//------------------------------//
// Epic Laughter 
// Story: Epic Unicorn History: The Beards of Harmony 
// by PresentPerfect 
//------------------------------//

Epic Unicorn History: The Beards of Harmony
by Present Perfect

Epic Laughter

"A-riddle-dee de-diddle die-de-doh!  The sun is up!  Me nose has ceased to grow!"

Most days, the farmsteads on the outskirts of Canterlot were blessed with peace, but on this day, that peace quailed beneath the boisterous, if melodious, antics of a pink stallion in motley and his favorite lute.

"A-riddle-dee de-diddle die-de-day!  Then raise the moon, and thou'lt be right as day!"

Shuffling along behind him, their faces bearing various degrees of irritation, embarrassment, disdain and, in one surprising case, actual amusement, were a quintet of stallions of various colors, bedecked with travel gear suitable for a lengthy journey.  Pinkbeard gyrated and cavorted in front of them as they pressed on through the farmlands, drawing stares both curious and consternated from the numerous hardy-looking earth ponies in the fields.

"What manner of ponies be these?" Rainbowbeard asked as they passed through, heedless of who might overhear.

Applebeard rolled his eyes.  "Farmers." He nodded to a mare with a wicker basket perched on her head, and she returned the gesture, somehow without losing a single one of the potatoes in her basket.  "There's guid cropland outside Canterlot."

"Oh?" Prancebeard kept his eyes forward.  "No doubt thy hovel slants hereabouts."

Applebeard growled.  "Och, if'n y'er oot tae malign me, at least be stallion eno' tae haver at me face!"

"Now now, me gents," Pinkbeard sang, prancing in between the two, "let's not begin in hate!  I'll march thee back before the magistrate!"

Prancebeard cleared his throat, looking as if he'd swallowed a snail.  Applebeard turned his attention back to the fields.

"As I were sayin'," he continued, "farms ring the city an' grow what we eat.  My farmstead, since ye asked sae kindly, sair, be north o' toun.  'Tis hillier there, but better fer late-year crops like apples."

"I am somehow not surprised that that be thy trade," Prancebeard muttered.

"A farm!" Pinkbeard gasped.  "I'll quickly stock provisions for our trek!  Just wait a tick..."

He dashed off across a field as the rest of them turned to each other with confused looks.

"He's quite the odd one," Hushbeard rumbled.

"Aye," Star Swirl said, nodding.  "Thou'lt not find a more accomplished jester in all the land, for he truly liveth the part of the consummate fool."

"'Tis enough to make one wonder," said Rainbowbeard, drawing out his words, "just why the King saw fit to saddle us with him."

"He possesseth a map of the forest, if thou hast forgotten," Prancebeard said, earning a glare.

"Hmm."

Star Swirl drew his eyebrows together, following Pinkbeard's progress through the field.  First he spoke to a pair of farmhooves, who took him to the house nearby.  Another farmer emerged, and Pinkbeard began cavorting and leaping while speaking animatedly, though out of earshot from them.  At length, the farmer nodded and disappeared back into his home.

"I should like to see this map, I think," Star Swirl said.  The ponies around him nodded in silent agreement, and they waited.

They were still watching the farmhouse a few minutes later when Pinkbeard walked up the path the way they had come and announced, "Potatoes, lads!"

Five ponies had never jumped higher at once.  The display was made even more remarkable as one of them was not even on the ground at the time.  They turned as one, absolutely not frightened out of their collective wits, and regarded Pinkbeard with a mixture of fury and confusion.  Not only had he appeared from a seemingly impossible direction, he was just barely balancing a rather large pile of potatoes on his back.

"The farmer haggles well, yet I prevailed!"

Whatever protest any of the other stallions might have offered died at that, and the potatoes were divvied evenly among them.  Somehow, Pinkbeard had managed to procure just enough to fill the remaining space in all their saddlebags, without overly encumbering any of them.  As they picked up the journey once again, Star Swirl broke the silence as Pinkbeard reached for his lute.

"Friend Pinkbeard, might we see that map thou spokest of earlier?"

With a sharp intake of breath, as though he had forgotten about the map in question, Pinkbeard dove back into his saddlebags and, after a moment's rummaging, produced it.  Star Swirl lifted it and held it out for all to see.

It was a fairly large and ragged scroll of tan parchment, with brown, weathered ink that traced out the forest's major details: an outline of the western and northern edges, which they were approaching, and a number of major landmarks, but no trails or paths.

"Dark Falls," Star Swirl read aloud, squinting at the page, "Misery Marsh, Grundle Gorge, Valley of No Return..." He looked up.  "From whence didst thou obtain this map, Pinkbeard?"

Pinkbeard hop-skipped in a circle around them.  "A gift it was!  My father gave it me, when from a witch he did it soft abscond!"

"Hmm." Star Swirl nodded gravely.  "I must admit, it giveth precious little to go upon.  Where even would we look for a cure to the ailment threatening our land?"

They closed ranks around the map, creating a five-pony pileup in the middle of the road.  With much grunting and complaining, the stallions untangled themselves and Star Swirl scooped the map back up, holding it aloft once again.  Engrossed as they were with the map, they did not notice the approach of a band of dour-looking ponies from the opposite direction.

Rainbowbeard, hovering above the map, tapped it with his hoof.  "Perhaps here?"

The dour ponies, accustomed to cries of terror from travelers on the road, or at least a little bit of fleeing at their very sight, gave each other quizzical looks.  Their leader stepped forward and cleared his throat.

"The Castle of the Ancients?  Why would that spot be likely?"

