//------------------------------// // Episode 16 [Changeling]: Please welcome to the show Ryne, a Changeling // Story: The Daily Show presents: Equestrian Interviews // by Daily Show Ponies //------------------------------// Series: Equestrian interviews Interviewer: Jon Stewart Guest: Ryne the Changeling (DJ Pygmalion) Date: ??? Location: Daily Show headquarters 733 11th Avenue Manhattan, NY 10019 THIS IS THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART Every time someone from Equestria was to be interviewed by Jon on his show, he found that, for the most part, he wasn’t the one who spent the most time with them. In actuality he would, on average, only interact with them for about thirty minutes while his staff and crew would prep them backstage for hours, and it was during these behind-the-scenes interactions that the Daily Show employee’s learned just as much about the guest as Jon did on stage, if not more. For example: It was only while getting Ryne ready for his debut appearances did the good people at Daily Show headquarters learn about the redundancy of having a makeup department filled with Cosmetology professionals when dealing with someone who can change their appearance. At first, one woman proposed the idea of covering Ryne’s entire body with a type of cream that would make his black exterior easier to see on camera. A valid idea until he carefully explained to them that this wouldn’t be necessary since he would be in his DJ Pygmalion form for the entire interview. That, and even if he did want to go on TV in his Changeling state, he could just simply change the tone of his body like a chameleon. The second needless application on the part of the staff was when a group of college interns suggested that some work should be done on his face, as it still showed signs of bruises and cuts from when he and Jon had met. After explaining that it was all a misunderstanding, Ryne then proceeded to use his unique magic ability to give the appearance that his face was in fact untarnished. The blemishes were still present, but no one could see them, rendering any further input on the makeup girls entirely pointless. So, for the remainder of the time that would have been spent delicately applying makeup, was instead used by various Daily Show crew members requesting that Ryne change to look like their favorite celebrities or cartoon characters, only to have their suggestions politely declined. While this was going on, Jon was busy with his own form of pre-show preparations. For the majority of the time leading up to an actual tapping or airing, he would either work out some last minute ideas with his writers or, if the script was just right, do some rehearsals on the stage while the cameras were off. This time however, he was held up in his office while a desperate Celestia pleaded for him to reconsider his stance of having a Changeling on the Show. She begged him to allow Ryne’s extraction and tried to convince him that this was a huge mistake and that he was way over his head. But like with congress, Republicans, and his wife after the time he suggested a new position, Jon would not negotiate, compromise, or give in. Although she was adamantly against the idea, she respected Jon enough to not take away his guest from his own world without his direct approval. After she exhausted every possible excuse for not having Ryne on the show, Jon carefully explained his plan to her... this in turn only made her dislike the idea even more and rehash every point she had previously made, only now with a louder voice. Jon carefully, though insistently, explained to Celestia what was going to happen, what he was expecting to happen afterwards, and, most importantly, why he was doing it in the first place. It wasn’t until Jon explained the “why” portion of his plan did she finally give up trying to convince him otherwise and gave him her blessings. With their friendship still intact, and a royal guarantee of what would happen after the show, the two of them went about their business. To be honest, for all his defending and grandstanding of his own idea, Jon was still unsure if what he was doing was entirely on the level. Sure, in his mind, he knew what he was doing was in just cause, but his gut still turned over the idea. It wasn’t until he thought about another pony he had on his show... a pony who was also misunderstood and was currently waiting for him back in Equestria, did Jon throw away any assemblance of doubt into the darkest corners of his mind. Even with Jon’s previous announcement over twitter that tonight’s interview wouldn't be Equestrian, live, or filmed, quite a few people showed up outside the building anyways. Most of them were unaware of the show’s scheduling, or it’s now rescheduled slot appearance, and were then granted entry out of sheer dumb luck. This meant that the sound of people chanting, yelling, and applauding was heard throughout most of the building as the camera zoomed in on Jon after the opening segment to the sound of music and the announcer assuring those who were to watch this later on that this was indeed “The Daily Show.” And it was this same level of enthusiasm that also greeted Jon when that very same camera did it’s usual sweep before zooming in on him after the second commercial break ended, meaning that what came next was the main event. “Hey Welcome back to the Daily Show my Guest tonight.” Jon struggled to yell over the crowd. “He is a musician from Equestria and a shape shifter from the colony of Changelings.” “I bet our guy was the one on the left.” Jon joked, after pretending to be awoken from his trance. Please welcome to the show DJ Pygmalion, also known as Ryne the Changeling.” The camera did it’s usual transition to the side of the stage where it took a good few seconds before someone emerged from behind the scenes. Eventually though, a lone figure began to walk out into the light while the crowd cheered for things to get started alongside the sound of overhead music. What the crowd saw was a Unicorn slowly and cautiously making it’s way to the main desk as if the stage was layered with hot coals. Jon wasn’t surprised to see that Ryne had decided to come out for his taped interview under his DJ persona, even after he had been outed. For now, though, he was content with letting him stay like this. For the most part, Ryne’s eyes were locked onto Jon as he made his way to the very center of the stage, but at one point, when he was a few feet away from the desk, he looked to the audience who were yelling at him. Not out of anger, but out of anticipation, which as a DJ he was no stranger to, but this time... felt different. The cheering began to subside once Jon shook Ryne’s hoof and the two took their respective seats. Ryne himself didn’t think he’d actually get this far in his ‘plan’ to speak his mind about Changelings which made him briefly think that perhaps this was all just some kind of dream. The sound of Jon’s opening snapped him out of whatever