked her frighteningly.
“Why? This is an amazing view!” Pinkie said as she leaned closer to the edge.
“PINKIE! STOP IT!” I yelled.
“Whoa, what gotten you all hunky-doodle?” Pinkie asked.
“It’s hunky-dory, Pinkie.” Spike corrected her.
“No, hunky dory means going well. Hunky doodle means the opposite.” Pinkie corrected him.
“I’d gladly appreciate you two not fool around when we’re so high up and at a risk of falling to our deaths not knowing what’s gonna happen next, I hope it’s just not a black screen!” I freaked out. "Can we die from this height?"
“What’s wrong, Flarey? You ‘fraid of heights?” Pinkie asked, pulling me towards her.
“NO! Not afraid of heights. Afraid of falling is my problem. There’s no safety bar here, like on the Death Star cannon room where those two guys were standing.” I said.
“C’mon, Flare. This isn’t that high.” Spike said as he walked over to the edge and looked down. The ground looked like it was miles away, and there were clouds down below, and an eagle flying by. “Right.” He said.
“I just wanna get this over with and go home.” I said.
“Waaaaaay ahead of you, Flare!” Pinkie said from a cliff-floor above the one we were in.
“Wow, she’s fast.” Spike said.
“C’mon! There’s no time to waste! I’m already two floors ahead of you!” Pinkie said from the cliff edge above the one that was above us.
“She IS fast.” Spike said.
“Keep saying I’m fast. I can do this all day, boys!” Pinkie yelled out from one more cliff edge above the one she was just on. Spike and I started catching up with her, but every time we go up a cliff, she goes up three. I’m telling you, that Pinkie Pie is as hyper as a…. crud, I’m sounding like AppleJack! She was fast, I’ll just leave it at that! We kept chasing Pinkie for many yards up until we finally reached the top. Spike and I were exhausted when we got there, and Pinkie was sitting on a sofa chair, reading a newspaper, and when she saw us, she said, “Well, it’s about time you two showed up.”
“Pinkie I… phew… I-D-K how you do it, but yooooooooou… you are fast!” I said as I was catching my breath.
“And yoooooooooooou, you kept me waiting.” Pinkie teased. “Now turn that frown upside down, Flare! Before you know it, we’ll have the grail, and we’ll be outta here faster than you can say ‘My goodness, that griffon is extra friendly today’.”
“I don’t get it.” I said again.
“Griffons AREN’T friendly. That’s the point.” Pinkie said.
“Oooooooh!” I nodded. “I still don’t get it.”
“I met two griffons before and they weren't that friendly.” Pinkie said.
“And you think both of those griffons represent all griffons? What about Peter Griffin?” I asked.
“I never met him in person, but seeing him on TV…” Pinkie continued.
“Yes?” I asked.
“Still don’t know him.” Pinkie said.
“Guys, I just said ‘My goodness, that griffon is extra friendly today’ 10 times already, do we have the goblet yet?” Spike asked.
“Oh we were starting that when I said it?” Pinkie asked.
“I thought we did.” Spike said.
"Well time's a-wasting! Let's go!" Pinkie said as she started hopping into the cave, and Spike and I followed. While we were walking inside the cave, every couple of yards we walked, I launched one of my flares outta my horn and it landed on the ground. We were using them as a light source, and a path back to the entrance so we don't get lost. Pinkie was still hopping, even though the cave felt like it was getting tighter and tighter....... that didn’t sound right.
“Now, let’s see, where else could I be if I wasn’t here right now?” I started. “Well, today’s Saturday, Saturday is Laundry Day, I could be doing Laundry. Putting my thin white shirt in the washer, then the dryer, and once the white shirt comes out, they would smell soooooo good! The white-wash will always be my favorite wash! I could also be having some of my delicious eggplant parm for lunch at my shop. Ooo, ooo, and maybe I could be watching Battlestar Galatica while having the eggplant, garlic rolls, and nice 2-liter Dr. Pepper!”
“I could be home not to hear you talking.” Spike said.
“Aww Spike, don’t talk like that, I’m liking Flare’s idea for a game!” Pinkie said. “Now where I could be right now, is at Candy Land, swimming in a chocolate milk spring with a chocolate milk water fall, and drinking out of a milk chocolate cup!”
“And since its Saturday, I could be at my nana’s house! Oh I miss nana so much, I had to leave her back in Mareami. She was the one who raised me, you know, because my parents were way too busy to.” I explained. Just then, as we continued walking, it felt like we were stepping in something squishy.
“Oh gross!” Spike said as he lifted his foot. “What are we stepping on?”
“Hmmm.” Pinkie thought to herself, lifted her hoof, sniffed it, felt it, and even licked it. “It’s mud.” She said.
“Are you sure?” I asked.
“I grew up in a rock farm, I’d know mud when I see it, or feel it, smell it, taste it, wash it, date it, or even be it.” Pinkie explained, and then she starts chuckling. “This mud feels funny! Literary!”
"Ugh! I got mud all over my feet!” Spike complained.
