---XLR---
Luna, the Artist of the Night Sky, and Kiva, Intergalactic Defender of Earth, stared into each others’ eyes. The two fighters paced around an invisible point in the ground, panting in exhaustion from the fierce hoof-to-hand combat.
Kiva’s bo-staff had been stomped clean in half and kicked away not moments ago. The Lunar and Solar guard encircled the fighters and the red metal space chariot. In the very unlikely event that this alien beat their princess, Kiva wouldn’t be getting very far.
Luna snorted once before dashing towards the human. Kiva readied herself to dodge the princess’s horn, but was surprised to find her opponent changing direction.
Luna had planted her front hooves and spun around at the end of her charge. She struck out with both her back hooves making contact with one of them. Kiva managed to catch the hoof in both her palms, but the force of the buck rammed her hands into her gut, sending her sliding back a few feet. Kiva worked to regain her breath while Luna repositioned for the next strike.
The alicorn pushed her advantage and came in for another charge.
“Not this time,” Kiva panted.
As Luna went for another buck, Kiva dived to the ground and rolled underneath her adversary’s dark body. She delivered a solid kick to Luna’s underside. The princess coughed and lost her balance, falling to her sore belly.
Kiva tried to get up quickly for a follow-up, but her left leg was caught under Luna’s heaving chest.
“You lookest to be tiring out,” Luna said, continuing to stare at her opponent's emerald eyes.
Kiva raised her guard a few inches keeping her view of the dark horse inches above her fingertips. “Yeah, well you don’t look so hot either, but it has been a good fight.”
“What dost thou mean has been? It has been over one thousand years since we have fought like this. We are how you say, ‘just warming up.’”
“Just how old are you?” Kiva asked.
The winged unicorn smiled at her in pleasure, showing off some fangs she somehow missed spotting before. In a few wing beats Luna was off the ground and out of reach. Luna released a ferocious growl, charging again at Kiva with her horn lancing forward.
Kiva twisted her torso at the last second of Luna’s charge, causing her horn to pass harmlessly by. She grabbed grabbed the spiraling appendage, ready to throw the princess with her forward momentum.
The Alicorn's wings spread wide to slow herself, having seen through her opponents plan. Luna tossed her head upwards as soon as Kiva grabbed hold, expecting the alien to go flying or at least loosen her grip. Instead, Kiva was launched upwards still holding firmly to the horn. The human twisted around and landed squarely on Luna’s shoulders.
“You look really good for your age by the way,” Kiva quipped.
Princess Luna’s eyes widened at the prospect of an alien riding on her back. No one had ridden on her highness's back in centuries, especially not in public.
---XLR---
By now most of the town had come out of hiding to watch the Moon Princess fight with the alien.
“Princess, shouldn’t we go in and help or something?” Twilight asked as she watched Luna trying her hardest to buck the alien off of her back. Some of the surrounding guards started to move in, but Luna motioned them to stay put.
“Just let her have her fun; my sister can take care of herself.” Celestia grabbed some popcorn offered by Pinkie Pie. “Remember that she hasn’t used an ounce of magic yet.”
Twilight was shocked. “Fun? FUN! How can fighting extraterrestrials that crashed in from the sky be fun.” Twilight’s ears folded back as she looked up at her mentor, her nose scrunched up in consternation.
“You know you can just call me Celestia. Princess is just so formal for the two of us.”
“Can I call you Tia?” Twilight giggled, only to get a stone cold stare form Celestia.
“No, you can call me Celestia.” The white alicorn smiled warmly at Twilight. “Only Lu L— I mean only Luna gets to call me that. Back when we were young and adventurous like you and your friends, she used to call me that.”
Twilights violet eyes lit up. “You two had adventures! Did you fight changelings, wrestle dragons, and save everypony with your magic?”
“Indeed we did, Twilight. All three of us.”
“All three?” Twilight had lost focus on the fight completely.
“A young draconequus tagged along and gave us great ideas for pranking the castle staff.”
“Are, are you saying you used to hang out with the God of Chaos... as friends?” Twilight sputtered.
Celestia turned back towards the circle of guards. Luna had taken flight above the town’s center, using aerial maneuvers to try and free herself of the foreign passenger. “I think it is about time we got to know these aliens. I’d like to talk to them all together.”
“But you didn’t answer my question,” Twilight grumbled, catching up to Celestia.
“Discord and I... may have dated for a while,” she said quietly, so only the little alicorn could hear.
Twilight never noticed the slight blush on her mentor’s cheeks. She was too busy grimacing at the images in her head.
“Eww. You don’t still like him; he’s kinda old and stuff, isn’t he?.”
“Twilight! Are you calling me old?” Celestia looked affronted, holding a hoof to her chest.
