It was late afternoon by the time they made it to the castle entrance.
“I can’t believe I’m really going to meet Superman!” Homer cried in delight.
“You’re meeting the Princesses!” Twilight reminded him.
“But this is Superman’s Fortress of Solitaire!”
After a moment of confuzzlement, Twilight sighed before knocking on the portcullis. Just to the left, a window opened up for an odd looking green unicorn with a brown mustache.
“We’re closed,” he said. “Come back tomorrow.”
“What do you mean, closed?!” said Twilight incredulously, “We’re here to see the Princesses!”
“Sorry, little filly,” said the green unicorn, “Not nopony no how can see the princesses today!” He slammed the window shut behind him.
“This is new,” said Applejack dryly.
Twilight groaned. “Well, we can’t get in unless we’re let in. We’ll try again later. If he's still here, we’ll try again tomorrow. Let’s go to the hotel and see if they aren’t booked for tonight.”
As soon as she said “hotel,” the unicorn behind the window, who had reopened the window to eavesdrop, started weeping.
“You don’t mean Hotel Canterlot, do you?” he sobbed.
“Yes…” started Twilight.
“Oh, woes betide you! My sister stayed there once! Five months later, she contracted lice!”
Rarity screamed and fainted.
“My cousin stayed there once, too! She ordered a Hot Chocolate in the restaurant, and then went up to her room! She came down an hour later, and it was cold!” he wailed.
“That’s so sad!” said Homer, wiping a tear out of his eye.
“Of course it’ll be cold if you leave it for an hour!” said Twilight.
“Not if you pee in it!” said Pinkie Pie.
“Huh?!”
“I said ‘not if you put tea in it!’”
“Oh…”
“But it’s not nearly as sweet nectar…” she said while drooling maniacally.
“What?”
“You know! It wouldn’t be nearly as sweet if you put tea in it!”
“Right…”
“URINE!”
“WHAT THE...?!”
“You’re in, Twilight!”
Twilight looked around. She was indeed past the gate.
“This mare told me that you’re the Elements of Harmony,” the unicorn said pointing at Fluttershy. “Why didn’t you say so in the first place?”
“You know, why didn’t you say so in the first place?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“GAH!” shouted Twilight in frustration.
“Well,” said the green stallion, “if you’re the Elements of Harmony, then it’s a pony of a different color! You can all come in! And you can bring your smelly yellow friend, too!”
“Hey, who’re you calling smelly?” said Homer. “At Moe’s, Lenny and Carl say I smell tolerable at best! AT BEST!”
“Nevermind him, Homer!” said Twilight. We’re already running late, so let’s hurry…”
When she turned around, her jaw dropped. The castle and grounds had undergone an astonishing change.
“When he said pony of a different color…” Applejack said before trailing off.
“WOW!” said Homer. “I’m going to meet Superman and Kermit the Frog!”
Castle Canterlot and everything inside the castle walls had been turned into shades of green, including a few guards, who stood steadfast, if slightly disoriented.
Who or what could have done this? A green paint monster?! A green smoke monster?! A giant green robot…
“Discord!” said Twilight.
…
Does seem like an obvious suspect in hindsight.
“Won’t he ever quit it with these childish tricks?! Where is he?! We’ve got to get him to straighten this out!”
“Oh, he’s probably asleep right now,” said Fluttershy, “he usually has a nap around this time of the day. He calls them siestas.”
“Where does he sleep?!”
“Do we have to go look for him now?” complained Rainbow Dash, “I just want to go inside and let my mane down.”
“I agree,” said Applejack, “Besides, it’s not too serious trouble that he’s caused; I’ll bet it’s nothing the Princesses can’t handle.
“Well, alright,” relented Twilight. “But I’d better go in and make sure that everything’s alright before we introduce Homer and the Princesses.”
Twilight trotted inside the castle and closed the door behind her.
“Ohhhhhhh…” said Homer impatiently, “When am I going to meet Batman?”
“You’re not meeting anypony called Batman!” said Rarity, “You’re being allowed the privilege of meeting the Princesses of Equestria!”
“The Princesses of what now?”
“Might I also say that you hardly seem fit to be allowed such a privilege? You’re boorish, disgusting, rude, violent, and you couldn’t even figure out who you were meeting with until now, even though we’ve all told you a dozen times!”
“Of course I know who I’m going to meet,” said Homer dismissively. “It’s Spiderman, right?”
He was met only with a glare.
“The Pope?”
…
“The President?
…
“The Queen of France?”
…
“The Jolly Green Giant?”
“CELESTIA AND LUNA! YOU’RE MEETING CELESTIA AND LUNA! THE PRINCESSES OF ALL EQUESTRIA!!”
“Please calm down, Rarity,” Fluttershy said anxiously. “He’s trying his best.”
“His best might not be good enough, Fluttershy,” said Applejack.
“Yeah,” said Rainbow, “He’ll probably strangle the Princesses, eat all of the food in the castle, then run into town to do more! Lather. Rinse. Repeat. That is totally UN-awesome.”
