//------------------------------// // The Maze Labyrinth // Story: Flying High // by arglefumph //------------------------------// "They ran out of cake?" Twilight gasped. Discord appeared in front of Twilight, with a pop. The purple pegasus shrieked and stepped backwards. "Oh, you want cake? Well, then!" An old-fashioned French dress appeared on Discord's body, as he created a ten foot long cake, above the area that had already been cleaned. "LET THEM EAT CAKE!" Discord dropped the cake, and it splattered everywhere. He laughed and disappeared. "Whum—what was that?" Twilight asked, spitting the cake out of her mouth. Luna wiped the cake off her face. "That was Discord." "Hmmm...where do I know him from?" Twilight thought. "You know him from—mmmm, banana cake, my favorite—" Princess Celestia said. She cleared her throat. "He is in the mural about the Elements of Harmony." "The evil monster from a thousand years ago? He's returned?" "Apparently so," Princess Luna said. "Sister, I thought he was encased in stone. How did this dragonian fiend escape the confines of his rocky prison?" "I don't know, but I am going to find out," Celestia said resolutely. "He is the second greatest threat to Equestria's safety, and I—" "CUT! PRINT! CONTROL ALT DELETE!" Discord shouted. He was wearing a baseball cap and sitting in a director's chair. "Ladies, I love the passionate fury in your performances, but you've got to give me more to work with here!" Shining Armor jumped forward and shot a blue circular orb of energy at Discord. Discord grabbed it, bounced it on the ground twice, then shot it back at Shining Armor, who went flying through the air. Discord slithered over to Twilight Sparkle. "Twilight. Of course I've returned. Coming back after a thousand years is the latest fad in evil villainy. I wouldn't be surprised if King Sombrero made an appearance!" Discord snapped his fingers and a mariachi band appeared, playing a triumphant little ditty. Discord started playing with Luna's flowing mane. "Luna. Love what you've done with the hair, but you need to work on your diction. No one can understand that which thou dost say." Discord moon-walked over Luna's body to Celestia. "Sun Butt, really? I'm only the second greatest threat to Equestria's safety? What dream world are you living in?" "Nightmare Moon was a greater threat than you will ever be," Celestia said angrily. "WHAT? Oh, no, you didn't!" Discord said, wagging his finger in a sassy fashion. "I mean, I saw what happened when Luna turned into Nightmare Moon! (Great choice to turn evil, by the way, Loony. It really brought out your aggressive personality.) She shouted at a mostly empty room, the two of you played aerial laser chess, and you banished her to the moon after two minutes. TWO MINUTES! That's not an evil mastermind; that's a minor flash in the pan." Luna was starting to remember why she hated Discord. "We defeated you once, Discord!" Luna said. "We need merely get the Elements of Harmony to reseal the barrier on your evil!" "You seem grumpy. Do you want a hug?" "What?" Luna asked. Discord popped up between the two royal sisters and brought them into a big hug. He squeezed them together so hard that they fused together into one pony. "Whoops! Sorry Princess Celunia!" Discord said. "Discord!" Celunia cried, trying to separate herself back into two ponies. "Undo this magic, now!" "Sure, sure, whatever," Discord said. "I'll get to it eventually. I've got some do-gooders to stop first." Discord popped out of the ground in front of the labyrinth, then plucked himself out and put himself in a flower pot. "Sorry I'm late, everypony," he said. "Where were we?" The six ponies were standing together in a small circle, looking hesitant. They nudged Fluttershy forward. "Go on, this is your chance," Rarity said coaxingly. "Um...Mr. Discord...sir?" Fluttershy asked. Discord ran his hand along his goatee. This was new. "Yes, Fluttershy?" "I was wondering...could you maybe give back the Elements of Harmony? If it's okay with you, that is," Fluttershy said in her timid voice. "They don't really belong to you anyway, and it'd make everypony really happy if you stopped trying to take over the world. Please?" "Well, since you said 'please'...NO!" Discord said. "You're in my court now, darling. That means you have to follow my rules!" "Okay, 'Operation Be Nice' failed," Rainbow said. She flew