euphoric trance which had brought him up to this point. “Thank you very much for being here, Mr. Pygmalion.” Jon said as he sat down and motioned for his guest to do the same. “Now just so the, uh... the, uh, audience at home can... can, can, can get an idea of what we’re dealing with here... That’s not your... your real name and this isn’t your real form... is it?” “Err... no it isn’t, M-m-mister Stewart, uh, Jon, I mean, if you prefer-” Ryne struggled since he assumed that Jon wouldn't bring up this point so soon. With a sigh, he stopped to catch his breath and glance over at the bewildered audience as Jon just stared at him. “Umm... w-was that my cue?” The members of the audience who weren’t still fixated on what Jon has hinted at laughed at the guest’s awkward demeanor. “So help me god. Ryne, if you mess this up, I will have both you and me go backstage and start all over again if I have to!” Jon teased in a tone he thought wasn’t too serious sounding. “Alright, alright!” Ryne pleaded as his face tensed up, causing the hidden bruises suffered at the hands of Jon to burn. “Honestly though, don’t worry... you’re doing fine” Jon assured him as he straightened his suit and sat up tall. “And since we’re in the business of changing names, here and there, I uh, am no longer Jon Stewart. You may call me Han Solo.” “Hand-sir-what-now?” Ryne asked with a confused look about him. “Han... Han Solo... you know: George Lucas, Empire strikes back, New Hope?” Jon listed which still got him a look of confusion. Jon would have continued to give examples, but doing so would have been as productive as talking to a brick wall. “...Ryne... you do know what ‘Star Wars’ is... right?” “Umm... well... I... ” Ryne mumbled as he tried his best to conjure all the knowledge he had ever absorbed by watching programs from the human world, which, considering signal strength and his not owning of a TV, meant it wasn’t very much. Even still, he didn’t want to disappoint so he tried his best. “I mean s-sure I know who Han Solo is! He's uh... he's... isn't he that guy from the mesothelioma commercials?" “Get the hell off of my stage.” Jon sneered in an obviously fake tone which got him nothing but laughter from the audience and a blush out of his guest. It was only after the room became quiet again did Jon return to his previous topic point. “In uh... in all seriousness though... the reason I wanted you... here today is because I want to talk with the real you... I know this is sort of a taboo thing for uh... for the-- for your species, but could you show the folks at home... who you really are?” The idea of outing himself to millions upon millions of complete strangers, and indeed everyone he knew back home, was a scenario that Ryne never even considered when he first thought about smuggling himself into Jon’s world. Since the day he left the colony, he always had the mentality of making sure no one ever found out he was in fact one of Chrysalis’ children. That mentality still followed him even now so in a cynical attempt to avoid this, he decided to stall for time by any means necessary. “W-well, I’m not a stripper, Jon.” Ryne blurted with shifty eyes. “I-I can’t just start flashing a crowd the instant you tell me to.” “Okay... there are two points in your last statement that I feel needs to, uh, be addressed... One: I think it’s adorable that you assume anyone, besides stoners and nerdy political science majors, actually watch this show... ” Jon listed as he held a single finger in the air. “And two... Oh my god, there are strippers in Equestria!” This hitherto unknown piece of information was just enough for Jon to momentarily forget about what he was trying to accomplish and instead take notice while the crowd cheered and hooted. “Y-yeah well... Okay look, have you ever wanted to see what Tartarus is like?” Ryne asked with a now serious face and tone that could’ve only been created from experience. “Go to an Equestrian night club. I mean... w-we’re all technically naked, so it takes a certain level of crazy to... raise a few brows back home.” “What I want to know is-- I mean, you seem to be pretty well versed in the ins and outs with these types of establishments.” Jon hinted with a raised eyebrow and change in pitch as he pressed his finger against his lips. “Mind sharing with the rest of the class how you, you, you know of such things.” “As much as I don’t want to say, I started off DJing at a... rather provocative outing, where positive emotions... are in excess.” Ryne admitted as he cringed to himself. “And I couldn't exactly go up to somepony and say ‘Hey, mind letting me possibly sucking all the happiness out of your life?’ “As a native, I should point out that you might be surprised at how many women in this city would fall for that line.” Jon joked getting a quick laugh from the audience. “What I’m trying to say is, it wasn’t a good place to be known for your music, but... starvation wasn’t an option for me.” Ryne continued “When you’re starting off life as an insectoid shape-shifter that subsists on emotion, you don’t have that much options.” “AHA! So you ARE a Changeling!” Jon pointed his finger and yelled causing his guest to flinch. With his own plan backfiring, Ryne was now left with a gaping mouth and restless legs. “You, uh... you really get to the point about these types of things, don’t you?” Ryne pursed his lips as he rubbed the back of his head. “I’ll remind you, we only have like five to seven minutes here.” Jon coughed as he pointed to an imaginary watch on his wrist. “W-well... If you say so... ” Ryne sighed as he closed his eyes to concentrate. The audience had long since navigated themsevles to the edge of their seats before a bright teal burst of light flashed over Ryne, immediately transforming him into the creature of black tone and sharp fangs, otherwise known as a Changeling. The process was so quick that the crowd didn’t even have time to register it. So, for a few moments, they were left too shocked to say anything. Even Ryne himself was surprised he actually did what he did. Also, since this interview would eventually be aired for the world to see, this was also the first time he revealed himself to those he knew back home. Rather than feeling relieved for coming clean, being in his Changeling form just made him feel dirty. “So... hope you’re satisfied. I’m... myself now.” Ryne gulped as he waited for the sound of the men and women present in the building to start audibly expressing their disgust, but to his surprise... it never happened. Ryne’s attention was now seized by the sound of humans jumping to their feet and shouting as loudly as they could, as if doing so would give them free money. Seeing an actual shape shifter was not something every human could say they’ve experienced seeing so, to see him effortlessly change his appearance was enough for them to cheer him on, begging for more. This acceptance caught Ryne by surprise; about the only thing he could do was stare confused as to