//------------------------------// // Free at Last // Story: Integrals // by Mozzarella //------------------------------// "I claimed I was more considerable in size than he." Integrals *** "Where is she now, sir?" "It's Sunday morning, private. She's in the garden." "Right," he said with a scowl. "Sunday." Upon further inspection, the princess was indeed out on her walk by the hedge maze. With her billowing mane and relatively massive stature, it was a testament to this guard's eyesight that he could not see for himself. It also said a great deal about the Royal Guard that this lack of attention was allowed in its ranks. "Sir, may I ask what she does on these walks?" "She's a princess, private. She's got a lot on her mind after thousands of years. She's thinking." "But what about?" The guard's superior simply sighed and turned to continue his rounds. "Ours not to reason why, son. Just keep an eye on her." "Will do- er- sir, yes, sir." The slip went unnoticed to the relief of the guard's ears and knees. It really only takes one lap around the base of the Canterlot mountains to keep a soldier in line, but they usually assign three anyway. They also yell. "The ponies in this place need to relax with the serious crap," he muttered to himself. "Like they all have to have this dark past that they have to hide from- Celestia?" The absence of the alicorn cut his soliloquy short, which was likely just a side effect of his blood turning to ice. "Dammit! She's huge, white, and glowing! How does she disappear like that?!" He spat out a few more curses as he took to the air. ... You have got to stop doing this, Celestia. You're just torturing yourself. The regal figure turned the corner around her hedges, walking with more confidence than she really possessed at the moment. Her sun was where it needed to be, unobstructed by any clouds. However, it sort of lost its warming charm when you were the one controlling it. Every week, you do this. And every week, nothing changes. On her left approached the main attraction of the royal garden, a series of statues and sculptures dubbed The Stone Mythos. Cheesy, yes, but artists can only be so creative. The naming guy was sick and busy trying to name his sickness, so the task fell on the sculptors. You saw how he acted recently. If all those years haven't saved him, nothing will. Despite the warnings of her better judgement, she pushed on. She passed the wyvern, the satyr, and the Atlantian until the strangest of the creatures loomed overhead. I know it's hopeless, she told herself. But I can't give up on him. The memories of their most recent encounter played through her head. The turmoil and conflict that befell all of her subjects, while certainly awful, was simply background noise compared to those few words they shared. That one phrase in particular still strained her jaded nerves. "Did you miss me Celestia? I missed you." The princess shuddered. Those words still echoed in her ears as clear as they did that day and with no less pain. Indeed, this was a wound made worse by time's otherwise healing hands. You had to. There was no other way. Was there? There must have been some way to predict the effects of the attack. To control them. Although, that must be why they call it a last resort. The delicate cut of a surgeon's scalpel would do little to a solid stone wall. Stone... The voice of reason always faded up close. It became real when it was within reach. More so recently given his new posture. Whatever was behind those eyes was afraid. It didn't matter if it wasn't him. They were still his eyes. And he must be in there somewhere. That's why I keep doing this. I can't abandon him if he's still in there. I have to try. She stood before the statue, taking it all in again. His paw and talon stretched outward to protect himself from the danger those eyes still saw. He wasn't confident. He wasn't laughing or toying with prey. He was resigned. Her magic was slow to come to her and far less vibrant than what is expected from the master of the sun. A dull yellow aura extended from her horn to the statue's, eventually enveloping his whole head. I wonder what it will be this time. Fire? Destruction? Screaming? Maybe just plain darkness. That thing doesn't have the imagination to deserve him. Closing her eyes, Celestia allowed the magic to seep into the stone and prepared for a vision of pure hate and suffering to fill her mind. It was unpleasant, sure, but it could never do more than send a shiver down her spine. Impotence plagued even the strongest beings when trapped in stone. But she saw nothing. Odd, but not unheard of. She'd been tricked into expanding her senses before with disappointing and shocking results. She would have to take the bait, however. After all, there was always a chance. What is it planning? Not much considering the slowly appearing image. A blurry sunrise above a barren valley graced her mind. No monsters or seas of blood could be seen. But the sun's movements are erratic. That hasn't happened since... The image panned to the side until a small filly came into view. She panted heavily as she fell onto her haunches. But she wore the smile of a pony who had just accomplished something great. "I did it!" squeaked the filly as she hopped into Celestia's view. Two mismatched arms extended from below her view, wrapping as far around the filly as they could go. Then he laughed. His laugh. None of the entity's tricks could have shocked her more than that