//------------------------------//
// Episode 7 [Mayor Mare]: Please welcome to the show Mayor Mare 
// Story: The Daily Show presents:  Equestrian Interviews 
// by Daily Show Ponies 
//------------------------------//

Series: Equestrian interviews
Interviewer: Jon Stewart
Guest: Mayor Mare (Mayor)
Date: ???
Location: Daily Show headquarters
733 11th Avenue Manhattan, NY 10019




THIS IS THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART










After another somewhat lengthy commercial break "The Daily Show" returned to it's final segment of the night. The screams of joy coming from the audience indicated that the upcoming segment was none other than the interview portion of the show between Jon and his guest.

The camera very quickly zoomed in on Jon who was seen playing with his chair. Swiveling back and forth while adjusting his height, idly looking everywhere but straight ahead at the camera. After a few seconds of nothing but cheering Jon finally sits up in his chair, notes in hand, and begins to address the public. 

"Welcome to 'The Daily Show,' we have a very special guest tonight!" Jon said as he quickly stretched both arms behind his back. "She is the mayor of Ponyville currently on her third term. Please welcome to the show Mayor Mare!"

The crowd applauded at the guest of evening who made her way onto the stage. She wasted no time and was already waving at the audience, walking at a slow pace giving her more time to do so.

Her coat was very light brown and her mane had various shades of light grey. She wore very professional looking gold rimmed glasses, and much like Octavia she had a loose collar. Instead of a bowtie however she wore a teal colored neck warmer. All this (plus the tone of her voice) gave the impression that she was much older than the other ponies Jon had on his show in the past.

Jon met with her halfway on stage and shook her hoof, stopping briefly to let those in the audience take a picture of two.

When Jon tried to guide Mayor Mare to his desk she stood on her hind legs and grabbed his hand with both hooves to keep him in place, prolonging their photo-op. Jon tried to respectfully break free but his grey haired guest wouldn't allow it. Eventually Jon gave in and continued to wave at the audience while simultaneously shaking her hoof.

After an appropriate amount of time had passed (Appropriate to Mayor Mare) the two made their way to the center of the stage; as usual Jon offered his guest a seat and he took his. More waiting occurred but this time for the audience to calm down which wasn't helped by the Mayor who was still waving at them.

"Welcome to the show, Mayor Mare!" Jon yelled over the crowd. "Glad you could make it!"

"Thank you Jon!" She fired back. "And please call me Mayor. Everypony else does."

"No problem. So...I-- if you don't mind I'm gonna get right to the chase," Jon continued. "You...you're the mayor of Ponyville, right?"

"Well that's what it says in the record books," she answered with her head held high. "Voted Mayor three times, thank you very much!"

"See that's the thing...I was under the impression that Equestria was a monarchy." He continued. "I mean I'm met with your princess and she seems to call the shots around those parts. Granted from what I recall she doesn't live in Ponyville...but doesn't rule the land?"

"Well yes your assumption is partly correct but what one needs to understand is there are differently bodies of government in different parts of Equestria. All working differently but all under the rule of the princess." The Mayor said, looking more at the camera than Jon. 

"You see that to me just seems very bizarre." Jon added. "I mean how can a system like Ponyville's, which is a democracy, work under the princess. Someone of royalty." 

To his surprise the Mayor was very quick to answer almost as if she had been planning for every possible scenario of questioning. 

"I realize it can be very difficult for an outsider such as yourself to understand." She said, sounding not at all condescending. "For the most part the princess is a very hoofs off kinda dictator. She lets places like Cloudsdale and of course Ponyville conduct themselves how they want and only intervenes whenever she feels its absolutely necessary." 

"I see. I think I'm starting to understand a little bit more." Jon said, stroking his chin. "We have a somewhat similar thing here in America where we have both federal and state laws. The federal law embodies the entire nation while the state laws vary depending on where you live."