The ponies on the other side of map frowned, shuffling their hooves and checking to make sure their daggers were sharp enough and their barding dirty enough to strike fear into the hearts of common ponies.  Their leader put serious effort into clearing his throat again.

Prancebeard frowned.  "For that matter, why would any spot marked on this map be likelier than any other?  We may as well delve Misery Marsh or the Glade of a Thousand Thorns."

Star Swirl held the map aloft, grunting and squinting at it as though his gaze alone could bore through its mysteries and into the truth behind them.  "True that may be.  It stands to reason that any location containing a great power would be worthy of note on such a map.  We need but choose one to explore."

The leader of the dour ponies scowled, glaring back at his band.  He received only shrugs and shaken heads in response.

Rainbowbeard scratched under his beard.  "It makes sense to me."

Heads nodded as Star Swirl's magic traced a path from the bottom of the map through some of the landmarks, stopping on the castle.  "Look you here: a path suggests itself.  We can visit these spots in turn.  Surely one will posses that which we seek."

"A-hem!"

There was a loud tearing sound as a blade split the map cleanly in two.  In the gap between the halves stood a short, stocky, scraggly earth pony, who looked fit to glare a hole through a barn.  Behind him were nearly a half dozen more earth ponies of various sizes and shapes, and with varying levels of intimidating countenance, snapping themselves to attention.

Star Swirl blinked at the ponies.  His companions did likewise.

"May we help thee?" he asked at length.

"Aye!" the pony spat.  "Ye can help us empty yer coin purses!"

There was a brief exchange of glances before the six stallions burst into raucous laughter.  The bandit leader took a step back.

"I-I'm serious, ye blaggarts!  'Oof yer money over or we'll gut ye!"

One of his burlier compatriots spoke up.  "Yeah, we've got ye outnumbered, six to... Err... By 'alf!"

"Heed this instead, you shrimp of a toad," Rainbowbeard said, swooping forward and glaring down at the bandit.  "You lot lay down your weapons and we'll not divest you of your heads." He grinned at the stallion, to show he was being more than gracious.

Pinkbeard spoke up.  "Good Rainbowbeard, methinks it not advised to speak in such a manner, like a churl!"

Rainbowbeard lifted an eyebrow at him.

"I'll play a tune, and then we'll all be friends!" Pinkbeard strummed his lute and danced forward.  Twirling upon one hoof, he broke into a sprightly reel.  The bandits watched him closely, and one of the larger stallions in the back began tapping his rear hoof against the ground in time with the song.  He stopped as his companions turned to glare at him, withering under their gazes.

"Enough o' this," said their leader.  "Ye'll soon see we're not ponies to be trifled with!" He thrust his knife at Star Swirl, who jumped back, eyes wide.

The lute fell silent.  All eyes turned to Star Swirl.  He vibrated for a second, and then a neatly trimmed portion of his beard fell to the ground.  One of the bandits let out a strangled yelp as Star Swirl's face transmogrified from a palette of shock and disbelief to a shadowed mask of rage.

"My beard!"

The next sound anypony heard was a prolonged scream as the bandit leader sailed through the crisp morning air, disappearing with a twinkle over the horizon.

There was a loud gulp from the remaining bandits, and then a long pause as Star Swirl panted, sides heaving.

"H-hey," said one bandit, who was perhaps not as bright as he looked, "we've still got 'em outnumbered, lads!"

"Aye," said another, "and we'll split the take fewer ways now!"

"Let's get 'em!"

With a half-hearted war cry, the mass of ponies surged forward, splitting around Star Swirl, who fumed as he stared down at his shorn beard.  Four of the five stallions in Star Swirl's company met the charge head-on.

Applebeard knocked a pair senseless with two well-timed kicks.  Rainbowbeard grabbed one and lifted him skyward in a sleeper hold.  Hushbeard glared silently down at the two who had approached him until they crept away, tails between their legs, to rethink their life choices.  Prancebeard enveloped one in his magic and held him aloft.  (In truth, he was trying to recreate Star Swirl's rather impressive feat of telekinesis, but found the brigand in his grasp just a bit too heavy for tossing, and also it was rather warm out, wasn't it, and perhaps it might be better to just brain him against the ground instead.)

That left two more bandits matched against Pinkbeard.  They flanked him, sneering and snarling as they circled.  Pinkbeard returned their scowls with a grin and an extended tongue.  Hoof-waggling and silly faces sadly had no positive effect on their demeanor.

"How now, my fellows two, let's have a tune!  I saw you tapping hooves when last I played!"

"Unstring that lute and ye'll be eatin' it," growled one of the bandits.  The other drew his dirk and licked the edge.  Then he winced and gave a choked cry of pain.

Pinkbeard frowned.  "I'll have no bloodshed, mine nor even yours," he said, and clicked his tongue.  He strummed his lute, heedless of their warnings.  "Let's dance and sing as all are wont to do!"

Standing upright, he jigged his right hoof and twirled in place.  The bandits did not in fact take the opening he provided, and he only grinned wider.

"What trials would put a stallion on this path?  No pony vies for ill when he could laugh!" The sounds of battle died away as Pinkbeard's voice rose in song.  "So harken, friends, and sing along with me!  The day is young, and merry we should be!"

The bells on his hat jingled as he stepped and bounced in time with the song.  The bandit who'd seemed enraptured by it earlier began tapping his hoof loudly, and soon he was joined by others.  The ponies on the ground, though they were wounded, fought through the pain with rhythmic groans.  Those who hadn't begun fighting started to dance.  And the pony that Rainbowbeard had lifted skyward craned his head around and said, "What say, mate, put me down?"

