Chapter 16--The Gala
I sometimes ask myself what the purpose of these journals is. The more I think about it, the more they start to seem like a recount of all my tortures in this new world. Admittedly, some of those tortures were self-induced but the fashion show was not.
I don’t know why I’m even recording the fashion show as nothing interesting really happened but it’s a good transition into the gala so I figured why not.
After avoiding Pinkie’s party for me by a narrow margin, I stayed at Fluttershy’s cottage. She was housing an injured bear that had taken up the couch so we shared her bed--innocently, of course; I still ain’t a horsefucker.
The next day, I learned the power of cuteness. I attempted to get out of going to the fashion show but a certain yellow pegasus was very persuasive. And by persuasive, I mean she’s too adorable to say no to.
So I went to the fashion show and, as is usual for fashion shows, it was boring as fuck and nothing interesting happened. We had to do it twice because all the ponies were greedy bitches and didn’t like the first dresses. The dresses were remade to their likings but they were all shit so they had to convince Rarity to remake the originals.
Anyways, that happened and Rarity got a deal with some fashion guy that happened to be there. Now she gets to make ensembles--whatever those are--for many of the more well known guests of the gala for at least the next five years, as the contract said. There was some other stuff that I don’t really care about. Something about making ensembles for other important event or whatever.
Two weeks passed with nothing of importance happening and that brings us to the gala. As you may recall, I had gotten permission to bring Qene with me as long as he stayed in the garden. So, Qene was set to pull the carriage, now we just needed a carriage.
Twilight was doing some studying for something while Pinkie and I were jumping on a trampoline nearby. Qene was chilling under a shade tree and Spike was just standing there watching Twi. We were just outside Rarity’s boutique because she had asked us to gather there so we could all get ready.
Pinkie, being her usual self, was shouting as she jumped. “I. CAN’T. BELEIVE. THE GRAND. GALLOPING. GALA. IS. TONIGHT!”
I was just jumping like a normal person without shouting but then Rarity came out of her shop. “Pinkie Pie, Síor,” she said, “get down from there this instant. It’s time to prepare for the gala and I refuse to let you put on your clothes when you’re all sweaty.”
I stopped jumping and Pinkie somehow slowed down mid-fall to stop. We got down and started heading inside. Pinkie walked over to where Spike was standing and asked, “What’s Twilight doing?”
“She’s got an awesome magic spell she’s been working on for the gala,” Spike said.
“Where are the others, it’s getting late,” Rarity complained.
“Rarity, it’s only noon, the gala doesn’t start for another seven hours,” I told her.
“Exactly,” she replied. “That’s three hours to get ready, two hours of travel time and two hours to prepare our grand entrance.”
“All of you being women, I can understand the three hours of prep time. However, if we fly, it should only take about half an hour to get there. And is the grand entrance truly necessary?”
“Necessary?! Of course it is! Every patron of the gala is practically expected to have a grand entrance. It is not called the Grand Galloping Gala for nothing. An flying will not be acceptable. I know that Qene would only allow you to be his driver and I will not allow you to mess up your mane by flying in the wind. Besides, all air traffic is restricted during the gala.”
“Fine, we can hoof it.” It isn’t until now, when I’m writing this, that I noticed the pun there. “And as for my hair, I don’t want you doing anything too fancy with it.” I should mention that I still had my extremely long hair and beard because I hadn’t asked for anything to shave an I didn’t trust pony barbers.
“Well, I won’t have time to do much to it if the others don’t hurry.”
“Hold your horses, girl. We’re here,” Applejack said.
“Perfect! I’m ready,” Twilight announced.
“For what?” Rainbow asked flying overhead.
“Spike, do you have the apple?” Twilight asked.
“An apple! Are we having pie?” Typical Pinkie.
“Shh, watch,” Spike instructed.
We all watched as Twilight used her magic to turn the apple into a carriage. There was a mixture of approval from the ponies.
“Great,” I said. “Now we just need to get ready and then we can go.”
We all went into the boutique to get ready. I took the dressing room as usual. Spike waited outside the room where we all were for some reason. After a while we heard him knocking on the door. “Come on, you guys, let me in,” he called through the door.
“Sure thing, Spike,” Rainbow called back
“Heavens no!” Rarity exclaimed. “We’re getting dressed.”
“Dressed?” Applejack said. “Uh, beg pardon, Rarity, but, uh...we don’t normally wear clothes.”
“Speak for yourselves,” I said from behind my barrier.
I heard the door open and Rarity moaned. “Sorry, Spike,” she said. “Some of us do have standards.”
“I still can’t believe we’re gonna be in Canterlot,” Spike said. “Our hometown, Twilight! And the best part is that we all get to hang out together.”
“I don’t know, Spike,” Dash said. “I’m gonna be pretty busy impressing the Wonderbolts.”
