//------------------------------// // Home is Where... // Story: On My Honor // by Honored Service //------------------------------// On My Honor By Honored Service Edited/preread by Spirit of Harmony “Well now what?” Luna asked me as I walked up the stairs and flopped down onto the couch. My mother was fuming at me. Of course, jump a universe or two and she is still berating me for stealing a few things from the government. It’s not like they didn’t have any extra to spare. And my dad? Well dad was still busy just staring at the Humvee wedged into the garage, as well as the fact that a single person was able to steal something like that. I had explained him the superior magical warrior part, but he still just couldn’t seem to understand how that made me better than an entire compound of trained military personnel. “Honestly I don’t know.” I said looking at Luna as she sat herself down across from me in the living room. “I really hadn’t expected it to work out like that. I had planned on that little mission taking all day because I would get captured and then break free. But not that I’m complaining.” I looked at the new, smaller TV in the living room. I walked over to the shelf and picked up a controller and lightly tossed it at Luna. “I know what can kill some time.” “What is this?” Luna said holding the black shape in her hands. She stared at the plastic colored buttons and lightly tapped one. She tried moving the toggle stick around and saw it move easily in the slot. “That’s an Xbox controller.” I reached down and picked up my own black controller. “I figure I could introduce you to a form of entertainment here in my world. This one shouldn't be too violent.” “HAHA!” Luna squealed in excitement as her character jumped over a barrier, planted a kick to my chest and then drove a rifle with a chainsaw through my chest, slicing my character Dizzy in half, bloody chunks of flesh flying of in every direction. I stared, slack-jawed, at the screen where Luna was spinning around in circles. “Whatever, lets try this game next.” “Attack Dogs inbound.” “Are you fucking kidding me?” I said watching the screen where I was being mauled by a vicious dog. Luna looked at me with the biggest shit eating grin on her face. “Okay fuck this, we’re going old school.” A deep voice rumbled out, “Killing Spree,” as a blue metal clad warrior crouched up and down rapidly on my body in the middle of a giant grassy box canyon. “Okay fuck it. That’s it. I give up. I can’t beat you at any games.” I laid my controller down and stared at Luna as she proudly looked over to me. She had the biggest grin on her face as she nodded her head at me. “You are a worthy opponent, but alas I am stronger.” She smiled even wider as I crossed my arms and grumbled at her. I looked at the clock on the wall and noticed that a few hours had gone by. It was past midday and I was craving some lunch. Damn Luna and her ability to just pick up any game and do well at it. I bet if I gave her Skyrim and turned it on hard she wouldn’t be feeling so cocky right now. “I hope you can have salad again Luna,” I said opening the fridge and peering inside, “because that’s the only thing we have that you can eat.” “Yes that will be fine.” Luna said walking behind me. “Thank you for allowing me to play that box of X with you.” I laughed at her as I began filling a bowl with lettuce and other none delicious meat products. After Luna’s lunch was made I poked around the fridge. But I couldn’t seem to find my hydra steaks. “Mom? Where are my hydra steaks?” “Hydra steaks?” She said looking around the corner of the doorway into the kitchen. “Yes. Those steaks I had sitting on the second shelf of the fridge.” I think I knew where this was going. “OH that meat?” she said waving a hand at me, “They were obviously bad because they were green, so I threw them out.” I pinched the bridge of my nose and let out a deep breath. “They were green, because the hydra is a greenish color.” Great no food for me besides… salad. “Is there anything else to eat that’s not salad?” “You can have some soup or a sandwich.” My mother said while walking back out of the kitchen. I just stood there staring at the empty fridge. I shut it and then reopened it, half expecting it to be filled now, but unfortunately it wasn’t. “You could just eat some greens.” Luna said through a mouthful of lettuce and carrots. “You do make a good salad.” “That’s it!” I yelled, storming out of the kitchen and towards the stairs, “We are discussing salads. I’m going to go do something before I die from boredom.” “Is that such a good id-“ I slammed the door shut and marched off down the street from my house. My boots thumped along the sidewalk while I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my jeans I was wearing. I had opted to remove the armor since my mission was a success and I was just waiting for the three days to end. I sure hope that it was three Equestrian days and not nine earth days. I don’t know if I could continue stealing stuff and causing general chaos for another seven days. “Well what to do?” I looked around at the neighborhood and smiled. Everything was nice and calm. “Looks like we’re due for a big ol’ storm of chaos.” “Muhahaha!” After taking a nap and reading through the last three chapters in Johnson’s old history book, Luna sat down in the living room. “Ah, hello Princess Luna.” Honored’s father said while walking into the room. “How are you?” “I’m quite alright, and please, I am no Princess here on this planet.” Luna said with a smile while picking up the remote for the TV. “But if you could please turn this thing on for me and put it on the news, I would be most grateful.” “Certainly.” The TV popped to life as the screen flickered briefly as it skipped to the news network. Luna watched with great interest as the woman inside the screen began to talk about the economy of the nation. Luna quickly pulled out a scroll and began to furiously write down everything she could about the economy of this nation that Honored lived in. It was interesting that in this economy, very little of the money was actually tangible, most of it being somewhere outside of the spenders hands. “We are going to interrupt this portion of the evening news to go to a story we are getting from a news station located in the southern part of United States.” The woman had appeared on the screen again and she was looking very distraught, Luna thought while inching closer to the TV. She scrunched up her face feeling something tight beginning to form in her chest. The screen flashed to a reporter standing in front of huge crowd that was circled around something. “I’m coming from Downtown where some kind of… magical performance is happening and it is truly out of this world.” Luna felt her eye twitch and a sinking feeling form in her gut. “Johnson?” She called out, waiting for a response. “JOHNSON?” She yelled out louder, turning from the TV and looking around the room. She waited for an answer, but it never came. “Oh dear.” She turned to the screen as the camera panned around and the shot came into focus. A man wearing jeans and a red t-shirt was standing in the center of a ring of people. His left forearm and hand was covered in a blood red fire that was slowly growing all the way up to his shoulder as he smiled and walked around the cleared area around him. “So again I’ll ask,” he turned to a young woman standing at the front of the crowd, “would you care to volunteer?” The man held out his flaming hand to the attractive blonde haired girl. She gave a bashful smile and then reached out solely, her fingers touching the fire, but she left them in the flames. She slowly took hold of his hand before beginning to lift off the ground. Luna felt a small amount of jealousy as he lifted the woman up. The crowd exploded into applause as the woman was suspended upside down in mid-air, merely being held up by the man’s flaming fingers. He gently set her down and then smiled to the crowd. “Give Ashley a big round of applause. That was very brave! Now who else wants to go?” The crowd erupted into an even larger roar as everyone wanted to be lifted into the air. The man quickly gestured to the crowd to settle down as the flames on his hand receded into his palm, leaving a shiny black metal gauntlet visible. “Well then, I think that should be enough volunteers.” He then reached