Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle were unsure as to why Jon, the moment his phone starting ringing, had suddenly froze in the middle of the room. What was more confusing was the look of terror on his face like he was was in trouble... they weren’t too far off.
“Oh no,” Jon thought. “Who the hell is calling me?”
“Is something wrong Johnny?” Applebloom ask. “You look all weird.”
“Oh uh, we-- no it's uh, it’s... i-i-i-it's fine!” He assured her. “Probably just work calling me for some boring adult stuff.”
This was a lie. The phone that was currently crying out to Jon was his private line; no one from work (except Selina) knew this number. The only people who had knowledge of this line was, his family, close friends... and Celestia, who had enchanted his phone so it would get reception no matter where he was.
“Oh shit.” He thought. “Could... could it be.” Jon wasn’t entirely sure how he should be feeling at that moment. All he ever wanted was to get a chance to talk to Celestia and see what was going on with Trixie... but now that it was potentially happening he felt less than excited about the idea.
Did Celestia finally have time in her busy schedule to return one of Jon’s several messages? Did she have news about Trixie? Was it good or bad news? Did Derpy sell him out and now she knew about his sneaking into her world again and was upset? Or maybe it wasn’t her at all?
All these questions and more invaded Jon’s mind and refused to be silenced till Jon took the next logical step. Slowly he grabbed the phone from his breast pocket and raised it to his face like it was a particularly heavy dumbbell. When his eyes finally met with the screen he finally exhaled and fell back down to this seat as if he was a balloon and someone let out all his air.
“A 212 area code.” Jon thought. “It’s not her.”
Jon felt relieved and slightly disappointed at the same time. His heart was racing so instead of answering he took a moment to get ahold of himself.
“Hey Johnny!” Appleboom yelled while waving her hooves. “Are ya’ll sure you’re alright?” With a sigh he leaned forward.
“Yeah I’m alright I just uh.... I just need to take this call.” He said as he was moments away from sliding his finger across the screen. But just then a something grabbed his arm and yanked him down. It was Scootaloo trying to get his attention.
“OH, OH, OH, CAN I ANSWER IT!” She asked in an overly excited tone. To really show she was serious the young Pegasus yanked Jon so far down that he was now looking at her eye to eye, his shocked expression matched only by her desire to play with the strange human’s device.
Normally Jon would have said no, he did not like other people playing with this phone, but since this was not his business phone, and the fact that it was Manhattan, there was a good chance it was just someone from the Stewart Family home asking where he was. When he weighed the pros and cons he saw no harm with indulging her.
“...Sure.” He said as he gave the still ringing phone to Scootaloo.
“Awesome!” She roared as her two friends crowded around her to look at her new find, jumping at cheering at this opportunity.
“Okay, now listen very carefully, sport. When you answer the phone this is what you need to say,” He lectured, stopping briefly to make sure she was listening. “‘Hello, you have reached Jon Stewart’s private phone number. Who should I say is calling and how can I direct your call’... think you can do that?”
“Uh, yeah sure!” Scootaloo said.
“Are you positive?” Jon asked. “Remember it’s ‘Hello, you have reached Jon Stewart’s private phone number. Who should I say is calling and how can I direct your call’”
“Yeah, yeah I got it.” She assured him. “‘Hello, you’ve reached Jon Stewart’s phone.. Who are you and how can I dissect your call’... can I answer it now!?”
“Close enough.” He thought. With a nod of the head Jon gave her permission to proceed. Interestingly, instead of using her hoof to slide the lock off the phone to answer she instead used the top of her left wing while using her hooves to hold the phone in place. She then without hesitation held it to her ear and took a deep breath, fully ready to speak... only to remain silent. She forgot her lines.
“What’s up!” She yelled, causing Jon to bury his face in his hands while she continued to talk to whoever was on the other line. “Who me? My name is Scootaloo... yes it is... yes he is... I don’t know can you?... I don’t know... who are you!?...A likely story lady! How do I know if Jon even has a wife!?”
“Give me that!” Jon demanded as he swiped his phone back while the three troublemakers giggled to each other. “Oh, and if I were you I’d cross ‘secretary’ off your list of possible Cutie Marks.”
Curious as to what this call was about all three fillies gathered around Jon trying their best to hear what was being said, though much like before the conversation was completely one-sided.
“Hey babe don’t worry I’m here... no... no that was just uh... just a fan of mine... yeah, no I am... yeah... yeah I’m in Ponyville because of... well you know.” He said as the three girls tried to guess what she was saying. “Wait what... oh that... yeah it’s another one of the equipments I... no that does happen... I agree just call Selina and tell her to pick it up... exactly yes... okay... okay I will, I promise... okay... yes, I love you too babe, bye.”