“And I’ll be sellin’ apples,” AJ added.
“And I simply must find my true love,” Rarity said. I don’t know what she sees in that stuck up prince.
“And I got a party to enjoy!” Pinkie yelled.
“And I’ll be out in the garden making friends with all the cute furry little friends,” Fluttershy said.
“I’ll be doing whatever Celestia has planned for me,” I said while trying to get the stupid dress pants on. Dress clothes are rather comfortable but they’re a pain to get on without messing them up.
“And I’ll be with Princess Celestia catching up,” Twilight said. “But don’t worry, Spike. We’ll all get to spend some time together, too.”
I finally got the pants on and tucked in the button-up shirt. I then put the bow tie on--I have a bit of an affinity for bow ties. Finally, I put on the suit jacket and buttoned the three low buttons and the cuff buttons. I stepped out of the dressing area and showed everyone. “How do I look?” I asked.
“Quite handsome,” Rarity said. “except for that hair of yours.” She then pulled me over and sat me in a chair to try and do something with my hair. “Do you have any objections to me cutting it?”
“Not really,” I said. “I have come to like it long though.”
“Well, I’m not very experienced with long stallion hair, but I’ll see what I can do.” She tried many styles, most of which were rather girly. In the end, she decided that with straight butt-length hair, the best style is a ponytail. Of course, they don’t call it that; they just call it tied-back.
By the time my hair had returned to the style I had already been wearing it in before she started messing with it, all the girls had gotten themselves ready and Spike had put on his little suit so we were ready to go.
I took the driver’s seat of the carriage and Spike sat next to me while the girls were in the back. Spike was telling me his plans for all the girls. I wasn’t really listening because I didn’t really care. I was thinking about the Cult of Random Shady Nachos I. I’ve only been here for two months but in that time, the cult has come up more times than is considered coincidental. Specifically, I was thinking about the Doctor. During our last conversation, he seemed to be acting as though he were being watched. I suspect him to be a double agent between Celestia and the cult. The question is, where does his loyalty truly lie?
I was drawn out of my trance by our arrival at the palace. I realized what Rarity meant by grand entrance when I heard the music start. I haven’t mentioned this before, but there’s some sort of weird spell over Equestria that causes people to start singing randomly and it is almost impossible to resist. As such, I was dragged into this little song of theirs. It was basically a four minute song where they all talked about their reasons for coming to the gala. When it was over, we all went inside to do those things.
Twilight and I both went to Celestia. Twilight to catch up and I to see why she wanted me here.
“Ah, Twilight, Síor. So glad you could make it,” she said when she saw us approaching.
“I’m so excited to be here. We have so much to catch up on,” Twilight said.
“And I want you right by my side the whole night so we have plenty of time together,” Celestia said.
“I was hoping you’d say that,” Twilight replied.
“What about me?” I asked. “Why am I here?”
“Well, Síor,” Celestia said, “I invited you so that you might familiarize yourself with some more ponies. Twilight tells me that you don’t know many ponies outside her and her friends. I would like you to find some ponies here and make some more acquaintances and above all, have fun.”
“Yeah. Sure. Whatever.” I left to go do fuck all. The only thing really worthwhile about these fancy parties is the food so I went to the food table. Of course, it’s hard to hide in the crowd when the crowd is ponies and I’m a human. As such, I was stopped by a number of ponies. One of which was a white unicorn stallion with a quaffed blue mane and a fancy mustache.
“Well, if it isn’t the infamous human, himself,” he said as he approached me.
“The one and only,” I replied. “Name’s Síor.”
“I am Fancypants, First Lieutenant of the Royal Guard.”
“Cool. If that’s all, I’d like to continue to the food table.”
“Please, allow me to join you. Holding the second highest rank of the royal guards makes it rather difficult to get some alone time.” We started walking towards the food table.
“I can imagine. Being the only surviving human can cause that, too.”
“Yes, I bet it does.”
“Was there anything in particular you wanted to talk about or did you just want to introduce yourself?”
“Actually, as you may have heard, Princess Luna is being allowed to take back her rank as ruler of the night after being reintroduced to the public tonight. As a ruler of Equestria, she will have the right to lead her own legion of royal guards. She is looking for the best qualities in a knight and has requested you to be her knight. However, Princess Celestia is also requesting you as her knight.”
“I’ll think about it. I got some stuff going on in the spring, maybe after that. I’m not to fond to the idea of pledging my full allegiance to anyone.”
“There are many benefits to being a knight. As a Solar knight, I am allowed full reign of the castle. I was granted some control of light. And I can see in extremely high light. As a Lunar knight, I imagine you would have full reign of the castle as the Solar knights do. You would probably be granted minor control of darkness and you would probably be able to see in extremely low light.”