up, his palm glowing with an intense red light, and in swinging motion, brought his fist into the ground as flash of red wrapped around the entire ring of bystanders, and lifted every single one of them into the air. They then began floating around the lone man in the center, every person flipping and gliding through the air, all of them yelling in excitement. “I literally cannot believe that this is happening.” The reporter said as he flipped backwards away from the camera, “But I must believe that this is truly magic.” “And hang on folks!” The man in the center of the floating vortex called out, “there’s more where that came from!” Luna felt her eye twitch again as she watched the magic being performed in front of her on the TV screen. She slowly got up and flicked the TV off before sitting down in the chair and crossing her legs. Luna sat patiently before clearing her throat. “COVERT!” The shadow appeared before Luna, melting out of the darkened kitchen in the late afternoon. He looked at Luna who sitting perfectly still. And rolled his red eyes. “Honored?” “Honored.” Luna said while nodding. “He is using magic and stirring up attention for himself in the middle of the downtown area of the city.” “We should probably stop him.” Covert added, reaching up and grabbing a pair of keys off the counter in the kitchen. “Before he angers more people.” Luna began walking towards the door, “Or gets himself caught.” “Sir I have to ask,” the reporter walked up to me and shoved a microphone into my face, “how are you doing this?” I rolled my eyes and pushed the microphone away. “I believe in magic and so then I do it.” Ha have fun with that logic. Now everyone will be just thinking about it trying to get it. Earth 0, me 1. With a flick of my gauntlet I made a trashcan hover into the air and perform a series of flips before turning into a cyclone of trash that hovered over the park. I was using the park in the center of downtown to have my performance and so far I was getting a standing ovation. I checked my watch and saw that it was nearing six, and the lowering sun was telling me it was time to vanish. But I couldn’t just leave without giving the people one last show. A grand finale. I prepared myself to cast a huge spell that should uproot a tree and then animate it to carry me, but suddenly the squealing of wheels on pavement caught my attention. I blue Firebird came ripping around the corner of the park and jumped the curb, heading straight for me. I could make out two dark red eyes behind the wheel and a very angry princess in the passenger’s seat. “Shit.” I grumbled out as the car spend across the grass, ripping the park to shreds as it went. The car drifted into a turn, kicking grass and dirt up as it went, stopping inches from me. The crowd that was behind me was staring slack jawed at the racing shadow. “Hey Luna.” “Don’t you ‘hey Luna’ me!” Luna yelled at me as she disembarked from the vehicle. “You use magic in front of all these humans! You are jeopardizing everything you said would happen by pulling off this stunt! To think that maybe you could be responsible for one damn afternoon! Just enjoy yourself on Earth, but no, you have to go and make sure all eyes are on you, doing whatever you can do to make sure that you are the center of the universe!” Luna was positively fuming at me. “So did you enchant the car that was involved in an extremely dangerous high-speed chase a day ago before driving through the center of the downtown area?” I asked jerking my thumb at the car. Luna suddenly stopped glaring at me, and spun around to look at the car. Covert was sitting the in the driver’s seat, returning a shrug to our stares. “I may have forgotten to do that.” Luna mumbled as I slapped a hand to my face. WOO WOO A fleet of police cars rounded the corner of park and headed straight for us. I sighed again and began to charge up my magic into my gauntlet. “God damn it Luna.” “And for my next act, watch as I, the Great and Powerful Honored, disappears!” I turned and bowed to the still gathered crowd and camera before snapping my fingers and teleporting into the driver’s seat of the car. “Hey watch it!” Covert shouted as he quickly melted through the seat and into the back seat while Luna hopped into the passenger’s seat. “Good going Luna.” I said while slamming the car into gear and tearing out of the park, kicking up green grass behind me as I ripped through the park, the police cars continuing their pursuit along the road and through the park. “Listen I’m not the one who just spent an entire morning removing themselves from military records, to then just go and make a public display of themselves.” Luna shouted back at me as I swerved the car onto the road, barely missing an oncoming truck as I did so. “Look I removed all trace of myself from the computer system there, meaning that any info they had on me: my name, face, everything, is gone now. And during the performance my name was Honored. Good luck finding me!” I looked at Luna and smiled, “See I can cover my tracks pretty well.” I quickly charged up my gauntlet and raised the entire car into the air as a police cruiser attempted to side-swipe us off the road. “Unlike some certain princess that loves to make everything harder for me.” The smell of burning rubber filled my nose as I drifted through a turn and raced down the main street of downtown. I flicked the car into car and sped off towards the highway heading towards my house. I would have to ditch the cops (again) before I could return home. And I really didn’t want to stop the cars (again) and risk getting squashed in an insane high-speed chase (again). I reached into my pocket and pulled out my iPod. I quickly turned it on and watched as the normally silver icon on the screen was blood red for some reason. “That’s new.” I commented before sticking the iPod into the adapter cable. “What are you doing?” Luna said next to me as she gripped onto the door handle for dear life as we flew over a bump and crashed down, skidding to the side and nearly hitting a car in the opposite lane. “Listen, if you want me to outrun these police, then I’m going to need some motivation.” “And getting caught by the guard you warned me about isn’t enough?” Luna shrieked as we made a sharp turn, one of the following cop cars skidding and slamming into a fire hydrant, putting it out of the chase. “If my opinion matters,” Covert spoke up over the roaring of the engine as I hit a straight away, “I like your music.” “Thank you Covert.” I smiled and reached up towards the iPod, but my hand stopped as I looked at the screen. “Okay that is really new.” On the screen where the home screen should be was now a glowing image of my cutie mark that was on my biceps. The yellow five pointed star with a black outline and a blue ribbon streaming off from the top point surrounded by five smaller orange stars. “Okay this is freaky now.” I stopped looking at the screen and turned my attention to the road as a police car had somehow managed to get in front of me and was preparing to box me in. “Oh hell naw.” I said while charging my magic into my gauntlet and then focusing the blood red aurora around the black and white vehicle. i scooped it up and into the air before depositing it lightly on its side next to the road as i sped by. “Two down.” I looked over my shoulder at the flashing lights. “A shitload to go.” “Princess Celestia, i wish you would calm down. Please?” Twilight said while walking up to her mentor’s side. “Its only been a day. They still have another two left before the portal will bring them back.” Twilight had stayed up all night pouring through every portal spell book she could find, trying to see about a reverse spell, but to no avail. And having the chief ruler constantly watching over your shoulder didn't help the process either. “How can I be calm? They could be-” Celestia was met with the deadpan stares of six ponies beneath her. “Princess,” Applejack said calmly, “We have been over this. Y’all need to stop this fretting and just be patient. I’m positive that even as we speak, Honored is showing you sister the finer points of his home world.” “Shit. Shitshitshitshitshit.” I repeated over and over again as another cop car drew alongside my car. I looked left and right both cars inching closer to pin me in. i quickly levitated the car into the air before dropping the car down onto the roofs of both cars and then peeling off the tops, onto the hoods and then onto the asphalt of the road and tearing off down the highway, leaving two wrecked patrol cars behind. “I must insist that our dear Applejack is right darling.” Rarity smiled to the princess before levitating her a cup of tea. “Think about it like this, Honored is seeing his family and trying to spend his few days home to catch up on all he missed.” “Honored!” Luna shouted into my ear as a loud ‘pop’ filled the air. I quickly jerked my head around and watched as the passenger of the closest police car leaned back out the window gripping a pistol in his hand. “I know. I know.” I quickly veered right down another street, the police staying close on my tail. Covert leaned forward so he was talking into my ear. “Honored he’s preparing to fire.” “Thanks for the update!” I half shouted, half grumbled at the shadow as a round bounced right next to car, then another shattered the driver’s side view mirror. “Oh now it’s personal.” I jerked the car into a hard left turn and cut down a side road along the main highway. The screen on the iPod gave a quick flash of light and then it began to blast heavy rock into the air. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DelhLppPSxY) The bullets continued to eat the asphalt around the car as i sped forward, Luna continuing to curse at me and Covert trying to keep his head down as a round smashed through the rear window and into my rearview mirror, shards of glass raining everywhere. “That’s it. Covert take the wheel and get back to the house and hide the car in the backyard under the tarp. I’m going to buy us an exit.” I grunted as i cut the wheel and rounded the car back onto the main highway. Suddenly i heard the steady thumping of a helicopter filling the air. My pulse quickened as i aimed my gauntlet out the window and at the approaching chopper. “Not this time.” i fired a blast of blood red magic at the helicopter and gave a wicked grin as the rotors stopped spinning and the helicopter slowly fell towards the ground as the rotors began to lose their power. it landed far behind us with small cloud of dust rising from the still spinning blades. i reached down and grabbed the iPod off the connector cable and stuffed the still blaring device into my jean’s pocket. I turned the wheel a final time making the car spin around in a complete circle. As the car turned, i reached over and opened the door, stepping out just as it turned so i was now walking towards the oncoming police cars, my car finishing the spin behind me and continuing off towards home. I began to jog and then broke into a full dead on sprint at the closing cars. Their bright red and blue lights flashing before me as i leapt into the air and came down, slamming my metal fist into the ground. A massive wave of blood red magic exploded out from my fist and raced along the ground towards the police cars. The red magic shredded the black asphalt as it traveled along, causing the street to look as if an earthquake had struck the town. Two of the tailing police cars ended up nose down into the cracks running along the streets while another flipped backwards as a pipe shot upwards and smashed into the bottom of the car. “Hail to the king, baby.” I grinned as my magic surrounded my fist and I pointed at a telephone pole next to me and ripped it out of the ground. I took a running step forward before hurling it over my head like a javelin, and guided it to its target. The wooden pole pinned a cop car to the street, lurching forward and sending both of the officers out of the front window. I reached out and caught them in my magic before they could receive more harm other than cuts from the shattered windshield. After dropping the two officers alongside the road i turned my attention to the rest of the police cars. Except the cars weren't chasing after me. They had stopped in front of me and every officer was out of the car with their weapons drawn. “Well fuck.” “I know I'm overreacting girls. Again.” Princess Celestia said while sipping on more of Rarity’s tea. She was feeling much better now after the comforting words. She was only worried because she herself knew nothing about the portal spell and the functions of it in another universe. Who knew if it could even have worked. She could truly begin to worry in two more days. “It’s alright Princess Celestia.” Fluttershy said quietly. “Sometimes we all worry about the littlest things. I mean i know losing a sister isn't little, but shes going to be okay.” Fluttershy slowly got softer and softer as she tried to reason with the princess, but Celestia only smiled in return. “Thank you Fluttershy. I understand what you mean.” Celestia began to think before placing the teacup down and addressing the Elements gathered before her. “We should probably prepare a welcome back for them.” “FINALLY!” Pinkie Pie shouted before rolling a large blue cannon out of the door of Rairty’s shop and towards the Everfree forest. I squared off against the gathered police as nearly fifteen pistols were trained on me. I took a deep breath and lowered my arms, my gauntlet still having a faint red glow on around it. I quickly threw my arm up, a shimmering red shield forming in front of me. At the same time, every pistol opened up on me, pouring hot lead directly at my body. But every round was caught mid air by my shimmering blood red shield. One that seemed very similar to a plasma shield held by a Jackal from Halo. I thrusted the shield forward, sending the lead back to its sender. The chunks of metal bounced all around the cars, causing the police to duck behind their cars. I shook my gauntlet, the red magic dying off from its surface. I then looked up at the recovering police and gave them a quick cocky two fingered salute before snapping my fingers on my gauntlet. FLASH “Oh- cough- my- pant- god.” I fell to the ground panting like a dog after a five mile run. I was laying on my front yard, my right hand resting on the cool grass, while i stared up at the darkening sky. “Honored?” The soft calm voice called out to me before I heard someone running up to me. I slowly turned my head to see Luna resting on her knees next to me. She had a very concerned look on her face. “ ‘sup.” I said before the world seemed to grow darker around me. I slowly cracked my eyes open and found myself lying on my bed staring up at my ‘Celestia Is Watching’ poster. I groaned and sat up. I smacked my mouth open and closed, trying to get the cotton on my tongue to go away. I stretched and swung my feet over the side of the mattress before realizing I was completely naked. “LUNA!” After dressing and grumbling to myself so more, i trudged up the stairs to find Luna sitting with Covert at the kitchen table enjoying a cup of coffee. “What happened? And why the fuck was I naked?” I said taking a seat at the head of the table. Both Covert and Luna giving a sideways glance to each other. Covert simply slide out from the chair and melted into the shadows along the wall, leaving just Luna and myself. “Okay well I can explain.” Luna began, setting her coffee down. “I’m guessing you attempted your first ever long-range teleportation spell, and it worked. But since you don't have an alicorn amount of magic in you, and your talent isn't magic, jumping such a great distance caused your body to shut down while your magic returned.” “Okay that makes sense.” I said, while bringing out my Ipod from my pocket. I had grabbed the little device from the dresser on the way out of my room. Right now the screen was black and holding the power on button had no effect. I very slowly began to dump some magic into the tech just like before. “So why was I naked?” Luna coughed and sputtered on her sip of coffee. I gave her a smile, “Think I would just forget?” “Well you see… I didn’t know how long you would be out. So i just stripped you down and put you to bed.” Luna said with a blush, her eyes darting back and forth. “So you wouldn't happen to know where my old polaroid camera is then?” Very slowly Luna’s horn began to glow and a handful of polaroid pictures floated out from under the table and landed in front of me. I looked down and then back at Luna. “Ahem.” I coughed. One more floated out and joined the others. “Thank you.” I said before quickly causing the photos of a naked