After their short conversation ended Jon promptly holstered his device back over his heart whereupon he saw Applebloom and Sweetie Belle staring at him with glinted eyes.
“Awwwwwwwwwwwwww!” They both trilled.
“What?” Jon said.
“You said the ‘L’ word!” Sweetie Belle answered.
“I didn’t know you had your own very special somepony!” Applebloom added.
“Let’s get one thing straight here.” He said in a off tone. “Tracey ain’t no pony! She’s Catholic.”
Despite his jesting the two friends continued their affectionate cooing. Scootaloo by comparison was expressively indifferent towards the subject.
“So what did she want?” Scootaloo asked while trying to put a gap between her and her squawking friends.
“Oh nothing really, she just wanted to know where I was,” he answered. “And to tell me that she found one of my suitcases.”
“...Suitcases?” Scootaloo asked, as she and her friends moved in, their bodies fueled by curiosity. “What suitcases.”
“Oh it’s nothing special you see I... well not too long ago I did a special episode here in Equestria.” Jon explained. “I got to interview Princess Luna in front of the Castle.”
“Oh I remember that one!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed.
“Me too!” Scootaloo added. “It’s my favorite episode ever... well second next to Rainbow Dash’s of course.”
“Yeah well Celestia... wait... you girls watch my show?” He asked.
“Of course we do!” Applebloom proudly announced. “We always take time in between crusading to watch you on TV.”
This declaration was only slightly exaggerated. Applebloom wanted to assure Jon that they were loyal fans... in practice it just made him feel uncomfortable.
Jon’s opinions on censorship was always a wavering one. In his younger years he was always against it and when someone brought up that without it kids might see inappropriate content his response would be to point out that they would just see it anyway and if you deny it to them they’ll just want to see it more. When he was a kid his mother always told him to not look at those hidden magazines at the corner bodega but that only made him want to do it more.
His opinions on the subject leaned less liberal when he had his own kids however; both he and his wife made sure they didn’t watch his show. And while Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo weren’t his kids, he still felt awkward.
“By the way... we were watching an episode of yours the other day and you were talking about something we didn’t understand.” Applebloom said. “Remember girls?”
“Oh that’s right!” Scootaloo complied. “You were talking about something called... 'congress.'”
“Ah, I actually get this alot.” Jon admitted. One thing he learned about Pony audiences was that for the most part his base sense of humour was very easy to infer upon but a great deal of context was lost to them. For almost all of them when Jon made a joke about a certain person or body of government they understood the how portion of the joke but not the why.
“Yeah so can we ask you a question about that?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Sure. If there is anything you want to clarify for you let me know.” Jon offered, actually looking forward to sharing his knowledge of American politics to such young minds.
“Alright... well in your show you called congress a certain word.” Applebloom said. “And we didn’t know what it meant.”
“Oh no.” Jon thought, now thinking that maybe he might be way over his head.
“... What does ‘Procrasturbation’ mean?” She asked. Definitely way over head.
“OKAY! Uh... whew... alright uh well you see... um.” Jon stammered before clearing his throat and sitting straight up. “Ask your parents.”
“Ugh! That’s what everypony says!” A disappointed Scootaloo grumbled as she wiped her nose.
“Well I’m sorry but I just don’t feel like... I mean aren’t you girls a little too young to be watching my show?” He asked with a concerned look about him.
“Pfft you sound just like my sister.” Applebloom sneered. “She’s always telling me to not watch your show.”
“Mine too!” Sweetie Belle added. “Rarity says it’s a bad influence on me and it teaches young fillies how to use foul language.”
“...Well?” Jon asked. “Do you end up saying bad words?” There was a silence followed by a quick shifting eyes from the three friends.
“I don't know.” Appleboom answered.
“Uh, a-a-anyway!” Scootaloo injected, to try and change the subject. “About those suitcases!”
“Huh? Oh right! So anyway, after I finished interviewing Luna I was approached by Celestia backstage... she said that the show was such a monumental success that she wished to keep the portable Daily Show stage here as a keepsake... apparently it’s going to be put on display at the Canterlot Museum’s hall of fame or something.” He continued to explain. “Well all she needed from me was the stage and backdrop... everything else that we had brought, lights, cameras, sound equipment etcetera, we brought back but we didn’t take all of it at once.. so every now and again the Princess sends me some of my leftover gear... it’s a pain, but at least almost everything is accounted for.”
“Oh.” Scootaloo said, slightly disappointed by Jon’s lackluster explanation. “But then how do you do your show without all your gear?”