"Oh how fascinating!" The Mayor replied. She leaned forward by putting her front hooves on the desk. "Tell me though, does your world have any bodies of royalty?"

"Well there are some sovereign nations in the world who still have acting members of their Royal family." Jon answered. "The most famous of which is our greatest ally England. They themselves still have their Queen but she's largely just a figure head. Even they run their country as a democracy."

"So there's no queen here in New York?" The Mayor asked.

"Well actually that's not true...If you head on down to lower Manhattan you'll find a whole bunch of queens." Jon said, clearing this throat over the crowd's laughter. "And for the right price they'll show you their own royal bodies." 

Although she didn't understand the term "queens" Mayor Mare could grasp the context of the joke and as as result laughed accordingly.

"Also before we go one I'd like to ask you something...as a Mayor I mean." Jon continued. "Ok here's the thing...our mayor here in New York recently passed a law that I would like to get your opinion on if you don't mind."

"Certainly." The Mayor said, motioning for Jon to continue. He does by briefly bending down to get something from under his desk and placing it in front of her. 

What Jon had retrieved was two 16 ounce cups: one filled with soda and the other about half way filled with 25 grams of Marijuana. Mayor Mare showed no signs of understanding or confusion but just simply took turns starting at both Jon and the audience who were cheering him on.

"Now...now this cup is filled with Coke and this one is filled with weed." Jon said pausing to let the crowd finish their cheering. "So as a mayor yourself wha-- which of these do you think is more illegal."

Mayor Mare was about to speak but was cut off by an audience member giving an audible scream of approval. After a quick laugh she responded.

"Well Jon I'm afraid I won't be of much use to you here," she said, looking at both containers. "I'm not exactly sure what any of these are." Jon leaned forward to point at each container in an effort to help her understand.

"Well this is Marijuana. Its a type of plant that humans use for medical reasons or recreational use." He explained. "And this is Coke, it's a soft drink product. Currently in New York if you're caught with this much weed that's a $100 fine...but if you're caught selling this much soda that's a $200 fine. I just want to get your take on this."

"Well with all due respect I don't feel comfortable giving my opinion on the plant since I'm not fully aware of its properties," The Mayor said. "But as for the soft drink we actually have a similar product back in Ponyville. Its produced and distributed by the Apple family, and I can't imagine putting a tariff on such a poplar drink." 

"So you wouldn't criminalized it like our Mayor did with soda?" Jon asked.

"No, no I wouldn't." She responded. "Ponies love it so doing that just seems, excuse my language but, stupid."

"THANK YOU!" Jon said, causing the crowd to roar with excitement. While Mayor Mare was waving to them yet again Jon took the time to put away both containers.

"Now uh...lets continue. So how did you become the Mayor?" Jon asked. "Is being a politician your special talent or something?"

"Well Jon my life story has always revolved around Ponyville," she answered. "I was born there and that's where I grew up."

"Ah, a hometown hero, huh?" Jon interjected.

"That's right; born and raised." She said proudly. "And as for my special talent well growing up my mother was always working so, being the eldest sibling out of five, a lot of the day to day responsibilities around the house fell on me. It was then that I discovered I was a natural born leader when I could...rally my brothers a sisters to help me."

"So I'm guessing you made your siblings do all the work while you sat and watch?" Jon asked, getting a quick laugh from all who heard. "Typical politician." 

"No trust me it wasn't like that. I just found that I had a gift for micro-management as well as public speaking." She continued. "So when I got older I wanted to use these talents to help the town I loved for so long, and that's when i decided to run for office...to help the great people of Ponyville!"

Jon took a second for the audience to stop applauding before responding.

"Speaking of the people of Ponyville not too long ago I got a chance to interview one of your citizens," Jon continued, "You may know her she's the school teacher, Ms. Cheerilee." 

"Oh yes of course I know Ms. Cheerilee." The Mayor responded.

