I do apologize for the delay in my reply, Vi. After you asked me if I’ve ever been bullied, I knew I had to sit down and drum up the post you’re about to read, going through a lot of memories and contact with some of my school chums in order to bring it full circle, not to mention some of the research I sifted through in order to verify those notions. I promise, though, it was worth the wait, as bullying is such a sticky thing to deal with,and demands a more nuanced examination to fully grasp it in its three components: physical, psychological and sociological intimidation.
Now, during our lunches together, the nouveau riche students I spoke with enlightened me to many of their subtleties, the young male-Midnight Blaze, I believe his name was-speaking of the atomic wedgies and such he endured, and of the constant harassment his sister, Lily Blossom, went through. They framed her for petty crimes, threw her books in the trash, threatened to cut her hair, and much more, all because they either were dressed in improper clothing, or their peers praised the bullies for those vile acts.
As for how they looked, Midnight Blaze was a buzz cut young lad with a wiry frame about him, in those days, while his sister was a lithe-looking young lady with coke bottle-esque glasses, and hair like auburn jungle vines. They were excited to transfer to my school because they thought it would be a chance to find better people there, which, even amongst the other bellends they ran into, Midnight Blaze said they found in me.
I was glad to do that for them, but not long after we established a rapport, the same tactics they discussed began coming my way, starting when someone struck me in my bum, and I reached for my back, to find a "Kick Me" sign stuck to it. As shocking as that was to me, it only marked the beginnings of far worse. As you learned during our meetings at Stacks, it had progressed to some of them chasing me around with scissors, dumping water on me while I was in the loo, then to planting someone's wallet in my desk, and claiming they would say I stole it unless I did their homework and other things for them, along with who knows how much else from both complete strangers and those I considered my friend during that that time
Although I was deeply hurt by it all, sometimes to the point of not even wanting to go to school, I grinned and bore it, and did so for one key reason: my lunchtime companions. Without me there to provide a listening ear and support, they became that much more vulnerable to their assailants, as I learned when Midnight Blaze stood up to the woman who threatened his sister with scissors in the park, and found himself ganged up on by some of the Lacrosse team the next day.
I remember well how angry hearing that made you, more so after I told you the main culprits belonged to some very powerful families, and that disturbing them could have further serious consequences for anyone bold enough to face them. I and the others accepted this as fact, but the bruises on his face filled me with an anger I never felt before, the kind that drives people to desperate lengths to create change. With my time at the boxing gym you introduced me to still fresh in my mind, I knew I had at least some tools to do something about it, which I did, sometime during the next lunch break. I confronted who I thought to be the ringleader, and had, if memory serves, the following exchange.
"Well if isn't Tavi," she sneered out at me. "Did you let those peons style your hair?"
"Did you let a blind person style yours? From looking at you, it seems you're fine with letting them dress you"
"Yeah, whatever. At least I don't spend my day studying, practicing the cello, and being a nerd”
"Excellent comeback. I'll have to compliment your hangers on for supplying you with it."
"You really think I need them to be better than you?"
"Well they certainly do help with a lot. After all, beating up people as thin as a stick, cornering people who couldn't harm a fly, and figuring out how to open a door is hard work"
"Big talk for someone hasn't proven crap to me. How about we meet up at the park next week?"
"What, to prove you can't take on anyone without a wolf pack accompanying your every step?"