Rainbowbeard shrugged and let him drop.  The bandit didn't let landing on his head stop him, however, and was right back on his hooves, staggering around with his comrades in the best semblance of dance they could muster in their somewhat beaten states.

Star Swirl watched the cavorting and merrymaking with a lopsided smile, finding that he too was tapping his hoof along with the beat.  He was joined by Rainbowbeard, and then the others, none of them any more immune to the jollity than their former opponents.

Rainbowbeard's face was a picture of incredulity.  "'Tisn't possible to make bad ponies into friends just by dancin' and laughin' with 'em, is it?"

Star Swirl sucked in a breath through his teeth.  "Mayhaps it is."





There was no debate with Hushbeard when he insisted on binding the worst of the wounds that had been inflicted upon the former bandits.  Now, those that were able stood before them, heads held low and hooves shuffling in the dirt.

"Y'see, Master Pinkbeard," the largest one was saying, "we never wanted to hurt no ponies, it's only we don't rightly agree wid' earth ponies 'n unicorns 'n pegasuses--"

"Pegasi." Rainbowbeard's voice cut through the other pony's like a sword.

"Er, pegasi..." The pony swallowed.  "We don't think all of them livin' an' carryin' on together is right proper, y'see."

"We done learned our lesson, though," said a second.  "It was mostly Crookneck what told us that was wrong."

"Master Pinkbeard's song taught us lots about friendship and get-alongin'," added a third from the back of the group.  "A-and you lot as well, sirs."

"Aye, we see the error of our ways."

"Right good 'n proper it is fer pony harmony, I says." The first pony stood up straight, not smiling, but meeting Star Swirl's gaze.  He turned to Pinkbeard.  "Many thanks to ya, Master Pinkbeard."

"A dance with friends is thanks enough indeed," Pinkbeard said, waving his hoof and bowing.

There was a pause before the first pony spoke again.  "O-only, we've talked, the fellows and me, and now we've no idea what to do with ourselves."

Applebeard sniffed.  "Seems t'me there's lots o' farmsteads 'ere whit need strong backs an' willin' 'ooves fer plantin'."

"The city has plenty of work for ponies such as yourselves," Star Swirl said with a nod.  "Your activities here in the borderlands need not become general knowledge."

There was much nodding and mumbling of agreements from the former bandits.  Rainbowbeard scoffed and waved his forelegs at them.

"Wait, you can't tell me you're just going to let these ruffians go without punishment for their crimes!"

"We can and we will," Star Swirl said in a tone that brooked no argument.

Prancebeard strode forward.  "And for the troubles we've caused you all, a small token." He sent a potato out of his stores to each of the reformed bandits, whose faces lit with smiles.

Rainbowbeard's jaw dropped.  "Trouble we caused them?"

"Thou didst drop one on his head," Prancebeard said with a sniff.

"That's our food, you daft idiot!" He flew up between the two groups, looking from one side to the other.  "Does nopony here care for law and justice?"

"We care about harmony, friend Rainbowbeard," Star Swirl said slowly.  "That, after all, is the foundation of this new society in which we all live."

"I'll see no pony hurt while yet I breathe," Pinkbeard declared, brandishing his lute at Rainbowbeard, who was taken aback at his companion's sudden vehemence.

Pinkbeard closed his eyes.  "An orphan like my father 'fore me was, I swore to make all ponies family.  If bandits, bakers, thieves or princes be, I'll name them all as kinsfolk to myself." Inhaling deeply, he drew a hoof upward, clenching his teeth.  "And so all Puddingland I did adopt, and thus my kinfolk's numbers teemed and grew."

Star Swirl cast a look at Applebeard.  "'Puddingland'?"

The farmer shrugged.  "Us earthers ain't too creative."

Pinkbeard opened his eyes, grinning.  "Just one of many names the place has had.  But in Equestria we now do live, and so anew I cultivate my kin."

Eyes skyward, Rainbowbeard let out a long and forceful sigh.

"So you think all ponies are your family.  A lovely notion." He glared at the bandits.  "All right then, you lot!  You heard Master Star Swirl the Bearded, so you'd get a move on before I have second thoughts about letting you live.  And remember his name well, for he's the pony that granted mercy on your ungrateful hides!"

One by one, the bandits shuffled down the road, bowing their heads and murmuring thanks to each pony in turn.  As they passed the party, potatoes were consumed amidst discussion of what they might do with their lives.

Rainbowbeard hovered, watching them go with a scowl across his face.  Once they'd gone a few hundred feet, Star Swirl's horn glowed.  The others watched as his beard did likewise, and the cut portion grew back out to its original length.

"A trick that is quite useful, I should say!" Pinkbeard exclaimed.

Star Swirl grinned slightly and rubbed his hoof on his robe.  "Star Swirl's Beard Restorer.  Believe me when I say, 'tis a spell whose name you shall hear spoken of in the history books."

"I insist thou teachest me it," Prancebeard said.  "With such a spell, I could my beard grow long and never worry of charring it again!"

Star Swirl opened his mouth, but before he could respond, Rainbowbeard flew into the center of their gathering. "If any of you had sense in yer heads, you'd be off into the forest instead of gadding about!  I could finish this quest by nightfall and you'd still be here jawin'!"

Then he flew off, leaving a rainbow streak headed west.

The five remaining stallions gave each other a look.

"We'd best be off after 'im," Applebeard said.

They took a collective step and stopped as the rainbow streak reappeared, Rainbowbeard at its head.

"Remind me again," he said, without a hint of chagrin, "which way the forest lies."

