If there's one thing Twilight Sparkle loved, it was grammar. Words, morphology, precise lexical cohesion, syntax, it was a monumental building of epic proportions to enjoy and admire in all its glory. Strong foundations given by both classics and modern scientific research, and the gentleness of the everyday tongue, lovely changing, just slightly, rules so adamantine, they might as well have been considered on par with gravity. Truly there wasn't anything like a well thought out sentence, a string of morphemes coming together to form a coherent cognitive entity that sprawled across the skies of the mind like a gigantic octopus of rare iridescence and beauty. So, considering today was "Semiotic Appreciation Day", the only logical course of action was to honour the written word by re-cataloguing every single book in the library.
"Spike, are you done yet?" she yelled from the main room. Her ears perked up, waiting for an answer. It was the first time she had left the baby dragon in charge of a whole section.
"Nope! I'm halfway through the Gnome Chompsky section. Where am I supposed to put Everybody or Everypony? An essay on cute specism again?" came a muffled voice from down below, in the part of the basement open to the public.
"In the "Great Classics of our Time" section, together with Starswirl, Smart Cookie and Neighton: an Eternal Tasty Cupcake and the Tractatus Friendicus Philosophicus" she answered, and she couldn't help but smile at the eagerness of her number one assistant.
She was almost done with the "Biography" shelf, when a precarious column of Starswirl bibliographies almost crashed on her. She managed to avoid being crushed at the last second by jumping backwards, but she wasn't exactly the most athletic of ponies. When she felt her center of equilibrium shift in the air, she lost her balance and fell, butt first, in another pile of books. She rubbed her sore rump as she got up, and something caught her attention. Right in front of her, above all the other books, stood a single, solitary purple tome. She got closer and read the title.
Vladimir Ishutin
A riveting tale of friendship and doto
by Dondi Dongers
Those were names she definitely wasn't familiar with, and even if she took pride in the idea that she knew every book in her library, this... she didn't remember. She levitated in front of her, opened it and started reading the front page:
"My name is Vladimir Ishutin. I walk ten hours in snow everyday to go to internet cafe and play doto. I see dondo and puppan and singusingu play good doto, I get ispired and become pro 6k mmr so I can buy scarf for mamushka. This is my story, sorry for bad Equestriano, pls no copy pasterino. My name is Vladimir Ishutin. I walk ten hours in snow everyday to go to internet cafe and play doto. I see dondo and puppan and singusingu play good doto, I get ispired and become pro 6k mmr so I can buy scarf for mamushka. This is my story, sorry for bad Equestriano, pls no copy pasterino.My name is Vladimir Ishutin. I walk ten hours in snow everyday to go to internet cafe and play doto. I see dondo and puppan and singusingu play good doto, I get ispired and become pro 6k mmr so I can buy scarf for mamushka. This is my story, sorry for bad Equestriano, pls no copy pasterino."
And so it went on, for six THOUSAND PAGES. Twilight feverishly turned page after page, looking for at least one coherent sentence that wasn't full of grammatical mistakes, but to no avail. The whole book was complete garbage. She gasped at her own thought. There wasn't such thing as a bad book, only a misunderstood book. Surely this was some kind of post-modern experiment of a Canterlot intellectual. She sighed in relief and put the purple book down, with the intention of archiving it. She quickly decided to go back to the biography pile, to sort the mess she had caused as soon as possible. She picked another book and looked at the cover:
S A D P O N I E S
by the D-God
She screamed in fear. This, this wasn't a book she remembered! She quickly grabbed another.
#hardwork, #dedication, #roadtotheelementsofharmony
by FrankerZ
This is not happening, she kept repeating herself, as she kept grabbing more and more books, to find them completely altered.
Me, Kappa and Keepo
by Gray Face (No space)
Rat doto and how it changed my life
by Admiral Bulldog
101 prayers for the Merciful EE-sama
by David Gorman
She resisted fainting on the spot and ran downstair to look for Spike. Whatever had taken hold of the library was an evil presence, and she wanted to run away as fast as possible. She found him sifting through old books.
"Spike, we have to go, right now! Something's wrong with the library!" she said as she grabbed him and put him on her back. She felt shivers running down her spine when she heard Spike answering in a cruel, mocking voice.
"Oh really? Where are are your precious rare books now, Celestia fangirl?"