“No, no the stage we brought here was an easily portable one.” He answered. “It’s the same one we took to Washington and Florida and... it was a spare... a spare set so we could afford parting with it for so long.”
While Scootaloo and Applebloom wondered what Washington and Florida were, Sweetie Belle had a sudden moment of clarity so powerful that a tiny spark of magic ignited at the tip of her horn like a small firework.
“I GET IT NOW! I KNOW WHY YOU’RE HERE!” She announced surprising everyone in the room. “You’re here to interview my sister!”
This sudden accusation made Sweetie Belle’s two friends immediately look up at Jon who was sporting a similar look of uncertainty.
“Beg pardon?” Jon said.
“That’s why you’re here in Carousel Boutique! You’re ‘secret mission’ is to ask my sister to come on your show!” She explained, confident with her theory. “And that’s why you didn’t tell us because you wanted it to be a surprise!”
Before Jon could explain how her interpretations of Jon’s visit was misguided her two friends joined the fray, apparently sharing her assumptions.
“Of course! It all makes sense now! You’ve interviewed all our sister's except Sweetie Belle’s!” Scootaloo joined in. “You interviewed my sister; Rainbow Dash, and you’ve interviewed Applebloom’s sister, Applejack... now all you gotta do is interview Rarity!”
Hey yeah that's true!" Applebloom agreed. "Well except for the part about you and Rainbow Dash since you don't actually have a sis-”
Before she could finish her sentence Scootaloo quickly shoved her hoof into her mouth to prevent her from speaking, before looking back at Jon.
“Like I said... you’ve already interviewed our sisters, but not her’s.” Scootaloo added.
“That’s gotta be why you’re here! Right Johnny!?” Applebloom asked after breaking free. “You’re here to ask Rarity to come on your show.”
Jon hated to have to disappoint children.
“Look girls... I’m sorry to have to say this but... that’s actually not why I’m here.” Jon confessed, earning him a mixture of shocked and disheartened faces.
“W-w-what!?” Sweetie Belle exclaimed!
“Then why the heck are you even here!?” Scootaloo demanded to know.
“I’m here because...” Jon paused, he couldn't bring himself to actually go there at the moment. “Well like I said it’s top secret because--”
“Because you really are going to ask Rarity!” Sweetie Belle interrupted, convinced that there was still a chance. “But you just don’t want to tell us yet!”
“Geez you don’t give up do ya, hun?” Jon sighed. “Ok look I’ll tell you why I’m really here.”
The three friends suddenly stopped with either trying to converse with Jon or each other and immediately sat down to listen like it was story time at school.
“Alright listen... the reason I’m here is because... is because I’m trying to sneak into Canterlot Castle.” He confessed, much to the confusion of the three fillies.
“Uh Johnny?” Applebloom said. “You do know this aint the castle right?”
“Hey! I’m not senile yet!” He exclaimed. “I know this isn’t the castle I just... I just ducked in here for a bit as a slight detour.”
“Why... do you want to go to the castle?” Scootaloo asked.
“Okay that’s definitely top secret.” He continued. “But just know it has nothing to do with my show or Rarity.”
Upon hearing the revelation the entire room went quiet. After some quick exchanges one of the fillies finally spoke.
“So... you’re not here for my sister?” Sweetie Belle asked, her eyes looking like they were about to shed a tear.
“I’m afraid not.” Jon guiltily confirmed. Again silence, and again broken by Sweetie Belle.
“Well then... can you ask her anyway?” She said.
“Oh honey,” Jon grumbled “I’d love to but it’s just not in the schedule right now... besides I don’t think--”
“OH PLEASE, OH PLEASE, OH PLEASE, OH PLEASE!” She begged, jumping up and down like she was trying to kill a spider. “PLEASE HAVE MY SISTER ON YOUR SHOW! She’s real nice, and pretty, and smart, and kind, and, and, and I’m sure your audience will love her!”
“You can do it, right big guy!?” Scootaloo joined. “I know nothing will beat Rainbow Dash’s interview when it comes to coolness, but Rarity is an alright mare!”
“Yeah come on Johnny! Rarity’s real nice! She even helped make our capes! If you had her on your show, I’ll bet she’ll make some costumes for you too!” Applebloom added, trying to jump on his lap. “If you do we’ll make you an honorary member of the Cutie Mark Crusaders!”
“GIRLS PLEASE!” Jon said, loud enough so they could hear him. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do here, really I do... but the fact of the matter here is...”