Star Swirl brought a hoof up to his face.  "South, I should think."





Thick grass swallowed the path as the forest's entrance came into view, as though the road knew better than to come much closer.  Dark trees loomed up into a hazy and undifferentiated blanket of green.  Here at the outskirts of the Forest Ever Free, the trunks were imposing, but not unwelcoming, sure enough in their own ability to intimidate that they needed neither black bark nor sharp thorns to scare away potential intruders.

It was not a happy place.

"Gentlestallions, we've arrived," Star Swirl said, as though announcing the final stop of a funeral procession.  Several gulps were audible behind him.

"Perhaps the native life will welcome yet?" Pinkbeard offered, clutching his lute tightly.

"Better prepare yourself, fool," Rainbowbeard hissed, swooping next to the earth pony's ear.  "'Twill no doubt be all manner of monster and ghost within this forest!" He made a grand sweep of his hoof.  "Creatures with pointed teeth to spear yer hide, great bat wings that you'll not hear comin' in the night, and deadly stingers full o' poison!"

Pinkbeard's teeth began to chatter loudly.

"C-come now," said Prancebeard, "y-you're scaring the lad."

"We've nothing to fear if we stick together," Star Swirl said.  "Just remember how we took down the mountain lion.  Naught within this forest will stand against we six, eh?"

He turned to view his companions, none of whom could quite meet his gaze, their expressions ranging from concerned to outright frightened.  Then, as one, their eyes widened, and Rainbowbeard pointed to a spot behind Star Swirl.

"Ah, Star Swirl..."

Wheeling about, Star Swirl's heart skipped a beat.  Before him were six ponies that had made not a sound on their appearance.  None of them were of any particular description, nor did they wear clothing, yet neither were they possessed of the same dilapidation as the bandits from before.  They held their heads high, gazes steady and serious, and neither moved nor spoke.

The silence was broken by the strum of a lute.

"Aha, my kin!  I'll charm you with a song!"

"Hold, Pinkbeard, something's amiss..."

The protestation was lost as Pinkbeard cavorted up to the forest entrance, lute humming and bells jingling.  He caught the strange ponies' attention, but they only watched him, their stances and expressions unchanging.

"I sing to thee, hello and harmony, as all within these lands so fair and strong do seek, promote and find upon the day!  I bid thee welcome with this lovely soooong!"

There was a lengthy pause.

"I dinnae think they're bitin' the bit," Applebeard murmured, and two or three heads nodded.

Pinkbeard remained unaware of the lack of effect his antics were having.  He performed a hoofstand, launching a soft ball into the air.  It split at the apex of its flight into colorful streamers that fluttered to earth, drawing precisely no reaction from the strange ponies.

He cartwheeled and capered, made faces, stuck his hooves in his mouth and waggled his tongue: nothing.  Stone-faced, the ponies kept their positions, not even moving when he leapt upon one's head and did a jig.

Finally, chest heaving, Pinkbeard alighted on the ground and pushed his face up into that of the lead pony.

"Just what, I ask, would make thee crack a smile?"

The pony blinked, unnaturally slowly.  He betrayed no hint of emotion, but in a voice like a winter morning, said, "Stay.  Out."

Pinkbeard's eyes went wide.  He reeled back, grabbing the neck of his lute in both hooves, and with a cry of fury drove it into the side of the lead pony's face.  It made a sound not dissimilar to that of a piano falling from a ship's rigging onto the deck.  The pony staggered, glaring at him, and its companions withdrew into the forest, disappearing into the gloom.  The pony put a hoof to his face, winced, spat on the ground, and then followed them.  Moments later, it was as if nopony had been there at all.

Pinkbeard huffed and puffed as his companions rushed up to him, shock reading on all their faces.

"I thought thou wishedest no ponies come to harm," Hushbeard said slowly.  He took a step back as Pinkbeard drew his gaze up to meet him.  It was filled with a fiery determination that none of them had heretofore thought possible from the jester, and he spoke in a voice like a stretched violin string.

"Those were no ponies, as I live and breathe."

The others moved to join him.  Rainbowbeard scratched the back of his head.  "They looked enough like ponies to me."

"If not ponies," Prancebeard asked, "then what manner of creature were they?"

"Hmm."

The others looked to Star Swirl, who was focused on a patch of ground.  He held up a hoof coated in something that shone green in the shadow of the trees.

"I know not what they were, but I agree with friend Pinkbeard.  Those were no ponies."

"Oh, disgusting," Prancebeard said, wavering a little on his hooves.  "Monster spittle!"

"Aye," Star Swirl said, wiping the mess back onto the grass.  "But just what sort of monster...?"

Pinkbeard staggered forward a step as Rainbowbeard punched him in the shoulder.

"Well done, me lad!" he bellowed.  "Taking on six monsters single-hoofedly!  Truly a feat worthy of myself!  Why, if only we'd thought to bring ale, I'd call a toast to thy valor!"

Brightening, Pinkbeard doffed his saddlebags and rummaged in them.  "Good Rainbowbeard, thou be not too far off!" He emerged holding a full tankard of ale, complete with a thick head of foam.  "I brought good ale, and plenty here for all!"

Five jaws dropped.

"How did he do that?" Star Swirl looked around helplessly at the others.  "How is he doing that?"

"I'd call it a facet of our friend's charm," Hushbeard murmured.

Pinkbeard merely grinned and waggled his head.

Releasing Prancebeard, Star Swirl sniffed and dusted him off.  "Well, charming as thy trick may be, 'twould be wise we not partake until the danger is past."