sleeping human to burst into flames and vanish. “Wait what did you mean that you didn't know how long I would be out. How long has it been?” I said looking around the kitchen trying to find the time. The oven clock showed that it was only nine at night so i had been out for a few hours at the most. “Its been over five days.” Luna said while looking at me. “Honored. The spell said three days and it had been eight days!” Luna’s eyes slowly began to get bigger as she spoke. She looked down and then brought her smooth pale hands as they began to shake violently. “Five days.” She then looked up to me with tears in her eyes. “Honored it was only supposed to last three days.” Luna stood up and began pacing back and forth across the kitchen while I stayed seated and watched her. “Five days. Oh my sister is going to kill me! But she never will because we are never going back and i’ll be stuck as this… this… thing forever!” “Hey!” I said, looking up at Luna with a hurt look. “I happen to be one of those things!” I then walked over to Luna and guided her back to her seat. “Now Luna listen, two years in Equestria is six here. So three Equestrian days…” I waited as the gears slowly began to work inside of her mind. “So then we have one day left?” Luna said realizing that she was worrying about nothing. She visibly began to smile before grabbing me in a huge hug and spinning me around in a circle. “Yes.” I choked out from Luna’s death grip. “Now put me down!” “Opps, sorry.” Luna blushed as i patted my clothes. “Its alright.” So tomorrow we would head back to Equestria, meaning i had one night left with the family. “MOM! DAD!” I yelled out. “What?” Came the doubled echo. “Get ready, we're going out to eat!” I smiled as I took Luna’s hand and pulled her out towards my parent’s cars. My mom and dad sat opposite Luna and myself at one of the fancier restaurants in the town. We were seated comfortably in a corner table with a large potted plant tucked into the corner behind myself. Luna was still quizzing the waiter about nearly everything on the menu, still trying to decide what she wanted to get at her first and last visit to an alternate universe’s restaurant. “What's fillet mignon?” Luna said looking over the menu placed in front of her. “Um yeah, nope.” I looked up to the waiter and smiled, “We’ll have two sweet teas and she’ll have the salad special.” The waiter nodded to me and then walked over to my parents to get their order. Oh shoot i almost forgot. i leaned over to my left side near the wall of the restaurant and looked around. “Pssst.” No response. “PSSST!” “What?” Came a muffled voice. “What do you want Covert?” The shadows i was talking into remained silent for a moment until a menu being held by a pitch black had crawled out of the shadows. Another long pointed finger jabbed at something on the menu. I nodded and smiled, “Good choice.” I reached over and snagged the menu from the shadow’s grasp and turned. A family across the restaurant was staring right at me as i took a menu from the sinister hands that were coming straight off the wall. I just smiled and waved at the family before turning back to the table i was sitting at. i quickly flagged down the waiter before he could leave. “I’m sorry i forgot something. With the steak meal could i also get the double lobster tail and shrimp.” The waiter looked at me and then raised an eyebrow. “You want both things?” He asked while still giving me a strange look. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a sparkling diamond the size of quarter and placed it in his hand. “And when you bring it, if you could just put it behind me next to the wall, that would be great.” I smiled as he closed his fist around the diamond and looked back at me. “Of course sir. I’ll make sure everything is prepared perfectly.” “Thank you.” “So son,” my father said from the other side of the table once the waiter had left with the orders, “When did you first meet Princess Luna?” “Hmm... well I guess it was when I was first getting started in the new world… Wait, this isn't like that!” I quickly held my hands up and cut that conversation off. “We are just friends!” I heard some deep muffled laughter coming from the shadows behind me against the wall. “And you better shut it or no chocolate lava cake for you.” The laughter quickly stopped. “Oh sorry dear.” My mother smiled at me innocently. “We just thought since she was by your side every second while you were unconscious and the fact you two do nearly everything together and the fact that you argue like an old married couple that you two were together.” I was quickly turning redder and redder as my mother kept talking. I began to slam my head against the table causing a few surrounding tables to turn and look at ours. I guess my table manners were a bit shaky. “So wait,” my dad turned to look at my mother, “you mean our son isn't dating the pretty pony princess?” SLAM SLAM SLAM SLAM Luna just watched in amusement, a huge shit-eating grin plastered to her face as she just watched the torture unfold. And of course i had to listen Covert’s constant two cents on what he thought. Which was a lot. I was only saved once the food arrived. And it looked amazing. An actual prepared steak. MADE OF BEEF! “Face it Honored,” Covert said in between bitefuls of his lobster, “You two are being forced together like some badly written romance novel that Twilight keeps under her bed.” “No.” I said simply as I cut into my very rare steak. I loved it like this. Juicy and fresh. I think I can hear it mooing. For the most part I think Luna is still just trying to bother me. No one could take this much denial and rejection without quitting. Then again she did kind of whisper into my ear. ‘I always get what I want.’ I shivered as I thought about that and continued to eat. The rest of the meal went without any incident, and Luna finally seemed to stop creeping on me once I ordered her some of the restaurant's famous moon pie cake. She even had laughed at the name and smiled at me. She seemed so happy in the dimmed lighting of the restaurant. I paid the tab for the meal handing the waiter a bag full of golden bits. He started to question me, but then i handed him another two diamonds. “Thanks for putting up with us.” I said while walking away. “And I promise you, those are real.” As I walked outside I noticed that Luna was standing under the street light alone. “Hey Luna, where did my parents go?” “They went to bring the car around. So i just decided to wait here with you.” She said with a smile as she took a step closer towards me. Out here in the natural light beneath the full moon one could really appreciate how she looked. She had turned that same old overcoat into a tight fitting black dress that came all the way down to her feet and left a small trail that dragged behind her. The dress hugged her human body perfectly, showing off the curves that she got when she changed over universes. I quickly shook my head to try and stop thinking about her, but when I looked up, she was still standing there, just as pretty as before. The dress stopped at her shoulders, showing off her flawless pale skin that seemed to glow under the moonlight. Her eyes sparkled under the street light as she brushed a rouge strand of her deep purple hair back behind her ear. I coughed and turned away blushing heavily before looking across the street. Two blood red eyes were watching me with great intensity. “Fuck off Covert!” I yelled out as a gray sedan pulled up alongside the curb. I opened the door for Luna and then ran around the side before climbing into the car. I sat in the back of the car thinking about my time on Earth. I had been in two high speed pursuits with the local police, assaulted a military development compound, stole who knows how much high grade weapons and tech, knocked unconscious for five days because I performed my first official long range teleportation spell, and then had one hell of an awkward dinner with my family. I then exploded into laughter from the back of the car, causing all eyes to focus on me. “Son are you okay?” My gruff father’s voice spoke out over the hum of the engine. “Yeah.” I said through another wave of tears, “It’s just here I am, a magical super warrior that had been fighting for another nation for two years, and and HAHA!” More laughter erupted out of me while Luna just