//------------------------------// // Part Three, Chapter Four: Equestria's Premier Friendship Expert Applies Her Art // Story: I just don't know what went right... // by DerpyDitzyDerpyDo //------------------------------// Ha! And they say I'm out of touch with the younger generation. I can pop it and lock it with the all the snazzy cool cats. Wait... why is she laughing? According to Luna she's supposed to give me a flank bump in recognition of my hipness. Still... laughter is good... I think. It is one of the Elements of Harmony after all. "I can't breathe... I can't breathe," wheezed Dinky in between fits of giggles. "Yo, don't be tripping, I ain't no flossy foo'. Me and my whoadies are... um...no chickenheads... you diggity? I mean... you dig?" I slowly trailed off. This was not going as I expected. Dinky was laughing so hard she looked like she was about to lose consciousness. "Stop... please ... argh," struggled the young filly before bursting into another bout of guffaws. Other ponies in the class were starting to stare. Maybe Luna was not the best choice to do research on foal speak. I should have asked Raven or maybe eavesdropped on some of the young unicorns at the academy. Why is it my plans to court Ditzy always seem to fall apart in the most obvious ways? It's as if when I think about her my millennia of experience just goes flying out the window. Well, if I've said it once I've said it a hundred times: Being a Princess is about making even your mistakes appear intentional. "Uh... yes... my little joke," I laughed nervously. "You can't do that kind of thing the first time you meet somepony," Dinky wiped the tears from her eyes, "I laughed so hard I nearly gave myself a heart attack. You're one funny pony... uh..." "Sun Beam, but you can call me Sunny!" I offered my hoof, tentatively. Ponies do still bump hooves, don't they? I breathed a sigh of relief when Dinky responded in kind, "I'm only in Ponyville for one day but I was wondering if you'd like to..." Chillax? Get jiggy with it? Bounce with some homies round the block? No, I think I need to abandon the script that Luna prepared for me. I've been getting letters from Twilight about friendship for well over a year now. Time to show that I'm qualified to be her instructor in such matters and to make myself a new friend. "H-h-hang out?" I tried. Dinky narrowed her eyes, "You wanna hang out with me? Why? You don't even know me..." she glared at me, suddenly bristling with suspicion. Damn. I moved in too soon. Now I have to think fast. What information do I have? Think. Find common ground. Dinky is picked on because of her mom. Dinky hates phonies. Dinky is a unicorn. Dinky has not yet acquired her cutie mark. Dinky dislikes the CMC. "I guess I'm just more used to spending time with other unicorns since I've lived in Canterlot for so long. Other unicorns that aren't... like that," I nodded at the Cutie Mark Crusaders who had seemingly forgotten about their attempt to recruit me. They had produced what looked like capes from their desk and were prancing around the classroom, clearly excited about some new crusade. "They're not all that bad..." Dinky reluctantly admitted, "I just... thought they were different from the others until they published those photos of my mom and..." "Your mom?" Dinky shot a stabbing glare at me. I just stepped on a landmine. I have to play innocent. Can't let her know I know anything about Ditzy. Could this be a useful backdoor into her life? "My mom is different to other ponies. In a good way, even if some of the jerks in this class don't understand that!" said Dinky, fuming with sudden indignation. "You're talking about that Diamond Tiara?" I asked. "Yeah, she's the worst of them. Her and her stupid friend. She always knows just how to get under my skin. I saw you talking to her earlier. What did you say to her to make her run off like that?" Dinky had put down the book she had been reading and was wholly focused on me. This was going well, I could feel it. Just a few more careful pushes and I'll be able to start gathering insider information. "I told her that that I'd only known her for a few seconds and already I could tell that she's an empty, callous shell of a pony who takes out her many, many insecurities on those around her... and that I hoped a bird pooped on her head... what kind of a special talent is owning a diamond tiara anyway? If she loses it does she lose her talent as well? What a total... phoney!" Dinky nodded sagely as I spoke. "Took the words right out of my mouth," she grinned. She didn't know how right she was. "So... I've gotta spend the whole day in Ponyville... wanna give me a tour of the town? Unless you're busy or something," think Celestia. Think. Common ground, "I'm at a magical academy back in Canterlot. Maybe I could teach you some spells?" Dinky perked up, "For real? You will? That's awesome! I've been trying to learn from books but it's really difficult. Even like stuff that the book says is supposed to be easy, like telekinesis, is really tough. My mom knows nothing about magic." Excellent. Whether she's an aspiring magic user or simply a filly interested in mastering the use of her horn. That could be an easy way for me to connect with her... as Celestia and as Sunny. Half breeds always have difficulty mustering up even basic magical skills but there are several simple steps one can take to teach them energy conservation techniques that can extend and enhance their capabilities. I haven't been running a magical academy for the past hundred years for my own entertainment. I brought out the full potential of thousands of young students over the years. That could prove to be bond between myself and the young Dinky which in turn would be a bond between myself and Ditzy. This was going just as planned. Now I need a little more information to repair the damage of my rather hasty advances on her mother. "Sure, we can hang out for a bit after school, if you want," said Dinky as she glanced up to see that Cheerilee had returned with a cup of coffee, "Aww, is recess over already?" "Back to your seats, everypony!" called a cheery Cheerilee. "I'll see ya after school," I whispered as I trotted back to my assigned desk. "Um... Miss Cheerilee? I think Diamond Tiara is sick... or something... may we be excused?" asked the silvery coloured filly, Diamond Tiara's only friend I presume, she was standing next to a very frazzled looking Diamond Tiara. "Is that true? Are you feeling unwell?" asked their teacher, sounding concerned. "I w-w-want to kiss Apple Bloom on the m-m-mouth," whined the rather ruined looking pink filly. Cheerilee stared at the two of them for a long moment, "Uh... yes... be a dear and take her to see Nurse Redheart, Silver Spoon." I settled in my desk. Looks like everything is going according to plan.