“Luckily for me, I’m wearing shoes! Tongue face.” I teased. “You know even though I’m overly consistent on keeping my hooves clean, I’m surprised Rarity doesn’t wear shoes.”
“Weeeee! Mud is fun! It’s so all brown and squishy and liquidy!” Pinkie said as she started jumping up and down on the mud, and the mud started getting all over Spike and I
“Hey, HEY! Easy on the vest!” I demanded. So after a bit, we finally made it on the other side of the mud puddle, with the three of us covered in mud.
"Ugh! Look at me!” Spike complained.
“Look at you? You can get clean, I’m worried about my vest! I have no idea if that mud will stain.” I said.
So then we continued walking, and on the way we saw some arrows on the cave wall that looked like they’ve been shot already, and some panels on the floor that looked like it’s been stepped on.
“Hmm, that’s strange. It would appear all the traps in this chamber have been activated already, which means-“ Spike started.
“Which means we would have to eat pea-pods for dinner tonight?” Pinkie asked.
“No.” Spike said. “It would mean that somepony is here already, or has been here.” Just then, the three of us heard a grunting sound echo through the caves.
“Sounds like somepony’s taking a poop.” I said.
“Did you really have to say that, Flare?” Spike asked.
“I didn’t say the words ‘that Flare’, I said it sounds like somepony’s-“ I corrected him.
“Don’t say it again!” Spike demanded.
“Hello?! Is somepony there?!” a familiar voice shouts from the distance.
“Perhaps. Who’s talking?!” I called out.
“It’s me, Rainbow Dash!” she called out.
“Oh you mean the one that left us?” I reminded her as I shot a flare to the front of me, and there was Rainbow lying on the ground.
“Whoa! That flare was cutting it close, careful with your aim!” Rainbow instructed.
“It was dark, how could I aim?” I asked.
“Dashie, now is not the time for a nap. The ponies in Ponyville are counting on us!” Pinkie reminded her.
“I know, and I thought I could just do this myself, but I realized I couldn’t. I’m sorry I left you.” Rainbow said.
“You violated the Friendship Agreement though, Dashie! How could you?” Pinkie asked.
“Actually, Pinks, this wasn’t part of the Friendship Agreement, so no strikes.” I reminded her.
“So what happened to you, Rainbow?” Spike asked.
“Well, I activated a trap, and despite my awesome skills of avoiding them, which by the way, I avoided all of them up to this point!” Rainbow explained.
“But you weren’t fast enough and you got caught on one of them.” Spike added.
Rainbow was silent for a few moments and said embarrassingly, “Yeah…”
“Which trap did you fall into? A trap door? A trap arrow? A trap crusher? A trap cherry pie?” Pinkie asked.
“A poison dart. I’m paralyzed from the neck down.” Rainbow said. “When a fly lands on my nose, pretty much the only thing I can do is blow it off.”
“I don’t get it.” I said.
“What’s not to get about that?” Spike asked.
“Anyways, ready to go home?” Pinkie asked.
“Ready to go home? We didn’t get the goblet yet!” Spike reminded her.
“Actually, I have it right here!” Pinkie said as she takes the goblet out of her pocket and shows it to us, but one problem to that… when did Pinkie get pockets… you know what? It’s Pinkie Pie, nevermind.
“So it was that easy? No traps were set off?” Rainbow asked.
“Oh there was a trap. If I can calculate this correctly, this cave is going to collapse in approximitlyyyyyyyyyy…. 20 seconds!” Pinkie said happily.
“Oh.” Rainbow said. So we all stood there for a couple of seconds, and afterwords, we started to run. “HEY! A little help please?!” Rainbow called out as she was still laying paralyzed on the ground.
“Hmm… should we? Because you left us before.” I reminded her.
“Flare! I said I was sorry!” she reminded me.
“I know you did, but you still went.” I said.
“Flare if you don’t let me outta here, we’re both going to die.” Rainbow said.
“Hmm… let me think about it for a sec.” I thought to myself.
“FLARE!” Rainbow yelled.
“I made up my mind, let’s go!” I said as I picked up Rainbow Dash and placed her on my back, and I started to slowly escape from the cave.
“Can you go any faster?” Rainbow asked.
“I’m not the strongest pony alive, and you should lay off the fritters.” I said.
“So this is how it ends, huh? The irritating red pony calling me fat.” She complained.
Meanwhile, just as Pinkie and Spike run out of the caves with the goblet, the cave collapses behind them, trapping Rainbow and I inside. “Rainbow!” Pinkie and Spike yelled at the same time.
“And Flare.” I added from the other side of the collapsed cave.
“Are you two okay?!” Pinkie yelled. “Take deep breathes if you can’t breathe!”
“We can breathe just fine. Luckily, Flare’s bubble shield saved us from the falling debris.” Rainbow said. “But now we’re trapped, and I’m still paralyzed.”
“I can use my shoop da whoop to break the falling rocks leading to our escape.” I said.
“So do it then!” Rainbow demanded.
“Don’t yell at me!” I whined.
“I’m sorry; would you please use your giant laser-what-you-call-it to break the debris out of the way?” Rainbow asked.
“I would.” I said.