gave me a weirded out stare. “No. No. No. hold on.” I snickered again before taking a deep breath. “Okay so I’m all of that, plus riding with one of the rulers of the nation and I'm in the back of my parent's care being shuttled around like an awkward teen coming back from his first date!” More laughter exploded from me as Luna slowly began to laugh too, before joining me in huge amounts of laughter. My parents just looked at the two of us, one ruler of a nation, and an elite warrior with magical powers, and just rolled their eyes as they continued to head home. “This is it!” Celestia said while climbing down from her bed. She walked over to her balcony and raised herself into the sky with a powerful thrust from her giant wings. She gently lowered the moon, tucking back into the deep void of space before reaching out and gripping the sun and moving the fiery ball low in the sky to begin the day. “I swear if those two aren't back today, i’m going to do something terrible to him.” Celestia said while gliding herself of her balcony and down to her open study window. She settled in behind the desk and began to go over the paperwork before her. It was obvious that the Honored couldn't be left alone. He was just too… well he was just to himself to live peacefully and be content with a normal life. He just always had to stir up trouble. So Celestia needed a way to keep a closer eye on him. Covert had done his job, but she knew that the shadow was faithful to the human as well. He was a loyal friend and was apart of the Elements of Sanctuary with Honored. He might have even helped him in the whole portal thing. Celestia sighed, Covert was so good at stealth he would have been the perfect candidate for her newest plan of action. Honored needed a handler. He need somepony to constantly be there and watch out for him. Somepony that would act like a babysitter for the rambunctious human. He was like a wild little foal. And with any wild kid, sometimes they needed harsher punishment. And Celestia could think of nothing harsher than having him kept under control by a personal handler to release him when the situation called for it. Before Celestia were a stack of folders. Each one contained the record of guards around the castle that not only outranked the disorderly soldier, but were loyal to the guard; both Day and Night guards. Celestia began sorting through the papers trying to decide who to send. They had to be tough, resourceful, clever, brave, and above all else, able to put up with his nonsense. Celestia flipped open a page and her eyes stopped. She scanned the page and a smile slowly began to form on her lips. “To calm a bad dog,” She began to say before writing a name down, “sometimes he has to be… fixed.” I stayed awake mostly all night packing the Humvee with everything i was going to bring back to Equestria. All of my personal guns in the overseas bag was added on top of the massive pile of weapons and other gear taken from the military compound. I also tucked my TV and my Xbox into the truck as well. I’m sure I could come up with some way to get those things working. “Honored?” Luna said behind me as I loaded the last of my clothes back into the trunk of my Firebird. I figured Rarity would get a kick out of having clothes from another universe. “Sup Luna?” I said wiping my hands on my faded blue jeans and turning around. Luna was wearing a tight fitting white dress blouse and a rather short black skirt. For only being a human for a little over a week she sure knew how to dress. I quickly shook my head and smiled, “What do you need princess?” “I came to see how you were doing.” She said looking around at the military vehicle crammed into the garage. “I’m good.” I put my hands on my hip and looked at her, one eyebrow raising. “What did you do?” “Oh nothing. But i was wondering can i bring some things back with me?” She asked sheepishly while twiddling her thumbs. “Sure i guess… wait when did you have time to get things?” I said suddenly very concerned with what she wanted to bring. “Well you were out for five days. i wasn't by your side for literally every second. And your mother is so nice, she took me shopping.” “Wait. What?” I felt completely left out of this conversation. Since when did my mother hang out with Luna? “Well first we went to the bank to exchange currencies. How your society can place so much value in a few pounds of gold is beyond me,” Luna explained with a wave of her hand. Suddenly a glowing pile of stuff floated in front of the Humvee. Books of all sizes, chemistry sets, radios, TVs, and other electronics all floated into the pile that was almost as large as the pile of military things I was bringing back. “I am still so blown away by the technology of this world. I just had to bring some of it back to Equestria for research.” Luna said, bouncing up and down slightly. I should have probably told her about bras. Once I tore my eyes off her chest, I looked at Luna’s pile of souvenirs. “Okay, if you can get it to fit, then sure why not. Just maybe you should be careful about introducing tech like this to Equestria.” “Says the being that is bringing a military carriage loaded with military weapons and whatever that is.” She pointed her thumb over a large drab green crate that had ‘TOP SECRET ADW SYSTEM’. “Hey some of that stuff is important!” I said defensively, standing in front of the overloaded Humvee, “And besides, I'm using all this stuff to protect your kingdom or whatever Equestria is.” I nodded as i crossed my arms over my chest. I’ll be damned if I leave any of these precious armaments behind. “Then can I take this stuff?” Luna said, her eyes growing larger as she leaned in closer to me, her shirt’s top button coming undone- “OKAY!” I quickly looked away with a blush. I’ll be happy once we get back to Equestria. Stupid sexy human Luna. “If it fits, it ships.” I said as Luna began to wedge everything she wanted to bring back in the Firebird. I was certainly going to try and bring both vehicles back with me. When the portal opened in a few hours it would pull the three of us back through it, so in theory, if we magical connected ourselves with the vehicles, then they would get pulled through too. Right? God I hope so. I could only think about tearing through a battle in my Humvee armed to the teeth with weapons and the .50cal blaring as went along tearing enemies to bloody ribbons. “Okay is everypony ready?” Celestia said while standing in front of the spell rune in the clearing located a short distance inside of the Everfree forest. Pinkie Pie had decorated the clearing with confetti and balloons. She even had a table laid out with punch and party snacks. She wasn't kidding when she had said she was going to throw them a welcome home party. Standing behind Celestia was the Elements of Harmony and beyond them, concealed in the brush of the Everfree where the three guards Celestia had selected as possibile handlers for the human. This was the first test. How would they react to their first encounter with the human. Her small group consisted of two Day Guards and one Night Guard. All them had outstanding service records and had the on paper experience, but how they would handle the human in a real situation would be the ultimate test. Suddenly one spark erupted from the spell rune. The magic leapt from each magical artifact, a small speck of light growing in the center of the clearing. “Finally.” Celestia let out a massive sigh of relief. These had been the longest three days of her life, always waiting with baited breath if the spell would work or not. But she was glad to see the human’s novice magic skill was enough to cast such a difficult spell. If anything, Twilight was more upset that Honored had done a spell she had not. As I loaded the last bit of my belongings into the truck, a white spark jumped off my arm and onto the side of the Humvee. “OH SHIT!” I quickly ran towards the living room. I meet Luna halfway there with Covert right behind her. “You felt it too?” “Yes.” Luna said quickly. “It would appear the spell is beginning to reform and the portal will open.” Luna watched as another spark jumped between all three of us. “Well let me say my goodbyes and then we will be off.” I smiled. I loved my family. and I loved my home, but i had found a place that needed me more, and I was heading back. Equestria was my