Jon paused at the sight that was now before him. Like synchronized swimmers all three fillies lined in in a row and were now looking at Jon with large watery eyes and pouty lips. Jon knew this technique all too well for it was the same method used by his own children from time to time.
“Oh god the puppy eyes,” Jon thought. “Why did it have to be the puppy eyes.”
With almost a decade of living with their father both Maggie and Nathan latched on to the idea very early on that Jon had weakness for adorable children with begging faces... an idea they so thoroughly abused because it was true. Whenever they wanted anything they always went to their father rather than their mother (since Tracey McShane worked with animals she, over time, developed an immunity to puppy eyes from literal puppies).
Jon was determined to fight such steady streams of concentrated cuteness... maybe in another decade when his kids were all grown up would Jon finally learn to resist such things. But today was not that day.
“Look girls I... I mean you three are very... I’m sure Rarity is... look just because I.... I... come on girls give me ah...” Jon stammered, finding it hard to talk when he was looking at three pairs of eyes so big he could almost see his reflection. Scootaloo’s stuffy nose really helped in making her look extra pathetic.
Soon artificial tears began to form and their lips began to quiver, thus sealing the deal. It felt as if Jon's heart was about to break down the middle so without even thinking about it he said the first thing that came to mind that would make them stop.
“Okay fine!” He blurted as he threw his arms in the air before a rain cloud could materialize over their heads. “I’ll have Rarity on my show just please for the love of god stop looking at me like that!”
If Jon could go back in time and give himself some advice (Other than telling himself to get some more sleep the day BEFORE his wedding because, no matter how many ways you explain it, there’s no getting out of yawning during your father-in-law’s toast) it would be to have covered his ears at the exact moment he agreed to have Rarity on his show. The reason being because the cheering and cries of delight were so loud he felt as if he would need a hearing aid afterwards.
“You really mean it!” Sweetie Belle yelled over her still cheering friends. “You’ll really interview Rarity!”
“If it’s alright with her then yes,” Jon explained. “But on one condition!”
“Sure, anything!” Applebloom commented. “If you still want to be a member of our club that’s fine! Since you don’t have a Cutie Mark you technically qualify.”
“No not that, but thanks... remember how I said I wanted to sneak into the Castle?” He asked, getting some nods in return. “No you don’t.”
“Oooooooh sure thing Johnny!” Applebloom blurted. “You were never going to the Castle.”
With a slight raise of his eyebrow Jon gave her a look.
“Oh! I mean uh... what castle?” She added with a wink. Jon gave her an affirming nod which only served to confuse someone else.
“What do you mean ‘what castle?’” Scootaloo interjected. “The one that Jon tried to sneak his way into without the Princess-- OOF!”
Before she could finish both Sweetie Belle and Applebloom elbowed her in the stomach, causing Jon to chuckle to himself.
“Well then,” Jon sighed as the implications of his decision weighed in. “It looks like my plans have changed a bit... I’ll probably have to go home early now to get things set up... so... where is this Rarity anyway.”
Standing up now Jon looked in all direction as if he was trying to find her in all the mess.
“Oh she said she’ll be back soon.” Sweetie Belle answered. “She went to mail a package but she always gets distracted on the way back by potential clients.”
Jon continued to have a look at the store which was still in shambles from the Crusaders’ running about.
“If that’s the case shouldn't you clean this mess up?” He asked. “I can’t imagine your sister would like her shop being such a pigsty.”
“Oh yeah... that would be a good idea.” Applebloom commented as she followed Jon’s vision to across the room. “You wanna help us.”
Rather than saying yes or no Jon looked down at three fillies sporting their best youthful faces of innocents.
“If I say ‘no’ you guys will just do that begging thing again, won’t you?” He asked.
“Probably.” Applebloom responded with a smirk.
“Okay, fine.” Jon sighed as he moved across the room, with the fillies following close behind, to pick up a fallen closeline. “Let’s get started before you roll any more sevens.”
With smiles bolted by rivets of bliss, the three young fillies cheerfully helped Jon pick up the many fabrics littered across the floor. The four of them said nothing, leaving Jon alone with his thoughts actively trying to piece together in his head how things ended up like this. In the end he decided that this wasn’t such a bad twist of fate... he had to admit he was curious about this potential new guest of his. Though he still much rather be at the castle.
But while everyone continued their cleanup detail someone was slowly approaching the outside of the boutique. Someone who by all rights had no idea of what was going on within its walls.
The four of them barely got started when the sound of a door opening caused them to look up from what they were doing. It came from the other side of the building towards the entrance. What really cemented their now captured attention was the voice that followed with it.