Homer looked more and more dejected as they continued talking.
“Look, Fluttershy,” said Rarity, “We’re all agreed that such an animalistic brute can’t have a proper meeting with the Princesses in his current state.”
“I… I guess so…” said Fluttershy.
“Marvelous,” said Rarity, “Then we’ll tell Twilight that we simply must postpone this occasion until this creature can behave itself.”
“We don’t have to do that!” said Pinkie Pie.
“What do you suggest, Pinkie?” asked Applejack cautiously.
“Fluttershy, could you try talking to it?” asked Pinkie Pie.
“I don’t know, I…”
“Ooh! Me! I will!” And with her most confident of smiles, she hopped over to where Homer was sitting and moping. “Hey, there frowny drooper party pooper! Turn your frown upside down!”
“Okay,” said Homer gloomily. He stood himself on his head and continued to sulk. This didn’t faze Pinkie Pie.
“No, silly! I mean SMILE! Like this!” She grinned a huge grin.
“Why should I? Everyone thinks I’m stupid. Look! There’s stupid Homer! He’s so stupid! We’re way less stupid than he is! Because he’s stupid! Haven’t you heard? He’s so stupid! He doesn’t deserve to meet Batman, because Batman’s a jillion times smarter than him!
“Don’t be a grumpy goose! Be a glad goose! HONK!”
“Huh?”
“Since when is being stupid a bad thing? Even Twilight is stupid sometimes, and she’s the smartest pony I know! Except for Happy Days, the voice in my brain! He’s the smartest pony I know! Except for Einstone, my first pet rock! He was the smartest pony I know!”
“But I always mess up every important thing I do!”
“Then all you really need,” said Pinkie, “Is some confidence!”
“Where do I get some?”
“You can have one of my lucky things! Lots of ponies have lucky items, but I figured out that if you make everything you have lucky, you’ll be superduperalleyooperLUCKY!”
“GIMMEGIMMEGIMME!” said Homer whilst dancing on the spot.
“Hmm…” Pinkie Pie dug into the ground and uncovered her lucky umbrella. “Nope.” She went through her tail and found her lucky goldfish bowl. “Nah.” She continued in this fashion until, while digging around in her left ear, she found it. “Here it is!” She pulled out a fine black silk top hat, shook off some of the earwax, and gave it to Homer.
He gasped before plucking it from Fluttershy’s hooves. “You’re giving it to me?”
She nodded vigorously “Try it on!”
“But I don’t know if I’m smart or important enough to wear it!”
“Try it on!” she repeated.
There must have been some magic in that old silk hat they found. For when he placed it upon his head… the hat began to sing.
“You are cowardly, lazy, nitwitted and unambitious, plus you’re incredibly unattractive to boot! But you’re an American! You’re the most important person I’ve ever moot!”
“WOOHOO!” whooped Homer, “I’m important! Thank you, cupcake thing!”
“You’re welcome!”
Homer strode cockily towards the other ponies in his dandy new hat with Pinkie trotting alongside him.
“Did it work?” everyone asked.
“Did what work?” said Twilight as she trotted outside.
“INDUBITABILLY!” said Homer quite loudly, causing them all to jump. “Let us make hash! The Princesses await us! But especially me.”
“It didn’t work,” grumbled Rainbow Dash.
“What didn’t work?!” asked Twilight crabbily.
“Dear Princess Celestia,” said Pinkie. “Today I learned that everypony everywhere is important, whether they’re smart or not, whether they’re ponies or not, or whether they…
“CONTEXT! I REQUIRE CONTEXT!!”
“Madam,” said Homer. He tipped his hat and continued inside.
Twilight’s brain reset.
“Twi?” said Applejack.
“It’s okay to go in. Everypony’s more or less fine. Celestia was indoors when he hit, and as long as no one mentions it again, it doesn’t matter that Princess Luna is green as a frog.”
“When you put it that way, it makes her sound so cute…” said Fluttershy.
"...and remember to tell Mrs. Dandy that all of her songs don't have to rhyme," finished Pinkie.
They entered through the entrance into the entrance hall, with Homer leading the way.
Awaiting them was a majestic white alicorn and an unusually green alicorn.
“Cute froggie…”
Luna stepped forward… and the ham began to speak.
“OH MYSTERIOUS BEAST OF OUTWORLDS BEYOND, WELCOME TO OUR CAPITAL, THE MAJESTIC CANTERLOT! I AM LUNA, PRINCESS OF THE NIGHT. THOU NEEDST NOT FEAR ME! SPEAK AND BE HEARD, WHAT BRINGS THEE TO OUR HUMBLE DOMAIN?”
“GREETINGS, WENCH!” Replied Homer, with equal loftiness. “AND MAY I SAY BLESS YOU, YOUR MAJESTY, A POX ON YOUR HOUSE!”