home. As I climbed the stairs I found both my parents looking at me from the couch. “Please don't go.” My mother choked out as tears slowly began to form in her eyes. I saw my dad’s lip quiver, but nothing else showed his emotions. “You just got back.” “I know mom.” I pulled her in for a hug. “I’m sorry but I have to. This other world, they need me. I’m one of their main forces of defense against anything evil. We all have a place in the life we are given, and I found mine.” I pulled back from her tear soaked face and smiled. “I love you mom.” I reached down into the small knapsack slung over my shoulder and took out a fist sized round crystal. I placed it in her palm and raised it up to her face. Watching the crystal, she saw a picture of our family locked inside the precious stone with magic. The picture was old, taken before I left for college, but with a simple illusion spell, myself in the picture had been altered to look like i did now. Red, yellow and orange streaked brown hair covering my head and my shiny golden armor covering my army uniform. My mother let out another sob as she sank to the couch and held the crystal close to her chest like it was the only thing keeping her alive now. I turned to my father, only to be scooped up in a huge hug and lifted off the ground by the mammoth of a man. “Son you may live in a different world now, filled with ponies and monsters, but you’ll always be my son.” He put me down and wiped a single tear from his face before smiling, “And I couldn't be prouder of you.” I looked at him and smiled at him. I reached back into the knapsack and removed a bag filled with nothing but diamonds. “I wanted to leave you with something, and i think this should cover anything in the future.” I handed him the bag as he stared in awe at the glistening diamonds inside. “Oh yeah, and Luna helped me make this.” I pulled out a golden ring that had two gemstones embedded on the top of it: a ruby and an emerald. “A ring.” He said looking at it questionly. “It’s a truth ring. If you wear it and the person you're talking to lies, the red stone lights up. The truth, the green one lights.” My father slipped on the ring and looked at me with a smile. “This will come in handy when asking suspects questions. But I don't think I can use it in a case. Magical rings probably won't stand up to a jury.” “Most likely.” ‘DING’ “Hahaha” We both exploded into laughter as the ring glowed green. “So do you like Luna?” He asked with a serious face as the laughter died down. “What?” I quickly recoiled from him. “NO!” ‘BZZT’ The ring glowed red. “Well i mean i like her as a friend.” ‘DING’ I let out a sigh of relief. I stepped back from my parents. “I’m sorry to have to leave mom and dad. But it’s getting close.” Another spark jumped off my arm, this one larger than the last. I gave them each another large hug and then smiled. “And don’t worry. Maybe I can visit again another time.” I gave them a wink before walking back to the garage. Luna and Covert climbed into the Firebird and soon the engine roared to life. The car was in great shape, save for the missing side view mirror, rearview mirror, and the shattered rear window, but I'm sure Twilight could have a fix-it spell or something. A dark blue aura surrounded the car as it slowly pulled out of the backyard and into the cul-de-sac. I jumped into the Humvee and pushed the ignition. The massive engine roared to life as I backed the monster out of the garage. Another spark jumped off my arm and onto the Humvee, this time the spark stayed jumping around the truck. I quickly charged my magic and released a spell around the military transport truck locking it to my magic. More sparks began to jump frequently from my arms onto the Humvee. I turned the wheel, the Humvee rolling into the cul-de-sac right next to the still glowing Firebird. I looked back to my house and at my parents standing on the front porch watching me. I gave them a final wave and then pushed the accelerator forward, lurching the truck into gear as the sparks began to hold steady around me and a white glow began to fill my vision. I smiled as I felt magic beginning to tug on my body. I couldn't miss an opportunity like this. “WE GOT TO REACH EIGHTY-EIGHT LUNA!” I screamed out the open window at Luna who was cruising along side me, the whole Firebird glowing white. “WHAT?” Luna roared at me over the humm of magic filling the air. “NEVERMIND ITS A JO-” SSSSHHHH- FLASH- The portal stretched wider as the onlooking group of ponies stared at the intense white light gathering at the center of the rune. A loud chiming of magic filled the air as well as some kind of strange unknown growling? Celestia cocked her head to the side and looked at the ponies around her. Sure enough they also looked confused. If she didn't know any better, it sounded like the engine of an airship before it took off. “Oh no.” Celestia mouthed before being slammed to the side by a dark gray and purple blur of color. Celestia was laid out on the ground with the Elements of Harmony, save for Pinkie Pie who was laying on top of her side, as the portal ripped open and two large carriages exploded outward, and screamed through the clearing. They crashed into the refreshment table and continued out of the clearing and through the forest, the blue blur dodging a tree by mere inches. The other massive tan carriage smashed over the small tree and continued on out of the clearing. Celestia saw a very startled looking human riding inside the larger of the two ponyless carriages. She slowly stood up and looked at the tracks gouged into the earth. “Come on girls, lets make sure that Honored and Luna are okay.” She looked over to the darkness of the underbrush where a pair of dark pink and purple slitted eyes watched. Celestia nodded at the eyes before seeing them vanished. As the girls filed out of the clearing following the twin tracks, Celestia dismissed the two Day Guards standing beside her. “You may go my guards. I believe the situation has been taken care of.” They both nodded before taking off into the sky. A shadow quickly emerged from the underbrush and stood in front of the princess. “That was one amazing performance Night Rose.” Celestia said to the dark blue-gray bat pony. She bowed to the ground and rose looking up to the princess with a smile. “Of course your highness.” Her voice was a bit rough, almost seductive as she folded her bat-like wings against her sides. “I’m sure you can guess what your new job will be if Luna is okay with it.” Celestia said. She knew that the Night Guard could obey her, but they took their orders directly from Luna. And knowing Luna’s feelings for the human, she might not be okay with him having a handler to watch over him. “I’ll await my orders then.” Night Rose bowed before falling in behind the ruler of the day, her dark blue mane and tail with dark pink streaks in it bobbing behind her as she walked. “WHOOOAAAAAA!” I screamed as the Humvee was suddenly jerked forward into a blinding light. Colors flashed by me as everything seemed to be pulled in every direction. I saw the dark blue Firebird stretch beside me, Luna slowly morphing back into an alicorn in the driver’s seat. Damn that looks uncomfortable. A black spec appeared in front of me and just as quickly as we had been pulled into the white light, we shot out of the portal and through the opening and into the clearing of the Everfree. Except we were hauling some serious ass. I skidded forward and through a table covered in sweets as Luna swerved the car off towards the side past a tree. I continued forward out of the clearing, passing by a group of ponies laying on the ground directly to the side of my Humvee. I made eye contact with Celestia for the briefest of moments before rocketing into the underbrush of the forest. “SHIT!” I yelled slamming on the brakes in the field outside of the forest. I saw a dark blue wing protruding from the driver side window on the Firebird along with a hoof. Luna must be crammed in there. The sports car finally rolled to a stop and then turned around, slowly making its way towards me. It stopped on the right side of my truck. Luna was awkwardly crammed in the driver’s seat, as being a large alicron made it hard to drive a small sports car. I laughed while tumbling out of the Humvee because of having to watch Luna try and her get out of the