Working his way back up the forefront of the establishment Jon was only slightly surprised to see that Rarity wasn’t in the waiting room of the spa. There were still a fine selection of ponies eager to get in, some of whom saw Jon go in first; and it was those ponies that were the most confused since he was now wearing his new black suit even though he entered with his older grey one. Leaving them to wonder if clothes restoration was some kind of new treatment.
But out of all the ponies new and old in the waiting room none of them was his purple haired friend.
“The hunt continues.” Jon thought. “For the rare ‘Fancyous ponyous.’” Jon scanned the room from right to left ignoring all the unwanted staring eyes. Eventually he saw who he was looking for. Even though he did a quick look around the area, he didn’t even notice if the ponies in the room were staring back at him because his focus was on the lone figure waiting just outside the building, who he could see through the window on the side of the building.
“There you are.” Jon thought as he made his way to the entrance, passing pony after pony who he didn’t know.
The second he passed archway and back into the outside world he could hear the unmistakable sound of rumours being whispered by those who got the chance to see him. But Jon didn’t care about idle gossip... not yet, at least.
“Hello Rarity,” Jon announced in a very dull and placid tone, like he’d just awoken from a particularly boring seminar on watching paint dry. “Hope, I didn’t keep you.”
Like some kind of super model Rarity turned around with such grace and form that it looked like she’d been practicing in front of a mirror to get it just right. Her hair, which at this point was well beyond shiny, glistened and it swayed along with the movement of her face, causing her to do a quick flip of her head so she could see. If nothing else she could easily get on TV as a shampoo model.
“Oh Jonathan darling, there you are!” She said. “I was beginning to think you’d never leave. Though I can’t really blame you, now can I? This place is simply heavenly! Wouldn't you agree?”
“Oh yeah it’s... it’s something alright.” He commented as he rubbed his lower back and dragged his finger through his once clean hair. “But listen if we could be serious for a second.”
“Oh of course!” She responded.
“If you think I’d let someone on my show because they treated me to a day at the spa then you're wrong.” He explained. Surprising Rarity in a way that made it seem like she should have known that. “Oh but please don’t get the wrong idea, this was very nice and--”
“No, no, you are absolutely right!” Right interrupted by raising hoof to stop Jon from talking any further. “And I should have realized that! Oh how embarrassing, sometimes I can be quite the fool.”
“Hey don’t be too hard on yourself.” He advised as passing ponies began to stop and stare, slowly starting to make a small crowd.“As long as you now know better.”
“Oh and I do! Honestly I don’t know what I was thinking! If I want to be worthy enough to be on your illustrious program then I’m going to have to do more, so much more” She said as she grabbed Jon’s hand to have it a gentle pat. “Thank you Jonathan for showing me the way! For my eyes are open and I can now see that if somepony like me would even dare to dream of appearing on television then I’m going to have to convince you with more... shall I say sophisticated methods!”
“Exactly now yo-- wait what?” Jon asked.
“Don’t worry darling, I understand.” Rarity acknowledged in an overly dramatic way which only caused more ponies to gather round. “I see now that a human as refined as yourself will needs more convincing than just new clothes and a mere spa date... a lot more.”
“No, no, no you still don’t understand!” Jon urged, but they fell on deaf years. “You don’t need to keep doing things for me! You’ve already--”
“I realize now that I have failed to impress you and as a mare about town this simply won’t do.” Rarity interrupted. “Which is why, while you were still inside, I’ve made reservation at a local restaurant for two... there we will share a fabulous meal for two while discussing any further arrangements.”
More and more a crowd began to develop around the two. Partially because the two were making so much noise and also because most of them were stunned to see a famous human in their midst. For them, even with their lack of context, they knew already that Rarity was blowing things well out of proportion. Some of the gathering ponies chuckled at the dramatic unicorn while Jon slapped his face with the palm of his hand.
“Rarity for the love of-- you don’t... I mean this is all just... UGH!” Jon moaned as he rubbed the back of his head. He was starting to think that no matter what he said it wouldn't matter with Rarity trapped in her own apparent world. “I... this.... ugh, this restaurant of yours... exactly how local is it? Is it any good?”
