//------------------------------// // The Worst Two Days Ever: Doubles // Story: Imbalanced // by Nameless Narrator //------------------------------// [Blazing's Entry] How to deal with the realization that there is somepony much better than you at the best thing you are good at? I don't have an answer yet but I bet it will involve a lot of alcohol. [End Entry] I follow Trixie a short while until we get to a small one-pony cart which upon further inspection proves to be a small, colorful house on wheels. A cracking fire in a circle of stones is burning nearby. Trixie stops and looks at me nervously. Does she expect me to laugh at the pony cart that is her home? I live in a grey rundown apartment, this thing is amazing especially if she pulls it around. "I've never seen anything that spelled 'home' so visibly and in such colorful letters." Where did that come from? I have no idea. My apartment compared to her small house is like comparing house to... a home. "Do you want something to drink?" asks blushing Trixie. "That would be fantastic, thank you." I shuffle as close as I can towards the campfire and my wound begins healing, very slowly though. I have enough control and I did enough experiments to know how far I can go with my energy reserves so I'm not afraid of attacking my host on accident. As the warmth penetrates my body I smile at the memory of Canterlot guard outdoor survival training which consisted of pitching tents (hue hue!) in castle gardens at night. There should be training involving starvation and freezing to death while having to trust a stranger not to spike your drink and steal your armor and weapons to pawn them. A hoof on my shoulder shows me I dozed off and the smell of honey and cinnamon coming from a metal cup in Trixie's hooves makes me begin drooling on the spot. My stomach rumbles. "Hungry?" she asks. "No, thanks. I don't want to impose any more than necessary." The tea tastes even better than it smells. At that moment Trixie could have jumped up holding a bottle of poison and I still would have finished the cup, nothing of that sort happens though and she's just sitting there and watching me cautiously. A distant howl pierces the night air and I realize I've been sitting here for way too long. On the other side fo the dying fire dizzy Trixie wakes up covered by a cloak with ornate stars on it. "What was that?" I ask. My knowledge of the wild is limited to cleaning up my mess after drinking too hard the day before. "It sounded like Timberwolves but they should be scared off by the..." her voice trails off as she looks at the dying embers of the campfire. "You said you had something to do in Ponyville, is it far?" "No. Let me just close the windows and lock the door so it doesn't accidentally open on the way." When she leaves, my growling stomach reminds me of the only item of food I had today. Honeyed hay bar, you were more than just food. You were a friend. When Trixie announces she's done I get ready to pull her home. It's the least I can do. "I can do it myself," she says a bit defensively. "Don't worry about it. After we get to Ponyville you won't ever see me again so enjoy this while it lasts." She doesn't argue. The house is surprisingly light, truly a miracle of engineering, and we walk in silence for almost an hour. When we pass a group of fillies following a zebra I know the village can't be far. Trixie coughs politely as we get close to the first houses of Ponyville. "Can we stop here? I need to prepare and get my act together." "Sure. Can I help you with something else?" "No, thanks." "All in the day's duty for a guard, miss," I say and salute. Now to find the princess and her group. Tonight being the Nightmare Night it means that nopony even bothers giving me a second glance aside from few whistles at my 'costume'. I expect the princess to be easy to find but the celebration and all attractions are spanning the entire town. Nothing seems out of ordinary so I just stroll lazily and look around in case I catch a glimpse of royal blue mane. The face of princess Luna biting an apple and pulling it out of a bucket filled with water surprises me but she seems happy enough and after a bit of investigation I see Sharp Biscuit watching the princess as well from an alley and eating something. I've sort of admired him since I first met him and now he inspires me again, this time to get something to eat. I light up a vanilla cigarette and find the closest food stand. There is way too many candy shops and similar estabilishments but the only food stand is run by a brown mare with blonde mane wearing a cowboy hat. Evidently even the Elements of Harmony have normal jobs aside from being superheroes. I return to my alley from where I have good angle to see the celebration around Luna and enjoy the apple pie I bought and another cigarette. Somepony is waching. Looking around inconspicuously I see a small black cloud hovering nearby and a movement behind it. Somepony is sneaking up on me. So... what's the worst thing that can happen, another attack? Hardly, probably just a prankster. A quiet snicker from behind the cloud means somepony wants to take a stab at a defenseless pony. I slowly levitate my remaining sword through the shadows behind the cloud to scare the prankter myself. I slap its flank with the flat of my blade and two things happen almost at once. A figure in black bodysuit kicks the cloud and a small thunderclap comes followed by a bolt of lightning. Unfortunately for it, my sword connects with her flank earthing the lightning back to the pranksters behind. That worked better than planned and I grin as a pained yelp comes from the figure which disappears in the distance leaving a trail of smoke in its wake. Looking around proves I lost the princess while eating and the light show over a different part of town is my next destination. When I get to the town square the light show is already over but a different one begins. Princesses Luna and Twilight Sparkle are standing in the middle of the town square with their horns blazing as a barrier of shimmering air hangs around them stopping red and black beam aimed at them by a purple unicorn wearing brown robe with a cape covering her face. At least I suppose it's a female from her size. Sharp Biscuit and some other ponies are taking cover behind the princesses, one of them is another Element of Harmony - Rarity, if I remember correctly. "Not bad, for a newbie," shouts the hooded pony smugly and