car. Luna finally was able to stand up, Covert standing beside her as I looked at them both. I gave them each a large smile and then wrapped them both in a huge hug. “Welcome home.” Luna whispered into my ear. I felt a tear form before quickly shaking my head. “Thanks Luna. Its good to be back.” “HONORED!” The voice of Celestia cut through the air and broke up our little moment. Covert looked at me and smiled. “Good luck human.” He then slowly faded into a fine black mist and vanished into thin air. “TRAITOR!” I yelled shaking a fist at the dispersing cloud. “At least you’ll stick with me Luna.” I said turning to Luna to see her tip-hoofing away. “LUNA!” “Oh hey.” She smiled and then went to standing behind me, “Sorry, i was just going to make sure the car made it alright.” “It’s fine.” I deadpanned as Princess Celestia, the Mane Six, and some Night Guard i hadn't seen before came towards us from out of the Everfree forest. “And why do I feel like I'm in trouble?” “Because we left without giving them any type of warning and went to a different world in a spell cast by a novice magic user.” Luna said as she gave an awkward wave towards the approaching ponies. “Honored Service.” Princess Celestia stated my name out. I swallowed a lump in my throat and walked forward, stopping before the ruler in a bow. “Yes your highness?” “You have one chance to explain to me why you attempted that spell even after you were told not to. And why you had my sister lie to me.” Her normally calm demeanor was gone, replaced with slight anger. Okay so a lot of anger. I rose to my feet and quickly pulled the collar of my black t-shirt as I rose. I quickly adjusted my belt holding up my faded jeans before coughing into my hand. “Okay I knew I wasn't supposed to do the spell, but I wanted to see my home. I wanted to give my parents, my family some closure on my leaving. Also if I had encountered some old friends, which I did, I wanted to make sure they will okay. I… I did lie, but I knew that if I didn't you wouldn't let me go. You wouldn't have let me try that spell.” Celestia just looked at me, a painful look spread across her face. “Honored, you didn't think that we wouldn't have helped you?” “I… I don't know. I was scared of having the only chance of seeing my family, my world again for maybe the last time.” I looked up at Celestia and then looked to my other friends, my pony friends. “I know I messed up, but I had to do it. I had to see my family.” I hung my head and sighed. “Listen I’m sorry everypony.” I looked up, “I didnt mean to scare y’all, but I had to do it.” I waited for the retribution from them in agony. The seconds felt like they were dragging into hours as I stood there shuffling my feet around. “Honored I can understand why you went. But to not tell us until you were gone,” Twilight stepped forward and looked directly at me, “That was low. But if you can give me a full detailed account of the spell and how you did it, then maybe i can begin to forgive you.” A smile slowly began to creep onto her face as she realized that once again, she had me under her hoof. All of the ponies gathered did. And they slowly realized it. “If it helps at all, I brought you all something.” I smiled, “Well except for you.” I looked at the Night Guard wearing the silver armorer. For some reason her armor wasn't enchanted because i could easily see her light gray coat and dark blue mane and tail with dark pink streaks in it. “Um I’m sorry who are you?” “Oh don't worry.” Princess Celestia said with a smirk, “You'll get to know her very well.” “What?” “Oh nothing.” Celestia said with a grin. After a few more apologies, I began to give out the few trinkets that I had brought back with me from earth. For the every merciful ruler, Princess Celestia, I gave her small tablet computer with an external battery. It would last a week or two with it on nonstop, but I guessed with her turning it off and on when needed, it would last much longer. And seeing that magic could recharge batteries when focused right, she could keep it going forever so long as she didn't break it. There where a few basic programs that im sure could help any ruler of a nation. Note taking, voice recorder, things any normal college student would have, so lots of games. Celestia could manipulate the stylus with her magic to control the tablet. She immediately stopped giving me that ‘I’m watching you’ look, plopped down on her flanks and was immediately lost to the wonderful world of Angry Birds. Twilight nearly broke every eardrum in the vicinity when I presented her with a cornucopia of text books from my planet. She grabbed every book that I had brought: history to accounting, government to health, military planning to cooking, she had every book swept up in her magical aurora and was on a full speed gallop back to the library. I turned to Rarity and handed her all of my sister’s old fashion magazines. Rarity immediately opened them and began pouring over the fashions of a different world, lost in the possibilities. I also gave her a bag of clothes ranging from tops to socks. She was lost for words and suddenly I was wrapped in a hug. Who said you can't bribe forgiveness. Rainbow Dash had been a hard choice. What would a speed demon like her, want what i had? That one took a while, so I brought her the one thing that might just make her happy. A GoPro helmet mounted camera. After showing her how to work it, I handed her the camera promising her that once it was full, and this one had over thirty gigs on it, to bring it to me and we would watch it and put it on a tape for her to keep. At least I hoped i could transfer the digital copy onto something that the ponies could watch regularly without my TV. Pinkie Pie… Well that was hard too. What do you give a party pony that could simply get whatever she wanted seemingly. I was lost at that too, until I thought about something that had happened long ago. The apple cider drinking game that showed me most pony alcohol was nearly soda compared to human stuff. Yup I brought her human alcoholic beverages. Pinkie Pie gasped as she stared at the box packed with beer, whisky, vodka, rum, bourbon, scotch, and plenty of glasses and mixers for the said drinks. Pinkie Pie only murmured at the liquid party before picking up a bottle of vodka and unscrewing the cap and giving it a deep sniff. She immediately went cross eyed and began to stumble around for a moment before smiling like a fool at me. “Ohhh, this is goingggg to be sooooooo great.” Another friend happy. Applejack stood in front of me with a cocky smile on her face. By now she saw my game. Bribing with gifts for the mending of friendships. “It’s going to take more than a gift to fix this one partner.” Applejack smiled, thinking she had won this round. “Then I guess you won't be needing this than.” I smiled as I pulled out a medium sized cardboard box. One eyebrow raised as she stared at the box. I could see curiosity starting to win over her logical sense. “Oh well, I guess Carrot Top might like it more.” “Now hang on just a minute.” Gotcha. “Yes Applejack?” I said with an innocent bat of my eyes. “What is it?” I opened the box and pulled out two small gadgets. Each one looked like a small handheld mirror with out the reflective surface. I flicked a small switch and a series of numbers popped onto the screen and a read out of the soil beneath us lit up the screen. “These little devices were developed to read the soil under it. It shows the soil’s make up, like what minerals are in it, and how much natural found water is held in it.” Applejack took the device from my outstretched hand and waved it over the soil, “What’s that?” She asked, pointing at a measurement line that had an arrow labeling a certain depth. “That shows you the ideal depth at which to plant the seed for maximum growth at the quickest rate.” I tapped a button on the touch screen, a list of plants popping up. “And you can even pick which plant you’re scanning for.” I picked ‘apples’ and the meter changed. “This thing is…” Applejack began to squeal in excitement, but quickly stopped when she saw me smiling at her. “It’s alright, but ah don’t think it even begins to fix what y’all went and done.” She looked at the device again, “But is sure a start.” Fluttershy was still standing there shuffling her hooves around in the grass. “Honored you didn't need to