//------------------------------// // 2- Pranks and Problems // Story: Safety Regulations // by JumpingShinyFrogs //------------------------------// "Hey Dashie!" Rainbow Dash woke with a start. Narrowly avoiding falling off her cloud, she yawned and stretched her wings. She looked down at Pinkie Pie, who looked happy as usual, but not quite as happy as she normally did. Rainbow descended to meet her friend. "Hi Pinkie. Why'd you wake me up?" "I need your help! It's super duper important!" said Pinkie. "Uh, ok? I'll help. What do you need me for?" asked Rainbow. "There's a mean old alicorn being mean to Twilight! I need your help to teach her a lesson!" said Pinkie. "Mean? What was she doing?" asked Rainbow. "She just went into Twilight's library and started bossing her about and complaining! And then she threatened to make Celestia come after Twilight!" said Pinkie. "Are you sure that's what she said?" asked Rainbow, an eyebrow raised in suspicion. "I'm more than sure! I'm one hundred and infinity percent sure!" "Alright then..." said Rainbow slowly. "What do you want me to do about her?" "I need you to help me teach her a lesson...Pinkie Pie style!" said Pinkie, donning a terrible and cunning moustache. "And that would be...?" asked Rainbow. "Pranking her, of course!" said Pinkie. Rainbow visibly relaxed. "Is that all? I guess I'm always up for pranks." Pinkie Pie constricted Rainbow Dash in a crushing hug. "Yay! That alicorn is really going to regret bullying Twilight when we're through with her!" Rainbow pushed Pinkie off of herself and took a deep breath. "Ok, ok, no more hugs, alright? So, what's first on the list of pranks you probably have made?" she asked. Pinkie produced a checklist from out of nowhere. "Well, because she's an alicorn, and all the alicorns are princesses, and her mane is red and her cutie mark is a candle, I've deduced that she must be the Princess of Fire!" Rainbow gave Pinkie a skeptical look. "Uh-huh. And I suppose these are the same amazing skills of deduction that led to you assuming that Doughnut Joe was a spy," said Rainbow Dash sarcastically. "Exactly! So, because she's the Princess of Fire, then logically, she hates water! So, this is what we're going to do..." Twilight felt as though her head was going to explode. Candle Light had not stopped talking since she went on her first rant. Twilight was sure that if she heard the words 'fire safety' one more time that she would surely buck the rude inspector in the face. "...and that's why kettles are dangerous and should be illegal," finished Candle. "Have you been listening?" "Uh, yeah, sure," said Twilight. "Good. Now then, take me on a tour around the rest of your town. I want to see what other safety hazards you've created in this burning ring of fire," said Candle. "Well buck you too..." swore Twilight under her breath. Twilight led the inspector out of the door. The pair walked for a short while, passing some of Ponyville's many residents. "So, where do you want to inspect—" Twilight articulated the word as condescendingly as she could "—first? I suggest Carousel Boutique or Sugarcube Corner. They're relatively close to here." "Take me to this 'Carousel Boutique'. Fashion stores are always flaming disasters, both in style and safety." So Twilight led the way to the boutique. Suddenly, a torrent of rain began to fall on Candle, and only Candle. It somehow missed Twilight, and the surrounding area. Twilight looked on with a confused expression. Soon the deluge stopped, and a very wet Candle stood dripping. She looked up and Twilight followed suit. Sitting on a cloud directly above Candle was Rainbow Dash, who was wearing an expression that was some strange hybrid of laughter and puzzlement. "Rainbow! I told you already that that's not funny!" scolded Twilight. "Leave her be, Princess Sparkle," said Candle, placing a hoof in front of Twilight's mouth. "Your rain kicking skills are admirable! But I'd recommend keeping your clouds cooler. If you were trying to stop a fire, you'd need cold water. But still, you showed a great skill in focusing the rain, and for that, I applaud you," said Candle amiably. "But, next time, maybe choose a different target for your fire drill, ok?" Rainbow Dash opened her mouth, thought better of it, grabbed the cloud and pushed it away. Twilight too looked on in shock. "Ah, today's youth. So eager to perform safety drills. When I was a filly, nopony but me had any respect for safety. And even I, loathe as I am to admit it, had no interest until that fateful day." Candle's eyes glazed over. It was clear to Twilight that she was on a nostalgia trip. Shrugging, Twilight kept walking, taking the nostalgic inspector with her. By the time they reached Carousel Boutique, Candle