"To prove that you can't walk the walk. Next weekend, you and me, at the park at dusk. We settle this once and for all, and you'll see how big a mistake you just made crossing me"
I couldn't begin to describe how nervous I was the following week. My heart beat like a war-drum, electricity shot through my spine, and my head stormed with doubts about what could happen, my parents just as nervous after I told them about what happened. Naturally, they were none too thrilled that I wanted to take her on, but a couple days before I was to head to the grassy clearing at dusk, I got a message from my father instructing me on how to record them in secret with my iPlayer, along with what to do once I, Midnight Blaze and Lily Bloom got there. On that day, as I handed the iPlayer to my male traveling companion, I recalled the closing statement of that message:
"Come home safe, and come home knowing you held naught back against her"
I stared across from their assailants and took in every detail my eyes could discern, while they bragged about both the acts they got away with, and acts they had in mind. Their leader's checkerboard sneakers, stonewashed jeans, black and white, two tone halter top, and cyan pixie cut with frosted tips was branded into my memory as she stepped out from between her 2 similarly dressed flunkies, and congratulated me for having the spine to show up, quickly adding, "You even brought an audience to watch me kick the crap outta you" The only thing I could think to do was take my stance, and say, "It's always nice to have people there to help you up when you fall, something I'm sure your friends will do for you, soon enough"
As we circled each, a million thoughts raced through my head. Would she have any experience at this? Would it be 1 on 1, or 1 on 3? What will happen to me at school if I win? My palms were covered with sweat, my muscles were as taut as violin strings, my nerves felt like they were ablaze, and suddenly, after one step forward, she charged at me with a wide slap. On instinct, I ducked forward, and shot out an overhead. Before I realized it, it landed plush on her chin, and sent tumbling like a fresh cut pine tree to the floor beside me. Suddenly, Lily Blossom rushes past me, and I look back to to see one of the flunkies coming at me. As quick as a hiccup, she ducked an incoming hook and wrapped around her waist, popping behind her, and popping her up into a belly to back suplex. Seeing that poor women dropped right on her head almost made me feel sorry for her, more so with the accompanying thud of her skull on the hard packed dirt.
Not a second after, the ring leader awoke to see the terrified look her sole flunky standing gave her, looking down to see the other out cold. Without a second thought, they both ran for the hills, leaving their friend far behind them. After they left, Midnight Blaze pulled a white box with a red cross from his shoulder bag, and went to do something unthinkable to the unconscious flunky: they watched over until she regained consciousness a half hour later, then offered her medical assistance. She, like myself, couldn't believe that the people whose lives she helped make miserable were taking time to help her out, and when she asked why, this scene, to the best of my memory, is what took place:(her name, by the way, is Shimmering Wave)
"You bleed, cry and fart the same as us, don'cha?" Asked Midnight Blaze. "Just 'cause you did us wrong don't mean you don't deserve help. I'd be a mighty lousy medical student if I thought otherwise"
"But we sent the Lacrosse enforcers to beat you up. I had the scissors pointed at your sister. We were gonna beat up every last one of you, and post the footage on the net. How could you even consider helping someone like me?"
"Vengeance darkens our vision, and poisons our soul, does it not, Ms. Shimmering Wave?" Said Lily Blossom. "To let those flow away, would it not be better to forgive our transgressors, and see their reasons for what they do? Besides, I'm certain you'd prefer that to the alternative"
Shortly after, they helped her get home, and discovered a great deal about why they went after us so doggedly. From what I heard, the bully I faced, whom she kept referring to as Coco, actually started to bully when she verbally cut down one of her more uptight classmates on her first day at school, and her classmates cheered her for it, Shimmering Wave being among the adoring masses. In time, her targets grew beyond those who annoyed her classmates, to those who annoyed her, such as my two companions and myself.
When I asked what she meant by annoying, she brought up how Coco hated the classless way they spoke, their overly familiar manner of socializing with everyone, and how oddly they acted, in contrast with the others at school. Because I started socializing with such people and kept them from pounding down the stuck out nail, I also became annoying to her, and thus made myself open game the more I refused to back down and join them.
It seemed odd that she would come after me and others, considering how willing she was to lend others her support, as I routinely saw her do for her two flunkies during lunch. Now that I look back, I wonder how I could have missed that before, considering how extensively she spoke to them of the mental abuse she faced at home, her parents, according to Shimmering Wave, saying things like,"Can't you do any better than this?" and threatening to send her to a disciplinary camp in the woods after repeating the lyrics to "unwholesome music". Some of the research I turned up afterwards pointed towards this lack of self worth as one of many possible triggers for her behavior, which, when paired towards a sense of resentment and entitlement, can drive them to take their aggression out on others.
I noticed this more and more in the days after the incident, when she found herself more isolated from those around her, and no longer could intimidate anyone into doing her bidding, that intimidation deflating like a popped balloon after someone posted the fight I had with her onto GlobalStarHipHop, or whatever that site is called. I saw the defeated look in her eyes each time sure was rebuffed, and wanted to offer her a listening ear, but I couldn't think of what to say. What could I say to someone whom I humiliated, whose identity as a bully and figure of authority I played a part in eroding, who now did not even have her flunkies in her corner?
