//------------------------------// // Episode 14 [Queen Chrysalis]: Three's a crowd // Story: The Daily Show presents: Equestrian Interviews // by Daily Show Ponies //------------------------------// Comedy Central had learned long ago that, individually, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert were great at what they did. This is why they got their own shows; the Daily Show and the Colbert Report respectively. Another thing they learned was, when the two got together, they were a lethal combination; a true force to be reckoned with. They placed them together for special events and (before the days of the Equestrian Interviews) would have one visit the other on the show whenever ratings were down. Back then, the most popular episodes were the ones that had them together in the same room. One famous example of their explosive chemistry was when Jon decided to have his “Rally to restore Sanity” and later the decision was made to have Stephen have his own event called the “Rally to keep fear alive,” then combine them together. Having them work together was the studio’s ace in the hole. A last resort if all else failed...this was also one of those times. "Oh my God!" Jon said still in his overly dramatic voice and facing the camera. "Stephen Colbert, what are you doing here and why do you have...a giant mustache?" "Yes. What...am...I doing here?" Stephen said as he twirled his comically over sized mustache and raised an eyebrow ever so slightly. "Oh well I uh...I'm, I'm actually not entirely--"Jon stammered before cutting himself off. "Actually I'm more concerned with the evil mustache you seem to--" "I'll tell you what I'm doing here!" He interrupted. "I'm here to take what's mine." Everything about this man just perplexed Chrysalis. Who he was, why he was here, and most of all why his appearance seemed to have garnished more attention than her own. She hadn't yet put two and two together that Stephen’s being here had caused the flow of love to stop. For her, the notion that some mere human was yielding more attention than her was impossible. Her confusion would have been very noticeable on TV were it not for the fact that every camera was now either on Stephen or in an angle where only he could be seen behind Jon. Only a very select few cameramen had any prior knowledge of his appearance but everyone present had worked in the entertainment industry long enough to know what, when Stephen Colbert walks into a room, all eyes are on him. "Stephen, what are you talking about?" Jon asked with his back still to his friend. "Yes. What...am...I talking about?" He responded. "Right?" Jon said in confusion. "Also, why are you talking like tha--" "I'll tell you what I'm talking about!" He interrupted again. "You have something...that I want!" After he was done talking he paused for dramatic effect, which gave the guest of the night an opening. "Excuse me?" Chrysalis called out from off screen. "What's going on here?" "I assure you I...I have no idea what you're talking about." Jon said, ignoring his guest. "Oh I think you do." Stephen said. "I think...you...do." "Stephen!" Jon said. "I'm telling you I don't know what you're--" "I am not Stephen Colbert!" Stephen Colbert said. "Then...uh, who are you?" Jon asked. "Yes. Who...am...I?" He responded. "Okay that's...seriously, you need to stop doing that!" Jon demanded. "If you must know I am his evil twin brother...Stefan Kelbert!" He answered. "And for too long now have you pranced about with these...creatures!" Pointing ahead of him a camera panned out to get the two of them and Chrysalis. "Ah yes that's better." She said. "Now then about my--" "What's your point...Ste...Stefan?" Jon asked. "My point is...you sicken me!" He said bluntly. "Trying to compete with my brother and his show is one thing but when you take away ratings that could otherwise go to him...that shit's personal!" "I'm still not entirely sure why you're here." Jon said, looking worried. "I'm here because I want in on this!" He said. "You will give the secrets to these ponies to my handsome brother and he will use them on his show!" "I'm sorry...Mr. Kelbert but I just can't give my ponies to a man I've apparently never met before." He explained At this point Chrysalis was understandably worried about the fact that she wasn't getting any power. Her better judgment was clouded by everything that was going on. Lacking any knowledge of who this man was and his relationship to Jon she was left feeling extremely confused. To her it almost looked as if these two men were fighting over her. Like a child she called out for attention but all eyes were still on Stephen. "Well if you can't give them to me...then perhaps you'll give them to someone else!" Stephen said. "Someone else?" Jon asked. "Like who, mysterious stranger." "Someone...like ME!" He roared as he tore of his mustache off. The camera that was closest to him zoomed in on his face causing the audience to once again cheer and applaud. "Oh my god...again!" Jon said. "Stefan Kelbert was Stephen Colbert the entire time!" "That's Reverend Sir Doctor Sen. Stephen T. Mos Def Colbert, D.F.A, Heavyweight Champion of the World to you, Jon!" Stephen said with a crazed look in his eye and without faltering, causing the audience to cheer. "And I'm still here to take what I deserve! Come on Jon...give me your ponies...you know you want to!" "Stephen, I'm sorry, but I’m going to have to say ‘no.’" Jon said. "You can't just barge in here unannounced and take whatever you want." "Yes I can!" He answered back. "Because I'm an American!" While the crowd cheered for Stephen's love of all things baseball and apple pie, Chrysalis was trying to get their attention. "Hey, what's