straight for Discord's face. "Time for Operation Punch Him Until He—whoa!" Rainbow Dash's wings disappeared, causing her to fall onto the ground and land on her head. "Ah ah ah!" Discord said. "Rule One, no magic or wings in this game. You have to walk to the center of the maze, all by yourself." "What's Rule Number Two?" "There are no rules. Duh!" "But that doesn't make any sense!" "What fun is there in making sense?" Discord asked. "Rule Number Three: this is a group effort. If one pony makes it to the center, you all win! But if one pony gives up, you all LOSE! And I get control of Equestria, eternal chaos will reign forever, and every other Tuesday is Free Taco Night at the palace." "I don't see the downside to this scenario," Pinkie said honestly. "I shoulda just stayed home tonight," Applejack said. "This Grand Galloping Gala is nothin' but weird." "That's the spirit, ladies! Let's get started with the psychological torture—I mean, fun little maze challenge!" Discord said, saluting them. "Don't forget, the first pony to reach the Elements of Harmony is crowned Triwizard Champion!" "What are you—?" Huge walls grew from the ground, separating all six ponies. Discord did a little dance after hearing the ponies scream, then he sprang his traps. Rainbow stomped through the maze angrily. "Stupid Misscord, taking away my wings. Who does he think he is?" Discord appeared on Rainbow's back, in the shape of Rainbow's wings. "Why, Rainbow Dash, I was doing you a favor. You don't really need your wings." "Yes, I do! I'm the best flyer in all of Equestria!" "And yet you lost the Young Fliers' Competition to an Earth pony," Discord said. "Quite a spectacular failure! Glad to see you gave up on performing the Sonic Rainboom, though. It's too far out of your league, for sure." "Get offa me!" Rainbow said, trying to throw Discord off. "You don't know what you're talking about! I invented the Sonic Rainboom!" "See, this is why you shouldn't be the Element of Honesty," Discord said. "Are you pretty truthful with other ponies? Sure. But are you truthful with yourself? No. You'd rather lie to yourself than admit that you're mediocre." Rainbow turned slightly gray. "That...that's not true!" she said. "Then prove it," Discord said. "Be the hero who saves the Elements of Harmony! Or...you can take your wings back, forfeit the challenge and go home! The choice...is yours." He pulled a "get wings back" button out of Rainbow Dash's ear and handed it to her. "I wish I had been able to leave these glass slippers behind," Rarity muttered angrily. "Walking around in these things is killer on my hooves." "You weren't complaining about your hooves when you danced with me tonight," a voice said. Rarity's head snapped up, and she saw Discord standing there, in his pony form. "Hello, Darling!" he said seductively. Rarity took off her shoe and threw it at him. "You absolute cad!" she said. "Look, I know you're upset, because our amazing kiss was interrupted," Discord said. "But we have absolute privacy here. If you want to pick up where we left off, now's your opportunity." Discord snapped his fingers, and a smooth jazz version of Love is in Bloom started playing, while he lounged on a heart-shaped bed. He waggled his eyebrows at Rarity. "I am going to destroy you!" Rarity screeched. She ran forward and jumped at Discord, hooves reaching for his neck. He quickly summoned a hollow red heart, which wrapped around Rarity's body and held her in midair. "Whoa! That's a little rough for me!" Discord said. "But really, Rarity, I'm disappointed in you. You're supposed to be the Element of Loyalty, and I got you to cheat on Shining Armor in almost no time whatsoever. I fear for your potential relationship." Rarity turned gray, as her language turned colorful. Discord laughed and dropped her on the ground. "Here's your special deal, Dahhhling," he said. "You give up the maze challenge, and I fix your broken relationship. I'll even return your magic! Just...give up on your friends." "I'll never make a deal with you!" Rarity spat. "Think about it," Discord said, winking. "See you later, Sugar Lips." Pinkie Pie, the Element of Laughter, bounced through the maze. She came to a clearing, where ponies were singing and dancing. "Yay!" Pinkie said. She jumped forward towards the party, but as soon as she touched it, everything disappeared. In its place was a lonely