The excitement of the restaurant could still be heard as Jon rounded the Celestia statue to rejoin his wife at the special booth. He quickly slid himself back into his seat and was immediately greeted by his wife and Fancy Pants.
Everyone at the table was applauding Jon on his last minute performance. Though it's worth noting that Tracey did so tentatively. She wanted to say so many things to her husband like how his lewd comments could have offended some people or how he may have gone too far this time, but the new bottle of wine she had delivered to her table not too long ago had rounded out her edges.
She didn't care about the potential consequences of what had happened, all she wanted to do was enjoy the rest of the evening and give Jon a congratulatory peck on the cheek.
Fancy Pants on the other hand was still reeling with delight from getting the chance to see Jon perform his comedy in person.
"Bravo Jonathan, bravo!" Fancy Pants said, clapping his hooves enthusiastically. "Jolly good show if I do say so myself. Of all the live performances I’ve seen seen in this restaurant yours was undoubtedly the best!"
"Glad you liked it," Jon said, his attention now on the bottle of wine near his wife. "Another bottle? I'll take that!" Jon quickly poured himself a tall helping whereupon he quickly consumed it to steady his nerves. He repeated this process again as he was still shaking of the high that he got after a performance.
"Liked it? I loved it!" Fancy Pants continued. "I propose another toast! To Jon! On a job well done!"
He quickly poured four sets of wine glasses and used his magic to distribute them to his four friends.
"To my husband!" Tracey said lifting her new glass in the air. "Someday his big mouth is going to get us both in trouble." All parties agreed and took a sip
"I'll be honest Fancy Pants I'm surprised you’re not all bent out of shape about...all that." Jon said motioning to the stage. "Don't you rich types find that style of comedy to be...uncouth?"
Something about the way he asked his question made Fancy Pants laugh as he was trying to take another sip of his wine.
"Well Jonathan...I'll admit it was a bit...spirited than what I'm used it but formalities be damned it wasn't a joy to behold!" He said with much vigor. "I'm surrounded by boorish ponies all day long...it's nice to unwind every now and again."
"Well Fancy Pants I just hope it was as good for you as it was for me." Jon joked. He then took another sip of his wine which he almost choked on when Tracey playfully jabbed in the stomach.
"Oh indeed it was!" Fancy Pants said. "You know, I've asked Celestia many times to let me travel to New York so I could watch you do your show but she has always denied my request." This news surprised Jon somewhat, he got the idea that he was a fan but he didn't know it was to this degree.
"No kidding?" Jon asked.
"Oh no I'm quite serious...the joking I leave to you." He said. "I've always wanted to see you do your show in person...seeing you here tonight is the next best thing."
Jon took a long sip of his wine and contemplated how much this night must have meant to him. He'd been to high class social gatherings before and he'd never liked the type of people who attended it, but Fancy Pants was different...Jon found him rather endearing. It was then that Jon got an idea and this time it was definitely the alcohol talking when he made his proposal.
"You know what Fancy Pants...I like you! So you know what I'm going to do?" Jon asked before quickly continuing. "I'm going talk to Celestia and I'll make sure you get the best seat in the house at Daily Show headquarters during the next taping!"
This sudden declaration caused the Fancy Unicorn to almost knock over his glass of wine when he shifted in his seat.
"You're going to let me watch you live!? He asked, his eyes filled with joy.
"Even better," Jon said. "Fancy Pants, I'm going to have you on my show as my guest for an interview...and I won't take no for an answer!"
The cultured Unicorn now found himself at a loss for words. He tried to speak but he momentarily forgot how.
"I...wha-- Jonathan are...are you positive!?" He asked. "Surly there must be other ponies more deserving than I."
"Tell you what...you call me 'Jonathan' one more time and the deal's off." He said with a smile.
"In...in that case," Fancy Pants said, stopping to collect himself. "I humbly accept your offer and cannot thank you enough...Jon."
There was a moment of silence which was eventually broken by Tracey.
"Alright, alright enough of that," she said in a joking tone. Leaning over she grabbed the bottle of wine and opened it with the cork provided with an audible pop. "You two can bromance later...right now the night's still young."
"Agreed!" Fancy Pants said. "But before we go any further I'd like to show you two my gratitude." And Fancy Pants did just that by waving his hoof to get the attention of Gustave Le Grand who had recovered from his fainting incident was doing his usual rounds throughout the restaurant.
"Gustave! I say Gustave could you come here for a second?" He called out. Seeing this he quickly flew over a few guests and landed perfectly in front of them.
"Oui oui monsieur pantalons?" He said, his head still a bit dizzy from his little episode. "Is zer something I can do for you?"