“WHAT?! SPEAK AGAIN, CREATURE, I KNOW NOT WHAT YOU ARE SAYING!”
“I KNOW WITH PRECISION MY ANTARCTICULATION! HARK, YOU APPEAR BEFORE ME HATLESS?! WHY DOST THOU REVEL INSTEAD IN THY WINGYNESS AND HORNINESS, HORSE OF THE POLKA-LIPS?”
“PRITHEE TELL WHY I SHOULD NEED A HAT, YELLOW ONE?! THE NIGHT SKY IS MY HAT!”
“ONE CANNOT PRETEND TO BE IMPORTANT LACKING HEADGEAR, MAIDEN OF THINGIE!”
“BUT I HATH IMPORTANCE! I HATH IT IN SPADES!”
“AND SO IS YOUR MOM, GREEN HORSEY!”
Luna turned to Celestia, with tears appearing in her eyes. “YOU SAID NOPONY WOULD NOTICE!”
Luna burst out crying.
“Twilight,” began Celestia.
“NO! PLEASE NOT MAGIC PRESCHOOL!”
“Twilight, I’m not going to send you to the m– magic preschool,” said Celestia. “But please try and repair this situation before Luna… responds,” she pleaded urgently.
“We shall destroy you for those remarks…” *sob*
Twilight approached Homer who was standing, with Gusto.
“That wasn’t very nice, Homer,” she said carefully. “You made Princess Luna cry, and that’s a bad thing to do, because…”
“YOUR NINNYING DOTH TOO MUCH OF A PROTEST!” proclaimed Homer. “WITH MY FANCY HAT, I’M TOO IMPORTANT TO LEARN MY MANNERISMS!”
Rainbow Dash stole the hat in the air, with Gusto.
“D’oh.”
“Homer, apologize to Princess Luna now,” pleaded Twilight.
Homer took a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”
The room was silent.
“Can we eat now?”
“Try again,” chorused everyone bitterly.
“Um, okay.”
…
“Um… I really like your mane. It’s very green.”
Everyone groaned. Luna cried harder
“You can do better that!” scolded Twilight angrily. She horned him in the buttock.
“Ow! Why would you do that?!”
“Apologize to the Princess!” She horned him again. Rarity horned the other buttock.
“Ow! Ow-wo-ho!”
Fluttershy covered her face with her hooves as Applejack and Rainbow Dash bucked him in the stomach and head respectively.
“OW! AUGH!!
“STOP IT! STOP IT AT ONCE!” shouted Celestia.
Everyone froze. Pinkie shoved a billy into a flowerpot and began whistling.
“I am shocked that any of my little Ponies would deliberately hurt another living creature; especially you, my faithful student!”
Twilight began sputtering and babbling.
“P-princess! I-I-I-w-w-we… that is, I mean, w-we mean… we d-didn’t… n-no clue… that he…”
“I think that makes two who deserve apologies,” said Celestia.
Twilight hung her head with a conflicting look of annoyance and humility. “Homer?”
“Yes?”
“I apologize for hurting you. No matter how angry I was, I shouldn’t have lashed out at you. Do you forgive me?”
“Um… okay?”
Twilight extended a fore hoof to shake hands. Homer fist bumped her.
“OW!” Twilight rubbed the hoof she extended.
“I think you three also have something you ought to say,” Celestia said, in particular to Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash.
After several seconds, Rarity was the first to step forward. “It was quite uncouth of me to jab my horn into your flank, no matter what provocation I received.” She looked straight at Homer. “That’s all I have to say.”
Rainbow Dash floated forward. “I shouldn’t have bucked you in the head, even if you have, you know, hurt other ponies. I shouldn’t really be the one to judge, no matter how terrible you act towards everypony.
Finally, Applejack stepped up and said, “You hurt several ponies close to me. I know you didn’t mean to, but you’re still not making up for it much. I know what I did was wrong, and I acknowledge that, but I don’t feel comfortable saying sorry to you, same as Dash and Rarity, I think.”
“That will do,” said Celestia. She turned to Homer. “You look like you have something to say. Do you?”
“No.”
“Oh, really?”
“No.”
“OH, REALLY?!”
“Yes, I certainly do!” said Homer. “Um… I know there's a lot of people who don't like me and wish I would go away. I think we got off on the wrong foot. I know I can come off a little proactive, and for that I'm sorry. But if everyone could find a place in their hearts for the little dog that nobody wanted, I know we can become the best of friends.”
Everyone just sort of stared at him.
“That was a nice speech,” said Twilight, “And an interesting analogy, I guess…?”
…
“I don’t know what that means,” said Homer.
Just then, Pinkie’s Pinkie Sense began to act up.
“Blinking… Bouncing… Goosestepping (HONK!)… Pirouette!” She gasped.
“What is it?” asked Twilight.
“I have to go now,” said Pinkie.
“Why?”
“My planet needs me.”
*VOOOOOOOP*
[Pinkie died on the way back to her home planet. It's okay though. The Doctor brought her back somehow.]