Twilight instantly bore a frantic expression. Her ears twitching wildly. “What, no! Of course not! I... just meant... you know... being an alicorn and...”
Celestia just giggled in her princess-y way and continued to the center of the crowd forming in the middle of town.
“Hey, that wasn’t funny!” Twilight huffed. She followed after Celestia, just now noticing a riot had started in Ponyville.
---XLR---
A few minutes earlier...
“Of all the planets to be marooned on we had to land on talking horse land.”
“They can’t be all bad. That crazy pink one gave me this tray of cupcakes before the guards dragged her away,” the larger of the two prisoners said.
They had only captured the two aliens ten minutes ago and the skinny one had been talking non stop. Night Barb walked closer to the two prisoners who had been secured back to back in a sitting position. “What are you whining about this time, Jammy?”
“For the last time it’s Jamie! Jay-meee. Say it with me, Jamie. And I’m not whining, I’m complaining. Why do you care anyway?”
“The princess’s orders were to treat you well until they decide what to do with you. As well as prisoners anyhow. Unfortunately, that means I have to pretend like I care for you two,” the Night Guard Captain deadpanned. Jamie just grumbled under his breath.
“You’re just sad we didn’t get stuck on the planet of the space chicks or something,” Coop said, spewing crumbs of cupcake all over his lap.
Night Barb’s eye twitched slightly. “What would be so good about being stuck on a planet of alien baby chickens? You must be truly sinister beings.”
“Not chickens, hot babes?” The guard just stood confused. “Swankalishous? Hot stuff? Foxy fems? C'mon man, you're killing me. Far from good, good from afar?” Jamie tried to lift a hand to his face only to be stopped by the iron cuff attached to a chain. As far as shackles went those were pretty comfortable. They even had some sort of padding to prevent chaffing.
“I mean pretty women!” Jamie yelled. Anypony nearby that wasn’t staring at them before was now.
The bat pony raised a brow over one eye. “Are you saying that our mares are unattractive?”
Jamie tried to throw his hands up, but was again foiled by the restraints.“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying! You’re a bunch of rainbow colored talking horses. I can barely tell the difference between you fuzzballs.” There were many feminine shouts of protest from the crowd, as well as upturned noses.
“So you're not only calling our females ugly, but you’re saying that you can’t tell the difference between a mare and a stallion?” By now Night Barb had his muzzle inches away from the space invader.
“Hey, Jamie, I think you may want to quit talking now,” Coop whispered anxiously, eyeing the crowd that he guessed was mostly females.
“You heard this guy, he can’t touch us unless the namby pamby princesses say they can. Kiva’s gonna beat that dark one any minute. Then there’s only one more until we can get the heck outta here.”
“Did you just insult the princesses!?” The guard flared his leathery wings.
“Jamie, normally I’d be all over stringing insults against aliens holding me prisoner, but I still need to fix MEGAS.”
Jamie was too lost in his rant to hear Coop’s pleas.“Yeap, I think the fat white one with the rainbow hair—” The rest of Jamie's words came out as unintelligible mumbling. Coop had plugged his friend’s mouth with a half eaten cupcake, but the damage had already been done. Not even the ring of guards could save them from the tide of irate mares and angry townsponies.
---XLR---
Celestia craned her neck upwards. “LUNA. I THINK IT’S TIME TO STOP PLAYING WITH THE ALIEN AND COME DOWN HERE,” she said in the Royal Canterlot Voice.
“WE ARE NOT PLAYING. THIS IS A COMBAT MOST SERIOUS.”
“So, youre name is Luna, huh? I knew you must have been holding back.”
“As were you, visitor.” The princess dived steeply downward then opened her wings like chutes, sending Kiva flying forward.
Kiva looked up, grasping the end of Luna’s starry mane. “I’m guessing you don’t want your... ponies to think you were just playing with the ones who crash landed in your little town, huh?”
The princess nodded, causing Kiva to swing a little.
“And I’m guessing your citizens don’t normally fight your guards to pumble prisoners, do they?” She said as a last ditch effort to distract her opponent.
Luna took the bait and looked down upon the ring of guards who were trying to hold back a mass of ponies without harming them.
In other words they were being utterly useless, asking them to nicely disperse and standing in the way while the crowd tried to clamber and fly over them. In the midst of the mayhem, stood Celestia, working with the guards to restore order.
Kiva found herself floating in some kind of energy field as she and Luna raced towards the ground.
“ENOUGH!” Luna landed amongst the angry mass, which froze at her command. A number of guards crawled out from under a pile of mares, while others were stopped in the middle of dealing with ponies wrestling, biting, and flailing about.
The two humans stopped trying to crawl away from the scene and Kiva found herself floating over to her companions to be quickly shackled as well.