why they weren’t horrified by him. Once the crowd’s cheering began to dissipate at the request of Jon who was motioning for them to settle down, the interview continued. “You know what, now... that I’ve given it some thought.” Jon said as he leaned back in his chair. “...I like your other look better.” Again, the audience began to audibly express themselves, only this time by laughing at Ryne who was still too shocked by all that was occurring to say anything himself. “So, this is your real form?” Jon asked and continued before getting a response. “I must say the difference between the two is... is amazing and... so can you-- so you can change your appearance to look... like anyone?” His question was met with more uncertainty on Ryne’s part who had remained silent for awhile now. Jon tilting his head in anticipation caused him to speak. “Oh, uh, YES!” Ryne blurted as he adjusted himself in his seat and stretched his wings. “I-I-If I get a good enough look at them... Yes, I could look like anypony.” “Okay... okay... so when you say... anypony... that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re limited to just your own species right?” Jon ventured with a deviant look about him. “I mean if you wanted to, to, to I bet you could look like anyone... anyone.” “You’re not thinking of... doing something with that, are you?” Ryne asked, feeling now slightly uncomfortable. “Nooooo, no, no, no, of course not.” Jon assured him with an overly innocent smile. “I’m just saying I’m sure a talented young man like yourself could easily make himself look... look like any random old Jewish television host long enough to distract his wife while he sneaks around back and gets a reuben sandwich from the corner deli with a side of steak fries and a large pint of beer because damnit I’m hungry and can’t keep eating soy bread and lactose milk all my life... I mean you could do that... right?” “I-I’m sure I could... but I’m also sure that your- I mean, that the wife of that certain host of a certain mildly politically correct comedy show wouldn’t take it too kindly... hypothetically speaking, of course.” Ryne answered. “YOU HEAR THAT LARRY KING? YOU’RE ON THIN ICE!” Jon yelled at the camera while the audience laughed at the duo on stage. “So... while we’re still on the topic... I... wh-what... what made you decide to go for the look you were sporting... I mean back when you first arrived on stage... and in my office, with the orange hair and grey coat... tell us why go for that look?” “Well, back when--” Ryne said before getting cut off. “Because if I were you I’d make myself look like fanciest pony to ever exist.” Jon interrupted while making wild hand gestures. “I’m talking about golden hair... long legs... shiny tail, and a horn twice the size of my body... I assume that’s what all ponies want to look like.” After the crowd was done laughing, Jon gave Ryne the alright to continue his explanation. “Well, back when I was a Grubling, and I was starting off in this world... well, I was usually taught to look like the most mundane pony that would have ever existed. It's actually a tricky situation with Changelings. You can't be too fancy or else you'll attract to much attention, you'll risk getting caught.” Ryne explained. “Anyway... well, let’s just say that even Changelings go through that ‘rebellious’ phase, and next thing I knew, I went with what... I felt natural with it. I was myself, for once. It just so happened to look all too natural to what my future career would be... ” “Now I learned... through a friend that all Changelings were once normal ponies... but then they got corrupted by dark magic... that altered both their physical appearances as well as their minds... right?” Jon asked. “Eh, in laypony’s terms, yeah.” Ryne admitted before tilting his head to the sky. “But then there’s you... you were-- you’re a rare subset of Changelings that actually didn’t lose their minds and got to retain your humanity” Jon continued, now wanting to get serious for a moment. “So, why didn’t you just make yourself look like... how you were BEFORE the corruption?” “Because that life... is behind me now. The life of a Changeling before they actually became a changeling is a thing of the past, and while I sincerely hope that one day that will change, it can never be retained... so by... reinventing myself with this new image, I’m moving forward with my life.” Ryne expressed, causing everyone in the room to reexamine their own lives and try to imagine what it would be like to have their identity stolen from them permanently. “Also I... I always DID want an orange mane.” With the levity now back and stronger than ever, both the audience and Jon broke into laughter, giving the guest of the night enough time to tilt his head forward and take a sip from his mug of water. After some time had passed, Jon continued to speak in between the occasional left over chuckle. “But in terms of... of the here and now... right now you’re a Changeling, which I mean now, uh you... you don't exactly go around looking the way you actually are... and for a good reason... why... why do you feel the need to go-- to hide your real identity the way you do?” Jon asked, almost disappointed that he had the bring the flow of the interview back to a serious mood. “Well, like I said before, with the basic mainstream belief that others have, of Changelings being ‘evil emotional vamponies’, it’s not exactly easy to get a meal for yourself, or do what you love, like your hobbies.” Ryne expressed. “Especially considering my race’s tendency to gain sustenance at all costs.” “Okay, now bear in mind that we--th-that there some who watch this show that might not understand what we’re talking about.” Jon explained as he motioned to the cameras. “Could you please elaborate for those watching... the means by which a Changeling... basically feeds and... and, and, and generally stays alive?" “Changelings... are pretty much what ponies make us out to be.” Ryne began as he occasionally looked directly at the camera. “We disguise ourselves, hence our namesake, to get close to ponies, gryphons, et cetera, and basically consume the love their family, life partner, or friend has for them, in their place... and that love... is sustenance for us.” “I see... now this parasitic existence of, uh... of a Changeling, I just assumed... like many others, would-- is the universally accepted medium of attaining love for you guys.” Jon admitted. “But... but with you, I’m now forced to call that into question, I mean... I mean this image of Changelings lurking around at night looking for victims... how much of that applies to, say, someone like you?” “Well, for somepony like me, it hardly applies... anymore.” Ryne corrected as the audience leaned in. “I consider myself, really, one of the lucky ones, as I’m one of the few of my race that has found less forceful methods of getting a meal, thankfully. I’m not sure if I’d revealed this before, b-but I’m sure you know of my hobby-turned-occupation