“Oh it’s the most delightful little restaurant you’d ever seen! It’s called ‘The Rapide Nourriture;’ Great service and their creme brulee is to talk of legends; it’s my favorite restaurant” She explained. “As for where it is it’s at the corner of Hoofington street and Saddle avenue.”
Jon recognized the street names from when he and his wife both came to Equestria for a dinner date on Celestia.
“CANTERLOT!” Jon exclaimed, surprising both Rarity and the ever growing crowd around them. “You want to take me all the way to Canterlot for a dinner!”
“Why yes of course, darling.” She said. “Is there something wrong with that?”
“Of course there is!” Jon roared. “Rarity I’m NOT going to Canterlot for dinner.” At first Rarity seemed confused but soon after a look of clarity found its way to her face.
“You know what? I see what you mean; the restaurants in Canterlot aren’t properly prepared to handle a pallet as sophisticated as yours.” She said, causing Jon to look upon her with various degrees of disbelief. “Yes, I do believe we need to find the a more suitable eatery for one as famous as you... I hear they just opened the most charming bistro over in the Crystal empire.”
While Canterlot was too far away this new idea of hers sounded like it was in an entire different world of it’s own.
“Okay this needs to stop!” Jon demanded as he got down on one knee and grabbed Rarity by her shoulders, forcing her to look him in the eyes. “Rarity... for the love of God... Listen. To. Me.”
As if this was some kind of live action soap opera the passing ponies stopped murmuring to each other and leaned in to see what would happen next. Rarity did the same but she didn’t lean in too close since Jon had already done that for her.
“I-is there something wrong, Jonathan.” She asked, her voice only slightly wavering.
“Yes! Yes there is!” Jon said, as he let go of Rarity and got some distance between them. “I mean I... I-I don't even know where to begin! Look, I know you're trying to be nice but the problem here is that... oh god.”
“Jonathan?” She asked a now terrified looking Jon Stewart. “A-are you alright?” For many watching it looked as if staring into Rarity’s eyes had caused him to become petrified with fear, like she was Medusa only with a better hairstyle. But in actuality Jon was absolutely terrified, but it didn’t have anything to do with Rarity, but rather what Jon saw behind her.
Even with Jon down on one knee he could see over the heads of the ponies surrounded him, and it was because of this height vantage that he saw a particular pony walking out of a local store and was now slowly, though tangentially making her way to Jon. A pony whose green body and mane was as recognizable as the cream colored pony she always hanged around with.
“Lyra!” Jon thought to himself as his body felt as if it would collapse at any moment. With all that he had been through he had forgotten that his apparent number one fan was still around and presumably still eager to meet him.
Jon knew that if he stayed here any longer Lyra would notice him and ram her way through the crowd of ponies to get to him like a bowling ball toppling a set of pins. Suddenly a trip to a new town didn’t seem like such a bad idea.
“Jonathan?” Rarity repeated at a now higher volume as she waved her hoof in his face. “Is something the matter? You were just about to tell me what was wrong?”
At this point Lyra still hadn’t noticed the towering human because she was moving parallel to him and was busily talking with her mate Bon-bon, but Jon knew that at any moment that could change.
“O-o-oh um, yes, yes there is a problem.” Jon finally worked up the nerve to say. “That is to say uh we... uh w-w-we... the problem is if we don’t leave now we’ll properly miss our reservations at the Rapid whatever it’s called!”
With one swing of his arm Jon effortlessly scooped Rarity up and under his arm like she was an oversized football, against the advice of his still aching back.
“But before we go let’s leave this general area!” He advised. “Come one; we’ll head back to your place!”
“My, my Jonathan!” Rarity exclaimed; the idea of her being literally swept off her feet by a celebrity was quite enchanting. “I never knew you were so forward.”
“Yeah that’s me alright!” Jon said as he dashed off in the opposite direction and around a nearby corner. “Now let’s get the hell out of here!”