going on here?" She asked. When no one paid any attention to her, she began to get frustrated. "Hey cameraman! Am I even in the shot?" No one answered any of her questions. "Why do you even want to interview these things anyway?" Stephen asked. "For god’s sake, they're just a bunch of little ponies!" "They’re not just a bunch of little ponies...they're my little ponies!" Jon exclaimed causing the audience to cheer with excitement. "And my answer is still the same...you can't have them." "I see...well in that case...I'm afraid I, Stephen Colbert...will have to take them from you by force." He said. "Oh well you put it that way," Jon said, as he slowly slid his hand under his desk. "Then I guess...we'll...just...have to...FIGHT!" With a graceful leap, one would expect from a man Jon's age, he quickly turned around and faced Stephen with a toy replica of a lightsaber. He slightly fumbled getting it to work but eventually he managed to fully extend the toy sword whereupon he walked backwards to round his desk while the crowd cheered him on and took photos. Not to be outdone by his slightly older mentor, Stephen adjusted his glasses, took a heroic stance, and violently trusted his left arm outward with his fingers outstretched like he was summoning something. When nothing happened for a few seconds a hefty intern jogged up behind him brandishing what looked like a giant hammer. When he got closer to Stephen the camera zoomed out more to get a good view of both of them revealing that the intern had a replica of Mjölnir, Thor's hammer. He placed the weapon in Stephen's hand but he refused to grasp it, forcing the intern to manually close his fingers for him. He was now holding the Scandinavian weapon in his hand, but he still refused to move from his battle stance. That is until the intern produced a barber's brush and wiped away any debris from Stephen's shoulders. After giving the intern a three dollar tip for his services, Stephen calmly walked down from his corner of the set and took his position directly across from Jon with only the Daily Show desk separating them. The camera was positioned to show the two TV legends glaring at each other with Chrysalis still in her seat, looking very much confused and trying to make sense of what was going on. But at the same time there was also something going on behind the scenes. An important fourth party had just finished taking care of her own agenda. Unbeknownst to the three on stage, Trixie had just gathered the necessary amount of magic needed to activate her trap. Carefully but quickly she placed the large amount of energy onto her side of the transfer circle. She had left herself only a small amount of magic, because giving away too much would cause her to faint like an individual who had donated too much of their own blood. The hexagon was now transferring the magic over to the one under the stage like a cellphone being charged. All that was needed was for Jon and Stephen to distract everyone for the next couple of minutes while the spell slowly took effect, which they were now in the process of doing. Like children in a playground the two friends began to slap fight each other with their memorabilia items on stage for the world to see, acting in forced antipathy. Jon held his lightsaber with both hands and swung wildly like Jackson Pollock on a caffeine drip while Stephen just looked like he was playing a particularly aggressive game of 'Whack-a-mole.' The fight went on with no one getting the upper hand; the plan wasn't to have a brilliantly choreographed fight scene or to show any indication of skill. Their main goal was to look as foolish and uncoordinated as humanly possible and they did so most adequately. The sight of two grown men fighting with toys was enough to send the crowd into an uncontrollable state of frantic cheering. And as before even though Chrysalis was in plain view, no love was coming her way, but instead to the two comedians, with a large percentage of it going to Stephen himself. While this was happening, the circle of magic which was underneath the set was growing in power. At this point it was at about 32% complete with Chrysalis none the wiser. For the sake of the audience who were watching at home, the camera changed gears to get a sweeping shot of the audience. This was done to show their reactions but also to give Jon and Stephen time to prepare for their next session. Chrysalis was dumbfounded to see two immediately drop their weapons and scramble to get things ready for another skit. When the camera returned Jon and Stephen were still in front of the desk, but while the camera was away from them an intern came on stage and placed a small terrier in between them. The audience watched while the two tried to coax the small dog to them by increasingly ridiculous methods. "Come here boy!" Jon yelled as he held up an squeaky toy. "I got a nice toy for ya!" "No come over here!" Stephen challenged as he held up a picture of Ronald Reagan's face in one hand and a document in the other. "Come to me and you'll be granted a tax exemption of up to 15% as long as you make a net worth of $1500 per month!” The white and brown dog was trained to not leave its spot no matter what so it just endlessly looked to back and forth in confusion as the two the continued to try and win by gaining its attention. "Look what I got, Fido!" Jon said, escalated the arms race by holding up an enticing uncooked steak. "There's more where that came from over here!" "Hey! Remember when you got fixed!?" Stephen asked as he produced a zip-lock bag which contained something that had the look and texture of raw meat. "You can have em back...all you need to do is come