table, with a pile of rocks, a sack of flour and a broken teacup on top. "It's your birthday party!" Discord sang. "Isn't it fuuuuun?!" Pinkie backed up. "No! That's not my birthday party! My party was at Appleja—" "Pinkie, that was a pity party," Discord said. "The truth is that they all forgot your birthday, because none of your friends really care about you. But hey, who can blame them? You were the first to forget about your birthday!" "You...you're being a big meanie, Discord!" Pinkie said. "And you're an immature brat whose obsession with parties is a defense mechanism that allows her to escape from the harsh realities of childhood on a rock farm," Discord said. "You're addicted to sugar, your hair suffers from somatic reactions to stress, and you need to deodorize on a more regular basis." "I...I..." Pinkie said, her face falling. "Also, no offense, but everypony would prefer it if you didn't sing so often," Discord said. "Your songs are usually good, but your voice is so high-pitched and shrill that it completely ruins any tune you touch." Pinkie slumped into one of the birthday chairs, her body turning gray. "Here's my present to you!" Discord said. He materialized a box and slid it across the table at Pinkie. "You know, because you didn't get any real birthday presents. It's a new voice box! All it costs is one forfeit." "One...forfeit?" Pinkie asked. Discord pulled a golden scroll from out of nowhere, and he read off of it. "Opening the voice box immediately nullifies your efforts in the maze challenge. You will lose your own voice, and turn into a human for three days. If you get the handsome human prince Flash Sentry to kiss you before the sun sets on the third day, you will remain a human forever! If not, you'll turn back into a pony." Pinkie scratched her head. That particular contract reminded her of The Little Seapony. "I...I'm not going to give up on my friends!" Pinkie said at last. "They still like me. You'll see." "Oh...I expect to." Discord stretched his back, ready for the next victim. He flew towards Fluttershy, who was drawing pictures in the dirt. Discord's face fell. "Fluttershy, you've stood in place for the past ten minutes. Aren't you going to even try to get through the maze?" "I-I figured it would be safer if I stayed here." "Riiiight," Discord said. "So, anyway, I want to talk to you about the dragon." "The d-dragon?" "The one that was sleeping in the cave on top of the mountain," Discord said. "I was there when you started yelling and screaming at it. Why were you so mean to him?" "I'm sorry I had to be firm, but he was being naughty," Fluttershy said. "He was taking a nap!" Discord said. "And tonight, at the Grand Galloping Gala! You yelled at all those innocent animals! Face it, Flutterrage, you have anger management issues." "N-no, sharing kindness is the best way to—" "You're a raving maniac! You should be locked up with the former Prince Blueblood, for the good of society! Although that could lead to some awkward shipping scenarios..." "I don't know what you mean." "I'll make it simple. You are a mean, selfish pony with a mean, selfish rabbit. No wonder you're forced to live far away from everypony else in Ponyville! They're hoping to see you get killed by a monster from the Everfree!" "I live far away, for the animals' safety," Fluttershy said. "Besides, I'm shy. I like not living close to other ponies." "Hmph," Discord said. "Never expected to get far with you." He slapped Fluttershy on the head, forcing his magic through her. An angry look appeared on her face as her body turned gray. Discord was moseying around with a ten gallon hat on. He tipped it backwards. "Howdy, Applejake." Applejack narrowed her eyes. "You know, I've been thinking for a bit, and I figure that y'all are the one who sent the golden apple to my family." "Guilty as charged, Sheriff," Discord said. "Why'd you do that? It didn't affect you none." "Oh, but it did," Discord said. "I wanted to see how selfish and greedy y'all really are. Thet Element of Generosity yew have is a phony, as any fool kin plainly see." "An' you're too much hat with not enough cattle," Applejack said. "I ain't gonna let you get my goat." "Maaaaaaa!" Discord bleated, his head temporarily turning into a goat head. "Huh," Applejack said, scratching her head. "Is that...your neck?" "What?" "It's longer than the rest of your body, and it's