The tankard of ale disappeared back into the saddlebag, which remained surprisingly dry.

Rainbowbeard frowned.  "What, not even a little drink?  To, ah, gird ourselves before enterting the forest?"

Prancebeard clucked his tongue and rolled his eyes.  "Not even an hour into our journey, and all thou canst think of is ale?"

Rainbowbeard scowled at him, but Applebeard held up a hoof.

"Courage," he said.  "'Tis but a wee stand o' trees.  Like Star Swirl said, if we stick togither, we'll be safe as rocks in th' rain."

"Aye," said Hushbeard.

"Aye!" the others chorused.

"Then it's settled," Star Swirl said, stepping ahead of the group.  "Into the forest we go."

Star Swirl remained at the fore.  The others remained in the rear.  The wind rustled the tops of the trees, and the birds and insects grew still.

"Into the forest," Star Swirl said, turning to look at his compatriots.  "We go."

Prancebeard was looking off to the side.  Applebeard stroked his beard while chewing the inside of his lip.  Rainbowbeard stuck out his hoof, as though he were offering something to Star Swirl.

"After you, I should think," he said.  His grin was somewhat too wide.

Star Swirl shook his head and led them into the forest.





Past the threshold, the light reduced to nearly nothing.  What light came through the treetops looked like worms, sickly and wan, creeping slowly toward the forest floor.  The ponies were all too aware of it being just before noon, the sun high in the sky, which only made them keep their guards up.

From the moment they entered, every stallion felt eyes upon him.  Sounds of twigs snapping and animals murmuring in the underbrush caused them to twitch and cast their gazes about, doing nothing to diminish the sensation of being watched.  But as they began to make steady if slow progress and nothing jumped out at them, their courage grew.

Thus they were quite prepared and not the least bit frightened when they came upon a clearing filled with snarling monsters locked in mortal combat.  Star Swirl held up a hoof and they took shelter within a bush.  Heads poked out one by one as they took in the battle.

Four canine creatures made of sticks and leaves had surrounded a much larger beast seemingly composed of a lion, a bat and a scorpion.  Its roars were weak and its movements sluggish.  The numerous scratches and weals on its hide attested to the duration of the attack, as well as its own durability.  Any strength it had was rapidly waning, however, and the pack held fast around it.

"Timberwolves," Star Swirl whispered, "and a manticore."

"A stinger, wings and teeth aplenty, eh?" Pinkbeard elbowed Rainbowbeard, who cleared his throat and rubbed his chest.

"I'll have you know, I was making that up.  I've never heard of such a--"

"Quiet!" Star Swirl hissed.  He watched the timberwolves intently as they ducked and weaved around the manticore's clumsy claw swipes.  Across the clearing from them lay a brook.  Star Swirl took out the pieces of the map once again, checking and confirming his suspicion that the water would be their surest path to follow.

"Whichever party wins will be our next opponent," he said, "so you will do well to study their movements.  A full-grown manticore may look fearsome, but I shudder to think of our odds against that pack."

The manticore gave a horrid screech and lashed out at one of its assaulters.  The timberwolf misjudged its position and was reduced to splinters.  Unfortunately for the manticore, this left it open to the other three, who pounced on it.  With a howl, the manticore went down beneath the timberwolf pack, its tail thrashing and stiffening before going still.  The sounds of a messy feast soon filled the clearing.

Rainbowbeard sucked in a breath through his teeth.  Prancebeard turned green.  Applebeard shrank back into the bush.  Pinkbeard stuck out his tongue.

"Methinks he'll never play the flute again."

Star Swirl wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead.  "Courage, now."

"We might be able to sneak past," Hushbeard said, "while they feed."

Prancebeard dove back into the bush, clutching his stomach.

"Aye." Star Swirl nodded, and waited for the rest to pull themselves together.  "On three."

After a silent count, they crept one by one out of the bush and into the clearing.  Keeping to the edge, they tiptoed around, counting on the gloom to keep them hidden.  The timberwolves were distinctly wrapped up in consuming their kill, which only served to remind the ponies what might happen should their stealth fail them.

Fail it did as Prancebeard stepped upon an errant twig, a remnant of the defeated timberwolf.  It was not the snapping of their kin's bones that brought the attention of the timberwolves, however, but the collective groan of anguish and recrimination from the rest of the group.  This fact was lost on the ponies as the result was the same: a trio of menacing growls and the scent of fetid plant matter on the wind.

Though the river was in sight, breaking for it would result only in their slowest members being picked off.  Star Swirl turned to face the beasts, the others taking his cue.  There was a moment's pause, then the timberwolves split and struck.

That the ponies outnumbered them two to one proved to be no advantage.  The timberwolves were agile enough to deal with two opponents at once, and divided them up accordingly.  Prancebeard met the first one with a glow of his horn, but his attempt to lift the beast failed, only dislodging a few twigs here and there.

"Hold!"

Star Swirl stepped in front of Prancebeard just before the timberwolf struck.  It collided with a shimmering field of magical energy, making a loud crunch as it scrabbled to find purchase.

"I've no talent for heavy lifting," Prancebeard said, frowning and taking a step back as well.  "One would think, given my time spent with hammer and anvil, that my magic would fare better against large objects."

Star Swirl gritted his teeth, pushing his shield against the timberwolf.  "Magic does not grow like a muscle, lad." The timberwolf, overwhelmed, sprawled onto its stomach.  Star Swirl collapsed the shield into a cylindrical ram and drove it into the timberwolf's head.

Grinning, he turned to Prancebeard.  "So be aware of thy talents."

Prancebeard frowned.  "Such as...?"

