//------------------------------// // Episode 12 [Iron Will]: Jon's simple request // Story: The Daily Show presents: Equestrian Interviews // by Daily Show Ponies //------------------------------// With a full stomach Jon plopped himself in the armchair located behind the desk of his study. He was tempted to just sit there for awhile but he knew if he did he'd fall asleep. It wasn't that late but he was already starting to feel the effects of his wife's cooking. Getting back to business he picked up his study phone and began to dial a series of numbers that only he knew. While the phone rang he gently rubbed his stomach and took a deep breath, finally after it seemed like no one would pick up voice finally answered. "Hello and thank you for calling the Equestrian pizza emporium." Celestia clearly said. "May I take your order?" Jon paused for a second wondering if his royal friend was being serious or not. If she was trying to pull a prank she was doing it wrong on so many levels. Clearing his throat he decided then and there to show her how it's done. "סלסטיה יש תחת גדול ושמן!" Jon said. He was speaking in Hebrew which caused the tone of his voice to change drastically. "והכתר שלה עשוי מפלסטיק!" "OH! I'm sorry but I believe you have the wrong number." She said sounding very apologetic. "I do apologize for this inconvenience." "Celestia it's me...Jon." He said, his voice once again to its normality. "And FYI when you make the 'pretend you've called a pizza place’ joke you're supposed to change your voice NOT talk normally." There was a silence on the other end of the phone but Jon could swear he heard her blush. "I-I see, well I thank you for your input." She said now sounding more professional. "Now then...did you need my help with something, Jon?" "Yeah I want to place an order of half peperoni and half mushrooms." Jon teased. "But seriously yes I do need your assistance with-- uh, but first I'd like to perform a little social experiment if I may?" "Oh, of course," She said. "Sounds rather exciting really." "Alright just bear with me for a moment," Jon said, thinking about how to phrase his question. "I want...I want you to give me five random names of people you know. It can anyone from a family member to one of your subjects from Ponyville but you can only pick five....and GO!" "Very well let me think," She responded, pausing for a moment to give it some though. "Alright then...how about: Twilight, Granny Smith, Sapphire Shores, Golden Harvest, and...let's say Nurse Redheart." "Good, now tell me...what are the genders of those five individuals?" Jon asked. Celestia took a second to recall her answers. "Hmmmm...they are all female now that you mention it." She answered. She was now starting to see where Jon was going with this line of questioning. "Exactly my point." Jon said, throwing his feet on his desk. "And what point would that be?" Celestia ask. "That 'Equestrian Interviews' has neglected a particular interest group...men." He answered only to stop and think of how odd it sounded. "Huh...this must be how woman feel all time over here...Equestria really is in Bizarro world." "Well Jon…I will admit that is a problem but do need I remind you that you're the one who picks the guests?" She asked trying to sound not at all abrasive. "Besides you're first guest was spike...I'll admit I may not be an expert on Dragon anatomy but I am certain he is male." "Ok it's true that I'm the one who picks the guest but you got to admit the odds are pretty stacked against me." Jon said picking up the list of names Celestia had given to him when they first met. "I mean I'm willing to bet that there are way more woman than men written available to me...I'd guess about an 8:1 ratio?" "Hmmm...yes that does seem about right." Celestia humbly admitted. “You see my point then? My show has become the opposite of a sausage fest.” Jon said. "Oh and as far as Spike goes…he’s great...but if I had a choice I'd also like a male guest who's already hit puberty." "Well you do have a choice," She said cheerfully. "And if you really need a man in your life that badly I'll be happy to assist you." "Thanks?" Jon said. "But uh...yeah for my next guest I'd like someone who is...a real man...you know?" "I see...and what exactly is your definition of a 'real man.'" Celestia asked before taking a sip of her tea. "Well let's see," he said. "Big, strong, has a penis...you know the basics." Jon didn't hear it but Celestia almost choked on her beverage." "I...I see." Celestia said taking a deep breath. "Well luckily for you I have the perfect candidate." "Really?" Jon asked. "Oh indeed!" She said with a slight grin. "His name is Big Mac...Applejack's older brother. I believe you'll find he possesses all the...qualifications you mentioned earlier." Ordinarily Jon would have blindly accepted her suggestion without a second thought but this time he knew better. The thought of interviewing Big Mac gave him chills. "Nice try your royal Highness!" Jon said. "But I've talked to him before...if possible I'd like a guest who'll say more than two words." "Yes I suppose that would be in your best interest." Celestia said, sounding almost disappointing. "I guess that rules out Snowflake as well." "Beg pardon?" He asked. "Oh, never mind; just a thought." She responded. "Look...If you could find me someone who's big and strong like Big Mac but who's also a bit of a loud mouth that would be perfect." Jon joked not expecting she'd take it seriously. "Well...actually there is somepony like that," She answered honestly. "Yes I believe I know the perfect guest for you!" "Is that right?" He said in a suspicious tone. "Yes indeed, we've actually spoken about him before...do you remember Iron Will?" She asked. "Vaguely." He answered. "Isn't he a minotaur?" "Yes he is but he's also a motivational speaker." She answered. "I would imagine you'd be hard pressed to find another man who talks as much as he does." "Sounds good to me!" Jon said, standing up. "Can I ask him in person...I've never met a Minotaur before." "Unfortunately that won't be an option this time." Celestia said. "You see he makes his living going from place to place so it's difficult to pin point where exactly he is at any given time." "Oh I see." He said sitting back down. "But not to worry I'll use a spell to locate him myself and have him in your studio by morning." She added. "And if he says ‘no?’" Jon asked trying to cover all his basses. "Oh I don't that's going to happen." She assured him. "Why is that?" He asked. "Because if I know him as well as I think I do he'll just be dying for the chance to appear on TV." Celestia answered. Taking her word for it Jon agreed to the arrangement and after saying their goodbyes hung up the phone. With a tired yawn he made his way to the door where he stopped briefly to look over at his small book shelf. Fueled by curiosity he walked over to grab his book of mythical creatures that he had on hand. A few turned pages later he was once again looking at the passage for Minotaurs. Looking back at him was the same frightening image of a half man half bull creatures wielding an axe. "Yeesh," Jon said to himself. "I hope he's friendly."