the beam disappears. The protective barrier stays though and both alicorns watch the attacker carefully. "Do you know who we are?" exclaims princess Luna. "My guess would be Luna, queen Celestia's traitor sister. Aaaaand the one next to you is my favorite pony." The robed unicorn takes her hood off and smiles widely. It is an insane smile I know well from the mirror after another unsuccessful day. This time however it is on the face of a unicorn version of Twilight Sparkle with her eyes covered by bandages which don't seem to hinder her in any way. "Who are you?" asks princess Twilight in disbelief. "Not as smart as you look, are you? Maybe the brain can't handle all the thinking and controlling those wings at the same time. By the way, congratulations on getting those. How did you do it?" Princess Twilight stays silent. "Boring and uptight, just like I remember. Well, I have ways to make you talk." Unicorn Twilight sends another red beam which causes alicorn Twilight to scream but the shield doesn't drop as it's still supported by princess Luna who is barely holding off her anger. "We haven't condemned you yet and you have our curiosity to thank for that but we will be asking questions now! State your name and your purpose here." Unicorn Twilight just tilts her head. "How cute, you really think you are in charge of the situation. Maybe this will-" Luna's eyes glow a brilliant white and a massive lightning bolt strikes robed Twilight. "THOU SHALT ADDRESS US CORRECTLY!" As the dust rises, Luna turns to Twilight. "Do you have any idea who it was? She looked danger-" "Well that tickled," comes from the small crater where unicorn Twilight is still standing with a book floating next to her and red and black smoke floating around. "She has got the Alicorn amulet, I know the feel of that kind of magic," whispers princess Twilight to Luna, warning her to be careful. "Correct, my dear and may I add that the legend about its wearer being the only one capable of taking it off is completely wrong. Oh the memories of ripping that piece of trash Trixie's head off still get me off sometimes." Luna throws a horrified glance at alicorn Twilight who blushes and swears she isn't into that kind of thing. "Pfff at least be honest, cutie," taunts unicorn Twilight her counterpart thanks to her supernatural hearing. Luna doesn't have the patience to continue what seems to be pointless chatter and decides that whoever the unicorn is, she must be wiped from the face of Equestria. A brilliant glow blinds the audience as another lightning bolt strikes the target and is followed by a beam of light causing reality to distort at the place of impact. "DISAPPEAR!" "Not gonna happen, girlie." Unicorn Twilight is still standing untouched, red glow of her horn casting black shadows which look more like holes into deep space. "Buuuut I'm not here for you so why don't YOU disappear once again into the depths of history," the unicorn says pleasantly. The book next to unicorn Twilight flashes white in sync with her horn and the barrier protecting the two princesses disappears. She smiles and aims the glowing horn at the group. Time to earn your paycheck. I don't really want to sacrifice myself for Luna but when I see Sharp Biscuit jumping in front of the incoming glow I dash through quicksand to push him out of the way and succeed in taking the spell directly. I sit down as everything begins spinning and energy begins draining away from my hardened armor. Everypony's voices seem to be coming from far away and via a metal tube. I just want to lie down and rest. "How pointless. I can do this all night but you're gonna run out of pawns eventually," laughs unicorn Twilight. That was stupid. No, it wasn't. That was the one blow I can divert from the princess so she can destroy the attacker. Because that worked last two times, right? Jumping into the spell of somepony on par with two alicorn princesses. How idiotic. I suppose you would have done things differently. Definitely better. You know what? Shut the buck up! If you are some retarded voice in my head or my second ego or whatever the heck you are then why don't you take over and be such a success? You can't because you are trash like me! You just sit there and complain and bother me constantly about everything but you CAN'T DO ANYTHING BY YOURSELF! I- YOU NOTHING! You are just a bit useful sometimes but a giant pain in the ass otherwise. How do I know? Because you are me so either get to the driver seat or shut up forever, is it clear? Silence. Finally. After so many years... just silence. "Now, I think we got off to a bad start. Let's get rid of these interruptions and have some one on one time, Twilight. I think we have much to discuss," says the unicorn. I look up at the unicorn getting closer with her horn glowing, ready to eradicate my existence... or turn me into a mare. Magic studies isn't really my expertise. 'Evil' Twilight looks unimpressed at the performance of both princesses and aims at me. Is this the end? A different voice speaks to me in my head now. Great... I get rid of one and gain another. This is just the beginning, young one. However more pleasant the calm voice is compared to my own, believing him is impossible because the red glow from Twilight's horn intensifies. Why are they just standing? Why aren't they helping? At least run away, idiots, if you can't do anything. They do not care, young one. To those alicorns, you are just a spark that flies up and dies in a flash. They are eternal, you are nothing. But they will learn that nothingness is the most terrifying thing in the entire creation. What are you? You will find out soon enough. For now, call me Void. By the way, I think the nice unicorn lady wants to have a chat. "I would really enjoy ripping you apart limb from limb but my time here is limited. Sooo just die, mister guard." They really could have at least faked some sort of rescue attempt to make me feel better before the end. The glowing horn obscures everything else. I told you this was just the beginning. The light fades without doing anything and when I can finally see again I just stand up after few attempts and see that the unicorn is gone. Tired to death, I turn to princess Luna and salute. "I'm back, your Highness." I would be laughing at their dropped chins if I wasn't completely spent. I've got a new roommate in my head and I've escaped death twice. All in all, not a bad night. And I got a pie. Never forget about pie!