sound. Celestia gasped and staggered backwards, shaking the vision from her eyes. "That's him!" she whispered. She snapped her head around, half to search for help and half to be sure nopony was watching. It's him! I need to get him out! How do I get him out?! The Elements were the obvious answer as well as the safest, but they were useless to Celestia alone. She would need to write to Twilight and ready a carriage. But he's back! I can't leave him in there if he's back in control! She could try the antipetrification spell for cockatrice victims, but this was an entirely different type of affliction. To overcome the Elements' influence, it would need an immense amount of power. If only somepony with a ton of power and a momentary lapse in judgement were around. If only. A pillar of fire erupted from the castle garden, dispatching all nearby clouds and literally scaring the excrement out of a flock of passing birds. A small rise in temperature was recorded as far as Ponyville. A larger rise in temperature singed the eyebrows off of the guard overhead. He promptly stopped his flight, dropped to the ground, and rolled like there was no tomorrow. The momentary blinding light gave Celestia enough time to reel herself in. Her heart returned to a normal pace, her face hid all traces of emotion aside from the calm certainty of a princess, and she examined the products of her sudden labor. The creature was sprawled on the ground, his long body coiling over itself around the scorched pedestal. The princess held her breath until she saw a segment of his torso expand and contract. So that's where his lungs were. It took all of her effort to not rush to him and tend to whatever wounds he may have had. That would not look good to the guards that were sure to arrive shortly. And neither would the black sludge inching ever so slowly to the meager protection of the surrounding hedges. Anger the likes of which Celestia had not felt for centuries welled up inside her at the sight of it. "You," she growled, voice shaking from righteous fury. The blob offered nothing in response aside from stopping its retreat. Somepony was approaching. Likely that new guard that was tasked with watching her. This would have to end quickly. "I've looked forward to this moment for so long. I've thought of all the things that I would say to you when I saw you again." The blob pulsated. Had it not been alight with hatred, Celestia's skin might have crawled. "But all those things escape me now," she said as she raised her hoof over the slime. "It's for the best, though. Equestria is worse off with each passing second of your miserable life. Now begone!" All of her considerable weight and an upward flap of her wide wings propelled her manicured right hoof into the ground. The sound of her shattering royal shoe mingled with the entity's unnatural scream as it writhed under her. She twisted and ground her hoof, clenching her teeth with almost as much pressure. Then, a blood red light sparked to life on her horn. The now bare royal hoof grew hotter. And hotter. Noxious black smoke floated up from the squirming mass, its wailing becoming fainter and higher pitched. It was about thirty seconds after the grass caught fire that Celestia finally withdrew her leg. Where there once was a black ball of hate and evil, there was now a black scorch mark of hate and evil. Also fire. The fire was probably more important. "Your highness!" yelled the singed guard as he crashed clumsily into the ground next to her. "What happened?! Are you alright?!" To his credit, he did manage to pick himself up rather quickly. The princess quickly turned away from the guard to wipe her blackened hoof on her chest. "Just fine, private. And I'll explain everything later." The garden was on fire, there was a lord of chaos lying unconscious on the ground, and Celestia's coat appeared to be smeared with ash. It's safe to say that the guard was a tad disappointed that his questions would go unanswered. With a slight wave of her horn, the princess summoned a gust of wind to extinguish the burning foliage. "Now, I want you to go find some help and bring Discord to my quarters." "I'm not sure if- I mean yes, your majesty." "Thank you," she said, smiling. As she began to walk toward the castle, she turned back and spoke without her regal tone. "Oh, could you also see if I have any spare shoes?" Private noname only nodded with wide eyes and a furrowed brow. "'Ours not to reason why' my ass," he muttered. ... Loud steps echoed through the halls. Well, they seemed loud in the silence. Perhaps it was just that they were distinct. These particular hoofsteps have taught every resident of Canterlot to straighten his or her posture and turn back their vocabulary a few hundred years. This was for those who could still hear, of course. "If they insist upon using their psychotropic substances, they could at least have the decency to do so outside of the palace." Some said the halls were boring. That they lacked the color and culture one found in the castle's more public areas. The cool blues and purples along the wall bordered on chrome. This did serve a purpose, however. Without distractions like interesting paintings or plants, it was very difficult for an intruder to hide. On the other hoof, it took several months for anypony to learn how to navigate the blasted establishment. "Celestia would not do such a thing so long as her head remains firmly attached to her body." Princess Luna marched