for creating music?” “That’s... that’s right! You’re a DJ.” Jon reminded himself as he leaned in and make gestures with his hand against the table. “Tell me and be honest... assuming for a moment... that I had no idea you were a Changeling... why should I have you on my show when I’ve already had two other musicians from your world as my guests... three, if you consider Zecora’s way of speaking to be freestylin.’” “Well, I don’t mean to brag, but I feel like Octy and Vin... don’t get me wrong, I love those two very much, we go way back... but I feel like they're kinda lacking ‘substance’ in their music.” Ryne said as he quickly started to regret it. "Believe me when I say, those two are great but... Vinyl, despite her hidden talents for music, prefers to overload the senses with random recordings. I mean, this one time back at the academy... she turned in for a project, worth our entire quarter grade, a song... composed of various modified sounds... of her... inner bowel movements. How she got a passing grade in Musical Theory, I’ll never know... ” Despite only interviewing, and indeed knowing, Vinyl for a short period of time, this scenario was so on the nose, Jon nearly banged his head against the table as he leaned forward and laughed so hard, he felt as if he would pass out. “But, Octavia understands melody and conducts her music appropriately.” Ryne continued. “She has a firm grasp on the concept of flow and can really adjust her music to fit any occasion... her dexterity is beyond impressive and her cultural understanding of the arts makes her a true musician among ponies.” “Buuuut?” Jon asked with a raised eyebrow. “But... she can be kind of stuck-up at times.” Ryne added. Again, right on the nose. “Stu... stuck up how?” Jon giggled “Well... She despises eccentric innovation, and only concentrates on the norm.” Ryne explained. “About the only thing different she ever did was... Vinyl." “Well, what about you?” Jon asked. “Is your style of music more refined, or do you also experiment with what can be done?” “Well, both Vinyl and Octavia sort of influenced me to go my own route. My constant exposure to Vinyl’s... music during our school days left me traumatized, and I never could find the poetic calmness that Octavia found in classical.” Ryne explained, now more comfortable talking since it was about his own element. “So I tend to deviate towards my own tastes, a mix of the styles of glitch hop and electrohouse, and maybe some classical instrumentals just to see. Back in the day, there would be rants from Octavia on how both Vinyl and I waste our time making ‘noise’. So, yeah, I tend to experiment, and see what flows.” “You’re not alone you know.” Jon revealed with an understanding nod of the head. “A lot of people experiment in college... like me, but I just ended up using... certain recreational... opiates, if you will, that would have made me really appreciate your type of music.” “Heh, you don’t really seem like the type, Jon... of either of them, really.” Ryne chuckled. “You say that now, but fun fact... I’m actually 30.” Jon joked as he rubbed his face. “And besides, why am I talking to YOU of all people about age... you’re a Changeling... y-y-your type can’t die as long as you have love plus, can’t you just make yourself LOOK younger than you actually are?” “And how do you know that I’m not faking my age right now?” Ryne asked with a tilt of the head and a half smile. “Really? Your name is DJ Pygmalion... you compose music that’s called ‘electrohouse,’ you’ve worked at strip clubs, and you carry a pair of headphones wherever you go,” Jon surmised in a placid tone. “You-- either you’re a young man with a lot of time on your hands, or you’re, you’re, you’re going through one HELL of a mid-life crisis.” Ryne’s attempt to get the upper hand was once again thrown in his face by the more experienced Jon Stewart. Feeling that too much time was spent on him, he decided to try again to change the subject. “Well, enough about me. What about you?” Ryne asked as he pointed his hoof with many holes at him. “You were almost president!” “Excuse me?” Jon asked. “Well, I watched your debate last year with that, what was that guy’s name? O’Malley? O’Reilly? Yeah, him!” Ryne Blurted. “I understand that your country’s leaders usually do debates like that, but I’m so sorry that you lost the election though... ” It took Jon a moment to realize what his guest was referring to. It would seem that he had confused the mock-interview he had with Bill O'Reilly last year as the real McCoy. On reflection, a very easy mistake to make since the channels that Equestrians got from Earth was extremely limited, like their knowledge of human culture. “Actually Ryne, there seems to be some confusion, you see... That guys name is Bill... Bill O’Reilly and he’s...” Jon stopped himself mid-sentence as a thought crossed his mind. According to the bean counters at Comedy Central the most watched interviews are the ones where Jon played on the ignorance of his Equestrian guests. It was a very easy thing to do and a cheap way to get funny results... Jon still found too much joy to be had in it. “He’s ...he’s a formidable foe I will say that... sadly, my run as president didn’t go as planned, but in the end, we came to an agreement.” “And that agreement was?” Ryne wondered out loud. “A very old, but still involving traditional that’s been practiced in American politics since the founding of our nation.” Jon explained as he placed a hand over his heart. “He got to be president and, for one night, we got to trade wives.” “...I don’t know what to say.” Ryne said. “Oh, and the perks don’t stop there!” Jon continued as a shocked Ryne looked on. “In addition to Bill’s wife, if America ever suffers from another civil war or some kind of nuclear apocalypse, I get Iowa.” “By Celestia’s name... and they call Changelings heartless.” Ryne chuckled as he slowly started to see through his prank. “Well, at least you got some good pieces of land out of the deal.” “Yeah, and getting Iowa wasn’t too bad either BOOM!” Jon roared as he pumped his fist. “BOOM!” “...Why do I get the feeling that everything you’re telling me isn’t as straight as you make it out to be?” Ryne asked as he rolled his eyes which, since he had no pupils, just looked like he slightly tilted his head back and forth. “I’ll have you know, everything I’ve said is the truth or my name isn’t Han Solo!” Jon said, only to get a look of disbelief from his guest. “Oh what, you don’t believe me?” “Oh... it’s just a feeling I have.” Ryne insisted as he looked behind him to see many a Daily Show employee’s chuckling to themselves. “Ooooh, so you think I’m deceiving you!?” Jon announced as he lifted a finger in the air. “You feel like... I’m, for lack of a better term, masking my true intentions... why it’s almost as if I’m putting on a, a, a disguise and made it seem like I’m someone I’m not through a clever ruse... but yeah, I’m sure you know nothing about what that feels