“What is the meaning of this?” Luna asked, stomping her hoof. “You, the one with the three carrots cutie mark, what hath occured here?”
Carrot Top recoiled from the attention. “What, me? Well th-the sickly skinny one wearing the blue hat called all the mares ugly.”
“Since when has it become excusable to form an angry mob over such subjective name calling?” Celestia broke in.
A small white and brown colt stepped forward from a guilty looking crowd and up to Celestia. He spoke in a Cockney accent. “Excuse me princess, but he also called you some not so nice things.”
“And what would those things be?” Celestia smiled and leaned in so Pipsqueak could whisper in her ear.
Celestia's ears slowly folded back, her face contorting into a teeth clenching rage.
“They called me fat! FAT! Luna, you said you couldn’t tell!?” She pointed a trembling gold clad hoof at Jamie. “You! One thousand years dungeon!”
“Great job, Jamie,” Coop and Kiva said in unison.
Luna draped a wing over her sister and nuzzled her side. “Now sister, we must review the crime reports first. A nearby guard took that as his cue to pass her a stack of papers, which she read aloud.
“The charges on the ape-like beings are as follows:
Disturbing the peaceDestruction of property, both public and private, including but not limited to:Two houses: of One Ms Doo and One Ms HeartstringsSix market standsPonyville Bowling Alley: private businessQuills and Sofas: private businessTown HallBridle Street and Green Pasture AvenueInciting a riot or public disturbance”
Kiva noticed the purple alicorn blush at that one, having been guilty of that one at least once.
“Verbally insulting ponies, including her Royal Highness, Princess Celestia
Luna finished reading the charges and rolled up the scroll. “Well, this is certainly quite a list, but unfortunately does not equate to anywhere near one-thousand years in the dungeon. We think it would be a waste of resources to house beings for such a time anyway.”
There was an audible sigh of relief from the aliens and a fist pump from Coop.
Celestia spoke, having calmed down quite a bit. “What sort of punishment is in order?”
Some ponies in the crowd took this as their cue to give suggestions.
“Make them eat one hundred carrots!”
“Hey! Carrots are good,” protested Carrot Top.
“Then make them explode, then explode again!” said a fat little colt.
“How about... two-thousand years dungeon!”
“Or locking them in a room with Pinkie Pie for a week!”
“Yeah! Lock me in a room with them so I can make new space friends!” all eyes shot towards Pinkie Pie.
---XLR---
Luna finished reading the latest book on Equestrian law from the library. “Eghemm! We have chosen a righteous punishment,” Luna declared, releasing the bonds from Coop and his friends.
“We have, sister?”
“The punishment, for all the crimes listed and unlisted, shall be... community service!”
Coop walked over to his car and leaned a hand against the hood. “So what, you want us to pick up trash off the streets for a day and we can just leave? I don’t really do the whole cleaning thing very well.” He emphasized with finger quotes.
“You misunderstand. You will restore Ponyville to how it was before your arrival. You shall stay here until that task is complete.”
Jamie brushed the dirt from his jeans and hoodie. “Can I be excused from this? I have to go save Earth and stuff. You know, giant robot business.”
Kiva interrupted before Luna could speak. “What Jamie is trying to say is that we can’t stay here. The fate of our planet hangs in the balance. Once we repair MEGAS, we’ll leave your planet in peace.”
“Yeah Kiva, you tell ‘em. There is no way I’ll be sticking around this stinking horse planet. Things are way too girly around here,” Jamie said folding his arms.
“THIS is not a request!” Luna stomped the ground. “You will be stuck here as long as your monstrosity needs repairs, and your ‘pilot’ can not fly it. Is this not the case Jammy?”
Kiva had a good idea of where this was going. She almost decided to warn Jamie, but this Luna character had a point. They were stuck here until repairs were complete, so they may as well help clean up their mess. Besides, Coop could still pilot MEGAS despite what might happen to his punk friend. How could she refuse those adorable faces anyway?
“For the last time, it’s Jamie! Can’t any of you fuzzballs get it—”
A gold beam struck the mouthy teen’s body and he erupted into a bright sphere of light.
“Sister!” Luna yelled in panic.
Celestia shrugged with her wings and shoulders. “What? This is what you were implying, right? Now they can’t leave until they repay their debt to society.”
“I was implying that he be put under guard and kept away from his companions, not blasted... away...” Luna trailed off as the light from Celestia’s spell started to recede.
Jamie was suddenly aware of all the eyes on him. “What is everyone looking at?”
Luna scratched at her muzzle, while everypony and human watched Jamie trip over himself while attempting to hold up his pants. “This will keep them from leaving. Even if the other two could operate their machine of destruction, they will need us to reverse the spell.”