onward to the grandest double doors in Equestria. The arched frame reached far above even the tallest heads in the castle. In truth, there was no practical reason to make doors that big. It was more of an excuse to provide a canvas for some of Canterlot's more eager artists. If the walls were off limits, then Celestia's bedroom door could at least do with some color. "Sister!" shouted Luna as she knocked. "We are hearing absurd rumors among the subjects. Do tell me that you have not done what they have said." There was a pause before Celestia's relatively carefree voice answered her. "I would need to know what those rumors entail first, Luna." "Very well, but could we come in? We would prefer not to spread these silly thoughts further. These servants seem to hear everything I say no matter their location." For the record, the average hearing of the castle's staff is almost exactly average. There must be some other factor carrying the younger princess's voice across the vast estate. One can only wonder. "If you must. Just, promise me you won't yell." Luna frowned and pushed through the door. "We swear, but for what reason would we resort to raising our v-" She immediately stopped moving her mouth upon seeing what was taking up Celestia's bed and some of the floor at its foot. The bed's owner stood beside it, her crown and jewelry cast aside and a sheepish smile on her face. "Remember," the older sister said, shaking her hoof at the princess of the night. "You promised." She did promise, which was a shame. A few choice phrases needed to be shouted right now. One's like "What the hell were you thinking!?" or "Have at you, foul beast!". But, with her own honor binding her, Luna took a deep calming breath and set those words aside. Perhaps her sister hadn't gone completely mad. She shut the door with a light kick and approached the bed, scowling the way only a princess of the night could. "Celestia," she said through gritted teeth. "Why have you released Discord?" "I assure you, I have a perfectly good reason. You see, I was in the garden when-" It was at this unfortunate moment that the creature in the bed decided to come to life, his maw stretching wide to reveal sharp, crooked teeth and his clawed paw reaching outward toward the white alicorn's exposed neck. "It stirs!" Luna shouted, jumping back and crouching low to the ground. Her voice grew deeper as her eyes grew white. "Have you charmed our sister with your foul magic?!" Dark clouds somehow formed in the royal bedroom. They spat out small thunderbolts as a slight whirlwind whipped them about the room. Luna rose into the air with her forelegs and wings stretched outward as if conducting the destructive symphony she was wielding. "You will release your hold, you fiend! Lest we smite thee where you lie! You will pray for your worst nightmares from your new prison, but mercy will escape you in our realm!" Celestia grunted as her important papers were strewn about the room. "Luna! Stop this at once! He is yawning!" "We care not for his mannerisms! He must be destroyed!" "But it has left him, Luna! Discord, the real Discord, is back!" The light shining from her eye sockets went out like a candle in a hurricane as the battle ready alicorn fell ungracefully to the floor. She still wore her frown, but it was one of confusion as opposed to murderous intent. "A- are you certain?" she asked, dispelling the inclement weather. She walked back to him and peered over his still sleeping form. How he managed to sleep through all that, nopony would ever know. "See for yourself." Luna didn't need any direct magical contact to see into the mind of a sleeping creature. Not only were dreams as plain to her as a pony's coat, but her senses were also rather acute. It was scarcely a moment before her hoof met her mouth to stifle a gasp. "It's gone! The Malice! What happened to it? Where has it gone?" Her confused eyes fell onto her big sister. "And what happened to your hoof? Celestia smiled sheepishly again and examined her still black hoof. "It was on the ground when I freed him. A nasty little thing. I may have overdone it a bit with the fire, though." "And you didn't think to wash it before bringing him to bed?" The sun princess's face went flat. She looked at her little sister whose grin and elevated brow indicated that she expected a rise. "Please. We are far too old for such juvenile banter. And I did try to wash it off. I must have charred it or something." Luna rolled her eyes. "The one time we attempt this new-age humor, you cast us off. When will he rise? He would laugh at our jokes." "I can only imagine what all those years in stone with the Malice could feel like. He'll certainly need some rest." "Then we shall tell another to wake him." The dark alicorn placed her head over the sleeping conglomerate of about twenty creatures. "A gentlecolt steps into a tavern and inquires as to how he can go about procuring a free beverage!" Her forceful voice pressed Discord's shaggy hair into his pillow, but had no effect on his sleep. "Luna, please leave him." She ignored the request and continued. "The proprietor responds 'Very well, sir. There is a dragon out back and you must make him laugh.'" Celestia sighed and shook her head. "He's not even awake yet and we're already going mad." ... Now that one was just cruel. Making me think she was here. That felt exactly like her magic too. Normally, the entity would not be so gentle with his trials. Tragic replaying of