“Sooooo…” Rainbow started.
“I can’t though. My bubble shield is keeping the debris on top of us from squishing us, I can only do one spell at a time.” I said. “Umm, Spike, use your flames!”
“What am I, a Pokemon? Besides, if these rocks were ice then I’d be able to use my flames, but what can my flames do with this solid rock?” Spike corrected me.
“Good point. Use your teeth!” I instructed him.
“Only fully-grown dragons can use their teeth to go through rock like this.” Spike corrected me.
“Well, I’m out of ideas. Rainbow?” I asked her.
“Well, if I can get unparalyzed then I can just charge through the rocks, but unfortunately that’ll take a while.” Rainbow said.
“Ugh! Groans! You know what else I could be doing today? Playing pool with Engie. Even though I don’t like pool, it sure beats the hay outta this.” I complained.
“Flare, it could be worse, just remember that. What’s done is done, and there’s nothing we can do to change it.” Rainbow advised me.
“I don’t think we can wait any longer. Ponies are dying and we need to go back and help them- oh hey, the debris is gone.” I pointed out.
“Wait, what?” Rainbow asked as she peeked through and saw the sunlight.
“How did that happen?” I asked.
“I moved them, silly!” Pinkie said.
“How? There were like… a ton of rocks here!” I said.
“I grew up on a rock farm, I know rocks, but my sisters know rocks more than I do.” Pinkie said.
“Fair point.” I nodded as I deactivated my bubble shield.
“Now that you’re free, and we got the goblet, we can return to Zecora’s and make that elixir!” Spike said.
“Well I hope we can get some food along the way, I’m starving so much I can eat a horse!” I said. Pinkie and Rainbow then looked at me in shock, and Pinkie stepped back 10 feet while dragging Rainbow with her. "It's a figure of speech." I corrected hem. "And B-T-W, we're ponies, not horses. Remember?"
“Whatever. Let’s just get outta here.” Rainbow said as Pinkie and I carried her as we started walking down the mountain and returning to Ponyville.
“Lawl remember?” I added.
After a while went by, we returned to Ponyville and headed over to the hospital along with Zecora with the elixir. To make a long story short, everypony turned out ok, all of them! When it was all over, we were congratulated by the Mayor for our efforts, and afterwords, we all had a word with the Cakes. “Thank goodness all of you came back just in time!” Mr. Cakes said.
“We almost gave up for loss!” Mrs. Cakes said.
“It was no problem at all, Mr. and Mrs. Cakes! It was fun going on a scavenger hunt!” Pinkie said.
“Scavenger hunt? Kinda felt a little much for a scavenger hunt.” Rainbow said.
“Well, regardless, thank you! You saved Ponyville, and you saved our reputation!” Mrs. Cakes said.
“But the question is… where did the ingredients we bought come from?” Mr. Cakes asked.
“Looks like that’ll be a mystery to solve another time, dear.” Mrs. Cakes said to her husband.
“You four did a spectacular job in retrieving the grail! The ponies here in Ponyville will give you great hail.” Zecora said.
“It was no biggie!” Spike said.
“All in good fun!” Pinkie said.
"Speaking of hail, we were caught in it." I said.
“Now if you excuse me, I should go tell Rarity of my heroic efforts. Catch ya all later!” Spike said as he zoomed off.
“Hey, Flare, Pinkie? Can I talk to you two for a second?” Rainbow asked.
“Sure, Dashie!” Pinkie said.
“I know what she’s gonna say, and I for one forgive you. You were only trying to protect us. Also, I apologize for goofing around on the trip. I guess there situations where goofing around isn't suggested under certain circumstances.” I explained.
“I’m sorry too, Dashie. Can’t always help it all the time, you know?” Pinkie asked.
“I know, and I sometimes forget that.” Rainbow smiled and nodded. “Also since we’re all apologizing here. Sorry for having you to carry me all the way home.”
“Why are you apologizing? You were paralyzed.” I reminded her.
“Well, actually… I felt better after we got off the mountain.” Rainbow chuckled embarrassingly.
“Seriously, Rainbow?! Like seriously actually?!” I complained.
“That’s not cool, Dashie! I had to carry you behind the bushes so you’d go to the bathroom!” Pinkie complained.
“Yeah I didn’t think that through.” Rainbow admitted.
“I don’t get it.” I said once again.
“Howdy, Flare!” Engie said as he joined our conversation.
"Hey, Engie! Glad you’re all better!” I said.
"Ah know, partner! Ah know!" Engie agreed. "Hey guess, what? I got some news to share!"
"Oh really? What was it?" I asked.
"Ah just bought a new computer! It was a MAC, ah got dial-up internet connection, and ah bought every single video game that can be played on it! Except for Grand Theft Auto though, but still, isn’t that great?” Engie asked.
“Ummm… excuse me for a moment, I think I’m gonna pass out.” I said as I fell to the ground and passed out, and Pinkie, Rainbow, and Engie just looked down at me in concern.
“I think I just found out the easiest way to defeat Flare in our next game of Dessert War!” Pinkie said excitedly.
“Ah don’t get it.” Engie said.