all crooked-like. Does it hurt?" Discord slowly turned his eyes to the left, so he was looking directly at an invisible audience. "Okay, that does it. I'm not showing any mercy to her." Discord smashed Applejack into a basketball and performed a super slam dunk with her, while a Discord dressed in a cheerleader's outfit did a dance routine. Applejack fell to the ground, dizzy and gray. Trixie stepped bravely through the maze. She was surprised at how confident she felt, given that she was going up against a completely unknown enemy. I am going to be the pony who finds the Elements of Harmony, Trixie thought to herself. After all, I am the leader. It is my job to help protect the others. Trixie was using the technique of following around the right-hand side of the wall, to avoid becoming lost in the maze. She jumped over a small stream of water, then turned at a corner to find Discord, wearing a magician's outfit. "Captain Trixie, my favorite pony!" Discord said. "We have much to talk about." "Do you think I am foolish, Discord?" Trixie scoffed. "I overheard you talking to the others." Discord pulled his head out of the magician's hat. "Oh?" "You're going to try to trick me into forfeiting," Trixie said. "But it won't work on me. This is my big chance to prove myself, and I'm not going to let a scaly goat/lion/elephant monster ruin it for me." "Very brave of you. I can see that you really want to compensate for your colossal failure to defeat Nightmare Moon. You got knocked unconscious in, what, six seconds? Lucky thing Scootaloo was there to save your flank." Trixie let Discord's comment slide off of her, instead of letting it stick. "Nightmare Moon is a powerful foe, with millennia of experience in magic. There is no shame in losing to her." "Oooo, but you weren't fighting Nightmare Moon, were you? You were fighting Twilight Sparkle, who only had magical powers for a week. I have to say, losing to a newbie alicorn is pretty pathetic. Must be why Princess Celestia didn't reward you." "What are you talking about? Celestia made Trixie her official student!" "Please, you're not a real student. You're a correspondence student at best. No, I'm referring to the fact that Scootaloo is a Pretty Pony Princess™, and you're, well, nothing. How does it feel to be outclassed by a little filly?" "Scootaloo is my daughter, and I am proud of her accomplishments." "Too bad you have no accomplishments to speak of. Unless pretending to fight an Ursa Major counts as an accomplishment?" "Discord, Trixie refuses to—" The conversation was interrupted by a huge gong. Instantly, all the walls of the maze disappeared. With a wave of Discord's hand, all six ponies found themselves on a stage. Trixie blinked as she looked at the others. Their coloring seemed slightly off to her, somehow. Discord pulled out a megaphone and shouted, "GAME OVER! Our lucky loser is...PINKIE PIE!" "What?" Trixie asked. Pinkie fell forward, as her body started mutating. Her hair grew larger, as her body got skinnier. Clothing appeared on her body: a purple skirt with balloons on it, impossibly tall blue boots, and a white heart shirt partially covered by a light blue jacket. Fingers sprouted from the ends of her hooves. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Pinkie screamed. Her voice disappeared halfway through the scream, and she clutched her throat in pain, accidentally digging into it with her new fingers. Her friends screamed in fright and backed away from her. "Now the chaos shall last...FOREVER! HA HA HA HA!" Discord said with glee. Lightning struck in the background, as gumdrops and chocolate rain poured from the skies. "What has happened to me?" Pinkie screeched. "Yeah, yeah, whatever," Fluttershy said. "Do I get my wings back now, or what?" "Oh, of course you only care about you," Applejack said. "At this point, I just want to go home and have a bath. I've had enough of your losers bringing me down," Rarity said. Trixie was aghast. "Girls, what's wrong with you?" "Oh, you'll find out soon enough," Discord said. He returned the horns and wings to the ponies, then threw the suitcase with the Elements of Harmony at Trixie. "Here. These won't work anymore, but it'll be amusing to watch your inevitable failure." "I...Trixie..." "You lose, I win," Discord smiled. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to curse half the population. Ciao!"