that fateful day were more his speed. But this? Teasing? This was low. Haven't you taken enough from me, you heartless, insufferable, pathetic little- no. No. That only makes you stronger, doesn't it? Oddly enough, nothing answered his thoughts. They had run out of things to say in the first few years. Discord had attempted to start a game or two of twenty questions, but the entity was less than cooperative. Then he suggested chess. In addition to the refusal of his party pooper of a companion, Discord found out rather quickly how hard it was to keep track of all those damned pieces. The mental construct of a board would always end up mentally flipped in mental frustration, mental chess pieces falling all over the mental floor. Oh well. I suppose it's over for today. What should we do now? It didn't answer. Again. And despite the day's torture coming to an end, the sight of the garden did not come back into view. You're just full of surprises today, aren't you? Maybe you'll surprise me again. Got any jokes for me? "...then how did you make the dragon to bawl so?" something answered. Whoever it was, it definitely surprised him. What dragon? You know, in my experience, the jokes work better if you start from the beginning. But I'm not complaining. Meanwhile, why is your voice different? Is this part of the joke? "You see, after he ceased his whooping, I removed my trousers and proved myself!" I fear I'm missing some context here. Can we start over? The voice did not repeat its story. Instead, a throaty feminine laugh could be heard, and felt, from right before Discord's face. The laughing stopped abruptly but the voice continued with its barrage. "Discord! You will wake this instant and laugh at our joke!" "I already told you, I don't get it!" Discord grumbled, his voice hoarse in his dry throat. All of that yelling from whoever that was did a number on both his ears and the stylish hairs on his chinny chin chin. He almost made to conjure a comb. Then he stopped and processed all of that sensory information. Or rather, processed that he had sensory information. Words cannot describe the speed at which he sat up. The wind he created was just enough to disperse Celestia's paperwork further as well as alert the two other ponies in the room. There was a pregnant silence as the two other pairs of eyes fixed onto his. His snapped back and forth between them, perhaps lingering a bit more on the purple ones. And the white coat nearby. And the fiery mark on the lower end of said white coat. The situation was indeed strange, but the first rule of being the lord of chaos is to roll with the punches. "You know," Discord began, his voice still raspy as if his throat had been made of stone for several weeks. "You two are usually in the nurse's uniform at this point in the dream." The other two faces immediately went flat at that remark. Celestia brought her charred hoof to her head with a smack. "We are in a position to be sure that such a thing has and never will happen," Luna said, sternness returning. "In thy dreams or otherwise." "Oh come now, Luna. Were you not just telling me a rather risque joke?" "Our joke did not place us in bed with the likes of you. Sister, he is annoying us already. Are you certain we cannot place him back in the stone?" The bickering brought a smile to the elder princess's face. She could almost picture the three of them all those years ago. Normal manes, no more than a meter in height between them, and a vast new world to explore. She would have been sad had these new circumstances not been so happy. "I think we can grant him a pardon just this once, Luna. He's been through a lot after all." "But he makes advances toward us! You of all ponies should be offended!" Celestia walked slowly to the open side of her bed, her smile now a full on grin. "Give him a moment. He resorts to these jokes when he has nothing intelligent to say." Discord pouted and folded his mismatched arms. "Hmph. I liked it better when I could fluster you." "I'm sure. Now before someone gets smacked, can we at least get explanations out of the way?" "What's there to explain?" the stranger creature asked, finally deciding to conjure that comb. "That thing is gone, I'm back, yadda yadda happily ever after." As he spoke, he ran the comb down his face, the hairs coming out more messy than before. "Oh, and you should probably look out for anypony acting weird, by the way. That thing can be conniving at times." "I wouldn't worry about that very much. The wind probably took care of the ashes." The draconequus's jaw dropped. Literally. It fell onto the floor with a disturbing plop. "Y-you destroyed it?" he asked after replacing the lower half of his mouth. "Along with my hooficure," Celestia stated with disappointment. "But that's beside the point. What we need to discuss is-" Discord shook his hands and head at the white alicorn, prompting a lapse in whatever she was going to say. "No no no no. You can't just say you did something that great and then set it aside! I'm willing to abstain from extravagance regarding my return, but you seriously can't expect me to sit here and be lectured when you have conquered the bane of my existence!" Luna tilted her head in consideration. "He does have a point, sister." "Oh?" Celestia glanced between them. "And what would you two have us do?" Discord erupted from the bed in a cloud of confetti, streamers, and colored smoke. When the dust cleared the complex creature emerged with party