"Well last time she was on the show she told me something very interesting." He continued. "She told me that education in Equestria never gets cut. Now as the mayor of Ponyville could you...I guess give us further detail on this or like-- is that really true?"

"Well as someone who is largely responsible with handling Ponyville's funding I can say for certainty that yes that is the case." She answered.

"So you never cut their funding-- wow, I find that to be just very inspiring." He responded.

"As a matter a fact a lot of our funding goes to education," The Mayor continued, now turning to the camera. "Our children's future is very important and as Mayor of Ponyville I have continued uphold my promises to never cut funding to education." Jon began to wonder if she was sitting on an office chair or a soap box.

"Why is it that you're so surprised by that?" The Mayor asked. "Don't your schools get funding?"

"Generally speaking we do," Jon answered. "It's just that when it comes to  America education gets a very small percentage of our overall funds. It usually ranks at the lowest and it's always the first to get cut."

"Then where does the rest of it go to?" She asked, taking down mental notes.

"Well of course it goes to other facets of life such as: transportation, healthcare, environment," Jon explained. "But much like education those don't much either...no, what gets the most funding here is our military."

"How very interesting," The mayor replied. "That certainly does explain a lot. You see unlike your country Ponyville doesn't have a military. As a matter of fact very few places in Equestria do."

"Is that right? So...how do you guys protect yourselves?" Jon asked, unsure if lack of a military was entirely a good or bad thing.

"Well sometimes we do get help from Canterlot," She responded. "There are royal guards located there who help keep the peace, but as you might guess they're primarily located with royal members of the family."

"I'll be honest Mayor...it sounds like Ponyville gets the short end of the stick here." Jon said. "They...they get the royal family, who governs the land, and all the muscle. What does Ponyville get?"

"Well don't get me wrong we're not defenseless," The Mayor said. "While its true that yes we do lack a military it is also everyponies civic duty to help protect Ponyville. To that end whenever calamity finds it's way to our doorstep we always have able bodied colts and mares willing to help. Some more than others."





"Alright then, but let me give you a scenario." Jon said, trying to be serious with the issue. "Lets say there's a hurricane over the coast and its headed right towards Ponyville. You have 24 hours till it hits. What do you do?"

"Well in that case first and foremost I'd do a complete evacuation of the town just in case we couldn't stop it," She said, causing Jon to look puzzled. "Next I'd gather every Pegasus I could find, brief them on the issue and have them try to disperse or at the very least send the hurricane back to coast line. I'd also probably have Rainbow Dash leading the group."

Unknown to Jon her answer was actually a very "by the book" response. The scenario that he had presented her was actually one that Ponyville had practiced for in the past, usually by running hurricane and evacuation drills. 

"I'm sorry." Jon said. "But did you say the Pegasus ponies would...'send it back?'"

"That is correct Jon." She answered, noticing the continued look of confusion on his face. "Oh, dont you know?...A Pegasus can control the weather." 

The crowd laughed at Jon who was now leaning way back in his chair and throwing his arms up in disbelief. He wanted to keep his line of questions serious but to him this new bit of information was an open invitation to throw all sense of professionalism out the window. 

Ok then how bout this! So lets say, oh I don't knooow...a stranger suddenly and without warning appears in Ponyville," Jon continued, giving a overly dramatic shrug. "A handsome stranger belonging to a species you've never seen before and citizens are scared. What do you do." 

As always the Mayor was quick to respond, with both an answer and chuckle.

"Well Jon I'll tell you. We would probably have our brightest minds come together to determine what species it is and if it's dangerous. Knowing my citizens one Twilight Sparkle would definitely volunteer to do this." She answered confidently. "Next, assuming the creature is friendly, I would personally welcome him or her to the town and try to see if it needs help."

"Alright I'll give you that one...next scenario!" Jon said dramatically. "The entire town's supply of pastries have become sentient and they have decided to rise up against the citizens of Ponyville for eating their brothers and sisters! Their on the attack and half of Ponyville has been taken over. What do you do?"

