//------------------------------// // Episode 11 [Rainbow Dash]: Honey I'm home // Story: The Daily Show presents: Equestrian Interviews // by Daily Show Ponies //------------------------------// While Twilight was off gathering the equipment needed to send Jon back home the rest of the gang were busying keeping themselves entertained. Rainbow Dash was up on the one highest bookshelves going through different novels, desperately looking for the latest issue of "Daring Do" that Twilight insisted she didn't have yet. While Jon and Spike were busy catching up on lost times. "Wow really!?" Spike exclaimed. "My interview is still the most watched one?" "Well...most watched online, yes." Jon answered as he got up to stretch and yawn. "It's not all that surprising...I mean you were my very first Equestrian Interviewee." Spike rocked back and forth with a smile on his face that could block out the sun. "Enjoy it while it lasts, little dude." Rainbow Dash called out from on high. "Because once I go on the air tomorrow everypony out there will be talking about yours truly for days." "Which reminds me," Jon said while putting his hands in his pocket. "The second I get back home I need to tell the boys to set up the stage for your arrival...I'll probably have my assistant...draw...up some--" The sound of something squishing in Jon's pocket made him slowly stop talking, whatever it was the texture was unappealing and cold to the touch. "Oh god what?" He said as he emptied his pockets releasing a flow of mud that was left over from his free falling mishap. "That's just what I needed...uh sorry bout the mess, guys." Spike ran off to go get the items necessary to clean up the spill, insisting that he would clean it up himself. Jon would have offered to help in cleaning the mess he made but he was too tired to lift a finger. As Spike finished mopping of the mud he noticed something had been left behind, it was Jon's wallet which he had accidentally dropped on the ground along with the mud. Out curiosity he picked it up and began to look at it's contents without Jon's permission. In particular he was looking at the pictures that were neatly encased in protective plastic. "Hey Jon?" Spike asked, pointing to a group shot. "Who are these people?" Before Jon could answer Twilight walked over and pulled Spike aside by his ear with her magic. "Spike, what have I told you about going through things that don't belong to you!?" She scolded. "It's quite alright, I don't mind." Jon said with a hardy, albeit tired laugh. He grabbed Spike, who was rubbing his own ear, and placed him on his lap. "That was a picture of my family," he answered. Opening his wallet he began to show Spike more pictures he had stashed away. "See? Aaaand these are my kids....that's my youngest one Maggie, she's six...and this is Nathan who's eight years old now." Jon proceeded to show Spike more pictures of his son and daughter, both individually and as a group. When he was much younger Jon always swore he would never be "that guy." The kind of person who went around showing people photos of his own children, but time had a way of changing people. "Heh heh, cute kids." Spike said as he flipped through picture after picture, eventually stopping at one. "...so who's this lady?" Jon looked over at the picture of the woman Spike was pointing to. "Oh her," Jon said with a genuine smile. "That would be my beautiful wife Tracey...we've been married for over ten years now and I swear to you I love her more each and every day." "Awww, how sweet!" Twilight said while Rainbow Dash continued to look at a book she found. She was pretending to not listen to what they were saying, but that didn't stop her from making gagging noises and Jon's sentimental declaration. "Yeah I know it's corny but that woman is my entire life." Jon went on. "I'm a very lucky man." Spike continued to look at the picture of Tracey before going back to talking with Jon, this time at a much lower voice. "So...what's it like?" Spike asked, in a slightly gloomy tone. "What's it like knowing that you've...you know, found your soul mate?" Jon wondered if it was wise to talk about such things with a child but in his sleep deprived state he saw no harm in it. "Well spike it's the greatest feeling in the world," he said. "Waking up every morning with the person you know you want to spend the rest of your life with is a feeling like no other." Spiked rubbed his arm and looked away like he was thinking of someone. "But hey chin up little man," he said giving Spike a playful chuck on the arm. "It'll happen to you someday too." "Oh uh, I...I don't care about that kinda stuff!" Spike announced before leaning in to whisper. "You really think so?" . "Sure I do but if you ask me you shouldn't be worrying that kind of stuff for a least another couple years....I mean you're young, try enjoying the single life as long as possible." Jon said jokingly. "I was almost forty when I got married and brother let me tell you sometimes I miss being a bachelor." Now having most of her ingredients ready Twilight walked up to Jon but didn't interrupt him, she wanted to make sure he was done speaking to Spike. "Both me and Tracey are career driven adults so we have little time for anything else," he continued. "My little girl is about to start kindergarten and just the other day my son told me he wants to grow up to be a professional basketball player, and I have to somehow break it to him that he's Jewish." "Wow...sounds like being a parent is a lot of hard work." Twilight said, wanting to add something to the conversation. "You bet your cutie mark it is," Jon replied. "But I mean you know all about that don't ya, Twilight?" "What do you mean, Jon?" She asked with a confused look about her. "Well I mean...aren't you Spike's mother?" He added. His bold assumptions caused Spike to drop Jon's wallet on the ground and Twilight to crinkle her nose in surprise. "W-why Jon please don't say such things," Twilight said nervously as her faced turned a shade of red. "I'm much too young to be anypony's mother." "Oh