Star Swirl snorted.  "Thou art not a heavy lifter." The ram slammed into the timberwolf again and it snarled.  "Instead, thou mayst be adept with smaller objects, perhaps many at one time."

"Well, I suppose..." Prancebeard started, making a strangled noise as the timberwolf behind Star Swirl shook itself off and lunged for him.

"Then 'tis simple!" Star Swirl grabbed the timberwolf in his magic without turning around.  It growled and snapped its jaws as he drew it over himself and in front of Prancebeard, who cringed.

"This beast is made of many small parts.  I suggest divesting it of a few."

Prancebeard stared at Star Swirl's smile, until understanding dawned on his own face.

Pinkbeard was not faring as well.  A timberwolf snapped at his heels as he made a mad dash around the clearing perimeter.  Above them, Rainbowbeard followed, his expression growing more irritated as it drove off his every attack.  It was so quick in fending him off that Pinkbeard had no time to muster his own assault, and could only keep running.

"Confound this creature!" Rainbowbeard dove again, stopping short as wooden teeth snapped at his hooves.  "Confound it!"

"It likes me not, this wolf of leaf and twig!" Pinkbeard said in between puffs.  "Or else it thinks of me a tasty treat!"

The timberwolf fended off another attack, this time with enough speed to leave a scratch along Rainbowbeard's rear pastern.

"Ragh, confound it all!"

He grabbed his leg and hung back, rubbing it and trying to formulate a better plan.  As he watched Pinkbeard, however, his jaw slowly dropped.  The jester had gathered enough speed that he was running along the trees, still circling the clearing but now doing so rather sideways.  A plume of leaves and dust kicked up behind him.  As he continued to gain speed, the timberwolf fell behind, until eventually it stopped, opting to wait and lunge at Pinkbeard he passed by.

"How..." Rainbowbeard shook his head and blinked a few times.  He threw his hooves up and shouted, "How're you doin' that?"

"Well, don't ask me!" Pinkbeard huffed.  "It works!  Now hit the thing!"

With one more shake of his head, Rainbowbeard pressed his hind legs together and dove hooves first into the timberwolf's back.  It howled in pain and he smiled.

Applebeard and Hushbeard, meanwhile, were dealing with the largest of the pack.  Applebeard bucked at its side but found his blows glancing off the beast's hide as it focused its attention on Hushbeard.  He was retreating step by step, throwing up his forelegs as the timberwolf attacked.  Every time it bit down into his hoof, he grunted, then twisted his hoof to loose its grip.  Though he was not much worse for wear, neither did he return the attacks.

"Come now," he said, "you've a great fat manticore to eat.  You needn't bother with tiny stringy ponies like us." He dodged to the side, still moving at a snail's pace.  "Go on, we've done you no harm.  Once we've made the river, we'll leave you be."

Applebeard grunted.  "I dinnae think sweet talkin'll work, Hushbeard!" The timberwolf lashed out with a hind leg, kicking him back a dozen paces.  He hit the ground hard and rolled, groaning.  "Augh, me best spleen...  Curse ye, gi' it a whack!"

Hushbeard shook his head, throwing up his right fore as the timberwolf lashed out with its claws.  The attack once again slid off his hoof.  "As Pinkbeard has sworn never to hurt another pony, so too have I sworn to hurt no living thing, so long as I draw breath."

"Now ain't th' time fer stickin' by convictions, mate..." Applebeard wheezed and pulled his rear legs up to his chest, rolling onto his side.  "Och, Ah'm fair 'urt, wot about me?"

The timberwolf in Star Swirl's magical grip had become much easier to contain since Prancebeard had succeeded in pulling its front legs apart.  It still thrashed and snarled, but by ones, twos and dozens, Prancebeard was quickly peeling sticks from its outer layers.

"It grows more difficult," he said, straining at a particularly tough, thorny branch near the tail.

"The closer to its core, the greater its cohesion," Star Swirl shouted over the timberwolf's growls.  "They're magical beasts, constructs of the forest.  They gain power simply by being here."

In between blows, Hushbeard glanced at his fallen comrade, but with the timberwolf in the way, he was at a loss for options.  That's why the first attack the timberwolf landed on him was due to his being distracted by Star Swirl's shouting.  The powerful claw strike did nothing but force him to take a step back and left a gash in Hushbeard's hide garb.

"Didst thou say these beasts are magical?"

"Aye!" Star Swirl called as the head of the timberwolf he was holding finally plopped onto the ground amidst a heap of twigs, leaves, branches and bark.

Hushbeard's eyes narrowed.  "So be it then."

He took a step to the side, and the timberwolf mirrored his move, watching him closely.  Hushbeard eyed its shoulder.  Thus far, it had led attacks with its right side, and when it moved its right leg, the leaf atop it twitched.

The leaf twitched.

Hushbeard reared back as the timberwolf cleared the space between them in two bounds.  Its jaws opened, stake-like teeth glistening.  Just as it was upon him, his head rocketed forward and collided with the timberwolf's nose.  Immense bulk met agile inertia, and the timberwolf's head cracked and splintered as Hushbeard cleaved a hole clean through to its shoulders.  As the rest fell to pieces before him, he rushed to Applebeard's side.

"Och, et's aboot time, ye braw galoot."

The final timberwolf had turned its attentions from Pinkbeard to Rainbowbeard, who was doing his best to harry it from above.  He laughed and growled as it snapped at his heels, while Pinkbeard continued running on the trees.

"Pinkbeard, I'm sure you're having fun, but a bit of help would be appreciated!"