"Oh that is a tough one. Well in this case my first task would probably be to gather up the hungriest ponies in town to fight on the front line, holding them off while everyone else escapes to Sweet Apple Acres for shelter." The Mayor said trying not to laugh. "If we need to we'll use the Everfree forest as a strategic checkpoint since we know it's layout better than them. Since we're were talking about pastries here I know dear Pinkie Pie would be the first to volunteer for sure."

"Not bad. Ok prepare yourself because this next one is a doozy!" He said cracking his knuckles. "Hitler himself has just been resurrected by Lex Luther as Mecha-Hitler! He invades Ponyville on the back of a fire breathing T-Rex AND the royal guards are no where to be found! The only thing that can kill him is if you clog his 'Mayor shaped' exhaust port causing him to blow up Death Star style...what do you do!"

This time around the political Earthpony couldn't help but laugh at Jon's outrageous scenario. The audience joined her while Jon deviously tented his fingers, waiting for her answer. 

"I'm sorry Jon but...seeing as how I have no idea who or what any of those are I'm afraid I can't tell you what I'd do if that happened." The Mayor said, still laughing.

"And you call yourself Mayor!" Jon yelled, slamming his fists on the table in jest. Jon sat there jokingly shaking his head back and forth while the audience continued laughing along with Mayor Mare. She eventually regained her composure only to wait for the audience to do the same.

"I should probably invite you to future town hall debates," she said, taking a sip of her water. "You certainly would attract a large turnout with hot button issues like those."  

"Well call me politically active but I just feel like the good people of Ponyville deserve to know how their leader could handle these kinds of situations." Jon said putting his hands in front of him. "I mean if you can't even handle robo-Hitler I'm not sure I should vote for you."

"Hey now I've handled plenty of disasters in Ponyville," The Mayor interjected slyly. "All of which were very much real I might add."

"Oh this is real! No one ever expects a pastry inquisition but it could happen!" Jon said, vigorously nodding his head. "But no really, uh go ahead. Please share with us some of your experiences; I'm sure someone in your position has seen their fair share of interesting occurrences."

"I have!" The Mayor responded. "Why just recently the town was hit with a crippling milk shortage incident. And to makes things worse it was around the same time Pinkie had her week long chocolate chip cookie sale."

"Wow. That sounds like...a crisis of the highest caliber," Jon said with an expression of fake surprise. "So tell us how did you handle the incident?"

"Well everypony in town wanted milk but it was my responsibility to make sure everypony got a fair amount each," She said. "So I passed a law into effect where each pony could only have a certain amount of milk per day, restricting them to only what was necessary."

"I can't imagine that went over so fell." Jon said.

"I'll admit It wasn't the most popular of laws. We had some ponies who were irate by the fact that I was telling them how much they could have," the Mayor responded. "But by doing this I made sure everypony got the necessary amount of milk needed; No more no less. And within a short period of time the caravans of milk made their way back to Ponyville and all was well."

"So you managed to fix that particular problem for good?" Jon asked.

"Yes I did. And ever since then it hasn't happened again and we've set up backup rations of milk just in case it does." She answered.

"Ok how bout this," Jon continued. "Are there any ongoing problems facing Ponyville at the movement...problems that you haven't--"

"Well it's funny that you mention that," The Mayor answered. "For awhile now we've had this problem of dealing with a pesky cult that's been running around town."

"There's a cult in Ponyville?" Jon asked with a nervous laugh.

"Yes, they worship this thing called 'Smooze,'" she explained, waving her hoof as if do dismiss them. "And they're responsible for all kinds of criminal activities in the area."

"What kind of criminal activities?" He asked.

"Mostly just petty crimes like putting 'kick me' signs on livestock and flushing the toilet while you're still in the shower."  The Mayor answered.

"Well then why don't you just arrest them?" Jon asked.