well then excuse me for assuming but if I recall correctly didn't you hatch him from an egg?" Jon asked curiously and with a raised eyebrow. "Well I mean yes I suppose I did," Twilight said as fiddled with her glass of water. "But you see I did so by using magic, I um...I'm not his biological mother." Jon made sure to cover Spike's ears (Or at least what he thought was Spike's ear) before continuing. "Well obviously I mean I doubt your brave enough to do it with a dragon...nor do I believe a dragon would be desperate enough to do it with a pony," Jon said causing Rainbow Dash to burst out laughing in the distance. "But tell me who: raises him, feeds him, cleans him, and on occasion has to punish him?" Twilight didn't even have to think about it. "I do." She answered, her voice laced with a hint of pride. "Well there you have it...look I'm not advocating for anyone to be parents at a young age, all I'm saying is you meet all the qualification for being a mother." He said as she gently rubbed the top of Spike's head. "And from what I can tell, based on your handiwork here, you make a pretty damn good one too." Neither Twilight or Spike said anything, they merely looked at each other then at Jon to give him a smile that seemed to say "thank you." The mood was broken by Rainbow Dash dive bombing her way into the middle of the room. "Alright, alright, enough of this mushy stuff!" She demanded, as she pointed at Twilight. "How much longer till we can get Johnny back home?" Twilight snapped out of it just long enough to remember what she wanted to tell Jon. "Oh right I forgot," she said as she walked over to her various spread out goods. "I've compiled all the necessary ingredients for the spell...I just need to time to mix it all together and to focus my magic." "And how long will that take?" Jon asked as he approached her. "Oh I'd say somewhere in the neighborhood of twenty four hours," she answered. "In the mean time you can stay in the guest bedroom away from prying eyes. I believe we have a--" "Twenty four hours!" Jon yelled surprising all in the room. "Why the hell is this spell going to take so long? I need to be back in New York now!" "I'm...I'm sorry Jon," Twilight said. "But...the thing is teleporting somepony from one world to another is a lot of work...especially if it's to the human world...I'll need time to prepare." "But...I, but you teleported me to New York before!" He pleaded. "Remember the last time I was here!? And back then you did so in a few short minutes!" "Yes and I'm still recovering from that day. When I was scheduled to appear on your show I teleported you home once and myself twice, to and from New York...it took so much magic to do all that...magic that I'm still building back up." Twilight explained. "The truth is it took almost everything I had to get that far, so if I'm going to do this spell I need to make sure nothing goes wrong hence the extra amount of time. If done incorrectly I might only teleport a fraction of you, not to mention I'm still not used to the layout of your world...visualization plays a key role in teleporting." Panic began to set in on Jon at the thought of missing his show's deadline, a fear that was also shared by Rainbow Dash. "Oh come one Egg-head you gotta think of something!" She begged. "If Johnny doesn't get back in time I don't get my time slot!" "Twilight...is there anything you can do to speed up the process?" Jon pleaded. "Hmmm well...there is one thing I can do." Twilight wondered out loud. "Part of the reason why sending both you and me to your show last time was so stressful was because I had pinpointed our location to a single square inch of space...but if I broaden the parameters of your destination It'll put less stress on me and I could send you home right now." Jon now found himself slightly more hopeful. "That's it? That's all you have to do?" Jon asked anxiously, "Well yes but he only drawback is instead of appearing in your house like last time you'll probably end up in the general area." She explained. "Hey as long as I'm in New York and not Zimbabwe I'll consider it a victory!" Jon said. "Let's make it happen." Twilight hesitantly agreed and began to charge her horn. Jon too prepared by saying his farewells to Rainbow Dash and Spike. "Alright guys I'll see you later," Jon said shaking Rainbow Dash's hoof and giving Spike one last hug. In no time at all Twilight's horn was radiating large amounts of magic. She had stabilized it much faster than Trixie had. Taking his place in front of Twilight he closed his eyes. "Oh and remember!" Jon announced so everyone could hear him. "I was never here." Everyone nodded and with a deep breath Twilight released her magic in the form of a bright light that engulfed the room then disappeared taking Jon with it. Using all that magic at once caused Twilight to stagger sideways. She would have fallen down in the process were it not for Spike who rushed to her side. "Think he made it ok?" Spike asked. "We'll soon find out." Twilight answered. In an instant Jon could feel a cold air all around him followed by the sound of sirens and the unmistakable stench of urine soaked streets...he was finally home. Jon opened his eyes expecting to see his neighborhood but to his surprise he didn't recognize where he was...at least not at first. He looked around and noticed that this was indeed New York it just wasn't exactly where he wanted to be. Jon scouted the area for any kind of distinguishable landmarks till he eventually and to his utter dismay found one...a sign that said 82nd street. When he looked across from him he saw a familiar building, the Holy Trinity Roman Catholic Church...Twilight had teleported Jon not to his home in lower Tribeca but instead all the way up north in the Upper west side of Manhattan. Almost ten miles from his preferred destination...she wasn't joking when she said she would "broaden the parameters." "Unicorns these days." Jon said to himself. Without his phone he had no way of contacting a cab so for the most part he had to walk it back home; he