“Ugh… Hey Dad, do you know any other card games?”
“Sorry, Champ. I have quite the selection from my memory banks, but I’ve taught them all to you already.”
“Ponyfeathers, I’m bored…”
“I’m sorry, buddy. I can’t imagine how that stuff is making you feel… other than bored, I guess. Is there anything I can do?”
“I don’t think so. Maybe I can actually go to sleep this time.”
“Sure, buddy— give it a go. I’ll hang here in case you need me, okay?”
“Thanks, Dad.”
Oy. Another day, another round of chemo. The doctors started me on another kind three weeks ago, and it seriously sucks. I don’t even remember its name, but I’ve been getting it once a week, so this is my third round now.
The side effects last for at least two days after they give it to me, but the day of is the worst. Headaches, nausea, chills, and—what’d they call it, fatigue?—well, tiredness. They all suck on their own, but having all four at once is a serious pain in the flank.
I haven’t been able to go to the PonyLife room since they started me on the stupid stuff. The days I really want to go are the days when the side effects are hitting me hard, but I can barely stand up on my own when they do. Even if I could, this chemo is more intense than the others I’ve had, so the docs won’t let me go at all. Ever. Something about being around other sick kids could get me sicker. If that’s the case, they must have jumped me up past the chemo that Blackhawk was on the last time I saw him. But… wouldn’t that make this the ‘last resort’ chemo that Blackhawk told me about? That’s not exactly encouraging. Maybe they’re not telling me something… I don’t really wanna think about that.
Anyway, it’s not like I don’t like hangin’ with my dad, but some variety in playmates is nice, especially during the day. Daytime goes by so freakin’ slow, and Tess doesn’t come until after school. Starry’s been hittin’ the canvas a lot lately, but he still ‘escorts my fillyfriend,’ as Dad likes to say, a couple times a week.
Since this stupid lockdown they’ve got me in hasn’t let me leave my room at all, I haven’t seen Blackhawk or White Stripe in a while. Hopefully they’re doing okay.
I don’t wanna think about that junk. I’m sure they’re fine. When all of those side effects hit at the same time, it can really screw with your head. It can be especially hard to go to sleep, which is really the one thing I want to do right now.
Unfortunately, it’s even harder to fall asleep when ponies are talking around you.
“In here, Center.”
“Do I need to clean my hooves or something?”
“That would be appreciated, yes. There’s a sanitizer pump right there.”
“Okay.”
Mom had walked in with her violin case. A filly with another case had come in behind her. She looked familiar, but I didn’t really know her. I thought I had seen her at the Arts Center once…
“How are you doing, sweetie?” Mom asked as she came up and kissed me on the forehead.
“Meh. I’ve been better,” I sighed. “I wish I could just go to sleep.”
She smiled. “Well, maybe we can help you with that.”
“We?”
“Yes, sweetheart.” She motioned to the filly she had brought with her. “Crimson, this is Center Stage. She takes violin lessons with one of the other mares at the Arts Center.” I glanced over at the filly, who gave me a small smile and waved. “Center, this is my son, Crimson Star.” I gave her a weak wave in return. Mom continued, “Center is about your age, sweetheart, and she’s one of our highest-level students. Quite the feat for a pegasus.” Mom turned to Center and said, “To be honest, dear, I envy you. So talented at violin without using magic. I don’t know how you do it!” Center Stage smiled and ran a hoof through her mane. “I also hear you are quite the dancer.” The filly blushed and looked away.
“Anyway, when I mentioned to the other teachers that you weren’t feeling well, Center here overheard and offered to play for you. How would you feel about that?” Mom asked. “Some light music to lull you to dreamland? Maybe you’ll see Princess Luna again,” she said with a smile.
That was the kicker for me. It wasn’t like I could summon her on command, but with Princess Luna, I never knew. Besides, it was a win-win situation: even if I didn’t see Princess Luna, I would still at least get some sleep. Music couldn’t hurt. “Yeah, sure. Why not?”
“Good. I’ll start off, and Center will join me for a duet shortly. Is that alright?”
“Mom, you’re the musician. If you think it’ll sound good, go for it.” I knew plenty about music, but Mom knew so much more. Anything she played always sounded good to me.
Mom smiled. “Okay, then. Center, are you ready?” I saw the filly nod to her.
Then I realized I had forgotten something kind of important that my parents had taught me. “Hey, Center Stage?” I asked quietly. Caught off guard, she turned to me with her eyebrows raised. I guess she wasn’t expecting to hear anything else from my direction. “Thanks.”
She smiled. “Oh, um, you’re welcome. I hope you feel better.”
“Yeah, me too,” I responded as I laid back and closed my eyes.
Mom started the music softly. It was slow— not too high-pitched, but not too low. A few strokes of the bow against the strings, with not too drastic an octave shift.
The second violin came in to harmonize with the first. Slightly higher pitch, but not too much higher.
In fact, that second violin seemed to be just the right frequency…
The night sky looked beautiful— completely clear of clouds. My telescope could pick up the tiniest details of the moon. I had been looking at it for what seemed like hours.
At first, soft music played in the background, but it gave way to silence after a while. It had been a welcome addition to my stargazing, or moongazing in this case, but I wasn’t too bothered when it stopped. It allowed me to clear my mind and focus on the sky.
The silence didn’t last.
What’s the big idea, huh?
What do you mean?
The voices sounded like they came from over the hill I stood on, but I could just barely make out what they were saying. I tried to ignore them and keep my attention on the sky.
You introducing him to somepony else to get rid of me or somethin’?
What do you mean, ‘get rid of you’? Why in Equestria would I want to do that? You are one of Crimson’s best friends!
At the mention of my name, they became hard to ignore.
Yeah, and you’ve been trying to turn me away! You keep telling me I shouldn’t be with him!
I never said that! I said I wanted you to be careful. I don’t want you to get hurt.
How am I gonna get hurt? He’s the one in the hospital, and he needs me here!
I understand that, sweetie. Please don’t think I don’t appreciate you coming here every day. I absolutely do.
Well ya have a funny way of showin’ it…
I had a feeling I knew who was talking, I just couldn’t see them. I loved looking at the sky, but the voices from nowhere had my full attention now.
I’m sorry, dear. Like I said, I want you to be careful. If anything… happens to Crimson—
NOTHING’S gonna happen! Not if I’m here!
Sweetie, I love your optimism. What you need to understand is that after years of fighting these medical problems, I’ve learned that anything can happen, at any time. We’ve been incredibly lucky; Crimson has overcome every obstacle in his way. I thank Celestia every day for that. However, this cancer is different; it’s new to us, and I don’t know what to expect. I’m terrified that something could happen, but I’m hoping for the best.
I’m hoping for the best, too! So what’s the problem? How am I gonna get hurt?
Well dear, you have gotten rather attached to Crimson. There’s nothing wrong with that. But if for some reason something DOES happen to him, and he… well, he leaves us, how are you going to feel?
…
Silence…
Geez, I never thought about that…