"On three then, Rainbowbeard!" The words were something of a blur, spoken intermittently as he passed Rainbowbeard's position.

Good to his word, though, after three more revolutions, Pinkbeard sprang off the nearest tree.  He tucked his knees up under his chin and with a shout of "Huzzah!" impacted rear-first into the timberwolf's back.  Rainbowbeard shielded his face as twigs and branches flew everywhere.  When he uncovered his eyes, Pinkbeard gave him a half-hearted wave and a smile.

"I'm pooped," he said, panting.

"Art thou injured?" Hushbeard asked as he helped Applebeard to his hooves.

"Been haler." Applebeard grunted as Hushbeard began prodding his side.  "Och, I caught me breath, I'll live, quit wi' yer fussin'."  Hushbeard frowned, but said nothing.

They gathered around Pinkbeard, who was still catching his breath.

"That was quite the display," Rainbowbeard said, pulling him up to standing.  "Had I no use for wings, I'd ask for a lesson."

Pinkbeard grinned at him.

"Well, that was certainly invigorating." Star Swirl looked to each of the others and blew out a breath.  "Are we all sound to continue traveling?"

They all looked to Applebeard, who nodded stoically.  "Aye."

"Pinkbeard, the map again if thou wouldst."

A flash of pink dove into their bags and Pinkbeard emerged with the map pieces.  Star Swirl began humming and grunting as he studied it, nose brushing the parchment.

"We've only just entered, so we can't be very far in..."

"Er, Star Swirl?" Prancebeard said.

"Curse this thing and its lack of trails!"

Rainbowbeard cleared his throat.  "Star Swirl, should that be happening?"

"Not now.  Canst thou not see I am busy cursing this map for giving hope where there is none?"

"But Star Swirl..." Applebeard hesitated.

"What?" Star Swirl's head shot out of the map and he glared a hole through Applebeard's head.  "Can I not have five seconds to--"

Pinkbeard grabbed Star Swirl's head and turned it to the side.  From that angle, he had an excellent view of the remains of the timberwolves, including those of the one dispatched by the manticore.  They glowed and shivered, as though blown by some ethereal wind.  And as the six stallions watched, the assorted sticks, leaves, branches, and even some rocks swirled together.

"What are we to do about that?" Hushbeard asked.

A vortex of green energy gathered the detritus into a pillar that towered into the treetops.  The clearing expanded as entire trees uprooted to join with it.  Legs the size of tree trunks, a cavernous mouth of sharp teeth as long as each pony was tall, and blazing eyes filled with hatred and hunger emerged from the swirling maelstrom.

"What cruel joke is this?" Star Swirl snorted and dropped the map.  "Nevermind, you lot.  The mountain lion was larger and made of sterner stuff.  We'll dispatch this monster in no time."

The timberwolf king roared at them.  On its breath came the stench of centuries of death and decay, as well as enough force to blow them backward.  Prancebeard turned green and was unable to stop his breakfast from rejoining the earth.  Rainbowbeard and Star Swirl recovered quickest, forming a rank.

"Stand fast!  We'll show this foul forest titan what we're made of!"

A tremendous wooden paw loomed over them and it was only by the grace of Rainbowbeard's swiftness that Star Swirl was not flattened into a pony pancake.  He lifted Star Swirl and set him atop the timberwolf's back, where the unicorn began pummeling it with hammers made of pure magic.  Prancebeard attacked its underbelly, tearing at the pieces that held it together, while Rainbowbeard swooped at its head, Pinkbeard assailed it with his lute, and Hushbeard and Applebeard bucked at its legs.

The battle was quickly not going the ponies' way.

Though Rainbowbeard was able to keep its attention, the timberwolf king's size meant that it merely needed to move in place to keep the land-bound ponies on their hooves.  Prancebeard found the pieces of wood harder to dislodge than ever.  Neither Applebeard nor Hushbeard was able to dent the thick hide.

"Is anypony else having luck?" Star Swirl shouted, clinging to the timberwolf's back as it turned beneath him.  "I may as well beat a mountain with sticks for all the good I'm doing!" He dismissed the constructs and conjured a fire spell, but the timberwolf's timbers were so damp that it did little more than release a puff of steam.

"The going is slow," Prancebeard called, wiping sweat from his brow, "but I've nearly removed two whole branches!"

"My lute is stuck!" Pinkbeard shouted, for indeed his lute had become embedded in the timberwolf's thigh, branches and twigs twining out to incorporate with the instrument.  "These vines won't let it go!"

"We're doin' nae guid here!" Applebeard ducked to the side as a monstrous paw came down in front of him.

"I can think of no better tactic," Rainbowbeard said.  He was breathing heavily, still keeping up the acrobatics but wearing from constant directional changes.  "If we cannot come up with another and soon, I'm not sure what will become of us!"

As luck would have it, their decision was made for them.  The timberwolf king lunged forward and feinted, nabbing Rainbowbeard by the leg.  He yelled in pain as the timberwolf whipped its head around and tossed him out of the clearing, off into the treeline.

Applebeard stopped and looked up.  "Rainbowbeard!" He was kicked into the undergrowth by a massive leg.

Hushbeard renewed his attack on the leg, but faltered when Prancebeard was swept from beneath the timberwolf by powerful jaws.  He screamed as he hurled over the treetops, and Hushbeard soon joined him, thanks to another powerful kick.

"No!" Star Swirl shouted, forming a lance of magical energy and driving it into the back of the timberwolf's neck.  Wood cracked and splintered, but left little more than a large dent.