had unfortunately gone back into grumpy mode. Twilight knocked on the door once and entered. "Welcome to Carousel Boutique, where everything is chic, unique, and magnifique," called the sing-song voice of Rarity. "It's me, Rarity. And I brought a guest with me," said Twilight. Three exuberant filles came running downstairs, and skidded to a halt just in front of Twilight. "Ooh! Rarity, can I serve the customers this time?" squeaked Sweetie Belle. "We can be Cutie Mark Crusaders Customer Service Mares!" shouted Scootaloo. "Calm down, girls. We don't know what Twilight's guest wants, now do we?" said Rarity, walking out with a spool in tow. The three fillies looked at Candle, then at each other and converged into a huddle. Rarity rolled her eyes. "I swear, those three will end up destroying Ponyville someday. So, Twilight, will you introduce me to your friend?" Twilight winced at the label of 'your friend' being applied to Candle Light. "This is Miss Candle Light. She's a safety inspector. She wants to check your fire safety regulations." Candle was hyperventilating, her eyes squeezed shut. "Oh, the amount of problems I saw in a single glance makes me want to be sick," she moaned. Rarity gave a small, polite cough. "What's wrong, dear? Would you like some water?" Candle opened her eyes. "Yes, but not before you get a stern lecture on safety regulations. Problem one: you have only one exit. What if a fire broke out and cut you off from the door? Problem two: your windows are too small to be used as escape routes. Problem three: I can't see any fire extinguishers anywhere! This is just terrible! Flaws like these should be against building codes," she said. She turned to Twilight. "You're doing a horrible job at this. You should outlaw these kinds of building errors." Rarity stared straight ahead, her mouth open, and a tic in her eye. Twilight looked red in the face, her teeth ground up against each other. Unbeknownst to them, a different set of eyes was watching, and it was not happy. "How dare she be so mean to Rarity and Twilight?" asked Pinkie, stomping up and down. "We'll, to be honest, she did make a few fair points—" Rainbow started to say, before a glare from Pinkie silenced her. "And why didn't the cloud work? That should have scared her enough to leave!" shouted Pinkie. "Quiet, they'll hear us," Rainbow shushed her. "That inspector is crazy though. She congratulated me on fire drills or something. I flew away before she could figure out it was a prank," said Rainbow. "Well, there's plenty more where that came from..." said Pinkie evilly, once more donning her moustache As Twilight and Candle left Carousel Boutique, Twilight decided she needed to have stern words with Candle. "Miss Light, that was completely uncalled for!" "I was only doing my job," said Candle. "That's no reason to insult Rarity's building structure," said Twilight, barely biting back her rage. "That's my job, Princess Sparkle. To tell ponies what's wrong with their building regulations so they can fix it," reasoned Candle. "And then you insulted her dresses and called her little sister a fire waiting to happen!" "Princess Sparkle. It's. My. Job," said Candle Light, punctuating each word by narrowing her eyes more. Twilight sighed in exasperation. "I give up," she said. Crack! Candle jumped three feet in the air with a screech, her wings locked to her sides. She landed in a similar manner to Fluttershy's fainting position; stiffened, on her side. Twilight jumped slightly. She saw a smouldering scorch mark on the ground behind the safety inspector. She glared upwards at the sound of laughter from the storm cloud. "Rainbow Dash! That's not funny!" "Are you sure?" asked Rainbow, in between bursts of laughter, "Cause I think it is!" Candle got up. A fire had lit in her eyes. She looked upwards at Rainbow Dash. Rainbow stopped laughing. "That was terrible! Don't you know anything about storms? For a mare with a lightning bolt on her flank, you're surprisingly incompetent at wielding them. Never, ever kick a storm cloud at a low altitude! You could hit somepony, or worse, start a fire!" exclaimed Candle. "Uh...sorry?" offered Rainbow Dash, flying away before Candle Light could get even angrier. "Your town has an unpredictable weather schedule," Candle grumbled. Twilight couldn't hide her smirk, so she turned her head away. "It didn't work again! What are we going to do, Dashie?" asked Pinkie, wearing her cunning hay bale disguise. "Give up?" suggested Rainbow Dash. Pinkie gasped. "Never!" "Besides," she said, "I have a new plan...and it's my best one yet!" "And that would be...?" asked Rainbow Dash, waving her hoof in a circular motion. "Hee hee!" laughed Pinkie evilly. "Can you find the Cutie Mark Crusaders for me?"