like.” Ryne didn’t respond, but instead glared at Jon. He wasn’t mad at him for what he said, no he was just concentrating on ever so slightly changing his appearance of his face. Keeping it at it’s usual black tone as to not reveal that he was blushing. The void that was left by his silence was instead filled by the crowd laughing. “Now, going to the person in the room who isn’t half a century old... uh... um, what-- we know that your style of music was first inspired by your friendship with Octavia and Vinyl... but what made you want to pursue music in the first place?” Jon asked as Ryne took a deep breath. “Well... I’ll have to answer that question with another question.” Ryne warned him before continuing. “Ever been in a Hive before?” “Isn't 'Hive' the name of the new strip club down in the lower east side?” Jon asked, almost sounding too serious. “Err... maybe I should elaborate. What really inspired me is the ambiance that you hear when you walk right into a Changeling Hive. Your whole entire life, you don’t have a single moment of silence to yourself, really. All you hear is this solid block of... ’noise’.” Ryne explained to Jon who, living in New York, knew the feeling. “Sometimes, it shifted into a rhythm or pattern, or maybe it didn’t. Maybe it randomly changed in pitch or tone. And the short amount of time I spent in a Hive, that was possibly one of the defining moments of my life. Just listening to the sheer noise... and really, I try to replicate it with my own music.” “It... almost sounds like you... have fond memories of your time in the colony.” Jon carefully worded. “Heh, a single good memory from only a bright few... but the colony did make me what I am today, so I guess that sometimes, misery actually turns into opportunity.” Ryne admitted with a guilty smile. “You know, I’m not entirely sure it’s a point in your favor... to be comparing your music to the sound of the inside of an insect’s hive.” Jon joked. Jon’s own version of endless noise in rhythm came in the form of the audience once again laughing at a now embarrassed Ryne. “Although I find-- It’s almost poetic... in an ironic sense, to think that the sounds you heard in the hive were... were in a sense beautiful enough for you to leave.” Jon added. “Have you-- I know now you’re on your own and live among the ponies in Celestia’s kingdom, but do you ever visit your old hive... like maybe on holiday or something like like: ‘Hey Frank long time no see! How’s the the 80 identical children? Ah that’s great!’” “Well, I could go back anytime I want... it’s just that my hive’s welcome wouldn’t be as genial as what you described.” Ryne said after a nervous cough. “I know what you mean.” Jon acknowledged. “Family reunions can be a real pain in the ass.” “The feeling’s mutual, Jon.” Ryne went on. “Though, I don’t think your family members would have the gall to tear you apart limb from limb.” “You’ve never met my grandma.” Jon said before forcing out a shiver. “Now of course, as we all know you had... you left the colony to be a musician... and from what you’ve told us here today, a pretty successful one... so I’m sure... you’ve got a crazy story or two for... w-wha... what would you say... uh, is your most interesting... experience as a DJ?” “I d-don’t know really... I mean, the shows that I go to are... tame, compared to Vinyl’s, where you can basically get a ‘third-hoof high’ from just staying in the same room as her events.” Ryne explained. “Third-hoof high?” Jon asked. “It’s... sorta hard to explain. Sometimes when unicorns hop themselves up, or get exposed to otherponies on... stimulants, they tend to lose control of their magic, and basically ‘influence’ their environment to be as... mellow as they are, I suppose.” Ryne said as he recalled the last time he DJ'd for party in a club. “Ever wonder why sometimes Vinyl wears a gas-mask in concerts? It’s not just because it’s a dubtrot fad.” There were so many things Jon wanted to ask, but for the sake of the flow let them slide. “Now... as a DJ... I mean here in the human world, we hold our performers to certain standards... in order to ascertain whether or not they are true musicians... I’d like to see if you fit the profile that we have established here... do you mind?” Jon asked. “It’s not a problem.” Ryne commented, now very curious. “Of the following... have you ever gotten in trouble for: domestic violence, drug possession, destruction of public property, drunk driving, falling in love with a stripper, having 99 problems, punching a hooker, hiring a hooker, being a hooker, or for some reason never taking your sunglasses off while indoors?” “Jon, I assure you that my record’s clean, and that I’m not a criminal.” Ryne proudly confessed. “Or the type of pony with shades super glued to their eyes... sorry Vinyl.” “Well then, better luck next year at the Grammys.” Jon expressed while dismissively arching his hand. “These... ‘Grammy’s’ are awards of acclaim here, yes?” Ryne asked. “I’m not sure I’m cut out for that type of recognition... I mean Sapphire Shores can probably get one of these... ‘Grammy’s’ before I do... ” “Sapphire who now?” Jon asked. “Who’s that... sounds like a shampoo my wife once tried to get me to use.” “She’s a popular mainstream pop singer back in Equestria... she’s not known for using her authentic voice during her performances, if you know what I mean.” Ryne snickered. “Nope... can’t say I’ve ever heard of her... I mean... the name sounds familiar... but... say actually... Hey Ryne buddy... mind doing your old pal Johnny a favor?” Jon asked with an innocent smile. “Sure, man. I’d give you one of my kidneys if you needed one... well, at least I think I have a kidney.” Ryne said as he took a second to look at his own stomach. “It’s the least I can do for letting me be on your show.” “Greeeeaaat... so you’ve... seen this... Sapphire Shores right?” Jon asked as he reached over to grab his hoof. “I mean you do know what she looks like and stuff... right?” “...She’s a pop culture symbol. Sure, everypony knows what she looks like.” Ryne answered as he took back his hoof. “Well... could you... I mean for me... could you please make yourself look like her.” Jon asked with a smile. “What!?” Ryne exclaimed as his eyes lit up and he almost jumped out of his seat. “Just for a second! I just want to see what she looks like and stuff... you know... in case I ever meet her.” Jon assured him. “You know what? You can have that kidney now. Literally, right now. Just rip it right out.” Ryne blurted. “I’d rather be missing an organ than risk getting sued by Sapphire’s legal team.” “Oh well, that’s too bad... because I’m sure everyone here was sooooooo looking forward to see you transform again... right guys” Jon announced to the those watching in the bleachers. The old tactic of having one’s audience peer pressure someone into doing what you wanted is a host's tactic as old as time itself... and it works. “Oh, fine.” Ryne moaned as he looked to the audience then back at Jon. “But