The world heaved.  Star Swirl lost his grip and the timberwolf king bucked him out through the treetops.  As he tumbled and span, unable to concentrate long enough to cast a spell, all Star Swirl could see was a spot of pink on the timberwolf's side, still tugging at that stuck lute.





Star Swirl came to upside-down against a tree.  Opening his eyes brought dim light streaming through, and he winced.  Shaking, he let himself down into a laying position, then stood, hissing as his legs creaked and popped.

"Nothing broken," he murmured.  "So where in the donkeys am I?"

It was not so much a clearing as a space between trees.  Something that might have been a path once vanished a few feet to either side of him.  Off to his left, he caught a glimpse of light.  For a moment, he thought it might actually be the forest entrance.  But as he focused on it, something moved, and the light was cut off.

He shifted on his hooves.

"Right, Star Swirl old colt: tossed stars know where in a dark, scary forest that just might be alive, separated from your companions, and no provisions in sight.  First order of business..."

The trees gave no clues as he turned his head this way and that.  They seemed to lean in toward him.  Silence boomed in his ears.  Gritting his teeth, he lit his horn, and after a few moments, a portion of underbrush just wide enough for him to pass through opened before him.

"Not as much as I'd have hoped," he muttered.  "I pray that fall did not addle my brains even more..."

Passage through the forest was fraught with snags, and the continual outpouring of magic was quickly wearing on him.  Snapping twigs in the distance caught his attention and something brushed past him.  Heart racing, he turned, but only dense forest greeted him.  The clear space in which he stood seemed to be shrinking.  Though his hooves shook, he pressed on.

"Calm thyself," he said, somewhat louder than necessary.  "You've been through far worse in your life.  It's been a very long life, filled with meaningful exploits that will be remembered for generations after you're gone..."

He chuckled, but it was dry in his throat.  The forest echoed it with the mocking caw of a raven.

"Remember the great gargoyles in the Caverns of Maretania?  Now there was a real dustup!  Thought you'd met your end three separate times!  But you made it out alive, the entire company too, and you'll make it out--"

He froze, sniffing the air.

"What's that?  Who's there?"

He whirled, the bells on his cape jingling dully.  His eyes scanned the trees, darting left and right.  His hooves trembled as he backpedaled.  The trees shone a sickly grey in his horn light.

"Stay back, you!  I've a horn!"

The earth giggled.  He could feel it rolling underhoof, just as sweat was rolling down his face.

"I'm warning you!"

A blast of magic lit the area, careening off the bole of one tree and ricocheting across two more.  It ended at the base of a large branch that snapped off and fell.  The smaller branches at its end collided with Star Swirl's back, raking over him like dozens of pointed fingers.

With a yell, he ran.

As his hooves pounded the dirt, he could feel the eyes on him, hear the screams and laughter echoing from every shadow.  The fleeting glimpses of sky alternated between day and night.  Claws snatched at his hat.  Vines gripped at his heels.  The darkness, like a blanket, smothered him.

The scream wrenched from his throat was swallowed up by the forest around him, just as it threatened to swallow him.  Between the animal sounds, the rustling of the leaves, his heartbeat pounding in his ears and cadence of his own hoofsteps, he could hear nothing but that wretched song overtop everything.

"Wait a minute... song?"

Star Swirl came to a screeching halt and turned his ears this way and that.  The forest seemed to give him a little breathing room.  Sure enough, after a moment, he could make out the strains of a lute being plucked and a voice singing.

"A-riddle-dee de-diddle die-de-doh!  Where am I, mother?  Doth nopony know?"

Lightning surging in his chest, he dashed through the undergrowth, kicking branches and annihilating foliage with his horn.

"A-riddle-dee de-diddle die-de-dum!  These woods are dark, but so's me granny's tum!"

"Pinkbeard!"

A short struggle later, Star Swirl emerged in a clearing where the pink jester was busily cavorting, all on his own.  With a whoop, he ran up to Pinkbeard and threw a foreleg around him.

"You wonderful buffoon, you've saved me!"

"Don't thank me yet, we still have four to go!" Pinkbeard sang.  "A-riddle-dee de-diddle die-de-doh!"

One by one, the other stallions emerged from the underbrush, with shouts of joy and a lot of hugging and back-pounding on Pinkbeard.

"Let me say nothing against thy singing again, Pinkbeard," Prancebeard said, grinning from ear to ear.

Applebeard thumped him on the back, laughing.  "Who'da thunk 'twould be a braw beacon o' licht in the dark?"

Pinkbeard's song ended, and he bowed.  "I'm happy just to see you through your fright!  As well, I brought the things that we might need!"  He spread his hooves and somehow produced all five stallions' saddlebags and gear, tossing them neatly upon their backs.

"How does he do that?" Rainbowbeard's eye twitched.  He zipped down and grabbed Applebeard by the shoulders, shaking him.  "How does he do that?"

"Och, put me doon, ye daft pegasus!"

"For that matter," Star Swirl said, "how didst thou escape from that enormous timberwolf?"

Pinkbeard waggled his head, placed a hoof to his lips and went, "Shh." Then he held up his lute.  Instead of the finely-crafted and polished pinewood instrument he'd left Canterlot with, the piece had become dark brown, nearing black.  Its contours were knobby and lumped, as though a tangle of vines and branches had grown into something resembling a lute.  Leaves emerged from the ends of the tuning knobs.  The whole thing glistened and shone in the dim forest light.

"Quite the lovely instrument, 'tis not?"

Five stallions passed wide-eyed looks at one another.

"If 'tis no trouble, Pinkbeard," Prancebeard said, sitting down, "I think I would like that drink now."