hats, noise makers, and a pair of shutter shades anypony with a brain would find stupid. "Why, celebrate of course!" He grabbed the white alicorn and pulled her into a very close and one sided Tango, music appearing to flow from his left horn. Luna rolled her eyes at the display. "We would advise against that, Discord." "Hush Luna. I'm wooing your sister." Celestia frowned into her dance partner's gray chin. "Excuse me?" "We can sing a song and sail along the silver sky," he sang as deep as possible, hovering over her as they twirled. "For we can flyyyy-mmph!" And suddenly he was back on the bed with glowing yellow shackles pinning his arms to the sheets. He shot the white alicorn a glare, mostly for the interruption of his song. Celestia straightened her mane and set about putting on her shoes. "We'll have to work on that if you want to fit in around here." "Ugh," Discord spat. "There's a phrase. Fitting in." He stuck out his tongue like he just ate a particularly rotten fruit. Actually, that was a poor comparison. Discord had quite an affinity for rotten fruit. Suffice to say the face was disgusted. "Regardless, there is a time and place for spontaneity. You have a very bad reputation to overcome and a little self control might help." Luna's grin returned and she tiptoed (tiphooved?) to the door. "Not to mention, Celestia has a control fetish." "Luna!" The princess of the night fled from the room in a fit of giggles, skillfully evading the ensuing chaos. "Can you believe her?" the remaining alicorn asked, her mouth agape. "I didn't know getting caught up with the culture would give her such a raunchy sense of humor. As if everything is about sex nowadays." "I don't know," Discord said pensively, examining his bindings. "That would explain the magical bondage gear." Celestia dropped the handcuff spell and turned away in a huff. "I don't know why I bothered with you," she muttered. "Neither do I," he answered. His head slithered up next to hers, part of his long torso resting on her back. He ran a talon gently down her neck. "And yet, here we are." The alicorn gave a satisfied groan, closing her eyes to relish the feeling. It had been far too long since they'd shared a moment like this. Since she'd had a moment of intimacy with anypony, really. "You know," he began, still dragging his claw expertly over her fur. "I meant what I said back then, even if I wasn't behind the reigns, so to speak." "Hm?" Celestia replied, a bit too caught up in the massage to listen. Hooves were great and all, but those little fingers did wonders for her tense tendons. Maybe some griffons would need to be hired onto the royal staff. "I really have missed you." The princess sighed and leaned her head on his, content to stand there while he worked further toward her back. "I've missed you too," she breathed back after an appropriate indulgence in his ministrations. He didn't continue to speak. He simply brought the rest of his body over to her and wrapped himself once around her barrel. It didn't take a genius to tell what he was up to, nor did it take the nuzzle to the neck. While more indulgence would have felt lovely right about then, there were some important issues to take care of. Namely the fact that Discord was still an insane mythical anarchist in the eyes of the rest of Equestria. "Nnnh. Discord. Not just yet." The draconequus frowned and stretched his neck out so he was facing her. "Can't you stop working for a second? I mean, it's been how many years?" Celestia smirked. It was good to be the teaser for once. "I know, I know. I'm eager to catch up as well. However, as I recall, you caused quite a few problems for quite a few ponies in a town called Ponyville last time you visited." "You can't be serious. Is this really urgent?" "I'm afraid so. You, or the Malice inside you rather, put my student through a great deal of trauma back then." "And she still put me in the ground," Discord muttered. "Nevertheless, you owe them all an apology. Or at least an explanation." The beast untangled himself from his elusive prize, lacking his usual cheer. "This is going to be so uncomfortable..." "Please, Discord?" Celestia mockingly pleaded. "I would be very grateful." He furrowed his brow at that regal face that still managed to play on his emotions. After a short and one sided battle of wills, his shoulders sagged forward. Discord let out a breath. "Dammit." "Thank you Discord. You're doing the right thing." "Yeah yeah. Just a big old ball of goodwill over here." He turned around and began to gather his magic for a teleportation spell. Then he turned and wagged a finger at the princess. "But remember this, my dear. When I get back, we're going out on the town. And I'm not taking no for an answer." Celestia shrugged and walked toward her bedroom door. "I'll check my schedule." An irritated draconequus disappeared from the room in a puff of gray smoke, perhaps putting more force into the shock wave than was necessary. The princess nearly left, but her neurotic side took over and dragged her attention back to the messy room. "Such a child," she muttered, noting the disheveled bed, crumpled documents, and black mark on the floor. Despite her displeasure, a smile still crept onto her face. She had cleaned half of her room before stopping and considering the guest she just sent to her student unannounced. "Oh dear. I hope Twilight isn't busy. Her day is about to get a bit complicated." Complicated. Yeah. That's a good word. ...