"The problem is we know they're doing these things but we can never catch them in the act," she continued. "Not to mention we have no idea who their leader is or where they operate."

"Maybe I can help," Jon said as he faced the camera with a serious look on his face. "Attention leader of cult Smooze...I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money...because I work on cable TV. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long somewhat successful career. I might find you, and I will kill you...unless you're bigger than me then I'll just have someone else do it."

The crowd laughed while Mayor Mare did her best to not spit out the water she had foolishly tried to drink beforehand.

"There ya go," Jon said. "That should coax him outa hiding."

"Well thank you Jon," She said with an ever present smile. "If by some chance that works I'll make sure you get credited but I should warn...I've been doing this for a long time now and that's not the proper way to handle the situation."

"Oh really! So then tell me 'Mayor,' what is the proper pay?" Jon asked after the crowd died down somewhat. "When you get confronted with these day-to-day problems around town how do you deal with it? 

"Well first, I consider all the options that I have, as well as all the resources that are available to me to deal with said problem." She said, making sure to face the camera every now and again. "Then I carefully commit to the idea that's most beneficial to the the people overall as opposed to just one or a few subsets. If I'm ever really stuck I just take a second to think 'WWCD'....'What would Celestia do?' You would not believe how much that helps."

"I think she'd just fly in the air and fix everything with her super magic." Jon said bluntly, causing everyone in attendance to laugh. "I mean, don't take this the wrong way but, she has the power of magic and flight and you're an Earthpony...she's basically your god. Soooo I can't help but feel that you're setting yourself up by unrealistic standards." 

As both the audience and guest laughed Jon took the momentary break to reach for the cup of soda from before and take a gulp before starting again.

"So what's new in your life?" Jon said, leaning back in his chair. "We've been talking about what's already happened in your life but I want to know what you're doing nowadays."

The question caused a bright smile to appear on Mayor Mare's face. It was the kind of smile that all politicians get whenever asked that question.

"I'm glad you asked Jon!" She said enthusiastically. "I'm actually campaigning at the moment. I'm up for re-election in a few months."

"Oh how nice." Jon said. "Well I'm sure being on the show will...help you a lot." It was around this time that Jon began to understand things a little more clearly.

"I'm sure it will," she responded. "And while I'm here I think I would like to take this time do address my constituents. David could I please get a close up." 

Jon was surprised to find out that she actually knew the name of his camera man. His surprised expression would have been visible to the rest of the world but by then the camera had already focused on Mayor Mare.

"Greetings citizens of Ponyville! It is I your Mayor." She said looking directly at the camera. "As you may know by now it's election season and some of you may not know who to vote for yet, and that's OK. Because I'm here to help guide you."

While She was making her speech Jon was trying his best to get on screen be leaning over the desk and poking his head into the shot.

"I have provided a video that will hopefully answer all your questions," She continued. "Chuck! Roll 2-12!"

"Wait what!?" Jon said, still trying to get in the shot. Before he could say or do anything else the screen faded to black and a video appeared in it's place.



The video opened with Mayor Mare sitting at a desk in what appeared to be her office. Certain points of the video faded to stock footage of herself walking and talking with other ponies.

"Oh Hello, I didn't see you there. You know a lot of things have been said leading up to this election; some true and others false. Well, as Mayor it is my duty to set things straight for those of you who are confused.

My opponent Berry Punch would like to have you believe that I've been in office too long and that a change in power in necessary. But you know what I say? I say why fix what isn't broken. Under my leadership Ponyville as seen a huge growth in its economy as well as lowered taxes in just the last year!

What has Berry Punch done in the last year? Oh nothing except getting charged with a DUI!

So please vote for me, Mayor Mare! Because under my administration I promise to make Ponyville the Envy of all Equestria!