“Oh Sweetie Belle,” An almost angelic voice echoed. “I’m back from the...AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH. WHAT IN THE NAME OF CELESTIA IS GOING ON HERE!?”
The voice in question went from heavenly to ghastly in a fraction of a second, almost as if the person had a stunt double for just such an occasion.
“The hell was that?” Jon asked.
“That...” Sweetie Belle gulped. “Would be my sister.”
With Jon and the three fillies clear across the room from where the entrance was they could not see who it was that had entered the facility. Though based on the voice and frantic rate of speech, those who had already met her knew it was Rarity.
Rather than coming out from hiding, the four intruders stayed back and waited as the voice got louder and louder. The three girls coward in front of Jon who stood tall, curious to see this pony who was getting closer.
“What happened to my boutique!? Why is my entire clothing line for the next season out of storage!? Oh for the love of-- this will take me forever to clean up!” The voice shrilled, her tone not angry, but rather a mixture of anxiety and panic. “Oh my goodness, I have a very important client coming over to take a look at my inventory and they’re all over the floor! AH! My favorite sewing machine it’s completely... did somepony wipe their nose on my new silk fabric!?”
All eyes, including Jon’s, went to Scootaloo.
“What!?” She sniffled. “I didn’t do it!”
“Who said that? Is somepony there?” The voice continued, now heading more towards their direction. “Sweetie Belle, I am in no mood for your little games! If I find out that you and your friends did this then I swear by my all that is fabulous I’ll--”
Even though the three fillies were in front of Jon, his towering figure meant that the eyes of the distressed pony went straight to him. Jon now found himself in a uncertain but very familiar situation.
There he stood across the way from a white unicorn with well maintained purple hair, staring at him with gapped mouth, though unlike with Lyra Jon didn’t feel the need to run and hide... unbeknownst to him however, in terms of gusto this new pony was just as eager to meet him. Though in this unexpected turn of events all she could do was stare, unable to move. The way her mouth tried to move made it look like she was talking but no words came out. Seeing that her sister was unable to speak Sweetie Belle decided to step forward with an introduction.
“Uh... Rarity?” Sweetie Belle said. “I would like you to meet my friend... this is Jo--”
“Jon Stewart.” Rarity interrupted. “You’re sixteen Emmy award winning, New York resident, published author, Jon Stewart.” Again there was now only silence.
Since it was clear that no four legged individual present in the room knew where to go from here, Jon took it upon himself to carry things home.
“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you Ms. Rarity.” He said while walking towards her. “Though I must say, you seem to have me at a disadvantage; you seem to know an awful lot about me but I barely know anything about you.”
For someone like Jon whose status in the world meant he’s attended many social gatherings, he knew when to spot someone of upper class backgrounds. Everything about Rarity screamed a socialite; the way she walked, the way she expressed herself, her mid-atlantic accent, even the dresses she had out in the open looked exactly the same as some of the ensembles he saw back when he took his wife on a dinner date at Canterlot.
There was no mistaking it, this pony was indeed an aristocrat. So in accordance with their social constructs Jon greeted her in a way most revered among their class; as gently as he could Jon lifted Rarity’s hoof and give it a quick peck as a show of respect.
“G....g-g-g-g...GIRLS, WHAT IS THE FAMOUS JON STEWART DOING IN MY HOUSE!?” Rarity roared, as if that innocent kiss was a flame sparking a fuse. Her voice carried so far that some ponies walking outside could hear her.
All three girls looked at each other quickly as if they were telepathically getting their stories straight.
“Oh uh, well,” Applebloom stammered. “You see Johnny here to uh... he’s--”
“He was just looking for somepony to be on his show!” Sweetie Belle interjected. “Uh... right girls?”
“Y-yeah that’s right! He’s definitely not here on some super secret mission to infiltrate the castle or anything like that.” Scootaloo said, punctuated her explanation with a wink to Jon causing him to stealthily use his hand to gesture her to stop talking, but Rarity didn’t notice. All she picked up was the fact that Jon was looking for a guest.
“He... he’s looking for someone to. Be. On. His. Show?” Rarity asked in an eerily placed tone, like someone had taken control of her mind.
“Well yeah,” Sweetie Belle answered. “But don’t worry sis cause he’s already--”
“OH MY GOODNESS IT’S ACTUALLY HAPPENING!” Rarity bellowed. Before Sweetie Belle could explain her now overly determined sister grabbed the three shocked fillies and forcibly began to push them towards the door.
“Okay girls playtime is over! I think it’s time you all skedaddled!” She encouraged as she rushed through the piles of clothings rather than walking around it, causing Opal, who was still in the room, to scurry off in protest. “Me and Mr. Stewart need to discuss... uh, grown up things! This is my big chance to go on television I won’t have you all ruin it!”