Celestia smiled. “Perhaps he will learn some humility and respect as well.”
The skinny idiot tried to walk upright towards Kiva and the Plymouth convertible, but he continued to trip over his baggy jeans. “Kiva, why do I feel all funny?” He looked down where his hands should be, but they were covered by his long jacket sleeves “I can’t feel my hands. I must be dying. Kiva, help!” He begged at the woman’s feet.
Kiva silently turned him towards one of the car’s side mirrors. What Jamie saw was a yellow furry thing staring back at him. What the crowd saw was a scrawny pony stallion wearing a green hoodie under a black jacket, oversized jeans, and a worn blue skullcap on his head.
Jamie clumsily pushed the hat off his head and poked at his ears, which gave a little twitch at his prodding. What came next was arguably the most girly scream anypony (including both princesses) had ever heard in Equestrian history
After his wail of shame, Jamie held his hairy face in his hooves and declared,
“I've become a furry!” Before fainting next to the red convertible.
Sompony finally broke the uncomfortable silence. “What a drama queen,” Rarity proclaimed.
Luna inhaled sharply. “Well, sister, this just leaves us with finding a place for our guests to stay. Perhaps—”
“HA, HA HAH, hee hee, HOO, wowee... sorry, big horse lady, this is just too funny,” Coope bellowed while wiping a tear away with a fat finger. “Were you saying something about a place to crash?”
Luna ignored the human’s odd custom of pointing at one’s friend and laughing at their misfortune. “The title is Princess Luna to you.” She coked her head slightly. “Haven’t you already crashed here?” Luna stood tall, letting her mane flow freely for a few moments. “We have been informed that the inn is full at the moment and the barracks only has room for two. Would any of our fair Ponyvillians be willing to house these visitors? Anypony who is not willing should step back now.” Most ponies moved to the edges of the square so they could still observe.
“Well they ain’t stayin’ at my farm that’s fer sure.” Applejack crossed her forelegs.
“Their fashion sense is terrible. They would simply disrupt my work.” Rarity moved beside Applejack in the crowd.
“I could let them stay at Sugar Cube Corner...” The Cakes vigorously shook their heads at Pinkie. “Nevermind. Ooh, they could stay at the library in Twilight’s mad mare lab! There’s lots of space there! And she can totally study them and learn their alien secrets.”
Twilight’s eyes flashed with excitement, but as she stepped forward, Celestia held up a hoof. “Why would I let these strangers and potential threats to the nation stay with my student, or any of the Elements for that matter?” Fluttershy actually looked disappointed. “We still need a volunteer who is willing to harbor these three.” By now, only a white unicorn with a spiky blue mane remained standing in the middle of Ponyville Square. She wore purple shades and stood bobbing her head to an inaudible tune.
“We will provide two of our top guards to protect you and any family or friends you reside with,” Luna added.
Celestia walked up to the volunteer. “Is there a particular reason you are willing to take this risk, Miss...”
“Just call me Vinyl. As for why I want to let aliens live at my crib, who wouldn’t? This will do wonders for my street cred on tour next year. And I bet these dudes have some sick music from space to spice up my tracks.”
Luna smiled at her sister, having only understood every other word from the musician. “This is DJ Pon3, the one who plays at my favorite night club and played at the royal wedding.”
Celestia couldn’t tell if this mare was even looking at her with those dark shades. “You do realize they could be dangerous and will be basically under your care until further notice?”
Vinyl shrugged. “I’ll take ‘em,” she said like she was at an auction house. “That red maned girl has got serious guts to take on one of you, but she didn’t really hurt anypony. The big guy seems pretty chill, too; and I ain’t even scared of the guy who just passed out.”
The princesses started a hushed conversation to the side. Coop and Kiva were bent over their transformed friend, poking and prodding away. Finally, Celestia cleared her throat to get everypony’s attention.
“Very well. These three strangers, Coop, Jamie, and Kiva, are hereby sentenced to community service until Ponyville is restored to its former state. They will be staying with Vinyl until their sentence has been served.”
Celestia and Luna took to the air. “Farewell, for now, my little ponies.”
“Wait! You’re just going to leave Megas in that building? We can’t exactly move it ourselves, let alone its missing parts. We’ll need construction equipment to even get started,” Kiva protested.
Luna turned back towards Ponyville. A blue aura enveloped Megas, slowly rising from the wreckage. The giant robot’s body floated over the town and out of view. A distant thud could be heard where it was deposited it in the local park. “If you require more assistance, we suggest you speak with Twilight Sparkle. We will be seeing you again Kiva... the Red Terror.”
With that Celestia and Luna flew for the capitol, chatting amongst themselves. All but one Lunar and one Solar guard followed behind their respective leaders.
---XLR---
To be continued.