Do you really want this to be the face of Ponyville!?... I know I don't."	
Paid for by the friends and family of "Four more years of Mayor Mare"




The video faded away to a shot of both Jon and Mayor Mare at their desk being applauded by the audience. Mayor Mare, realizing this, waved at the audience while Jon sat in his chair eating out of a bag of popcorn and wearing 3D glasses.

"Wow. Sounds like...sounds like this Berry Punch is in for one hell of a ride." He said, taking of the glasses and putting away his popcorn. "Now I know why you wanted to come on the show."

"Oh Jon I assure this was all very last minute." The Mayor said, avoiding eye contact by waving at the audience. Even though he felt like he was being used Jon admired his guest's sense of moxy. Though at the same time he felt that she wasn't leaving without a coming under fire just a little bit.

"So you're up for re-election. That's great!" Jon said. "Now obviously you've done a lot of good for Ponyville but in the video you claim that a lot of things things have been said by both parties. Some true and others false. So riddle me this...what is your opponent saying about you that is true?"

For the first time Mayor Mare was caught off guard by a question. So much so that she inadvertently answered with the truth. 

"Oh we...she's running on a platform called "Protect Ponyville," the Mayor said rubbing the back of her head. "She's claiming that under my leadership we're defenseless from outside attacks." 

"Why does she think that?" Jon asked. "Has Ponyville been invaded before?"

"...You could say that." She said with a guilty smile. "Anyway aren't we overdue for a commercial break?"

"Not even close!" Jon said shaking his head. "Please...enlighten us about these attacks."

With a quick sigh Mayor Mare put her hoof up to her chin to try and recollect.

"Well...one that comes to mind is the Parasprite incident that happened awhile back," she said. "They're a type of bug that can multiply quickly and we had to get rid of them since they were eating all our food."

"Well that's not so bad," Jon said. "I mean every town has some kind of pest prob--" 

"And of course not too long ago Cerberus escaped from his cage in the underworld, and was running amoke in our town," she continued. "And that wasn't even the fist time an animal was loose in Ponyville. Before that we had a giant cosmic bear appear in the town square."

"O-oh I see," Jon said in astonishment. "Well I mean I don't think one could hardly classify animals finding their way in your town an invasion I mean it's not like--

"And then there was the time Nightmare Moon invaded Ponvyille and kidnapped the Princess Celestia," the Mayor interrupted. "Or the time the God of Chaos broke free from his prison and for awhile took over the town."

Jon listened in disbelief at the several accounts that she continued to list, all the while rethinking his next visit. 

"You know how before you said you don't have a military," Jon asked, not even waiting for her to respond. "Well I think it's time you invested in a motherfucking military!"

"I've...already made a note to address that during a future debate." She responded looking as guilty as ever.

"Quick question though regarding all those incidents," Jon said, pausing for emphasis. "I mean who-- how did you respond to them individually?"

"Well I did my best to handle each situation," she responded. "But if you're asking who eventually got ride of the invaders it was either one of the members of 'The Elements of Harmony' or in some cases all six of them."

"Ah I've heard of them," Jon responded. "Matter of fact you mentioned them earlier on in this interview as well."

"Well when it comes to both the safety of our town and Equestria they really are some of my-- our best resources." She said with a smile. "You should invite another one of them on your show."

"You know what? That's not a bad idea." Jon said as he scooted closer to his guest. "Listen we're out of time but thank you for being here today, you were a wonderful guest and I wish the best of luck to you in your upcoming election."

"Thank you Jon!" The Mayor replied. "I had a great time today."

"Mayor Mare everyone! We'll be right back!" Jon said as the electrified crowd stood to applaud.

The last scene shown to the public is Jon whispering something in Mayor Mare's ear. The Mayor seized the moment of up close intimacy by pinning a "Vote for Mayor Mare" button on his lapel. The camera slowly paned away from Jon pointing to his newly acquired button and talking to the Mayor who responded by offering him more of them. Eventually the camera made its way to the upper right corner of the stuido where the show's logo reappears and faded to black then to another commercial.