bring me anything. I understand why you left.” She looked up at me from behind her mane before quickly looking away again. “But I wish you had told us. We were worried sick!” “But I wanted to bring something back for each of you. I know what I did was sneaky and wrong, but… I’m sorry Fluttershy.” I reached into the back of the Humvee and came back with another box, which I placed in front of Fluttershy. I waited as she slowly walked up to it and opened the top. A smile spread across her face and a blush as she pulled out a fairly large stuffed plushie of herself. “It’s… it’s…” “Now you have somepony that can keep you safe in the dark.” I smiled at her. “Where did you get this?” FLuttershy asked while petting the plushie’s mane. “One of my friend’s gave it to me a while ago. I figured he might be happy knowing that it found a really good home.” I couldn't tell her that my friend had gotten for me because he knew that Fluttershy was my least favorite and it was done to secretly piss me off. In all fairness though, that wasn’t some bought at a toy store plushie. That was custom made one, with details and everything. I mean cutie marks on both sides of it! When that guy wanted to piss me off, he sure did it with gusto. With all the ponies gathered either busy with their new belongings or having left to try them out, i was left with just Luna and Celestia staring at me. “Luna I did get something for you.” I sighed and pulled out a small black velvet box from inside my pants pocket. “I wouldn't have been able to go without your help. So in a way, I owe everything to you.” I said looking away from the princess. I could feel my face heating up as I held the box out to her, wishing she would just hurry up and take the stupid thing. “Honored, I…” “Can you just open it already!” I blurted out, quickly trying to hide my blushing face. I felt Luna’s magic tug the box out of my hand and i looked over at the alicorn. She slowly opened the hinged top and gasped. Suddenly i was jerked into the air and pulled into Luna’s outstretched forehooves. If i wasn't red enough before, I sure was now. Suddenly i found something warm pressed against the side of my face. Luna was planting a huge kiss on my cheek. I looked straight ahead in shock as I watched Celestia smile and hold the tablet up in front of her. CLICK “Oh that’s going to be my wallpaper.” She said while giggling at the photo. The strange human held in the magical grasp of her sister who was planting a kiss on his cheek while he was turning bright red. Held also in Luna’s magical grasp was silver chain pendant. At the bottom of it was small black rock held to the chain by a silver mount. But the most amazing thing was inside of the black stone. There was a glowing aura of blood red magic. Two Weeks Later “So that’s why you brought that thing back?” Twilight said brushing a wing against the side of the Humvee. “And you want me to do what with it?” “It runs off of an oil type substance okay, and that’s going to run out soon, so I need help converting it to run of magic or something like that. Anything really.” I said while pouring the last reserve tank of diesel into the fuel tank. “Well maybe if somepony had not just drove it around in circles in the field…” Twilight began, but a snap from my fingers and a blood red bubble formed around me, shielding me from her lecture. Twilight leaned back and stabbed the bubble with her horn before glaring at me. She must be getting tired of me learning magic so fast. “I wish you would apply yourself in staying out of trouble like you do learning new magic.” She said while looking over the engine of the truck again. “And I could figure something out for it, but it seems you already owe me for disappearing without telling us anything.” “Oh come on.” I whined falling to my knees in front of the younger princess. “Please your highness, I’ll do anything for you.” “Anything?” “Nearly anything!” I said falling to my chest and trying to plant kisses on her hooves. Twilight danced in place making it hard to grab her hoof and plant it with slobbery kisses. “Good. Then come with me, you have a meeting to attend to.” Twilight said, turning around sharply and then walking out of the owning beside my house where I kept both cars. Well, soon only one would be there. The Firebird wasn’t for me to keep. I still had one more gift to give. “Okay now go in, and please try to act nice.” Twilight said while gesturing to the library front door. “Oh and I'm going to need this too.” She quickly took my double shoulder holster rig off, relieving me of my Berretta and my single action Colt revolver and its ammo. “Hey! Why are you taking my stuff!?” I shouted out, grabbing for my weapons hovering above my head. “I’m sorry, you owe me what?” She said, the weapons disappearing in a flash and ‘pop’. “The princesses are waiting for you.” She opened the door and shoved me in with a quick burst of magic. I stumbled into the dark library and heard the door slam shut behind me and then the door lock. The lights came on and I found myself standing in front of Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, who was wearing the pendant I had given her as a thanks. I had infused the simple obsidian stone with a flare of my magic to let it constantly glow deep red. “So what did I do this time?” I asked with a sigh. “I haven’t done anything in the last two weeks. I’ve been good and stayed literally in my house the whole time organizing my defenses and playing with my gear like a good little soldier on vacation.” “Yes and we are very proud of you for that.” Celestia said with her motherly voice, but her eyes seemed to say something incredibly different. “And that’s what you were supposed to do while you built a portal to another world without us knowing. So what could you have done in two weeks of no reports or actions that deemed us getting reports of.” “Nothing! I’m serious.” I said looking to Luna for any type of support. But she seemed to just smile at me. Gee, thanks for the help pony who was supposed to be infatuated with me. “Honored I believe you.” Celestia said, “But only because we have had somepony watching you everyday.” “Wait what?” I stammered out. “You mean like all the time?” “All. The. Time.” Celestia said, her smile growing dangerously large. “Honored as punishment for your recent… actions… we have chosen a handler for you.” “A what?” I said suddenly realizing that nothing i did now would be without the princesses direct knowledge of it. “A handler.” Luna said with a smile, “Their job is to make sure that you don't do anything that we would seem… wrong.” That last word had a hint of… something that made me shudder. “And the best part is their special armor is enchanted so they can become anypony they want.” “Changeling armor?” I said suddenly wanting some Changeling enchanted tech. “Exactly.” Celestia said, “We have had their armor enchanted with Changeling magic so they can watch you anywhere you go and you’ll never be none the wiser.” “Then why tell me?” I said with my trademarked deadpan stare. “So maybe you’ll think twice before doing something like this again.” Celestia quickly hovered the tablet in front of my face with a photo of me laying on my bed naked, with half of the new weapons i brought back with me covering the bed and my crotch. I quickly grabbed at the tablet, but Celestia had it next to her before i could do anything. “Fine.” I grumbled. “Good. Now get out there and try to solve friendship problems without violence.” Celestia chuckled looking at the tablet again. “When do I get to go back on the Guard?” I said while slowly being pushed out of the library by a golden aurora. “Oh, that,” Celestia said without much thought, “You were reenlisted into the roaster over a month ago, but you never bothered to come check missions available for you to accept.” “WHAT!?!?” I screamed as I reached out and grabbed ahold of the door frame leading out of the library, Celestia’s magic still trying to force me out. “Yeah, I guess we should send them here to you, since you don't live at the barracks anymore.” Celestia said with a yawn. “YA’ THINK?” I yelled as I was flung out of the library and landed on the ground outside of the giant tree. I looked at the ponies staring at me and realized one of them was my handler. I quickly shot my hand up and gave them all the finger for good measure.