“But sis you don’t understand!” Sweetie Belle begged. “He’s already--”
“Yes, yes that’s all very lovely but I need to be alone with Mr. Stewart now.” She interrupted. “Why don’t you and your friends go outside and play tag or whatever it is you three do these days.”
“Uh well okay,” Sweetie Belle uttered, as she almost tripped over a display racking getting pushed to the door. “But I really think you shouldlistenwhenIsaythatyou--”
The sound of the door slamming shut ended Sweetie Belle’s frantic attempt of an explanation. Taking a deep breath Rarity turned around and looked as if she was about to say something, but as her mouth opened the door flew open again, followed by Applebloom sticking her head in.
“Bye, bye Johnny!” She waved. “Don’t be a stranger now!” Before Jon could return the gesture Rarity quickly turned around and slammed the door a second time, this time following up by locking it shut.
Jon wasn’t used to seeing such burst of energy coming from such a small person. Looking onwards he saw the once frantic unicorn standing on her hind legs with her front hooves pressed against the door, her back moving up and down, a sure sign that she was taking a moment to steady her breathing.
The room was now quiet with only the sound of wind occasionally slipping under the ajar window to fill the void. Jon was moments away from asking if she was alright but soon a new sound found it’s way into the void... it was the sound of Rarity taking a deep breath before turning around.
“Mr. Stewart, darling so good of you to pay me a visit!” She said, her voice flowing from her lips like honey with her tone just as sweet. “I must say it’s an absolute delight to finally make your acquaintance.”
“Uh... likewise.” Jon said, shocked at how her disposition did a complete 180.
“Though what a dreadful shame it is that you must endure seeing me in my present state!” She continued, as she placed her hoof across her forehead in a pose that suggested that she would faint at any moment. “I mean look at me, my hair is an absolute mess and I haven’t even gotten my hooves filed down today... not to mention my boutique lays in ruins! Oh! You must think I’m absolutely barbaric!”
Jon was tempted to remind her that the last time she met him he was laying face down in a pool of his own blood... a few degrees worse than messy hair but doing so would have made things even more awkward than they already were.
“No, no it’s fine!” Jon assured her. “I’ve seen worse... after all I did grow up in New Jersey.” Immediately Jon regretted using such a foreign joke on a native, luckily for him Rarity was in full suck up mode.
In response to his predictable joke she immediately burst out laughing, almost as if she saw it coming and was waiting for her cue to respond.
“Oh Mr. Stewart you do go on! I can see why they gave such a handsome man such as yourself your own show!” She complimented. “I see even when off camera you’re still as comical as ever! Good heavens, just listen to me me rambling on! Please, please have a seat.”
“No, no that’s alright I’ll stand.” He rebutted, as he looked around at that ever present mess. “Uh listen before we go any further I just want you to know--”
“Would you like something to drink!” Rarity offered as she rushed over to him so quickly, he barely noticed her. “Perhaps a cup of tea with a danish? I just acquired a heavenly new blend of lemon flavored herbal tea and some pastries that are to die for.”
“No that’s alright I’m trying to watch my figure.” He joked as he patted his stomach.
“Oh nonsense Jonathan you-- Can I call you Jonathan?” She asked before immediately continuing. “You simply must eat something, I insist! You’re all skin and bones, darling!
Back home Jon knew a guy who lived on the upper west side. His name was Frank Henderson and he knew him through mutual friends and on occasion would run into him and his wife during some charity meetings or some such events. Jon was reminded of him because Rarity reminded him a lot of Henderson’s wife in that she too spoke similarly in tongue and had an almost identical forceful personality. The only difference here being that Rarity was the same color as a marshmallow whereas Mrs. Henderson was in the shape of one.
“Uh, thanks I suppose.” Jon cleared his throat as he sat back down. The second his butt made contact with his previously used seat Rarity dashed off to a nearby kitchen where the sound of pots and pans being thrown about caught his attention. In response to this he called out to her. “But seriously you don’t need to!”
“Oh pish posh Jonathan, it is only appropriate.” She answered back even louder. “You are my guest and it is my duty-- NAY! My responsponsibility to see you as comfortable as possible.”
“She’s some piece of work.” Jon thought as he rubbed the back of his head before calling back out to her. “Uh, Mis Rarity, this is all very nice, but I think it’d be pertinent of me to explain why I’m here.”
“Oh, I know exactly why you’re here,” She said poking her head from the kitchen, her eyes gleaming
“...You do?” Jon challenged with furrowed brow.