"Gustave old boy I'd like to pay for my friend's dinner tonight," Fancy Pants said. "Not only did Jon here put on a capitol performance but he had also invited me onto his show. These two lovely humans have shown nothing but kindness towards us all night...I simply must repay them in some way."
"Oh Fancy you don't have to do that!" Tracey said.
"Oh but I must!" Fancy Pants said. "I cannot allow your husband’s kindness to go unrewarded...please I insist!"
"Hey...free food." Jon said with a shrug before downing the remainder of his drink.
"Oh monsieur! You are too kind to a man as…vulgar as monsieur Stewart" Gustave said. "But that will not be necessary...his meal has already been taken care of."
"By who?" Jon asked.
"Why who else? Ze Princess herself of course." Gustave answered. "For you see Celestia instructed me that your bill should be sent to her toot sweet at the end of the night."
"Oh well that was very nice of her." Tracey commented.
"Though it does make sense, I doubt human currency carry much weight here in Equestria." Fancy Pants said.
"Honey, wasn't that nice of her?" Tracey asked Jon who didn't answer back. Instead his eyes were closed as he was in deep thought. For a second Tracey thought her husband had fallen asleep from all the alcohol till he opened his eyes again to address the French Griffon.
"So Gustave...are you telling me the Princess left her tab open to me?" Jon asked.
"Oui oui Stewart zis is correct." Gustave answered. Again Jon found himself eyes closed and deep in thought but it didn't last long for soon a devilish smile found its way onto his face and he began to laugh to himself.
"Honey, are you alright?" Tracey asked.
"Indeed Jon you seem...disturbed." Fancy Pants added.
"No, no, FP I'm just fine," Jon said. "In fact I'm so good I'm going to pay for your meal tonight!"
Before he could object Jon swung around to address his wife.
"Hey honey you hear that? Gustave said the meals on Celestia," Jon said. "I don't know about you but I'm starting to feel a second wind coming on." Tracey's confused expression quickly changed to that of understanding.
"Hey Gustave!" Jon said. "Put Fancy Pants and Fleur de Lis' meal on us and bring us another bottle of wine, NO...make it two!"
"Oh uh...of course monsieur of, course...very good." He said as he wrote down their order. "Will zer be anything else you désir."
"Oh you have no idea," Jon said, "But before I go any further...I…I would like to make a special request."
Tracey had an idea of what he was up to but Fancy Pants and his mate were confused as to what he was planning.
"Just name it and I, Gustave Le Grand, will do my best to accommodate!" He said.
"Great...you know that black coated photographer who hangs around your restaurant?" Jon asked.
"Ugh yes...monsieur Shutter Speed." Gustave said, pronouncing his name in the same way one would describe a tapeworm. "I have had...the pleasure of dealing with him from time to time."
"Great!" Jon exclaimed. "I would like to talk with him...could you please show him in?"
Gustave looked beyond surprised by Jon's unorthodox request. He was about to challenge his request but decided to swallow his pride and do as he was asked.
"Of...of course monsieur," Gustave said in a tone of fake enthusiasm. "I will fetch him immediately."
With a quick flex of his wings he took off to the entrance of the restaurant leaving the two couples alone once more.
"Jon...what exactly are you up to?" Fancy Pants asked.
"You'll see." He answered, taking a sip of his wine.
It took about five minutes for Gustave to return with Shutter Speed flying close behind. Jon saw him coming a mile away since the white interior of the building made the dark colored Pegasus stand out even more. Soon the two of them flew in front of the booth where Jon was eagerly waiting.
"Ahem...monsieur Shutter Speed." Gustave introduced in an uncaring tone.
"Daaang this place is grasshoppa!" He yelled. "Hey Mr. S! Loooong time no see! Thanks for letting me in! I ain't never been inside this place before…how’s the grub?"
Now that he was in a much brighter area Jon noticed some things about Shutter Speed that he didn't notice before. Like how his scarf seemed tattered and beat up like he'd never taken it off a day in his life. That wasn't the only thing that seemed aged either. His eyes looked sunken and glazed like he never slept which made him look older.
But the most surprising feature of all was his tail, or rather his lack of one. Even from his angle Jon could now see that Shutter Speed didn't have anything where he tail should be; not even a stub. On any other day he might've asked as to why that was but at the moment he needed to talk business.
"Thank you very much, I'll take it from here." Jon said to the unimpressed griffon.
"Yeah Gusty you can go now," Shutter Speed said before giving him a hardly slap on the back. "Don't worry I promise I won't break anything."
"Yes; quite." Gustave said.
“Oh hey! Before you go!” Shutter Speed said. “Mind if I got the number of that hotty working the front? I think she digs me!”