checked his watch, it was almost two o'clock in the morning. Jon grimaced as he forced himself to walk forward. But just as he was about to head out a couple off to the side of him got his attention when they dropped their bags. It was a young German couple with large backpacks, tourists obviously, who had just witnessed Jon appear from thin air. They stood there mouths agape, their eyes a mixture of wonder and fear for what they just witnessed. Jon was in no mood. "Oh get over it, it’s just a simple teleportation spell." he said as he staggered on. At about halfway home Jon managed to find a cab driver who was on duty. Even though driving people around was his job and it itself no big deal Jon praised the cabbie like he was a deity who had answered his prayers. Despite being spared the torture that was having to walk any further Jon was already tired to the point of collapsing. Finally he made it home. He was sure no one would be up at this hour and just as well because he had some unfinished business to take care of before he got the luxury of going to bed. Two pieces of business in fact: one was contacting Princess Celestia and the other pounding a certain Unicorn into the ground like a lawn ornament. Jon very lazily opened the front door and was immediately greeted by his wife who had waited for him on the couch all night. She was worried when he didn't come home at his usual time or called in to let her know he was ok. "Oh honey there you are," she said, running up to give him a hug only to stop once she saw how tattered he looked. "What the hell happened to you...did you get--" "Where is she?" Jon said interrupting his wife mid sentence as he walked pass the threshold. "'She?'" Tracey said, "Who? You mean Trixie?" "Yeah where is she I need to...have a little chat with her." Jon said his eyes lifeless and tired. "She's upstairs in bed why?" She asked. Jon didn't answer instead he quickly though quietly made his way to the guest bedroom where he flung the door open and turned on the lights...no one was there. "Wrong bed?" Tracey whispered from behind Jon, now motioning to the next door over. Jon was confused, the bedroom she was pointing to was the kid's room. Like a ninja Jon very stealthily opened the kid’s bedroom door just enough so he could peak inside without having the hallway light shine in on them. One bed was unoccupied while the other had three figures laying in it. Once Jon's eyes adjusted to the dark he could see that in one of the kid's bed were both Maggie and Nathan sleeping, with Trixie caught in the middle. Maggie was holding Trixie from behind like an oversized teddy bear while Nathan used her stomach as a pillow. Jon looked back over at his wife who explained the situation. According to her while Jon was out the kids went to bed early at the behest of Trixie. But half way through their bed time Maggie had a nightmare and was too scared to go to back to bed while Nathan out of loneliness didn't want to sleep till Jon returned home. Tracey was still worried by that fact that her husband was still missing; so to help ease everyone's worry Trixie had agreed to comfort the kids by laying with them in the same bed till they went to sleep. This way the kids had company while Tracey waited on Jon. When Jon asked why Trixie didn't just leave after the kids went to sleep Tracey went on to explain that her plan worked too well. She figured that if she left in the middle of the night it would cause such a disturbance that they would wake back up. Not wanting to risk that she decided to stay in bed with them, both to make sure if they did wake up she would be there to comfort them and of course for the sake of their health since they needed their sleep. The once rage filled eyes of Jon gave way and his heart began to melt. As mad as he was towards her he just didn't have it in him to stay sore at someone who looked after and loved his own kids as much as he did. Jon always had the biggest soft spot for his family and subsequently those who helped protect them. She may not be perfect but with Trixie around Jon knew his kids were safe and that was worth any number of free falling accidents. Quietly closing the door Jon turned and gave his wife a kiss on the cheek and told her that he would join her in bed very soon and would explain everything in the morning. He shuffled over to his study and, lacking his cell phone, grabbed his study phone where he began to dial Celestia's number. It ringed longer than usual but eventually someone picked up. "Greetings Jon. Calling a little late aren't we?" Celestia said cheerfully. "So to what do I owe the--" "Rainbow Dash." Jon Interrupted. "Oh..I beg your pardon, Jon?" She asked. "I want Rainbow Dash on my show." Jon repeated. "I see...a little straight to the point today aren't we?" She said still rather surprised by his tone of voice. "Would you...like to go ask her in person or shall I do it?" "Oh god no!" Jon said, his voice thick with apathy. "I don't...I just...please...Rainbow Dash." "Very well then I'll ask her myself," Celestia said sounding concerned. "But tell me Jon...are you alright?" "Yes I'm...just fine, I...just...Rainbow Dash." Jon repeated "Well alright then," She continued sounding curious. "Is there anything else you want me to--" Jon hung up the second he was convinced that business was done. He knew cutting a princess couldn't be good in terms of karma but at this point he didn't care, all he wanted was to go to sleep. "I'll send her flowers and an apology card." Jon thought as he dragged himself across the hallway. He quickly glanced back over at the children's room and rubbed his tired face. He reflected on how this was probably one of the most stressful days of his life. Eventually after almost collapsing in the hallway he was now in his bedroom where is wife was already undressed and under the covers. Without a second thought he threw himself on his mattress, ruined suit and all, waiting for the sleep to take a hold of him. "Next time...I'll just accept the rejection letter." He said as he closed his eyes.