By this time, we were at the food table and I was loading my plate up with everything I could fit on it. “I also don’t like choosing favorites,” I said as I finished grabbing one of each variety of kabob.
“Understandable. If you do make a choice, you can talk to either of the Princesses or myself.”
“What about the Captain of the Royal Guard? If I understand the ranks correctly, the First Lieutenant must get permission of the Captain before making any orders.”
“That is true. However, Captain Shining Armor is busy on an expedition to the north.”
“Gryphonia?”
“No, farther north than that. Princess Celestia sent him there on a secret mission.”
“Huh, well if I decide to become a night, I’ll let someone know.” We had now reached the end of the table, each with a plate of food.
“That’s ten bits for the buffet, sir,” a guard said.
“What, no one told me I had to pay to eat.” I saw Fancypants walking off without paying. “How come he doesn’t have to pay?”
“Sir Fancypants is a member and high ranking officer of the royal guard. This buffet is free to the guards but civilians must pay.”
“Don’t worry, Síor, I got it,” I heard The Doctor say from behind me. He paid the guard ten bits for my meal and followed me to a side table.
“Hey Doctor. Fancy seeing you here,” I said.
“Is it really such a surprise?” he asked. “I’ve known Celestia for almost a thousand years. Actually, I should say she’s known me for that long. I’ve known her since she was born.”
“You were at Celestia’s birth?”
“Indeed I was. It was the 21st of June in the year 6,283,183,000. She is currently 2306 years, 2 months, 0 weeks, 0 days, 7 hours, 42 minutes, and” he checked his watch “31.4 seconds old.”
“Wait, so you’re saying that the current year is 6,283,185,306?”
“By the Gregorian calendar, yes. However, the current calendar in use is known as the Celestial Calendar and begins with Celestia’s birth. Therefore, this would be the first day of the third month of the year 2306. This calendar system became common use in the Celestial year 1307, one year after Celestia became the sole ruler of Equestria. This system was created by the scholar Prophetic Mind. Prior to that, the Temporal Calendar was used. Created by Solar Moon--don’t ask me what his parents were thinking--it began on the 23rd of November in the Celestial year 1030 BC. This would be Temporal year 0. Before this, the calendrical history is hard to track but essentially it was changed for the oldest born alicorn of each generation. Before the alicorn race was nearly exterminated, the Gregorian system was still in practice and I have based my calculations of the current Gregorian year based on the time that has passed since the last recorded Gregorian year.”
“Wow, so that means that I’m 6,283,183,310 years old?”
“By technicality, yes, but from what I can tell, you’re only about 20.”
“Well, it was the 21 of June 2017 when the incident at CERN occurred wiping out humanity. So, I just turned 21 a couple weeks ago. Shit, I didn’t get my free drink!” Actually I got plenty of booze that night at Fluttershy’s house.
“Well, I’m sure if you wanted alcohol that badly, you could find some. However, I know it to be outlawed here in Equestria, last I checked.”
“That’s true, but I’m sure I could find some way of getting some. Hey Doctor, there’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you about.”
“Ask away then.”
“I know that you have a sort of double agent status working for both Celestia and the Cult of Random Shady Nachos I, don’t deny it. My question is, who are you truly loyal to?”
“I’m afraid I can’t answer that Síor. I have become greatly accepted among both groups and I have helped both groups in their efforts against the other. Until I know the full motives of both sides, I cannot say which I truly side with.”
“I see. Do you know anything of a being called Discord?”
“Only what I’ve read in history books. Discord once ruled over Equestria with chaos and strife until Celestia and Luna turned him to stone.”
He doesn’t know the true history of Discord. Should I tell him? “Actually--”
I was cut off by Pinkie Pie performing a stage dive and landing on the cart holding Applejack’s apple cake launching it into the air towards Rarity and Blueblood covering Rarity in cake. Next, Rarity began shaking the cakey mess at Blueblood who then fell backwards landing hard next to a statue which began falling. Then, Rainbow Dash decided to take the chance to impress the Wonderbolts by catching the statue. However, it was a little more cumbersome than she expected and she wobbled with it on her back running into a large marble column which created a domino effect knocking down the other columns.
Twilight came into the room then and said the one thing you should never say: “It can’t get any worse.”
Then a bunch of animals bursted through the doors of the ballroom followed by a crazy looking Fluttershy. She then yelled in the scariest and loudest voice I’ve ever heard her use, “You’re going to LOVE ME!!”
By that point, the ballroom was in pure pandemonium as plenty of ponies were perilously running from the animals. Celestia told Twilight and her friends, along with myself, to get out of there while she fixed the place up. We all went to a local donut shop where we found Spike. The girls explained how their nights had gone and we spent the rest of the night together eating donuts and enjoying each other’s company. I never saw The Doctor again that night but I figured I could talk to him another time. Celestia gave us all rooms in the castle to stay for the night and the next morning we returned home.