only for a moment!” “Exactly! Just for a moment!” Jon agreed. “...I swear, if I get in a lawsuit because of this... ” Ryne complained right before the same bright burst of magic as before engulfed his body. When everything was set and done, Jon was no longer looking at Ryne, but instead a new pony that looked absolutely nothing his guest. This new pony was, instead of black, cream colored and had an outfit on that was so complex and fanciful, a new word would’ve probably needed to be invented to adequately describe it. Her mane, as the name suggested, was sapphire colored as was her tail. Her eyes were a light sunset yellow which contrasted with the purple makeup on her eyelids. These two colors could also be seen on her dress which came complete with matching shoes and a stylish, if tiny, top hat. About the only thing about this pony that was even remotely similar to Jon’s guest was the look about her which was the same as Ryne’s; slightly annoyed. “Wow” Jon said, still shocked by this sudden transformation. “So... so this is Sapphire Shores, huh... and you said she’s famous, right?” “Yes... extremely.” Ryne bluntly said as he lifted his head to stretch his neck. “And she sounds a little bit like this, honey!” The surprises continued as Ryne changed the tone of his voice to what could only be described as that of a sassy black woman. “Oh god!” Jon exclaimed as he began to laugh and wave his hand like he was begging for him to stop. “Do... do me a favor... could ya... could ya just hold that pose for a second?” “Err... if you insist... but I hope you know how uncomfortable this makes me.” Ryne advised, still using his sapphire voice as he shifted in his seat. “Don’t worry you’re pretty little head... just... stay... right... there!” Jon blurted as he turned to the camera and began to play with his notes. “Hey everyone welcome back to the Daily Show! I’m here with my Guest, Sapphire Shores, who has graciously come to the show today to talk about her new album! So Sapphire, how has the tour been treating ya?” The crowd, which knew this was just a joke, played along by cheering and applauding beautifully in perfect time as if it was an actual opening to an episode. This coupled with Jon’s prank made Ryne sweat like a frozen water bottle. “WAIT NO! Err... It’s... bl... umm... GAHHHHHH!” Ryne roared he he hastily changed to a different form, then another, and another, in a desperate act to look like anyone besides Sapphire Shores. “Wait, wait, wait wait!” As Ryne pleaded for mercy, his voice constantly changed in pitch and tone as he cycled through disguise after disguise. In the course of about ten seconds, he went to about twenty different forms to the point where all his legs, head, mane, tail, ears, and body each belonged to a different person like some kind of adorable Frankenstein. “Sapphire, please don’t sue me! I didn't mean it! I don't want to be in legal debt for the rest of my life!” Ryne pleaded as he finally calmed down long enough to revert back to his Changeling form. The crowd was still laughing long after the comic effect of what happened had worn off. Mostly because, in his haste to revert to normal, Ryne had forgotten something. “It’s alright Ryne calm down!” Jon pleaded as he pointed to his backside. “Also, I think you forgot something. Looking behind him, Ryne now realized what was so funny... his tail was still that of Sapphire Shores. Something which a quick tail whip corrected. “Wow... I never knew your power to transform was so good... hey do you... do you ever find... that-- do you ever find your being a Changeling had helped you as DJ?” Jon ventured after the crowds laughter had fully died down. “Like... you needed to get into a club so you changed to look like the owner... or maybe the fact that you’re technically being immortal has saved you from one too many extreme mosh pits... or... something?” “Well, Jon, if I changed to become somepony else, than what would be the point of it all, really?” Ryne asked, still feeling slightly off about what he had just done. “If I really wanted to, I could have changed into a form of a billionaire, bought myself a private island somewhere in the Ambleantic Ocean, and lived there for the rest of my life. I’d rather be ‘me’, than anypony else. And other than having cup-holders for hooves, I haven’t found a place for my abilities in my work at all.” There was a moment of silence before the audience gave Ryne a quick round of applause. “Very admirable... but if it were me, you couldn't pay me enough money to not make myself look like someone else!” Jon commented “Or at the very least, make myself seem younger so my kids won't keep thinking I’m sick... but yeah, I’m surprised you don’t... I don’t know, indulge yourself a little... like perhaps, after a really good show, disguise yourself as a security guard so you can bypass all the raving fans... I mean like... do you even have groupies?” “Err... I’m not exactly well-known enough to have those.” Ryne admitted. “Yeah... me neither.” Jon sniffled. “But that’s sort of the way I like it.” Ryne continued. “After a show, I get home without my privacy invaded enough for me to gorge on ice cream in peace. I mean... who else is gonna supply ponies with tasteful glitch hop?” “I don’t know man, seems like a wasted opportunity... one can only imagine the freaky kinds of things that Changeling’s do with those holes in their legs.” Jon joked, unaware of how deep that particular rabbit hole was. “What? So stallions get as creeped out as mares do whenever the word ‘Changeling’ is uttered?” Ryne submitted. “I uh, I don't follow.” Jon stated. “I’m not sure if anypony informed you, but... ermmm, you have no idea what you just implied, did you?” Ryne said. “Enlighten me.” Jon took out a pen and paper. “Well... I can’t say this on public television” Ryne advised as he took away Jon’s stationary. “But back in Equestria, normally when you mention i-in p-p-private a certain synonym of “Changelings”, well you see on the paper, you get one leg here... The other partner’s head there... wrap your tail around this mare’s hoof... and you basically stay like that for half an hour until you... ” Jon watched as Ryne wrote down in detail exactly what “Changeling style” meant back in Equestria. Each new detail heralded by increasingly disturbing positions. Before he could finish however, Jon grabbed the piece of paper, crumpled it and threw it behind him with a blank expression. “I’m never going back to Equestria.” Jon said, causing Ryne to laugh along with the audience. “How... for god’s sake. How do you even know about a sex position like that!” “Celestia have mercy on me... Octavia’s going to murder me in my sleep for this... but you remember when I said that Vinny, Tavs, and I hung out together at our music school?” Ryne asked, instantly gaining Jon’s undivided attention, as well as those watching from the bleachers. “Well, Vinyl had the bright idea of sharing a single dorm to save up on cash for our tuition... and