Ignoring him Gustave walked away. Jon waited for the sound of him flying before talking to his photographer friend.
"Shutter Speed I need a favor from you." Jon said.
"Name it!" Shutter said. Before Jon could continue Tracey cleared her throat to get his attention.
"Oh right...uh before we go on I'd like you to meet my friends: Fancy Pants and Fleur de Lis." Jon said.
"A pleasure to make your acquaintance Mr. Speed." Fancy Pants said. As expected Fleur de Lis didn't say anything but instead laid her long neck against Fancy Pant's shoulders. Shutter Speed didn't give him a formal handshake but instead yanked him forward for a hug liked he'd known him for years.
"Fancy is right! You look like the kind of pony who talks using five dollar words." Shutter Speed joked. Looking over his eyes eventually found Fleur de lis. He gave her a wink and offered to shake her hoof too but she wasn’t interested. Getting the hint he gave up and went back over to Jon. "So about that favor?"
"Yes, I need you to take a picture." Jon continued. Shutter Speed waited to see if there was anything else he wanted to add. When Jon said nothing he commented.
"That's it?" He asked. "Just a picture."
"Yes but not just any picture," Jon explained. "This one is for posterity and it’ll be sent to a dear friend of mine."
"Who?" Shutter Speed asked.
"Well...ok to understand why I'm doing this I need to tell you my plan." He said, motioning for him to come in closer. Jon began to whisper something into the photographer's ear which caused his continued smile to grow even wider the more he listened.
"Understand?" Jon asked.
"Oh ho, ho, Mr. S yous is one sly beast!" Shutter Speed said.
"So you'll do it?" He asked.
"Mr. S...for you, anything." Shutter Speed said. "This is going to be totally grasshoppa!"
After getting the ok Jon slide out of his booth and made his way to the stage.
"I'll be right back!" He called out to his wife. Without even asking Jon threw himself back on stage where he quickly grabbed the microphone he had used not ten minutes ago.
"Hello? Everyone could I please have your attention!?" Jon said to the crowd. The sound of conversations and silverware on fine plates halted and soon all eyes were on him.
"Yes, hello me again...listen I just wanted to thank you all once more for letting me perform for you all this night." Jon said. "It was an experience that I will truly never forget...now I know you all probably want to get back to your meals so I'll make this quick...I have an announcement to make!"
Later that night:
The duties of a Princess can be annoying at times. They can spring up at any moment, and no matter what the situation it always demands your immediate attention. Celestia was brooding on this very thought in her private bedroom as she signed away paper after paper.
Earlier that night she got to meet Tracey McShane for the very first time but was unable to talk for very long. Her original plan was to escort them personally to the Alimentaire Cheval and perhaps even join them for a brief time but at the last second she was called away to take care of some important business. For the rest of the night her only company would be a castle servant, some documents that needed her hoof signature, and the occasional cup of tea.
She wondered if it was perhaps too mean of a prank to not tell Jon that she had signed him up to perform but deep down she knew he would do alright. She did regret missing the chance to see him on stage but at the same time she knew she'd hear about it soon enough from the grapevines.
"Princess?" A muffled voice called out. "May I enter?"
Celestia looked up from a contract she was reading to see her loyal mare-servant awkwardly trying to balance a tea set on her back while keeping some letters and a package in her mouth. She was a young Eathpony with a light brown body and and a bright green mane. She wore thick glasses that covered almost half of her face and her mane and tail were always messy.
"Dear Garnet, do come in." Celestia said in her usual calm tone. "Remember you needn't ask permission to enter I trust you entirety."
The unbalanced pony entered swaying back and forth to balance the tea set. At about halfway through Celestia assisted by using her magic to snag the drinks from off her back, placing it nicely in front of herself.
"Uh...t-thanks!" Garnet said with a blush.
"You're very welcome," Celestia said. "...Is there something you wish to give me?"
Looking confused at first Garnet quickly realized that she was still holding the princess' mail in her mouth.
"Oh sorry!" She said. She quickly trotted up to her royal boss and placed a letter and a white box tied with black string in front of her. "This came for you...f-from Canterlot city."
Taking the letter first Celestia immediately recognized the seal on the letter being from the restaurant she had ordered to accommodate Jon.
"Ah this must be Jon's bill," Celestia said out loud. "Thank you, Garnet. That will be all for now."
"O-of course your Majesty!" Garnet said bowing down so low her glasses almost fell off. "If you need anything else I'll be outside."
With that Garnet turned and made her way to the door while Celestia multitasked by breaking the seal of the letter and using her magic to lift a new cup of tea gently to her mouth.