“Oh but of course darling!” She said as she went back to prepare his snack. “I happen to know from dear friends of mine that you sometimes come to our world to looking for potential guests... I’m not sure how many of ponies you’re currently considering, but let me just say your search is over, dear!”
“Uh, Ms. Rarity I don’t think you understand.” Jon called out. “I’ve already--”
“Oh please Johnathan just call me Rarity!” She called back “And don’t worry I understand perfectly. Like I said I know what’s going on... you’re here to evaluate me... to see if I’m important enough for your program!”
Before Jon could correct her she emerged from the kitchen while simultaneously holding a tray of sweets and beverages.
“I can see it now! The illustrious Jonathan Stewart scouting the four corners of Equestria in desperate search for a pony, a pony worthy enough to grace his show for all the world to see!” She said, delivering each line with a dramatic voice. “Well Mr. Stewart look no further... for I, Rarity, am that pony!”
Jon recalled the Cutie Mark on her flank and tried to make the connection between diamonds and overreacting.
“Uh, Rarity?” Jon said.
“Now then darling, let’s get things started shall we,” She said using her magic to levitate a cup of hot tea to his hand. “Now of course you may ask me anything you’d like, but do err on the side of civility, we just met and we wouldn’t want every single last single detail about myself being revealed now would we?.”
“Uh... Rarity?” Jon repeated.
“No, no you’re right it’s your program so it’s your rules!” She now insisted. “Feel free to ask any question your hearts desire! Please I insist, I am your open book!”
“Uh... Alright then,” Jon warned as he examined his cup of tea. “Uh... first question I uh, I guess... how did you make this tea so quickly? You couldn’t’ve been in that pantry for more than a couple of minutes.”
“Oh... that? Why, no mystery there Jonathan,” She answered by tapping her horn. Carefully she tilted her head and used her magic to make his tea bubble with heat friction. “Just some old fashioned Unicorn magic... really comes in handy for us seamstresses. Just one of many reasons why you should let me appear on your program.”
“Ah yes indeed. But you do know this is completely unnecessary, right?” He asked.
“OH! Of course what was I thinking!?” She announced, but not before using her magic to yank Jon’s beverage out of his hand a split second before he was about to take a sip. “You obviously didn’t come here to see some cheap parlor trick. “I’m certain a gentleman of your caliber has already seen his fair share of magic... so allow me to demonstrate what makes Rarity a very important pony.”
Using her magic once again the insistent Unicorn made a nearby measuring tape float in mid air, causing it to twist and turn as if she had given it life. Slowly she walked over to Jon with determined eyes and the measuring tape slithering towards him like a hungry snake.
“Rarity.” Jon murmured with uncertainty. “What are you doing?”
“Do not worry Jonathan, I just merely want to take your measurements.” She explaining, stopping in her tracks and waving him to come to her. “Once I have that I’ll get to work right away with making you a new suit to replace that drab one you’re currently wearing which I can only assume you wore ironically for comedic effect, yes?”
“Oh uh... yeah... yeah sure.” Jon lied, that was his favorite suit. “Listen though, you don’t need to do this I mean... I mean don’t waste your time on me you-- didn’t you say you had a client coming over... wouldn't look good if he saw this mess would it? If you want I can help--”
“What, this?” Rarity asked, motioning to a large pile of clothes, both hung and on the ground. “Oh that’s nothing darling, please ignore it.”
Using her Magic the purple haired unicorn bulldozed a large section of the clothes off to the side into a pile of dresses and work related gear, making a clear path from Jon to a standing mirror. In practice doing more damage and causing more of a mess than Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo combined.
“Now then... do be a dear and come over here.” She continued. Tentatively Jon walked up to the five set mirrors aligned so that whoever looked at it would see him from several different angles. “Now then... hold still.”
Using her magic she made the tape lunge at Jon only to redirect and align itself against his arm, around his waist, and across his chest. While this was happening Rarity took extensive notes, recording corresponding numbers.
“Let’s see... shoulders; check, arms; check, torso; check.” She listed in detail. “Alright we’re just about done, here. Do me a favor Jonathan; bend over.”
“Wait Rarity I don’t think I-- Argh!” Jon yelped. Even though she technically asked, she used her magic to force Jon to lean forward in such a way that it would be easier to measure his legs.
“Ah! I see you fancy the boot cut on your slacks.” Rarity noticed. “Very elegant, if I do say so myself.”
Now finished with her measurements, Rarity released Jon from his magical restraints so suddenly that he almost fell forwards. When he hoisted himself back up, he was greeted with the sound of machines being used, he turned around to notice that his Unicorn friend wasted no time in getting to work on his new suit.