a new speaker system, which she still hasn’t paid back my share of bits that she owes me for it. So anyway, one day, during a hot summer, I was walking back to my dorm as innocently as a disguised Changeling could after having his brain roasted in an advanced rhythmic algorithm class, and I saw... Vinyl and Octavia... on MY bed... Well, you get the picture... AND DON’T EVEN ASK ME WHO WAS ON TOP!” Usually, the best interviews in Daily Show history are the ones where the guest is the one that makes Jon laugh rather than the other way around. By that logic, this one would be one of the best ever. “Now... now speaking of those two... it’s because of Vinyl and Octavia that I was convinced in letting you come over.” Jon revealed. “Uh... it was-- I got a letter from them expressing how I should have you... here today and it was in that letter that she revealed something very interesting about you.” “If she mentioned about that time I got drunk and was caught streaking across campus in my socks, then she’s lying and I was already acquitted of all charges!” A fluttered Ryne insisted. “...No, I was going to say... actually, we’ll come back to that later... but actually, what I was going to say was... she told me the reason that you two-- I mean you, Vinyl, and Octavia became friends, is because you helped her fend off some bullies who were picking on Octavia.” Jon continued, his back arched to get the blood flowing again. “Mind giving us an idea of what happened?” Hearing this caused Ryne to take notice. His ears, which were previously slumped, now sprung up and his jaw dropped for a second revealing his razor sharp teeth. “Wait... they told you about that?” Ryne asked in a disbelieving tone, getting a nod in return. “Well... okay, it’s like any other stereotypical ‘how-I-met-my-lifelong friends’ stories, I’m afraid. It was a couple of days until our first term ended at our musical school, and it ju--” “Oh god, please don’t tell me music schools in Equestria are anything like the ‘High School Musical’ movies.” Jon pleaded as he slapped his hand across his face. “Did you guys just like... just sta-start randomly singing and dancing everywhere?” “Well... no... no we didn’t... the school we went to was a bit more serious than that.” Ryne affirmed. “Thank god.” Jon expressed sighing a deep sigh and slumping slightly over his desk. “But, but random acts of song and dance are actually quite common in my world” Ryne revealed, causing Jon to look up. “Why just the other day, Pinkie Pie went through an entire choreographed, thirty minute performance after she found her missing alligator.” “Wait... WHAT!” Jon yelled, as the entirety of Ryne’s explanation just made no sense to him. “But that’s not important... anyways, like I was saying... It was a couple of days until our first term ended at our musical school, and you know how ponies get. That relief, that freedom from the burden of educational establishments. It makes you... a bit wild. And, I found that out the hard way when I came across a couple of spoiled, upper-class unicorns pushing around Octavia in the courtyard.” Ryne continued as he tilted his head back and rubbed a hoof over his smooth face. “I mean, it was bad enough that she had to handle their constant verbal abuse that whole entire term because she was... different. As she probably mentioned, Earth ponies, back in the old days, were seen as common, and purely clumsy even when they obviously aren’t. And it was even more of a social taboo for Earth ponies to step up and play music skillfully enough to get into the Royal Canterlot Orchestra.” “I remember her mentioning that.” Jon quickly added as he played with his pen in his fingers. “She talked about how she had to overcome... a lot of... misconceptions about her species.” “Yes, and normally, I stay away from any situation that might attract attention to myself, but I felt... I don’t know, drawn to help her. If you’ve ever felt truly... different, enough that you feel yourself sticking out from the middle of a crowd or separate from other ponies then... well, I guess that’s what made me help her.” Ryne continued as he twiddled his hooves against the desk nervously. “I felt personally obligated to help her, even though I didn’t know her and she could have handled the situation herself... I could've let myself trot away from the scene, but I never thought it was fair that an individual can be subjected to so much suffering just because they’re ‘different’. Why? Well, because pretending I was somepony else... somepony normal... was just a fact of life for me, and it’s incredibly unfair that anypony else, whether they be Changeling, Unicorn, Pegasus or what have you, can be denied that same level of comfort.” “So... what ended up happening?” Jon asked after Ryne paused to collect his thoughts. “Well... I intervened, and I got my flank hooved over to me, so you wouldn’t believe how long I had cracks in my chitin before I healed up properly... but at least Octy was safe for the time being. So, for a while, I was held up in my room because I was healing, but one day right before lunch, somepony bucked open my dorm door and barged right in.” Ryne said. “At first, I thought it was one of those high class Unicorns coming back for more, but as it turned out, it was Vinyl. She found out about what happened, and for some reason, I thought she was mad at me because... I don’t know, maybe she didn’t like the fact that I was trying to get in good with your best marefriend like I was trying to take her away or something... anyway, when she came in my room Vinyl did something that both scared, and surprised me... she thanked me. And ever since that day, we became friends.” “It seems that... it seems that your experience... as a Changeling has really shaped the way you act and think... almost as if it’s given you a new look on life.” Jon submitted as he made hand gestures with each word. “In a surely messed up way... Yeah. It has.” Ryne admitted “Now having said that... here is something I’ve been wondering about you.” Jon added. “Which would be?” Ryne asked, wondering if this is the question he had been anticipating for a while now. “To put it simply, it’s this... Ryne?” Jon asked. “Yes?” Ryne responded. “Do you... like... being a Changeling?” Jon finally asked. “Ex... excuse me?” Ryne replied; this wasn’t what he was expecting. “It’s a simple question. Since you have been blessed with the the gift of retaining your mind and thus have hindsight... do you like who you are... do you like the fact that you are a Changeling?” Jon repeated himself, now having his hand sprawled across his mouth quizzically. This was a new one for Ryne. Up until now, no one knew he was a Changeling, so this question was never brought up. For someone to ask whether or not you liked being who you were was a deep enough inquiry into one’s soul, but what really got to Ryne was this was a question he never even asked himself. “With... with the lifestyle that I presently have... I actually... I