to me!" The two of them weren't the only one's making a commotion on live TV. In the heat of the moment Queen Chrysalis was starting to feel the effects of not being noticed, still unaware of the impending trap which was now at 63% completion. "Hey! S-stop this!" She yelled. "Stop whatever it is you're doing! This is supposed to my interview!" She screamed for attention but couldn't be heard over the performance of Jon and Stephen, as well as the yelling of the audience. Things only got more one-sided when again, the camera switched from the stage to the audience again for another reaction shot. Like before, this was done to give the two on stage time to prepare for their next bit. Chrysalis watched as the two immediately took opposing seats on the desk. Jon had pulled out something from under his seat that she'd never seen before and the two continued their fighting. When the camera returned to the set the audience now saw the the two comedians with already setup "Battleship stations" in front of them. Their war was not over yet, at least not until the spell was complete; which, at the moment, was at only 78%. "E3!?" Jon yelled. "Miss!" Stephen responded. "G7!?" "Miss!" Jon answered as he put the corresponding indicator on his side. "A2!?" "Miss!" Stephen said. "L10!?" "SON OF A BITCH! HIT!" Jon yelled while making a face like he was trying not to laugh. Before speaking he took a second to think about his next move. "D5!?" "Nooooooo!" Stephen yelled. "You sunk my battleship!" In anger he swung his arms across the table sending children's toy tumbling to the ground surprising everyone who saw. Still brimming with conservative rage Stephen grabbed a hold of Jon's hand forcing him into a battle of thumb wars while Chrysalis looked on, trying not to break character. Unknown to everyone including Jon, the spell was almost complete. While the two friends aggressively fought to get the upper thumb, and pin their opponent for three seconds, the spell had just cross the threshold of being 90% complete. This time instead of having a wide angle shot of the entire set the camera had zoomed in on Jon and Stephen. Lost in the chaos that was their performance the cameramen had all but forgotten about Queen Chrysalis in the corner who was still desperately trying to bring the attention to her. She screamed and hollered at anyone nearby in the vain hope that she would be noticed again. When it was clear that the two comedians in front of her were what the audience wanted and not her, she began to get angry. She tried her hardest not to explode with rage since doing so would be very out of character for Lyra, but when she looked over to see the screen on the side edge of the set (which had a live feed of what audiences were looking at) she noticed that she wasn't even visible anymore. This was what tilted her over the edge. "ENOUGH OF THIS!" She ordered as she jumped in front of the desk to get in the view of the camera. Using her magic, she managed to amplify her voice so that it would carry over everyone else's. Her voice was so loud and the audio feedback from her mic so pain shriekingly sharp that everyone silenced themselves. As she wished, all eyes were back on her, but the amount love coming her way was still ever tardy. She looked to be somewhat out of breath, mostly due from all the shouting she was doing beforehand. Her angry eyes looked around the room just to make sure that she was once again the center of attention. "I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON HERE, BUT DAMMIT, THIS IS MY TIME AND I WILL NOT BE OVERSHADOWED BY A HUMAN!" She roared. Taking another breath, she slowly made her way back to her seat and sat down while a scared cameraman followed her movement. "Now then...my interview will continue normally, the new human will leave, and all of you will give me the attention that I deserve…OR ELSE!" To demonstrate, as well and intimidate, she slammed her hoof against the ground causing a slight tremor to shake the building. This was done by her sending a shock-wave of magic down into the ground to replicate an earthquake. After her rant came to an end, the entire set went silent. The audience was left more confused than Chrysalis herself had been, and those who weren’t looked scared. They wondered if this was all part of the interview segment or perhaps some form on unscripted crisis. Much like the audience themselves Jon and Stephen were left scared and confused, respectively. Stephen wondered what exactly was going to happen while Jon was scared by the fact that Chrysalis was still present. He quickly looked down at his clock then back up at his guest. "Something is wrong." Jon thought to himself. "Why is she still here?" Chrysalis' presence only made him more anxious when he realized that she should have been teleported nearly a full minute ago. What he didn't know however was that backstage Trixie had miscalculated the amount of magic needed to get the spell operational. This oversight had made it so that spell was now stuck at 90% It was as she feared from the start; Trixie blundered yet another simple spell. "Hey, Jon?" Stephen whispered. "When is this spell of yours supposed to kick in?" "It should've already happened." Jon answered. "I...I don't know what went wrong?" "HEY!" Chrysalis yelled from across the room at Jon. "Stop your whispering and get over here! Tell your friend to leave now!" "Dammit...we need more time." Jon said. Accepting that the plan might have failed, Jon slowly inched his way forward in accordance with Chrysalis' orders. But before he could get any closer Stephen placed a firm hand on his shoulder and yanked him back. "Don't worry Jon." He said as he adjusted his