The second the tea flowed onto her tongue and down her throat she began to violently cough and convulse like she'd be kicked in the stomach. A very surprised and frightened Garnet turned around to see her Princess gasping for breath.
"PRINCESS! Are you alright!?" She called out. In a panic she ran up and saw that the tea she had delivered to her was now spilled in all directions. "Oh...oh no..."
Not knowing what to do at first she stood there watching as Celestia struggled to breathe. She then turned to and ran for the door yelling as loudly as she could.
"Somepony help!" She yelled. "The Princess has been poisoned!" She almost made it to the door when an unknown force stopped her from going any further. Looking back she realized what it was, Celestia had used her magic to stop her in her tracks.
"Wait...Garnet, s-stop." Celestia said, still coughing up her drink. "I'm...I'm fine this isn't...poison."
Rushing back to the side of her Princess, Garnet gently began patting Celestia's back to help her along.
"A-are you sure!?" She asked, getting a nod in return. Garnet now realized she was touching the Princess without permission and recoiled her hoof accordingly. She took a step back and watched as Celestia regained her regal composure. "Then...then what's the matter?"
Using her magic Celestia levitated the letter she had previously opened and showed it to her worried servant. Garnet carefully inspected it and her legs nearly gave out in the process. The letter in question was as Celestia suspected, a bill for Jon and Tracey's meal at the Alimentaire Cheval. That part wasn't what caused Celestia to nearly drown in her own tea, it was the total amounted owed.
"Total: 872,659 bits"
No one said anything. Celestia just starred the massive bill in front of her, confused as she was horrified. In truth this much bits meant nothing to her. Compared to the overall funds she had at her disposal this was barely a drop in the ocean but nevertheless she was still left wondering.
"How?" Celestia thought to herself. "How could those two have produced such a massive check?"
Celestia shook her head and convinced herself that this was nothing more than some kind of clerical error on the restaurant's part. To confirm her suspicions she let the letter unfurl itself to see what they had ordered. And like a boomerang her disbelief came right back when she saw the bill fall to the floor. She sifted through section after section of the invoice which was twice as long as her own body.
She carefully read each entry of the long paper which detailed all that they had ordered.
"320 servings of Cobb salad."
"487 servings of Manhattan style pasta"
"743 servings of celery sticks"
"893 servings of spinach dip."
"912 servings of Chili bowls."
"1689 bowls of tomato soup."
"3980 glasses of deluxe Canterlot wine."
The list went on and on with seemingly no end to it. For the briefest of moments Celestia entertained the thought that perhaps Jon and Tracey did consume this much, she quickly dismissed the idea soon after. She wasn't an expert on humans but she knew that it was impossible for them to consume this much food, no creature could.
As she sat there trying to understand all this her assistant chimed in.
"Um...it also came with this." She said offering Celestia a white box with another note tied to it. Quickly she took the letter and used her magic to open it. It was a letter addressed to her...from Jon.
The letter read:
Dear Princess Celestia:
Today I've learned the importance of helping others and sharing. So to that end I have taking it upon myself to pay for everyone's meal at the restaurant. And since you so graciously decided to pay for my meal tonight, the bill has been sent to you. So from all us here at the Alimentaire Cheval, we thank you for your generosity!
-Your faithful human, Jon Stewart
Celestia couldn't help but laugh at herself. She knew better than to try and match comical wits with Jon and yet she tried anyway; brought down by her own hubris. She looked back at the letter to reread it when she noticed that there was a clause at the very end she hadn't noticed before.
PS: Look in the box; we saved you a piece.
For a second Celestia wondered what box the note was referring to but she quickly remembered that package that came along with it. She looked passed the note at a small white paper pox before her which had the same seal on it as the note that contained the massive bill. To her embarrassment there were some tea stains on it from her coughing fit.
When she opened it she saw two things: A piece of chocolate cake encased in a plastic container and a picture resting on top of it.
The picture was of the Alimentaire Cheval's interior with a large number of ponies in the background including that gaudy statue of herself that Celestia never liked. In the foreground were Jon and Tracey, hand in hand waving at the camera, each of them holding a very expensive glass of wine as if to taunt her. They looked happy and so did every pony in the picture.
Celestia's eyes wandered over to the delicious looking slice of cake. It was her favorite; chocolate cheesecake. Placing the picture face down on the ground she took a deep sigh and made plans to eat her cake of defeat.
It was at this point however that she noticed the picture had some writing on the back. It was quick note followed by Jon's signature. She read it to herself and promptly gave a spirited laugh.
"Leaving an open tab to a Jew from New Jersey...are you mad?" -Jon Stewart.