actually don’t mind it. I mean... It helped me become a better pony, really.” Ryne confessed as he stared at his reflection in the shiny surface of the Daily Show desk. “You know, enjoy what you have, and all that jazz. But what’s become apparent through recent events, like what happened in Canterlot or your show, is that us Changelings need help... We’ve let hunger drive us into desperation.” “But aren’t these other Changelings... forgive me if I sound cynical here, but... couldn't one look at them as a lost cause?” Jon said trying his hardest not to sound too mean. “Like, you and-- we’ve discussed the spell... the uh, the corruption, warping their bodies AND their minds. So why help those who are--” “I guess... I guess you could call me unreasonably stubborn, but the idea that ALL Changelings are a lost cause is one that I don’t quite agree with.” Ryne interrupted, now looking straight into Jon’s eyes. "Yes I'll admit most Changelings lost so much more than just their physical appearances... but aren't those the ones we should be helping the most?" “In that case... I want to ask you something.” Jon asked as Ryne braced himself. “Now... I didn’t look for you nor did I have any knowledge of you before this show... you are the one that came to me... asking to be on my show... for the sake of promoting that Changeling’s... aren’t all bad... basically.” “Yes... that’s... why I’m here.” Ryne admitted as he readied himself for what was to come. “Well... I have to ask... Why risk it?” Jon said. “You, Ryne... you made it. You are a one-in-a-million Changeling who, not only retained his mind, but escaped the tyrannical rule of Queen Chrysalis... you’ve successfully made a name for yourself, with friends who love you... and you managed to do what some spend their entire life trying to find, and that’s a purpose in life... all the while avoiding the discrimination of others... so tell me... why... why would you risk aaaall of that, right here right now... for a group of pseudo-monsters who do nothing but give you a bad name and would probably hate you.” And there it was; the question that Jon swore to Ryne he would ask him at some point during the show. When Jon finally asked it, it felt heavy on Ryne’s body like someone had dropped a boulder on top of him. For the amount of time leading up to the actual taped interview, Ryne had been mulling over this question over and over again in his head. What really got to him was that Jon had a good point. Maybe not every Changeling is bad, but a majority of them most certainly are. Was it really worth it to try and save the already damaged image of a group of creatures who seem to have a real talent for self destruction? Ryne was just a simple musician, but even he didn’t have to think that long about his answer. “If I had to die right this instant, on your show... I’d die happy... which isn’t fair when other Changelings don’t even remember what that is... I mean, not that many normal ponies would have enough satisfaction in their lives to say that. And yet... well, I still know that, out there somewhere in the Hive, there are Changelings that I vaguely remember to once have been my friends and family, and that frightens me.” Ryne confessed as he continued to look at Jon with large eyes. “I know us Changelings haven’t been the most... liked creatures out there, and for a good reason, but I still feel like there is hope for us... for all of us. There are others like me... others that have retained their memories and have tried to live better lives, but do so in hiding for fear of being discovered... and if there’s at least one Changeling who is unjustly being persecuted, then I will do my part to help them because... because it's the right thing to do. My thoughts of them drove me to do this, really. So to answer your question... even though we might not feel or think it, we were all ponies at one time in our lives. Maybe, like me, they remember who they once were, and maybe they don't. So here's my question: shouldn’t they all have an equal chance to prove themselves, like me? Don’t they deserve a life like mine? If they are ponies somewhere on the inside then shouldn't we try to help them?” Everyone present in the room watched and listened to Ryne as he poured his guts out like a sinner in a confessional. Each and every one of them, as they listened, also contemplated if they themselves would have done the same thing. “And since nopony else is helping them out, and their reputation is only getting worse, why shouldn’t it be me? Chrysalis, in her attempt to gain power, went too far beyond her moral boundaries with her plan.” Ryne continued. “I know what she did was despicable, but at the same time, so many ponies were talking about wanting to... wanting to get rid of us... and that’s just as bad. Then I realized since my lifestyle provided me with the perfect means to do something about it I... I-- So, I figured it was up to me... I couldn’t just stand aside and watch, I had to act. It's like you said in your interview with Princess Luna the other day... ’All that is necessary for evil to triumph--” “... Is for good men to do nothing.’” Jon added followed by a pause. A pause which was soon shattered by the sound of the audience applauding and standing to their feet. Both Jon and the audience may not have known much about Equestrian history or culture, but they were a good judge of character and could spot a saint a mile away. “Ryne... I must say... and say for one hundred percent certainty, that it has been an honor having you on the show.” Jon said as he pointed his finger at him. “And I wish you... and all the Changelings out there who have a fighting chance at a good life... the best of luck. And hope that one day... they may know peace.” “Thanks Jon.” Ryne said, happy that he finally heard the thing he always wanted to hear.. “That really... really means a lot.” “Listen, I would love to hear more about your experiences so would you mind sticking around for another five minutes and we’ll throw the rest up on the web?” Jon asked as he pointed to the camera. “I would love to!” Ryne exclaimed as jumped on the table to grab Jon’s already stretched out hand. “Just... no more embarrassing questions about me, Vinyl, and Octavia, please.” “I can’t promise that and you know it.” Jon chuckled as he swirled in his chair to face the camera and subsequently the audience as well. “Ryne the Changeling everyone! We’ll be right back!” Like before, the crowd in attendance rushed to their feet to give their new favorite Martyr a proper send off in the form of cheering and applauding that was so deafening, he could barely hear Jon trying to communicate with him from across the table. To remedy this, he jumped on the table and approached him before the camera began to ascend into the sky while Jon whispered something in Ryne’s ear. A few moments later the Daily Show logo blotted out the image by flying on the screen and leaving to give the next commercial break a chance to appear.