tie. "I got this." Rather than following orders, Stephen stepped up and began a confident stroll up to the dangerous pony who was glaring at him so hard that Jon could feel it. The audience said nothing as did Jon, they both eagerly awaited to see what he would do. Were it not for the fact that she was still on live television Chrysalis would have used her magic to cause him bodily harm. But since she didn't want to give herself away she instead just waited to see if he'd leave. He didn't. "Lyra right?" He said. Without asking he grabbed her hoof and shook it a couple of times before she jerked it back. "Nice to meet ya kid...didn’t mean to cause any harm." With eyes that looked like they could kill she glared at Stephen while he took out a small bottle of hand sanitizer and rubbed it on his hands. "Apologize." She demanded. "I want to hear you apologize to me for interrupting my interview." "Very well. I apologize that I’m so much more interesting. There." He said. "Excuse me!" She said in shock. Turning on his heels Stephen walked forward to face the camera while simultaneously pointing to Jon. "Oh and Jon! I take back what I said about wanting your ponies…you can have em'!" He said. "Because I have something even better! Something that you will never have!" Unsure of where he was going with this, Jon looked over and his guest who looked like she was about to erupt with rage, then back at Stephen. "And...what would that be?" He asked. "That would be the millions people in the world who are proud members of the Colbert nation!" He answered as he pointed at the audience with two hands. "WHOOOOOOO!" It was at that moment, more than at any point during the program, did Jon seriously feel as if someone was trying to take over his show. The audience took Stephen's bait and, just as he planned, began to pay tribute to their beloved TV host. "STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!" The crowd jumped to their feet and against the wishes of the guest began to do their trademark chants. "STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!" "STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!" "STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!" Jon listened to the crowd getting louder and faster with their chanting hoping that this would be the push in time needed to get the spell working again. What he didn't know was Trixie had found a solution to the problem of the spell being null in void. "STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!" As the chanting continued the spell began to slowly grow as the magic climbed in tiny increments. It was now at 91%. "STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!" "STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!" 92% Up until now, Chrysalis had to endure finding a way to get to the human world, trick both Celestia and Jon to get on the show, and put up with the wacky antics of the comedy duo on stage, but she took it all calmly and methodically. But this, this was too much for her. "STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!" 93% "STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!" To have someone else steal the spotlight on her time was frustrating enough for Chrysalis, but now they were chanting his name during her interview segment. She could take it no longer. 94% "STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!" "STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!" "STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!" "SHUT UP!" She demanded. "I ORDER YOU TO STOP THIS IMMEDIATELY!!!" "STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!" "YOU IDIOTS ARE PRAISING A MERE HUMAN!" She continued. "DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND!? I'M WHAT YOU WANT!" "STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!" 95% "STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!" The crowd was so loud that Stephen couldn't hear the sound of Chrysalis yelling at them even though she was only a couple feet away. The chanting got faster and faster making it increasingly harder for anyone to hear anything. "STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!" "STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!" "STOP IT!" Chrysalis said as she jumped up and down in her seat, "STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!" "STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!" 96% "STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!" For Chrysalis having to hear this was like hearing one’s own birthday party start without you. All the love and attention she planned to obtain was now being given to someone else. And to add insult to injury it was to a human. Despite her best efforts to stay calm petty jealousy took control of her and she soon found herself aiming her horn at Stephen's back. "STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!" "STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!" 97% "STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!" "THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE!!!" Chrysalis yelled. "STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!" "Come on Trixie you can do it." Jon thought to himself. "Come one...come one..." He was still on the sidelines anxious about what would happen; he felt like his feet were encased in cement and his face gave the impression that he had lost control of everything. Till now he was perfectly content with letting Stephen stand on the edge of the set and address the audience like a music composer. But then he noticed Chrysalis was now charging her horn with magic. "Oh no." He thought. "What is she doing?" But of course he knew exactly what she was doing, the look in her eyes told it all. There was some issue on what exactly she going to cast with her horn but one thing that Jon knew for certain was it was aimed squarely at Stephen and that it was meant to deal massive damage. "STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!" 