Of all days! I found my secret chamber! I honestly cannot believe it, and now here I am sitting; thinking in the dark! Well, I am actually writing by candle light; but what does that matter? I have pondered, and concluded that I don't want another marefriend. It’s far too much trouble and she will only backstab me! So as long as I keep myself secluded I should be fine. My only issue is that I moved to Canterlot. I have no work, and I need to keep myself alive somehow. I really don't want to just die out of the blue, though I still wish that the witch was here.
Never before have I been so excited, nor so happy. The closest I have been to this was finally being free from my wife's grasp; and prior to that, first getting into her grasp.
In many cases though, I do miss Brush Art, and Scribbles. Yes, I did love them, but they needed to go. That is why their passing was painless, I had no issue with them. They simply were in that awkward position, and I had the strength to do what needed to be done. That was a year ago, so it matters little. Now I have to find a way to sleep again, but is there a way without hurting other ponies? I don't know, but I must find out soon. As much fun as it was, I am not sure if I am up to the task of being the nations pony hunter. I don't know, maybe I need to accept it. It might be my fate, my destiny. I guess only time will tell.
I DON"T WANT THIS! I keep asking myself why, and in truth.... I have no answer. Deep down, I just want to be left alone. Deep down… I really just care too much. Yet on the surface, in plain sight, I have nothing but rage and hate. I loved once, and now all I can do is hate!
Reason? It is all the eyes staring into me... when I am not looking, I am being hunted. I must stop! Too many have hurt me, and I don't know what to do. Is it time to go back to the old remedy? I don't know, my desires are many. All I can do is just bury them so deep underground that I have to worry about them no more.
Yet people still ask how I am doing, and every day I answer with a lie. I am not ok! I don't care about you so shut up and go away! Every pony, run from me because I will kill you! Stay out of my way! To this moment, there are no words to describe my rage. I see the butterflies, and all I want to do is rip them apart with my teeth. Put those bugs through so much pain they will wish to have died yesterday!
I do think it is time for my old remedy, to take my special box and prepare my knives. Yes, my favorite tool is the knife. Many uses, but I found the one true use!
Now, where is that rat? My blades are hungry.
I found a new job today. Not a new idea of a job, it being one I am quite familiar with. I am used to cleaning, since I have done it all my life. Whether it be ponies’ offices or public parks, I know how to clean. Who doesn't? No, what is new about this is the company. Though they are new, it is sweet little corporation that started in a town I am all too familiar with. Maybe one day I can make my way into that town and work there again, yet that day will have to wait. How could I face those who I have stolen from? No, my time will come where they can see me again; but first I have things to do, and ponies to greet. Mercy is a word that none will know with me around. I am their king and they will bow to me.
Numbers are only there to help measure things, actually that is what they are there for. Let’s lay out an example, something I found out is that I have already killed eleven ponies. First my wife, then my kids; a total of three lives from the start. Then there was that swindler that tried to steal from that cute unicorn in Canterlot. Let’s just say he won't try to steal again. Then, I had to kill a mare and Stallion because they saw me kill a colt who insulted me; that's seven lives right here. That was probably around the time where I felt invincible. Then give or take a few days, I found a few other ponies that were ugly, so I killed them as well. So, soon I found the number eleven to be my grand total, but now... I think the number is too small. It's not enough.
As of right now, I feel no guilt. Yet, every night I see her smile. It will only bring peace to me for so long before that smile haunts my dreams. I had that dream for quite some time, or at least I think it was a dream. With that time I was able to think upon what it meant, and soon I came to the realization that the more lives I harvested, the longer the smile became. I truly believe that's a sign that I still have more work to do. How will I accomplish this monumental task? To find friends to help.
How could I forget that laughter? The laughter that I create? The very sound which could define all forms of madness, singing its masterpiece in an ongoing basis. Like a river flowing, smooth as glass, only to be interrupted by the rapids the calm instantly destroyed.
Without it I cannot survive. That is why I could not forget that laughter. Like food, it strengthens me, allowing me to move on. Yet, I wish not to, for my amusement drives me into farther activity.
Five blades, five friends; each giving themselves unwillingly for my cause. Yet I care not; they betrayed me, like my wife. Now I must go and give them my final gift.