Part of me feared her outbursts would grow worse if nothing was done, that she would grow more resentful, more bitter, more destructive towards those around her. Those fears reached a fever pitch after one of her flunkies brought a group of young women to confront her at the front of the school, their aim, from what I saw, being to poke fun at her, and demean her the way she had me and my lunch time companions. Right when I turned to Lily Blossom to ask what we should do, she made a beeline for Coco, quickly standing beside her, and asking the people circling them, "Pardon me, ma’am. Is there a problem, here?"
"Yeah, there is.” their leader answered, gesturing towards Coco. “This little maggot doesn't know her place, so we're gonna show her"
"And what reason would you have to do that? I assumed she was your friend"
"Friend? Tch, not anymore, now that she's so weak"
"So you attach yourself to those stronger than you, and prey on those weaker, then? A classic survival strategy for those who cannot survive on their own strength"
"Why the buck are you here, then, eh? You probably think you need to stand up for Coco, here, 'cause she can't stand up for herself"
"On the contrary. You may see immense weakness in her, but I've witnessed immense strength. Why, if she so desires, I believe she can use this strength within to do great things with her life, as well as for others."
"As if. If she has such immense strength, why do you wanna fight for her?"
"I am not fighting for her. If you intend to fight, then I will fight with her" As soon as she said that, Midnight Blaze and I looked at each other, and nodded, shouting "So will we!" while we made our way beside them. From among the crowd, I heard Shimmering Wave yell, "Me, too!" joining us, as we stared them down, and waited for them to make the first move. One by one, the young women started to walk away from the scene, the crowd starting to jeer the more their ranks shrank. When Coco’s former friend was the only one left, I heard Shimmering Wave, clear as a bell, yell, “Unless you want a 5 way beatdown, I suggest you take your cowardly behind on out of here, and out of our sight, you bum!” With that person’s departure, Lily Blossom let out a cleansing breath, and checked to see if Coco was alright. After Coco asked, “Did...did you really mean all that stuff about what you saw in me?” I was privileged enough to see this chat between them all as we all walked down the street, a chat which has stayed with me to this day:
“Have you not lent Shimmering Wave a listening ear when she needed one? Did you not stand up for her when rumors were being spread about her sexual activity? Were you not ready to stand alone against the 5 we just faced? All that is more than enough proof of what I see”
“Did all the times I pushed you guys around prove what you see, too? For that matter, why is Shimmering Wave here, after I left her to get clobbered, and she told me to buck off? All of you should’ve left me to take the beatdown I deserved”
“I was certainly considering it,” said Shimmering Wave. “But after I talked with them, I started thinking about the whole forgiveness thing. Still kinda salty about what you did, but you know what? Ain’t one of us perfect, and we ain’t always clutch when we need to be. On top of that, if we hold on to our hate for something or someone, that mess eats us up from the inside out, like it happened to you...and happened to me, too.”
“We hurt a lot of people, didn’t we?”
“We did, Coco, and I doubt any of the people we hurt will let us forget that as long as we live.”
“What can we do, then?”
“Do the opposite of what we did then: put some good vibes into the world, and show folks the brighter side of being alive, not to mention make up for all the crap we did, starting with them.” At that moment, they stepped in front of us, and, in unison, said, “We...we were complete blockheads for treating you the way we did, and we’re sorry for everything. I hope you can find it in you heart to forgive us.” The second after they said that, I offered to treat them all to a meal at the local vegan burger joint, ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Vegan!’ and watching them all grow into good friends as time passed, and they started to understand each other more during our meals together at the cafeteria.
As is the case with these kinds of matters, their change of heart did not end the bullying, and another quickly rose up to take the mantle. What did change, however, was how willing others were to stand up and refuse to let it take place, especially in the presence of Lily Blossom. When I asked her what made others hesitate to step to her after word about the incident spread, she let out a chuckle, and told me, “That tends to happen when they find out about my brother and I’s extensive background in Cloudsdalian wrestling” I only hope Coco is in just as high spirits working with that Suri woman in Manehatten, and hopefully is not resolving conflicts by smacking others upside their head