98% "Stop it." Chrysalis said once more her voice low since she was now concentrating on gather a large amount of magic. And of course the crowds cheering was so great Stephens still couldn't hear anything. "STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!" Jon didn't remember ever leaving his present location or even thinking about what he was about to do. It was as if his brain was being sped up so much that he couldn't tell that his body was now acting on its own. "STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!" All remembered was thinking that his first priority had not changed. It was to get Chrysalis out of here before she had the chance of hurting any of his friends, which he vowed to do no matter what. "STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!" 99% "I. Said." Chrysalis muttered to herself. "STOOOOOOOOOOO--" "STEPHEN WATCH OUT!" Jon yelled. With all his strength Jon bolted himself over the side of his desk and tackled Chrysalis with all his weight before she could cast her magic. His plan worked but only just barely. In the long run all he really did was change the trajectory of her projective by a few feet. With Stephen pandering to the audience he almost missed seeing a burst of light coming from the corner of his eye. But more than anything he could feel a great heat from behind him. It was as if a giant ball of fire flew across the room and into the sky. He was wearing a three piece suit and he could still feel a sweltering heat against his back. For the first time since the chanting, Chrysalis finally got the audience’s attention in the form of a huge burst of magic colliding with the ceiling where it completely obliterated some equipment. The room was now quiet but this only lasted a few seconds for soon those watching from the rafters were now squirming in their seats and whispering amongst themselves. Stephen turned to see where the magic had terminated and was in shock to see that a large chunk of the building was now gone, leaving a perfectly round indication. He turned to his other side where the magic originated from expecting to see his friend or at the very least a very angry Chrysalis. None were present. Both he and the audience looked onward in awe at the spot where the host and guest were. Not only were they gone but a there was a circular scorch mark on the floor. It took Stephen only a second to put two and two together and, without a word, he sprang into action. "Someone cut the feed!" He yelled as she rushed to the backstage. "You! Hurry up and put out a press release! And you! Get the interns all together to answer the phones. If anyone asks we're just going through some 'technical difficulties.'" Selina was just outside the backstage entrance and, although it would ordinarily fall on her to coordinate things while her boss was away, she let Stephen walk by her and take control while she just stood in horror. Her gaze was locked on the guest's chair where Chrysalis was sitting. She could hardly believe what she saw, in the blink of an eyes both Chrysalis and Jon got teleported away. The plan had worked...but it took Jon with it. She stood there paralyzed for a moment unable to think straight. Soon the sound of Stephen barking out order snapped her out of her stupor. "HEY! Someone hurry up and answer that! We still have the rest of the show to fill up!" He yelled. Turning around he grabbed Selina by the shoulders and made it so she could see him. "Selina! Where do we keep the backup entries!?" "Oh uh...it's...it's in the storage room." She answered. "Hey! Someone tell the boys in the back to play one of the backup logs!" He said. "I don't care which just do it! We still have a show to put on!" Rumors and speculations had already begun to spread through the crowd. They were unsure of how to feel about anything that was going. But nevertheless they stayed and waited to see what would happen next while the back was in a frantic scramble to salvage the show. Selina admired their resolve, but at the same time she felt like she was the only one who cared that Jon had been taken away. To help, she quickly rushed behind the stage and yelled as loudly as she could to get the attention of the one who made all this possible. "Trixie! Trixie we have a problem! You're spell worked but you accidentally took Jon too!" Selina said. "We need you to bring him back! He's in serious danger right now!" When no one responded, she figured it was because she was tired from having pulled of a massive spell that was too much for her. So to help meet her halfway, she began to make her way to the center of the stage behind the backdrop, ducking under hazardous wires and stepping over planks of wood. "Trixie are you awake!" She asked. "We need you to bring Jon back...Trixie? Trixie can you hear me." Eventually Selina made it to where Trixie was. She stopped and quickly did a double take. She couldn't believe what she saw, or rather what she didn't see...her costume was there as was her book of spells, but Trixie herself was nowhere to be seen. Concerned, she searched the area on the off chance that she had wandered off, but upon further investigation, she saw something that chilled her to her very core. "Oh no." She said as she knelt down. With her eyes now adjusted to the darkness, she could now see that over the hexagon was the same scorch mark that was left on the main stage. She was gone too.