“Do not worry Jonathan, I’ll have your new attire ready in no time!” She assured him as she used both her magic and front hooves to work machine and select fabrics. Jon wasn’t too knowledgeable on how a fashionista works so for their safety he decided to leave her alone less he distract her and cause anyone an unwanted injury.
So for a while Jon just sat on a nearby table and enjoyed his tea while Rarity worked at break neck speed making Jon feel lazy by comparison. After a while Jon felt like even more of a burden, so to feel more useful Jon picked up a nearby clothes rack and wiped any debris off of it. It was only when he did a third time did he see some other pony standing outside of Rarity’s building, peeking through the window and knocking on the door, like a dog wanting to be let back into the house.
He seemed to have been someone of grave importance based on how he looked. He was a slightly balding unicorn with a sweater vest, pencil balanced on his ear, and a similar measuring tape as Rarity’s draped around his neck. He was slightly older and looked like a pony version of Tim Gunn which to Jon meant that he might have the appointment that Rarity was talking about.
“Uh... Rarity?” Jon said as the knocking continued. “I think your appointment is already h--”
“GO AWAY!” Rarity yelled at the pony outside. “I’M BUSY!” And with that the terrified pony scampered off.
“Rarity seriously I don’t want to be a burden here,” Jon said, turning around. “If you have other engagements I can just come back lat--”
“DONE!” She exclaimed.
“E-excuse me?” He said.
“I hereby pronounce your new suit complete!” She went on, using her magic to levitate a jet black suit with light grey stripes going up and down the body and appendages. This was Rarity’s first time making anything for a human which is particularly impressive considering how well it looked. It’s proportions were identical to Jon’s and was complete with a sports jacket, slacks, and even a vest.
Jon was stunned to see that it was done already. He took his eyes off her for what seems like a few seconds and already she was done. Fueled by astonishment Jon walked towards his generous gift and began to run his palm against the fabric... not only was it the best looking suit he’d ever seen it was also the best feeling one as well.
“Incredible.” Jon commented. “I’ve never seen such elegant craftsmanship before... and it took you what? five minutes?”
“Six actually. I was taking my time.” She said. “Now then let’s see how it looks on you!” Her horn began to glow as it slowly worked the buttons on Jon’s jacket, eventually levitating it above his head. At first Jon didn’t know what was going on but now he could see clearly that Rarity aimed to undress him and replace his garbs with the newer one.
“Wha-- hey now, stop that!” He shouted, forgetting about how, in Equestria, there wasn’t really such a thing as being exposed. “I realize you want to see how it fits but come on! This is hardly the place!”
“Oh my word, you’re right!” She agreed, as she used her magic to neatly fold Jon’s new suit in a nearby box. “How foolish of me... if we're going to do this we shall do it right! Come Jonathan let us leave this place!”
“I-- wait what!?” Jon asked as she pushed Jon towards the exit in the same manner that she did with her sister. “Wait! What’s going on here!?”
“Why I’m going to treat you to a night on the town!” She revealed. “Let’s show Ponyville what real socialites can do!”
"Wait Rarity please you don't have to do this on my account!" Jon urged. "I mean that suit just in itself was--"
“Wasn’t enough? Yes I agree.” Rarity interrupted. “But don’t you worry! Because I declare that by the end of this day I’ll have convinced you beyond reasonable doubt that I Rarity should have a slot as a guest on your show... watch your head.” Looking forward Jon saw the door to the outside world, closing in fast. Using her magic Rarity made the front door swing open as Jon ducked to avoid get hit.
When the door itself flew open it made an odd crashing sound like it terminated on something soft. When he turned to investigate what it was it soon found that the fashion pony, that was trying to desperately before to get in, had camped out of the boutique for a chance to speak with Rarity. He had, however, foolishly placed himself on the left side of the door meaning that when the door opened he was on its receiving end.
When Rarity closed the door Jon saw a good look at him; he looked to be in great pain as he slid down onto the floor like a pancake being scooted off a frying pan. Jon didn’t even have time to ask if he was okay since Rarity was already using her magic to push him down the street further and further.
“Wait Rarity I-- you don’t... I mean could you at least tell me where we’re going!?” He begged.
“Why of course darling! Before we head out we need clean ourselves up first.” She explained, as she hurried Jon around a nearby corner. “We’re going to the Spa! My treat! But while we go there allow me to explain to you why you should have me on your show.... ahem, now then...”
“Oh boy.” Jon thought. “What... have I gotten myself into?”